For all the new people visiting because they saw that five-second clip on FOX 13
Every night we have a ritual where we eat a pot of edamame and watch the national news. Yesterday after I posted a portion of a grocery receipt I got a lot of concerned email wondering just how much edamame we go through on any given day. And the answer is a lot, probably more than is safe, and if I die from eating too much edamame I hope they point out in my obituary that at least it was a noble food, that at least I didn't die from some desperate sauerkraut binge. THAT WOULD BE SO EMBARRASSING. Right up there with CIRCULATION CUT OFF BY ILL-FITTING THONG.
On that particular trip to the grocery store, though, the edamame was on sale. So I bought the legal limit, as much as they would let me leave the store with. Was there room in our freezer for 15 bags of edamame? Did it matter? There was room in my belly for 15 bags of edamame.
Last night I was starting our edamame ritual by boiling a pot of water on the stove when Leta casually walked into the kitchen with her pants off to inform us that she had just gone to the bathroom all by herself. Normally she wants us to go with her so she has someone to talk to, so I was a bit suspicious, especially since I hadn't heard the toilet flush. Isn't that usually a giveaway? Either that or the way the pages rustle and echo off the bathroom tile as your husband flips through Vogue?
"You went to the bathroom all by yourself?" I asked her.
"Yep, I did," she answered.
"Did you flush the toilet?" I asked.
She hesitated having not considered that particular hole in her plot and answered, "Um... yes?"
So I walked around the corner to the bathroom, did a quick inspection of the premises and came to the conclusion that she was lying. Not the end of the world, but certainly behavior we don't want to encourage. So when I returned to the kitchen both Jon and I sat her down and explained a few things about lying, that it's a bad habit and causes wrinkles, and if she's going to try to get away with it in the future she should at least make sure the evidence backs her up, am I right? If the dog ate your homework make sure you have a dog, you know what I'm saying?
"We can joke about that here," said Jon, "but if you say that on your website people are going to take you seriously."
"You mean people are going to think that we're encouraging our daughter to lie?"
"Isn't that what it sounds like we're doing?"
"No, we're encouraging her to lie successfully."
"And when she does we'll be so proud."
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- Bedtime, Leta lingering defiantly in the hallway. Jon: "If you want fart stories, you better get in bed RIGHT NOW."
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
301. Valerie said:
OMG, I'm having a flashback. The first lie I told was at the age of four about having done a dump when I in fact hadn't. I remember Mum talking to me very seriously about lying. I don't really remember why I said it in the first place. But I do remember thinking she was being wayyy too serious about the whole thing. I think I was just experimenting."The truth" and "lying" were pretty vague back then, when so much of my life was about imagination.
302. eric said:
Wholefoods 365 brand frozen edamame is excellent and quite inexpensive; steam them and sprinkle the pods with Janes Mixed-up Crazy Salt. Yum
303. loveMaegan said:
now by "thong" are you referring to a shoe or an undergarment? Either way, funny.
304. Betsy said:
I had noticed there hadn't been any poop posts in quite awhile. Seems like the edamame has been doing its job.
305. Ms. Single Mama said:
Cute story. Thanks for sharing...hadn't even thought about how I'll teach my son not to lie or how to lie properly. Not sure if I'd want to tell him how to fool me though, because I am SO gullible. Might go with the guilt complex.
Or - baby - you can lie to mean people like your bosses or your mean co-workers, but never to your mommy, your friends or anyone else you love.
306. Mothering Two said:
Giiiirrrrl, you and your husband are just too funny. And I can not believe how many good folks didn't know about the beauty of edamame! I hope everyone goes out to buy a bag today... and don't forget to coat it with a lot of salt!
307. ChickaRose said:
My 3yo son will yell to me from the other room, "Don't come in the livingroom Mom cuz I'm not doing anything OK!"
Which of course means that he has the cushions off the couch, in a pile on the floor & is throwing his little brother in them.
I wonder when he is going to figure out, he's ratting himself out.
