Mortified
Last week I received my contributor's copy of Cringe: Teenage Diaries, Journals, Notes, Letters, Poems, and Abandoned Rock Operas. My friend, Sarah, put together this compilation of real teenage diary and journal entries, and it is screamingly funny in an OH MY GOD WHY DID NO ONE PUNCH ME IN THE FACE kind of way.
The entry I submitted is from the diary I kept during my freshman year in college, the year before I started taking meds for The Crazy, and there were so many choice excerpts that I had a hard time deciding which one was the most humiliating. Take for instance this entry from February 11, 1994:
It reads:
Ryan called the other night. I sent him a barney valentine card. Satan does live. He gets his vitality in Ryan. Satan himself called at the most vulnerable point of my entire semester yet. And how did Heather do? But of course she prattled to the tyranny of Satan and his servants. Without going into detail, I'll just relate what I've learned: I need to justify myself to no one except me and my Heavenly Father. No one else. The only opinion that counts is that of God. All else is foolish. And Ryan/Satan is just that.
Ryan/Satan was my boyfriend in high school, the first boyfriend I ever had, who broke up with me after three months because, oh, I WAS INSANE? I think he was calling me when I was in college to see if maybe I had grown any alien appendages, like a tree trunk jutting out from my brain, because certainly that was inevitable.
Then there's this one from February 8, 1994:
It reads:
Tuesday afternoon. But not by much. 12:38pm. I have a few before my daily carnal indulgence — Guiding Light. I think the weather has a lot to do with these complacent feelings I'm experiencing. Is it snow or just albino raindrops? Can't tell. Okay, about yesterday. First off, I was walking to the computer lab at about 7:30am yesterday when *bum ba bum* the National Anthem began to resound across campus and the flag began to ascend its pole. I was walking with my head down and happened to look up. There were about 20 people out there on the quad that early. Every single one of them stopped dead in his tracks, placed his hand over his heart, faced the flag, and contributed to the silence of the moment. It was a goose-bumping experience — one I could experience no place else. Saluting God's country at God's University. Brother Hedengren was discussing the source of "numerous perceptions" in Phil 110. Do we experience these warm fuzzy sensations from God, from Satan, or from ourselves? He then related the story of his nine year old daughter bearing her testimony of Heavenly Father. She lost her rabbit and after a few weeks of fervent prayer, a kid in her class at school showed up with a rabbit he had found for show-and-tell. Her rabbit, no doubt. God lives.
HOLY CRAP. Saluting God's country at God's university. If that isn't the creepiest thing I've ever written, right after ALBINO RAINDROPS.
Finally, the one I am most embarrassed over, from February 3, 1994 (that was a particularly bad month for The Crazy):
9:24am Thursday morning. Ooh yeah. I can feel the latent fatigue so eager to rack my body. Calculus is in a half-hour and since I don't know how to use the table of integrals, I'm not going to waste my time nor my paper. I got about four-five hours of sleep last night — after seeing a movie like that sleep doesn't come easy. Philadelphia. Homosexuality and aids. Poignant film, must say. Made me reconsider some of my hard-core conservative bias. These homosexuals with aids — yes, they choose the lifestyle, but not the disease. They, too, are human beings with real human emotion and real human moms and dads. One could say, and I probably would have also, that in choosing the lifestyle they choose the disease. But many of them do not have the protective agent of the gospel in their lives. Many of them genuinely don't know that it's wrong. How can justice be accounted for in these cases? These people are suffering for their wrong choices, but what if in the first case they don't know that it's wrong? How does anyone who is not homosexual know that homosexuals choose to have those tendencies? Yes, it is true that homosexuals can choose not to act on those feelings, but how can they choose the right of a situation they don't know implicates wrong? Homosexuality isn't any worse than blatant fornication, is it? Just because heterosexuality is "natural" doesn't mean that heterosexual promiscuity is justified. Both cases seem equally wrong to me. Karen is coming to Utah on the 28th of this month to stay for a week. I really love Karen. She has been one of my greatest friends. It would hurt me if she was hurt. So many wonder how I can embrace the gospel and return her friendship at the same time. Exactly the way I return all of my other friendships -- cliche, I know, but love the friend, not the sin. If we persecute homosexuals, we are Satan's tools.
