Because I couldn't say it on the phone
I was recently at lunch with a few friends, one who had just been diagnosed with OCD that manifests itself in a need to straighten up everything around her, and I was all really? That's considered OCD? Because I thought that was just considered BEING ALIVE. And because she hasn't ever read this website she asked if I had ever been treated for a diagnosis abbreviated with capital letters. I looked across the table at my other friend, someone who is very familiar with what I have written here, and she almost gagged on an ice cube. I nodded and then explained that I'm in ongoing therapy for what's called C-R-A-Z-Y.
I feel like I need to say something today, right now, about my feelings toward therapy and medication, because in the last couple of months I've watched several people around me suffer needlessly because they were either too afraid or too arrogant to take care of their mental health. And I guess I'm trying to understand why anyone would resist trying to work through an issue that is making their life miserable, and that maybe if I came out and talked about what I have been through and how I feel about what I've been through, that someone may feel a little less embarrassed about getting help.
I suffer from chronic anxiety and depression, and I believe it started manifesting itself when I was in high school, maybe earlier. I didn't seek treatment, however, until my sophomore year in college when I was on the brink of dropping out, when I finally called my father and exposed a very dark side of me, explained that I did not have the ability to cope no matter how hard I prayed or tried to get over it. My mother had always sensed this about me, had watched bi-polar disorder wreck the lives of several of her brothers and sisters, and she had to convince my father to take this seriously. A week later I saw a therapist who prescribed Zoloft. That medication changed my life, lifted a dark cloud that had been tormenting me for years, and I stayed on that drug, healthy and happy and able to cope, up until Jon and I decided that we should try to get pregnant.
I never should have gone off that drug. I know this now, having suffered terrible postpartum depression that could have been avoided had I seen the red flags in my third trimester, had I taken early steps to deal with the symptoms. But three months after Leta's birth I was an inconsolable, suicidal mess. I was beyond repair, and all the drugs I tried in the following months would only make things worse: Risperdal, Ativan, Trazadone, Lamictal, Effexor, Abilify, Strattera, Klonopin, Seroquel. I couldn't sleep, couldn't unclench my jaw or hands, couldn't imagine how I would get through another ten minutes. After weeks of threatening to leave Jon if he had me committed to a hospital, I finally gave in and committed myself.
Because I was under constant supervision, my doctor in the hospital was able to give me therapeutic quantities of drugs immediately: 40mg of Prozac, 10mg of Valium, 2400mg of Neurontin. It was a combination he had given to countless women who had suffered postpartum depression, one that had worked time and time again. I felt a difference within two hours, and if you ask Jon he will tell you that when he brought Leta up to the hospital that afternoon to have lunch, he saw Heather for the first time in seven months, not that awful woman who liked to throw keys at his head. I truly believe that my doctor in the hospital saved my life. I owe that man my life.
In the years since my hospital stay I have tapered off Valium completely and now only take 300mg Neurontin at night. I still take 40mg Prozac every day, and here's where I cannot be emphatic enough, I will continue to take it or something like it for the rest of my life. I will not ever be off medication. I continue to see my therapist, not every week or even every month, but whenever I hit a road block and need someone to help me talk my way through it. Sometimes I have bad days, sometimes bad weeks, but the medication enables me to cope, to see a way out and over those times. I am not ashamed of any of this.
I think many people are afraid that if they take medication or even agree to see a therapist that they are in some way admitting failure or defeat. Or they have been told by their boyfriend or their mother or their best friend that they should buck up and get over it, and that asking for help is a sign of weakness. Well then, let me be weak. Let me be a failure. Because being over here on this side, where I see and think clearly, where I'm happy to greet my child in the morning, where I can logically maneuver my way over tiny obstacles that would have previously been the end of the world, over here being a failure is a hell of a lot more enjoyable than the constant misery of suffering alone.
Yesterday I wanted to say this to someone but didn't because I'm afraid she will stop talking to me about certain things because I'm not telling her what she wants to hear. She wants me to tell her that she is right and that if she ignores a certain very large problem it will go away. But I don't understand why being right is more important that being happy, why someone would go on living with a sick, nauseating swarm of junk in her stomach rather than trying to figure out how to fix it, because the act of even admitting that she feels this way is somehow a character flaw.
All of this is to say that I am a success story. I am a victory for the mental health profession. And if you're even the tiniest bit on the fence about therapy or medication or herbs or acupuncture or prayer or meditation, whatever it is that you would turn to to try and pull your way out of sadness but are afraid to because of all that it would mean, here is this crazy woman in the Utah desert who admitted and accepted all of those horrible things about herself and in doing so found a better life.
1. hotpants said:
thank you for sharing.
2. miss sharon t said:
if i could throw a parade for lexapro and how it saved my life, i totally would.
3. daisy duck said:
Right on. People need insulin to stay alive and don't think twice about it; depression should be no different. The only problem with SSRIs and the like are the awful side effects. How do you get past them?
4. Tara said:
What a moving and important post. Thanks. (Hi JJ!)
5. aubriane said:
Thank you for this.
Although I don't think it's just admitting failure... in my case, it was wondering if everyone goes through this and I'm just less capable of dealing with it than everyone else.
6. ML said:
Amen. Ditto. Hear! Hear! And Oh Yes.
Thank you for saying it over and over. I say would you hesitate to take chemo if it would help you live? Or go on dialysis if you had to? Why would we embrace this help any less?
Neurontin literally saved my life and my two babies have a mama to show for it.
7. Priscilla said:
Amen. Very well said, coming from a Lexapro lover.
8. MontanaJen said:
I was afraid and ashamed and so very...overwhelmed at the prospect of beginning the journey through and over therapy. You articulated that fear exactly, and good for you and your family for taking care of it sooner rather than later. I truly believe that family, for many, is what keeps the real person there.
You're right, too - on the side of clarity, things are better - so much better. And good on ya for not forgetting how dark and awful and frightening the other side is, for too many.
9. Lisa said:
Well said, Heather! I'm in complete and total agreement with you!
10. Stacey said:
From another very big fan of 40 mg/day Prozac, thank you for saying this so well. No shame, no worries, just a damn fine life now that I have stopped throwing up 5 or 6 times a morning and I'm, you know, showering. :-)
11. Ali said:
You just brilliantly summed up what I often try to explain to my friends. I try to explain medicating depression like medicating any other physical disease, because once you get into the realm of mental disease, well, you know *it doesn't exist*. Right. So if you were diabetic, you would take insulin, right? Because if you didn't you would get very sick. Or DIE. Same thing with mental illness.
