Amazing and haunting, with poignancy.

Hmmm .. well, having lost my Aunt and FIL and MIL and countless parents friends just in the past year, I cannot say that these photos nauseated me. In fact the reverse, they showed a peacefullness in death .. that I remember from seeing loved ones after death. A sadness for sure - but peace does come to mind in all of them.

I held my brother's hand as he died at 36 from Lou Gehrig's Disease. Sharing his final moments as he was disconnected from the ventilator was as rewarding to me as sharing his amazing life and valiant fight. Being able to say goodbye and tell him what he meant to me was such an extraordinary gift. I found the images and stories very moving.

Why is it that life beginning, which is fraught with just as much uncertainty, pain and trauma, is somehow more beautiful than life ending?

I found the photos stunning and traumatic. And I feel for the people who died. And it's scary to think I'll be just like them some day. Because I am chicken shit.

It opened my eyes to how I might live life differently if I knew it would be over soon. Some of the pictures looked very peaceful.

While these photos were so sad in one way, they were fascinating and quite beautiful. In no way did I find them disturbing. Death is unfortunately a fact of life, if we can make it something beautiful and haunting as these photos have done, then why not.

What people need to rememeber is that they have that wonderful option of closing their browser if they find them that distasteful.

I think the Mimi must have been scared of her own inevitable death (or someone close to her). Having cared for my husband while he was dying of cancer (last year), I was amazed at how good most of these people looked. I took some photos of my husband in the last couple of weeks (more just in case the kids needed to remember something about it all). Those final hours are so intimate; I can't imagine someone else being there taking pictures.

Beautiful and very moving... Why is death so frightening if it's something we all, every living thing must face?

I must take more time to ponder the meaning of life and what it might be like for me when it ends.

Admittedly, I was nervous to click through but I couldn't help myself. I was so moved by the individuals in the photos. It's been nearly two years since I lost my mother, and the stories reminded me of her.

I thought they were fascinating. Obviously many of them knew they were sick and therefore the after death photos show the physical result of their illness. But even so, there is a feeling of peace behind them.

I cried ... but I looked through them all anyway. My grandmother is slowly withering away from Alzheimer's and seeing that some of the death portraits look close to her just got to me - but I knew what I was getting into.

Thank you for sharing.

Powerful.
Thank you for sharing that, Heather.

To several commenters: I am afraid of death because I have never loved anything more than my partner and our life together.

These photos confirmed my worst fears: people die, and they die unexpectedly. Of course, I knew this. But to see it. To calculate the time difference between "photo 1" and "photo 2" . . . gut-wrenching.

I feel so blessed to live every day the way these people began living their last days. And yet, it doesn't make the end any easier to accept.

I think the photos are beautiful. Thank you for posting the link.

Thank you, Heather, for bringing this important subject to your blog. The people in the pictures all received the time to contemplate their death and the life they had lived. Some people don't receive the time the people in the pictures had to look at the end of their life, so closely. I watched my Mother-in-law fight a 3 year battle with cancer which she lost. The pictures and the comments remind me so much of her battle with cancer and her death. I think the number of comments on this subject in your blog shows that you have touched the hearts and minds of many of us. Please consider your blog a great example of the internets's ability to educate us and cause us to communicate with each other as no other endeavor of mankind has. Well Done!!

It's sad that death is so disturbing, and yet I can help but be a little haunted by the collection, especially because of the accompanying stories. My first reaction after reading them was that I had to share them with people because they're so moving and unique.

And because they made me feel a little alone.

They are quite beautiful, but I have to admit they made me extremely sad, since it brings back memories of sitting with loved ones when they are dying, and watching the light in their eyes go out. Watching someone's face when they die is something you never get over.

I felt compelled to look in their eyes and then click back and forth between the before and after photos. I don't know why. The photos are fascinating and if they don't put things in perspective for you then nothing will.

I thought that these photos would make me sad, but instead I felt hopeful after experiencing them, and espcially after reading the comments. Thank you for sharing this.

I know I will not be looking at these photos but I have read the comments section and I echo the sentiments of many: it is inspiring and I do know that death can be a peaceful and beautiful thing - especially if you've lived a happy and honest life.

Before I came across this post I was not very inspired to do much at all but now I have the urge to get up, walk the dog and finish an assignment for uni.

life is short and so precious.

thanks heather.

I agree with #297 Christina. I really don't understand the animosity that so many posters are indulging in here. It's a very negative "gang" mentality. Mimi is entitled to her feelings and telling her to "grow a brain" or "face reality" sounds pretty immature. She was looking at reality and it caused a reaction in her different from many of dooce's regulars. So why the anger?

Plus, the point of her email was that the photos were evocative and Heather didn't originally allow people to comment on what could bring out strong reactions -- good or bad -- in her audience. Yeah, using "chickenshit" was strong, but Heather's a big girl. I think she can take it. And the posters aren't even attacking her for that--it's because she doesn't agree with EVERYONE ELSE THAT THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.

Groupthink is great when it's kind and supportive, and damned ugly when it degenerates to attacking a different opinion--especially on this type of individual/personal perspective.

Heather, I'd love it if you wrote a post aobut this some time. Do you think it's great that the posters are going after Mimi? No way would I put her in the Hate Mail category...

My (Mormon) mother died of cancer a couple of years back. I sat with her body. Then, a few days later met with the ladies from the Relief Society and my sister and I helped to dress her in her Temple clothes for burial. I'm not Mormon; I wasn't sure I could do it, but I think it really helped me come to terms with her death and all the things unspoken.

