• http://writesoftly.blogspot.com Write Softly

    I hear you. Hang in there. There is NOTHING glowy or magical about greeting the new day (and noon, and evening) bent over a toilet.

    The only thing that kept me human was Zofran (generic: ondansetron). It’s a medication originally developed for cancer patients going through chemo. As a few of your commenters have noted, it dissolves on your tongue, tastes like ass for a few seconds, and then you are magically NOT NAUSEOUS for like six hours.

    And yes, it’s expensive as hell. But as someone who suffered for 14 weeks before she found it will attest, that did not stop me.

    Blessings to you, Jon, Leta and the dogs.

  • Maggie


    Have you heard of/ tried these? They’re lollipops for pregnant women to help tame the nausea, and I think they also have lollipops for plain old nausea too. They were on unwrapped on the food network once, and if they work they sound amazing!

  • http://www.Mothering4Money.com Mothering4Money

    All day sickness, pizza face, elephant feet, dog nose … oh gosh I remember those days. Congratulations BTW, and good luck with that whole squeezing a watermelon out of a lemon thing.

  • Pat

    Erm..I remember waking up out of a deep, sound sleep so sick I thought I would die…no food or drink, just sleeping! How can sleeping make you sick? But, Dude, it can. I so remember, like it was yesterday. but actually? 40 years ago! Some things you just never forget…babies are the bomb, pregnancy is for the birds!

  • http://www.craftyintentions.blogspot.com Megan

    I found this today. I thought about how grateful I was to be exposed to those two blogs of those two beautiful women who suffered with infertility issues. I thought about how grateful I was to read your opinions – hilarious, strong. Our guy won. I can’t wait to see what happens next. But this website shows a little of what’s happening right now – and it almost made me cry. Hope you get a chance to check it out.


  • http://chronicallyyoung.blogspot.com/ Britta

    I love your humor and your blog! And how inappropriate many would think this blog is!

  • http://diclectin.com/ wetpaint

    RE: Horrible Life Destroying Morning Sickness CURE

    Order some contraband Diclectin from Canada….most of my friends have used it for all of their pregnancies. No Flipper babies. Just Canadian babies.

  • Minda

    I am so happy for you!!! I’m looking forward to following this pregnancy as closely as I did the last one. Hubby gets to hear me read all of your blog posts aloud. We smile about them together. I hope the morning sickness passes soon!

  • http://orangetangerine.blogspot.com Orange Tangerine

    Ooh, I like those Tangerine Sours from Altoids, and I should buy some. They match my fake internet name.

    The only thing that ever helped my morning sickness was to stick my face in the freezer or out the back door (or car window) and breathe in the frigid winter air.

  • http://theresmoretolifethanlaundry.blogspot.com/ kristi

    I went through that too. Thrice. TORTURE. But just remember, in only 147 million years it will all be over! (Glad I’m not within pinching/kicking/projectile puking distance)

  • Coyote

    When I was pregnant with baby number 4, suffering yet again from non-stop nausea, someone told me to try acupuncture. WTF? But, I was desperate, and willing to try anything. After one treatment, my nausea was gone, never to return. Why did no one tell me this during my FIRST pregnancy?!

    If you are afraid of acupuncture, you can can try acupressure.

    Otherwise, try everything made of ginger. REAL ginger. You can even get it in capsules if you can’t stand the taste.

  • http://www.familypogo.blogspot.com Jen

    Well, I’m glad to know at least that I am not the only person who turns into a Sasquatch when gestating. When I was pregnant with Babe I “accidentally” punched a seven-year-old in the face when he pointed out that I had shag carpeting where my belly should have been.

    It’s okay, though, because that kid was my brother. He disowned me for a little while but I bought back his affection with a set of fancy playing cards. Something tells me that strategy wouldn’t work so well with Leta, though.

  • Mom2Gizmo

    Zofran. Ask your doc…it’s the same med they use to make chemo patients stop puking…I get sick when I am pregnant from week 6/7 through….well, I am at 22 weeks and it JUST STOPPED. Zofran is the only thing that ever worked for me!

  • http://michellewillwin,blogspot.com Michelle

    I know what you are going through, and I felt the same way about pregnancy. Can we just get to the end already?!?! Sadly, I have had to relive this all through chemo over the past 6 months. It’s not fair – at least with pregnancy, there’s a prize at the end! :-)

  • Suenarita

    The reason I never took up smoking is because my first (and only) drag made me so nauseated and dizzy that I wished I had never done it. I understand that you get over that…

    I feel for you but there was no nausea for me – nada – furthermore, I wore a bikini for the only time in my life during my pregancy – and gave birth to a 10# plus, 23″ baby girl.

