No question about it: parenthood is harder than marriage.
I must include the caveat, though, that marriage is only easier if your partner is a good friend of yours and someone you genuinely like. I'm so happy that's the case with you, Heather, and it's certainly the case here.

Glad you enjoyed the Oy To The World CD!!!!

Emily (and Robert)

This is a very tough one for me.

Overall, I have to say that parenting comes easier than being married. Though on a day to day basis, being a parent is much more frustrating.

I used to think the motherhood part was easier, but now that he's 15 it's gotten a lot harder. For one thing, your teenager doesn't really appreciate you sharing everything they go through with the whole world wide web, so you don't even have that open forum of the "mommy blog" anymore. For another, the teen years are just HARD. They can be unspeakably sad and painful and it is so devastating to watch your child have to go through that.

I too have had a much more difficult time adjusting to parenthood than I did to wifehood. I feel very blessed to have found my husband who is a perfect match for me. We rarely fight--he is an awesome communicator. I am often the one who doesn't want to talk. This is not to say that there aren't things that we disagree on, but we both know and are committed to our marriage in a way that allows us to have enjoyed 12 years of bliss with just a few minor moments of irritation/anger with the other.

Parenting gets easier but so does marriage as we learn the other person's ins and outs, etc it all gets easier, but from the start marriage was easier--at least for me.

Marriage is definitely more difficult for me. It is more emotionally challenging and demanding. I agree with Alice Brady when she said that its clear what your duties are as a mother. Feed child, change diaper, play, nourish, teach, etc. It doesn't seem to be as simple or clear cut with marriage. The needs and wants seem to be more complicated... or perhaps I just haven't learned or acquired the tools to make it seem not-so-complicated?

With my first kid, I would have said parenting was more difficult. With my first marriage, I would have said marriage was. (Ha!) I don't see either as more difficult than the other now, having the experience in both. I learned from each "first" on what worked, what didn't, what my boundaries were, and basically how to cope with problems ranging all over that spectrum. Not to say I'm an expert, but I learned how to pick and choose my battles in both wars and take it all in stride.

I am happily married and it's not hard at all. Parenting on the other hand scares the crap out of me and I'm gonna remain childless because I know I can't do it. so from a not parenting person you parents ROCK!

This is a super difficult question - considering I am not in a relationship at the moment. Obviously my marriage failed - but it wasn't due to us not being able to 'make it work'. There were outside influences let's just say. Regardless, I did enjoy being married and I enjoyed working at it. So I have to say motherhood is harder for me. Every day it seems like a struggle that I have to learn how to deal with. Relationships come a lot more naturally to me. I think it is truly a personality difference - some just 'take' to motherhood very naturally. I am not one of those! It has been work since day one, but work I am glad I am doing in the end of course.

love you, heather! i haven't yet been married or parented, but i'm guessing that marriage will be much harder than parenthood, because i don't know of people divorcing their kids, just their spouses. that speaks volumes to me.

I'm not a mommy, but for a very good reason. I don't think that I'm cut out for it. I work with children each day. I'm thankful to send them home at the end of the day. Parenting isn't something I think I'm qualified to sign on for full time.

I read a book that I think you would find interesting Heather - Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott. It was the first book(memoir) about parenting that I read that didn't make things sound like instinct would take over and all would be fine.

I still don't know the answer. When my first child was born I appeared to be a natural mother and my marriage was also stable. When my second came along, both areas of my life were in turmoil. Neither was easy. I doubted my mothering ability - how could I not instinctively know what this second child needed like I did the first time. And who the hell did my husband think he was having needs of his own. Couldn't he see that I was falling apart? Was it my marriage or becoming a parent? All I know is that it was a lot of work and worth every bit of it.

Being a mom is much more difficult for me. I think part of the reason is that I'm trying to help shape the people my children will grow into while I'm just enjoying the person my husband already is. I imagine that if I was in a relationship with a person who didn't have the same values and beliefs as me, or who was just a total ass, it would probably be harder to for me to be a wife!

For me, motherhood is harder, hands down, but it's getting easier. My first marriage, which produced my now-7-year-old ["And a HALF," she'd interject], was a disaster of epic proportions. She's the only thing we did right. Well, maybe some of the home remodels and trips we used to distract ourselves from the fact that we were Israel and Giza could come in as honorable mentions.

My first three years with her were awful. First, I wasn't completely certain I wanted to BE a mom (she was the product of goodbye sex). Next, she didn't speak for, like, 20 months, and I never quite got the gist of Baby. She was a very happy baby, yet I still felt inadequate in meeting her needs. Also, I suffered from pretty severe postpartum depression, which left me kicking holes in walls, etc. etc. My divorce further complicated matters, as we have joint custody, and my ex has just recently decided that I'm not such a bad mommy after all. Once she started talking and being able to express her feelings in a manner other than biting, screaming, and pouring grape juice all over my leather seats, mommyhood got easier. Now, we understand each other, which means we know exactly how to push each other's buttons, and how to remedy the reaction that comes. It's gotten so much easier. And that's why I intend to keep my one-and-done promise. I can't imagine going through the hell of infancy and toddlerhood ever again.

I recently conversed with a woman who's a world-renowned child psychologist, who says that the first three years set a child's personality and life track in place. All I can say to that is, Lauren, I'm sorry, and send me your psychiatry bills. Then again, this same expert told me not to worry because a parent's only job, really, is to fuck up their kids and keep her in business.

Now, I'm engaged to be married, and while the relationship is tricky because he has a special needs child and weekend visitation, we're doing it so much better. First of all, we actually have chemistry, and compatibility. And we can talk about anything in our indoor voices, even if it's touchy. I think the stability of our relationship can be credited to our mature ages at which we met (37, which is 50 years older than when I met my ex, at age 23), some counseling and drugs, good drugs. It's a walk in the park compared to mommyhood.

Lynn

I think being a parent is harder. You have to try to understand the child you made. What there needs are and no child is the same what makes one happy might not be the same for the other. Where marriage is you pick that person and you are friends and you love them because you chose to. Were having a child is you get what you get a don't pitch a fit!

I have no kids yet, but am fully expecting motherhood to kick me in the ass, especially since my marriage is pretty much a piece of cake. Oh yeah, and I was a good kid and my hubby was a hellion, so I am quite sure that I will get paid back for EVERYTHING HE DID.

I should add, though, that though my marriage is great now, I think that's only because we got all the crap out of the way before we ever even got married. We started dating freshman year in college, and fought like crazy during school. We graduated, got out of said fraternity and sorority houses, and discovered that we really liked each other! He's my best friend, and I his (he did admit that to me) and for us, it makes the petty arguments easier to get over, and the big stuff easier to discuss.