These photos are powerful and in their own way beautiful. What brave people for sharing such an intimate part of themselves. Thank you.

I thought these photos were profoundly moving. I felt like a privileged witness. Thank you.

Thank you for linking to those photos. What a beautiful and amazing body of work. Since 2005, when my son spent 7 weeks after birth in the NICU, and we weren't sure whether he would live or die, I have a whole new perspective about what is important. This is an important piece that I hope more people find.

To "Mimi in Oakland", I have a question: Exactly what about the photos nauseated you? You do know that you are not going to live forever, right? You will also be dead one day, as will I, and as will every single person leaving a comment here. Does that also nauseate you? Would you like someone to say that a picture of your dead face was nauseating? Why did you even feel the need to comment at all?
No one likes to think about death. I used to have major panic attacks about the fact that I will not be "here" in the conscious sense that know.

Thanks again, Heather, for another awe-inspiring post. You either make me laugh or give me lots to think about.

we were actually discussing this phenemenon in my museums and collectiong seminar at university, and this practice has been incredibly grounded in history as post mortem may be the only chance one could be photographed aside from their wedding portraits.

it's not death that one fears-- it's the manner in which one dies that causes all this fear.

I guess I can understand now why Douche, err, Dooce closes comments on every post. There is only so much ass kissing and lemming mentality one can stand.

That makes me far more sick to my stomach than photos of dead people.

The fascination you all show with the peacefulness and serenity of death is more telling about your fears of death. You insist on placating e with the soothing idea that is like falling asleep. It's not.

Those of us who have faced it many times can tell you that for every "peaceful passing" there are dozens of violent, messy and ugly final moments. Would you all be so quick to genuflect in front of Dooce for posting those photos?

Ugh. Back to your puppy dogs, snotty noses, and rainbows brought to you by the Wal-Mart Corporation.

The idea of being part of a million billion grains of sand in the desert--after one dies, is beautiful.

Very nice choice, Heather, for today's entry title. The exhibit was very fine indeed.

Thanks.

What terrifies me most about dying is the certainty that eventually, I will be forever forgotten.

I want to believe that these souls are somehow aware of the continuing impact their images and words have on the rest of us. Not all of us will be forgotten, even though we have done nothing more noteworthy than live and die. That comforts me.

Having watched my father die from cancer, I wondered if I should look at the photos or not. I did, and have to say that I'm glad for it. Life--and death--are at once both painful and glorious. It's good to be reminded of this now and again. Thanks for the link.

amazingly hauntingly beautiful
death is inevitable

would the birth of a baby disgusted mimi equally?

I'd understand if you posted pictures of gory deaths or murder scenes, but this is artistic. Art is supposed to push your limits and make you think, it's meant to be controversial. These photos are tactful and beautiful, maybe it's just her personality that's nauseating.

They are beautiful. I appreciate your bringing them into so many people's lives.

My partner died 4 years ago and my father last year. It is an odd thing being with the body of some one you know so intimately once they die. Their body does change so quickly. I have photos of both men in their death. It comforts me when i question whether those deaths actually took place.... I don't find it morbid, but rather another piece of who they are. I agree that it is similar to being with someone who is being born.

Did you know that there used to be a whole field of death portraits? When travel was more difficult, it was one of the ways that people could have verifiable confirmation of a person's death. Imagine being a pioneer with family back in "civilization" that you couldn't get to easily or quickly. I'll bet people used to cherish those portraits...

I won't look at them, based on your description, so why would she? You definitely have the right to post whatever you want!

Mimi:

Sigh. Get some therapy. This is not about your so-called "comment." I don't think it's real. You are desperate for attention and are a professional "blog baiter." Goad goad goad, that's your game.

The problem is, is that you're boring in the way mean teenagers are boring. I'm sure that all these reactions feel good--negative or not.

There's a huge irony here, in how all this developed and you better wise up:

If anything, you should have learned from this exhibit that you need to decide NOW what you want your life to be about. Do you want your life to be all about being some Internet mosquito trying to get attention by purposely saying mean dumb things?

I guess so. Oh well. It's your life.

'Cause guess what, you're gonna die too someday."

Snithia

had to click the link after mimi's big rant. what a moving and beautiful piece. thank you.

I found the pictures haunting and quite moving. I was with my brother when he died. It's a life changing experience. As odd as it sounds, I am forever thankful that he allowed me that privilege. Birth and death are both messy, painful and in their own way... beautiful.

Given that Heather only infrequently opens comments, it's hardly a valid criticism that she initially didn't for this post.

Personally, I found the photos lovely - dignity given to a natural process that too often has none, voice given to those who would soon be silent. They reminded me of Swinburne's "The Garden of Proserpine":

From too much love of living,
From hope and fear set free,
We thank with brief thanksgiving
Whatever gods may be
That no life lives for ever;
That dead men rise up never;
That even the weariest river
Winds somewhere safe to sea.

I thought the photographs were very moving. I kept hoping that each death photo would be taken years after the life photo was presented. They were very peaceful ... that's what I liked most about them.
Thank you for the link Heather. I may never had had the opportunity to view them otherwise.

Heatherly

not that interesting. people die every day. this isn't new to us. some of them have interesting stories. this shouldn't be new, either. reach out to people if it bugs you that they eventually kick the bucket. we're all meat, after all.

I was hesitant to click on the link, but now I'm glad I did. I cried my way through every story and photo. Thank you for sharing this Heather. :) As cheesy as this may sound, it makes the statement "Don't sweat the small stuff" so much more meaningful.