    I have my own reasons for not doing it again.

  • http://houseofswank.typepad.com swankette

    Thank you for openly admitting that pregnancy is not the transcendant, jubilant cup-of-tea that so many seem to make it out to be. While my complexion has fared well and (lack of) weight gain might make me think I finally found the weight loss strategy that works for me really, not so much enjoying the physical side of this pregnancy. What, exactly, is supposed to be magical about a tiny human being beating you up from the inside?

  • http://sol.pupazzo.org sol

    I totally second the popsicle suggestion. I am 18 weeks along and still dry heave every once in a while but at least I can enter my kitchen without my stomach convulsing.
    About the sex, I totally hope you get another girl, otherwise Leta is going to make his life miserable, poor darling. Morning sickness is completely unrelated to the sex of the baby. With my first boy I never felt a bad not even for 5 minutes. This time it is a boy again and I lost 10 pounds in the first 14 weeks for all the vomiting.
    I’m so happy for the Armstrongs and can’t wait to see photos of fat dooce.

  • Rachel E.

    Two words: Papaya Enzyme.

  • http://www.joeprose.typepad.com HeyJoe

    You had me at hand job.

  • http://rikkicarr.blogspot.com/ Rikki

    Ok, I KNOW that you have nine MILLION people giving you advice and home remedies and you have a MOM … but I obviously have no self control. The only thing that curbed my vomiting for each of my three babies (oh. my. god. the first baby was 20 YEARS AGO. The third was only 8. Still.) But I digress. All three pregnancies – peppermint. Not wintergreen or any other mint, just peppermint. I even keep a bag of the fat peppermints in my desk for my students who have upset stomaches and they tell me it even works for them.

    At the very least, it will be the best, iciest, peppermintiest mint you have ever had!

  • Ann

    I feel your pain! I’m pregnant with my first baby and although I love the eating the puking really does suck! I get my hubby to order me burgers and fries every night and feel very sick the next day.

    He’s been really nice when I feel sick though and recently bought me a gorgeous diamond necklace from http://www.idonowidont.com to make me feel better so that was a nice bonus.

    Being preggers sucks but I inhaled all the thanksgiving food like it was the last supper!

  • Sara

    I totally feel your pain. I love babies (I have 3) but did not enjoy being pregnant. I had horrible morning sickness with the last two that would only go away if I ate something. The only things I could eat for the first couple months were fried matzos or McDonald’s french fries. The morning sickness was then replaced with the feeling that I was trying to digest a large log stuck in my stomach. That, along with waking up at night doing the acid reflux half-barf, made for a very unpleasant time.

    The scariest part was that after they were born, some strange mommy hormones would take over and I would forget how awful it was and think that getting pregnant again would be a good idea. I still see babies or maternity clothes and think “Oh, it was fun being pregnant!” only to have to remind myself how crappy it really was.

  • Dackerson

    Protonix saved me during my pregnancy. I went to the doc and told him I was going to stop eating and just drink my meals because I felt so awful. I loved being pregnant except for the eating part/feeling awful part.

    He said why didnt you say something sooner? I have never been so grateful in my life. Cant hurt to ask your doc for some good drugs, pregnancy safe of course.

  • http://www.ahomeslice.com Bari

    Oh I am not even 3 months and I am already showing. I blame it on the bloat. Its my pretty little gas baby. SEXY STUFF!

  • heather MH

    i’m 11 weeks now and mercifully nausea-free so far this time (it was so bad last time that i was hospitalized for nearly two months). i totally hear you on the S&V chips. i munched so many that i got little sores on the inside of my mouth, though. serious. i switched to big garlic-y dill pickles.

    hope you feel better very soon

  • grace

    My sister landed in the hospital every week or so with her baby because of all the throwing up and dehydration. After awhile she would just call me and tell me every time she threw up in a new place. One day she called up and said she had to pull into a construction zone to throw up and ended up throwing up on newly poured asphalt. YUM.

    I am sooooo sorry for this feeling of utter and total ass. I’m willing to risk it though.

    Luckily my sister forgot all about that and is trying for another. The first one took 14 years so she is hoping for a quicker result.

  • http://linda.kovacevic.nl linda

    And only a few days ago I envied you because all food and drinks tasted so good. I’m glad my morning (aka all day) sickness is subsiding now after 15 weeks. Only started enjoying food again for a few of weeks.
    Hope your nausea will go away soon!

