Godspeed, Dooce. I love you and your blog and I cannot wait for the lovely pictures of your newest edition.

When my kids were babies and toddlers, I thought I would miss that stage so much when it was over, but I have found that every stage is my favorite when they are in it. I even love having a middle schooler, and I never thought that would be possible. Teenagers are actually awesome. Huh!

Be careful thinking you've got this down pat. For real, I thought we had this parenting thing nailed before #2 came along. I was very silly. Adding #2 was harder than the first one -- the entire family dynamic shifts (again) so be prepared for some discourse the first few months (and the occasional "what the hell have i done?!?!" scream).

Just starting first tri here, but with an eight-month-old. Should be interesting! I'm dreading the colic factor (Max was a colicky terror until 11 weeks), but push it to the back of my mind when it pops up.

Do you think women in poorer, developing nations spend this much time navel gazing about a basic biological function?

Can't wait to see the new kiddo and I hope to be a part of this secret club one of these days. At 33 I'm getting ready to settle down, I think.

Mine are all so different. But my second was AWESOME. The sweetest, easiest baby in the world.

Of course, now she's kinda the toughest. I don't think you ever can tell. It's one day at a time, around here.

"this baby might not be as skillful a screamer, which sort of brings up all sorts of things that might be different this time around. What if this one actually likes dogs? What if she eats food? What would it be like to live with a kid who likes to be cuddled?Conversely, what if this one isn't as good a sleeper? What if this one likes to climb furniture? What if this one is actually curious about light sockets?"

That comparison just about sums up our daughter, Violet Jane, who turns 5 in late May and our son, Lincoln, who just turned 9 months today. Is it like yin and yang? Or combined chaos? A little of both most days.

I have three girls who are all completely different. When you first start out, you compare the little differences like sleeping and eating and talking.
But with my older daughters being 10.5 & 12 now, you start to see those glimpses into them being grownups and you wonder what kind of adult you are raising.
Parenthood is so very strange and so very quick.
Yesterday my twelve year old was a baby and now she wears a bra. WTF?
~K

oh how I hope what you say in those last two paragraphs is true. I'm 8 weeks along and have my first doctor appt next week. I have seriously wondered if I'd be secretly relieved if my doctor told me whoops, we made a mistake, you're not really pregnant. I just don't know where I will summon up the constant energy required for a baby. Basically I'm scared shitless and found your words comforting, so thanks.

To #313 Megan:

What makes you think they wouldn't? My impression (and I've lived in one poorer, semi-developing country and chatted with mothers there who talked a lot about their children and their parenting experiences) is that, all over the world, mothers can't get enough of talking about motherhood in all its aspects. I have a friend whose husband claims that in any gathering of women that includes mothers, the conversation will eventually devolve into comparing birth stories -- that it's the primal Ur-topic for motherkind.

Of course, I haven't lived everywhere in the world, but I think my guess is about as good as yours about whether or not most people like to talk about their life-changing experiences.

Love, LOVE this post, Heather. Pure, poignant poetry.

You really have no idea how fluent you really are in Utter Discontent. I really feel like parenting the second child (my boys are 2 & 4) was so much easier than it was the first time around.

And yes, kiddo #2 will actually eat food (he has to, he is built like a football player vs his string bean brother), is slightly more cuddly, LOVES dogs (unless one is close enough to touch), and is equally as good of a sleeper (although they are both typically early risers - UGH). He is mostly mellow, until he is not and then he has quite a temper.

The differences, though, are not just in the kid but also in the parents. We didn't completely ruin the first one, so odds are #2 will be OK. You really do know what you are doing now. (Or is it that you know that none of us have any idea what we are doing and that's OK.) You know that sometimes the baby just doesn't stop crying and you won't be able to fix it. You know how to deal with a stomach virus without having to make a beeline to the pediatrician. You know that giving your kid peanut butter before she turns 16 will probably be OK. Everything is so much more laid back the second time around. At least that is my experience.

-Shelley (due May 21st with a girl)

Yeah,you may get one that is into exploring everything...one that makes you consign your cute little vignettes and antique store finds and pottery hippos etc to a far dusty corner of a cupboard underlock and (hidden) key for at least 5 years,turning your house into basically a padded cell,with every 'childproof' device on the market. No,no,not that I'm talking from experience at all...

