From the best of Craigslist, a desperate “dog needs a good home” ad written by someone who should be hired to write the copy for erectile dysfunction commercials:
Okay, so about three months ago my roommate takes in this stray dog. She’s horrible, and I’m a dog lover, so I don’t say that lightly. I say that as heavily as possible. And please don’t flag this post for removal, because there is a real dog whose life is at stake here, and although you may disagree with my not writing flowery Ad-Man prose about her, hell, I’m just being honest. This dog sucks.
… I have to say that the first thing you notice about Mama Dog is: nipples. Obscenely large nipples. We think she was probably used for breeding or something because there’s really no other explanation. I’m not being cruel, I’m just saying. Because there’s one nipple in particular that is really disturbing. The rest you could maybe overlook. But she has this one nipple that hangs really low, and it’s fat, but then it gets really skinny, and then it gets fat again. It’s like it’s just barely hanging on, though it’s not, and evidently there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with it except how it looks. But man, that nipple is unsettling.
I’ll just go ahead and say it, that I hope I can live my life in such a way that when I die my loved ones won’t immediately think about engraving that last sentence on my tombstone.