  • Lynn

    Ha! But are you dizzy? I was so dizzy for the first three months that I kept falling down. I fainted from dizziness in Yankee Candle, and the shop girl called the paramedics. I woke up right away, but I was so mortified that I ran out of the store. Leaving my purse behind. With all of my money in it. And my cell phone. So the paramedics rifled through my purse and called my HOME # from my cell, which got them to my now-ex-husband, who panicked and came to the mall to look for me. He found me at California Pizza kitchen, where I had wolfed down a Peking Duck pizza, with no way to pay because I’d ditched my purse at Yankee Candle. I rewarded him for finding me by puking the Peking Duck pizza on his shoes as he led me back to the store, then fainting again. I don’t like duck. I blame the puking on the pizza.

    The paramedics were still there and they gave me some oxygen. They were nice.

    I’ve never gone into Yankee Candle again.

  • KellyS

    Go ahead and hate me now: 2 kids, and not a single bout of nausea or puking in either pregnancy. My mother was the same.

    On the other hand: gestational diabetes, with both. NOT fun.

  • kmbrknits

    I’m glad its not just me. Hate, looooaaathe, being pregnant. Loooove the babies. Would have had lots more if I could afford a surrogate. First time around tried to go natural childbirth, didn’t work out, got a C-section. Second time around, my favorite day was the one where I got to choose which day it would be OVER. A modicum of control over the process took the edge off.

    I hope your 2nd and 3rd trimesters (and who’s idea was that yardstick?) are much better. Or at least you look fabulous.

  • http://www.caloden.com Caloden

    Some women were meant to breed. Others of us were intended to be weeded out of the gene pool. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to glow during pregnancy. It sucked. Every moment of all three times. It wasn’t until the doctors laid those squirming masses of goo on my belly that I wondered if perhaps I had been less than gracious about the whole bearing children thing. Good to hear some honesty from somebody else. Keep your chin up!

  • Alisha

    I quit reading the comments…Did anyone mention Sea Bands? I highly recommend them.

  • http://abbyandizzysmom.blogspot.com erin

    i’m sure someone else has said/suggested it, but the only thing that got me out of bed during my pregnancy was real drugs–Zofran and Phenergan….otherwise I was pretty useless, and like you, confined to the fetal position most of the day. hang in there!

  • http://www.lindsrog.blogspot.com Lindsley

    I totally feel your pain! I’m due June 25th with my second, and my first is only 10 months old…i love the kids, enjoy my son to death, but do NOT like being pregnant at all! The nausea, gagging, fatness, loss of hormonal control…not sure why anyone ever says they love this to begin with…took me a long time to come to terms with disliking such a “beautiful process” but I’m ok with it now, and know for sure it wasn’t just the first time…it just sucks! Congratulations and good luck!

  • Sara

    I am currently 16 wks pregnant with our second. I go between WE’RE DOING THIS AGAIN YAY! to ARE WE INSANE?! Mostly b/c one moment I feel wonderful in my gaining-by-the-second body, and the next I am praying that the porn boobs will just GO. AWAY. So depending on the minute, I am one of those women that loves being pregnant, or I am of those that sees pregnancy as a necessary 40 wks of BLEH to get a precious baby.

    As far as morning…I mean…all day sickness goes, you know as well as any second-time mom does that you do whatever you have to to survive. If that means living off of salt and vinegar chips (now I need some, thanks) and Dr Pepper for the first few weeks, that’s what you do. All those people that are all fruits and ginger cure morning sickness! can suck it.

    And yay for showing earlier. That beats just being sick for so long and getting fat with no evidence of why.

  • http://lookedgoodonpaper.wordpress.com Tami A

    Dude, I smell twins.

    And get on with the belly pics. Thank you.

  • http://lifeasaburprag.blogspot.com/ Larmar

    I feel for you. I am three months pregnant, and have hated every minute of it. This is my second, not nearly as bad as my first, but still bad enough to make me want to sleep for the next 6 months. and if you think cornbread is bad, stay away from kettle-cooked chips. those slice and dice on their way back up. yum.

    good luck.

  • kate

    It’s nice to see that there are actually people who hated it as much as I did. The comments help as much as your post. Feel much more NORMAL. I kept telling my mom, anyone who likes being pregnant MUST be lying!!!

  • http://www.snarkymommy.com Snarky Mommy

    I have so been there. With two pregnancies. The last one, I could not even think the word “chicken” because anything having to do with poultry made me want to vomit. No thinking about it, no seeing it, no talking about it. Period. I didn’t even let people around me eat it. That lasted well into my third trimester.

    At least your oldest is potty trained. Mine was not during pregnancy No. 2. Let’s just say it was an awful, awful experience to change those diapers while sick.

