my husband & i drive a vw GTI the size of a pea, our trunk has been outfitted with a subwoofer the size of our condo. oh baby!

I'm LOVING Loni! And Leta is getting more and more beautiful. I love the way you capture the color of her eyes in your photographs.

we'd be driving a prius, but for the fact that I had twins. 3 kids and a prius don't mix well. So its a minivan. It kills me to fill it up.

good for you for driving the small car.

You are totally crazy and I absolutely love you. You make me laugh out loud with your view of the world. Did I say that I love you? Good job with the Honda and the woofer and being called baby. ............and really that does fix a whole lot.

amy, I feel you on filling up the minivan. We used to be Civic owners, but 3 kids in carseats later, no dice. Someday...

I love the "baby. BABY! I can totally hear it (and have)

Ahhh, Napoleon's Penis...the great equalizer.

I sympathize with the A/C. I grew up riding in the back of a Ford Taurus (you know, the trunk), where A/C does not exist. Cool air? Go to the other side of the globe! ...And I hate to add this but we fit in my dad's Hatchback, where the A/C reached. (But, only one of us was tall then. :)

Oh my god, it's penis day! Mika Adamick guest-blogged on Dad Gone Mad with a penis story. Penis, penis, penis. I just like saying it.

So why was Napoleon's penis treated this way? Was he half horse or half Gnome?

My husband, after several years, convinced me to get a system in my car and I kept putting him off till one weekend he INSISTED and I've never been happier. There is nothing better then NPR in FULL ON STEREO first thing in the morning. ;)

i love a post that can combine napoleon's penis and going green.

sorry to say that no matter what i ever drive that penis will really be more of a story for me. call me shallow.

I totally hear you on the air conditioning. We haven't had air in our Honda for three years now, and I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to take it.

You know... That hundred pound subwoofer is kind of killing your awesome gas mileage, thus making the squeezing into that tiny clown car kind of redundant. Plus where will you put the groceries?

In other news; I saw the Napoleon thing on the history channel. The reporter was accurate. I giggle!

hey dooce, just checking in on you. just buy a prius already!
get on oprah and with that kinda exposure you could buy a coupla prius-es --- pri-i?

I LOLed at the "baby! BABY!" thing. Just about sums up my husband's attempts at getting into my good graces after he spends 62.50 on one, ONE autographed Indiana Jones card.

I hope the stereo don't pop the windows out.

My hubby thinks there is no such thing as too loud in a car... I think he is just trying to drown the rest of us out.

Love your site.

Michele
First time poster
Long time reader

Saved by a penis. Even though you agreed with Leta when she said boys are bad.

I love this whole thing. Seriously. Little Napoleon.

I am *so* going to form a band called Napolean's Penis.

LOL!!!! ooh, come on, now... civics aren't THAT small. ya'll will be okay.

how old is jon? make sure he downloads, "baby got back." he will be the coolest kid on the block.

seriously, jon, big, bass-y, loud speakers is so, eh, 90's. you are the dude hal and i would be snickering at if you pulled up beside us blaring music. but hey, if i had to pick a way to act out a mid-life crisis, i'd take hal buying big speakers any day.

remember jon, its not how big it is, its how you use it.

okay, stopping now.

We have a Jeep, and the air conditioning works great -- but with the price of gas right now I never want to run it!

Glad the penis helped you out with the smaller vehicle issues. ;) Thanks for the laugh.

I'm just wondering if your gas savings were totally negated by the price of the stereo upgrade?

I drive a '95 Honda Accord down in good ole Atlanta. The AC went out last fall, which wasn't a huge deal at the time, but then March came and with it Summer (you're from the South- you know that Spring is all of three weeks). Up until last month I was baking my ovaries in Atlanta heat and sitting in it during Atlanta rush hour every evening. I guess I saved gas, but I'm just hoping I can have kids some day.