308. Craig said:
I LOVE Edamame. Where did you get it? I've been looking for some good stuff ever since I moved to SLC.
309. Kate said:
I thought "edamame" was a typo and you mean Dame Edna.
ha ha ha ha!
Bad part is I'm not lying - I'm just that clueless.
And now I will google it.
By the way, there might be such a thing as "too much Dame Edna" Not that I know by experience tho.
310. Dangerous K said:
I spent the last 2 months quietly crying over the demise of Miss Doxie's blog. I can't believe this is the first time I've come across yours! Yay! Happiness and edamame all around!
311. Kristen said:
Edamame... so good, so normal, such a frozen food that should be stocked up on when there's a sale. My last grocery run involved 6 cases of panty liners because they were $1/box. I guess my rules state that there's no walking away from that sort of a sale. So, moral of the story: I'm with ya.
312. Anonymous said:
Sezwho needs to Google "what progesterone does" and be reminded that it's the "keep you preggo" hormone.
313. Becca said:
WHAT in the heck is endamme??? I'm clueless....
As for lying... it's a really, really bad habbit. I have a 17 year old step-daughter who is a habbitual, compulsive liar. You can't trust a single thing that comes out of her mouth. Her lies (as stupid as if she ate maccaroni or not and as complex as if she snuck a boy into her room to screw him!)have dammaged every single aspect of her life. If there is a lying demon, it needs to be cast out, QUICKLY! I'm totally serious.
314. lionemom said:
I have a friend whose son, who is in 2nd grade, lied to her for weeks (WEEKS!) about what day his gym class was on. He said it was on Fridays, when it was really on Mondays. No apparent reason for the lie - to cover up something he did, to prevent her from finding something out, to avoid doing something - nothing like that at all. Every Friday she would make sure he had his sneakers and shorts with him. Then, when she went in for teacher conferences, she discovered that gym was Wednesdays. She came home and freaked out to her husband (half-kidding) that their son must be a psychopath because he was lying just to lie!
I could never lie like that when I was his age. I was terrified of being caught! I still am! I stink at lying.
315. Lisa said:
As long as we're dissecting Heather's grocery receipt, let's at least strive for accuracy...the Yoplait was on sale 10 for $5.50, not 10 for $5.00, so $0.55 was an appropriate price for a single unit. And what is it with kids and lying about bathroom activities? I cannot tell you how many times I have caught my boys (6 and 8) in lies about hand washing, toilet activity, bathing, etc. I myself can recall despising the bath so much that I would shut the bathroom door, fill the tub, and sit on the floor beside the tub swishing my hand around in the water to make "bathing" sounds for 10 minutes. Like my mother never noticed how my hair still smelled like playground dirt. Yes, kids are very poor liars. Unfortunately, this is a skill that they hone over time.
316. Banker said:
A little girl who tells a small lie about flushing a toilet should be our biggest problem
Banker
317. Angela said:
my dad always said, "it's not illegal until you get caught!" and he is nothing but an upstanding, southern gentleman. too bad he didn't teach me how NOT to get caught. it would have come in handy in my high school years!
318. doocefan said:
everytime edamame is on sale there's never any left!! It's folks like you that are taking up all my edamame. =p
319. stella said:
Okay so my question is...where did she go to the bathroom?? On the floor in her room? in the hallway?
Details please.
320. Layni said:
Big edamame lovin family here as well [we zap it in the microwave, toss it with a drizzle of olive oil and sprinkle with sea salt]. Anyway, just be sure you're getting ORGANIC edamame because a large percentage of soy is genetically modified AND it also has one of the highest percentages of contamination by pesticides of any of the foods we eat. I'm just sayin. Also, [and who knows how much is too much] a Dr. recently told a friend, because her 7 year old started her period [ack!], that if they ate a lot of soy products, soy [Edamame] contains something that can act like estrogen, and that it can significantly accelerate the onset of puberty. Just some thoughts. Um, yea edamame? [cough]
321. sarah said:
at least you are honest about lying haha
322. The B said:
Someone asked where is the monthly newsletter - that's what I was curious to know. Is it just because of being busy, was it a deliberate decision, have you thought about when you're going stop, if you haven't yet?
p.s. not sure if I've commented before but I do much enjoy in general, so thank you!
