A list of sorts

1. Several people have written to express their frustration over the fee to get into SXSW to see my panel next week (I totally understand), so right now I’m trying to arrange a meet-up somewhere in downtown Austin, probably at a coffee shop, for Saturday morning (March 8th). Once I know the specific details I let you know the when and the where.

2. Coco pooped in the car yesterday. In the car. While we were driving.

3. I have a manuscript due in about a week. There’s this quote I heard once, I don’t remember who said it, but it was a writer, and when asked about her favorite part of writing a book she said something like, “When it was over.” THOSE ARE THE TRUEST WORDS EVER UTTERED.

4. It’s a little late in the month to address the masthead at the top of the page, but I feel I need to calm any lingering fears over whether or not Chuck is dead. He is not. He is alive and moody. The masthead was designed to celebrate the 7th birthday of this website, and that cursive font was a bad choice because some people thought it said ADIEU when in fact it says BODIED, and when set against Chuck’s head it looked very much like a tombstone, or at least I was told so. Sorry for the confusion, I’ll try harder next time to be clearer about my message. Also, yes, I know you’re not supposed to give grapes to dogs, I promise he didn’t eat any, although he wasn’t interested in them anyway as they weren’t made out of cow.

5. It’s a tradition around here to open comments on the birthday of the website, so I thought I’d mix things up a bit this year and turn it into a contest. What should my March tagline be? Winner, as chosen by the official panel of judges (me), gets a $50 iTunes gift card.

Go.

  • http://littleenglishgirl.com kate

    Oh, and you could add a pic of Chuck balancing a milkshake on his head.

  • http://flickr.com/photos/coyote Coyote

    Dooce: Much more satisfying than simply feeling fresh.

    Balancing precariously on the toilet seat of life.

    Good for licking since 2001.

    All the latest poop. Right here. Right now.

  • http://www.feschranch.com DigiGirl

    Like a turd in a punchbowl.

  • Kevin

    Pulling the wings off sanity

  • http://www.nevermindyear.tv sjm

    Suggested March tagline:

    “A great month to visit your cousin.”

  • http://kiwiwriter.wordpress.com Ciara

    March tagline should be: Let me tell you what’s reaalllly in that coco butter…

  • Shelly

    “She’s a perfectly modern gal, a gorgeous mess of neuroses and contradictions”

    So as not to plagarize, its a phrase I liked from this article: http://lifestyle.msn.com/Relationships/CouplesandMarriage/ArticleMC.aspx?cp-documentid=5352156

  • http://purplestar.typepad.com danelle

    It will all be ok in the end. If it’s not ok, you’re not at the end.

  • Kevin

    sanitizing brilliance with a fine mist of mediocrity

  • http://www.thebeckybug.com Becky

    I think my brain ate the rest of my masthead idea before I posted it:

    Coco Channel
    Eau de Toilette

    (I didn’t read them all, sorry if it’s a repeat.)

  • dooce

    I’m actually going to do some local SLC book signings when the fatherhood anthology comes out in April or May. Stay tuned for the details!

  • http://www.list4all.com/re-up Jesse Gray

    “I hate writing, I prefer to have written.” Paraphrased from Orwell. I think.

  • http://www.hydrangeasarepretty.blogspot.com shelli

    OK, I thought mine was funny, but then I read this:

    13. Jordan said:

    Dooce: Ignoring your unsolicited advice since 2001

    Yeah. Use that one.

  • http://roxandroll.vox.com Rox

    One more: My sensible West-by-God-Virginian grandma always used to tell us “Wish in one hand, poop in the other, and see which one gets filled up first.”

  • http://thepapertreehouse.blogspot.com margie blystone

    You said it yourself and it just struck a chord with me… “A constant fluid painting of contrasts”

    Don’t really care to win, don’t even own an ipod. Just really liked that phrase.

  • Christina

    If it smells like poop, thats because it is.

  • Lisa

    In like a coco. Out like a poop.

  • Tara

    Chuck’s alive, Coco’s unleashed.

  • meghan

    Poop.

    That is all.

  • Amanda

    Dooce: Smells like Weiner Poopie

  • lesaleigh

    My suggestion for March’s tagline is my mantra through the end of each miserable winter: “The average high temperature in March is 58 degrees.” (That is according to Weather.com, for Louisville, KY.) With my last round of law school finals coming up, the dream of warmer weather is just about the only thing getting me by. Good luck with the small dog, your tenacity and patience are far stronger than my own!

  • Anonymous

    “Same as the other guys…only HOT”

  • Matt

    “Where we’re all medicated. Except Coco.”

  • Erika

    Dooce: Where you’re not allowed to eat Chuck!

  • mixette

    I would *love* to see the whole princess aesthetic as rendered by dooce.

    “where all your wishes come true”

  • Rachel E.