A few months ago my dad switched out a near lifetime of GM cars, and his full sized van, for a Toyota Yaris due to gas prices. The front isn't actually too bad but I don't think anyone much taller than my dad's 5'10" frame would find it too enjoyable and he's basically the limit on the back. Other than that "little car" is a pleasure to drive and much easier on the wallet than the van.

Rasputin's penis is also on display in a museum in Russia. I've seen it. It's the size of a baby elephant's trunk.

Little cars gotta show their balls somehow? So glad I've never had testicular envy. My 35mpg pregnant rollerskate does me just FINE.

My once "ultra-conservative" husband has completely metamorphized into Ed Begley Jr. with the whole "going green" scene. We purchased a Prius in February and subsequently parked the gas-guzzling 4Runner in the garage. I drive a Toyota Highlander, which will soon be traded in most likely for an 80 mph Vespa (are we in Europe?) He has even planted an organic garden and bought a composter online. I will start to worry when he begins braiding his hair and sporting Birkenstocks....

I currently drive a 96 cavalier that is great. Except it LACKS a/c. I'd get it fixed, but the part that broke? It costs as much as my car is worth. I drive with the windows down.

That is oh so wrong.

Not the environment part - good job on that.

For my birthday my husband got me a stereo for my car. Not just any stereo. He special-ordered it, along with a collection of Drum N Bass and Jungle CDs from these DJs in Denmark, New Zealand and Australia (who, naturally, are not on iTunes... that's too "common"). The system includes some enormous round bass tube thingy and lots and lots of new speakers. I’m not exaggerating – there are LOTS of speakers. The guys at the stereo place were all "DUDE, are you KIDDING me? Holy shit!!! Wait... this is for your wife?"

My teenage daughter, who hated my car before, now cannot WAIT until she "inherits" it. Um… yea.

On the plus side, my husband volunteers for every errand, with Courtney shouting "shotgun" as he runs out the door, Honey Do list in one hand and ipod in the other. Life could be worse.

Oh, and that MGMT song you recommended sounds so freakin FLY in my car.

Just sayin'.

Tab

Oh yeah? Today, *my* husband told me he had a surprise for me, so we rearranged the seats in the van, crammed our three kids in, and set off for Winston-Salem, which is about 2 hours away. I thought I was getting a new couch or a bookcase or something else big and new and swanky. So we get there, and we got...Donkey Kong. Big, old, loud, spider filled Donkey Kong. Did I mention it's spiderful? And that I was the one who got to clean it out? And the reason he brought me along is so I could help him load it (it, weighing a ton) into the van and then push it up our porch steps when we got home. Awesome. And now it's sitting in the middle of my living room. YAY. We're living his Silver Spoons dream, I tell ya.
I'm with you on the satellite radio, though, it is a winner. If Donkey Kong starts to tell me about Napoleon's
penis, I'll lighten up about it. That would be alright!

As someone who just spent $1500 to fix her air conditioner on her two-door car - I FEEL YOU. Just can't go without it in an Oklahoma summer.

I drive a '91 Honda Civic two door. Once I drove it from Los Angeles to Lake Tahoe on ONE tank of gas. True, it was all highway mileage, but still. 460 miles on 11 gallons. Do the math. Yes, the air conditioning, after refurb, does not work as well as new, I found out a few years ago, but think of it this way. Sweat is the new black.

Way to go, giving up the SUV, all of which were actually sent here by Satan to make Americans look bad.

Eventually, you do get used to the smaller car (says the owner of a Saturn whose bumper is literally held on with a wire hanger). What you might not get used to is the lack of trunk space. I'm all for subwoofers in principle, but not if it means that I lose my trunk. I mean, where will I keep all my old coffee cups and out of date newspapers?

On the bright side, though, you can drive around at night with the windows rolled down, blasting your new Death Star stereo and annoy the shit out of the Mormons.

We used to have a Honda Civic, which we nicknamed "The Easy Bake Oven," for the reasons you've mentioned.

I really think that if I could see the future of my fiance and I's relationship- you might have summed it up in this post. Thanks for the laugh.

