Those Canadians are so sensitive...

Hey, no worries. Haven't you heard? Burping is the new ice-breaker.

Love your posts.

Lord have mercy Heather. If you do get a chance to burp in front of Dubya at LEAST make sure Jon is there to catch it on video. I want to see the look on his face when a woman 6 inches taller than he, and who has at least 50 IQ points on him, lets one rumble out.

I know a guy who can fart in all caps, and probably also in German. If the Ed Sullivan show were still on teh toob, he'd be one of the middle acts, between Elvis and Señor Wences. The plate spinning would just be a bonus.

Seriously? Offended by a-boot? What about their PROcess?

I'm from Northern MN and we talk a little like that and I think it's cute.

I want to moon, wait no, raspberry the pres, not nearly as much fun as a burp, but I can't do that on cue.

I can burp the entire Canadian anthem. In CAPS.

RHS: farting on demand? That is blowing my mind. How??

Aw! I never thought you were being mean!

I have a seriously deep love of Canadians, the accent is so cool, AND they use the metric system.

Oh Canada! Come to Ontario sometime, will ya? I would love to hear you burp the alphabet. Also? We can admire each other's accents.

I live in Texas and I was personally thrilled when you visited Texas and posted about all the cute things we do and say. Does Tessa realize her email set Canada way ahead on the jerk-o-meter? Way further than any of your posts IMHO.

I just want to wrestle Mick Foley before I die. That's all.

And when it's my time, I'd like to go by drowning in a Starbuck's cappuccino and then be buried face down so everyone can KISS MY ASS.

You are my hero.

14 seconds to burp the entire alphabet? Bossy knew she was dealing with Greatness, but she had no idea.

Ahh, you don't post your burps on your web site for all to hear. Yours are still in the presidential ambition stage. No ambition, for all of us to hear you. Thank you ...

Must've missed you dissin' on Canadians, eh?

I wonder what Tessa thinks when someone tells her that her hair looks lovely?

It's people like this that got that stupid Rachel Ray/dunkin donuts ad pulled because her scarf looked too much like a keffiyah.

Tessa can suck on it. I'm a CDN and can't remember reading one thing you've written that I would take offence to. Carry on...

I saw a commercial for constipation this morning and you were the first person I thought of. I think I read too much dooce. Also, who cares what the Canadians think?

I was so excited to learn that you were coming to Vancouver and that you even mentioned the city I live in on your site. I didn't even noticve the whole "aboot" thing until Tessa mentioned it. I think deep down inside Canada and the U.S. just want to be loved. They should hug and make up.
Thanks for the hilarious posts each day. Spinning in my swivel chair at work gets kinda old after awhile.

To honour us canadians, when you DO burp the alphabet in front on the president, make sure to pronounce the last letter correctly. It's ZED, Eh?

Eh? What insensitive comments? Great, now you’re all going to think we are sensitive humourless, Matt’s Clamato guzzling pansies, when in reality we can go out and a-boot and burp up a storm with you!

I think the hick-Canadian stereotype is about as accurate as the arrogant-American stereotype. It's the rich, snobby people on Laguna Beach and other similar shows that give Americans the bad rap. Very few Americans are like that here in what I like to call the "real world."

Besides, I grew up in Po-dunk, Tennessee. From what I've seen, I'd be willing to say that the America has a MUCH higher percentage rate of hicks than Canada.

Wow. I would totally pay actual cash money to see that.

All I want to do before I die is lick the side of Christian Bale's face to see if he really is as yummy as he looks (and talks...that Welsh accent drives me insane).

Oh, hold on.
You realize that you were in HEAVEN! while in Canada. Sure they say, things funny. That is all forgive because they have CAPERS!!! That is HEAVEN! The best pie I have ever had in my life came from there. I will never eat pie again unless it comes from Capers.

Woo hoo that was a hoot! Most of the Canadians I know have stellar senses of humor. Apparently Tessa goes against the grain.

She probably wouldn't find the humor in this then ---

http://www.bustedtees.com/canadaamericashat#male?utm_medium=CPC&utm_sour...