The photos are many of the things people have posted. They are: haunting, beautiful, peaceful, brilliant, poignant, compelling. They also made me nauseous. Not because I found them repellent, ugly, distasteful, disrespectful, or any of these things. I am ENTITLED to feel nauseous after viewing these images. They are images of life and death and are very strong, visual reminders of our own mortality and the short time we have. They are reminders of who were are, what we have done, our hopes, dreams, regrets, missed opportunities, families. They are reminders that this too shall be all of us one day. Feeling nauseous by the inescapable, overwhelming reality that this will be me, you and everyone we know one day is FAIR. I am human, god damn it. I am not going to bang a tambourine and applaud of all you for being so magnanimous that you did not feel the same way.

Beautiful

What's wrong with this world is people who assume the worst in others. I, probably like most of your readers, would never have assumed that you meant anything but to share something you found moving and beautiful. That email you got was just so... surprising. I guess firstly it surprised me that people would find those pictures nauseating, but after my surprise was immediate understanding. However for anyone to assume that you did it deliberately to shock and nauseate people... astounding.

What sad pictures and a moving reminder of context and life. Thank you for linking.

So incredibly profoundly thought provoking. The captions peirced my heart. Makes me want to go hug my husband. *Tear

I think they are beautiful photos. I just got back to LA last night after spending the weekend in Austin, TX, where I gave part of the eulogy at my dear friend's memorial service. She was 42 when she died on March 11, so these photos were especially meaningful and poignant for me.

I have posted this several times throughout today...

Heather,

I don't know how you do it. I'm a little taken aback by the things people write. And they don't read thoroughly, they just spew out venom without even attempting to understand what the writer is saying. If you thoroughly read my email to you it clearly does not attack you for your post. I merely shared with you 1) how it made me feel, and 2) questioned why you closed comments. At no time did I say anything about you or your right to post them.

Now I have made one fatal error: I assumed you left the comments open on all your posts. I looked. You don't. I thought you always left comments open and thought you closed them for fear of the ensuing potential reaction to the images.

As for calling you a chicken shit, I know you can take it. And I called you a chicken shit in the same way I'd call a friend of mine chicken shit for not doing any number of acts I might be goading her into doing that she desn't want to do. Yes, you've been goaded.

And look at what has been shared today. THAT's more beautiful than the images.

Mimi
Oakland, CA

As weird as this is - it gave me perspective on a very difficult day.

thank you for providing the link.

mimi responded not far above my original comment.

mimi, if you have a strong reaction to the pictures, that is your stuff. heather has no obligation to you or anyone else to be a sounding board for your reactions. she is not your therapist, your spouse or your parent. sure you can say you felt nauseated by the photos, that's your reaction. however, telling heather that she's a coward because she chose (at hte time) to not have comments open is plain misdirection and obfuscation.

your reaction is not the fault of heather, and heather is not obliged to take care of you.

Wow! Amazing. I recently decided to volunteer at a local Hospice and ironically, my training is this week. Hearing how much some of these people appreciated their Hospice care, makes me know even more that this is what I need to do.

I had heard of this sort of project, but never saw the results. This was beautiful, sad, loving and compassionate.

I have a fascination with obituaries and read them in our paper every day. Wouldn't it be more interesting if the obits were written as honestly as the stories with the photos? I was afraid to look at the dead ones but I found that everyone looked very peaceful.

I do think it helps if you have dealt with death up close and personal (in the room when my grandmother died, held my dog as she died, etc.) It seems to take away the fear of death and seeing dead bodies. Maybe Mimi hasn't experienced it yet.

I have such an amazing mix of emotions as I look at these photos and am on the verge of tears--because life is so very beautiful and I love living it so much. To see people face death with such grace and wisdom shows me how much I have left to grow, and I hope I have a long life to do so.

Really moving. The comments made it especially poignant. I watched my mom die and have never been more grateful for such an awful experience. We talked often about how her cancer just sucked the big one and dying was shitty. I hope someone does that for me.

I saw a link to this on digg.com and the pictures were so amazing, they all looked like they were sleeping. It made me think of a dream I had recently; I dreamed I was dying and it felt just like falling asleep, and a voice said to me "this is what it is like, you just go to sleep". The dream was so real that it creeped me out. My Father has just been through radiaton and chemotherapy for squamous cell carcinoma and I have been forced ot contemplate the possiblily that my Father is very near death and it was very comforting to know that he will be at peace and that one day I will too.

So amazingly beautiful and thought provoking! Thank you for posting the link. I am going to add it to my blog. I am truly amazed by the person that even thought up this project. Death is not nauseating, it is reality. Plus, what a beautiful way to immortalize these individuals. If anything, this gave their life more meaning than it already had...the photos touched me and obviously many others, except Mimi. I feel sad for Mimi, she seems lonely and has obviously never dealt with the death of someone close to her. Take pity on her, it will be exceedingly difficult for her to handle.

Sad. Respectful.

Naomi,

And just what did I blame Heather for? Help me out here. Do you know something about my intent that I don't? Perhaps my subconscience is obfuscating information from my conscience. What exactly in my post led you to believe I wanted, or needed, Heather to take care of me? You don't even know me and yet you somehow feel the right to be a critic of my questioning why comments were closed. I thought people might actually have something to share on the topic that could unite all of us with this common, inevitiable thread we have called DEATH. Good and bad.

I have specifically not reduced myself to any name calling in any of my posts, save calling Heather a chicken shit. And good grief, it was used like an exclamation point - my intent wasn't to be aggressive. I apologise to you, Heather, if you felt I was. I know you're laughing about this whole sh*t storm and I'm glad you're getting the traffic. Raise your advertising rates.

Mimi

The pictures, but moreso what these people had to say about life and death... was really powerful. The first pair of pictures was shocking, but after that, it almost became easier to see the face once filled with life, now a shell of what it was, skin tight but sagging.. than it was to read the captions attached. Those were what brought me to tears.

Even though I normally would resist looking at something like this because I'm really sensitive and just about anything will make me cry, I'm really glad I checked it out. It was a reminder to live each day to the fullest and never take for granted the life we have.

Thanks, Dooce.

I happen to appreciate the link greatly. I am a mortician/undertaker and find death-related things fascinating and educational. It's your website, you gave plenty of warning as to what the images were going to be. The photographs were in good taste and actually, from my experience, provided a very cheery, clean glimpse of death...

Thank you for sharing them. :)

The photos are many of the things people have posted. They are: haunting, beautiful, peaceful, brilliant, poignant, compelling. They also made me nauseous. Not because I found them repellent, ugly, distasteful, disrespectful, or any of these things. I am ENTITLED to feel nauseous after viewing these images. They are images of life and death and are very strong, visual reminders of our own mortality and the short time we have. They are reminders of who were are, what we have done, our hopes, dreams, regrets, missed opportunities, families. They are reminders that this too shall be all of us one day. Feeling nauseous by the inescapable, overwhelming reality that this will be me, you and everyone we know one day is FAIR. I am human, god damn it. I am not going to bang a tambourine and applaud of all you for being so magnanimous that you did not feel the same way.

moving.poignant.beautiful.

thanks for sharing dooce.

get to living people.

I thought they were very moving. After looking at them, I feel that I need too go do everything I've always wanted to do. It reminded me that life is so short. Even though I'm young, my life can be taken anyway at any moment.

Thank you for sharing this. The pictures before death, to me, revealed a calmness found within. I didn't find anything gross about it at all. It was beautiful and fascinating and awe-inspiring and thought provoking. I'd like to think my dad had that calm about him right before he passed. Keep up the good work, Heather. :)

Not sure what would be creepy about these. They just look like they're sleeping.

This was very moving. I think the skill and care the photographer took in his work, and the accompanying quotes made this truly remarkable, evocative and touching. I was most touched by Heiner Schmitz' quote: “Some of them even say ‘get well soon’ as they’re leaving; ‘hope you’re soon back on track, mate!’” says Heiner, wryly. “But no one asks me how I feel. Don't they get it? I'm going to die!” We all have a responsibility to allow the dying to speak, don't you think? Schels and Lakotta listened.

Thank you for linking us to this wonderful site. I work in an ICU near Chicago, IL and deal with people dying everyday. The ICU is not a place of peace, or passing. Usually it is about fighting death. We try to walk with those we can't save, but it is hard for families, and sometimes patient's, to let go.

This was a gift.

~catherine

Jill,

You're a darling. Thank you for your comment. I have, throughout the day, posted additional information shedding further light on my original email. Of course no one reads through all the comments so they respond in a knee-jerk fashion withour getting the full scope of the intended message. You are among the few who took the time to actually grasp the point I was trying to make. The imagery was the imagery disturbing to me for many reasons but I am even more disturbed by the hateful comments. The blackness with which some people speak and comment without fully understanding the situation or issue is why there is so much misunderstanding in our world.

I am at peace with how I feel about life and death contrary to what many posters seem to believe - since of course they have me all figured out after reading several sentences I wrote.

Mimi

having recently completed treatment for breast cancer, I found these photos riveting and yet disturbing.

I have been thinking about death a lot lately even though, I've been told I'm healthy now.

Thanks for posting this.

I just buried my dad on Saturday. After what he looked like at the end of his life - these pictures looked peaceful to me. More importantly the comments were very intriguing. I particularly liked the fact that hospice was mentioned several times as they were so wonderful to my dad and we could not have gotten through his cancer without them.
Keep on doing what you always do Heather.

Like so many other people who commented, I found these very moving and peaceful. Even those people in the pictures who feared or raged against death looked at peace, gently sleeping. The comments of the woman who wanted to die alone, and did, was very sad to me.

Part of my response comes from an experience I had of caring for a very dear friend who died of cancer in March 2003. It was a shock to see her deteriorate in the months before her death, but like these people, when she did pass away she finally looked, for the first time in months, in peace.

I thought the images were haunting and beautiful.

Thanks for posting the link.

I found nothing nauseating about these photographs.
They were not gruesome; rather, these people seemed as if they had come to terms with their fates, in one way or another, even if they were angry or distressed for not having more time. And the pictures are nothing without the text, because it's fascinating reading how all of those people perceived death and their own situations.

I loved it. And chicken shit really brings out the piss and vinegar in your eyes.

I came back to check out the comments, because so many commenters have such amazing stories, and such raw emotion to share about their own experiences about how death has touched their lives...their honest reactions, or their decision to not click the link, whatever it is.

And I see Mimi's whining. Mob mentality. What the fuck ever.

I still think you're stupid for whining about the comments being closed and saying the photos nauseated you. Sure you're entitled to feel that way and say you feel that way. And we're entitled to call you a big whiner. And someone incapable of reading, honestly.