Just wanted to give you a cyber high-five. We love your blog in NZ. And OCD is totally normal. Everything must be straight or the world will explode.
-Ali
12. Jess said:
There is nothing like realizing that someone and someTHING can help you. That you don't HAVE to be victim to your own brain forever, and that it's OK to "need".
I have spent most of my marriage apologizing for being "crazy", even though my husband has been nothing but loving, supportive, and helpful. The guilt you feel when your imbalances spill over into what should be a happy relationship...it's unimaginable.
I'm on Celexa now and seeing a really good therapist who actually makes me feel like a person. I'm a military wife, and finding the right help for myself or even my soldier husband is always an uphill battle.
Being part of your life, in at least the way you have made me a part of your life, is so valuable. It's always comforting to know that real people in real places are dealing with some of the same things, and they still find time to laugh.
Thanks to you, to Jon, and to Leta.
13. Marie said:
Bravo!
I'm printing this post as a pdf right now; I know it will come in handy SOME DAY.
We're all nut jobs. We all need to find ways to cope with it - and the rest. I'm proud of you for doing what it takes - and happy for you that it worked.
Many cheers.
14. Kate C. said:
Being from a family full of panic disorder, I cannot thank you enough for posting this. People need to understand that unexplained anxiety and depression are physical illnesses, not something you get over if you "put your mind to it."
My husband is diabetic - I don't see him thinking, "Hmmm, maybe if I *think* about it hard enough my insulin production will become normal." That would be ludicrous. People should understand that it's the same thing with brain chemicals. Diet and exercise help but you *need* medicine to get better.
15. April said:
I totally agree - my husband is bi-polar and my daughter is ADHD/ODD - so yes - I am on lexapro and boy do I understand so much. A day in my life is so up and down - sometimes I want to leave but thats why I am on medicine. I tried to get off of it but that lasted oh about 2 days. It was so bad.
Love your blog.
April
16. Cathy said:
Thank you Heather. I was recently diagnosed with depression and have decided
to take medication along with the therapy I am doing. Getting over the stigma is hard, but reading what you have written makes it a little bit easier. I will be re-reading this often.
17. Appreciative Reader said:
Thank you, thank you. I got hooked on your website because you were so open about your experiences with depression and I have been through some rough patches myself. Even being, as you are, on the "other side" of the dark days it still helps to be reminded that taking those pills (60mg celexa) every day is doing the best for me and not a sign of weakness.
18. ChaEsq said:
Well said - thank you for sharing.
19. Rachel said:
Half of me is so glad to hear this (because I've been there) and the other half is sad. Sad to know all about it, and sad that so many people need it. I'm more and more convinced that we are over mediated, and yet can totally identify with being sick. It's confusing.
20. Nita said:
Amen. Thank you, I hope it helps someone make a decision to move forward.
21. Anonymous said:
Thank you.
22. scargosuun said:
Wow. I actually needed to read this today because I went off my meds over the summer and I am now thinking it may have been a bad idea for any number of reasons/incidents in the past couple months. I am glad that you posted this today and it may have done me more good than anything would have today.
23. Emmy said:
I couldn't have said it better myself. I am forwarding your blog to a friend in need- Thank you for being so candid with this issue! You have no idea the people you are helping.
24. IO said:
Wow. Wow. Wow. WOW.
Thank you x a million. You know, had I read this anywhere else I might not have really taken it in. But I read your blog daily and most days my life is pretty similar to yours. So I'm emailing this to my hubby who is on the fence about taking pills.
25. Becky said:
Here here! Thank you so much for this post! I just wish it was required reading for all.
I too was diganosed with depression and anxiety and was on Prozac for many years before I got pregnant. I too, got off the much needed drug and went crazy after my son was born. Getting back on and staying on was the best thing I ever did for myself and my family.
You are such an inspiration Heather!
Thanks again.
Signed,
20mg of Prozac for The Rest Of My Life
26. Lisa said:
YES! Good for you! I'm so glad there are people out there that are able to talk about this stuff without feeling like they are freaks. I really appreciate the honesty and support for all of us that feel this way.......Thanks for making my day!
27. Leslie P. said:
Bravo Heather. Thanks for sharing. I have been dealing with anxiety since I was in high school. I was on Effexor for a while. About a year but while on it I gained a lot of weight. I decided to try going it on my own and through friends, family and allowing myself enough me time I've been ok for the past couple years. The first couple years of college were incredibly hard though.
I graduated from college last weekend. They are coming back. There's just so much anxiety about leaving and going to a new place and I feel completely overwhelmed by it. Just walking out of my very last class was difficult for me. Seeing my adviser for the last time to thank him was difficult. Handing in my last paper and saying goodbye to my coworkers... it's been hard. But I'll make sure that if I feel it is too much again I will get the help I need.
Thanks for reminding me of that.
28. scoxsmith said:
How can you not say something to your friend if you have the confidence of your convictions. She will either hear you or she won't, but you'll know you've done what you can to help.
This is a refreshingly honest story, if it doesn't help your friend, it will help someone.
29. Patrick said:
Thanks for sharing this. Please continue being you!
30. Anonymous said:
Thank you for writing this - I too have stopped agonising about why things that seem so simple for other people are impossible for me without medication - I just think this is what I have to do to lead a semblance of a normal life. Small price to pay. I wish I could be as honest though...
31. Amanda said:
You make me want to be your friend. I think my son may have mental health issues. Writing that was hard.
32. Anonymous said:
Thank you, thank you, thank you. It has taken me about 4 years to realize and admit to myself that my Zoloft is not a temporary fix but something I need to take daily and there is no shame or weakness about it. It's just the way it is and I never have to bottom out again.
33. Jennifer said:
I agree completely. I also went off medication during my last pregnancy and it was one of the darkest times of my life. I went back on my meds two weeks after having my baby and it has saved my sanity. Thank you for posting this.
34. mish said:
thanks. need new/diff meds and therapy but dont want to deal w/ the pain of it. after years of no real life i know its time. thanks 4 the reminder. my new motto - life is great, as long as i never think about it. i just want life to leave me alone, but it persists on bothering me. i feel so sorry for my parents. see now i am thinking about life and is fucking sucks.
35. littlefirecrackr said:
Heather- I can not express how excited I am for someone to FINALLY speak the truth! You deserve the biggest, warmest, squeezingest hug ever!
36. jdubya said:
forwarding this to someone who needed to read just this exact message.. thanks, heather.
