The most enduring memories I have of the season are those of music and the noisy static that exploded from the speakers when the needle touched the vinyl. My two siblings and I shared an Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas collection that we played until it crumbled into pieces. Even now when I listen to a few of the songs on iTunes, classics you can find on any holiday compilation, their chipper, mischievous voices don’t send me crawling up the wall like they did my parents, like they would any sane person who can hear. The sound they make is what would come out of a pig if it were hung up by its toenails and poked repeatedly with a curling iron. Perfect for bringing lost souls to Baby Jesus.