This is Strawberry Shortcake and Angel Cake crammed into a tiny plastic mini-van. You can’t see this, but they are busily texting each other underneath the dashboard.

I have my own collection of Strawberry Shortcake figures, ones I played with in my own childhood back when there was no such thing as a cordless phone, but they’re stored away in a box because Leta kept losing their shoes. These figures are the toys she plays with at Grandma’s house, and she doesn’t understand why I’m always pressing them to my face and sniffing their luscious, cornsilk hair. BECAUSE I WANT TO EAT THEM.