37. Sarah said:
I agree with you. My mother is diagnosed with schizophrenia and my dad worries a lot that my sister or I will start to show signs, my sister is now old enough that shes out of the normal age range, but because of some past mental health issues they keep an eye on me. My dad encouraged me to go into therapy several times throughout my life (starting very young, when I was in the 5th grade) to help cope with the feelings I have. He was in therapy as a child too. It's really nice to have a family that backs you up on these things and I think your feeling on how to remain mentally healthy is something Leta will thank you for some day, even if she never really feels the need to go into therapy. Just knowing you're there for her if she does is enough.
38. TheSpectrum said:
Hi Heather--
Thank you so much for posting this. Many of my relatives have some form of mental illness and many others still think they should "suck it up" and stop "whining about depression".
Therapy saved my life. Thanks for sharing.
39. Anonymous said:
You are awesome. That's just what I needed to hear.
I'm really afraid of who I am without this medication, even more afraid of who I might become if I stay on it.
Heather, you're amazing.
40. Anonymous said:
Thank you, Heather, for sharing! It is so nice for people to be able to read about your past, and know that therapy and drugs really can help people, not make them weak. I'm so happy they have helped you to stay and have such a wonderful family, not run away from it all.
41. Kelly B said:
Hey, I've never said thanks to you. I've always had problem with anxiety and depression. Well, at least since puberty. I never had the courage to ask for anything for it because when I broached the subject with the doctor the first time he got this moralistic, you probably aren't weak enough to need drugs, vibe.
So I never brought it up again until this summer.
I found your blog (I have a weakness for kid stories) and I was reading about your love of Commander Zoloft and started to think, "Huh, Mom liked Zoloft too and it made her much more pleasant."
Then I started to think about the two grad classes I signed up for and how much trouble I have sometimes without the 6 credit hours on top of 40 hr work weeks and I made an appointment to talk to the Nurse practitioner.
Started out talking about my migraines, and said, "By the way I suffer from Anxiety and depression and need something to take the edge off. What can you give me."
She choose Zoloft because it has benefits for Migraine suffers too. It changed my life.
I still have some depression and anxiety occasionally, but given the fact I went to three funerals, had a bizarre virus and am taking 6 graduate credit hours for which I don't have enough time I'm doing good.
I kept up with the reading most of the semester. AND I'm walking the dogs every day in the morning, which would have been impossible before.
42. JS said:
My late father in law resisted finding help, despite everyone around him pleading for him to do so. For those of us that aren't battling, it seems so simple and easy to go find someone to talk to, to go speak with a doctor who might be able to prescribe the right path. But it's incredibly tough for those that are actually in the fight and I know that he would've seen it as failure if he had admitted that there was a problem. He took his own life and I know he's at peace now, but I wish he were at peace here, with us.
43. Megan said:
Way to say it!!!!
44. Erica said:
This post just convinced me to see my doctor. I've been trying to WILL myself over my depression. Giving excuses and explaining away the issue until I've convinced everyone but myself that I'm fine.
Thank you for the kick, Heather. Thank you a whole lot.
45. Rootietoot said:
Thanks for this! I'm bipolar, on meds for 14 yrs, did the postpartum from hell 3 times...and you can have my left arm, all my teeth and an eyeball as well, but you can NOT have my lithium. I just don't get why people are so offended by mental illness.
46. Ursula said:
Having taken care of my younger sister's two older children after she gave birth, I know that postpartum depression is no joke. Thus, it's inspiring to have you share your story so that others can know that there is help out there if they genuinely want it.
47. stella said:
Congratulations on getting the help you need.
Do you have a medication plan for your next pregnancy? I ask b/c I took Neurontin for years for chronic pain, and during that time looked up if you could take it while pg. Well, apparently it causes cyclopsia. Yep, one eyed babies.
Just curious if your dr had a rec for something else while pg. This is one of the many, many reasons I am not trying to get pg right now!
48. Deva said:
Reading this may be the push I need to talk to someone about my anxiety. When spending 20 dollars at the doctor about my finger that I smashed in the car door (read the blog for the almost play by play) to make sure the gash doesn't require a tetanus shot, ends in panic and anxiety that almost has me in tears at work, I think I have mroe than a small issue. Especially if this is recurring.
Thank you for being so honest.
49. kms said:
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I am an almost 30 year old, mom to a 3 year old, faithful reader who has also struggled with depression and anxiety and medication. I have seen the same therapist (I now call her my 'life coach') for 17 years. I have been on several different medications prior to and after my daughter's birth. That event alone has thrown my emotional state(s) into a tailspin that I still struggle to steady on a daily basis.
I so relate to you and everything you write about motherhood and self.
I just want to thank you and I don't think that any words can describe the effect that you have on so many other women out there. A positive one. One that makes, at least me, not feel as alone and helpless as I have before.
Thank you.
50. Anonymous said:
YESSSSSSS. You go, girl. You tell them. Last week I had to listen to someone tell me about her mother being on antidepressants for 20 years and not being able to cry when she felt sad. She didn't feel it had done her mother any good, and she wished she could just throw out all antidepressants. I looked into her eyes, and just said that I disagreed with her.
What I should have told her was that I'd been on Zoloft for two years and that it had worked wonders for me, that it had not just patched up the hole in the bottom of my soul, it had filled it in with me, with a calmer, more patient, more capable me. I no longer fall into that hole and live in a deep dark sludge. I no longer find most actions of daily life an incredible effort to accomplish. I am a better mother to my children. I am no longer discussing divorce with my husband.
I was originally prescribed Zoloft to help me sleep, but when I reported my actions to my sleep doctor he immediately upped the dosage. I talked to a counselor about my depression and she was determined to pin my depression on something, and when she found out that my mother had bipolar disorder she wanted me to blame all my problems on her.
Well, I don't have mania. I have depression. I think I've had it since grade school. I think it is a chemical problem for me, some inner workings don't do something right. I can't pin these feelings to any outer cause. They just are there, or were there, since I am on Zoloft now and it's helping me immensely.
I have read through several past years of your blog and I am so glad that someone who has as many readers as you do can stand up and tell us what helped her during her times of trouble. Hopefully it will lead more people to accepting they have a problem and getting themselves some help. Maybe the next time I see that other woman who denied antidepressants worked, I will now have the courage to tell her how I have been helped.
Sorry this turned out so long, just had to spill my guts, I guess.