No, really. SOMEONE HIT HER. I cannot believe that I actually wrote such bullshit, and this should prove that whenever I make fun of Mormons, I'm just making fun of the Mormon that I was, the ignorant, intolerant, pig-headed adolescent who needed a big one up her pooper.
And because I feel so bad about who that person was, I'm just going to go ahead and link to No on Prop 8. Gay marriage has become such an important issue to me, as it should be an important issue to everyone. It's a civil rights issue, period. And the only reason anyone wants to deny homosexuals equal rights is a religious one. PERIOD. Your God says it's a bad thing. But what if my God disagrees? If you take religion out of the equation, THERE IS NO ISSUE. And don't even get me started on the slippery slope end of the argument, because you know the only reason I'm writing this is because I want to legally marry my dogs. Both of them.
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
602. Spain said:
That's it, it's final. I'm naming my strap-on Satan's Tool. Thanks for that. Go gays!
603. Anonymous said:
"Homosexuals should certainly have rights equal to any other human suffering from a mental disorder." (from comment #28)
Without getting into how unbelievably fucking offensive that comment is, I'm going to pretend to agree with you that homosexuality is a mental disorder.
Because if it were (again, just pretending to believe that for the sake of my argument), then gay people should be protected by disability laws (which protect people with mental illnesses), and there's no law anywhere in the country that forbids people with mental disorders from marrying.
Therefore, you just argued your way right into legalizing gay marriage.
604. Morticia328 said:
I love the albino raindrops!
Thanks!
605. Tek said:
I wish I had kept my journals from 12-16. I burned them trying to get rid of my own version of THE CRAZY.
Also from the previous conversation over Cocoa Pebbles, Leta has you ranked appropriately don't you think? First you are MOM, THEN, Heather and only after that are you Daddy's wife. but in official correspondance you are totally Daddy's Wife
606. Anonymous said:
I can't read through all of your hateful comments - from both sides. I tried, but was starting to get depressed.
Anyway, what is apparent most to me is not your views and if you are right or wrong, but the fact that we evolve over time as people. What is so important to us 10 years ago will not seem so dire and critical in 10 years. Our lives change, our surroundings change, our experiences change and so we change. I wonder if, in 10 years, you might think you are full of shit sometimes on this very blog? My guess is you will.
Evolution. Maturity. Tolerance. Patience. Whatever you call it, it would help make the world a better place if we all had a little more of it.
607. Jo said:
Wow.
Just ... wow.
I didn't really keep a diary in college, but my junior high and high school journals are pretty depressing. They're all about the crush on the boy (who knew about the crush and was pretty nice about it, which is actually worse than if he didn't know I was alive) and blah, blah blah.
The elementary school diary is all about how I was going to grow up and marry Jonathan Knight. Hasn't happened yet, but he's single and I'm going to a New Kids concert in a few weeks ....
Thanks for posting your old entries, Heather. The post and the comments were quite interesting.
608. Lori said:
That last entry showed definite signs that you were starting to escape from the clutches of your religious upbringing.
I was raised Catholic and, I recall like it was yesterday, Sister Mary Valerie, standing at the front of our grade 4 class, explaining Limbo. Babies, she explained, who die before they are baptized, go to Limbo where they remain for eternity, never seeing the face of God.
I'm from a large family which gave me a highly developed sense of what's fair and I knew with certainty that this was most definitely unfair. How could God think that this was the way to go? Clearly, God was having nothing to do with this twisted plan.
And so began my own personal journey along the long and winding road that led me out of organized religion. (I realize that Limbo is no longer part of the church's teachings.)
609. Anonymous said:
I don't understand how people who live in Europe can deny the fact that Islam is growing faster than the population. This is straight fact, and taken from many different news sources. I don't care if Islam is bad or good, right or wrong, but it is growing while Christianity is shrinking.
And regardless of your thoughts on that topic, the point was that people who want religion to influence law only want religion to influence law when it's THEIR religion. If it were not, then they would seek the protections of the Constitution that they are trying to undo.
610. kim said:
Heather, I have to say that I actually wasn't frightened at all by that last entry. Maybe other people have already said this (don't have time to read all 600 comments), but I found it very noble and compassionate of you that despite your upbringing, you were still able to love your homosexual friends even though so many in your church were persecuting them.