God Bless the USA! ;)

And the raccoon pics? Was there a wedgewood tea service involved or was it something more eco-friendly? Perhaps Sigg teacups. These are Vancouver-based raccoons, afterall.

Hi Heather! I have been reading for a few years now and I have been very excited to see the pictures and notes on Vancouver. I just moved here 2 months ago and am living 3 blocks from Stanley Park. I'm so in love with this place and am glad you had a great time! Come back soon! I didn't come by your meet & greet as Granville Island scares me in it's uber yuppy-ness but thanks for thinking of us Vancouverites!

I think burping and farting is funny.

This is what I remember reading about your post re: Canada:

"It remains one of the coolest places I've ever been."

And I was all yeah, yeah--me too! LOVE Canada!

Um, what blog is Tessa reading?

As a Canadian I almost took offense until I read you were on the west coast of Canada (they tend to be a little strange over there). Come to Ontario and enjoy a real party!

See! We have narrow-minded people up here, too!

I did think it was nice of her to take the "u" out of neighbour given she was writing to an American who might have totally not known what that word was.

If you like Vancouver, you'd love Halifax.

I'm so, so confused. You went to Vancouver. You had a good time. You talked about whether or not a person should write about oral sex on their blog.

Oh wait. It's the blow jobs that are offensive to Canadians... Never mind, I get it now.

It really must be a drag to be you, and every time you say ANYTHING someone is offended. Really. I think your writing is great, and I'm not offended in the least. Please keep on keeping on, and don't let the haters get you down.

PS I'm really not a hippie, I have no idea why this comment came out so hippie sounding.

PPS I do not hate hippies or think that hippies are ignorant.

My wife is on my ass constantly regarding my farting, burping, and cussing. Does Jon Know just how damn lucky he is?

I bet she's kicking herself for sending that email now :) Seriously, what makes someone decide to actually write a message like that? I can't even imagine how many of them you must receive on a daily basis.

By the way, thanks for the idea to print out emails and run them over as mentioned with one of today's photos. I just might try that next time someone makes me mad at work!

OH CAN-A-DA, we emphasize the DUH!

I'm an American living in Canada, and the whole "about" thing amuses me endlessly. It's not exactly "aboot" and not exactly "uh-bowt" as Kim said above at 66. It's something like "abeouwt" - Canadians tend to put a lot more effort into their vowels, like saying "spyeoon" when saying spoon. See: Degrassi: The Next Generation commercials. Someone says, "Eeeoowps, my spyeoon slipped."

Elena said:

RHS: farting on demand? That is blowing my mind. How??

It's quite simple, Elena -- my friend carries within his body more gas than was ever stowed aboard the Hindenberg. Also, I'd venture to guess, even more flammable. He is a freak of nature, and the stank could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon from forty paces. We're pressing the Pope to canonize his wife for her patience, and she's not even Catholic.

I can't believe that person ACTUALLY hit the send button on that ridiculous email! How embarrassing for her.............Maybe she just wanted to be on your blog ;) Oh, btw, I had JUST ordered several SIGG bottles earlier this morning and then you ended up having one on your daily style section......How weird is that!

wow, tessa. how do we americans call reactions like this?... oh, BUTT-HURT?

i'd love to burp in front of the president.

Did I miss something?

And good lord, she should try being from the South. I mean seriously? She's never been painted with a broad brush of presumed redneck-ness. Just because we talk like hicks doesn't necessarily mean we ARE hicks.

Sheesh, those Canadians sure are sawn-si-tive!

As a proud Canadian...and Dooce reader...I can tell you in complete honesty that I do indeed say "aboot".

I think Tessa should stop misrepresenting Canadians as being insecure and with no sense of humour! I hope you had time to go to Granville Island market - can't wait to see photos!