51. Anonymous said:
Let's here it for drugs!! I have been on Lexapro for about 3.5 years and should have been on it a lot sooner. I admit to being nervous and "ashamed" when I first went to my doctor, but after seeing how it has changed my life for the better, I am all for it!
Thanks for sharing your story with us.
52. Tamara said:
Wonderful, great post!
And why the hell did they ever have you on Risperdal, at any point? Even at my novice level at medication knowledge, I know that one didn't make any sense (for you) from what you've written about.
Again great post, beautiful and succinctly said.
53. itspink4me! said:
Thank you..I have read your blog for a few years now and this is the first comment I have posted. I am a mom who is "on the fence" about medication for depression and anxiety. You are so right, I just want to be happy to see my child in the morning and be emotionally available to her during the day. No more excuses, time to call the doctor.
54. Sarah said:
Well said Heather!
As the saying goes around our house:
'Better living though chemistry!!'
:)
55. Medical student said:
THANK you for renewing my hope and motivation for trucking through these years of school! Thinking about being able to help someone so effectively makes it all worth it. I hope I can make a difference to someone someday :)
56. Kim said:
My boyfriend has chronic major refractory depression and generalized anxiety disorder, so I've come over the last year and a half to understand a little bit more what it must have been like for you. Unfortunately, that little word "refractory" basically makes it so that there's no one drug that will keep working for him for longer than... oh, I'd venture to say six months at a time. And even then it doesn't necessarily bring him completely back from the depression state, really.
He's thinking seriously on going up to Washington state for some ECT treatment, which I have mixed feelings about. On one hand, it scares the bejeezus out of me. On the other, the only thing I wish for him is just some peace, since it's not acute depression and will never be "cured". I want him to be able to function for a long enough period of time to be able to finish a semester of school, then stretch that into a few semesters, to a diploma, to law school as he dreams. So here's to hoping that his ECT is to him as your 40mg of Prozac is to you -- a stable "fix" that will keep him going long enough to be able to enjoy his life.
57. Cecilia said:
Heather -
If only people were as open and frank about the need to take care of themselves as you are - there might be less pain in this world.
You are truly a remarkable woman, and I thank you for helping to shed the stigma of treatment for mental illness.
Oh, and thank you for your humor - I always look forward to reading your blog!
58. Eve said:
I am going to try to get pregnant but I am concerned about the possible effects of the antipsychotics/anticonvulsants on my future child. I am scared to go off the meds but scared to stay on. Both sides have their pros and cons, how did you make the decision? Do you know of any resources online?
Thanks for sharing your life with us, I too became interested in your blog because of your sharing.
PS Chuck makes me happy. Thanks for his pictures.
59. Am TOO Verified ^o^ said:
I feel you sister. Zoloft and Cymbalta here. I want to know how you functioned on 2400mg of Neurontin? I took only 300mg and fell asleep for 3-4 hours.
60. Nikki said:
Thank you for being so open about your experiences. I've been there, done that and I've never understood why anyone would choose to continue going through it! I've learned to cope with my issues but that doesn't make it easier for those around me. It's not something to be ashamed of and I encourage anyone who feels they need help to do so. I've watched my mother fight for the last 10 plus years trying to get herself straightened out with her medications, my grandmother is probably hopeless at this point because she's 81 and determined to be miserable and while I've taken different things only to be let down, I know there's probably a day that I'll need to be back on something. I'd rather be happy and functional than laying on the kitchen floor in a heap.
Good luck to you guys!
61. Sar said:
Here here. I have been treated for depression while I was in university - Zoloft was the thing for me as well, and I have been seeing a therapist regularly for about four or more years, since my husband left me after a year and a half of marriage and a 10 year relationship. My father was hospitalized when I was a teen for extreme suicidal depression, and made a remarkable recovery. He is a changed man since that dark time. I also have a friend who has been dealing with all manners of anxiety problems, including OCD symptoms, serious social anxiety and more for over two years since the birth of her child. While she has tried all manner of drugs, she continues to have problems, and I've really pushed her to try to see a therapist. I encourage everyone to take any measures necessary to maintain one's mental health. There are so many options and combinations of treatments and there should be no shame in putting your emotional happiness and health first and foremost.
62. Sharon said:
Thank you for being SO strong and posting this. I started taking Effexor after my husband was diagnosed with cancer for the second time. I didn't realize how unhappy I had been until I felt happy for the first time in years. (Not that I was happy about the cancer but I wasn't even happy about the little things before.) My husband didn't want me to take it but I didn't care. I needed it.
You don't tell someone with asthma to get over it and just breathe or tell someone with a diabetes to just produce insulin. Once people realize that mental illness is a real illness and not just in your head, the world will be better off.
And sure there are the cases of people taking drugs when they probably don't need to. But that is what health professionals are for. Hopefully there are enough good ones to help.
63. Medical student said:
P.S. I'm so hoping people will read your post and realize that psychiatric illness are neuro-biological disorders and NOT moral or ethical battles they need to fight. Medicine has been fighting this stigma for years!!!!!
64. jams said:
thank you for this post heather.
some days I wish I could just call you. few people I am close to can really understand this. thank you for providing so many readers with a silent friend that reminds us that we ALL have struggles. I truly appreciate this website more than you know.
65. Kim said:
Great stuff Heather. Your post will almost certainly change the life of at least one suffering person, if not way more. Good on ya!
66. Anonymous said:
I, too will be forwarding this to someone I think may really need to read it.
Very well said Heather!
Also, what a wonderful marriage to have the strength to get through this. So many men would have just stereotyped your behavior.
67. Erika said:
Heather, seriously, I have been hooked on your site for years. Your stories touch me beyond words. The pain you let us see brings tears to my eyes. I forwarded this to my friend who is on the fence. I finally after many, many years found a therapist that actually gave a crap and even though it hurts like hell right now I know She will help me get better.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
E
68. Anonymous said:
you have no idea how important it was for me to read this today...things are slowly becoming clear to me. thank you.
69. chris said:
I live in Alpine, UT and love your site and courage to share all that you do. I JUST spoke with my brother this morning about this very topic. He's been a vicodin addict for years and has been clean for a few months (I think???). Anyway, I was explaining brain chemistry and how the disease of addiction and depression can be related. He's in great need of some support in the way of medication or therapy. My heart breaks for him. Reaching out and sharing about these things is so difficult because it leaves a residue - a sticky, grimy one - and you feel so exposed. I suffered from eating disorders so haven't had the same exact path, but have been in the neighborhood. It's a shame there's such a stigma with having a brain chemistry issue. (I happen to have a little boy with Type I diabetes - so I hear the "insulin vs. SII" argument all the time.)
