Thank you for the laughter. I needed that today. Very badly.

The "just you wait" comments are not nearly as bad (in my opinion) as the "you really ARE big" comments. A pox on all pregnancy-commenters! You are allowed to say "May I go get you a box of chocolate?" and that is ALL!

I'm right there with ya, sister. 22 weeks and feeling it - BIG TIME! I cannot believe I'm just over 50% done. I'll be the size of a smallish elephant before this bambino pops out!

"Just wait" equals the same amount of rage to me as "... let you." did when I was a teenager. No one can tell me to wait as they know better and no one can 'let' me do anything. Ugh HATE HATE HATE HATE that line.

Well, I'm in the middle of my second miscarriage in a row, and I've got a different kind of "whose body is this?" feeling going on, but you've reminded me of the common experience I'm sharing with thousands of other women, so thank you.

LOL! Seriously, I felt that way more with my second pregnancy than my first as well. But then I also carried both boys in my ribs, so the breathing was very difficult and my God was the heartburn horrible. I never waddled, until they dropped, then I got what everyone was talking about. No, I lived with feet and butts and heads up in my ribs, not on my bladder. Don't know which is worse.

I have no idea what you are going through ( I'm sorry, I won't rub it in) but you can do it! Rock out Dooce.

I believe in you, and I appreciate all of your insights, so that one day I'll go OOH That's why...

Totally rethinking the whole "I want kids someday" thing...

I can't believe that you are still working out...by the time I was 20 weeks, I couldn't have done a squat if my life depended on it. I am much shorter than you and much heavier than you so when I was 20 weeks, I pretty much looked like I had a kickball shoved up my shirt.

Not that I wasn't already scared stiff of getting pregnant, but all these blow-by-blow details aren't helping! I love that you've got a sense of humor about it though. I predict myself being very pissy and agitated. You go!

Oh, and not to be picky, but: It should be "dead wife Elizabeth."

Actually, I guess that was to be picky ... but, hey, I just saw a segment about Redd Foxx on PBS last night, and who knew that less than 24-hours later, I'd have a relevant reason to put my knew knowledge to use? Speaking of which: did you know his last name really was Sanford? And that he was close friends with Malcom X? Gotta love that PBS, I tell ya.

So Funny. Who doesn't have that 'who's body is this anyway' from time to time.

Thanks for the laugh!

I'm now 2/3 of the way through my second pregnancy. This second one seems to have passed so much more quickly. Though the backaches and the waddling and all that jazz have definitely begun. Sometimes I just want this pregnancy to be over, and other times I'm sad that it's probably the last time I'll be pregnant, so I should enjoy it. Because it is so easy to enjoy chronic back-pain and an always full bladder. The "just wait.." comments seem to be much less the second time around. I have always hated that phrase, and hope that I never catch myself saying it.

You are hilarious! We have been considering couple bootcamp - aren't we all cute.

From a woman who is only 14ish weeks pregnant and several inches shorter than you...thank you! You look great, so it's oddly comforting to hear you feel as odd as I do. My first pregnancy I wasn't in maternity clothes at this stage, but boy am I in them now. I'm already doing the waddle, back grab, moaning/grunting when moving, and totally short of breath just climbing one flight of stairs. So I feel ya!

I've never been pregnant, but I understand that unsettling feeling where you don't recognize your own body. When I was recovering from serious illness a year ago I looked at my legs and felt like they belonged to someone else - Amy Winehouse, maybe. My face wasn't my face. It was the strangest feeling to look in the mirror and barely recognize yourself. All my limbs felt alien and unfamiliar. Looking at them was weird, walking was weird, clothing was weird. It's all...weird.

I carried my pregnancy weight in my neck. I had no jawline to speak of.

Even though you feel sluggish and disoriented, you look amazing!

"no need to give me a warning that begins with the detestable phrase, "Just wait..." I can guarantee that every time you use that phrase in conversation with a pregnant woman you are earning cosmic points that when added up one day will result in a piano falling on your head."

Hell yes.

I'm so glad those days are waaaaaaaaaaay behind me!

I never had much of a sense of humor when I was preggers, though.

Might have helped if I had.

I'm finding all of this funny. I'm one week ahead of you Heather with my first. I actually don't think it's been so bad! But it's fun to get to gripe about it whenever the mood suits. I'm just glad to be pregnant and holding it! Maybe it makes up for wearing the most ridiculous outfits, just because that shirt and those pants fit! Don't match? Don't care!

I'm impressed that you're still working out! I have a hard enough time getting motivated when I'm not pregnant.

You are a champ for exercising this far into your pregnancy! WOW.

"But this isn't really [as much] about the way I look as it is about the way I feel..." You're so right about that being the equalizer for all women. It's very "disorienting" being pregnant (also a perfect descriptor).

If it makes you feel any better, and it probably won't, you really do look fantastic. (I know you're not fishing for compliments. I can tell you're not that kind of gal.)

Signed,
Survived-Three-Pregnancies-And-Totally-Understands

My last two girls are really close in age and it felt like I was pregnant forever. I call those days The Pod Years. I felt like a baby making pod and nothing belonged to me.

I think you're doing great. You're halfway there!

You have a way with words that just makes even the most insipid situations sound absolutely hilarious. Good luck with the pregnancy. Since you hate being told "Just wait...." I'll just say " Well, you knew what you were getting into ;-)".

This graph pretty much hit the nail on the head for me, although it's missing the part where random strangers ask you whether you're "toughening up your nipples" in advance of the baby. Ummm, and I know you how?

http://graphjam.com/2009/01/29/song-chart-memes-pregnancy/

No matter how much weight you gain, no matter how much you waddle now or in the next few months, you'll be back to your old self again soon. You just wait! :)

Your website is cheering me up in an otherwise not-so-great time! Thank you!

You're carrying this baby different because now YOU ARE ALL BROKEN IN!!! It is good that you are working out. You'll only gain baby weight, have less of a chance for diabetes, have more of a pain tolerance and your recovery will be quicker afterward. I ran into my 4th month with my first and did aerobics up to a week before delivery. With my second I did NOTHING and we both almost died. Seriously. I took that as a wake up call to continue to work out as much as I could. That was 14 years ago. Now I think that my body is a special package, even without a baby in it because my kids still need me.

Keep up the good work Heather! Jon too!

Now, I might be remembering this wrong, but in Bradley class I seem to remember them saying that pregnant women waddle not because they are fat, but because their pelvic bones actually begin to loosen in preparation of child birth. Cold comfort, I know... but still.

"Just wait..." may have been my least favorite thing to hear up until last week when I went to the grocery store and had this conversation:

Checker: So when are you due?

Me: March 17.

Checker: Wait, what? That makes you...

Me: Just over 7 months.

Checker: Are you having twins?!

"Just wait..." Yeah, I hated that one, too. I also couldn't stand "You may say that now, but..." Give it a rest, other mothers of the world! I was lucky, at least I never felt awkward or uncomfortable when I was pregnant, but that's only because my midwife practically burned me alive with her eyes anytime she found out I ate cake.

I am bookmarking your site right now to come back to whenever I am ready to have kids. All I ever hear re: this process is inane "just you wait" type-stuff, not a voice (yours) that is genuinely curious about your own unique experience of it, and trying to grapple with the right words for this experience, rather than lean on platitudes. "My body doesn't feel like my own"--isn't pregnancy just a completely new way of seeing the world? We normally look at it through typically male and able-bodied eyes, where our bodies are completely our own.

Just wondering how many cosmic points that the person who visits you in the hospital after you've given birth to that second child gets when they say to you, "You look thinner this time around than you did after your first..."

I dont remember much about my pregnancies. I am always amazed at those (my age) who remember every detail.

I need an honest friend like Carol. I'm enjoying your pregnancy updates, Heather. I missed them the first time around with Leta.

Best of luck with the pregnancy (and everything that follows)! I'm looking forward to reading all about it.

omg it WOULD have been funny if you didn't tell the trainer you were preggo. The confusion alone would be priceless.

also: the older I get the less I actually want to procreate. weird.

It's so fun being pregnant at the same time as you - it's like reading my own thoughts much better written - and since you are a few weeks ahead of me, sometimes it's like looking into a crystal ball of my immediate future. :)

I am on the short end of the spectrum, i.e. showing a lot (and a lot sooner than I did with my first) but I'm actually losing weight, which is really puzzling to me.

I love the pill

I love the pill

I love the pill

I'm sorry, miracle schmiracle. I know someday I'll probably do that, too, and yes, life is a great mystery and motherhood is amazing, blah blah blah. It is still WEIRD that another person grows INSIDE your body. Weird. Weird. Weird.

I tell my guy friend he waddles... then he found out his back is all messed from sitting at a computer too long. Ladies are so cute when they waddle (while pregnant)! Maybe it would be easier to just get a wheel chair?

I'd like to know what Daddy Scratches (#1) means by "*extremely* pregnant." Is that a sport, extreme pregnancy?

So glad to hear you say this, because it rings so true with me. I'm prenant with my 2nd, so you'd think I'd be comforted as my body changes (read: turns into a beached whale) in knowing that yes, the weight will come off later and things will (mostly) go back to normal. But somehow experience is not helping me here - I still feel weirdly panicked about the fact that my body likes to begin the baby-growing process starting in my butt and thighs. Doesn't it know that my belly is where that baby's supposed to be cooking?
Also, for those of us pregnant ladies out here who can't *help* but compare ourselves physically to your bump watch pics, thank you, thank you for reminding us that you are (a) very tall, and (b) naturally thin.

My stepson and his 19 yr old g/f just had a baby, and I told her all the way through how to feel better during and then, most importantly, after, and she listened to none of what I was saying. Pissed me off, why ask how to feel better then? Oh, yeah, as an excuse to gripe.
I love how you are doing everything you can to feel good instead of using preganancy as a diagnosis to give up on yourself.
I really related to what you say about the disorientation, honestly, my second child, my son, is now nine, and that never quite...dissapated. Maybe its because I am almost 40 now, I dunno. The only time I really feel just like myself is when I dance, so I put up a ballet barre, and I dance everyday.
Heather, thanks for sharing your life with us, for all these years now there are many times when I'm just like, yeah, yeah, exactly! Someone gets it!

Ah yes, the waddle. I always enjoyed when it became more and more obvious that I was pregnant. People are nicer to pregnant women. I'm impressed that you're doing that tough of a workout. I'd crumble.

When I was about 15 weeks pregnant with Lauren, I made her dad go buy us one of those scrolly iron headboards. I think they are ugly (I never was into shabby chic), but boy are they handy. Besides hanging a winch over the bed, the iron headboard was the only way I could haul my enormous self off the mattress for one of my multiple middle-of-the-night bathroom trips.

I don't recall waddling though. Mostly, I dragged my left leg behind me because my clever daughter found a way to press on my sciatic nerve (where it goes into my spine), so I pretty much lost use and feeling in that leg. My husband called me Quasimodo or Gimpy for most of my pregnancy. Which is one reason why he is now my EX husband.

As a woman who is just entering her 27th week with baby number 4, I totally understand. Except that I am not naturally thin. Other than that, I am in total agreement with feeling like your body is not your own.

I am almost 28 weeks along with my second pregnancy, and I am having a HELLATIOUS (is that a word?) time carrying this baby around. My back hurts almost constantly -- getting out of bed, getting out of a chair, walking down stairs. I feel like I am twice as huge with this one than my first. I am glad that I am not just a "special case" and unlike some of my pregnant friends am not able to bike, run, swim, do flip flops around with agile and ease. No, I am miserable.

I agree. It would have been HILARIOUS if you hadn't told her you were pregnant.

"Just wait" is slighty better than the words "Just relax" when spoken to a woman undergoing infertility treatment. Even docs and nurses who should know better about the superhuman powers of a female on fertility drugs spoke those fatal words to me more than once. Is there anything more relaxing than haveing scheduled sex or even worse, getting the specimen cup full of baby batter to a lab for a quick spin in the centrifuge and then to a 20 inch syringe insterted into the highest possible point by the doc who is using a nurse with a flashlight to "assist" him in the maternity triage ward where the volume of fetal monitors, puking, and labor-incuded moans are deafening? That was just insemination #1. Oh ya, I'm relaxed, no problem. I have 3 fabulous kids now (2 adopted and then the surprise pregnancy that everyone also says "you know that happens ALL the time"...grrr) and now no one DARES speak those two words to me.

Heather,
feeling like you're trapped in the movie "Body Snatchers" isn't ever very comforting, but just wait(I couldn't resist)-it gets soo much BETTER! I was terrified when I was pregnant with my second, and she has absolutely floored me. It was also quite amazing to me how different they were from the very start. I always thought gender differences were taught-until I had one child of each. The things that are instinctual to one is totally foreign to the other. Having a second child in our lives has only increased the love in our home. I hope you'll have the same experience we have.

Hey, at least you've got a good excuse for waddling and weight gain. Mine is due to too much beer. