For all the new people visiting because they saw that five-second clip on FOX 13
Every night we have a ritual where we eat a pot of edamame and watch the national news. Yesterday after I posted a portion of a grocery receipt I got a lot of concerned email wondering just how much edamame we go through on any given day. And the answer is a lot, probably more than is safe, and if I die from eating too much edamame I hope they point out in my obituary that at least it was a noble food, that at least I didn't die from some desperate sauerkraut binge. THAT WOULD BE SO EMBARRASSING. Right up there with CIRCULATION CUT OFF BY ILL-FITTING THONG.
On that particular trip to the grocery store, though, the edamame was on sale. So I bought the legal limit, as much as they would let me leave the store with. Was there room in our freezer for 15 bags of edamame? Did it matter? There was room in my belly for 15 bags of edamame.
Last night I was starting our edamame ritual by boiling a pot of water on the stove when Leta casually walked into the kitchen with her pants off to inform us that she had just gone to the bathroom all by herself. Normally she wants us to go with her so she has someone to talk to, so I was a bit suspicious, especially since I hadn't heard the toilet flush. Isn't that usually a giveaway? Either that or the way the pages rustle and echo off the bathroom tile as your husband flips through Vogue?
"You went to the bathroom all by yourself?" I asked her.
"Yep, I did," she answered.
"Did you flush the toilet?" I asked.
She hesitated having not considered that particular hole in her plot and answered, "Um... yes?"
So I walked around the corner to the bathroom, did a quick inspection of the premises and came to the conclusion that she was lying. Not the end of the world, but certainly behavior we don't want to encourage. So when I returned to the kitchen both Jon and I sat her down and explained a few things about lying, that it's a bad habit and causes wrinkles, and if she's going to try to get away with it in the future she should at least make sure the evidence backs her up, am I right? If the dog ate your homework make sure you have a dog, you know what I'm saying?
"We can joke about that here," said Jon, "but if you say that on your website people are going to take you seriously."
"You mean people are going to think that we're encouraging our daughter to lie?"
"Isn't that what it sounds like we're doing?"
"No, we're encouraging her to lie successfully."
"And when she does we'll be so proud."
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Patti said:
I did notice the amount of Edamame you brought home, but didn't think too much about it since I, too, love those little salty beans! Funny post by the way.
04.23.08 - 11:19 AM / 1Blaise said:
Good on ya. Nothing worse than a bad liar! :)
04.23.08 - 11:19 AM / 2pnutsugar said:
Edamame is so good and good for you...you can never have enough!
And make sure you tell Leta not to look to the left when she lies...I hear that's a sure giveaway!
And they have the blocks at www.bambinomountain.com. Just got some for my granddaughter.
04.23.08 - 11:20 AM / 3Jeff said:
It's going to come in handy that Christmas where she calls out, "Mommy! Grandma gave me the new Ariel doll that Santa gave me. I don't want another one!"
04.23.08 - 11:21 AM / 4Shala said:
Who would want to raise a bad liar? I'm proud of you and Jon.
04.23.08 - 11:21 AM / 5Ely said:
My sister used to tell me that it's only lying if you get caught.
But I kind of like the successfully part better--it makes it seem like something sophisticated!
04.23.08 - 11:21 AM / 6KMac said:
Hi Heather and family - I love all the publicity you are getting. Long overdue and well deserved, you work your hiney off! I thought the blonde chick on the show made a couple jabs at you and I wanted to reach in the screen and pull her goldie locks hair! She made a comment about how she had said things about her family she wished she could take back "but, hey, I LEFT them up...so...THERE!" She did it another time, too that I can't remember. I was just curious if you caught that vibe at all.
Keep up the great work...and I LOVE EDAMAME TOO!!!
Kristen
04.23.08 - 11:21 AM / 7Kim said:
I too was shocked by how edamame heavy your grocery bill was. I was wondering if you were running a Japanese bar on the side, ha ha.
04.23.08 - 11:22 AM / 8nitebyrd said:
I have no idea what edamame is. It doesn't sound lethal or illegal, so have at it.
You sound like fairly normal parents who want to raise a fairly normal child. Tell the naysayers to kiss off.
04.23.08 - 11:23 AM / 9Annie in Scotland said:
You just have to write a parenting book! It will be full skills I needed 30 years ago. It fun now watching my kids tell their kids to go back and flush!!
04.23.08 - 11:24 AM / 10Laus said:
My parents taught me to lie successfully. It didn't work, but it was a nice thought.
04.23.08 - 11:25 AM / 11Anonymous said:
The first time I lied I was not sucessful; I told my mom Mr. Oser had given me the pretty purple marker and all was fine until Maria told Mr. Oser that I had taken his purple marker, then my mom was called and I was in trouble. STUPID MARIA!
Let's face it, the kid will have to lie one day, might as well do it right.
I like edamame and I was surprised because they remind me of string beans and I loath string beans.
Funny post. :)
04.23.08 - 11:26 AM / 12CortneyRae said:
The key is successful lying... nothing makes me madder than when my step-son lies about brushing his teeth and doesn't even make the effort to wet the toothbrush. Seriously! Try harder!
04.23.08 - 11:28 AM / 13Ben said:
Do you taunt concerned parents for sport? 'Cause if you do, that would make the whole experience even better for me.
04.23.08 - 11:28 AM / 14J. said:
Definitely a talent that will come in handy when Leta is called to testify before Congress. My husband always says, "Don't lie about anything that can be verified." Other than that, I agree with Ely's sister, it's only lying if you get caught!
04.23.08 - 11:29 AM / 15Tim said:
Admit it people. How many of us had to Google Edamame before finishing the story? I'm number one.
04.23.08 - 11:31 AM / 16shuping said:
u can't stop once you get started on edamame. i know why u need 15 bags. i need more than 20.
leta started her lying career with going to the toilet. that's cute. :)
04.23.08 - 11:31 AM / 17Renee said:
In response to KMac...I caught the same vibe that she was knocking Heather when she said that. I was more than slightly annoyed.
04.23.08 - 11:31 AM / 18Ashley said:
ah the mean people on the internets and their inability to detect humor. it's my favorite.
:)
04.23.08 - 11:32 AM / 19BettyCrockerAss said:
So wait, did she go pee somewhere else maybe besides the toilet?
Maybe she's learning from Coco?
The blocks are in stock here http://www.prestostore.com/
04.23.08 - 11:32 AM / 20Mercutia said:
I need lessons in lying successfully. Please send Leta over if she gets it down pat. Meantime, continue to be hilarious; you're one of the main reasons the internet exists, if you ask me.
04.23.08 - 11:32 AM / 21Seren said:
I had never heard of edamame and thought it might be some cheese-related thing. So I googled it. Oh my, it's soya?! I tried to eat soya beans once. Once was more than enough. I think I'd prefer the cheese. Lying is an art and needs to be learned properly, from a good teacher at a young age. I think she'll be fine!
04.23.08 - 11:32 AM / 22Melly said:
But I want to know why she lied about going to the bathroom. What had she really been doing?
04.23.08 - 11:33 AM / 23maggie ann. said:
what is truth really? just a perceived reality... it is a talent to convince others of a different reality ;)
this post was nice and clever. i chuckled the whole way through.
happy sunny days.
04.23.08 - 11:33 AM / 24Carrie said:
Love edamame. The first time I introduced it to a friend at a Japanese restaurant, she popped the whole thing (pod and all) in her mouth. The guy sitting next to us couldn't stop laughing. She was all "What?"
04.23.08 - 11:33 AM / 25Clairy said:
My favorite thing about children is when they lie for no reason. It seemed kind of out of nowhere but maybe why Leta chose to fib about going to the bathroom isn't immediately apparent to me...??
04.23.08 - 11:34 AM / 26Olivia said:
This will come in handy when it's time for her to start faking orgasms. ;)
04.23.08 - 11:34 AM / 27dwiddin said:
I was busy eating Marshmallows and had to look up what the heck edamame is. Shame on you for feeding your child such crap as that! Tell Leta not to blink and to flush the toliet when she says she went. For good measure she will need to wash her hands also so they smell like soap, that is what my son does anyway. Clothes are so over rated.
04.23.08 - 11:35 AM / 28Ashley S. said:
What the heck is edemame?
04.23.08 - 11:35 AM / 29Becca said:
You should add some guilt in next time. Nothing makes a lier feel worse than added guilt.
04.23.08 - 11:35 AM / 30