I'm going to forward my brother (his wife too - ANOTHER story) the link to this post. You really are courageous. I hate to even post a comment - for "all" to see...
Many thanks.
70. Jeanine said:
Hi Heather,
You are brilliant. I love your site and read it every day. I will also be on some kind of medicine for the rest of my life. I liken it to being a diabetic. No one says a thing about a diabetic needing insulin. Our mis-wired brains will need some kind of help for the rest of our lives. I function today because of Lexapro AND Wellbutrin. I believe in better living through chemistry! Thanks.
71. Anonymous said:
Heather-
I take Zoloft (for life) and it has saved me. I have 2 beautiful healthy daughters and took my meds throughout my pregnancy. Did your doctor let you know that Zoloft is ok to take during pregnancy? Prozac is also approved.
Thanks for being so open. I wish more people could talk about it. My father died one year ago because of depression. If he could have been open about his feelings, he may still be here.
72. Amy said:
What a wonderful post. I know so many who cannot bring themselves to get help. Mental health should be our number 1 health issue, sadly it is not.
I understand the hesitation in talking to friends. When I first went on medication for chronic depression and anxiety, I was astounded at the change and told everyone I knew. It was a miracle cure for me. It was interesting to see the varying reactions amongst my friends. That was an eye opener.
I'm still open about taking medication and seeking help when needed and I encourage others to do so. But I am sometimes less ready to blurt it out to just anyone. That's a shame.
I too will go back to the therapist at the first sign I need to, and have done so 3 times with great success. I agree, life saving.
Thank you!
73. Heather's Garden said:
Heather --
It is so brave of you to share your personal battle against depression with the thousands of us who read your website. I have someone in my life who is in treatment and on medication, has threatened suicide, and regularly tells me that she has nothing to live for. I can't share too much here out of respect for her privacy, but I understand how hard it is to see another person going through that kind of pain and not being able to help. I have repeatedly told her to see her doctor more often and adjust her medication, in part because I've read how you struggled when you had Leta and went off your meds. Your story really proved to me that medication can work. Thank you again for sharing your story.
Heather
74. Rachael said:
Thank you for this. I have anxiety and depression, and now I realize it started in high school, but I didn't admit I had a problem till I was in college and slept through my entire fall semester because getting out of bed was too exhausting and scary and stressful. I cried at everything, had several incapacitating anxiety attacks, basically terrified my roommates. I thankfully went to an awesome doctor, who tried Lexapro first, miraculously it worked for me, and it has saved my life. I still have down times, and I've even had a few anxiety attacks in the two years I've been on it, but I function. Even on my bad days I can function. It's not always pretty, but it's life. It's still hard to admit sometimes, I always want to hide it from my roommates, but I know that I need them to know, just in case.
Thanks.
75. Mary Jo said:
Thank you, Heather, for being so candid about what you have gone through. Your posts about your depression has helped me more then you could know. Just knowing that there is someone in the world that has felt the same things... Thank you for being so wonderfully open and willing to share your life with the world.
76. Liesl said:
Congratulations on such a moving and necessary post, but the funniest thing to me was the names of the drugs.
"Abilify" sounds like something Dubya would say. "We need to abilify our troops to protectorate themselves!"
77. bridget mckee said:
i will forward this to my sister and hopefully you touch a nreve in her. So sad and so fixable.
78. Holly said:
I will never, ever, live a life without meds. If I could, I'd have a Wellbutrin shrine in my house. I used to be ashamed of taking it, like I was a failure because I couldn't be happy on my own. But as you mentioned, I'm the happiest "failure" in the world on meds. Depression is a disease, same as my hypothyroidism.
I think my grandmother was bi-polar, and my mom probably could have used some medication too, but neither lived long enough to see the 21st century medication we have now. If only...
By the way, this blog is brilliant. I'd start a blog, but I could never live up to this one, not in a million years.
79. Staci said:
You Rock Heather!!! The honesty of this post leaves me breathless. There is no shame in any of this and more people need to understand that. I can't begin to imagine what life must be like for all of you who have to deal with these issues. Congrats to you for your bravery in doing what needs to be done to have the life you deserve.
Thanks, thanks a lot.
80. Yolanda said:
This post will be a gift for many. For some it will simply be validating. For others, it represents possibility. Either way, you have done a big thing by writing this today. I thank you.
81. Jill S. said:
I cannot thank you enough for being the first voice I heard say IT IS OKAY TO NEED HELP. We've never met, probably never will, but just as that doctor changed your life, you changed mine.
82. Jen said:
Thank you for confirming what I already know.
After several months on leave from my job to work on this relentless depression, I was faced with the unfair decision to continue my ECT treatments and lose my job or go back to work and walk away from the only thing that has helped lighten the effects of this tormenting cloud that hangs over me.
It's three months later my depression is back, wicked as ever and I'm again having to face the same decision. This time, I'm choosing treatment because there is no salary that makes this darkness worth it.
Again, thank you.
83. Amy said:
Heather,
I appreciate you sharing your story. I too have told the same story to my friends. Anxiety controlled my life for as long as I could remember. it was dibillitating and just plain horrible. I used to tell people that if they touched me and felt what I felt on a daily basis for just ONE second that they would be like "DAMN"!
I found Zoloft and it SAVED MY LIFE. I never want to go back. Never ever ever ever!
Cheers to a happy New Year pumped full of medicine!
84. Sol said:
I kind of am afraid of reading anyone else's comments because I'm deathly afraid some bambaklaat might be in there spewing the hate (what I've caught scrolling down has been positive, though) because thank you. THANK YOU!
85. schadenfreudette said:
Thank for saying this publicly. It needs to be said often and loudly and I'm glad that you are using your position to talk about this. Thank you.
Ash
sufferer of chronic major depressive disorder, ADHD, agoraphobia with panic attacks, and generalized anxiety disorder. for yays!
86. Amy said:
B-R-A-V-E-R-Y. Those are your uppercase letters.
87. J. Bo said:
Me, too, Heather... on and off since high school. I hated admitting that medication was going to have to be a part of my life FOREVER, but once I let go of that need to be "perfect," I realized being "imperfect" and able to function was better than being a "perfect" corpse.
Thank you, once again.
88. Dave Vogt said:
Thank you for talking about your experience. I wish more people got the help they needed, whether that be counseling, medication, a combination, or just a set of lifestyle changes. My grandmother never believed in depression, and because of her my father never got treatment. I don't know what my life would be like if he was still around, but my guess is "better than this."
