I can’t believe you wrote those things, it’s so not like you. That sounds like a great book:-)
I admire you for being so honest and brave about everything, thats what makes you such a great writer.
Ps: I like the 90’s hair:-)
XX M

Yup, those homos, they CHOSE THE GAY.

Seriously, I cringe just thinking about what I must have written in my own journal after my best friend came out to me at the tender, self-righteous of 19. Thanks for sharing, Heather.

I've never commented here...but what you wrote then was eye opening to me. I can't believe that anyone would ever be so...so...naive. Brainwashed and naive. I loved to see the dichotomy of old you vs. today you. It was a gift to see that people do grow and learn and realize that their God isn't necessarily everyone's god.

Then, reading the comments on this...well...holy crap people. How self centered can you be? Remove god indeed. Please do.

A friend of mine who is gay, once said that he knew his mother would be okay with it when, upon hearing a coworker discuss how gay people had chosen their life, she barked back--no one in their right mind would choose to be an outcast.

Thank goodness for critical thinking.

That is awesome. I recently read through some old diary entries from high school, college, and beyond, and Oh. My. Gawd. I read a few outloud to my husband because they were so "cute" but the thing that struck me most was how *angsty* they were. Did I really spend that much of my adolescent and college years unhappy? I was so WHINY. If there's one huge, huge benefit to blogs over traditional diary writing, it's that there's the possibility of someone else reading the crap we write - and so we work harder not to make it crap. But man, I've really got to rethink saving my old journals "for my grandkids" because I'm not sure I want them knowing I was such a total nutter.

Thank you for being so open as to share your process of change.

It is neato to see the first steps of questioning your strongly held beliefs. Goes to show how youth are but vessels in which us oldies fill with information and 'fact'. And again reminds me how lucky I was that my parents allowed me to be free thinking and provided opportunities to prove it.

Thank you Heather! For supporting my friends, myself and my life.

Ya, gay marriage up here in Canada has totally ruined our economy and our population.

Oh, wait, no it hasn't. It has done nothing but allow everyone regardless of their desires the same fundamental rights. Imagine that.

I'm not gay. I have gay friends. And they're married. THE HORROR.

Religous intolerance boggles my mind. I am so glad that our goverernment has (for the most part) been able to seperate church and state.

Thank you for posting this stuff Heather.

Thank you for sharing your mortification...LMAO!

Thanks for linking the no on prop 8 page. Thanks for being tolerant. Form one of those people, who some people would like to see burned at the stake. you know cause according to some I am "the gay"

First of all, love you, love your blog.

I have some religious momentos as well....one where I wrote, "Life is all darkness without the light of the church". My mom, of course, saved that. It makes me cringe.

On the other hand, I am 52, married with three grown children. But I have friends that I have known since elementary school.....and they were gay in the 4th grade. They were gay in the 10th grade, and they are gay today, and happily so.

Thankful for your blog, and hopefully people will think about their beliefs from reading your thought.

My kind, beautiful, wonderful son was born in California sixteen years ago. Since then, we've moved eight times to support his father's military career. Last year our son came out. We are only more proud of him for having the courage to be exactly who he knows he is, inspite of how difficult that can be.

It it hard to remain polite as I once again ask people to please consider allowing my child the same right to civil marriage that their straight children already enjoy. My child is not lesser, not a threat, and worthy of all good things;, as all children are.

He is my child. He is my heart. Please, let the law apply equally to my child and every American.

Wow, kudos to you for posting this! it takes some serious balls.
it's interesting reading it, although i do not know you personally, you have changed so much. Reading those past diary entries, (to me) it seems as though you're questioning your beliefs.
We all had to start somewhere.

I wish I was that honest in my diaries in that age. I had (have) a mother and sister who would read my diary openly in front of me. Because of this, my diaries began to change from anything worth reading to:

Dear Diary,

Today I went to school. Then I came home and did my homework. It's 10:38 and I have about 15 minutes until I'm going to bed. I'll write more tomorrow.

Love,
Sharon

What I should have written is:

Dear Diary,

My mom keeps yelling for me to clean the house. My sister just busted through my locked and now bent door as she does on a daily basis in order to grab something from my drawer. I'm putting on a smile until I can go to school tomorrow so I can feel comfortable and truly myself as I do only with my friends.

Can't wait to move out,
Sharon

Dear god, the hair!

I may admit to writing awful poetry when I was young and idiotic, but there's no way I'd show it to anyone I didn't have similar blackmail material on. I admire your courage.

Maybe I'm in a warm 'n fuzzy mood, but I kind of liked that last entry. Sure, a bit crazy, but the kind of crazy that thins about issues and don't blindly accept what others say. Sweet, in that adolescent, how-were-we-ever this angst-ridden way.

By the way - about the photo today. Why are all the fields west of Denver round? What ARE those things??

Was that cascade of hair all the crazy trying to break free?

That quite a head of hair.

Wow - I give that a Cringe Factor 8. It makes my public admission - of mistakenly believing that "Bette Davis Eyes" was sung by Rod Stewart - quite tame.

Heather- if you open your mind wide enough your brains will simply fall out.

#127 - Have a beer and relax for Gods sake!

Heather,

How did you get from Super Mormon Girl to the smartass you are today?

I'm just keen to find out more about Europe becoming more Islamic (224). Since I live here and all.

You are a fantastic writer and I'm sure you are a lovely person... who apparently lives her life with a very blurry dividing line between right and wrong. I can't stand that people like you have a voice that reaches millions. I wonder how many people you have corrupted with your "open minded" value-less thinking. I liked teen age Heather a lot better.

And by the way, my father is a homosexual. He has been with his lover for over 20 years. Every time I look at my dad, and especially his man lover, I wonder if my dad is going to burn in hell because he simply "has to" fornicate with a man. I love my dad.... Hate what he does.

Wow, brave entry. I've never been a journal keeper, but I think if I did, I would find that I have always been the non-conformist I am today. Just really, really, misinformed and immature.

On the issue of Gay marriage. Marriage is simply a matter of contract law. In the view of the state marriage is not about love, or religion, but rather about financial/civil rights, obligations, and property ownership. Just like you can't stop a person from entering a contract because they're black, Hispanic, a woman, etc., then you can't stop someone from entering the marriage contract based on sex. Now marriage is full of cultural ideological baggage, and means many different things to different people, but legally I think it is a simple contract matter

I get why people feel threatened by the idea of gay marriage, but really, I don't see what the big deal is. I think all people and families are entitled to the same right to express their commitment and legal rights that my husband and I do.

That's so funny! I have crazy entries in my journal from when I served a 2-year LDS mission in Brazil. I look back at them now and I laugh at what I wrote. Although my intentions were genuine in the time, like your entries, they were somewhat ignorant and corny.

You're opinion on Prop 8 is so true. If we could just separate CHURCH from State this would not even be an issue. Every religion does what they want with their interpretation of the bible, so why is it all of a sudden an issue now that two people of the same sex, who love each other, want a legal form of commitment?

Thanks for your perspective

OK. So maybe today is not a good day to post your link on my favorite blogs to read on the aboringphoto blog. Good stuff round these parts. You are funny as hell. Will post another day.