Wow, sometimes I wonder if people like Tessa should be allowed to use the Internet (for their own good of course), if things offend them so easily that they feel they need to email the offender about it. I reckon Tessa also likes leaving passive aggressive notes for her co-workers, neighbours and fellow good Canadians

I think Tessa is actually a 12 year old boy who doesn't read your blog... "Your Misrepresentation of Canadians Should Be Embarrassing" Should? What does that mean? That It Is? That is Could Be? That It Was A Weak Attempt? I'm confused. And cute. And Canadian!
*burb*

A-hem. I'd just like to say that your emailer's sense of humour is not representative of most Canadians. Maybe Timmie's burned her morning coffee, because that's the only reason I can think of that she felt compelled to say that. Or spring didn't hit her town yet and after the winter we've had, that would definitely eliminate your ability to find anything funny. I'm from Toronto and only started laughing again a few weekes ago. Cautiously. I'm still half expecting a snow storm.

Glad you like our country. Hope you come to my neck o' the woods some day.

It's all aboot respect - we would never, ever make fun of Americans! It's not like all Canadian television (all 3 shows) are dedicated to either criticizing or satirizing the whole lot of you... oh no, wait a minute - they totally are.

Yes, Canadians can be a teensy tiny bit sensitive, to the point where we (hypocritically) complain about someone who was complementing us, because they didn't do it in a fully reverent manner.

Fear not Heather, it's time for Canada's daily dose of the Chill Pill.

Thanks for continuing to be such a delight - please continue to say whatever you like about Canada. We love the attention, really.

Jasmine in Vancouver

If you asked me if you could eat my baby I would know EXACTLY what you meant. ;) Sometimes I chew on her a little myself...

Tessa happens to be a Canadian but she certainly doesn't represent ALL Canadians. Just like George Bush is an American, but I certainly hope he doesn't represent all Americans in how you all think and talk. So, no, not all Canadians (if any) were offended by your blog.

BTW, I am from Vancouver, and never have I heard anyone pronounce "about" as "aboot". Try Nova Scotia.

Oh, okay, I got it - Tessa is the new crazy.

That makes more sense. But it still ain't funny.

My favorite Canadianism: Shit Hawks.

Hope you got a chance to see some Trailer Park Boys while up north.

Hi Heather,
I just had to post in response to the "whole Canadian uproar."
In every family, there are the losers who embarrass the rest. Most Canadians do pride themselves on being polite (except here in Toronto where they have forgotten even basic ettiquette like saying "Thank You" if you hold a door open.)

I have to say though, you can't say you love THE Canadian accent. Just like in the States, there are so many different accents to love. If you really want an accent to baffle, amaze and amuse, you have to hear a true Newfie accent with slang, e.g.
"Lor' tundering Jeezus, bye!"

I don't think you said anything offensive about Canadians but isn't it funny how when someone tells you not to do something, it increases the compulsion to do it.

Huh??? I must've missed something....

Tessa, can you please post a comment here citing the offending verbiage Heather supposedly posted? Because there are a lot of us *arrogant* Americans (and apparently a number of Canadians as well) who are puzzled about your outrage.

"Hics?"

I don't know why that spelling error made me laugh so hard.

14 seconds. 26 letters. I would think you could cover two letters a second, no? Just buying yourself a little cushion to ensure you clear the bar? That's probably wise.

See Heather, thats why we love you in Canada!! I too would love to burp in from of the president. Only we'd eat onions first!
Great post!
(I'm guessing Tessa's an import. Not a REAL Canadian!)

Someone wayyy upthread mentioned Mick Foley, and that triggered a memory of a dream I had just last night. I was in line (somewhere), waiting to use the bathroom, and some women behind me were being overly rude, for no reason, so I turned around and said "Ladies, seriously, do I have to get my parents on you?" My parents: Dooce and Mick Foley. No lie.

P.S. There's no way you could be my mom, as we're just a few years apart, but the thought is kind of awesome.

Was it b/c you said they need a Target? That's the only criticism I remember reading.

A-boot?? Seriously?? If you heard that in Vancouver, then that person wasn't FROM Vancouver. The farther east you go, the stronger the "Canadian" accent. My Ontario cousins do the twangy vowel thing...My name is Sandra but they say Seyannndra. BCer's have the blandest "un"-accent possible.