89. Amelia said:
It took many years for me to "admit failure" and it was the best thing I ever did. This last year with Celexa has been the brightest of my life. It was a tough step to take, but one I will never regret.
90. wendy said:
I don't take meds. But I am in therapy, and have been for two years. I now tell anyone who is interested - I have panic disorder and I am in therapy - I am not ashamed, and am even liberated by celebrating my flaws. And you are the one that helped me to see that I needed to find someone - I didn't have to suffer by myself anymore. I started reading your blog around the time you were hospitalized - and your openness about your problems helped me to see that it's okay to need help. I will probably be in therapy for a while (so many issues) - but I am so much better - panic free and dealing with life. Thanks.
91. Katie said:
I call my infrequent or frequent (depending on what is happening in my life) visits to my counselor my "tune-ups."
And I'm forever grateful for a husband who is there for me during the good times and the bad.
Thanks for sharing.
92. Chuckles said:
Amen.
Around the age of 40 I got sick of being a raging asshole, and went to the doctor and asked for something to stop it. They said it was depression, ok, fine, whatever, I just have bursts of rage that are totally out of proportion to the cause. I did not attack any loved ones, but I wasn't pleasant.
After a year of trying various chemical cocktails I settled on Zoloft, Lithium and Neurontin (for my restless legs more than anything else). I eventually tried getting off the pills due to expense, but it sent me into such a deep dark depression I had to go back on the Zoloft if nothing else.
They're not 'happy' pills, they simply even you out. I still get angry now and then but not the screaming road-rage-aholic I was.
The fact is mental health is as important as physical and why not make sure that if you have a problem it gets taken care of? It may only be temporary, but until one gets checked out one never knows.
Bravo for your continued stand on this common sense approach. You will not be alone standing in the 'weak' line, as if that made a difference.
93. Anna W said:
Heather-
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I cannot tell you how much I needed this post today, of all days. I have struggled with depression myself for so long, too long. I was on Zoloft for a while, getting better, but decided I knew better than my therapist and took myself off. Big mistake.
I had the worst day I have had in months today, and almost made a horrible decision.
I am going to try this getting better thing again, and I thank you for helping me realize why. Someday I hope my husband and daughter can thank you too.
94. Evelyn said:
Amen, Sister,
You said it. Zoloft gave me my life back and I thank goddess or whomever every day for it. I feel so lucky to live in this century where (at least in affluent parts of the world) people do not have to suffer despair and anguish because of a chemical imbalance. You'd get your broken arm fixed, wouldn't you?? Same thing with your psyche.
Thank you, Heather, for spreading the word and putting your name to it.
95. Philippe-A. said:
Wow!
96. Sara said:
There are a lot of words that I could use to say how reading about your struggle and victory with PPD changed the way I thought about myself. I had depression during pregnancy, and depression after, and simply being able to say to my husband, "Honey, I'm depressed, I need your help." did wonders in those months. Reading about how candid you are about your depression did a lot for me, especially reading how Jon supports you and loves you in spite of and because of the C-R-A-Z-Y :) But none of those words could ever say as much as a simple "THANK YOU" for this post and for sharing your life with the rest of us.
97. witchypoo said:
Can you hear an A-MEN?
98. Sadie said:
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing, Heather.
99. Brandy S. said:
Hmmm, From the start, I thought my Daughter was very high needs baby. As she got older I thought she had autism. Just before her 3rd birthday she was diagnosed with having OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and ODD Oppositional Defiance Disorder. When she was diagnosed I said I would NEVER put my child on medication. To me that is just unacceptable. I should be able to help my child I'm her mother. What had I done wrong. I followed all the advice from my doctor when pregnant etc... Still she had a problem I couldn't Control. After praying and thinking alot about what we as parents should do we ended up putting our 3 year old on Prozac. Hardest thing ever to do. Being the granola type mother that I am. Before she turned 3 I had left my husband 3 times. Moved out of state. and left my child behind. I couldn't handle life anymore. I came back and seek out medical attention. I was Severely Depressed, I suffer from OCD and have major anxiety issues. I never knew this before. I thought the right thing to do when problems would arise was to run RUN away and fast. I now take 80mg Prozac daily. If I miss my meds EVERYONE can notice. People in my family say that I am not OCD that I'm not Depressed and everything is fine. I just wished they lived in my shoes when I was dealing with all this stuff. They would know how it felt and now how I feel. I'm happy. My daughter is happy. And our Family is doing Great.
Thank you for writing this out. I need some affirmation today. Today is my daughters 5th birthday. We both have been on Prozac for over 2 years. We are finally acting like a mother and daughter should.
100. ben said:
Thank you for sharing this. Being treated for what ails you should not ever be stigmatized, be it mental or otherwise.
Personally, I get by with the help of my friends Zoloft, Lamictal and Adderall.
101. Michelle D said:
Amen. There is no shame in mental health, no matter how you achieve it.
102. Nikki said:
After three years of doing nothing, and four years of trying to find what would work, I've been stable for a year on Celexa. It's so wonderful to feel like myself again, for the first time since before I got pregnant. I am all about telling people what to look for, because the first time I really felt like myself, really calm, I knew it was going to be all right.
103. Jen said:
you haven't gone into detail about your mental health story in a while, but I've been reading for long enough that I think of you as a great example of being open, and what it does to encourage other and destigmatize mental illness and all that jazz. thanks for bringing it up again for newer readers.
Dr. O and escitolopram saved my life.
104. Jo Ann said:
I started having problems when I was a child.
The medication doesn't change WHO I am, it just helps me be the WHO that I want to be. And I won't stop taking it again just because other people don't understand.
I tried three other medications before I found the one (and the dose) that worked best, with the least side effects.
Sometimes it takes a few tries.
Jo Ann
Cymbalta 40mg in am, 20mg in pm
105. Kristine said:
I love myself more now that I can handle my life due to SSRI's - Lexapro right now. That is also not including how much my family appreciates the fact that I have helped myself. In getting help, I inspired my mother (her words) to get help for her depression and codependent relationship with my alcoholic father, which in turn, helped my dad get sober (and find out he is bipolar). Wellbutrin helps him every day. Meds and meditation helped my brother deal with his anxiety/depression and therapy helps my sister deal with her own issues with codependence.
Noone should have to live with unhappiness just to appease other people's expectations. You have to accept you aren't in control, then take control. It is very empowering.
Thank you H for your inspiring post.