I see so many postings lashing out on Mimi for responding negatively, but then again, we hardly live in a culture where death is appropriately acknowledged, much less fully understood. Death is not beautiful- and, for many with cancer, like the sitters in these portraits, it can be harrowing, incredibly painful, unwanted, feared. Anyone who has lost someone to cancer knows it to be so. Yes, these photos are powerful, but not just for their "positive" message. Don't fool yourself- part of our fascination with the process is the inevitability of it, and also how shrouded in false good humor, 'courage', and the cult of the individual it has all become. It is the simplest, the ugliest, the most profound of experiences. But to sweeten or soften it is to rob it of its significance.

I thought the photos were beautiful and incredibly thought-provoking. Thanks for sharing

As a nursing student, I -

a.) find this blog very inspiring and a wonderful stress reliever to me... I love Dooce! :)
b.) find the 'portraits before and after death' a very good thing - our nation suffers because they don't usually accept death as other nations (such as Germany ... obviously). I give props to you Heather, for showing people that you understand and find this both inspiring and beautiful.

Those pictures were reality, stark and unpolished. I think we've all gotten a little too used to airbrushed and perfect.

Thank you for posting the link.

I'm so glad I saw these. I feel sad but they were really something. Thanks. I don't know why you inspire such crazy feelings from people, though - who are they?

Heather, once again you have touched the center of so many psyches. You amaze me at your ability to make all of us out in cyberspace laugh, cry, and search our souls. The saddest of these portraits were of those individuals that death sneaked up on and caught so unready. That it was in their faces before death was what I found so profound. I hope they were all able to find some peace in those final moments. Maybe this will help us all live better so we can die well too. Thanks Heather.

685 comments, you sure are popular nowadays Heather.

More ads!!

:-)
Craig

I find it sad that Mimi comes in, hundreds of comments later, to NOW explain herself. You called Heather chicken shit, Mimi, and were a total bitch in your email. And now you want to make nice by explaining yourself? Backpedaling now just makes you look sadder than you obviously are. I also find it interesting you're hanging around, hundreds of comments later, to see what folks are still saying.

Sorry if my comment makes me part of the 'witchhunt' and the 'Dooce lovers club' but it's how I feel.

I took care of my grandmother while she died of cancer. She beat breast cancer at 42 and it came back and got her at 87. In two weeks she went from walking freely and telling jokes to being on morphine and in a diaper. While she was still coherent I asked her if she was scared to die. She told me she was initially but after thinking about it awhile, and all those who'd be there waiting for her (she was a catholic and her husband, my grandfather, had passed years before), she was ready. It was the single best conversation I've ever had with anyone in my life.

Thanks, Heather, for making me think of Gram and that conversation. I'm going to now go kiss my kids, walk the dog and hug a tree.

This, to me, represented one aspect of death. Many of these people died of cancer, very unlike traumatic deaths from accidents or crimes. To me, death in and of itself is not scary, but rather the unknowns of the circumstances in which our own death will eventually take place. Will I get cancer when I'm 83 and die peacefully in hospice? Or will I die in a terrible car crash two years from now? Will I get to see my children grow up, and even my grandchildren? Or will I die before I even have the chance to bear children? Who knows...and that's what makes ME nauseous. One who is not all cheery and at-peace-with-it is just as normal as one who is.

I thought they were beautiful

As a physician in training I have witnessed death firsthand on multiple occasions, and I thought I would be unmoved by these photos.

They are simply beautiful. The photos and their captions capture so well the myriad emotions involved with dying -- acceptance, fear, anger -- as well as the profound peace after death.

It reminds us that as each of us had a different life, so too will we have different deaths, though we all get there in the end.

honestly, i'm a little surprised at how creeped out i got looking at the photos. watching scary movies doesn't faze me but seeing the real thing really hit me. it was pretty enlightening.. definitely moving.

Waitaminute -- my 19-month-old daughter's name is Mimi and we live in Oakland! I'll have to have a word with her -- she has been showing a lot of interest in the keyboard lately.

Seriously, Mimi's comment was rather hostile (accusing someone of being a chickenshit isn't likely to elicit a positive response!) but I can understand having a very strong emotional response to these photos and wanting a place to discuss it.

I can also understand having a stronger response than one expected. For me, the hardest part about the photos wasn't the "after" versions, it was reading quotes from the people who knew they were going to die, and were really sad and lonely and knew that now, it was NEVER going to get better for them. That kind of finality is, in a way, nauseating.

Finally, on a side note... anyone out there read Evening by Susan Minot? These photos and quotes made me think of it... very moving novel about a woman who is dying of cancer and thinking back on her life. (The movie , which I did not see, apparently doesn't do it justice)

Everyone had the choice to click the link or not, I made the choice and clicked. I haven't made it though all the portraits. What I have seen are simply beautiful. I remember my mother taking a photo of my grandmother after her death and I thought there was no way I could ever do that. Now I want and need to see the photo. Thank you for sharing.

My father just passed away a few short weeks ago, and I have been thinking a lot about death and what comes after. It was my very first major experience with loss- and I'm 42. I think the photo series was very moving (at least for me) Most of the dead looked at peace. Reading about their regrets, fears, and acceptance of their fate made me wonder how I might live my life better.