With the HUGE ethnic diversity of the West Coast, I'm surprised you were able to pick up a "Canadian" accent.

And I'm with you on the Target thing. Bring it on!

You know what I think did it re: Tessa?

The comments concerning Tivo and Target on the Daily Photo three days ago.

Though in no way did I get what she got out of them, I can see a very overly sensitive person getting all sand+vagina-y about them. Sigh.

Tessa, don't be rude. That's not what we as Canadians are known for. :o)

Dooce, I hope you and Jon will come to Toronto next time! :o)

Heather, YOU should be raising my 5 year old son, not me. I think I was born to raise girls. Last night he very earnestly asked me how to make a fart noise by putting one's hand in one's armpit, and I really couldn't tell him. THIS IS SOMETHING I'M SURE YOU KNOW!

Haven't read all the comments, but I have to say "What? What post did Tessa read?" YOu get some of the most interesting responses!!

One thing I'd like to say, as a Canadian who has worked with people from all over the world, is that the "Canadian" accent is not the same from one area to the next, much as the "American" accent differs greatly with geography. When I hear a Canadian say "aboout" or some variation thereof, I automatically hear Ontario in their speech. Most of the Americans I've worked with over the years guessed Arizona or Colorado for where I was from (Saskatchewan and now Calgary in matter of fact)...

Anyway, love your writing and LOVE the crazy exclamation point filled emails!

I am de-lurking for the first time! Likely my comments will echo much of what has already been said and will continue to be said.

As a Canadian, I feel like Tess has missed the boat on this one. Aside from saying ‘aboot’ (although I swear I have NEVER heard one of us say it, eh), the fact that we have an almost fetish like relationship with Maple Syrup, we like to smother perfectly good French fries with gravy & cheese curds and that we often say Sorry when we really mean F**k You….Canadians are often best known for our sense of humour and laughing at ourselves!

You have never said anything negative about Canada (in my humble opinion) and if someone read it that way, they should understand your writing style well enough to know you would never try and offend anyone. YEESH…if we really thought you were against us, we would sick the seals on ya!

I have been reading for about three years now Heather,and as a Canadian reader, I have to say I am DYING to hear you talk about your trip. I really hope you loved it and had a wonderful time!

I think this is the perfect time for you to practice speaking Canadian. Simply say to Tess …..Sorry ;)

I think your new BFF may have been referring to where you said, "They grow 'em civilized up there" (in re: the raccoons). She probably just misunderstood your mild self-deprecation. Or it may be Canadian self-loathing that caused her to think you were making fun of her.

My dog burps - if I could train her to burp the alphabet in unison with you THAT would be impressive.

Gimme a break you crazy Canook(is that politically correct)? She is just jealous that their government is now requiring them to get passports to visit our lovely USofA. I would think they would be flattered that the're being watched over more closely than just by the Royal Mounted Police force.
Imagine a Royal Mounted Police Force farting rendition of "Oh Canada"?
THAT spells freedom on either side of the border...EH!?

If you did burp in front of Dubya, could you upchuck on him at the end? Please?

And when you finally do burp in front of the president you should do it with a Canadian accent.

I just moved back to Utah after living 20 miles away from the Canadian border. The Canadians often cross it to visit our Wal Mart and fill thier large trucks up for 2 weeks of supplies. I got accustomed to seeing more Canadian license plates than American. I also enjoyed listening to them say Aye at the end of most sentences. So one day we got brave and crossed the border and my husband thought he would try to blend in, and in doing so he used Aye one to many times and the lady asked "you're not from around here are you" which I thought was interesting because if she looked at our car she would see our Washington license plate. Got to love them Canadians.

When my boyfriend started burping in front of me is when I knew it was true love. I'm not sure how I feel about him so I still cover my mouth.