106. Rachel E. said:
AMAZING post today Heather. Kudos to you for continuing to speak out. It's brave. My bonkers medicine (as my friend, Drew, calls it) saved my life.
107. Anonymous said:
Thank you Heather. I'm forwarding this to a friend who needs to hear this. Maybe it will give her the courage to get the help she needs.
108. Anonymous said:
You are THE best! Thank you very much.
109. Anonymous said:
Gosh, I hope your attitude is contagious. Mental health is just as important as physical health, if not more so. Often if a person is suffering a mental health problem it is only a matter of time before it can become disastrous to their physical being. I had a good friend who died a few years ago because of this. She was depressed after her divorce and back living with her parents. She stopped properly treating her very serious asthma and went into a terrible asthma attack as a result. By the time her father found her, she was unconscious and hadn't been breathing for an unknown period. She languished in a coma for a few days before dying.
Insurers in particular would do good to realize that mental health needs to be treated seriously. Then maybe others would be less frightened of seeking the help they need.
110. lawrie taylor said:
Thank you so much for not only presenting your problem, but also for presenting it in such a forthright way.
Heather, I am a generation older than you and I grew up with a mother who kept secrets. Seems that my aunt, my mother's sister, who I loved very much, suffered from physiological depression and after the birth of my two cousins she was diagnosed with post-partum depression which, supposedly, lasted until she died, more than five decades later. At the time she was treated with painful electric shock and spent time in a hospital. I never knew about this condition until I was grown and far from my family, where I have remained.
My late aunt's oldest daughter, the cousin I was closest to growing up, now suffers from OCD and is completely dominated by her husband, who, according to my other cousin, is worse than my uncle (my aunt's husband) and also by her children. My cousin will probably never be able to take charge of her life and make the decision to seek help.
One of my mother's two brothers also suffered from depression and committed suicide. This was years ago.
You are fortunate to have a husband and helpmate like Jon at your side, but ultimately it was your decision to seek help that turned the tide. I am sure your post will help many others.
111. Lauren said:
This bolstered me. I have finally accepted that I too will be on medication for the rest of my life. The hardest part about this illness is explaining it to the people you love who haven't experienced it themselves. And it's especially hard to answer the question, "so when are you going to stop taking meds?" Well uh, never, as a matter of fact. Because I just don't function otherwise. In many ways I don't try very hard to justify my existence as a bipolar person anymore. I just live with it, and if people are in disbelief that a relatively stable, personable and high functioning woman is bipolar, well then let them be. Because C-R-A-Z-Y looks different on everybody. Hearing other people's experiences helps extinguish those remaining fires of doubt which prompt me to question my validity as a person. No, I didn't just make this all up in my head and there are other people like me- living their lives and overall doing a pretty good job of it. Thank you Heather for putting this all out there for people to read.
112. shel said:
I suffer from type 2 bipolar disorder.
I take Cipralex, which causes sleepiness, dizzy spells, and joy of joys, sometimes I get the shits from it.
I also take Epival, a very strong anti-epileptic that is used to also treat bipolar patients. It's hard on my liver, and it runs a slight chance of killing me.
And yes, I put myself through this, because the two years I have been taking drugs to treat the bipolar disorder, my life stopped being a dead end. I'm just like you - I'm going to be on medication for the rest of my life. And I'm just fine with that.
Thank you for posting this.
113. Anonymous said:
Heather, it's possible that you just changed my life. Thanks for caring enough to share. Thanks for trying to the friend that is willing to tell the story.
114. Christine said:
Bless you, Heather. Hopefully your post will have an impact on your friend or whoever it is, and they will get the help they need.
I'm happy you got the help YOU needed. I'm so happy you're here.
From yet another Lexapro-saved soul.
115. Cara said:
Thank you for posting this and doing your part to erase the social stigma associated with these medications. You have touched so many people with this post and I'm sure it will turn someone's life around.
Anti-depressants saved my sister's life and helped my husband regain control of his life before it ruined our marriage. They will probably both be on medications for life, but it's a small price to pay.
I hope your friend reads this post and heeds the advice.
116. Alison said:
Thank you, Dooce. A year and a half ago at a very difficult time you are the reason I finally felt ok to seek help. And it has changed my life. I only wish I'd been less stubborn and not waited as long as I did. I wish I could sing your praises from every mountain top and so does everyone that knows me as we are all SO DAMN HAPPY now that I'm back :)
117. AmyM said:
Thank you for sharing your story.
I go back and forth about the state of my mental health. There are days when I think I'm OK, days when I am a raging lunatic, days when I don't think I can deal with my life, and days when I'm hyper with happiness. I sometimes wonder if I should go on medication. I don't live in my Crazy Days for very long, and if I was like that all the time, then I would definitely try to get medication. The fact that I have 'good days' throws me off. Because "oh, everyone has off days".
I saw a therapist for about a year and she never suggested I go on meds, but I never asked for them, either. It's all so confusing, just because I don't know what normal looks or feels like.
118. i i eee said:
Thank you.
I too, will always be on something. And that's okay.
119. sethonious said:
Thank you for sharing. I am not on meds, but sometimes I need to talk through (with a pro) a road block when I start getting sucked down the drain, otherwise the depression takes hold and I start to think that throwing myself in front of a MUNI is a good idea.
I also have a mild OCD that forces me to work in prime numbers only, also I have a thing with silver ware and a few other things that most people think of as quirks. They are totally manageable as long as I can do things the right way.
I hope that anyone who needs a pro or a pill would get it and we would have a lot more happy people around
120. Laura said:
My story is very similar to yours - I suffer from severe anxiety disorder that probably started earlier than high school. I finally gave in and started medication in college and it made a whole world of difference. I foolishly went off of it for a few months after I started feeling better and went through a very dark period. Luckily I have had a supportive family, fiance, and medical staff (a therapist who has saved my life many times). I agree with you - I will never be off the medication, and it's a fact I accept and choose wholeheartedly. I wish you and your friend much luck!
121. kforkeely said:
I'm one of those lurkers that reads your blog and doesn't comment, but I wanted to say that this post has really struck a chord with me. Thanks for putting it out there.
122. Kara said:
As someone who has suffered with depression and anxiety for years and years and can't quite grasp why the stigma against getting help still exists...thank you.
123. Sheri said:
Very well written. I've watched a loved one suffer. Suffer needlessly while being told, "Oh, you'll get over it." She is 44 now and for the first time EVER, she said the words "I am happy".