I don't get it ... trying to save money by buying a huge expensive car stereo? Doesn't this defeat the purpose? My boyfriend's the same way and I still stay up at night wondering why I put up with it... but I guess it all comes down to the penis. heh

Napoleon huh? Watch out for little men... and their petrified penises.

Napoleon's penis was WHAT?

Oh shit! Feeding the kid ketchup for dinner isn't okay? I thought it had lots of lycopene and stuff.

As for the penis... I have forgiven my husband many things because he whipped out his penis. I have never forgiven him because of someone else's penis. This may be a new one.

Because of Napoleon's penis.

Please, please, PLEASE make that the August masthead.

I looove my Sirius radio SO MUCH that I don't even care that my (newly paid off, OF COURSE) car is falling apart around me and I can no longer open the driver's side window. The 30mpg helps also. I'm just glad I'm short.

Yes, we also have the marvelous hobbit-mobile. Except ours isn't even from this century, and therefore does not have those new-fangled automatic features. Like door locks. I thought roll-up windows became extinct with the dinosaurs but alas, I was mistaken.

I'm not sure I'd want to touching old Napolean's penis, being that he died of syphillis and all. Yum.

My husband and I drive a Honda Civic, our AC has died, and my sister's family calls us the Hobbits. Yes, we're both under 5'5", but come on. ;) Thanks for writing about us, lol.

http://www.patmccurdy.com/cgi-bin/lyrics/view.cgi?8

Scroll down to read the lyrics to "Napolean's Penis" by a singer from Menomonee Falls, WI.

Yes I have to agree with #74.. but too can't say anything b/c my husband thinks he is a 15yr old gangster and has amps ad radio junk in his old grandma car....no really his grandmother gave him her park Ave it is very classy with the tinted windows and the junk in the trunk..but at least there is room for grocieres in it!

I am ashamed to say that when I drive into the city closest to my house in my YukonXL and my kids are at school I feel a little guilty being in that "bus" all by myself but I would rather pay $15 in gas to go to the movies then be seen in his car!

we LOVVVVVVVVVVVVVE our Honda Civic....but ours has a backseat. Useful for storing flyers, water bottles and bags...also a good place to shovel the glass from the window when it's been broken for the umpteenth million time...cause thieves...they looovvvvvvve our little Honda Civic as much as we do. We went for less of a stereo system and more of a "we give up, music ain't worth it" system the LAST time our car was busted open.......I think the wires oozing out of the gaping hole in our dashboard looks kind of artistic really.
We get excellent mileage though, and we also make fun of people in SUV's as we zip in and out of parking spaces...
we keep our SUV makin' fun of to the Karma ass-kickin' bare minimum though....

I drive a 2000 Honda Accord and I was convinced by my brother to shell out $200+ for a brand new Sony stereo a few years ago. The sound of the bass pumping my brain momentarily drowns out thoughts of how much of my (high school) graduation money I spent on that thing.

On a side note, a pipe in front of my mom's house broke and flooded the entire street. City guys came by and totally wrecked the lawn and driveway and even broke her custom built sprinkler system. Just wanted you to know you weren't alone in suffering a sewage nightmare.

This post is so funny that tears are running down my face because I'm smothering giggles trying not to wake my roommate. Thanks for the laugh. I am 5'2" and I love my Civic!

I saw a dead man's penis once. My roommate was a grad student studying occupational therapy and she dragged me to her class Halloween party at the hospital where they had their classes. Afterwards, around two in the morning, she took me down to the gross anatomy lab in the basement of the silent, deserted hospital and showed me dozens of cadavers with their hearts cut out. That's basically the best Halloween story I have.

And yes, dead penis looks like beef jerky. Probably not as tasty though.

I cannot begin to describe the joy I felt when I came home from work to discover that you had put up a new entry.

And then I laughed while I smoked my last cigarette of the day, with an ice cold beer in my hand, and I hurt my throat. And then I tried to drink beer to stop the hurting, only to continue reading, and have beer come out my nose.