    “In Like a Lion, Out Like Chuck”

  • Becca

    “because Joseph Smith said not to.”

  • Jennifer

    Lots of great ideas here!

    “A study in contrasts”
    Can refer to Chuck vs Coco, or how young children (like Leta) can be adorable one moment and screaming heathens the next, or too many other stories from this website to list.

  • Judy

    A picture of Coco chewing on Chuck’s throat with…

    Dooce:Where necking your brother is acceptable!

  • Katina

    I can probably make you feel better about Coco pooping in the car. My dog once had projectile diarrhea in the backseat with myself and my boyfriend while my parents were driving. My mother was not pleased. Did I mention he got my sandaled foot?

    Feel better?

  • Jordan

    Dooce: Ignoring your unsolicited advice since 2001

  • http://www.kimbanelson.com Kimba

    Cuckoo for Coco-Poops

  • http://greatdayinmaine.blogspot.com Leesavee

    -All the poop that’s fit to print
    -Saner than Britney
    -Read this blog or the dog gets it
    -dooce: it’s what’s for dinner
    -making dogs squeal like pigs since 2001
    -dooce: it’s the new black
    -in the throes of sleep deprivation
    -Chuck’s not dead. Really.

  • K–Dawg

    insanity with a fine veneer of insouciance

  • Anonymous

    “Shouting louder than your voice of reason”

    “The loudest voice in your head”

    “Ask yourself: W.W.D.D?” (is it too early to bring back those nasty bracelets?)

  • Anonymous

    A picture of you getting hit in the head with a brick labeled life. No, not actually getting hit in the head. You know what I mean.

  • Kate

    Poop – There was a reason we call her Coco.

  • Joanie

    “Not as crazy as Britney…yet.”

  • http://traciedavis.com Tracie

    Don’t Leta your Coco Chuck Up….

    cheers. Dooce and blurbomat get me through.

  • http://www.katyranklev.com Katy

    Dooce: Making sickly white mom-buttocks look good

  • RK

    When I was younger, I threw strawberry jam on people I didn’t like.

  • http://divine-elegance.blogspot.com Trisha

    March is Women’s History Month

    “Dooce! More Fun Than An Unexpected Period”

  • Anonymous

    masthead-Take the 30 day Dooce challenge

  • http://ginacoggio.wordpress.com Gina

    How about, “Damn, Gina!”

    A) Because it’s my name
    and
    B) Because it says so much in so few words.

  • GIna Bruce

    Tagline Ideas:

    Oozing with Excitement

    The Tao of Poo

    Coco Channel

    Where Dooceaholics Unite

    As Gentle as Vinegar and Water

    Putting the “Fun” in Dysfunction

  • Deb Mct Master

    Kay, how about this, Marching poop monster coming soon to your living room…

  • Graygirl

    Dooce: The new black

  • http://www.besmartbegreen.com M.

    …mmm, it does go well with the chicken.

    from a Beastie Boys song – which I’m sure they sampled from something else much cooler.

  • Hilary

    “March: it’s just not fair.”

  • Amelia

    Our dog once pooped in the car. She was a very good dog and only pooped in places she wasn’t supposed to if we left her alone for what she thought was too long. We were on a trip from Northern California to Southern New Mexico to go to my grandpa’s funeral. On the way, my dad wanted to travel with us (my Mom, my little sister and I) through all of the places he had lived as a child, which included cities in Colorado and Northern New Mexico, so we drove through Nevada and Utah. Seeing as how we couldn’t leave her at home for a week and did not want to board her, we took our dog, Athena.

    Then, one hot, hot afternoon, out on a long stretch of highway in the middle of nowhere Utah, Athena started acting restless. We had stopped not too long ago for her to do her business, so we figured she was just bored with sitting on the floor and was climbing up to the windows because she wanted to look out. We tried to accommodate her by allowing her to climb up onto the back dash so she could look out the rear windshield. As she was climbing up she began to poop. I could describe it in detail, but I’ll spare you the trauma and just say that it was the worst kind of poop I have ever encountered. AND…AND…my poor little sister got the worst of it – Athena pooped in her hair, on her face, down her shirt, on her arm, on her hand, basically all over my sister.

    There was screaming (from me and my sister) and there was laughing (mostly from me), and when he finally realized what was going on in the back seat, my dad pulled to the side of the road. We were nowhere near a restroom. My mom did her best with some paper towels and a bottle of water, but my sister has never smelled so bad in her life, and we had to continue to the next town, which was what seemed like hours away, with the windows down and the hot breeze air blowing in our faces so as not to suffocate in the deadly fumes.

    That incident has become a treasured family story often recounted at Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, or any other time our family gets together, in fact, my boyfriend’s kids sometimes beg me to tell it to them as a bedtime story – something about runny, green dog poop in a little sisters frizzy hair gives them sweet, sweet dreams.