124. Josh said:
Amen. 10mg/day Lexapro after the longest 2 months of my life and I'm a whole new person. I can wake up and face the day. I still have low points but what a difference.
-J
125. Lo said:
Here I've been sitting at my desk for the past 8 hours trying to get up the nerve to call my "crazy doctor" to put me back on Zoloft for the third time (the first time being for ppd and anxiety, the second time because I shouldn't have gone off it the first time) afraid that to do so would be to admit that I'm broken forever, and I read this post. What timing you have. This isn't the first time you've inspired me. Thank you!
126. Lizzi said:
Thanks so very much for taking the time to write this, Heather. Having the courage to do what works for you and be proud of it isn't Crazy ... it's 'nads baby!
127. Brandy said:
Thank you for writing this. My bestfriend recently started talking to me after giving me the silent treatment for 5 months because I suggested she seek help because maybe she was depressed. I spent months listening to her talk about being sad and negative so when she asked what I would do I could only honestly tell her to get help, which was not what she wanted to hear at all. I have suffered with depression for more than half my life now and for most of that I suffered silently. Even after 2 suicide attempts at the age of 15 I didn't get help, no one offered help because it was "just a phase" and I should "stop being so miserable."
Once I got help it was like putting on glasses for the first time and realising that I wasn't seeing anything the right way.
I think it's really important for people to be more open and honest about mental health because everyone is somehow affected by it.
Thanks again.
128. Melissa said:
Heather,
Why does it take women so long to admit they need help. What you described in your blog today sounds exactly like what I have been dealing with for the past few years. I am now on several medications to help with depression and mood stabilizers and am so much happier with life. I am a non functioning bitch when I am unmedicated yet for years I felt I was OK and could handle things. I have been on the medications I take now for just over a year and am so much more peace with my life than I think I have ever been. Thank you for sharing it is nice to know others have dealt with the same struggles.
Melissa
129. Friendly said:
You are awesome. I'm so glad your blog exists.
130. Jenny said:
Amen. Wellbutrin is the reason I am here today. I waited until I was 25 because my parents were so adamant that whatever problems I had were just my fault for not being able to "pull it together" and that a Rx would just make me sick. It still makes me sad to think of my younger self, who suffered for nine years needlessly because I didn't take the antidepressants the first time they were prescribed for me.
For me, as well, the change was almost instantaneous. I had been in bed for seven weeks and suddenly (the very next day, actually) I was able to go grocery shopping. It was absolutely a miracle. (I know I was really lucky and that it takes longer for some people, but this was my experience.) No one who has ever experienced this could have any doubt about the chemical nature of depression. There was no possible way I could have just "pulled myself" out of this. Because taking that first pill was like flipping on a light switch that I couldn't reach on my own.
I tell this to everyone I know in the hopes that one person won't go a day longer without at least trying another option for help. It cannot be said enough how worth it it is just to try.
131. HollyWill said:
Heather:
Thank you for being so open about your experience. I too will be on Zoloft or something like for the rest of my life. (And twice a month therapy until my therapist dies.) I try to be open about my depression because I think it helps reduce the stigma associated with mental health disorders. Luckily, I was able to get my post-partum depression treated immediately with the help of my psychiatrist/therapist. I hate to think how much pain I would have caused myself and my family if I hadn't.
Thank you, Thank you for your openness about this issue and miscarriage.
132. Christina said:
Fantastic. I've been reading your blog for awhile, but have never posted a response even though so much of what you write resonates with me. But this time I have to say thank you.
My 82 year old mother was diagnosed with late-life bi-polar disorder a couple of years ago. A diagnosis that came after a 3-week hospitalization in a psych ward, after which she was put on medication. I can't tell you the mix of joy and sadness that my sisters and I felt about this. Joy because we finally saw our mother responding to crisis with reason and not hysteria. But sadness because of how long she waited to get herself treated. Years of depression and mania that took its toll on her and us, all because she worried about being called crazy.
I am so happy to know my crazy mom. And crazy now is only used in our conversation when we're talking about the time when we *didn't* do something.
133. Julie said:
Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I've been on meds for severe depression on and off since my freshman year of college, and have always felt that if that was what I needed to do to be sane and happy again, that was what I would do. My boyfriend, on the other hand, views anti-depressants as something no one needs in their body, despite being as severely depressed as I've ever been. I'm printing this post out for him. Maybe another voice beside mine telling him it's okay will make the difference.
134. Peter said:
What happened to the Zoloft?
I understand going off of it while pregnant, and perhaps not while breastfeeding.. But with the prior success, why wasn't that your first try once you went to the hospital?
135. Debi said:
WORD Infinity, girl! :)
Keep up the good work. Love to you and yours.
136. Pamela said:
THANK YOU
137. lucky13 said:
thank you for sharing this with all of us.
138. Kriss said:
About 6 months ago, I asked my doctor for help. Told her I was having dark days, lost my energy, was avoiding social situations, lost my focus, was angry all the time, etc.
She told me to find a way to work through it. On my own.
Flash forward to today, and I'm still angry. And crying a lot. And yelling too much.
So THANK YOU for putting this out there today. I think it's time to find a different doctor. One who might actually, you know, help.
139. Angelique said:
Bless you. Bless you Heather.
I have made the mistake of thinking that just because I have a handle on things that I can go off my meds. I can't. I give in, the meds win, and in realizing that - I can enjoy life's little hiccups.
... like when my little girl gives me a big hug in the morning before we load up to go to daycare - with her hands covered in banana - and I don't realize until I am greeting my first client of the day.
That used to bring me down so far that I would resent her. My little ones - my kids. I lost sight of perspective. That's what anxiety and depression are - losing sight of perspective.
140. Katie said:
Thank you. Maybe my boyfriend will be able to hear this from you better than he hears it from me. I'm coming from the outside, never having spent a second of my life feeling the crippling anxiety and depression that he's had every day for over ten years now. Watching the biggest 'tough guy' I know break down on a regular basis and then refuse to get help come morning is the hardest thing I've ever done. Just an idea...is there any way that Jon could write something like this from his side? I can't be the only partner out there who's overwhelmed by trying to help someone with something I can't begin to understand.
141. Anonymous said:
I almost stood up in my office and gave you a standing ovation after reading the last sentence of this entry. You truly are amazing! I pray that your friend sets whatever it is standing in her way, and gets help.
You are an inspiration. Not only to those who deal with depression, anxiety, and the like. But to people as a whole. Thank you Heather for sharing your story.
142. Kristy said:
Thank you. What I just read has given me that final little nudge I needed to gain control of my life again.