Hot damn, do I ever love your website.

I feel your pain. I drive a 98 Civic HX and being 6'5" makes it a real small car. I would replace it, no let me rephrase that, I want to replace it but when a 10 year old car gets 35mpg on average it is hard to give it up.

I agree the first priority in any car is a working air conditioner. I live in Lake Havasu City, Arizona and during the month of June temps reached upwards of 115 to 120 most everyday. That does not even begin to describe how hot the inside of your car is after sitting in the sun all day while at work. When I head home at 5:00 the inside temp of the car is 130 to 150 and 2nd degree burns are likely when touching the steering wheel or any metal part within the car. Oh, I drive a VW bug but fortunately I am 5 foot 3 inches. Being vertically challenged is a blessing in this instance.

As for the sound system in your little car, hope you checked with insurance on replacement value. My son, who lives in San Antonio, Texas has had his sound system, radio w/DVD player with bluetooth capability, multiple speakers throughout his Tahoo and an unbelievable subwoofer under glass in the rear cargo area stolen twice in the last year and a half. His windows are maximum tinted so none of the equipment can be seen from outside and the face of the radio/DVD player folds into the dashboard when turned off. Go figure....

But kudos to you for parking the SUV and folding into a Honda. Is there room for Leta and her carseat? And if the dogs go along for the ride wow! what a trip and all that sound with bass.

Enjoy the ride and the tunes.....oh, we may cool off to 103 this weekend, SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!!

this has absolutely NOTHING to do w/ today's entry, but since comments were closed to yesterday's, i just want to say thank you!!

i'd had a wonderful (read sarcasm) day and was stressed, and i've been reading your site for years (this is my first comment, yay!!) and i read your newsletter, and your line about "well there i was, and then there i wasn't" or however you worded it exactly, made me laugh, OUTLOUD, hysterically, in my quiet house, in the middle of the night.

so yeah, thanks for a much needed laugh. hope you're back/body is feeling better tho!

I was just on a cruise--cruises, yuck, I know!--and a (big, old fat) guy was wearing a shirt that said, "I put ketchup on my ketchup." I'm sure that's appropriate for Leta, don't you think? And myself, as well. I eat things--burgers, hot dogs, etc.--simply because they're vehicles for the condiments.

Sweating is good for you! Ha...!
My A/C died on me a couple of weeks ago and when they told me how much it would cost to replace it (the work cost more than the parts!) I told them thankyouverymuchIthinkIwilljustsweatthen!

But, we're having a shitty summer so far so I'm not suffering too much.

And small cars rule... I drive a Smart ;-)

Hope you're doing ok now after your trampoline adventures.

ah, a wee bit of beef jerky....sigh.

if i had a nickel for every time i heard that...

From the late '90s until 2004 I had a two-door '84 Honda Civic hatchback, and it took me from California to Chicago (and on several emotional family journeys around the Midwest as well). On its worst days in city traffic it got just shy of 30 miles to the gallon; on its best days on the highway it cleared 40.

Its interior space defied the pansy-assed know-it-alls at the IKEA loading dock who insisted that my shelving wouldn't fit (it DID fit, and I made them admit it when I closed the hatch). It survived an unjust towing (all my dashboard toys "disappeared" in the process), rogue gravel that cracked the windshield, three broken-window burglaries (the culprits made off with a six-pack of Diet Pepsi, a twelver of TP, and a set of raggedy jumper cables, respectively).

And then it was gone.

I miss it so much I can't tell you. Right now I'm stuck with my mom's hand-me-down '99 Taurus. The gas mileage is crap, and I feel like I'm in Witness Protection and my cover is Soccer Mom #21,408.

Please, please, PLEASE... if you ever decide to sell yours (with or without stereo/AC), call me first, I BEG you...

This so made me think of an ad for the darth-vader-powerful stereo!

You pull up in the teeny tiny car at the lights next to a big bad SUV. In it are these bad-ass guys, tattoos n all. They look over and snicker. Then Leta reaches forward and switches on the stereo. OOOMPH! Their windows explode.
The end.

Oh now you must be "Rockin the Suburbs"...with Napolean's penis.

I am never eating beef jerky again.

Dooce, your marital arguements kick ass.

thank you thank you thank you for "Loni".
nothing better than spitting coffee over my laptop first thing in the morning.

HA! Awesome!! :D I can't wait to get an older better-gas-mileage-getting car and outfit it with a primo system into which I can directly jack my iPod somehow.

I don't see the huge-ass subwoofer in the trunk, though. I just don't need that much bass. (Although the thought of Bob Marley with a good size 10 is ... well, tempting.)

It's official, you're married to a 17 year old boy. They never really grow up do they?

Best environmental report I've ever read. And I read a quite a few!

I love how your mind connects a sub-woofer, Bob Marley, the environment and Napoleon's penis all in one post. And it makes sense.

Brilliant!

That story was a great way to start the morning! More coffee? No way! Just another helping of Napoleon's Penis, thankyou.

Being barely above the five foot marker, I've never considered how inconvenient it is for tall people to get in a little car. I, on the other hand, feel like a wee tiny person when I have to get in an SUV and then I sit there and can't imagine how I would ever drive it.

Off to google Napoleon's penis...

yes! boys.. but, there is something sexy about him wanting more bass..

Why not trade 'em both in for a Honda CR-V? It's technically considered a car and is an "ultra-low emissions vehicle" but it's higher so easier on the back. Lots of legroom too!

I feel ya, sister! I drive an old Honday civic with NO airconditioning. It doesn't seem worth it to pay to fix it, since i live in Seattle and it often isn't too warm. Wish someone would install a great stereo in my car though, mine sucks and makes a beat sound like a kid making strawberries.

The best part will be in about a year when he says "It's not even that good of a speaker" Because that's what my husband is saying now when we're trying to sell his no air conditioned car!!!!

When I was civic shopping I found out that the sedan and the coupe have the same body, just the sedan has 4 door and is easier to get in and out of.

I love my civic, but then I'm only 5ft9. I just wish the seats were a little more comfy.

Heather took her funny pills today!
First, I was cry laughing at Loni since I live in Wisconsin and think I have seen her on Yahoo personals. Right next to my profile, of course.

and as for the car... sucking air through straws out the window. Great!

Thanks for the laugh this morning... makes me forgive you for the coffee coming out my nose.

When I was growing up I loved the thud, thud,thud of the bass pumping and me rockin' to da beat.

I'm 32 now and I like to just hear my music, not necessarily feel it. However, my neighbor, Alberto, is close to 40 and he insists on blaring his sub-woofer so loudly that it shakes the windows in my house.

I had to tell Alberto to please turn it down before I stuff his body into that bass box, weight it down and then dump it into a lake.

So I hope your neighbors aren't as sensitive or as close by as I am to Alberto or else they might sit in their living room and dream of ways to "off" you.

On an up note - if Alberto said he was bassing for the environment, that might save him.

Dooce I love you.
I walk in my office, log on, and go to MY FAVORITES.
I read Dooce.
I laugh.
I giggle.
I cannot help myself.

I can now commence with my work day, knowing that in the middle of a mind numbing meeting I can think to myself "Napoleons Penis and Wee bit of Jerky" all in the same thought and I will internally laugh my ass off.

God bless you, woman.

i am with jon. a man feels a lot more like a man, when driving a honda civic, if the bass is pumping.

What I love about your posts is there's usually an unexpectedly twist at the end. Like this one. A post all about stereo systems and then WHAM! a lesson is historical penises.

This might be the first time responding to an open entry, but not the first time reading them. Chuck alone always has me coming back for more (and I have to say that Loni is one hot babe!).

I made the mistake of drinking my orange juice while reading this particular entry, and you will be happy to know that I managed to send it flying out of my nose and all over my desk. My keyboard is now sticky, but at least I can assure you it was WORTH IT.

This post really made me wish I had satellite radio just so I can listen to stories about Napoleon's penis!

If you need to get another small car that you'll fit in comfortably, consider a Honda Fit. You'll want the Fit Sport to appease Jon, but it's a great car that I (6'4") can fit into the back seat of with the front seat slid all the way back.

I'm glad hubs and I have relatively gas efficient cars - the price of gas is ridiculous! My sister in law recently drove 8 hours with no AC (just the windows rolled down) to save on gas mileage.

Screw that!
(sorry environment)

:) Becky

Lol, apparently Andrew McD and I had the same thought :)

I love this post!

We've done about the same, car wise. Minus the kid, but also minus the subwoofer.

On the oil and gas front... The irony of one of the text ads (and I'm not placing this at Heather's feet, it's not like the woman goes and hand picks ads) is just painful. ""Wife in the Fast Lane"
Mix 1 Pt. CEO Oil Wife, 1 Pt. Mommy, with splash of Socialite"

Seriously...click on that and do a command+F find for "oil". I particularly, um, like the post about big daddy celebrating $120/barrel oil. *sigh*

alghaghaghhhhhhhaghhh.

I guess the country has always been this polarized. It's just taken me a bunch of years to see it. About...8 years.

We have three kids and a Prius and it works, somehow. We do also have a minivan, but we only take it if we have an extra kid with us.
Good luck with squeezing into your hobbit car!

Despite it being built for Hobbits, I would love something fuel efficient like a Civic. We have one car... a truck. 16 miles to the gallon and if it wasn't so freakishly hot here in Florida, I would ride a bike. I don't because sweating annoys me. So I take my gas guzzler, crank up the a/c and feel bad about killing the environment.

We recently bought a rockin' 1997 black civic too. Gotta love 35 miles to the gallon! I actually saw you and Jon outside of a particular Italian ice vendor last week when it was 101 degrees outside trying to coax Leta into the back seat of the Civic. You looked pissed. Believe me, I look pissed too as I am convincing my three kids to crawl in the back seat. I make them call me Mommy Dearest when we drive the Civic.

Napoleon's penis? Of course! Why didn't I think of that?

And just getting the old trouble & strife to agree to a 19-inch desktop monitor to replace the old, dead, tiny monitor was akin to a major Allied victory or the Spartan' triumph at Thermopylae--too exhausting to really enjoy afterward.

You know, if you listen to Nine Inch Nails on that puppy, about 1;35 into "The Mark Has Been Made" the base vibrations can actually phase you into another dimension.

I so feel the pain! Sounds just like something my own husband would do - if he was forced in to it! Dare I explain... Last December, my dear husband got 'his dream job'... sales representative with a pharmaceutical company. (he has such wonderful aspirations in life!) With that came all of the wonderful ‘perks’ that most reps get… I for one was looking forward to having his gas paid for… even better – they were providing him with a car! All I could see what the for sale sign that would soon be placed in the window of his ever huge gas guzzling Nissan Titan! It is now July… my driveway looks like a used car lot. My small SUV (which I do get 22 mpg – and hardly go places – so I can live with that for now) – his work vehicle – which his company pays for 100% and we pay a small fee to drive it for personal miles… and THE TRUCK! Which we still make payments on every month and he drives mostly on weekends and when he gets home from work. Did I mention that we pay a small fee every month to allow us to drive the company car for personal matters???????? He even when through the trouble of having the windows tinted in the work vehicle (we paid for that) and a satellite radio installed as well (we paid for that too!) He is slowly running out of excuses to keep the truck – but I am sure by that time – the truck will be paid for and no one will dare look at a truck for purchase!!!!