Oh Heather....Abooot that cranky woman from Canada... What is she talking abooot...Aaaaaye? Accents are wonderful to notice and make fun of. I was born in the Chicago area, and I know I have one. My ex-husband is from England. Tons to make fun of with the way he speaks!
Burping, that is a second language in my family. We are all able to burp and speak. My oldest brother is unstoppable. No matter where we are or what the occasion is, he is guaranteed to burp many times and loudly and then says, "excuse me pigs, I'm a lady."
I'm sure he would love to visit the president with you and have a chance to burp in his face as well.

I enjoy the "heck" out of you Heather, and I will never understand why people take the time to complain. If they don't like what you write, why do they read it?

I really must have missed some posts because I have only ever heard you praise Canada. I remember when you went so far as to commend them for their subtle use of puncuation marks. That has stuck in my head so I hesitate when the urge for multiple puncuation marks strikes me as fancy.

In my dictionary, stellar is a complimentary word.
Maybe Tessa needs to get a new dictionary - or new glasses - or... just a whole new outlook. You decide.

I don't want to just burp for the president. I want to fart. Yeah.. talk about satisfaction guaranteed.

Burping in front of the president is an EXCELLENT life goal. You are a constant inspiration...

If I ever get to meet the president, I will burp and tell him its from you. I know it isn't the same. Just make sure you eat onions so the burp is truly memorable.

At what point did you say anything rude about Canada? Or is instructing them to get a Target so that you could move there considered rude? Something about the displaced French and comments about eating babies...

Just wanted to let you know that they have Sigg bottles at our Target, so they'll probably have them at yours!! I live in Buffalo, NY and we're always the last to get stuff! Burp it up! :)

Heather, what the HELL are you talking about?

I live 60 miles from the Canadian border and at my previous home had many Canadian "part-time" neighbors - we all teased each other - so much fun.

Vancouver is a stunning city - wonderful that you enjoyed it and I'm enjoying your posts and Jon's photos - well, yours also - the swan photo is beautiful.

You go girl - burp for George W. - I am a Republican and a GWBush fan and I STILL think he would love it!

AND, I love Dooce and Blurbomat - regardless of politics. Thanks for opening comments today!

Is it just me or does Coco sometimes look a teensy bit like Jon? I think it's in the eyes and the hair that borders on the edge of intentionally left this way and don't care. Maybe Chuck is your prototype??? I'm not convinced on that one, though... :)

I'm sure he would give you a medal. It's a well known fact that the President's favorite literary character is Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds, and that his favorite scene is the belching contest.

You are sheer genius. I swear it. I wish I could take your ideas and swallow them whole and spit them out as my own but I'm just not that kind of person. But burping the alphabet for the President is FANTASTIC! Best idea I've heard in years! I wish I could fart a few words in his general direction, but unfortunately my ass can't spell or pronunciate any better than our very own President can, so I'm afraid that the attempt would all be in vein.

Thanks for the laugh.

Your post is the closest I've ever seen on Dooce to political commentary. Glad to hear you have "differences" with Dubya. Don't we all? I bet he'd be interested in your burping skills. Things like global warming, lying to the country, torture, tax breaks for the rich, gas prices, food prices--aren't as much fun.

I am so glad you said that Carol had a midwestern accent. Certainly nicer than saying she has a midwestern twang -- which is what my "accent" is referred to out east here.

Yep I'm Canadian, yep I say eh & aboot, yep I'm demanding (but I think that's just a me thing, not a Canadian thing), yep I too can burp my national anthem (but I cover my mouth when I do it), nope...Bob and Doug Mackenzie are not my heros, yep I'm pretty laid back, yep I spell colour and humour and neighbour with a U, yep I like beer (especially Molson Canadian eh), yep I stop at Tim Hortons every morning (but never ask for a free timbit), yep I think Tessa is a 'hoser' and needs to relax and stop mis-representing the rest of the Canadian population. Get a sence of humour already girl!

Dooce...I adore your blog. I may not comment often, but I do read it often. I think you are witty, candid, open and insult-free. I recommend you to everyone I know, I will continue to do so. Are you ever going to visit us in Toronto?