You're hair, on the other hand--a little frightening! :)
611. Haley said:
Reading your journal entries made me think of my dear friend who turn to the dark side. She was normal. She was funny, and smart, and very artistic. The talents she had were beyond average, she had so much potential and so many different options in life. Somewhere along growing up, at sometime I cannot pin point, my best and longest friendship disappeared to the dark side. She started chastising her friends and loved ones for their choices, she started attempting religious interventions, (1st practicing of course on our more feeble minded friends) and she stopped being someone I considered sane! I, to this day, would do anything (well not annnything, I am not going to drink Kool-Aid and try to catch the tail of HaleBop comet, I am not going to believe that highway tolls can be paid for by Jesus!) for her if she were in need of help, but as far as I was ever concerned she went crazy. People would say oh Laurie was "saved" or she got serious into her relationship with God. I would say Laurie went crazy, or shut the fuck up you can't date Jesus no matter how hard you try HE IS DEAD! I got a lot of negative feedback for being so loud about my opinion of my once best friend. But really when it came down to it I loved her and was truly scarred for her and still am. Her birthday was last week and more than anything I wanted to call and see if she was ok, to see if maybe she had snapped out of it, or if maybe she had realized the insanity or her judging and self righteous behavior?
I didn't call, but I do still wish more frequently then necessary that I could one day get my childhood friend back, that one day she would be like you,(me)and we would be able to laugh at her silly/crazy thoughts and beliefs of her past!
612. Maggie said:
Omigod Heather, loved the post. I've been a 'lurker' of yours for awhile now and this entry finally made me post a comment. I know exactly what you mean when you say the reason you poke so much fun at Mormons is because you used to be that twisted yourself. I was the SAME WAY (not Mormon, but a holier-than-thou Methodist).
I LOVE your blog and read it every day.
613. Sarah said:
I had to pull out my old journals and they were much of the same. The hate we breed in America is disgusting. My beliefs differ from yours and my neighbors are different than any of ours and that is the beauty of it and we all have that right. We cannot force anyone to live by our standards.
Here is my power thought for you. If gay marriage takes away something from the sanctity of marriage then what does cheating do? I was married to a man who had 9 affairs including hookers. Tell me what THAT does to the sanctity of marriage? Or what about that husband who is also screwing his 7-year-old daughter? MMMhhhmmmm....doesn't do so much for the sanctity of marriage either.
Talk amongst yourselves.
614. Anonymous said:
First of all why would a "friend" showcase this vulnerablilty? I can now see some of the reasons that you
react the way you do to certain issues. It is hard to believe that you could have attained 18 years of age and still bought in to the cult-like Mormon theology. Very sad..
Now you seem to be over the top liberal no matter what the consequences. Moderation in all things comes with age and having the ability to see things as they really are. Your generation hasn't mastered that yet--it will take a while for all this left leaning naivete to resolve. I'll bet your parents are lovely people, not the kooks you portray in your writing. I only hope that your poetic license is just that--can't believe your daughter, your husband, your family is all that extreme about everything! You have a gift for comic narrative. I enjoy it and get it as a performance, but hope you are not really the person that you would like the reader to think that you are.
615. Melissa said:
My teenage diaries are cringe worthy too. I have an etire entry dedicated to my unrequited love for some boy that after pages and pages of lament I then dismiss by saying "but I'd give it all up for C Thomas Howell". Don't beat yourself up.
I've been reading your blog for um..maybe 2 years or so, but I'd love to hear more about the journey that took you from that to this. What was the turning point?
616. Lauren M. said:
As I read those journal entries all I could think about was your hair in that picture! So beautiful! And really, I wouldn't beat yourself up too much. We were all young once. Think about it this way...you grew up and became a mature, tolerant woman. You did just fine.
617. Bulldog said:
Wow! This site really IS the "Church of Heather."
618. Res said:
Wow - you inspired me to go through my own journals. I was up until 3:00 in the morning last night reading them. I too am a "recovering" mormon and damn proud of it - but it sure makes my journal entries interesting to read!
Thanks for the trip down memory lane!
619. nina said:
First - Must dig out journals and burn them. (I've been thinking this for a while, but as my daughter gets closer to reading age - she's 10 mos younger than Leta- I really have to. No use handing her a bunch of ammo for her inevitable teenage rebellion.)
Second - though I doubt folks are getting to post 619- The separation of church and state already gives the government the right to decide what marriage is, without impinging on religions view of what marriage is. To wit: My folks were married at City Hall, so were my sister and her husband. Can't think of a church that would call that married - since they weren't married in a church. So to some, they are only co-habitating - and thus sinning. To the government - they can file jointly, get access to the other's doctors in times of emergency and inherit w/out being named in a will. Render unto Caesar.
Giving folks the governmental right to marry who they want, and to be married by whom they choose, will not necessarily marry them in they eyes of God. Those ministers/rabbis etc, who choose to perform such marriages will face their just desserts when God decides... not us. Let everyone take their chances... or so I think.
Peace upon you.
620. Tara said:
You've come a long way, Baby.
Haven't we all, and thank goodness for that.
621. Anonymous said:
You say you're embarrassed at how intolerant you were, but at least you weren't all, "God hates gays." :)
622. Liz said:
I understand that everyone has different views and opinions. We live in America, and that is our freedom, so I will not abuse you for those views, or call you ignorant, or other such names that are not kind. But I would like to mention, that as a Catholic that reads Heather's website, sometimes I feel that the Christians are looked upon as ignorant, stupid, hateful, and whatever other attributes you and the readers give them. Becoming that person makes you no better than the people who are "hateful" towards homosexuals. You're hateful to someone based on their beliefs. Why is it right for you, but not right for others? You can express your views without telling others that they are idiots. And by the way, believing in faith and in God does not make someone a dumba$$. I can believe what I believe without being hateful, and you SHOULD be able to do the same.
623. Liz K said:
... Ok, one more thing! I have also noticed that people comment alot about Republicans who comment here, or Christians, or converservatives (basically interchangeable words)... I comment because I have something to say, and it seems that you are really accepting of listening (Heather, not really the readers). I don't slur hate at anyone, but I have a right to say what I think. Its true, I enjoy your Leta/dog/marriage posts a lot more than I enjoy anything political/religious. Just because you're a filthy liberal doesn't mean you aren't funny :)
624. Jessica Canadiana said:
I don't get the people who are saying you have a similar writing style. I think your style now is completely different, and for the better!
625. chickadeescout said:
Well, there is a non-religious reason you can validly be against gay marriage:
As long as heterosexual marriage is legal, I think there's no legally tenable reason homosexual marriage shouldn't be legal.
However -- and this is a BIG however -- I don't think marriage should be a legal institution, period.
So, in other words, I'm pro-gay marriage in the sense that I think gay couples have as much right to have the state intrude in their relationship as straight couples do.
626. Nikki said:
It takes a brave soul to post something like that on the web. It's inspiring though. Sometimes I feel like the world is never going to change and some people will never want to. But it does happen. Look how iron-willed you are about your beliefs now and they're totally different than what you had grown up on.
It's funny. I'm gay and anyone who sees me can usually tell straight off. But when I was in middle school and high school, I struggled with the idea of homosexuality. I thought it was wrong and sinful and, though I knew that I didn't like guys, I sure as hell wasn't going to like girls. No way, not me.
I certainly don't think that way now. Just ask my girlfriend.
627. jesse james said:
Heather,
As a raging homo I really appreciate the entire post. Hilarious, and proof that ignorance can fade.
I saw Philadelphia in high school with my girlfriend at the time. We use to go to movies so that we could hold hands.
And because of this post I have made plans to visit my parents house next weekend - to dig through the few boxes i still have there. Must. Get. Diaries.
628. yougogirl said:
I know it must be hard for you to read that, but I see something different. I actually see an awakening happening ... re: your comment "Made me reconsider some of my hard-core conservative bias."
I was also very religious as a teenager (now a happily married lesbian with 2 kids!), and I clearly remember the process of questioning what I had been taught and becoming aware of some of the hypocrisies of religion. Your entry reminded me of that time--you should honor the process you went through.
Thank you for your "No on 8" plug! I can't tell you how hard it is to explain this issue to my (very happy, healthy, well adjusted) 7 year old son. Can someone please tell the religious right that they are not the only ones who have children they love.
629. Anonymous said:
First off, I guess it goes without saying that #127 Rob has issues far beyond what can be addressed in this forum.
Heather, I laughed when I read this post. I think we ALL were convinced we knew EVERYTHING when we were young. I cringe, as well, when I read some of my journal entries from my teens and twenties...