  • Martha

    THINK: end result end result end result end result
    end result end result end result………..

    Does Jon feel sick too?
    Hope the hormones lighten up soon.


  • http://laurareaux.typepad.com Laura Reaux

    I’m 8 weeks pregnant for my 4th and honestly didn’t remember how awful the nausea was. I’m praying that the Zofran that the nurse just called in for me WORKS. I do know that once I reach the 2nd trimester I love being pregnant, but right now I’m dying for it to end.

  • http://www.lifeandtimesofchantel.com Chantel

    I had the same exact pregnancy TWICE. My kids are 15 mos. apart. I’m an idiot I know. I hate being pregnant. The thought terrified me to the point of getting my tubes tied. The only relief I could find was constant nibbling and I mean nibbling only. And sipping, sipping only on apple juice. And I had to quit taking my pre-natal vitamins; they were killing me.

    Oh and Baskin Robbins!!

  • Dee

    First time, I kid myself and even I believed I loved being pregnant. Looking back on it I lied.
    Don’t know why though.
    Second time, lying would not have helped. I had a prenatal depression. Is that a word in English? I’m too lazy to look it up. In my language we also speak of a postnatal depression, so not sure if prenatal is correct.
    Either way, no one would have believed me should I have lied.
    I couldn’t stop crying for weeks on end. Even at my job, I cried and cried and cried. Not the occasional tear, no. I cried rivers.
    For the first time in my life I understood that people would want to end their lives.

    People say that it is only for a short period but being in the middle of it is not easy.
    As I can understand that you don’t even want to think about another day of nausea.
    I hope for you it is one of the cases where it ends after your first trimester!

  • Marie LaMar

    I am about a week ahead of you, and I still feel bad. This is baby number 4 for me, so you think I would learn. This is my last one… I NEVER want to be preggo again. EVER.

    Ask for some anti nausea meds from your doc. I am taking Reglan, and it takes the edge off very nicely…. I can actually semi function without a barf bag handy.

    Hope that you get to feeling better.

  • Rissa

    I know exactly what you’re feeling right now. I felt like I had the flu the entire 9 months, it was awful. And I KNOW you don’t want to hear any advice on how to get rid of that nausious feeling, because you’re right.. NOTHING HELPS. But.. (and here’s where I give you unsolicited advice but not to annoy you! I just want to share what worked for me and maaaaybe you haven’t thought of it yet) I would suck on lemon heads, lemon drops, drink lemonade, etc, and that seemed to help some. That may be why you enjoy your citrus altoids so much. I think that (mostly artificial) citrus flavors help. Well, for me they did. Perhaps for you too?

    I also switched from taking a pre-natal vitamin to taking 2 FLINSTONE CHEWABLES, and that probably cut back my hanging-out-over-the-toilet time by atleast 20 percent.. so it was well worth it!

  • http://ecoecoamerica.blogspot.com Southerngirl

    Jeez, Angelina Jolie is kicking your ass! She was all “I love being preggers” and “Brad Pitt thinks I’m hot preggers” and she had TWINS.

    You can’t let her get the better of you! Kick her ass and say you could be pregnant with quadruplets and still do handstands all day while cooking gourmet meals and creating world peace.

  • http://www.crackerbox.typepad.com/ amy

    I am sorry you are sick. I threw up for 9 months with my first child. The second time around I threw up until I got myself a prescription for Zofran. It works, I took it with my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies and so far I don’t see any side effects.

    I know people love to help, but I would get so mad when I would get “you are 4 months along, shouldn’t you be getting over the morning sickness?” My response to that one, wasn’t always nice.

    Best wishes to you. I love your blog.

  • http://www.lisamertins.com lisa mertins

    a boy! and thank God someone else saying it sucks to be pregnant. for me, it made the wonderful part when you hold that baby for the first time even sweeter…

  • http://tiggerlane.blogspot.com Tiggerlane

    Ah, yes – the 24-hour a day “morning” sickness. How well I remember. I, too, felt like my body was being taken over…

    I’ve always heard that the second baby shows faster than the first, hence, I only have the one child.

    And considering I consumed a crapload of salt/vinegar chips last weekend AND noticed hair in places it does not belong, unless I’m a pirate, I’d better have my uterus checked.

  • Adrienne

    You totally start showing earlier with the 2nd because everything is stretched out from the ravages of first little darling.
    Baby 1 = started showing at 4 months.
    Baby 2 = the next morning.

    I’m already showing for Baby 3…and he hasn’t even been conceived yet.