Since the birth of our son (now four-and-a-half, about the same age as Leta), we have been driving only our 2000 VW Beetle. In fact, we sold my beloved Nissan Xterra right after he was born, and we've been living with one car—in Dallas, Texas, one of the most car-centric places on earth—ever since then. Now, with two kids in car seats, it's certainly not easy. But we manage, and we have saved a lot of money and had a little peace of mind over environmental concerns.

I once had a stereo which was not only on the border of being larger then my car, but it was also hands down "worth more" then the car was.

Its a guy thing you wouldn't understand.

Whoa. I wonder if I can fit a subwoofer like that on my bicycle?

I can't believe people ever (ever!) imply that you must make this stuff up. That conversation at the end between you and Jon? Totally happened. Did he so much as blink an eye at your explanation? Not even a flicker.

Wait wait wait.

Moving to the smaller car to save on gas to then buy an expensive stereo system which takes up the whole trunk and therefore will end up weighing down the car and using moooore gas... this doesn't add up. Shoulda stuck with the SUV. Man logic!

I still think you guys are the greatest though! And George!

I read this to my dweeby husband and he says that he would really like to see that Power Point presentation. Any hopes of this happening?

You prove the point I've been trying to make to everyone around me. Satellite radio will make your life better.

Case closed.

My mom has been riding her bike into town more often to save on gas, and I've been trying to drive a lot less...now you guys are downsizing on the car (and upgrading on the subwoofer, good choice Jon)...it gives me hope that with all these seemingly little changes, we're actually making a big difference. I hope others join in and realize that these small hassles and inconveniences are really going to change the world. One subwoofer at a time ;)

If only we could power automobiles with wee bits of beef jerky - ha!

I made a powerpoint presentation to my parents when I had to tell them I would be cohabitating years ago. It was 10 slides describing the top 10 things that could be worse than the news I had to tell them.

Napolean would freak out if he knew people in the future were calling his tool "wee."

It's a really good thing y'all didn't decide to go with mopeds like a lot of folks seem to be doing. I would hate to see what kind of freakish add-ons Jon would've tried there.

Myself? I just bought a bicycle. So there. My doing good for the environment just kicked your doing good for the environment's ass.

We had to do the same thing, downsize our beloved toyota FJ - which doesn't even guzzle as much gas as a Tahoe. We settled on a sexy, sexy Subaru. See why...

http://www.boocaru.com/2008/05/15/she-said-sexy-subarus/

Uhh...maybe it's just the older Civics that are small, because my 2008 has more than enough leg/head room for my 6'4" husband. Otherwise, this just doesn't compute to me at all.

Damn you and your great writing. Why can't I take mundane, everyday spousal diplomatic relations and weave it all into some stream of amber verbiage that cascades down HTML? I have an idea for you third book...

Thanks for all the great posts!

City living = no driving. However, I'm about 3 feet tall so when I do get one, it will be a mini-coop. Charlize Theron Italian Job style. With the bass booming.

So is Leta going to make you listen to Disney Radio on the bitchin' new stereo? Disney Princess songs bumpin' that 808!

and now i'm listening to the NPR story about napoleon's penis. thanks, dooce. always enlightening.

You called them "My Stories." I love it. My grandmom used to say that. My grandpop called them his "programs" except he pronounced it "progrums."

"...because of Napolean's penis."

I shall use that as my explanation for EVERYTHING forthwith.

I am at work on hold with an insurance company with the worlds worst hold music-EVER! You story made me laugh and forget that I was using minutes of my life on hold.
Thanks for that

I imagine that given Napolean's height, even alive and attached it probably looked like a wee bit of beef jerky.

(somehow appropriate that my captcha is lowed membered)

this: "at least we'd go out keeping it real."

is hilarious and so true

...however, does the extra added weight of the subwoofer add to the amount of gas you use? I thought you could use that in an argument against Jon, but you already forgave him.

OHH EM GEE...I am dying over here. Kudos to you for thinking about the environment and kudos to Jon for the great material!

