If anyone mentions cheese pizza I may just have to take up violence
Oh, Florida.
Yesterday morning life hit us like a searing laser of Utah sun at 4:30 AM when Coco began howling wildly to be let out of her crate. We were still high from the smell of salt and sea, our bellies still full of fried everything, our minds still as calm as the line of the horizon over the ocean, so it was a bit of a jolt. An unwelcome jolt. A knife to the eye. A kick in the shin. And before I retrieved that dog from her crate I said aloud something Leta had cried out as I put her to bed the night before: "Why can't every day be Florida?"
Turns out there was nothing wrong with Coco, and she didn't even have to empty her bladder. In fact, I think she was expecting some sort of celebration to be waiting for her on the outside of her crate. Her bat mitzvah, perhaps. Where were the balloons? The finger food? The Journey cover band? On and off the bed she jumped, her wet snout in and out of our ears. I let her outside to release her energy, but she stood outside and barked at the door. This went on for two hours. And just as she was about to settle down Leta woke up. OF COURSE LETA WOKE UP. You saw that coming before I even said it, didn't you? It is a special rule of logic that only applies to parents: if a) you have a child then b) that kid will wake up just as you are falling back to sleep unless c) they are staying with Grandmommy. And if c) is true then you will have stuffed that kid with coffee and chocolate right up until you said, "Be good! See you tomorrow!" Because d) it's the only way to get back at your mother for introducing your kid to Barney.
This morning Coco slept in until 6:00 AM, except when Jon let her out of her crate she was covered in diarrhea. He could smell it, but because Jon cannot see without the aid of an astro telescope, he did not notice her tracking it through our bedroom, down the hallway where we discovered poo all over the wall, and out the back door. I followed her outside where she hunched over, grimaced, and puked for over 20 minutes. I then spent the next hour bathing her while Jon cleaned up the crate and the fragrant, candied path through our bedroom. When Leta woke up and saw the handful of wet spots where Jon had scrubbed the floor with Nature's Miracle, she put both arms on her hips, glared disappointedly down the hallway and asked, "Did that dog pee a lot of times?"
I said, no, that's not pee, but she ignored me, counted each wet spot and informed me, "Eleven. She peed eleven times." Thank, you, Leta for gathering such detailed data, although I'm not going to be impressed until you've shown me some charts.
Jon is currently in bed with a sinus infection (yes, I know, neti pot, he uses one routinely, we think there is a bigger problem), and it's taken me a few days to catch up with everything that needs to be done when a family returns from a long vacation. Things like having to walk around the pile of laundry, all the energy burned from having to step over the suitcase that still needs to be unpacked. My friend, Cami, took care of our house, fed Lou, and watered all of my plants while we were away, and she said yesterday that the first time she walked into our house it looked like a bulldozer had dumped a landfill in our living room. And I was all, Cami, we were lucky to make it out of the house without killing each other, and even then we almost missed our plane. So if you're surprised that I would leave my house in such a condition then you can't be upset when I tell you to suck it.
Yesterday was also the first day of a 21-day diet cleanse that I've decided to do that prohibits me from eating any sugar, gluten, caffeine, alcohol, or animal products. It's the same cleanse that Oprah did, and when I read about how it was making her feel I became intrigued, bought the book that inspired it, Quantum Wellness, and decided immediately it was exactly what I needed in my life. I've been meaning to make some major changes in my life, especially since the recent chaos is only going to get more chaotic, and this book outlines some ideas as to how to take charge of the change I want to make.
I'm posting about it here because I think I'll have more motivation to stick to the cleanse if I post about it publicly, and I plan to say a few words about how I'm feeling every day just to help anyone else who wants to eventually try it. I was certain that giving up caffeine would be the hardest part about this change, but the only thing I craved yesterday was cheese and a bite of Leta's Cocoa Krispies. And even this morning the espresso machine did not tempt me. I'm also thinking that after the 21-day period is over that I may continue to abstain from meat, for many reasons, the main one being that I can no longer justify the barbaric treatment of those animals just so that I can have a hamburger. It's as if I've finally been hit over the head hard enough, and I'm ready to change my life, from what I eat to how I react to Coco being covered in poop to breathing through the fact that yet again we've been jolted awake to a mess.
I want to be a better wife, a more conscious and present mother, a more loyal friend, and a better listener. I'd like to handle my anxiety better. I also want to be more organized because I'm tired and fed up with not being able to find anything. Many times that anything is my head. And starting yesterday I feel like I'm on my way to making every day Florida.
Here goes.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
305. Heather said:
I would love to hear how your cleanse goes. I've been suffering with generalized anxiety and panic attacks for years (although most of my closest friends don't even know). After going through 2 therapists, and 3 types of medications, I finally decided on my own to change my diet. It's not even as drastic as what you are doing, but it immediately had an impact. I haven't taken any medications in months, I even got rid of the "crutches" I was using to get though really anxious episodes, and I feel great. Just giving up junk food and adding lots of fresh veggies and fruits helped me out. I never realized how sugar and fats had such an impact on my thinking and body responses. Best of luck to you!
306. dianerose said:
Heather,
The picture is awesome. A metaphor for the SEA-CHANGE you are looking for.
Remember everything is better with some moderation. I will be checking on your progress. Not sure I am ready for such a huge change of food habits myself. I don't think I have the guts really. But, I should be eating more nuts and fruits and veggies...less calories in general. Frankly, I just need to take much better care of myself and your post is a kick in the butt to get started.
And, don't you dare strive for perfection. Most of us love you just the way you are. Your such an amazing writer.
Diane
307. DaxiMama said:
Go dooce!!!
308. Anonymous said:
Hi Heather,
I commend you for making such changes! its very hard.
if you are giving up meat for treatment of animals only, not of the actually eating meat part, please consider going local, finding the farmers who do treat their animals with respect, and buying from them- they are out there and they need your support!
good luck!!
309. Christina said:
I believe that since we are women, we will always feel unorganized, anxious and never good enough. But that's why these responsibilities were given to us and not men, who would shrivel up in the corner and whimper.
A possible solution would be to move to Florida, or at least a place with good weather most of the year that way the dogs can have a backyard and stay there most of the time. I have 2 dogs and if they were both inside I'd definitely be a higher level of nutty, although I love them to pieces and wish they were inside with me. Anyway, Good luck with the cleanse, it does sound intriguing.
310. Cynthia said:
Yay to the meat-free intentions!!! I became a vegetarian a year and a half ago because of the way animals are killed in today's society. Turns out that meat production also produces more greenhouse gasses than all transportation COMBINED.
It was definitely hard at first, especially since I didn't know a lot of vegetarian recipes. One thing I eat a lot now is soups because I can make a big pot and freeze it in portions so I don't have to eat the same thing over and over again. There are a lot of really great recipes on the Internet for vegan/vegetarian soups. For example, Google "green velvet soup". It is so GOOOOOOOD. Soups might not be a good summertime thing, though, unless you work in an icebox office like I do. :)
Anyway, I'm really excited to hear about your intentions. Whatever happens, I think it's great when people even *reduce* their meat intake. Best of luck, and if you ever want some soup recipes, let me know! :)
311. Mrs. Flinger said:
For some people it's Christmas. For you, it's Florida. For me it's a bottle of wine and a night away. Wait, that kinda goes against the whole "being present" thing. Well. Damn.
312. lisa mertins said:
my favorite part of this is where you say you want to be a better mother. if every parent practiced that, in a few years, the world would be a better place. thank you for your confessions, your ideas and your effort to inform and enlighten others. it works for me :)
313. Arun said:
GOD, it's good to have you back!!
314. anonymous said:
That photo is just beautiful! Needs to be enlarged and framed and hung over a sofa somewhere.