I was raised by southern Baptists, who thought it was wrong to drink or dance -- or do anything on Sundays. Many of my relatives are racists and homophobes, and it took me a long time to realize that not everyone thinks that way. And that one can be spiritual without being small-minded.
For the record, Rob, I'm not at all opposed to religion. I am, however, vehemently opposed to sanctioned hatred and discrimination and efforts to take away peoples' civil rights!
I hope my friends in California will join me in voting NO on Prop 8.
630. July said:
What a great thing to share with your little community here! It really looks like you've come full circle. Kudos on coming out on the other side as well adjusted as you seem to be!! God bless everyone......no exceptions!!
631. Krista said:
Heather, that is some hairstyle. While it's beautiful, I wonder-how many pounds did it weigh?! Comes from all that corn in the midwest and west. I loved this entry. And I loved that you've changed. Being from the Northeast, it still boggles my mind that people think like this, still. They are missing out on so many good things in life. Thanks for this!
632. Vanilli said:
You are right. It is absolutely about civil rights...AND religious rights. And being able to believe what you want and teach your kids what you want. Just as you want the freedom to teach your children your views on what marriage is, others should be able to do the same, though that view might be different. If Prop. 8 fails, we will lose this right, which should be concerning to everyone on principle, no matter what your personal views on marriage are.
Proposition 8 in Plain English:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vI-GjWY-WlA
633. Heather F said:
I used to be that conservative Christian girl, too, but even then I was always big on separation of church and state. Because what if radical fundamentalist Muslims were the dominant group in our country, and wouldn't let me engage in activities that only THEIR religion found wrong?
Either every citizen has the right ONLY to state-recognized "civil unions", or every citizen has the right to state-recognized "marriage".
That's called equal rights, kids.
With the word "marriage" worked into so many current laws & regulations, our lawmakers need to decide which is more practical:
1. rewriting all pertinent legislation to change "marriage" to "civil unions" and making marriage a strictly religious institution, to be recognized only by churches, synagogues, temples, etc . . .
--OR--
2. making clear that everyone in the U.S. has a right to state-recognized "marriage" and all applicable responsibilities & privileges given under the law.
I don't care whether people believe gay marriage is right or wrong. I only care that people understand democracy does not mean theocracy, no matter how much of a majority a particular religion has.
634. Anonymous said:
You LIE, you don't want to marry Coco!
Actually the end of this is really nice to read - it proves to me there's hope for people who are still in that place of 'well gays are sinners but God loves you anyway, just pray real hard!'. I love when people get to look back and say "WOW I was a dick!" because if you can't say that, chances are you're still a dick. Go-go maturity! Well. A little more of it.
635. Anonymous said:
Liz - The difference is being hateful towards someone who is born a certain way with no control over their orientation, and being hateful towards someone who CHOOSES TO BELIEVE a certain way that is hateful towards others who are not BORN like them.
If you know 2+2 = 4, and someone else is constantly telling you it equals 6.3213, you're probably going to think they're dumb, or really poorly informed. Well, that's how I see religion and religious people. The suspense of logic is too difficult for me to get past.
636. BurbankFox said:
Have you noticed that the look on your face in that old picture is the mirror image of the one on your masthead?
Freaky.
637. Bodnoirbabe said:
The problem I have with those who are going to vote Yes on prop 8 is that it's a slipper slope for other groups of people to be denied marriage.
The whole reason people vote yes is because they believe their God says marriage should be between a man and a woman. They also believe that marriage is a religious institution.
Here's the problem. I don't believe in their God. Neither do Buddhists, Hindus, etc. I'm an atheist myself. Does that mean that no one but Christians should be able to get married? It does in their religion.
Then you have the further problem of believing which religion is right? Are the Catholics right? The Babtists? If the Catholics are right, will that mean that no one but heterosexual Catholics can get married?
It's all stupid.
638. Linda said:
Well, that picture certainly shows where Leta got all her hair. She's not *all* Armstrong, eh?
639. Kristy said:
Hi Heather,
First I want to thank you for all the laughs and insights over the years. You're a wonderful writer and I've appreciated your intelligence and candor.
Second, I want to say goodbye. I'm disappointed that your blog has become such a political billboard in a world and time when I can't get away from such things, no matter where I turn. I'm not saying you shouldn't have your views and express them anywhere you want, I'm just exercising my freedom to walk away, sad that you know you're alienating people but seem intent on doing it anyway.