Heather, I'm very disappointed that you threw Mimi to the wolves by posting her email. You took what could have been very interesting and thought-provoking commentary, and created a lowest common denominator comments section where the heartfelt sentiments of those truly engrossed by these pictures have been overshadowed by the Mimi-bashing angry mob. I understand if you don't want to be called names, but you cheapened the whole point of the link you posted by inviting this sycophantic bullshit into your comments section. Kudos to Mimi for confronting her feelings on the issue and having the balls and the decency to follow up and explain her actions. Shame on you Heather for posting her email in the first place and for not answering her responses in the comments and putting the Mimi-bashing to rest. I've lost a great deal of respect for you and your website today.

After just watching my mother die from breast cancer this past October (and a sister a decade ago) I found them very real and a little liberating. Sometimes I really wish people would just ask me what it was like . . .

Thanks for the post, Heather.

Beautiful. Thank you for posting the link.

That was absolutely beautiful and amazing. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. It makes me realize just how much you need to live your life to the fullest everyday because you really do just never know.

Thank you for the link. It's not something I'd have likely found on my own, but I'm glad I did see those pictures. Viewing them and reading the text gave me some perspective on my grandmother's death from cancer two years ago. Until now, her actual death has been too painful for me to really reflect upon too much because it was something I experienced at close range. Those pictures, and the text accompanying them, have made me realize that nothing we weren't alone in anything that we went through with her, and we won't be alone when we eventually go through it ourselves.

People who are "nauseated" by it are deluding themselves. We all face death some day--it's inevitable. Enjoy the life you have, but accept that you will eventually die.

My dad died suddenly 8 eight days ago. He had a stroke 3 weeks ago and deteriorated rapidly, then he was gone. In that short time, physically he changed into a different person. If I had been less afraid I would have taken a picture of him in the hospital. As it was I took a photograph of his hand, resting against the bars of the bed.
It is the only picture I have of him from the last 7 years.
There is nothing wrong, or nauseating, or degrading, disgusting etcetc about these pictures. They are the last visual testament to the only private battle we ever fight in life.
It really doesn't matter whether people like these kind of photos or not - as long as it makes you realise how transient this all is.. why waste time arguing.

Thanks for the link Heather, and the blog!
Hug your little girl and have a cookie - life is short :)
Mariel

I was intrigued by the pictures, but am finding it hard to swallow all the crap about peaceful release. That is something that only makes those left behind feel better. As someone dealing with a serious and life threatening illness, I can tell you that, while not afraid of dying, I also have no desire to kid myself that it is something welcome.

The desire to live is strong and you are kidding yourself to think otherwise. I have never met anyone facing this that was willing to let go without a struggle. And I'm deeply offended by the idea that anyone who doesn't think that death is a lovely thing is delusional.

Death is natural, yes, but so is living in a cave in the woods, and killing our meals with our own hands. Not all things natural are good, people, and acceptance can be had without acquiescence.

I couldn't look at all of them. Death has always been a tough thing for me to see after my grandfather died. The same thing I always seem to notice and it's scary and beautiful at the same time...how the skin is so thin and feather like.

I was surprised at how pretty the people looked when they died. They looked peaceful and at home.

I thought the photos were beautiful. They reminded me of when my own father died. His face was reminiscent of the faces of the portraits. A little smaller but at peace. My father died of bowel cancer and during the last month, he was in a lot of pain and his face was always pinched and somewhat distorted. So to see these photos, I'm reminded again that when I saw him, shortly after he had passed away in the hospital, he looked almost relaxed, like a great burden had been lifted.

Thanks for the link, Heather! It was much appreciated. I don't think modern society on a whole discusses death as much as our ancestors did. This collection of photos was pretty thought-provoking for me and provided another something to mull over while I study for finals.

I was a little apprehensive to go to the site, based on your description. I thought it might be a bit morbid.

While some of the pictures were sad (like the woman with breast cancer, and how much she changed in just a few short months) they were mostly beautiful, and tranquil, and awe-inspiring.

There is so much peace there. Not at all what I expected. Of course, the only dead person I have ever seen prior to this website was my grandfather, and he was heavily made up in his coffin, looking unnatural.

Thank you for sharing this site. I liked it a lot.

http://www.cliopatra.net

I thought the photos were beautiful. I think it is a good thing to be reminded that life is temporary, it's final destination death; therefore that every day is a gift. during cars

I think Mimi in Oaklands' comment was rude to you. You stated what the photos were about and her curiousity got the best of her, if she didn't like it, it's her own damn fault for looking, no one forced her to look at the photos.

They were beautiful and sad and raw. I agree with the comment above, they do remind me a bit of Annie Liebowitz.

I couldn't look at the pictures all at once, maybe because it is late enough that there is no sun to step out into. The pictures were meditative, but I think I will continue to take them in small doses.

As others have said, haunting. But oddly (surprisingly) peaceful.

My father died of lung cancer in 2000. Neither the disease nor its treatment were kind to him. We have no pictures of him during the last year of his life, because we wanted to remember him the way he'd been before he was sick.

I look at these, and a part of me regrets that decision. Because in hindsight, that phase of his life was a journey toward peace. For him and for all who loved him.

Thank you for sharing this, and for opening the comments so that others could share as well.

Absolutely moving. I've cross posted to my personal blog, so that others can see them as well.

Thank you for sharing them with us all.

Deeply moving. Since the sun isn't out, instead I emailed my parents to tell them how much I love them.

Thanks so much for posting.

I think American society today is devoid of opportunities to be confronted by death, and this clearly makes people uncomfortable. I thought the photos were beautiful and moving, thanks for posting them.

Beautiful. The words touched me more than the photos.