I am very confused as to WHY this lady thinks you've put down Canada.?? the big Weirdo.

P.S. - If you do ever get your chance with George W., don't be disappointed when his reaction is less than shocked. He is in fact a good ole boy from Texas and will probably raise an eyebrow, call you "little lady," and then fart really loud..

Get off Tessa's back. She needs meds. Speaking of needing meds I think I would go postal if I had to live in Minnesota. I am a adult living w/ADD and they talk waaaaaaaaaaaay to slow.

A-boot...that slays me. Reminds me of a friend of mine from Minnesota. Bless her heart, she got really tired of being asked to say things and then hearing "Oh my god, that's so cute".

Being from Louisiana, I got my fair share of it too though.

PS If you do ever get to meet W and burp the alphabet, I will give you $50 if you also give him a wet willy.

This post perfectly illustrates why I LOVE YOU!

This is not [by far] the first time I've heard a Canadian express that Americans think they are superior. But honestly?, I don't know a single American who doesn't absolutely adore Canadians.

Canada: Maybe you could work on your self esteem a little. We really do love you. I doubt there are nicer humans on all of planet earth.

That's funny because I thought you called them sophisticated, with the raccoons having tea parties and such. It made me thoughtful... and even made me think that perhaps I should stop referring to Canada as America's Hat. And while I'm at it, I'll stop calling Mexico America's Pants.

Jokes, people. Jokes!

Tessa, get over yourself. After living with a Canadian, I know firsthand the cuteness of her accent. And after living my entire friggin' life as a woman in Arkansas, I think I can corner the market on all things seemingly rude and insensitive that have been said about us. No, I haven't slept with Clinton. No, I'm not barefoot, pregnant or stuck in the kitchen. And no, I don't sleep with my kinfolk.

So why don't you get off your high horse about the word 'aboot' and go read the rest of Heather's comments? She's done nothing but praise Vancouver and Canada since she's been home. Sheesh.

Totally with MP here. I read that about the Bacardi/Coke and I'm all like "Whu-huh!?" Nobody here in MPLS has an accent that I've ever heard. We sound just like those folks on the tellyvision!

That woman is bi-polar and obviously can't read... because where in the frig would she come up with that crap?! I didn't see a single word about maladjusted backwards Canadians.... Personally, and this is just me... I have yet to meet a Canadian that I like. (I am sooo American with my damn generalizations) All Canadians walk around with proper sticks up their proper asses and talk stupid (as opposed to me, being from Arkansas and all....)

As for you Heather... whats up with wanting to burp? Surely you can think of better things to do and "say".

It's all very elementary school. Isn't it?!

I don't want to be burping to the choir, but Canada really IS a nice place. Anette

Yes, Heather, we have silly douchebags in Canada who misinterpret your humour and good nature. Pay them no mind. I live in Vancouver, I'm a born and bred Canuck, and I was pleased as punch that you visited our lovely and gorgeous, albeit crack-addled, homeless-plagued, deeply troubled, pan-handler's paradise of a city. Please do come again, and if possible, bring Chuck, Coco, and little Leta...they'd love the beaches.

'Fess up, Heather...there is no Tessa. Her "email" was nothing more than a thinly disguised attempt to a) garner sympathy and kudos from Canadians everywhere and b) let everyone know about your belching prowess.

Now where are the photos of the raccoons having tea?

Most Canadians are homosexuals and racist.

Here's how self-centered I am. Since I mentioned Dooce on my blog yesterday, I assumed today's headline was about me. Yes, because everyone is talking, thinking and reading about me, me, me, all the time, right? Whoops, sorry, I just had another Emily Gould moment.

Don't Canadians kind of make fun of their own accents, from time to time. See Corner Gas for understanding. I too adore their accents so much so that I married one so I could listen to it all the time. However he moved to the US (for me, ahh love ain't it sweet...) and he lost it, mostly. SO SAD! I had to review your posts to try & understand what this person was talking about. I am still a bit lost but whatever, eh?

Heh heh heh. She misspelled "hick".