Even coco? Dear God, you want to marry coco? I think the crazies have come back. ;)

I love when you open your comments. And it's only ever on the posts guaranteed to erupt in a flurry of mad chaos. You are like the puppet master, pulling the strings on everyone just to see them dance...

If it makes you feel any better: Before I was medicated for my "crazy" (bipolar), I once had enough of a mental snap for a week (during a manic episode) that I was CONVINCED I was a modern day disciple of Jesus. One of his Apostles.

Yeah, I can also remember crying to my Mom and that whole conversation I had with her. Thankfully, it's not on paper.

It was reading that last diary entry that sent a shock wave through me, because it put a face to the struggle of "hate the sin and not the sinner" that many, many people of faith go through every day. It was almost tangible how the confusion and difficulty in watching Philadelphia was for you back then. I typically just laugh off people who try to preach to me that my lifestyle choice is wrong, or even Sarah Palin saying we are "tolerated." However, reading your diary made me realize I should actively work on having more sympathy and patience with these folks because perhaps they might end up someday becoming such a wonderful, supportive voice for the LBGT community such as yourself.

Thank you.

The fact that it was unclear whether you were witnessing snow or albino raindrops is a peeing the pants moment for me. Hilarious.
Great post, too.

Try not to beat yourself up so much about what you said, thought or did in these journals. You were doing what ALL of us should throughout our lives--examine ourselves and challenge our beliefs.

Socrates: "The unexamined life is not worth living"

Twenty years from now, you'll look back at this blog and cringe here and there, too.

But it's a good thing.

I am glad to see that I am not the only one who wrote crazy stuff when they were younger. Since I am not a mormon and have never been I don't think that it is a mormon thing. For me it was trying to figure out my place in life, and what was right and wrong.

For the longest time I wondered if there was something wrong with me. I am sure there is... I just have not figured it out yet... 15 years later...LOL!

April

Thank you for sharing these, they are funny and more than a bit painful.

As a gay man living with HIV, that last journal entry made me feel kind of mad, but then I looked at the photo and your hair was so amazing all was forgiven. Hate the bigot, love their hair! That's pretty gay, I know.

With your hair long like that, you look like Jeri Hall!

Reading those diary entries should make you extra proud of the person you've become. You had to overcome a lot of brainwashing. Did you change gradually or did something happen that snapped you out of it?

I went to catholic elementary and high school, and though my parents were very liberal for catholics, college was quite the cultural shock. I was quiet and kept my judgemental thoughts to myself...and then I started to understand more about how being a Christian and being tolerant of different cultures and schools of thought go hand and hand. I am thankful for that realization and all of the people that I got to know becuase of it...I wish I had written more during that transition so that I could look back on that process of growth that is still on-going. Thanks for the post and Way Cool Hair. :)

I read your site daily, and I love love love it. Hilarious. Insightful. And who knew it was so damn easy to make edamame?

I'm glad you let us read your journals from way-back-when. God's university? Weird. Definitely cringe-worthy. But here's the thing I don't get about the comments now:

Isn't your blanket contempt for religious people just a reinvention of the same extreme intolerance you had for gay people in that journal—only this time the intolerance just has a more sophisticated face?

OMG WHAT A BACKWARDS PSYCHO YOU USED TO BE. --- What I should've thought when I read this.

OMG WAS THAT REALLY YOUR HAIR?! ---What I was actually fixated on.

In all seriousness, it's great that you shared that. I would cringe for anyone to see my diary entries between 17-22. Yikes. I too was afflicted by "The Crazy".

My response to those that support Prop. 8: If you are against gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person. Unless you are gay, it has nothing to do with you. It is the equivalent of saying that African-Americans can't marry. You cannot help being born gay any more than you can help being born black. Or Hispanic. Or a woman. It's a human rights issue. Period.

I live in CA and I and my husband will both be voting against Prop. 8.

NB:

That said, I understand comment #84's perspective too. Not all religious people are messed, and there is good that comes from faith/spirituality... but not always the unfortunate bureaucracy and exploitation that (often seems to) accompany it.

Holy Shit!! That's all. Just "holy shit!"

Heather, you are the bravest person I know. I can't believe you had the guts to post these. Thanks for the laugh, it brought back some old brainwashed memories of my own.

These entries - especially the one about homosexuality - remind me SO MUCH of my attitudes growing up as one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

Much like you, my attitudes about the world around me have changed dramatically. Kudos to you for putting those diary entries out here for all to read. :)

Thank you so very much for being a wonderful ALLY. I couldn't have said it better than "If you take religion out of the equation, there is no issue" My fiance, Robert, and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

hooray!! HELL NO on prop 8!! :D

Heather you nineties poster girl :)nice Guess jeans :)

I never leave long posts, but I figured fuck it, might as well have my say since that idiot that flamed you way back had his.
One night a couple of weeks ago I decided to get educated on who had an interest in starting the process FIVE years ago to close a miniscule language loophole in the Fl constitution which MIGHT allow for the EVENTUALITY of a measure to allow gay marriage in FL, and found an personal injury attorney from Orlando who was the sole executive of the PAC that developed the proposal. He's also a member and mover in some other fundamentalist groups, which I won't call religious because to me religion means love, not fear and control. He wrote it all by himself, someone's prideful eh?

I found an email address online and wrote him a personal letter, I thought he should know who he was bigoted against:

Mr. Stemberger
I am writing to tell you how much your actions have personally hurt me. That at this moment I am suffering from severe emotional distress due to your one man war on my human rights and my freedoms, for which my father, Uncle, and Grandfather et al, going back before the Revolution fought and gave their lives.

The thought that as I went about my life as a citizen, unbeknownst to me, another free citizen has been quietly going about the business of stripping my rights from me is horrific. And in the name of God, no less.

Unconscionable that you would spend the life God gave you attempting to control others with legal shenanigans and vaguely worded proposals "financial impact would be minor", how do you have any idea of what the impact you are proposing would be, Jim Crow? You have no idea whatsoever. I'm no attorney but I can critically think to the level that financial impact on the dissolution of all legal arrangements in this state affected by Prop 2 retro-actively would be major.

So No on Two, fellow Native Floridian.

Now, I'm going to walk into the other room and watch TV with my significant other. Someone who has loved and supported me for almost four years, someone who accepts me for who I am, and loves me the way everyone should feel love. Someone for whom her faith, and the God whose work you feel you do, has carried her through tough times like you should pray never to see. And because of faith I will forgive you. But remember, as stated clearly in Matthew Chapter 7, those that set themselves to Judge will one day feel that Judgment before God. You better be able to explain your way out of this one, buddy.

He didn't write me back :(
Keep going, Heather...good on you, girl. I was once homophobic myself. It's called fear.

O-mg ...that HAIR...I'm going back to read it now.

And No on Prop 102 in Arizona:

http://votenoprop102.com/web/index.php

# 366 - I'm not sure I understand your point...that society wouldn't be capable of discerning that murder is bad without the help of religion, so we need religion to remind us that gay people shouldn't get married because it's bad for...who exactly?