323. Jackie said:
Lying successfully is an important skill. Especially if she plans a career in government.
324. DIYdiva said:
Having been born and raised in an extra-large Italian family, I consider the ability to teach successful lying a necessary parneting skill. Along with the ability to teach successful criminal activity. When I was six, for example, my father sped away from a pursuing police car, turned down a side-road, parked the car in a driveway, shut the lights off, and told me to duck down in the back seat. I happened to find an old license plate on the floor, and he knew he was doing right by me when the first thing I said was "Hey, dad, should you change our license plate with this one so the cops don't recognize us?!"
Hey, you gotta know the important things in life.
325. Anonymous said:
''Admit it people. How many of us had to Google Edamame before finishing the story? I'm number one.''
Ditto, never heared of edamame before, after googling its pictures i dont think i'd want it.
326. ConMom said:
Shell edemame? Just buy them shelled and frozen. Then you can be even lazier and microwave them in water. My son calls them Mommy Beans. Daughter calls them YUCK. Win some lose some.
My son tried lying at 4 too, he was really bad at it so seems to have gotten over it. 2 year old has been lying since birth I think, and really seems to relish it. She also does not wear pants. I'm sensing a trend.
Love your blog. Keep it up.
Pantless in Pennsylvania
327. Heyjoe said:
What the f*ck is edamame? Is it anything like a corn dong? Sorry, DOG?
328. Kim said:
I love your "terrified" photo. Can't wait to see the clip. You are incredibly famous now, Heather!
329. Renae said:
That's awesome. My dad always told me not to lie about stupid stuff. He also said 'when you do something you're going to get in trouble for make sure it's well worth it.' These philosophies have served me well so far, sure I've gotten myself in to trouble a few times, but it's always been worth it.
Don't think of it as teaching her to lie, think of it as developing her critical thinking skills, much better a kid who thinks for her self than one who just follows the rules.
330. Ivy said:
All the press is so exciting and well-deserved!
Every single day I wonder why people read blogs they don't like and then deem it necessary to blast the writer. It's like knowing that salt in a wound hurts, but they pour it in there anyway and then bitch to everyone around them that it hurts! Buffonic!
Keep on keepin' on!
331. Michelle said:
Just because of this entry, I drove around for 2 hours today trying to find some edamame. Had to go 30 miles away to get even the frozen stuff.
Jeeeeez, Dooce. Do you go out and yawn in public places on weekends just to see how many people you get to yawn back without thinking?
332. Anonymous said:
lame
333. Linzy said:
Edamame is delicious. Here's my little story about it:
My two cats always stare at me when I'm eating ANYTHING, and they always beg for food. So one day i was eating edamame and decided to call their bluff, thinking that cats don't eat vegetables and that they wouldn't even try them. So, I split a bean down the middle and tossed one to each cat. After much sniffing, they ate them and wanted more!! So now both me and my cats are hooked. They'll even eat the shells if I'm not looking.
Love the website, my sister told me about it 2 years ago, and when I started reading it, I went back to the beginning and read all the archives. It took me over a month to catch up to the present! Loved every minute. Thanks!
334. Marissa said:
oh my gosh you had me dying with the edamame stuff
335. Marissa said:
oh my gosh you had me dying with the edamame stuff
336. jillian said:
On a side note, will there ever be Coco and Chuck action figures? Where Coco's jaw comes unhinged and you can attach her to things?
As a recovering vegan who probably already consumed enough soy to sufficiently screw up her hormone levels permanently (I'm glad someone else brought that up), I've always wondered if people would really be so hot for edamame if they were simply referred to as the soybeans they are. Who says they love soybeans?! I think it's the salt.