My daughter was born almost six months ago, and every single day she has taught me how to let go.

I am a control freak. A controlling control freak who likes to control. But my life was thrown OUT of control with the birth of my daughter.

I tried putting her on a schedule, putting us all on a schedule. Then I revised it. And revised it again. I have seriously revised the schedule about twenty or thirty times in an effort to regain some kind of control over the chaos.

I've given up. Kind of. Every time I think that she has FINALLY fallen into some resemblence of a routine, and I put that routine down in writing, she switches it up. To mock me. So, I've mostly given up trying to control her and schedules and life in general. But because I am a control freak and very stubborn, I still try (in vain) every once in a while to sneak back into the driver's seat.

Hi Heather,

What a great essay. Thank you!! My first child is due July 28th, and at age 34, I echo Gypsy's comments*. Well put Gypsy! Heather, I sent this essay to my boyfriend and parents, who I think sometimes all have their valid natural doubts that any of this is a wise decision and that we won't royally fuck it up!I hope this essay puts all their minds at ease as it did mine.

Mei Lai.

*
5. Gypsy said:

I am 7 weeks pregnant with my first child and I am 35. I have eight nieces and nephews, and most of my friends have kids. Yet, I still feel that I am as helpless as a pregnant 14 year old. Reading you makes me feel a little saner about the thoughts that go screaming through my head, every minute of every day. You know, the ones that shout "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH A KID???"
01.20.09 - 06:29 PM

I too have two girls. They are very different, one is Sugar and one is Spice. I have to say having the second newborn was so less stressful if for no other reasons than:
A) I knew we weren't going to break her/ruin her.
B) I knew that nothing (even the endless crying or sleepless nights) would last forever. It almost made me sort of bittersweetly tolerant because this age/stage would be so temporary.
C) I learned to triage as in "who needs me most immediately at this moment"? And sometimes that meant letting the baby cry and paying attention to my older daughter, the one who would be first to rat me out in therapy, the one who would remember the slight more.

The best surprise and adventure is just how wonderfully different they are. The biggest challenge has been how do we parent them differently but have the same rules.

"Because raising Leta more than anything else in my life has helped me piece together the puzzle of what it means to be human."

may be your most profound statement yet. and it's so true of so many of us! we don't really "get it" until we have progeny.

finally! an explanation for proliferative youthful breeding of the faith that raised us (but we rejected)! they're hoping to discover their true identities. it only works when it works, when you do it for yourself, though.

This is so right on. I still get a cold chill too when my daughter starts the fit. Hoping that it will stop and not carry on forever...hoping we will all live thru it. lol

I am blessed to have a second child who is quite and loving, the extreme opposite of the first. It is truly amazing!

Haha, kids will be kids. I've discovered, with my nieces and nephew that the best thing to do is to continue remarking at how good the food is, and that the only people who get snack later are the ones who eat good. I sometimes try to mention that some kids aren't even lucky enough to get food. This works well on the more sensitive niece who thinks about it, but it's lost on the other one.

One thing you'll need to keep an eye out for when the new one arrives is how Leta deals with it. It's no secret, but important to remember that the child will react to the fact that the attention is now being divided. Sometimes the child wants to help mommy out, or is independent enough to just go play with her toys, while other kids will act out, because getting in trouble is still "attention".

Oh my yes, I totally hear you on this. Hell, I even eat vegetables now because I want my kids to. And I understand why parents tell their kids to clean their plates. Not just because food costs money but because I would have ate it if they didn't just smoosh it all around their plate.

I can vouch for that. The second kid is always the worst. Not sure what it is. I think its because they don't get the attention like the first. The novelty wears off.

After 4 kids I can assure you that they are all different and you are different with each one too.

I think you'll find that you'll be much more relaxed with this baby which should result in a more relaxed baby in return.

This one will wait to make your life difficult until she's about 13, then all hell will break loose...

My, that's lovely. I liked reading it and it made me regret my own childlessness.

Now: Where is harsh-barking cynical Heather, and what have you done with her?

Just curious. She needn't hurry back.