Murder = death, loss, pain, destruction. Gay marriage = pissing off fundamentalist Christians. I really don't see how these things compare.

Like homosexuality, eating shellfish is also considered an abomination in the bible. Does this mean there is an absolute truth to seafood too?

okay, this: "The only opinion that counts is that of God. All else is foolish" ...is my favorite line so far.

I am so glad I read this..I have a 20 year old granddaughter who sounds just like you were...This gives me such hope that Kala may be alright someday...She is so confused I can hardly think of how to help her.. So now I think we should just let it all work out with time and life. I blog about the girls from time to tome and my heart is always heavy wondering if I'm too hard on them worrying about their future and Heather look where you are today... so....

From my heart to yours; thanks for sharing I feel such hope for my granddaughters now.. and...your

Being so brave and letting us have a glimpse into your past..and seeing this wonderful mom, friend and person and who she is now..

My very best to you...

Dorothy from grammology
http:grammology.com

While I often do not agree with you politically or religiously, I have not once belittled you or your beliefs on my blog or otherwise. The close-minded, intolerant attitude that you attribute to those of the Christian faith is, ironically, apparent in your own attitude towards Christians, implying that we are merely blind followers of a nonsensical faith--and in today's post you go so far as to imply that we are mentally ill! You can't seriously think that you are being "subtle" with a post such as this?! But of course you and some of your commenters will brush off comments like mine as "there's another one of those thin-skinned, projecting, Christians!" I have read your blog for years but for some reason you and Jon both recently have seemed to step up the level of Christian-bashing in your blogs. This is coming across as arrogance and it really is not a pleasure to visit your little corners of the universe no longer. So, sadly, it's now time to for me to say goodbye. I really enjoy your writing and can't count the number of times I've laughed out loud reading your blog. But I do not like the edge your writing has taken on lately. I apologize for my tone here, I really do wish you and your charming family the best, but life is short, bandwidth is cheap, so off I go to other blogs that will make me smile--but not at anyone else's expense.

~Suzanne

Hey there,

I'm a dem reluctantly voting for McCain. And I've had the pleasure of reading your political posts recently. Now the bells are going off. NO WONDER. I had NO IDEA that you were like this, and came from this background! Wow! Well you have turned into an impressive woman.

Well, as this relates to politics. I am trying to change the vote of most Obama supporters to McCain. It aint easy I might add. But I am trying. But you? With your background. You NEED to vote for Obama! Go Obama! After writing those crazy things about homosexuals to have become the woman you are today - well, you just rock.

All I could really think, was wow -- this is so well written compared to what I see people that age write today on their myspaces and facebook pages. ZOMGLOL!11! :)

I want to marry my dog, too!

I went to lunch with three co-workers and one of them proceeded to tell me that his CHURCH told him that if he wanted to vote AGAINST proposition 8, he should vote YES. He said that he was told there was some weird wording in the proposition and if you voted NO, you'd actually be voting FOR IT.

I said, "Your CHURCH told you this?! How IRONIC!"

Great topic. Love the comments. Too bad reading all of them only took up an hour of my day.

Couldn't agree more...the BYU flag raising is one of the creepiest things. Once while ignoring the people with their hands over their hearts, a friend said to me "Only us and the Russians do this." So then on top of feeling creepy, I felt guilty for laughing during the national anthem.

Nice shout out for Prop 8 as well. This is 100% a civil rights issue...keep up the good fight.

Hey Heather - good thing we get better with age, huh? I feel the same way. Funny you should bring it up - we had a Mormon couple drop by our neighborhood here in Southern California. They wanted a signature in support of "8". Like most religions, (I'm a recovering Catholic and I know they're pushing it too) I would guess they're heavily influenced by that whole non-profit, tax-exempt business potentially being placed in jeopardy. You know, when it hits the collection basket..... What's Christian about inequality? Nothing! I personally have strayed from organized religion because they want you to check your brain at the door and sit idly as they pass judgment on things "Christians" shouldn't be judging at all. Live and let live baby!

This post made me happy because it shows just how much people can change. You were never a "hate the gays" type but comparing your views in 1994 to your views now gives me hope that at some point, "gay" won't be a synonym for "stupid."

thaaaaaaat's pretty much amazing.

You're gonna marry your dogs? Are you sure you're not a Californian?

Hey - don't forget it's not just election season, it's National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Get your mammograms. Three generations of my family walked 60 miles to raise $14k to fight breast cancer - check it out:

ALBINO RAIN DROPS? LOLOL, I barely even understand the connection. You crack me up.

That was fantastic, thank you so much for sharing! When I look back on old poems and journal entries from middle to high school, I'm plagued with the most emotastic literature ever created. I was utterly depressing; its no wonder I didn't have any friends!

But that is the beauty of life, right? You live and grow and become something new and amazing. Personal change is so completely rewarding and, really, it saddens me when people don't embrace such growth.

I find it amazing that any person can go through such an awakening. Whether it be by questioning old beliefs or adopting completely new ones, by shaking off religion or finding a God of sorts.

You can only do what is right by you. And what you are doing? Well, I think its fantastic.

How did you come so far? Really, how does one change their opinion on SO MANY THINGS in such a short period of time? What caused your paradigm shift?

I have mormon neighbors that have a Yes On 8 sign in their yard and I think it really needs to be removed under the cover of darkness. I am hoping my NO ON 8 and Obama signs show up today! Thanks for this post, even if you had to humiliate yourself to make your point. Well done!

Thanks, Heather.

Enlightening. And good to know that just because adolescents think these things doesn't mean we can't win them back to the side of logic. Or at least Satan. ;)

I can't state my feelings and opinions on Prop 8 any better than my father did in an email exchange between the two of us. He has given me his permission to copy and paste his comments...

I am a Board-certified Obstetrician-Gynecologist, and I have done considerable research into the topic of homosexuality. I am also a faithful member of the Mormon church and have served as a Bishop. During that service I have dealt with a number of homosexual young people of both sexes. I have loved them dearly. Here are my comments:

It is false to claim that homosexuals are being denied "equal rights." The U.S. - and other governments - have accorded heterosexual marriage official recognition, approval, and legal benefits for one reason and one reason only: Heterosexual marriage has clearly demonstrated over millennia of human experience that it is a very positive institution conferring great advantages to society! Therefore governments enact laws and policies for the purpose of encouraging and supporting an institution that has proven its worth.

Homosexual coupling has in no way demonstrated this benefit to society. Not by a long shot. In other words, heterosexual marriage has earned it's place of prominence and acceptance in society. It has earned its rewards! Those who support homosexual marriage want the same societal recognition and rewards without ever having earned them! This is not equal treatment, this is discriminatory special treatment!

If homosexual couples wish to live together, fine. Let them do so for a few hundred years - a few generations of observation and societal experience and evaluation - and then let's talk about equal treatment! This is not an unrealistic demand. Heterosexual marriage displayed its advantages and benefits far longer than that before it was accorded legal governmental recognition and reward.

