• http://www.jennifermyszkowski.com/news.html Jennifer Myszkowski

    My dad was always the try-to-make-the-young-children-pronounce-words-correctly guy and it’s basically a losing battle. All you can do is model proper pronounciation and grammar in your dealings with each other and the child.

    I remember one terrible afternoon where my father tried to get my sister to pronouce “truck” correctly. She said, “Kruck.” She couldn’t hear the difference because she was a small child. I was maybe 6 and she was 4. I remember him saying, “Truck!” and she replied, “Kruck!” And he said, “Tuh-ruck!” and she replied, “Kah-ruck!” And he said, “TRUCK!” and she replied, “KRUCK!”

    I remember wanted to make him stop. She just couldn’t say her Ts at all. And before long she was crying because he wouldn’t leave it alone.

    My niece said a number of words incorrectly and he tried to correct her too. She also didn’t take kindly to it. I think it’s a problem in certain kinds of people that they can’t just let the children develop language at their own pace.

    But I’ll tell you what: I’d pay real money to hear my niece say caminal (for camel) and planno (for piano) and she-she and shy-shies (for chicken and french fries) any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

    They grow up so fast. Jon’s going to miss Leta saying “sawl” before he knows it.

  • http://swedenland.wordpress.com Nikky

    This made me chuckle, more because I learned about this in my linguistics class last semester. About how parents try to correct their children’s grammar whether it be past tense, present tense, gerund, etc etc.. but the children just WON’T correct it and they never will until they get a bit older and realize themselves they’re doing it wrong.

    PS: Back when I was a kid (not so long ago haha) Polly pockets didnt even have feet to put shoes on! They were the size of a fingernail and painted plastic. What have they done?!

  • http://loweringmyexpectations.blogspot.com Richard

    I developed a liking for Polly Pocket when I was about 12 years old. I think that’s when she was created. And yes, I am a guy. And yes, I realize that that is really, really bizarre. I’m glad your daughter has chosen to play with Polly Pocket at a more appropriate age.

  • http://whatsthatmystery.blogspot.com RubiaLala

    Seriously, these posts are the reason I fell in love with you. The very first post of yours that I ever read was the one about Wii starbits on Mario Galaxy, and I called my husband and said, We are moving to Utah because I just found my soul mate.

  • http://3giraffes.blogspot.com/ Kim Steppe

    Okay, Polly Pocket shoes, as well as Barbie ones, are made to suck up in the vacuum. It is like the immediate gratification you feel power washing, nothing beats it. I know it sounds sad, but it is true.

    As for the pronunciation of Crayon and Cereal, according to my husband I’m guilty of severe mutilation, it must be my rural Virginia upbringing. However, I think he sounds funny. I only correct my daughter when she says “funner”, which apparently is now in the dictionary…my god, or when they end a sentence with “at”. My classic response to the “at” ending is “between the a and the t!” Shit, I sound so much like my mother and I never wanted that to happen. Wait, I prayed for that not to happen. I guess my prayers would’ve worked if I believed in God, bummer!

  • http://chicadificil.com/ Chica Dificil

    If she’s still using SAWL in college, than you have problem.
    Right now it’s just freakin’ adorable and FUNNY. You should def video tape her as these are moments you’ll reminisce about once she is saying things like, “I need my space!”

  • http://www.mysterymommy.blogspot.com liz

    My son, a Virginian, says “sawl” too.

  • http://www.elegantlyrandom.typepad.com Sarie

    From one English major to another…Polly Pocket is a raging bitch, isn’t she?

  • http://bestparentever.com Best Parent Ever

    This is probably one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time!

  • http://www.sensiblysassy.blogspot.com Sarah

    Just tell Leta that Miss Pocket has decided to go Bohemian and she feels suffocated by shoes. She’s a smart girl she’ll get it

  • http://qtp.blogspot.com QTP

    From a child of 4 you cant expect perfect English. thanks for making my day with laugh

  • http://cheaperthantherapyjen.blogspot.com The Mom

    Just don’t let her say, “I seen him the other day at the park.” *nails down the chalkboard*

  • Anonymous

    polly pockets. my daughters love them. the best part is that i have to dress them. their tiny fingers can’t get all the plastic clothes on! my girlfriend and i decided we were going to open up a one piece toy store. that’s right. anything you bought would only be one piece and big enough not to get lost. both of us are fans of the vacuum to get rid of unwanted small toy objects!

  • http://www.thegirlwholearnedtokneel.com Becca

    frankly, that’s ingenious!
    thank you.

