I’m in the kitchen slicing a green pepper to put into a pot of pasta sauce when I hear Brian Williams on NBC Nightly News say something about how, in the next half-hour, Brad Pitt will be walking Ann Curry through his new green architecture project in New Orleans. I holler into the living room, “PAUSE IT!” Because I am very interested in architecture. Yes, that’s right. Architecture. And certain people who could be talking about it while topless.
Jon lets out a heavy, black moan. “He didn’t say that Brad Pitt was going to show Ann Curry his testicles.”
“Does that mean I should be disappointed?” I ask.
He clarifies, “I’m just saying.”
“Because that’s what women sit around and talk about? Are you serious?”
“That’s what you were hoping for, no?
“It’s like, right after I tell my friends where I got my new shoes on sale, I’m all, AND THEN HE SHOWED ME HIS TESTICLES, AND IT WAS SO HOT.”
“I knew women were gross.”