Homosexuality as a principle and practice offers absolutely no benefit or value to society. Note, this does not mean that there aren't fine, wonderful homosexual people out there. There most certainly are. But allow me to offer an analogy: I am a diabetic. I think I'm a reasonably good person in many ways. I didn't ask to be diabetic. And there is certainly a genetic component to my diabetes.

But I am honest enough to openly admit that diabetes itself offers nothing of value or benefit to society. It should not be celebrated or blithely accepted.

Likewise, homosexuality offers absolutely no value or benefit to society. It is a reproductive dead end. And there are voluminous studies that clearly demonstrate a large magnitude of societal ills and miseries trailing in the wake of homosexuality.

Major depression and suicide rates are significantly higher in a homosexual population. STD rates are significantly higher in homosexual populations. Reckless and high-risk behaviors of all kinds are significantly more common particularly in male homosexual populations. Sexual promiscuity is significantly more common among male homosexual populations. Drug abuse - especially methamphetamine abuse - is much more common among homosexual populations.

It's simply not a benign practice.

Many homosexuals claim that "God made me this way." If the inference is that homosexuality is genetically determined, my response is that there are NO reliable, quality scientific studies or evidence to support this. There simply isn't. Every claim to that effect is merely anecdotal.

Even if there were such evidence...

We know that alcoholism and diabetes have a strong genetic component - but we don't celebrate or support alcoholism or diabetes!

Plus, I'm old enough to remember the beginnings of the gay and lesbian movement. Initially their contention was, "Homosexuality is my choice. And my choice is just as valid as your choice!" That was their mantra.

But then an inconvenient thing happened: AIDS - which was first discovered in the gay population, and to this day remains much more prevalent in the gay population. Suddenly it was apparent to everyone that "their choice" wasn't all that valid after all.

But then, the mantra suddenly changed. It was only then that homosexual activists began to claim that homosexuality was biologically determined. How convenient.

And here's the other interesting aspect of it all: If homosexuality is biologically determined, then the obvious implication is that we should be able to find a biological or genetic cure! And we should be devoting research to correcting this genetic anomaly - because that's exactly what it would be classified as! We devote considerable resources to correct every other genetic anomaly we know of. But homosexuals are very resistant to any attempts to correct this condition.

So, they don't want it to be a choice anymore. They want it to be a genetic anomaly. But then they don't want society or medical science to make any efforts to correct the anomaly.

Let's apply some logic to this conundrum, again using my diabetes as an example: If I were to resist any and all efforts to find a permanent cure for diabetes, then it would be the equivalent of me choosing to be diabetic - and choosing to increase the risk of my posterity being diabetic.

So, bottom line: I have known and dearly loved a number of homosexual individuals. But I cannot support or champion the cause of accepting homosexuality. It is simply not a good thing.

Hey Heather. On the off chance that you read the 400-somethingth comment....

Just so you know, regarding your last graf, if we are being P.C., "homosexual" isn't really a word we're supposed to be using anymore. It's associated with when homosexuality was classified as a psychological disorder, and the appropriate term nowadays is ''gay."
(GLAAD media kit: http://www.glaad.org/media/guide/glossary.php)

*this moment has been brought to you by my PC-ier-than-thou J-school which frequently brings in LGBTQ experts to remind us of these facts.
Also, fabulous Rapunzel hair, and I have to mention, I covet your handwriting like the baddest little sinner around.

Hey Heather, We all say pretty dumb things when we are young and ignorant but most of us get there in the end. Not sure about you committing dogamy though!

Comment #28 Eouio, Your comment should embarrass you. It really reveals your ignorance. And, according to the last line of that comment, if homosexuals should have "equal rights to those suffering from a mental disorder," they would still have the right to marry. So I guess you're voting No on Prop 8, too? How liberal of you.

In defense of teenage you, you stuck by your friend, religious muddleheadedness be damned. If that's not a good person, I don't know what is.

Holy shit. You've changed.

Thanks be to God's university.

Number 431 says: "Major depression and suicide rates are significantly higher in a homosexual population. STD rates are significantly higher in homosexual populations. Reckless and high-risk behaviors of all kinds are significantly more common particularly in male homosexual populations..."

Uhhh...gee, it seems reasonable to me that if you belonged to a population that was regularly discrimination against, you'd be more likely to be depressed and suicidal, which often leads to reckless and high-risk behavior. Doesn't take a doctor to figure that out.

SCARY!

P.S. Heather, you rock my world.

Heather I feel like one of your family members, but I'm not a Mormon, just someone who believes that there is a God and the last thing I want to do is take him out of the equation. I feel like you are one of those people who is about to run into a mine field and despite the fact that everyone is shouting, "Heather, watch out!" You are too busy humming your own tune to listen. You laugh and wave and smile oblivious of the danger around you.

It hurts my heart because I love you and it hurts because I know in your heart of hearts you truly believe you are doing so much good.

I do, however, believe those journal entries are insane.

You seem to me to be just as self-righteous about your "evolved" self as you were as your "mormon" self. Instead of those gay people that you were looking down on, now you are looking down on mormons or other religious folk. It's easy to see that the same person who wrote those diaries at 19 is the same person who writes this blog today. You are someone who wants to excel in whatever you are into at the moment, whether it is in your mormonism or your modernism.

i am totally stealing from gr8prop8deb8.blogspot.com - these words were written by nate:

...just because a law promotes a view that is hostile to a particular point of view of a religion does not mean that it violates the principles of religious freedom. I, for one, freely admit that government tolerance of homosexuality and the sanctioning of same-sex relationships pose problems for the promotion of LDS doctrine. It becomes harder for a church to preach that a certain behavior is a sin when the state endorses that behavior. One can envision all sorts of practical problems from proselytizing to record keeping that the Church suffers because of same-sex marriage. However, these problems do not necessarily mean that religious freedom is implicated.

Yep, people voting on other people's civil rights is creepy (at the very least). Right now it might be those other people's civil rights hanging in the balance, but what if yours are next?

@127;

I don't believe this has to do with religion ruining her life as much as it does to do with her living this immense universal teenage ANGST ...

Get a grip, would you?

Heather, it's awesome. I love it.

The Crazy is there, no doubt, but so is the desperation to figure out a way to write it all down.

brava heather! we will all lose more than we know if this amendment passes.

Heather I love your blog. I'm a newish reader so perhaps you have already addressed this question but......What made you change so dramatically from the person you were who wrote those diary entries years ago?

Such an about face. ( for the better... Although just as passionate! )

I feel that you use your site as a form of therapy. After reading this post, I imagined myself in a chair nodding while you lay on a couch across from me.

Have you seen "Religulous" yet? It's terrifying and brilliant and will hopefully change minds on the importance/relavance/reality of the negative religious impact on our world.

Holy Shit...! I went to BYU (and hated every second of it) and was appalled by most people there. I remember that national anthem thing as being one of the creepiest things on a long list of creepy things about BYU. All the "sheeple" would just freeze in place and put their hands over their hearts, facing whatever direction they happened to stop. Oh man... I think my freshman year I was of a similar mindset, though (only because I had just been freshly released from under the iron thumb of my zealot parents). Since then I've been on my own journey of self discovery and I think you and I have come to some similar conclusions.