These shots of Chuck in wigs are priceless- how he doesn't snap and season you with olive oil and lemon pepper and tear all the skin from your body I'll never know. What a patient guy. His wig portraits bring to mind a company that makes glamour wigs for cats, cat-sized to boot, at kittywigs dot com. Lordy, they are not even ironic about it!

i just heard your interview and i cried a few times, but in the good way. is that in anyway a normal reaction?

Did Leta not have questions on the radio progeam, I can imagine my lot in the car " Mummy, mummy, whats a Napoleon?'

In our house the Honda Civic is the LARGE car - we also have a Honda Fit! Now THAT is a car you can fit in your pocket!

To commenter #171,

I read quite a bit of the blog in Dooce's text ad (Wife in the Fast Lane) out of curiosity, and Kristi, the woman in question, seems to be a very loving and doting mother to her little girl who's around Leta's age I believe. Her blog might actually be more about her daughter than this one is about Miss Leta (hard to fathom, that!)

Having a life that most of us don't even bother to dream about is no protection from crapola. Kristi has one of those nasty MRSA bugs that we've all heard about (antibiotic-resistant staph infection) and she has to spend hours a day on IVs that make her horribly sick. She's been battling this for years and had to have reconstructive surgery because it ate part of her nasal cavity (shudder). With all that, she still seems to funnel a lot of time and energy into her family.

I did have the same reaction as you to the bit of crowing over the oil price - ugh. But EVERY issue has its winners along with its losers. It's just the nature of things. In smaller ways each of us has probably benefited at someone else's expense from time to time. And really, what would we have these particular barons do - unilaterally take themselves out of business? (Not crowing would be fine, though. Except from their pet rooster, that is.)

That is correct: rooster. Girl HUGGING rooster. Go look. Very cute. Resume merriment.

Link to rooster post:
http://occasionallyfunny.blogspot.com/2008/07/chicken-little-who-it-is-a...

I have been down on SUVs for years, but now, I cannot even imagine what is going through a person's head when they buy one. Seriously. Oh hey, I have a ton of cash burning a hole in my bank account, why don't I buy this SUV so I can make the oil companies richer and destroy the planet??

They really are all the same, aren't they? Congrats on finishing your manuscript!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HYDGiMipzo

This is a song called "Napolean's Penis" by a local musician. By local I mean local to me, not local to the vast majority of the posters. Enjoy!

Your story makes me laugh and sigh out of total sympathy. These are the reasons mine is no longer permitted to go to the electronics store alone :X

Yeah, hope it will work for you.

I'm glad to write a comment here, I have been waiting ages for this moment.

Heather, you never fail to make me laugh. Thank you.

I think any effort to do better for the planet is great but I think its important that we all know the truth...

http://www.townhall.com/columnists/PaulWeyrich/2008/07/09/a_falst_frenzy...

www.kusi.com/weather/colemanscorner/19842304.html

I think your husband stole my car! I have a cute little honda with a huge stereo. I'm embarrassed to let the bag boy carry out my groceries because my sub takes up most of my trunk! Have no fear, crank up the bass and put all the utah boys to shame with their inferior stereos!! ;o) and look at the bright side, it will only cost $60 to fill up the tank!

Ha! Hilarious!! Your story rings true for me; I just switched in May from my X-terra to my husbands 2002 (who knew they even made them in 2002) Toyota Prius. I love it, but squeezing 1/2 a soccer team in there is a challenge. I'm addicted to the MPG read-out and am constantly trying to beat my mileage from last nights trip. I fear I will soon be just a splotch on the road when a Hummer runs over me and doesn't even notice.

Funny as hell! That made me laugh out a loud. However, there is a serious side to these cars - I hope they sort it out soon as we have cars that run off water!

Having lived in Tennessee don't you know that then only really air conditioner is 60 mph with all the windows down, dog in the back with its head out the window? (I'm currently a Knoxville gal but I'm sure west TN isn't that different)
Both my cars have had AC problems and middle of July you can bet I'm not taking any extra trips anywhere.

I generally think penises are the only reason women keep men alive.