About gay marriage: I don't agree with it, but I understand that it's an issue that's become inevitable. Whatever. The thing that worries me about it, and I've read comments from extremely intelligent and highly respected lawyers about this, is that soon institutions that disagree with gay marriage may have to turn a blind eye to it (same as race and sex) when hiring pastors, professors, etc. I'm all for separation of church and state, but too often lately the government has failed to protect the church from the state, which is what that law was originally created for, by the way, not the other way around.
Alright, I'm out. Let the name-calling begin. I'm sure I'll be called intolerant for actually having beliefs, which is maybe the most glaring example of irony and hypocrisy I've seen lately. I'M intolerant because I stand up for a definite right and wrong, but YOU can somehow still retain the mantle of being "tolerant" even while you refuse to tolerate me. At least I'm not a hypocrite. You won't find me saying one thing and acting another.
Heather, the "you" in the above paragraph isn't directed at you personally. I believe that you're a better person than that. I think if I actually knew you we would be great friends, as long as we didn't discuss politics! I really really like you and who you are, and I wish only the best for you and your family in the future.
~Kristy
P.S. If Prop 8 fails I'm applying for rights to marry a second husband. Why should marriage just be between TWO people who love each other? I want THREE!
640. Megan said:
Wow - This post just totally proves how kick-ass you really are! Look how far you've come - in my experience people who believed what you wrote at that tender age don't usually come around to recognizing what an important issue marriage equality truly is.
And "But of course she prattled to the tyranny of Satan and his servants." is a fantastic line!
641. Kristy said:
Another P.S. You have a lot of readers who say a lot of things about religion and Christianity without having the slightest idea of what they're talking about. I'll just address a couple of the most recent in the comments:
#619 nina: the Christian church would absolutely recognize a marriage conducted at city hall. Why wouldn't it?
#637 Bodnoirbabe: "Does that mean that no one but Christians should be able to get married? It does in their religion." That statement is just ludicrous. Christians believe no such thing.
I think all the people who are so ready to bash religion need to really study and figure out exactly what it is they're bashing. They're absolutely as bad as the "Christians" who carry around their "God hates fags" signs. Don't judge the rest of us by them, just like I don't judge all Muslims by the ones who took down the twin towers. Know of what you speak before you speak.
642. Caitlin said:
Am I the only one who thinks it is sooo funny when people leave comments letting Heather know they won't be reading her blog anymore? Like Kristy a couple posts up - "I want to say goodbye." Hahaha. It literally makes me laugh out loud. Uh, what, do you want Heather to cry and fall to her knees and beg for your readership back? I'm pretty sure with the other thousands of positive commenters, she's not going to miss one or two here or there who clearly need to get a life.
643. kristy said:
Nice comeback, Caitlin.
I construct a logical, well-thought-out, non-hateful comment, and all you can do is spew personal insults back. How typical. And unoriginal.
644. Jaime said:
I'm a big fan, but I was disappointed in the tone of this post. You of course have every right to share your opinion, but to dismiss anyone who disagrees with you (and religious people in particular) as either ignorant, bigoted, or brainwashed is just wrong. I'm a Mormon and a firm believer in the separation of church and state, but my understanding is that that separation was enshrined in the Constitution as much to protect religion from state interference as to protect government from undue religious influence. I don't live in California, but if I did I would probably vote yes on Prop 8. Not because I think gay people are evil (which I don't) or that their relationships shouldn't be recognized, but because of cases like these:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=91486191
For those who say that gay marriage doesn't affect other people, these examples to me prove otherwise. The government should not be able to require people to violate their consciences. If there were legal safeguards in place to protect people from being sued for invoking their first amendment rights, I would have no problem with gay marriage.
As a fellow Obama supporter, I'm also saddened by how this post has fed into the ugly stereotypes that people have of each other. From the comments alone, it's clear that liberal readers have left with their suspicions confirmed that conservative, religious people are all whack-jobs, and any conservative, religious readers have probably left with their suspicions confirmed that liberals are all smug, condescending religion-haters. Part of the appeal of Obama for me is that he wants us to move beyond the culture wars....I wish that this post had made more of an effort to do that too. I'll admit you were plenty kooky back then :), but I don't think it's fair to imply that other Mormons are all like that.
I still love your blog. Probably will never stop reading. Just wanted to put in my 2 cents.
645. Jen said:
Wow. The only other comment I have ever left on your blog is something to the effect of "I wish I had known you at BYU because at least I would have had one real friend." I take that back now. You were CRAZY.
646. anonymouse said:
Political discussions like these are quickly becoming one of my favourite features on this site.
647. Natasha said:
I purchased Cringe a while back and it's delightfully funny. As is the book you edited (and wrote in). I have pre-purchased your upcoming book. Yay, for not taking ourselves too seriously!
648. Anonymous said:
To whoever said that of course homosexuals have higher rates of depression and suicide, because they are constantly being discriminated against, I have this to say:
As a Mormon, I am constantly being hated on, discriminated against, and told that I am a brainwashed idiot. And you know what? I am a completely happy person. Because I am strong enough to withstand the criticism. I am happy in my life, with my lifestyle and my beliefs. I'm not going to let what others say about it bother me enough to want to kill myself. If gay people are happy with their lifestyle, they shouldn't let what others say bother them enough to want to die. Just don't listen to me! Live your life how you want, no matter what mine or other people's views are on it. That's what I do! I know the issue goes deeper than this, because we're talking about actual legislation, but I don't really want to get into the fights and bashing so much. We'll let God decide in the end ok? :o)
649. Brandy said:
Your post reminded me of the Yes on Prop 8 demonstrators that I ran into last night. Protect marriage? Why is it anyone's business who anyone else is marrying? I don't get it. I'm voting no. :)
650. Kate said:
I... I can't believe that was YOU writing!! I think your readers would appreciate a graphically designed depiction of how you changed from "Jumping Jesus! Gays are people, too! Sinners, but people nonetheless!" to the Heather of today. A flowchart or something like that.
I think I need to start reading your blog from the very beginning to see if anything happened to make such radical changes or if you just grew extra brain cells once the adolescent haze cleared.
Thanks for sharing :)
651. Julia said:
Thanks for sharing. Critical thinking and forming your own opinions regardless of how you were raised is natural and necessary. So what ultimately happened to make your our own reasoning (your new God) win out over the reasoning of your old God? Because your old God was too old fashioned and intolerant and your new one is a lot nicer and hipper?
652. ma 2 one said:
Mind boggling the transformation you made.
There was a glimmer of your current self underneath all that righteousness.
653. Woman of Faith said:
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Chris of Latter-Day Saints. My best friend is gay. My wedding was presided over by an LDS Bishop, in an LDS chapel, with my best gay friend standing beside me as my "man of honor". I love my friend dearly. We agree to disagree about his sexual orientation. I make no absolutely claims to perfection.
I dearly love the Lord Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father. I believe in their sovereignty over heaven and earth. I believe in the Supreme Creator, the Atonement, and that we are subject to eternal laws of justice and mercy, right and wrong.
I claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of my own conscience and grant all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may. I believe that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children.
I am working with members of the LDS church and other concerned organizations to support Proposition 8 to preserve the sanctity of marriage, to protect children from being forced to learn about the "diversity" of gay marriage, and to protect my church from being forced to perform marriages that we believe are contrary to the laws of God.
You are entitled to believe and worship however you wish, but please don't try to force others to accept your beliefs and call it being "open-minded" or an action in favor of civil liberties. Leave us free to stand fast in disagreeing with you, and to stand up for the laws that we will all one day be subject to, all politics and parties aside.
654. Linds said:
I related to this post more than I can even say. When I was Mormon one of my friends came out to me and when she asked me what I thought I told her the same old line, "hate the sin love the sinner". Honestly it scared the shit out of me because I knew I was gay.
Years later when gay marriage was about to be legalized in our town we had a meeting in which they read the proclamation to the family and started a letter writing activity to our local leaders encouraging them not to allow gay marriage.
I think that was the first time I really realized how much my being gay was going to ruin my life.
Its amazing how much better life is outside the church.
655. Nicci said:
Thank "the heaveny father" that you are over all of THAT!
656. Lisa said:
"And the only reason anyone wants to deny homosexuals equal rights is a religious one. PERIOD. Your God says it's a bad thing. But what if my God disagrees? If you take religion out of the equation, THERE IS NO ISSUE."
PERIOD?! No, a religious reason is not the only reason why homosexuals should be denied equal rights. My own reasons include tax and morality issues. It also opens the door for practices such as polygamy. We don't have to be religious to believe in marriage between a man and a woman.
YES on Proposition 8.
657. Miltoncat said:
Whoah... I could've written the exact same entries when I was in high school and freshman/sophomore years of college (I'm a mere 2 years older than you). I'm from Memphis too, grew up Southern Baptist where we so holy that we thought the Mormons were a cult.
Went to college. Got smacked in the face with the reality that not everyone believed and lived how I did, and they seemed to be just fine. The Great Unraveling began.
658. kim said:
I can totally see why those journal entries were cring worthy, I have 4 cring worthy journals myself, but it does show your compassion back then. Even though you believed it was wrong, it appears that was the begining of your mind being cracked open. Kudos to you for sharing.
I am a huge advocate for No on 102 here in AZ. I have these religious rights people calling me daily on this issue and voting no won't make gay marriage legal here, but a yes will make it just that much harder to ever be legal here. I can't stand religion coming into government. Frustrating to say the least.
659. Susie said:
Oh my God, Heather those are hilarious. Growing up as the only non-Mormon kid on my Sandy city block, I was surrounded by kids who believed that to be my friend was against the preachings of the gospel. And not just the kids - try getting a babysitting job when you're the only preteen not in Mary Miss (or whatever it was called.)
My husband doesn't believe it was as bad as I say. I just sent him the link to your website in hopes that he'll read these and look up in horror.
Eh, I made it out alive and fairly unscarred. But I'll tell you, posts like these make me giggle a little hysterically with relief that I'm not back there.
660. Anonymous said:
#648
When is the last time someone chased you down the street with a baseball bat for your way of living? Or spit on you or scorned you or even looked at you with a sneer for the way you live your life?
Don't compare your choice of religions to someone's innate trate.
As to your perceived discrimination against your religion, I would ask you this.
Why is it that whenever a news story comes out that is negative about your church and it's terrible history, Mormons call it lies and Satan using the Media to deceive people, And when a positive story comes out about the LDS religion, it is all truth?
Get over yourself and your brainwashed belief system.
If you don't think you are brainwashed, you can ask yourself this question.
When have you ever disagreed with anything your church teaches, or anything your church has done?
Have you ever used this sentence? The Prophet ( or Church) tells us we should not do that? How often to you say that or do you hear it said by Mormons? Replace the word Prophet or Church with the word Cult, see how that sounds.
Many of us were once where you are now. We don't hate you, we feel sorry for you.
661. Taylee said:
Besides being fully entertained with your bewildering, off set and mildly humors journal entries from back in the days. I must say I find more enjoyment reading the comments left by people. Wahaha...
I live with my Gay Aunt at this very moment in time. Do I agree with her lifestyle choice? NOPE, not one bit. But that is neither here nor there because it is what it is. Life is a funny thing, why waist your time and energy on convincing people what they should or shouldn't believe in and or be like? Exhausting.
...I need a Martini.
662. TheUnlikelySchoomarm said:
Heather, as always, you rock. Thank you for sharing.
663. Tootsie Farklepants said:
Swear to God I just drove by a group of Yes on 8 supporters with their signs and their young children standing on the corner outside the Mormon church down the street. One of the signs read "Yes on 8 to preserve our religious freedom". And I was all, lady who is stopping YOU from practicing your religion to marry the man you love?
Well, maybe I didn't say it but I thought it really REALLY loud from behind my steering wheel.
664. Kelly said:
#663: Tootsie: before you start yelling out your window, check out #644 NPR link.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=91486191
Unless of course, your belief in people's religious freedom only goes one way. I'm getting so sick of people who loudly tout their politically correct opinions when they have virtually NO idea what the real issues are.
665. Jane said:
Do you know how brain-washed that diary sounds?
666. Amy said:
Dude that was awesome! Thank you so much for sharing it! And for linking to No on Prop 8 =)
667. Mark said:
Actually, the most embarrassing thing about this post you've posted is the fact that in the photo, you're sitting on a sofa that actually _matches_ the wallpaper behind it.
I'm surprised you survived the experience. Lesser women might have tuned around, noticed all those little brown dots, and proceeded to strangle themselves with their very own hair.