And I agree, No on 8!

Heather, you are incredibly brave and deserve unending praise for making that entry public. It's obvious you have evolved (!!) quite a lot since then. I'm not sure I would even have the guts to read over the tomes of embarrassment that must be my diaries from 20 or so years ago. We need more brave chickies like you that really set the bar and the spirit of sharing in our brave new 2.0 world!

I actually think the third entry is pretty nice. You were using your heart and mind and really *questioning* yourself and your biases and really trying to *understand* and not rely on the knee-jerk beliefs of your past. Dunno, think you're being a little hard on yourself. I like who you were in that one.

I (willingly) went to a McCain rally in 2000. It's good to know we are able to overcome our own stupidity.

Good for you for evolving as a person. I don't think your diary entries are insane. I think they show the mind of a person who was born and brought up in a restrictive, conservative religion and who was questioning what she had been taught. Your intelligence comes through the conservative blabber.

Oh Heather! I too have a journal that mortifies me! I have poems and journals all about God and Satan and how I know I am unworthy and a sinner and will I ever be forgiven in Gods eyes because I dry humped a boy?

Tell you what (and I'm sure you agree), the life of a heathen is so much simpler.

Thank you, Heather! You make me laugh and think all at the same time! *What a concept* Keep doing what you do.

So much to say, but we're on comment four-hundred-something already (and I've read them all!).

I must comment @ 431 - What an astonishing example of brainwashing masquerading as logic. Generations of brainwashing.

Frightening.

People. Please do better for your own children.

And bring on the puppy love. What the world needs now is love. And puppy breath.

Holy smokes! Heather, or Madonna?

"Nothing noble is done without risk" - Michel de Montaigne

Many years ago, I had a similar experience upon reading some things I had written as a dumbass redneck cracker. The racist, hateful, IGNORANT things I wrote shame me to this day. In a fit of deep disgust and embarrassment, I soaked all the pages I could find in a tub of water (to blur the ink)and then ripped up the sodden mess before throwing it away. I felt sick.

The upside of it all was the enlightenment I was blessed to receive: For too long, I had let other people do the thinking for me, I was too lazy to challenge them, and I didn't know I needed to challenge what I was told. It was a day that I woke up and started making decisions based on the evidence of my senses. The world was not what I was led to believe.

Once I determined to start thinking for myself, the world was BETTER than I previously believed. And I was no longer beholden to others for my beliefs.

That was some of the bravest writing I have read in a long time! The progression is there and it is a wonderful thing to realize that what you thought may not be true, BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE THOUGHT IT FOR YOU. To examine yourself, to criticize yourself, to not be afraid to acknowledge one's misconceptions, is a priceless part of being human.

Let me be the first to volunteer for Your Majesty's Royal Guards. Salud!

The worst thing for me about the Yes on Prop. 8 people are the ads that say "If this doesn't pass, YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE FORCED TO LEARN ABOUT GAY MARRIAGE IN SCHOOL." Give me a break. I can't stand it when people use "who will speak for the CHILDREN?" tactics. WTF? Did we ever learn about heterosexual marriage in elementary school? If so I guess I was absent that day. I would be happy if my children learned about all kinds of marriage in school. I live in CA and will vote NO ON PROP 8 all the way.

To comment number 431 - why don't you get a hobby?

Stop hating so much.

I don't look at your diary as embarrasing at all. I see the beginnings of change and reflection. People who didn't grow up the way you did may not realize how powerful the ideas of faith can be and how hard it is to change. You can't throw one idea out without it literally CHANGING YOUR WHOLE WORLD.

I grew up in a very fundamentalist Christian home. I went to college and took a mythology course. The course focused on creation myths of many religions. I remember thinking (of other stories) "How ridiculous! How could anyone actually believe that???" Then we studied the biblical creation story. Seeing it from another point of view, our story sounded pretty unbelievable too! What affected me even more though was that all the stories had SO MUCH in common. It made me re-think everything. How do I know that WE are right? What makes ME more right than THEM?? It blew my mind and changed my whole world. Your diary reminds me of myself.
Thanks!

You grow, girl!

Hey - you're wearing Levi button-fly 501's, right? So, it's really not so bad.

NOW THAT WE HAVE A "BLACK" MAN RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT AND A woman (yikes I hate to say she represents women) AS A VP CANDIDATE:

NEXT UP HOMOSEXUAL FOR PRES!

CELEBRATE THE DIVERSITY OF THIS GREAT LAND.

186 good points. I have a sister who is very religiously conservative and it is uncomfortable when the conversation gets around to how gays are not normal. But those are her feelings, don't step on mine. We agree to disagree and then talk about each other at home :)

Love to Heather, Jon, Leta, C & C

"real human moms and dads"

best line.

You've come a long way, baby!! Aren't old journal entries terrifying and delicious, shocking and um, well, shocking?! Your hair looks majestic on your shoulder, like the mane of a my little pony.

Gotta say, I'm a (practicing) Mormon and I would have been freaked out by your intense, judgmental bizarro-ness back then too. Those entries blow my mind just as much as they do you and everyone else here. I hope it goes without saying that those entries don't represent my Mormon view of the world or that of any of the Mormons I hang with.

Along with your handwriting as someone mentioned above. Your hair was indeed beyond. Beyond.

my country is also working on changing the law so that same-sex couples can have the same rights as opposite-sex ones. it's so silly-- i've lived with my partner for more than two years which makes us de-facto, but if he was another girl we would only be considered roommates. it's not even a case of being able to get married, but just equal rights for everyone, regardless of gender.

religion should have nothing to do with it. i'm sick of the way religious morality gets forced into the government! people should be able to marry who or whatever they want.

Thanks for leaving the link for prop 8!! I clicked in immediately and bought a bunch of stuff to wear and post! I get sick when I see parents driving their kids to school, my sons school, in cars with stickers saying Yes on Prop 8!
How bad is that??
Just listened to Julia Sweeney's audiobook "Letting go of God", by the way, on my way back from school, check that out! It is hillarious! LOL!
Thanks again Heather!
Now I can finally oppose!!

Freakin hilarious - why has no one mentioned the Barney valentine - that is so disturbing it hurts.
I have an 11 year old daughter and I want to remember this post for when she is annoying and thinks she knows it all..um yeah, like tonight.

Heather - it must have been the weight of the hair making you write that stuff. We all have diaries of boys and "he's the one" and tragic teenage shit.

Thankfully you have grown into a person in a time/space where there is adult shit to deal with.

heather, i'm sorry (but) i couldn't get through those entries. i skimmed. they made me cringe. for as well as you write now... well, saying what an improvement is an understatement. obviously. then again i'm not in the habit of reading teenage journals anymore. if i dug mine out i'm sure they'd make me cringe, too.

and i mailed my ballot this morning. i voted no on 8.

holy cow. lol! that was just way too much jesus for someone at that age. you must feel so liberated. my deepest thought in college was whether i could get away one more week without doing laundry.

De-lurking to say: oh my god, you are awesome. Awesome that you'd post your old journals and awesome that you're standing up for gay marriage. I absolutely love your writing. Thanks for putting yourself, and your life, out there. You are a true inspiration. Cheers!