  • http://www.undomesticdiva.com Undomestic Diva

    I just recently cleaned the shower floor with my husband, Candy Ass’, toothbrush.

    And yes, you read that correctly: I CLEANED THE SHOWER. See. Small miracles do happen.

  • http://www.greeblemonkey.com Aimee Greeblemonkey

    This is why I took lessons to rid myself of my Balmer, Merlin accent.

  • Tonya

    Ahh, Polly Pockets. With two little girls, we have had more than our fair share pass through our house. And my youngest has had a piece pass through her BODY. Yes, she pooped out a Polly Pocket bathing suit bottom when she was about a year old. I take great pleasure in vacuuming up Polly’s shoes and other small accessories. I’d vaccum her up if I thought it would not tear up the vacuum.

  • Leslie in Toronto

    Oh, the laughter! Full on belly laugh (and maybe followed by a small snort) at the thought of you putting his underwear in the freezer.

  • http://aplanetnamedjanet.blogspot.com Janet

    We moved to the Gulf Coast from the midwest some years ago when my husband was in the Coast Guard. I remember how I could actually feel the locals’ drawl go into my ears, crank around, and get translated in my brain. Weirdest thing. I knew they were speaking English — somehow.

  • http://narfna.livejournal.com Ashley

    You should be thankful that Polly Pocket isn’t the size she used to be when I had a set. See your thumbnail? A little bit taller than that. I’m convinced that I only owned that toy one day before Polly fell into the carpet never to be seen again.

  • http://cheaptarts.blogspot.com/ The Tart

    Lots of laughing over here! Chilly undies, frisky John I’m thinking.

    The Tart
    ; *

  • http://www.timkellyjenna.blogspot.com The Craziness We Call Life

    Now this is just too great!!

  • http://athenasmom.wordpress.com/ Athena’s Mom

    Yea for Leta using shit correctly! (that doesn’t sound right; oh, well– at least she’s not eating it).

    My father has this weird Milwaukee accent and pronounces roof “ruf”, and sorry “saury”. My parents have been together since 1970, and my mother has yet to break him of the talking weird habit.

  • http://www.thewablog.com George

    About the shoe. As my dad would say, “It didn’t just get up and WALK out of the house, did it?” My daughter has those dolls and shoes. Everybody’s daughter does. If Leta has ONE of the shoes still, just shoot a pic and post it. I guarantee a reader has one from his or her kid who has outgrown Polly, or has a kid who will NEVER NOTICE that a particular shoe is missing from the collection, considering that most of the HEADS are missing from my daughter’s, and are, frankly, unnecessary for enjoyable play.

  • http://annenahm.com anne nahm

    And here I thought this was going to end with Jon at the proctologist for removal of a very tiny shoe.

  • Dionne

    Dooce, you just made me snort from all the laughter. I want to hang out with you say the CROWN as many times as possible.

  • Kim

    I think I just died from a laughter aneurysm. (I can’t believe I spelled that correctly on the first try.)

    I’ll never forget the day my 6-year old said, “That car had better move their gas guzzling ASS!”

    I nearly drove off the road.

    WTG, Leta!

  • http://fishingaround.wordpress.com Fishing Around

    The English major wins!

  • http://heatherk.typepad.com HeatherK

    You are so not kidding about those damn PP shoes. My 4yo just got her first Polly Pocket for her birthday and I am already over the shoes on/shoes off business. I can only imagine the drama if one of her rubbery green espadrilles went missing.

  • http://pineappleluv.blogspot.com Jamie Welsh Watson

    Oh my gosh this is one of the funniest posts ever. True dat.

  • http://www.theskos.blogspot.com Anonymous

    I think we need to see a video of Leta pronouncing “sawl” and you saying “crayon.” Looking forward to it!

  • April

    Just last week I pulled a booger-y PP shoe out of my 4 y.o.’s nose.

  • http://www.republicofdogs.net Adorable Girlfriend

    I agree — VIDEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • http://rockincharity.blogspot.com charity

    Well since we wear garments I could put them in the freezer, do you thing that is sacreligious? I know he would probably just laugh and laugh. I can just see it now.

  • http://conison.wordpress.com alison

    okay, so comments were closed on your last entry, but i wanted to say something because i know you’ve spent a lot of time defending yourself against people’s negative comments about “mommy-bloggers.” not only is your blog completely entertaining, i think it is also really helpful to other moms. and your last entry was just phenomenal. i think that leta will read this in the future and see what a beautiful love letter this blog is to her.

  • http://thedailymind.com/productivity/facebook-syndrome-8-ways-to-beat-your-time-wasting-internet-addiction/ Facebook Addict

    This is truly one of the funniest posts I have read all year. The bit about talking to a child calmly because Caeser Milan says to do it to dogs made me nearly wet myself!

    Good job on the freezer – I wish I had the guts to do something like that. You have to let us know whether he finds it funny or not.

    Facebook Addict

  • http://buywatches.com.au Luxury Watches Dad

    Alison from comment 117 it totally right and I wanted to back her up on this one – you are a big help to a lot of moms out there who do a fantastic job with their kids and their lifes but need a little break and a little laugh. I always feel kind of happy when I see my wife checking this blog because I know she’ll get a good laugh and a good read.

    And Alison is right about Leta – it’s going to amaze her one day.

  • http://www.thesupergoddess.com Brittany

    Coco most likely ate the shoes! Poor Leta :)

  • http://erinjarvis.com Erin The Great

    Trying to find one of those Polly Pocket shoes is as useless as trying to steal blocked internet. If by chance you do complete ‘said’ impossible task, the odds of you keeping it your possession is pretty much slim to none. Why do they make things that small? That item is just begging to be removed from a nostril.

  • Matty

    So glad my daughter outgrew her Polly Pockets. Now they are happily breeding at her cousin’s house.

  • CJ

    Gotta say I loved the reference to using an obscenity in proper context.

    My family was visiting my sister’s family last year, and between the two of us talking, we had slipped into some bad habits while catching up, lots of f*** in the conversation.

    After we had all gone out to eat, I took my daughter (then 4 1/2) out for some fresh air. I was teasing her a little with nonsense talk (stuff like “Maybe we should order a baked volkswagon for dinner?”) and she laughed, looked me right in the eye, and said “Mom, quit f*cking with me.”

    Whoops! I managed not to laught out loud… just barely.

    And we really reigned in the language after that… once I was realized kindergarten was 6 months away and the teachers weren’t going to find it nearly as funny as I did!

  • http://modadimagno.blogspot.com Lori Magno

    OMG. First laugh of the day and fell apart, uncontrollably while watching election returns on CNN. Husband presently staring in that husband way when I’m laughing uncontrollably.

    Thank you, I needed that.

    Also, I have to agree with #4 Anonymous: glueing Polly’s shoes to her feet sounds like a good idea. Probably less for Coco to eat.

  • http://www.theindependentmom.com The Independent Mom!

    Oh.Now.Come.OYN. Grammar is important! LOL
    I am the mom of a daughter who has TOO MANY Polly pocket dolls! *cries*

  • http://theroadtoireland.blogspot.com Amy

    #81, you guys sound like a real hoot. And when your son is 30 and on Oprah (cuz God knows she’ll still be doing her thing) they can both agree that you two are the reason for his nervous tic and his inability to get laid.

    I heart Dooce and all the doociness that makes Dooce Dooce.
    Rock on, Heather.

    And my human tests are “January” “regretted”… which just sounds like an intriguing book title to me.

  • Candycorn

    I saw someone say crown intead of crayon on tv the other day, and it wasn’t even you! Imagine the horror! :D

  • http://photooftheday.blogspot.com LuLu

    Actually, the CIA has their own PPSD. Polly Pocket Shoe Division. They rank with SWAT.

    The agents are reeeeeally small.

  • Karen

    Undies in the freezer! Love it!

    My five year old son has the “cursing in context” thing down just fine. Last summer he and I were riding in a car with my mother when she hit the brakes suddenly, causing his toys to slide off his lap. He, very appropriately, said “Well, dammit!” just as he has hear me do pretty much every day of his life. Mom didn’t even bother to correct him; she just reached over and popped ME on the back of the head.

  • http://briggsandnatalie.blogspot.com Natalie

    I really hope those were wet underwear you put in the freezer.

  • sevanetta

    Commenter Sarah, who commented about telling Leta that Polly was ditching shoes – OMG I lolled all over the place at that one.

    Heather, the Month 52 newsletter was great. I hope I remember it if I have kids and they turn out to be like that, and me, because I can be like that too. Just listen… whinge and cry it out… then face it.

    PS Is your human visitor checker some kind of weird universe divining instrument? It always seems to pick up on my day in a weird way. This time it’s ‘overseas off’… I handed in an application for a job overseas yesterday… stop it, freaky human visitor checker!

  • http://karensugarpants.com Karen Sugarpants

    Our nearly 4 year old insists it’s MEED instead of NEED and when we correct him, same thing – I MEEEEEED dat Wii game!