Based on the comments, I guess I'm the only one who is underwhelmed by the photos. I don't find them to be beautiful at all, but then again, I am not into pain nor do I prefer to gawk at the dead.

Are these images supposed to teach us something? Does it take death to inspire life?

I wonder if people here would feel the same looking at images of dead dogs or cats.

tragic
intense.
life.
breathe.
last.
death.
This was something unique, I'm glad you posted it here!
Thank you Dooce!
Sincerely,
Crustybeef~

Wow. That affected me in so many ways and I'm sitting here sobbing. They look so at peace once they are gone. The living portraits just made me want to sit with them and listen to anything they had to say. Man - what was unbelievably powerful. Thanks so much for sharing it with us. I never would have sought that out or looked at it on my own.

They were terribly sad. But I've seen unsettling and nauseating post-mortem photographs... these ain't them. They're carefully lit and arranged so that in several cases I'd think that the subject was sleeping.

1) Unless you need a good cry, make sure Mindy Smith's "One Moment More" isn't playing while you look at these. But if you need a good cry, by all means.

2) Anyone else struck by how quickly some of these people faded away? Looking at the dates between their first picture and the death picture is amazing - it's like life just pulled itself out from under them.

Thanks for sharing, Heather.

Given that death pictures are nothing new, one wonders what Mimi in Oakland has been doing never to have come across them before.

Or she's a dog using the Internet.

"Some of the dying said, 'It's so good you're doing this - it's really important to show what it's like. No one else is listening to me, no one wants to hear or know what it's really like.'"

Such a powerful message!

I would never have seen this link were it not for your post, Heather - breaking "confirmed lurker" status today to say thank you :-)

Whew. Some of them are so young. And yet death sometimes looks so like sleep.

The pictures didn't bother me at all; I saw my parents after they passed away, and there was nothing disturbing about it at all. Sad, yes, but nothing more.

One thing I did think, after reading the dialogue accompanying each photo, was how grateful I am that my life feels so complete. I could die tomorrow with no regrets. Each day is precious, and I am very aware of that. I feel so blessed that I'm able to appreciate things the way I do. It's sad that not everyone has that ability. (And I mean that sincerely--not sarcastically.)

Thank you for posting those photos, Heather.

I think those photos were brilliant... beautiful and inspiring.

WHOA. What a perfect, awe-inspiring post. Thank you so much for sharing Heather.

I think these are beautiful, and the photographers were courageous. Thank you for posting the link, Heather.

I was a little shaken because I have cancer, but it is a very beautiful piece of art.

Katie

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
Truman Capote

I thought it was beautiful.. but frustrating. So many people don't know God and are scared, angry, sad.. It was a beautifully done piece. And why should you open comments if you don't want to on your own site?? I don't think it's you who's a chicken sh**... just sayin'

At first I was all, come on, Mimi, you can read and it's not like they died in car accidents or chain saw murders. Nothing nauseating here.

But then I thought, you know, maybe she knows someone who has cancer, or she does, and she's not ready to face death, and anger is one way of engaging with it. Heather's tough enough, clearly, not to take it personally, and I'm glad it opened up the comments.

My ex-girlfriend and dear friend Diane died of pancreatic cancer at 46. I didn't see her in her last stages; I didn't go to the burial because I had a newborn. Seeing those women, the ones in their 40s, I could see a lot of Diane. That was a comfort, if a bittersweet one. She wanted to live, but she died with a very precise kind of grace.

The photos make me meloncholy ...

What will I look like? And how will I face death?

I appreciate the artists for forcing me to think about it! And praise to the (wo)man Dooce for posting about it.

As I looked at each photo, I appreciated the life I've been given more and more each day.
With each new face and the explanation about them on the side, I kept hoping that maybe just maybe, they wouldn't die in the end, that I wouldn't have to see them gone.
My friend Stefanie died a few months ago, because her ex-boyfriend stabbed her because his new girlfriend was jealous. Stefanie was fourteen, the same age as me. I am reminded of her, seeing the spark of life in her eyes just like in the eyes of the before pictures, and I couldn't bring myself to go to her funeral in case I saw that spark gone.
That's what hurt the most in these photos, seeing the spark gone out of their eyes.
I find this beautiful and strong. I wish I was strong enough to see my friend one last time though...
Rest in peace, Stef. I love you.

The pictures made me sad but I was also glad that the artist gave his subjects the ability to live forever in art. He gave them a voice that will last well beyond their deaths.

BEAUTIFUL. THANK YOU, DOOD.

Mimi from Oakland are you serious when you say that you should "never have seen" those photos?

You are JOKING aren't you? What's wrong with them?

They are photos of people at rest - why is that SO terrible? I don't get it, I can only put it down to you living an incredibly insulated life.

My mother is at the end of her life ... she has high end dementia and is agitated beyond words - it's horrible. I can only HOPE I see this kind of peace on her face again one more time - even if it is "only" after she has passed.

WHY did you click on the link if you weren't prepared to look at them Mimi?

The images told a different story than the words of those not ready to die. They looked beautiful in death, but their words are what are going to haunt me as I dream...

Although, I did enjoy the images. Very lovely and moving. I've already lost two people this year, and both of them looked just at peace.

I looked at every single one and every single one got me choked up. When I was a senior in high school, after a long, hot walk home, I was confronted by two detectives who were having a chat with my 80-something grandmother who spoke maybe three words of english. My uncle had killed himself that day. April 10, 2002. Not long after, I was face to face with his body, on a stretcher, draped in a white sheet. It was so strange to see him, but so fascinating to see death like that. My brother, who was 5 at the time, got to see him too. Smart move? Maybe not to many, but I think so. Our uncle didn't just disappear off the face of the planet. He died. We all said goodbye and he was cremated. We buried his ashes on his 50th birthday, May 10, 2002.
Point of the story? Death happens, deal with it the best way you can. Even if it means staring right at it.

Like the people before me said, you were not a chicken shit for closing comments. Some people just refuse to deal with it and would rather raise a fuss.

8. Anonymous said:

i kept hoping they wouldnt die in the next photo

04.01.08 - 11:16 AM

Thank you for this honesty. I also had the same feeling but couldn't put it into words.

I am so incredibly impressed with this project. The fact that people are out there dealing with the inevitable subject of death is inspiring. Thank you for posting this, Heather.

Wow! I am just speechless. What a wonderful, moving tribute to these wonderful people and how much they endured at the end of their lives.

I did not find the pictures nauseating at all. I thought it was honest, peaceful and beautiful in a way.

When I was in high school, my sister's friend's mom was murdered in a domestic violence case. She still looked scared in the coffin. After that funeral, I purposefully choose not to walk by the casket at funerals even though I know that the majority will have the peaceful look that death typically brings. I chose not to look at the pictures until Mimi's comment. Perhaps it was morbid curiosity that made me click but whatever it was, I looked. Amazing--there is a peace each of them had in both pictures and the text that really makes me think.

Interesting that one of my verification words is "struggling"--seems fitting.

What the hell did she THINK she was going to see? You were clear about what the photos were. Idiot. Someone needs to develop a computer function that says "Block Idiots."

I thought they were amazing AND disturbing, but I think we should all take personal responsibility for what we click on. C'mon Meems.

Thank you for sharing this site. Our society has a difficult time with death. The site allowed me to bring up before and after images in my minds eye of my best friend who passed away from cancer in 2006 at the age of 50. Although I shed a tear...the memory made me smile.

Embrace life, forgive and smile.

I've been seemingly surrounded by death this last year and this reminded me of when I saw my stepfather, who I adored, in the hospice, before the morticians showed up. And he was just gone. And I cried. And then I read the article and cried some more. Cold and heavy, like cement. I needed to remember that feeling, I want to remember that...So thank you.

And then I came back and I saw that stupid insensitive comment.

Mimi, part of grief is rage. And all I feel about you posting that bullsh*t comment where you called this lovely blogger names for offending your ridiculously sensitive aesthetic? Is pure blind screaming rage.
Clearly from these comments, posting this was helpful, inspirational, or otherwise positive to - at this count - the overwhelming majority of almost a thousand people.
Grow the f*ck up and say you're sorry.

Again, I will never cease to be amazed at the shit that is hurled at you. I am so sick of people blaming and complaining. If Mimi didn't want to see the photos she had ample warning in your description. And it is up to you whether you open comments. If people are so appalled at you that they feel compelled to submit some shitty ass comment, you should have a standard email response:

Kiss My Ass.

Your site is one of my daily joys. Thanks, as always.

Blah, blah, blah fangirls and -boys.

Heather, thank you SO MUCH for telling me to "be sure to read the text accompanying the photos."

Wow, it's been a long time since I've been given instructions on how to use a website. Maybe it was 1995 or so. Thanks for enlightening me, Dooce!

I found them very moving -- beautiful in some cases and terribly sad in others.

I am glad that I experienced them via your site. Some of them brought me to tears and it balanced things out pretty nicely to click back here to read your twitter feed.

PS I wouldn't call a dog who poops in a moving vehicle smart either, but I would say that s/he is at least smarter than a dog who regularly walks into walls as one of my super-sized Aussies sometimes does.

Heather,

My grandfather-in-law is dying. A slow painful death. In town he has his daughter, her son, me, and our children. My first thought at the photos were - wow. they look better than grandpa. It's refreshing to me. Death is a part of life, and I'm sorry that reader was sickened. But for one living this experience, it made it feel real and worthy.

May blessings and fun times frequent all of our days,
Lane

Now I understand why you close comments.

i found the series of photos to be painfully beautiful.

So many of these comments echo my own reactions: The shots are beautifully photographed. The stories are moving, sad and inspiring. Obviously, the subjects agreed to have their images captured for this project, so I don't find the pictures offensive. Is it difficult to look at? Yes. But death is a difficult and virtually insurmountable topic for most of us. I respect this photographer's work and message. Thanks for sharing, Heather. Mimi, I hope you find a way to relax, open your mind and let go of that unnecessary anger you are carrying around.

sad, very sad. i cried quite a bit. to think that we all have places we'd like to be and that we may never get there.

Those were incredibly moving photographs. I found that the stories were equally moving. Like you, I found a particular quote to be so insightful during such a testing point in their life: “It is as though I am being rejected by life itself." Spoken by the woman who began life as an orphan, given up by her birth mother. That quote contains so much sorrow.

I appreciate art like this, with a beauty that draws you out of your cobwebby routine and forces you to value life just that much more.

DEAR MIMI,

FREEDOM OF SPEECH. PROTECTED BY THE FIRST AMENDMENT.

GET A LIFE.

LOVE,
LIZ

PS Heather - I loved the link. It was haunting and beautiful.

It's so weird, looking at the photos of all the people when they're alive, and realizing that they're not alive anymore.

No one close to me has died yet (knock on wood), so it's sometimes hard for me to comprehend death, even in my 20's.

Thank you for posting this.