Albino Raindrops = band name.

OMG Heather. Seriously, you want to marry your dogs? This reminds me of a time when we were in Utah, and my mother (thoroughly non-religious) was sort of starting to groove on the whole Mormon thing. Then, she read that bit about the eternity-with-your-family thing and was like, HELL no, I don't want to spend eternity with these people. So, consider carefully--do you really want to marry YOUR dogs? Maybe Chuck, but Coco? Surely we can find better dogs for you to marry.

I'm gay, and I was in Hawaii for the first gay marriage debate and defeat, and remember vividly the "marry your dog" commercial they had. People, please, you don't understand the issue. We want to marry the loves of our lives, the same-sex adult human that we love. Then, of course, we merely CHEAT on our same-sex partners by FORNICATING with the dogs.

The way I see it, a large part of the debate around gay marriage stems from a semantic issue. What most people don't realize is that the word "marriage" actually refers to two separate and different things. The first is a legal status that extends various legal and official rights to the people involved (including tax breaks, next-of-kin designation, etc.). The second is a religious status bestowed at the sole discretion of a religious institution. The two often go hand-in-hand, but should not, as a matter of policy, have anything to do with one another - a marriage can have the blessing of a church and not the state, or may be recognized by the state but not a religious community.

Until we have separate terms for these separate things, we will continue to have this problem. Just call ALL legal unions "civil unions," and leave marriage to the churches.

That said, I am firmly anti-Prop 8. As long as "marriage" continues to be a legal term, it should be available equally to all.

Hi Heather!
Glad to hear you're as mortified as I was when I got my publishers copy of "Cringe." The scary thing? I didn't even submit some of my worst stuff, because I figured it would be too horrible for the book... I should have just submitted the stuff. It's kind of freeing seeing the Crazy (yeah...me too) in print.
Erinn

Hey, Heather. 'Just wanted to say thank you for posting a link to the No on 8 website.

As an out lesbian who is working hard for this cause, I can't thank you enough for the support.

Heather, in case you didn't notice, that journal entry your teenage self wrote about gay folks was all about how GAY FOLKS ARE PEOPLE. Which was something someone needed to tell a whole lot of the Christians my queermo self knew when I was growin' up. Stop beating up teenage Heather and start being proud that she grew into such a kickass woman and hope that you set a good example for some of the more prejudiced people you knew back in the Mormon day. Oh, and the Heather B. Armstrong (err, Hamilton, then) talent with words is apparent even in these old entries--my journals were never so cleverly playful.

Wow Heather - do you actually read all of the comments for your journal entries? You have TONS ! Anyway, I was a Mormon convert at the age of 19 years old, finding myself sucked in to the teachings of the church as a chance to 'mend' my ways as a Gay teenage boy. Talk about someone that really burned with a belly full of supposed testimony for the prophet (read: profit) Joseph Smith and all of the bullshit that he made up for his followers. WOW. I went on a church-sponsered mission over to Spain for 18 months ( I escaped the two year stint as they had modifed how long the mishies had to stay out in the field for a few years down to 18 months instead of a full 2 years for some unknown reason thank god...) and as a good little missionary I faithfully kept a journal for that entire mission from hell. Talk about one screwed up Gay boy trying to escape my sordid Homo past by trying to be a good Mormon soldier of God. Oy-freakin' vey. I wish I could share some of my own journal entries with you because they are filled with my longing to squash my homosexual feelings and constantly writing about how I was certain that God would/could/should be able to change the way that I thought and felt about another man emotionally and physically. Dear God, the bitter angst of having to spend 24 hours a day in the company of another young 18-19 year old virile, hormone bursting man just had me tied up in knots ! It is interesting to watch the progression in my thinking as the mission wore on and how my first entries had me all fired up to do the Lards work and save all of those Spaniard Catholic heathens and convert them over to the Lards one and only true church, and then in the last 50 or so pages my entries began to show that I was so OVER the lying and self hatred that I had for myself because I was beginning to understand that I was not broken or wrong for the Gay thoughts and feelings that I was experiencing and that by God I was ready to break down the closet door and come out in a big way as soon as I got home from my mission. Which I did do thank you very much. My Young adult ward Bishop called me one of the son's of perdition when I told him that I am Gay and want to be ex'd out of the church. It's really too bad that the Mormons and a lot of other religions on this planet go out of their way to make Gay men and women (or Transgendered, etc, etc) feel such self hatred and shame just for being who we are. So very sad really.

I have been reading your journal for a few years now and have never commented before, but I thought that it was time to come out of lurk mode and actually add my own two cents worth in your comments section for once. Keep up the great writing sweetie - you have a wonderful gift and it's just great that you so openly share your life with all of us out here in internet land.

Cheers my lovely Lady !

- John in Phoenix

Hey RJ - thanks for the rebound :). I was hoping someone would respond but with 99% of the posts being (deserved) worship of heather's awesomeness it's kind of hard to have discourse.

Good point... It is silly to say that marriage is simply based on procreation. It's funny because my own beliefs on marriage wouldn't support my point at all! It's a completely different discussion though, which i'd love to have by the way. My point, i think, was just from the perspective of a disconnected observer trying to weigh the option of whether or not to allow same sex marriage. Obviously there will be same sex unions regardless of "authority's" position, however to legally allow marriages would, i assume, increase the number of same sex partnerships and therefore decrease the rate of evolution and procreation.

It's a ridiculous argument and i'm seriously laughing as i follow it through because there's so many points that can be discussed. I just threw it out there because i can almost never let it go when someone says -this is the way it is, PERIOD.- Nothing save gravity is absolute, and we'll see what the hadron collider has to say about that shit.

You totally looked like the chick from Nick and Nora!! Very pretty!

I'm so happy you've changed over the years. It takes balls to post old diary entries like that. What a beautiful head of hair you had.

friggin' high-lar-i-us.
you rock, heather.
can't wait to read your writing in 30 years..

Dear Heather,

I too, would like to marry both of your dogs.

Love,

A loyal reader

omgmarya i wanna marry ya.

Heather,

I remember these same thoughts in my own past-adolescent-evangelical-BYU life. The only reason I don't have to endure my own words is my laziness on the whole "write stuff down" dimension.

Thanks for your courage to post these excerpts. While I can't agree with the past me on these same issues, I can accept the past me a bit more with your example.

Thanks

I'm not sure if I would call what you wrote crazy..or rather what your state of mind was.

I would call it more brain washing.

From someone who knows.

Hi Heather,

I wanted to take a quick moment to thank you for your writings. I began reading 3 years ago purely for entertainment, and boy oh boy did you deliver! But I have come to appreciate your site for more than your crafty writing style.

My back ground is in Political Science and something wonderful happens on your site when you touch on certain topics. Discourse. One of the fundamentals of a functioning democracy that has a population that is evolving and growing is discourse.

I am not commenting in order to jump into the debate, rather to congratulate you on your ability to bring people together and afford them the opportunity to disagree.