315. RzDrms said:
ummm, quadruple what Arun said. ::big sigh:: for a dooce post.
316. Mary said:
Oh, that picture. My parents have lived an hour away from Destin (further east on the coast) for twelve years. I moved to New York two years ago. Seeing that picture makes me wonder why I ever left.
317. Anonymous said:
Wow! I think the whole world needs to go to Florida. What happened to you?!
318. Lizzie said:
I read this post and thought "there will be an enormous positive response to this. I hope Heather opens comments so that everyone will tell her how wonderful and happy her words sound." Of course, you already know. Thanks for this encouraging post.
319. BOSSY said:
Bossy's Cleansing Diet Mantra: Let's not and say we did.
320. deborah said:
hi heather,
i really enjoyed your post today. thanks for sharing your coco horror stories and florida dreaming.
321. Betsy B said:
Good on ya! You can do it! keep us posted - the good and the bad, as I know you will...
322. Lozza said:
Well done! I hope the diet goes well for you... Im just not strong enough to do that!
323. jen said:
Two books for you:
In Defense of Food
&
Twinkie Deconstructed
Good on you Heather. Good on you.
324. MarkDM said:
It's not *just* so you can have a hamburger. It's for carne asada, too.
And I see you left yourself a little loophole - "a 21-day diet cleanse that I've decided to do that prohibits me from eating [!] any sugar, gluten, caffeine, alcohol, or animal products." So the drinking of the alcohol is technically OK, then? Just for medicinal purposes, y'know.
325. Emily said:
I've been wanting to make some changes to my life as well. I have heard about the Oprah thing but I think I'll wait and read your thoughts on it since I know of no one else that's doing/done it.
Emily
326. Nicole said:
Heather,
I just found your blog a few days ago (while you were in Florida. Ah, the envy.) and I just have to tell you that I LOVE YOU! It's like someone put a little recorder in my head and wrote everything down for me - it just happens to be on your blog! BTW, I'm also a "recovering mormon". Thank GOD I found someone else that thinks like me. Anyway, sorry about the doggy diarrhea and the rude awakening to Utah (*shiver*). I look forward to reading more of your blog!
327. Lis said:
Mmmm....pizza. I'm on day 10 of the diet to see if something I've been eating is the cause of my migraines. The best things so far have been Almond Butter (because I can't have peanuts) and a GREAT recipe for banana bread I got from a book by Jessica Black.
Another good resource for recipes was this website where someone compiled almost 300 that work for this diet.
http://www.recipezaar.com/cookbook.php?bookid=29808
Ooh, and try to find the wheat-free oat Snackimal Animal Crackers. They've gotten me through many a tough afternoon when I'm sure that no one in the world has it as rough as I do.
328. Liv said:
A cleanse! I did something similar last fall when I suspected my acne issues were due to my diet. Gluten and dairy allergies, specifically. I stuck to the anti gluten/dairy diet for about 2 months, which were some of the hardest months I've been through in my life, especially because in Japan, where I live, these dietary issues were not the norm so finding suitable foods was next to impossible. On the bright side: I lost about 10 pounds effortlessly! On the dark side: I didn't need to lose weight. Anyway, I applaud you for trying it out - especially cutting out animal products. May I recommend the website www.whfoods.com to you? It really helped me when I was looking for other ways to get protein and nutrients. There is also a lot of really helpful information about gluten and sugars to begin with that might help you stick to your guns when you read how awful sugar can really be and how just plain glue-like gluten is. I ended up ending the diet because I discovered I didn't have an allergy but wish I could force myself to eat healthier. Once you get into the groove it'll be much easier. Good luck, Heather!
329. Helen said:
Heather, I think you need to be careful. Sure, a cleanse sounds like a good idea, but I think it could really throw things off-balance for you (i.e. the effect your medication has on you, your past struggle with anorexia, etc.). I'd suggest cutting out one thing, say caffeine. Eliminate caffeine and see if that helps you manage your anxiety better.
I think you opened these comments for a reason: you need feedback on this choice. Please try to see through the resounding "Yay, Heather"s and realize that this cleanse is a bit extreme for someone who continues to battle anxiety and anorexia.
I battle both myself.
Best wishes.
330. Melissa said:
So the caffeine and alcohol didn't make life any better?? What a disappointment :(
331. Kareer Woman said:
LOVE your blog! Booking the Florida flight now! Enjoyed the ocean picture :)
332. veggiemama77 said:
I wonder if anyone who wrings their hands about the treatment of animals has ever driven past a strawberry patch in California, a spinach patch in Colorado, or a tomato patch in Florida. If you have, you can never stop thinking about those poor and exploited PEOPLE harvesting those things, and you will never get on your high horse about being a vegetarian again.
333. Kat said:
I think that giving up coffee would be cruel and unusual punishment, but good luck, Heather!
334. Darci said:
Thanks for the prompt to jump off from...I am wrapping up my first year of teaching and getting ready for 8 weeks of summer...a cleanse is a good start...but first I a 4-day vacation at the beach with just the hubby...
335. jaclyn gelb said:
Good for you girlfriend. About 15 years ago I got fed up with always looking for stuff, so I began assigning everything a place. In my house, everything has a place that it belongs. I have bowls and baskets and whatnot to keep things in their appropriate departments. Once I got my husband, housekeeper and daughter on board (with LOTS of nagging) it all works beautifully. I spend very little time searching for anything. But God help anyone who is around when I am looking for something that wasn't put away in the right place because I instantly turn into a bitch from hell.
Good luck with it and remember: Baby Steps To The Elevator.
PS. LOVED the guest bloggers, especially Josh Allen. He is fucking hysterical.
336. Torchness said:
Can I have your "Meat is Murder... Tasty Tasty Murder" t-shirt?
338. Susan said:
All I could think of whilst reading that post was "man you guys get to go on vacation alot!" seems an okay trade for getting to see the country :)
339. cindy said:
Just a bit of fun thought u would get a laugh out of it!!
A Parent's Prayer
~Author Unknown~
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find,
I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind.
I pray I find a little quiet,
Far from the daily family riot.
May I lie back and not have to think
About what they're stuffing down the sink,
Or who they're with, or where they're at
And what they're doing to the cat.
I pray for time all to myself
(did something just fall off a shelf?)
To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
(Oh no, another goldfish--dead!)
Some silent moments for goodness sake
(Did I just hear a window break?)
And that I need not cook or clean
(well heck, I've got the right to dream)
Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,
But as I look around I know,
I must have lost them long ago!
340. TigereyeSal said:
Wow- good for you, Heather.
From afar you seem like someone who has it altogether already, and it is somehow inspirational to know that you, too, have the same quirks and deficits and goals as someone like me.
Kind of a Desiderata-ish lesson in here for me, about not comparing myself to others, 'cause there will always be greater and lesser folks than myself; ultimately, we're all just folks, trying to make our way forward through the quagmire of life to a place of grace and light and a little more wisdom and confidence...
Sally
341. Tracy said:
Oh, Dooce...if you stop eating meat I may have to cry a little. I'm feeling a tear welling up right now at the thought of it... But I have dibs on your "Meat is murder..Tasty, tasty murder" shirt!
342. Lara Dean said:
1) Starvation, depravation diets are doomed to failure. Try www.weightwatchers.com. You can still cut out meat and drinking.
2) Unfortunately, animals are going to be treated badly to feed your dogs...unless they go veggie too. I tried the no meat way for a week, until I started to crave Purina.
3) At least everyday isn't NY. I went to Bryce last summer and keep telling Bella, I am MOVING TO UTAH.
4) make your life easier. hire a cleaning service for ONE DAY. It will help.
5) Know that how you are and who you are has inspired others, despite the lack of organization. Hence, www.laraslousylife.com :)
6) can you in any way make your captcha's easier??? My looks like it said God Farted, but I find that hard to believe.
343. Daisy said:
Whoa. Who are you and what have you done with the REAL Heather Armstrong?
344. Michelle said:
Heather,
Glad your back, even if it was such a terrible transition. At least it gave you fodder to feed us!
And on that note, you've just given me inspiration for a post, because I realized it's been a year since I became a pescetarian (a veggie that still eats seafood/fish). It was sooo the right decision for me. The rest of the family still eats meat (two year old is a carnivore) but I make sure I know where it's coming from, buy from a reputable butcher, or direct from a farmer. I've found this less hard on my conscience.
As usual, thank you so much for the unpleasant dog situation details, because it keeps my puppy yearning at bay. She is sooo cute, but diarrhea? All over your floors and walls?! I've got enough cleaning up in my life with the damn potty to toilet spillage...ick. The two year old insists on doing it ALL BY HERSELF!
Good luck with the cleanse!
345. The Voracious Vegan said:
Dear Dooce,
I have been reading your blog for ages, you never cease making me laugh, cry, think or be horrified at something absolutely crazy that just happened in your life. Thank you so much for always being so candid and honest.
I am so happy to hear that you are contemplating giving up meat. You are right, the 55 billion animals that are killed on earth every year for human consumption are treated absolutely atrociously. Not only will your physical health improve, but you will feel more peace in your heart as well once you give up animal products.
I encourage you to also look into the viciously cruel dairy and egg industries as well. The mother cows and chickens in those industries are kept in captivity and brutalized even more than 'meat' animals, but then in the end they are killed for their flesh anyway, once they are deemed too 'unproductive' too live any longer. Male chicks are killed immediately upon birth, and male calves are sent to veal farms. Yes, even 'farm-fresh', 'organic', 'free range' animals are still treated this way. Those are just marketing labels that try to gloss over the fact that living, thinking, feeling animals are killed so we can taste them.
If you have any questions about veganism just let me know. I can't wait to read more of your wonderful work! Thank you for always making me laugh!
Tasha
346. jolene said:
Heather,
Love your blog, I just found it a couple months ago. Just an FYI about the meat thing. Over 50% of the cow goes into by-products for every day products, it's not just about the meat we eat. For example, cow by-products are used in car tires, cosmetics, fire extinguisher foam, tooth paste, ink for magazines, tons of medications etc. I posted the whole list here recently:
http://healthydiscoveriesbyjolene.blogspot.com/search/label/Beef%20By-Pr...
348. Cherie said:
Hey, good luck! I'm too weak to give up coffee, booze and bacon.
349. Katie said:
I've been wanting to do a detox thing, but they usually result in me becoming the biggest bitch alive. I'm in customer service and I can't risk killing a client and losing my job for the detox. I have the best luck being a better person during the detox when I exercise a lot. The endorphins keep me sane. good luck and stay strong.
350. Gina said:
Go Heather! Try to check out various healthy eating/habits books from the library, and keep reading throughout your cleanse to stay inspired. Best of luck to you!
351. Gina said:
ps. forgot to add my voice to the STUNNING PHOTO chorus. Wow!
352. J. Bo said:
But... but... Coco just learned how to fix Mama a hot dog (I understand that Chuck taught her while the humans were on vacation).
353. Ami Baio said:
heather- you rock! i've been vegan for over a year. the book, skinny bitch took me over the vegan edge. and now i eat a high raw diet. good stuff all around! have fun on your cleanse, i'm a fan of 21 and 30 day challenges, they're hard but totally achievable. big love to you and your lovely fam!
354. Stacy said:
Heather:
I've never posted a comment although I've read your blog daily for a year and was also inspired to begin my own. I was introduced to your site by a client of mine who is a friend of yours.
But I HAVE to write... I want to encourage you in your journey to better health. I have maintained (for the most part) a diet similar to the 21-day cleanse program.
The list of changes that have taken place in me physically, spiritually and emotionally is longer than Santa's naughty list... I look forward to reading about your inevitable changes.
355. Stacy said:
Heather:
I've never posted a comment although I've read your blog daily for a year and was also inspired to begin my own. I was introduced to your site by a client of mine who is a friend of yours.
But I HAVE to write... I want to encourage you in your journey to better health. I have maintained (for the most part) a diet similar to the 21-day cleanse program.
The list of changes that have taken place in me physically, spiritually and emotionally is longer than Santa's naughty list... I look forward to reading about your inevitable changes.
356. alivicwil said:
I'm so impressed that Lou's still alive.
Our Creswell passed just under a year after we got him - he never really got over the move from our shitty 2br flat to our lovely 3br townhouse.
Good luck on the cleanse!
I'm going skiing with yr9 camp next week, and plan to start eating healthily after that.
357. Svenja said:
Wow, dooce, isn't that a bit much to take up? I think, from what I've read, that you're a wonderful mother / wife /friend! And isn't it easier to stick to something if the ambition isn't too high?
But who am I to judge... I wish you the best of luck! And I hope Coco and Jon will feel better soon.
358. SwissBarb said:
Congrats on making that decision and all my support!
I've been trying fasting (one day a week) but didn't really make it, my place is too full of temptations... I've got to empty some dangerous cupboards before I give it another try!
However I let meat go two years ago (for ethical and environmental motives) and only occasionnally eat fish, there are so many tasty and creative alternatives!
I'll be following closely your cleansing diet, and I'm already thinking about getting that book too.
359. Anonymous said:
two books for you to read that will help you with the cleanse-"Diet For A New America", and "Slaughterhouse". I never ate meat again afetr the last one.
360. Aime in Ohio said:
LOVE Leta's reaction. My kiddo is right on top of the situation when he wakes up too. He's the situation expert. No charts and graphs though. I'm sure that will come later.
Sorry about having to come back!! You looked so happy in the photos.
Would it make you feel better if I told you while you were away for a week you missed 40 days and 40 nights of snow?
Or that I woke up to the sound of my dog puking on my bed? Puking up some disgusting dried fish she found outside, that I can only imagine a dog-hater or bird dropped?
Aime in Ohio
361. Anonymous said:
I know exactly what you mean - I lived in Florida for a while and it was the best year of my life. I have now moved far, far away and trips to Florida always fill me with energy but somehow going back home feels a little worse than before.
One of my trips a few years ago somehow inspired me to give up meat. That was 5 years ago and while I still eat it once in a while (mainly when it can't be avoided or when a family member forgets I'm vegetarian now) it's been going great. I hardly miss it and like you, I just can't justify the violence in killing animals just so that I can eat. A great book to read is Diet for a new America by J. Robbins - very inspiring.
Good luck on the cleanse!
362. Jill said:
Have you read "The Omnivore's Dilemma" by Michael Pollan? A great read on conscious eating. Also, "How it all Vegan" is great little Canadian cookbook with all kindsa snazzy ideas that'll fit right in with where you're going. You know, new material to keep the morale up. I doubt I'll ever be vegan but some days it's a fun game.
I've been a vegetarian for 3 years with the exception of an occasional organic bison smokie from the local german guy at the farmer's market. Mmmmmm.
Funny though, while pregant with #3, at my uncle's birthday party, it was just veggie me, in the kitchen, alone with a platter full of bbq chicken drumsticks. I gorged on 3. Totally puked a few hours later. I'm not a pukey pregger. Organic bison smokie? Like lettuce. No problem.
I've bought what you're selling and it's nothing but fantastic. And that last paragraph you wrote? I think I wrote that exact thing in my journal last week. Thanks for that.
363. Colista said:
Always a pearl of wisdom in your posts! Thanks and good luck with the cleanse.
I'm a vegetarian who lives in Florida! Reach for the stars!
364. Jan said:
For the first time in my life I feel as if I have a handle on organization at home and at work. The key for me was the system on flylady. We all have to find what works for us but this works for me and I cannot believe the change in my attitude and quality of life.
www.flylady.net
365. tami said:
Aaaaaahhhhhhhh Destin........how it so easily changes one's frame of mind! I hope the euphoria lasts...I leave in ten days and I anticipate it lasting at least a month! Why didn't God put the beach in really shitty cold states to compensate for our suffering???
366. Sidi said:
I just got back from an amazing place somewhere in Cuba where the means of life are different... I know what you mean and I totaly agree with you. Love you, Heather!
367. KT said:
My husband and I moved to Florida for the very same reasons you wrote that you loved it. Then we got here and realized that old people have taken over EVERYTHING, and all the grocery stores smell like old man farts.
368. Mina said:
I tried to make this little critical note as uncritical as possible; if I didn’t succeed I apologize in advance for this:
I judge any book with “quantum†in its title to be bogus before I’ve even read it unless it is a physics book, although that’s just me. (Quantum mechanics is quite a legitimate branch of science.)
369. Bags said:
Why can't every day be Florida? - Great reflection from our youth.
I am off to research the cleansing thing – Please keep us posted
370. Ann from Montana said:
The photo, the last paragraph - beautiful!
The cleanse thing - I have a personal negative knee-jerk reaction to the faddishness and Oprahness of it. And find it interesting that so many have "done" it - several times and/or given up the various things and felt "wonderful" but apparently for most it is not enough wonderful to make permanent change. Maybe I'm reading things incorrectly...and to each his/her own.
Whatever the change of choice though, your end goal is more than wonderful!
372. J. Bo said:
"Omnivore's Dilemma"? ABSOLUTELY. "Skinny Bitch"? Fairly hateful body-image propaganda (and not particularly sound, nutritionally, by the way... and, YES, I've read it).
If you're hurting for good cooking ideas (during your cleanse and after), check out Deborah Madison's "Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone." She is herself an omnivore, but became interested in vegetarian cooking out of a love for quality produce, NOT from an aversion to meat. It's one of the best cookbooks going for ANYONE-- vegan, vegetarian, carnivore. She's all about enthusiasm for good, quality, good-for-you food, and I can't recommend it enough.
I'm personally a BIG fan of the (and I'm know I'm generalizing) Asian approach-- meat as a flavoring, NOT the center of the meal-- tons of veg in the stir-fry with a bit of beef for savor; cooking white beans with a bit of ham; incorporating half (homemade) chicken stock/half water into a vegetable soup, AND, of course, the crucial dollop of bacon grease in refried beans.
(Pork fat does, indeed, RULE... even if you're making red beans and rice.)
Check out Jessica's Biscuit and/or Amazon for best prices on Madison's book. You won't be sorry.
Good luck on the cleanse; find yourself some French green lentils (TRUE lentils de puy), and you'll be SO HAPPY.
373. Erica said:
I haven't read all the comments, so I am not sure if anyone has mentioned Michael Pollan's books to you. The Omnivore's Dilemma changed the way I think about food and my eating habits. I just finished In Defense of Food, which is good, but Omnivore's Dilemma is definitely the one the read. I cannot recommend this book enough. The book is a study of our food supply chains and how they impact the environment. He does talk about the inhumane treatment of animals in meat production, but gives you sound alternatives (based in unbelievably sound logic) that allow you to still eat beef if you are willing to pay more for your food.
If you are interested in becoming a flexitarian (eating beef occasionally), OD is the book to read.
374. Kelly said:
Oh Fina, shut up. Get a vibe, the world will thank you.
Your last paragraph Heather --- all what others said, sums up well what I too have been frustrated with; disorganization, needing clarity, wanting to be a better wife & mom and chill when life gets crazy. I'm going to try to change too, right now, along with ya, and maybe checking in on your writing will help me stick to the program.
Hope Jon finds some sort of relief to his illness soon. Hugs to Leta from my kiddies... my 2 1/2 yr old twins were sitting with me when I was reading your blog, saw the picture on the boat and said "Who da pretty momma with the sweet little girl?" So I told them and one said to the other "She looks like a good huggy girl, we could hug her, eh?" The other gives a solemn nod of the head. Note the All Canadian Eh -- you'll have to come visit the East coast and have some lobsters with us.
375. Mary W said:
Doing an elimination diet was one of the best things I've ever done. So simple, yet it crystallizes how diet affects health and wellbeing. I don't eat wheat anymore. Didn't crave cookies or cake, but I'd go into a depression if I smelled pizza. BTW, most frozen pizza substitutes are nasty, don't waste your money. Good luck. Even if you only make it a week or two, it'll be worth it.
376. Leaking Geek said:
Good Luck with the Big Cleanse, sister!
377. Barb said:
Nature's Miracle = Nector of the Gods. I don't think we could survive without a vat of it on hand at all times. And when that doesn't work, have you tried Spot Shot? It's good stuff, baby.
"No sugar, gluten, caffeine, alcohol, or animal products." Sounds like Lent on crack. Or anorexia but with way more complicated rules. If you are cleansing as a meditation on consumption, to become more self aware, then it could be a good thing. But reducing chaos in your eating habits will not necessarily reduce the chaos in your life. Good luck!
378. Jesse said:
I read I'm not the only blurker of years finally promtpted to come out of the virtual woodwork to comment...
I'm on Day 3 of the cleanse, though I didn't buy the book, I am following the guideleines, diet wise and pillar wise. A great book for a number of reasons on eating gluten free is Shreve Stockton's Eating Gluten Free, a healthy eating cookbook which i found out about reading her Daily Coyote blog, http://dailycoyoteinfo.blogspot.com/.
I may just go for 14 days. Not missing the caffeine, meat or sugar so much, but those bottles of red wine are calling to me... And the healthy high, mental clarity and increased vigor have not happened yet. At this point I'm tired, have a headache and feel bloated. Yaa-hoo. But I have faith, and do enjoy the cleanse recipes on Oprah's site. Best of luck - for all of us making changes for the, fingers crossed, better!!
379. cd said:
LOL on the brain hemmorhage comment--as others have mentioned, it sounds like classic caffeine withdrawal.
Last time I purged caffeine the headache lasted 11 days. Not fun.
I've heard people (including some of your commenters) say that giving up this food or that has made some miracle change in their life. Wish I could say the same. I've done the severe restrictive diets and never found them to be worth the bother. Continued to have migraines, hay fever, etc. I hope that this diet is great for you, I just hope you won't be too disappointed if it doesn't change a thing. At least you will have tried it, and have learned from the experience.
The two things I have found to make a major difference in how I feel are more exercise and enough sleep.
380. Jessica said:
Good for you! I may look into that, too, actually.
Ignore all the naysayers. There will be plenty of those. Admitting that you've given up *anything* seems to make people defensive, but I've found this to be especially true when you tell people you have stopped eating meat. Regardless of your reasons for doing so, and regardless of how diplomatic and non-self-righteous your tone is, people react like you've accused them, personally, of heinous crimes (against animals, against nature, against their own bodies). Then they often proceed to lecture you on why you are wrong and stupid, and of course they proclaim, loudly, their intention to keep doing the hell out of the thing you're NOT doing. (I noticed quite a few such proclamations in the comments. Oh, lulz!) Beats the hell out of me why people are so damn concerned with what others eat, but whatever.
Anyway, good luck and keep on kicking ass.
381. Mandy said:
Here's to Florida everyday! Best of luck to you Heather. I will toast you tonight while drinking my wine and eating my chocolate covered pork chop with a side of sugar.
382. Lornadoone said:
Good luck on the detox... I did a group 21 day cleanse with my naturapath/acutpuncturist in April... I was so worried and thought I would never make it through - but I did and it was the most enlightening experience ever... I learned so much about myself and my food habits - terrifying. The best after effect is that I got pregnant the following month - which was part of my reason for doing it... and it really worked! Enjoy and savor every tough, challenging and enlightening minute!
383. Katie Kat said:
WOW... you've inspired me to at least look into the cleanse. I was a vegetarian for 12 years, and ever since I went back to eating meat, I've felt guilty... just not guilty enough to give up BACON and HAMBURGERS... NOM NOM NOM. Anyway, I'm in the same boat with you on the horrible treatment of animals that we ABUSE and then eat, so maybe this will be my ticket back to living as compassionately as I can. I feel like I need to find that calm center in my life that helps me be just what you said, a better wife, mom and centered person in this crazy world.
My new life motto is "MAKE EVERY DAY FLORIDA!"
384. Kimberly C said:
I wanted to comment to tell you that my family lives 2 hours from Destin- in Alabama. Yeah, people do like to strap furniture to the tops of their cars here, lol. Also, how did you like our brick wall of humidity?
Jon's sinus problems? Could so just be from being in the heat and the humidity. My husband has lived here for 20 out of 28 years and the only time he had relief from the sinus crap was the 8 years he lived somewhere else.
Good luck on the cleanse. I have been meat free for 6 years now, it is easier than you think.
385. Kate said:
Good luck! Making it through the first weeks is the hardest part. My friend did a juice cleanse and found herself trolling the KFC site at 3 a.m. So if you find yourself looking at chicken (or cheese pizza) porn, don't feel too bad.
For some reason, it took the USDA beef scare to kick me into "happy meat mode." I now only eat meat from non-abusive sources - i.e. local farmers, Whole Foods, Chipotle and Panera. I did crave protein that first 2 weeks away from the excessive American quantity of meat consumption, but I just had to find other sources to get it. Without even trying, I've lost a few pounds, too.
Morningstar makes a FANTASTIC black bean burger that even has a meaty consistency (even my meat-loving husband agrees). Their fake chicken isn't bad either.
386. Rachel said:
Good luck, Heather! I became vegan a few years ago and dramatically cut back on coffee and alcohol shortly thereafter. The long-term benefits have been amazing and well worth the initial pain-in-the-ass transitional period. Seriously, if you can make it past the first few days, you'll be fine. Hang in there!
387. Amanda said:
I had to stop eating meat nine months ago after my eyes were opened to how horribly the animals are treated. I agree with you in that I can't justify the pain and suffering of an animal just for a meal. The hardest part for me is giving up cheese. I just can't do it! It's sooooo tasty.
I wish you much resolve in your cleansing quest! You go girl!
388. Tash said:
Wow! I resolve to do all those things as well (except the wife part) - and to think yesterday my resolution was to take better care of my feet?
Glad you enjoyed your trip. Sorry about the drama that returning from a holiday always brings with it. Your guest posts were brilliant by the way! Good luck with the cleanse
389. ma2one said:
W O W
Florida tourist board should hire you!
That was some transformative life altering vacation.
I have confidence you can uphold your new ideals for
7.5 days.
Good luck
;>
390. Molly said:
Goodluck with the cleanse. I may try it depending on how it goes for you.
As far as your decision to go vegetarian, which is totally your decision, you may want to consider purchasing a cow that has been grown and processed organically/naturally. I'm sure there are farmers and ranchers in Utah who will sell you a half, quarter, full cow that you can have processed as you like. The intial cost is high (since you're buying a whole years worth of meat at once) but it beats buying the mystery meat they sell in grocery stores!
391. Anonymous said:
Heather, you are just too funny! I read your blog at work, and it cracks me up. And, if your tired of Coco or Chuck, send them my way. I love them. Cute, cute, cute!!
392. Steph said:
What? No more tequila? Say it ain't so!
393. Marinka said:
I am trying to talk my husband into letting our kids get a dog. My husband must never, ever read about your Coco experience. Ever.
394. MonicaDC said:
IS COCO OK!!!!
395. Amy said:
I am glad you had such a wonderful vacation. It is SO hard to get back to the daily grind though!
I have been a vegetarian for about 6 years now and I feel so much better. In the last two years I have added salmon to my diet because I felt that I needed it. I think all people know inside what they really need to eat. I changed for ethical reasons and health reasons. Good luck with the cleanse... I am scared to give up my green tea!
396. Cat said:
I'm looking forward to seeing how the cleanse goes. Might have to do it myself at some point. And I'm printing out that last paragraph and post-it noting (is that a word?) it to my mirror. Good luck Heather!
397. Amy said:
Oh, I forgot, a great summer lunch or dinner... wraps!
Get sun dried tomato or avocado tortillas and put hummus (I love sun dried tomato hummus at trader joe's) all over the tortilla, then put spinach, olives, grilled tofu with whatever sauce you like and wrap it up! So yummy and easy!
398. Heather said:
We gave up meat in January ... it's been totally easy except for that one time when I bought a wedge of salami cheddar without thinking and ate some for lunch ... every day ... for three days in a row. I didn't even THINK that salami = meat, but when I finally DID realize it, I was a bit repulsed by the fact that I could be so NEGLIGENT. Anyway, what got me started was the book Skinny Bitch. You wanna read some stuff about animal mistreatment to get you to stick with the no meat stuff, read that book. Blach. Anyway, no meat has been super easy to stick to. No coffee has NOT been easy, and FORGET about going no deserts. I feel great when I'm off of them, but then they keep sneaking back into my diet until it's a daily thing and I feel like a big stinky turd all day long. WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?
399. Erika said:
If you want to gain control over your life, please don't start with food. When we make major changes in our lives, it's easy to place undue emphasis on the first things we decide to change. Right now, you're not de-cluttering your life by cutting out those types of foods, you're adding another obsession/thing to worry about to your list. Take up meditation or another hobby that requires you to do something you enjoy to the exclusion of the craziness around you. Or, hell, understand that everything entropies and learn to gracefully accept the chaos that's merely a byproduct of being alive.
Nth-ing the folks who say, "Do your research." I grew up in Iowa. I've seen the bullshit the organic industry has become and watched too many people suffer from malnutrition because they think it's wrong to eat animals. I do agree that it's not right to support the mistreatment of animals, but to say that what Nature itself does [Your dog/cat is a carnivore. Even chickens eat bugs.] is wrong is...fucked up. It's distancing yourself from the food chain as opposed to actually keeping your place within it.
Make changes slowly and don't bend down to fads. You've always been incredible for doing things your own way and it would suck to see you blindly worshiping at the altar of organic because someone with a fucking personal staff said it was a good idea.
[Of course, it's hypocritical of me to say that you should listen to what I say as opposed to Oprah but I will bet you a steak dinner that woman has never helped butcher a humanely-raised cow in her goddamn life.]
400. Laurel said:
Where's Heather and WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER? I'd support you if you decided to eat little puppies and drink only blood (and I know how much my support means to you), but no caffeine or alcohol? I don't know what to say, other than good luck.
401. Maria said:
368. Mina said:
I tried to make this little critical note as uncritical as possible; if I didn’t succeed I apologize in advance for this:
I judge any book with “quantum†in its title to be bogus before I’ve even read it unless it is a physics book, although that’s just me. (Quantum mechanics is quite a legitimate branch of science
*************************
Mina, I couldn't agree more. There is a lot of quantum woo out there, mascarading as "quantum" whatnot to make it sound "scientific." Basically, I would disregard anything that combines "quantum" and "health" or "wellness" in the same sentence.
I respectfully recommend this blog:
http://skeptico.blogs.com/skeptico/
Lots of information about woo-woo "science."
402. Coco said:
What great resolutions! I look forward to reading about your progress. Good luck :)
403. Mary said:
You're such an inspiration, Heather.
I hope you'll write about what you eat and where you buy it, etc. Because damn, Oprah's menus sounded good, but she had a famous vegan chef. I imagine it would be a little harder for normal people to have such creative and delicious meals and feel satisfied. And I'm a runner so I worry about having enough fuel for my workouts.
I have cleaned up doggie diarrhea more times than I can count, and if you ever find a way to not freak out about it, you might be the most remarkable person to ever live.
404. Mothering Two said:
hey there, heather. i've been on a similar elimination diet for a year now because my nursing baby girl has severe allergies that causes her the worst case of eczema all 3 of her doctors have ever seen. it is hard giving up all those foods. i mean, i was already vegetarian and all that other stuff was still tough to give up. my body went through stages of rejecting and accepting what i was doing. now, it accepts the way i eat (no cravings for sugar) and i'm able to pinpoint what nutrients i need because i crave different whole foods. i saw that episode of O, and liked that lady and how she presented the cleans and more importantly, what it means to eat conscientiously. it was cool that she advocated being gentle with yourself and do what you can, but don't beat yourself up over not being perfect about it. so, good luck. i'm routing for you!
405. Ashley said:
I've been reading your blog for a while now and I really truly enjoy it, it's one of the simple things that I love to do every day that brings a smile to my face. As a hardcore vegetarian on the brink of veganism (all for ethical reasons), it's no surprise that I was super excited to read this post. A lot of people will think you're crazy and tell you how hard it's going to be, but honestly, since you're doing it cold turkey anyway, it won't be that bad. I haven't had meat in over 10 years (I'm 21..) and I don't really miss it. I can honestly say that although I haven't lived that long and blah blah blah, that this is the best decision I've ever made, EVER. You will feel great, believe me, it's a wise choice. Good luck!! :)
406. Tiffany said:
Not trying to sound pessimistic/ unsupportive, but this sounds like what I do when I return from ANY vacation... I come home with lofty goals of life overhauls and plans to better everything. For the record, I have yet to better everything, but I still support this move cause one change always ends up sticking and proving worth the disappointment of not changing everything.
407. Mike said:
You can do it. Just take it one day at a time.
408. Amber said:
Welcome back... and good luck with kicking life's ass back in line. I'm rooting for you!
409. Daisy said:
I lived in Florida, for a loooong time. Long enough to survive six hurricanes. Yep, Florida is love-er-ly and beautiful and spellbinding, all of that. Florida is also hell on earth when the hurricanes hit.
410. AmandaL said:
I'm so anxious to see how the cleanse goes for you -- I keep thinking I should do something along those lines, and just haven't figured out how to fit it in. I'd love to feel healthier, and BE healthier.
411. Lori Geller said:
I agree with post 290. Don't do the Landmark Forum.
Remember in "Six feet Under" when Ruth was into "The Plan"? That story line was so obviously based on the Forum.
412. Christina said:
You inspire me!
413. Tami A. said:
I loved the last paragraph, I couldn't agree more. Good luck with the cleanse. Glad to have you guys back.
414. Val said:
I am on the Pepsi cleanse diet. Ironically it's not working. Damn caffeine addiction.
415. Atlanta said:
hoping u had more of a blast than ever in my neck of the woods (grew up in panama city beach, survived it only 2 move 2 NYC!).
and good luck with the cleanse. if u start 2 get off track, just remember that they brand those lil cows. on my last trip 2 norway i made the mistake of driving by a field of little lambs just frolicking across the grass, playing like little kids, and well, let's just say that i couldn't eat mergez anymore. when i went back home 2 see my granny in panama city and told her about it & how i could no longer eat lamb anymore she said, "i know, they just meek, aint they?"
(head spins). really? from a woman who would eat a 'coon' that was freshly killed by someone's car? SHE couldnt eat lamb because they were too meek? bloody hell. then i knew i was in trouble.
anyway. stay focused!
416. Rebecca said:
Something smells fishy. The "doctor" who created the detox program isn't a medical doctor, and she doesn't have any data backing up her plan. The whole detox philosophy seems to have a lot of holes in it. Good luck improving your diet, but be careful about the detox -- it may not be healthy. You may want to consult with a doctor or nutritionist to make sure that what you're doing is sound.
417. Jana said:
I'm with you about the barbaric treatment of animals. But would you consider free-range, cruelty-free meat and animal products? I only ask because I actually felt worse when I cut out meat entirely. Should you feel the same way, there are some decent options.
Also, I'd recommend reading the book Real Food by Nina Planck. It changed the way I think about food.
418. Anonymous said:
Is Jon doing the cleanse too? My husband, who suffered from constant sinus problems and many many headaches, recently discovered that the problem was alcohol. It seems that even having a single beer after work will cause all the little blood vessels in his delicate sinuses to swell just enough to block things up. He is a frail flower. He misses the booze, but not as much as he enjoys not having sinus headaches. He went from having 3 or 4 a week to having a couple a month. Something to think about, anyway.
419. Katy said:
Ahhh, the cleanse. This changed my life...and our plumbing.
Katy
420. Gela said:
It's good to hear such a positive directive after such a, (forgive the pun) crappy morning to wake up to. Unpacking after a trip is a sharp mental pain to me.
I've given up coffee type products for a week a few times. It truly is remarkable how much of a difference it can make after you get past the withdraw headaches. And I worked at a coffee shop, so it was doubly difficult.
As for the meat give up, a good thing to possibly look at is either smaller farms that don't treat their animals poorly. They usually also abstain from hormones and steroid use that's just a whole lot better for both of you. (I've found it to be cheaper too.) If not, then just as a word of personal use, there's the stuff that is very very addicting called "hemp milk." No, not because it's made with hemp. But it is a very very high source of protein and has other essential amino acids and what not... it's a excellent supplement. It's also organic. Very tasty in the drink form. (Vanilla or chocolate too!)
I'm looking forward to your updates with the fast though.
421. Paula said:
I know you probably think it would be boring to your readers, but I promise most would be very interested if you could post something about what you ARE eating. I'd do a cleanse like this, but I just can't figure out what to eat unless it's just fruits and vegetables. Is that it? And nuts? That's pretty do-able, but I'd like to know what else.
422. Lauren said:
Make sure you get enough protein during your cleanse! People generally are protein deficient already, but going vegan makes it even harder to get all the protein you need. This is the main part of her diet that I think is complete non-sense. Even the articles she links to when she defends that you get enough protein from spinach go on to say you don't get enough protein from vegetables and nuts. You need about 1g of protein for each pound of lean muscle mass and on a vegan diet the best way to get it is from a protein shake. They're often expensive and taste terrible, but there are some good-tasting varieties at dpsnutrition.com and its the best deal for the price that I've seen. Good luck!!
424. ...loveMaegan said:
good luck.
425. Anonymous said:
Just wanted to give another good review of Barbara Kingsolver's book Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. Your evolving self may enjoy it as food for your soul while you are redefining what you think of as food for your body.
At the very least, you will surely enjoy the story about an heirloom turkey hitting puberty and acting slutty for the affection of the dominant HUMAN male on the farm. The book is charming regardless of what you walk away thinking about food consumption.
peace.
426. Neomi said:
I'm with you.
427. Marie said:
Hang in there! I see you have a headache. I am sure it is from the lack of cafeeine and sugar. I know when I had to give up cafeeine do to acid reflux it was tough for like 3 days. You can do it!
428. Arun said:
Let's experiment:
Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza! Cheese Pizza!
:P
429. Jen said:
I read this yesterday when I was really unhappy about the four-day booze and junk food bender I went on last weekend. When I saw what you wrote about the cleanse, I looked more into it and decided to go for it. I've started with a goal of 10 days and will then decide whether to go for the full 21. One down so far!
430. Lori said:
Hello. I didn't read through all of the comments, so forgive me if this has already been pointed out, but have you seen the movie Fast Food Nation? I'm embarrassed to admit it, but that was the first time I ever really thought about the meat processing procedure and it was horrifying on so many levels, almost the least of which was the terrible fate of the cows. Check it out if you haven't seen it. Good luck with all.
431. Micaela said:
Yay, simply yay.
Thrilled you got the mass-produced meat production concept.
432. Cobra said:
Wondrous Being of Light and Splendor, thank you for writing your writings. Pithy is the word that comes to mind, although it may not be appropriate, I just wanted to use the word pithy. I find that your writing is of, like, or abounding in pith. If Leta had a lisp, it would sound like your writing is abounding in piss, like the eleven times that Coco peed this morning in the hallway. But I can see that you have pithed more than eleven times in this blog. I love it, and will say that I will read it every day, but in reality I will check it tomorrow and a few days from tomorrow, and then again on Monday. I am getting sleepy at my desk job now so I will have to go because it is as hot as a retirement home in here sans the benefit of being able to don, employ, and incorporate adult protective undergarments while taking naps whenever the mood strikes you.
433. Stephanie K said:
Brave woman, opening up comments on this one. :) Regardless of all the experts and pseudo-experts weighing in on this, just do what's right for you. Your body will tell you what works and what doesn't, as long as you listen. Good luck to you in your quest for peace of mind and personal fulfillment - whatever road you take, it'll be worth it.
434. Anne said:
HI--remember about the connection between stress and sinus infections. Just the stress of traveling with all that dead air and changing altitudes and humidity levels would do it.
Have John try Boroleum petroleum jelly plus menthol, etc., it helps keep the nasal passages moist--maybe better than saline, etc.
Good luck.
sorrows Marconi for me on reCaptcha
435. Caroline said:
"Why can't every day be Florida?"
God, I love that. Ya should sell it to their tourism bureau, Heather.
I think a lot of us humans, and maybe specifically, us human Americans of a certain age range, are feeling this way, these days, in these odd and unsettling times--a vague discontent, a nebulous unease with our own inadequacies, our failures to live up to our own expectations, to find passion and purpose in our lives--and to make sure that we don't forget where we put 'em.
Good luck with your cleanse! Does it have a colon blow effect? Careful with that; you don't want Leta to end up counting YOUR wet spots (although just THINK of the fabulous comparative analysis graphs that would result!)
436. Kara Freeman said:
Jessica at #380 makes some great points.
Also cutting out animal products, alcohol etc, is not a "severe restrictive diet". It's simply a commitment to eating different foods. We are not foodless without meat and dairy! Truly we are not. Sure it requires exploration, attention to detail, and an attitude that says "I'm sick of treating my one precious body like crap, by feeding it crap."
Wah wah wah to these comments. "It will make me bitchy, no protein, my head hurts, bacon grease."
Heather you very likely know that this isn't an easy process, and that you'll have cravings initially, but if it matters to you, do it anyway. Think of it as a gift, not a chore. And don't be too hard on yourself. Balanced, healthy, peaceful nutrition CAN help you find balance and peace in your life.
I agree with others, it's hard to avoid sounding obnoxious when talking zen. But you, unlike many, have honest and lovely intentions. The haters, they have their own intentions.
Even if you decide it's not for you, you'll be happy that you really tried and learned- that you didn't half-ass, you whole-assed. And with that, Namaste.
437. Amy H said:
I kept waiting for the punchline in your post...but you are serious. Looking forward to reading how the cleanse goes. I would love to try it but want to hear from a real person first. Oprah doesn't count. She has a chef.
438. Angel Funk said:
You are so awesome. Just when the cynicism gets hard to read you become vulnerable again. I am blown away by how open you are about your life and really appreciate how honest you are.
439. Nicole said:
Great post.
440. d. Sharp said:
Thanks for this - especially that last paragraph.
441. Coco Armstrong said:
Hey, why does Chuck get a "daily Chuck" and I get nothing? Love, Coco
442. Amy said:
Heather, that is so awesome! I stopped eating meat a little over a year ago... not as hard as you'd think. There are so many positive reasons to do so. Such as, if everyone in the world were a vegetarian, world hunger would virtually disappear over night... you know how much grain/resources are used to raise the animals that end up on our dinner table? Since I gave up meat, i've felt so much healthier and more energetic. Go Heather go!!!
443. Coco Armstrong said:
To the nice lady, "Monica DC #394; NO, I am not Ok. I need attention, new stuffed squirrels and a soft bed to sleep on, NO crate! But, Yes, my intestinal problem is rectified... for now... Coco
444. Lori said:
I'm a bit sad that I didn't bump into you while you were in Destin. Next time, let's get together for a drink!
445. Anonymous said:
It's interesting how so many women, myself at times included, when contemplating real issues that need to be dealt with (large issues, small issues, whatever kind of issues), conclude that what is needed is a diet, which gives us the pleasant feeling that we're going to take control of something. Of course, this almost never works out, but it does prevent us from identifying/addressing the real issues, which we like because a lot of anxiety can come with pondering the real issues, if we can even figure out what they are, whereas, "I'll go on a diet!" (or "I'll do a week-long fast!" or "I'll do Oprah's cleansing regime!") at least SOUNDS simple. Everything gets translated into food/diet/fat language. By the time the thought "I wonder if I'm equal to the task" gets processed by our diet heads, it comes out sounding like, "Dammit, I shouldn't have eaten those cookies." I'm not dissing Heather--she is in excellent company with this one. Just kinda sad to see so many women waste energy this way. (Which is not to say it's not good for us, for animals and for the planet to eat less animal flesh. By all means.)
446. Elizabeth Twist said:
A word on cleansing: it's a great thing to do for your body, but a lot of people make the mistake of feeling that because you're cleansing you're going to feel better and keep feeling better through the duration of the cleanse. Sometimes when your body begins to detox, you start really feeling junked up. A strong detox can result in flu-like symptoms (muscle aches, exhaustion). So: water water water; if you feel really low, some good-quality, organic protein; and prepare for quiet time and extra rest.
447. Pretty Lush said:
I'm intrigued and anxious to hear about your progress. I hope to wring some motivation from it because my goals mirror yours. Best of luck, and welcome home!
448. Anonymous said:
You know why COCO had diarrhea don't you? She's "cleansing" too.
449. Agent Scully said:
I'm not sure why everyone is labeling this diet lifestyle as a "cleanse" because it's simply being Vegan. I became a Vegetarian 5 months ago and a month into my new diet I went all the way and became a Vegan.
I think it's a wonderful lifestyle change. There is plenty of food to eat and I'm having so much fun discovering new dishes every day. For example, I didn't know what lentils were until recently and now I'm eating lentil soup for lunch at least twice a week. They're delicious!
The reason for the change was a simple protest to the way human beings treat animals and the horrific damage upon the environment that is produced by livestock farming. Although I know it's a small stand, I feel good about making it.
I feel great and healthy. I've had a surge in my energy level and attention span. I feel more calm than ever before.
Good luck.
450. Laura said:
Seeing as how you clearly don't have enough people weighing in on your cleanse, Jon's sinus infection, or Coco's problem with the runs, I thought I'd offer my sage two cents. :-)
I have skimmed through the Quantum Wellness book recently, and I have read parts of Oprah's blog regarding her cleanse. I have recently made some pretty mind bending changes in my life in preparation for my son's deployment to Iraq, and honestly, I think that 99.999% of it is in the mindset that we embrace. It's time for me to stop drinking like a teenager (I'm 41, for heaven's sake), it's time for me to stop eating meat (it is morally impossible for me now to eat something with a face), it's time for me to shore myself up and give **me** the tools I need to make it through Chris' deployment. I know (even if I don't like it much) what is going to help and what is not. Beer every night has not helped. Hamburgers have not helped. I'm ready to change things.
And so I did. It was pretty simple, but I think that comes from my mindset. I was just ready. I think that Freston addresses it in her book early on, but being aware of ourselves and what we need/want/etc. is important. I knew that a long time ago, but seem to have forgotten it through my 30s. I'm relearning it in my 40s.
As to what to do about protein? Feh. Gimme a break, commenters! http://tinyurl.com/678fs4 Don't fall for the hype...and it's all hype, dude. Take what works for you and discard the rest.
Oh, and one more suggestion for reading material, if I can be indulged: Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin. If you can make it through all the cursing (which something tells me that you can), it offers some really great advice, or assvice, whichever you prefer.
Sending great white healing light to both Jon and Coco, hoping that their respective ends dry up.
In Doociness--
Laura
451. Red said:
Heather, Go for it girl! You can do it. I was going to, but, I think I need to take it a step further and go RAW!
We are looking forward to you blogging about your 21 day journey- I am sure it will filled with more swear words then Oprah's 21 day cleanse blog, haha.
xoxo
Red
452. Slub said:
Hey Heather,
I'm an everyday reader of your fabulousness and when I read that you were in Destin I was hoping that your crew would make it over to Pensacola Beach for a day.
I live here and I was on DOOCE lookout all week! I wanted so bad to see you on the beach and yell "DOOOOOOCCEEE!" real loud in front of everyone. Perhaps as loud as your burps. I would have loved to meet you and the blurbodoocery, however you spell it.
This is indeed one of the most beautiful beaches in the US- especially Destin and Pensacola Beach- I grew up in Ohio and its really great coming over the bridge to the island, instant VACATION.
Good to hear you had a great holiday. You're awesome.
453. Lesley said:
The only concern I have about the diet end of this program is the amount of soy (as a protein source). Soy products are not healthy for people with thyroid conditions, particularly hypothyroidism (which many women suffer from). Soy also wreaks havoc with hormones and women with excess estrogen are discouraged from consuming soy products. Many mass produced soy products have huge amounts of salt in them, which is not good. Useful protein sources include beans, and nuts and seeds in moderation. I personally have no issues with ethically produced chicken and turkey (organic, free range sources.)
454. Heather P. said:
Meat free! Never have I so badly wanted to hug a person I don't even know. You will thank yourself for this change, I promise. Good luck!
455. Kim K said:
Laughing so hard about Coco, Jon & the diarrhea.
I have SO been there!
And OK...The beach photo....it's AMAZING.
Did you do anything to it? Actions?
Or is this REALLY the color of the water.
Must head to Destin!
Glad you're back!
456. Sarah said:
Not that you *need* a 445th comment to wish you well, but it couldn't hurt, right? (Or maybe it's been that pesky 445th comment that's been the problem all along...see? Resume eating crap!) I'm excited to see how the changes go, especially since I've also been thinking about doing the same. Thinking, but so far not getting the spark that would make me actually do it. BUT, I am desperate to be a better, healthier, nicer, more patient mommy, wife, dog owner (ugh), and friend, the kind who doesn't get a panic attack every time something drops. Every little change is good, and who knows where it might lead.
Soooo, thank you for sharing it all with us, and again, very best wishes.
457. Lori said:
You've talked about how beautiful the water was in Destin. Check out these pictures: http://ourcircle.wordpress.com/2008/05/05/i-dont-mean-to-brag-but/ It was a particularly amazing day! I LOVE this place!
458. Linda R. Moore said:
On the getting organized front, try the Flylady book (Sink Reflections). If you can get over the evangelical god-talk and the 1930s housewife attitude and the pure vomitous sugar, there are some really great ideas and techniques in there. (The website is scary but has most all of it for free...the book is easier.)
Good luck. That really was a recommendation, I promise. ;)
461. Kelsey said:
It was so nice to meet you at the beach! I still can't believe the coincidence of us staying at the same place. We love Destin and I am glad you guys did too!!
462. carolyn said:
Congrats! Good for you taking charge. I have many of those same wants for myself. I found a book by accident while browsing Borders, bought it and absolutely loved it. Perhaps you've heard of it? "Skinny Bitch", sounds much the same to the Quantum book. I too have changed much in my diet.
I hope you will enjoy these 21 days and look forward to reading about your experiences with it. Thanks for sharing.
463. eddo of postednote said:
Heather, I did the detox and felt great while I was on it. I lost 25 pounds in 17 days. It was great. However, since I've been off of it I have gone right back to eating the way I did before. I don't feel guilty about it either. I wish I could stick to something like that long-term.
Also, this part of your post right here made me want to open mouth kiss you it was so great:
I said, no, that's not pee, but she ignored me, counted each wet spot and informed me, "Eleven. She peed eleven times." Thank, you, Leta for gathering such detailed data, although I'm not going to be impressed until you've shown me some charts.
464. eddo said:
Am I banned? I just posted a comment and it totally didn't show up.
Anywho, I did the detox and lost 25 pounds in 17 days. I also blogged about it every single day giving updates on my food and weight. I felt great, but I'm back to eating crap. Funny thing about it was that at 14 days I felt like I could eat like that forever, by day 18 I was ready to eat an entire cows haunches while it was still alive.
465. eddo said:
Okay, I'm apparently retarded, or mentally challenged... I see the comments now, they are on the last page. Silly me.
466. Miss Dahlia said:
I once did a 48 hour juice fast. I lasted all of 6 hours, and then demanded my husband drive me to get a Big Mac and I don't even like McDonalds!
If you're interested in how the food you eat can manipulate your mood, I'd suggest a book called "The Mood Cure" by Julia Ross. It's an interesting read, and even if you don't use the suppliments she suggests, just the diet changes are extremely helpful. I may not be completely "cured" (I still take anti-anxiety meds), it helped more than I ever thought something like that could.
467. Amanda said:
I just made the decision to become a vegetarian almost two months ago and I've replaced many dairy products with vegan versions as well as upped the fruits and veggies, bought vegetarian meat replacements and fell in love with tempeh served with soy sauce. I feel amazing, my mood has been better, I'm not as irritable, I've lost 6.5 pounds and my irritable bowel (lovely, I know) has calmed down significantly. I also cut out coffee & soda. It's hard at first but after about 30 days my body adjusted and I noticed the change, I can't imagine going back at this point. Also go buy the book Skinny Bitch. They have a lot of great tips and lists of foods to buy. Good luck Heather!
468. Mindy said:
Hi, Heather.
I wish you the best of luck with this cleanse!
I can kind of relate, as I am on a restricted diet too. My baby's allergic to dairy and soy so I've had to cut those out of my diet. It's been harder than I could've imagined.
I just wanted to recommend a super yummy ice cream substitue that is made with coconut milk and sweetened with agave juice instead of sugar. It's called Larry & Luna's Coconut Bliss. It has helped me keep my sanity in a world without dairy. I hope it can help you too.
Anyway, again good luck and I hope you feel like Florida soon.
469. Kristen from MA said:
Yay for thinking about giving up meat! Didn't think you'd ever consider doing so, given the way you rhapsodize (is that a word?) about bacon.
But giving up sugar, gluten, and caffeine - all at once? You are very, very, brave...
I'll be looking forward to your progress reports. It will be nice to hear about this program from someone who won't pull any punches.
470. geekgrrl said:
Good luck.