It is not easy to do. Comments and attacks areoften hard on you personally as you have shared in the past. So I offer Kudos to you the 'Utah Princess', and please know some of us really value the forum you have provided.

SWEET JESUS!
But your hair looks great.

Nancy
(formerly of Idaho, now the free state of IOWA)

that is so brave. i love the crystal gayle hair.

Being gay isn't a choice. People are born gay or straight, as they're born with blue or brown eyes. It's not a "lifestyle choice" any more than heterosexuality is. I'm just sayin'.

In response to Logan and Logan's dad: (Assuming they weren't simply being sarcastic. Can someone with a PhD really be this ignorant?)

"Heterosexual marriage has clearly demonstrated over millennia of human experience that it is a very positive institution conferring great advantages to society!" Really? So heterosexual marriages are nothing but wonderful? With 55-hour long marriages, the sky-high divorce rate, infidelity, and spousal abuse? Those are some damn fine contributions! (Notice I didn't say that none of these things can happen in homosexual relationships. I'm sure that they do. But that's exactly my point: neither type of relationship is superior to the other.)

"Likewise, homosexuality offers absolutely no value or benefit to society." Gee, and here I thought that two people loving and caring for each other was invaluable. Oh wait, that's just another way of saying that people who can't reproduce shouldn't be allowed to get married. Very clever.

"Those who support homosexual marriage want the same societal recognition and rewards without ever having earned them!" So did people that supported African-American rights. Black people were brought into this country as slaves. They did not have time to "earn their place" in this society. But they didn't need to! They were human beings, and that was enough. Do you think *they* should have taken the time to earn their rights, too?

"Therefore governments enact laws and policies for the purpose of encouraging and supporting an institution that has proven its worth." As I stated above, the institution of heterosexual marriage is in shambles. So does that mean the government is going to stop making laws and policies (or revoke them altogether)that support heterosexual marriage?

"It is a reproductive dead end." Guess what? So am I. I *may* be able to have children with the help of extensive reproductive treatments. Yet my marriage license is proudly displayed on my wall and I am fully covered under my spouse's health insurance.

"Major depression and suicide rates are significantly higher in a homosexual population." I don't even have my Associate's Degree yet and even I can figure this one out. Homosexuals are tired of all the bullshit that they have to put up with while living in a society full of people like Logan and Logan's dad.

"If I were to resist any and all efforts to find a permanent cure for diabetes, then it would be the equivalent of me choosing to be diabetic - and choosing to increase the risk of my posterity being diabetic." Your point is...? Believe it or not, some people in this world do have diseases and, for whatever reason, choose not to treat them. Others may think this choice is foolish, but the people are not discriminated against in any way. By itself your analogy makes sense, but not in this context.

"I have known and dearly loved a number of homosexual individuals. But I cannot support or champion the cause of accepting homosexuality. It is simply not a good thing." I think that statements like this irritate me even more than the outright anti-gay statements. I believe that this statement is a lie: a futile attempt to somewhat pacify gay supporters. (A little guilt creeping in maybe?) Either that, or people who say this must hide their true feelings while in front of these gay friends.

I am simply blown away. And that doesn't happen often.

Ya done gone and growed up, well... good on you! I can't tell you how much I look forward to the glimpsy into The Crazy, it's hysterical. We're all so damn full of ourselves aren't we? Thanks for sharing you, your pictures, your dog, yo flavah. Hey, you pretty much pimp yourself out don't ya, Ok, you're a ho. ;)

I don't know if it's as black and white as religion being the only thing that condemns gay marriage. My parents are atheists--always were, growing up without a religion--but they're homophobic. I personally can't understand their point of view because it lacks an argument, and because i'm a vocal ally. They just say it's "unnatural" and "abnormal." And i just yell back that there is no such thing as "normal." Yep, we don't get too far.

There is no need for face punching. You reflect very much how I was raised, how many of my closest friends were raised, and yet we have crossed over to the realm where we're explaining to our parents that electing Obama will NOT incur God's wrath.

Lets both wish each other patience.

Dude. Your hair lives on in legend. It's like a living breathing creature there. BEHOLD IT. It looks in to my very soul.

Also... I have a diary from around the 5th grade that is priceless. One entry basically says "Well, it's been nice knowing you all. I am pretty sure I have leukemia and probably will not live through the night." Then on the very next page it says something like "Bobby likes me. I am really really glad!" And the next page? Something like... "I wonder what would happen if I shoved a peanut all the way up my nose and left it there for a few months?" So yeah.... it's a wonder I did not drown in the shower before I hit the 7th grade. I will have to dig that thing out of my parents basement the next time we visit and post a few of the more choice entries on my blog. Thanks for the inspiration.

My god, your neat ass handwriting. Are you the valedictorian of everything?

Heather,

Beyond the crazy diary entries circa 1994 there is something else about you I find terribly interesting. I am dying to know what the trigger was that made you re-evaluate all of your fundamental beliefs. These two people are extremely different and that process of "unlearning" must have been intense.

I am a gay male (20 from Mass) who was raised in a southern baptist family. The pastor of our church was there when I was born. As a kid I stamped tracks (sp?) to be delivered to peoples front doors. When I was 14 my parents found out that I was gay. They, as a last resort, sat me down with pastor. In the front pew of our church he told me I was going through a terrible phase that all men go through (really?) and that I had to make the right decision or burn in hell.

That was when my unlearning began.

Thanks for the post.

because, oh, I WAS INSANE?

hahahhaa I completely LOLed and I'm not much of an LOLer. Good stuff.

Thank you so much for linking to No on 8. Many right-wing religious organizations (including the Mormon Church) are pouring tons of money into California to air ads of outright LIES: 1. "They'll be teaching sex to kindergarteners" (--just plain gross,) 2. "Churches will lose their non-profit status" - Churches don't have to perform gay marriages--that is protected by Freedom of Religion. (If one could recall the separation of Church & State, that would be obvious.)

If you're torn on this issue, consider what exactly you think marriage is about. If "Marriage is about money," then should Brittney Spears' ex- get half for the drive-thru wedding she had in Vegas, when they were married for a couple of days? If "Marriage is about reproducing", then should sterile heterosexual couples be permitted to marry? How about older straight couples? How about, "Marriage is about social stability." If you deny gays & lesbians the right to marry the loves of their lives, should they each be able to marry a person of the opposite sex just for health insurance, etc? (I.e., a gay man marries a lesbian woman?) Isn't marriage about two people who love each other, respect each other, and will cherish each other, so long as they both shall live?

They are outspending 10-to-1 on these ads to deny people a right already granted by the Courts. And in 1967, 80% of the population were opposed to interracial marriage, when the Supreme Court handed down their decision making "mixed marriage" legal. It's as simple as that. "You can ride on the bus, you just have to sit in the back" just doesn't cut it anymore.

Love will find a way.

Yeah, taking a moment to feel moved by God and Country - HOW HUMILIATING! Good thing you're over all that nonsense and SO much smarter now.

But the real question is: Why am I still reading your blog??

It's been done : getmortified.com. Try to see a show some time. You will laugh until you cry.

And as for the gay issue, prop 8, their rights... I'm not against gay's having their rights--I'm against them taking away mine. Once gay marriage is accepted, then guess what? My kindergartner will be read books promoting homosexual unions (it's already happening). And when he comes home and asks me about it, what am I supposed to do? Have the sex talk with a five year old?
And then the gays will demand that any religion that preaches against their lifestyle lose their tax exempt status (again already happening). So basically, I don't get to respectfully disagree with their life choices. I DON'T have a choice or chance to make up my own mind.
And the next step? Gender neutrality? No boy/girl bathrooms and locker rooms because it's discriminatory to make someone identify with one gender or the other?

It's not about a person making a choice, on their own, to pursue a certain lifestyle. It's about them forcing that lifestyle onto me and my family. And it's about everyone who agrees with the movement automatically discounting any other opinion as completely backward and insane without considering it. Without looking at the last 2,500 years of civilization.

So be it. The movement may have gone too far to be stopped anyway. But the problem is this generation is not going to suffer for these decisions. It's our children taht will pay for it. But what do I know? I still believe in insane things like the constitution and God and backward ideas like that.

Logan - we don't think you are brainwashed. We feel that your data is insufficient to reach the conclusion put forth.
Heterosexualtiy, especially MALE heterosexuals, have done SO much for society - war, rape, slavery, shall I go on? Both sides have their share of issues. But we are all equal in God's eyes are we not? In MY God's eyes, we are all welcome here.

Okay - radical change in attitude, how did that come about - what "opened your eyes" so to speak. But more importantly, WHOA you could write. My diaries were crazy jumbling thoughts that mostly read like a kids story book (yes, even in my early teens) - "Today we went shopping. I bought a new skirt and a story book." *shudders*

Whooo! Do I recognize these diary entries! It's time to go home to do some burnin'... You're a braver woman than I will ever be. Great to know I am not the only one with a stash of these kinds of entries lying in the back of some forgotten closet. "God's University" LOL!

When you guys say marriage is a religious institution which religion are you talking about?
I do hope people realize that there are other religions apart from Christianity.

I know you were making a point, but you took it too far. Marrying Chuck, fine, but there's no way to make me believe you'd marry Coco too.

Heather
I appreciate your ability to change your thinking since you made those entries. I am a gay man, who just came out, after being married. I recently spoke with a friend who is Mormon who asked me why I made the choice to be gay. I was floored. I cannot believe that someone would believe that someone would make this choice to be judged for wanting to love someone. It's not about the sex. Promiscuity is not solely related to homosexuals or heterosexuals.
Unfortunately, religious beliefs like that are what is pushing my generation away from being loyal to churches. When you are brain-washing your followers (or teaching the wrong thing) you are only hurting the society you are hoping to improve.
Thanks for sharing... very brave!

There has to be bad poetry, please tell me you wrote bad poetry too! I wonder if you are going to look over your blog 20 years from now and be mortified also at what you wrote.

First of all Heather, I WOULD FRENCH KISS SATAN HIMSELF FOR YOUR HAIR IN THAT PICTURE. Seriously.

Secondly, what I HONESTLY got from this post was a sense of relief (?)... no, maybe hope. I mean, you were truly brainwashed, in much the same way people in cults are brainwashed. You were not given the chance to think independently or formulate your own ideas, you were just force-fed a religious mantra from the day you were born. I personally think that is bordering on criminal. But there, in your teenage angst, was the REAL you. The one questioning, wondering, wanting to have an alternative answer to the things you were experiencing.

If someone THAT indoctrinated into a religion could turn out to be someone like you are today, then I have real hope that maybe others will break out of that trap as well!

God, that sounded sanctimonious! Here's the gist of it: YOU RAWK, and you were THE CRAZY, but your super cool inner beyotch won the war. Makes me love ya even more.

I dunno, you sounded then like an interesting, growing person burdened by your upbringing's prejudices but coping. Wonderful that you managed to finally break free but it was inevitable, strong and honest as you are. Awesome hair too.

Love Dooce, and you can't marry Chuck because he's promised to ME!

Well, I was going to post something about the illiteracy of the ones who talked about Islamism growing on Europe (as a straight catholic European I have to say, "please commenter nº224 and 356, read something other than American newspapers before making idiotic comments about something you clearly don't know anything about”, gosh, ignorance is clearly the worst evil...), but then I read comment nº 571 and was completely WOW! WTF?!?!?!?!? (Excessive use of signals needed)

My God, are you for real? Do you honestly believe that homosexuality is something "invented" in the 60's? For God sake, America didn't exist and already the gays and straights lived together! In the Roman and Greek empires there was no distinction between gays and straights and their rights.

And you are condemning the equality of civil rights because of the possibility of loss of Tax exemption? Seriously! Or because, God forbid, your kid is exposed to different views than yours? So what if he comes home and asks about sex? Do like all the other parents, give him a cookie and stall the conversation until never.

You scare me! You being a generalization of those who hide behind religion, governments and common phrases to masquerade your lack of knowledge, and support whatever side you think is going to be the least disruptive of your narrow-minded lives. Then, when things go wrong you can say things like, "it wasn't my fault! I was just following orders!”, and go forward living self-righteously.

Man, I needed to get this out of my heart. That post was the worst... SCARY

Thanks Heather!

I think #112 sums it up nicely:

I don't think the world's biggest problem is two people who love each other so much that they want to spend the rest of their lives together.

Amen and Amen.

Oh, my. I am so thankful, over and over again, that my parents were who they were. They drove me every Sunday to the church of my choice. Babtist, Catholic, Morman, Jewish, Unitarian, etc. etc. A friend would invite me and my fantastic parents would drop me off and pick me up when it was over. They never attempted to decide for me what I should believe. They were so open and encouraging to let me decide. They never went to church themselves. I cannot tell you how my life is so "stress" free of any of the satan and sin bull of most others. I decide for myself to beleive that there is a higher conciesness, not in the normal religious forms of the formed religions. God........I was a lucky child.

Heather, thanks for sharing such cringe-worthy matieral. I've got my own collection of crazy writing and nothing short of torture would get me to post it on the internet.

I'd love it if you would delve more into how that girl became the person you are today. How on earth did you abandon such a strong belief system entirely? What drove you to do it? I'm very curious how someone does such a 180 when it comes to their religion. I know you've posted bits and pieces about in the past, but a post devoted to the transformation would be fascinating.

Can I just say that some Christians do support the rights of homosexuals. In fact, some Christians believe that because God created all humanity, we have a duty to respect and love them, even if we don't agree with their actions. Some Christians even do acknowledge that some people are born homesexuals, and cannot help that, and that God's okay with that.

The fundamentalism of the Bible Belt does NOT represent worldwide Christian beliefs. Christians are supposed to love, respect, and seek justice for all human beings.

Please forgive us for our mistakes.

haha. I have a bunch of old journals from high school I'd be mortified to read. After being done with the notebook ones, I used to use my geocities site as a sort of blog back in the day. I tried to find it recently, but apparently they got rid of it; it's probably just as well.
The notebook journals are in storage and have been for years--I haven't even looked at them since probably graduation 6 years ago, and I'm sort of scared to do so again.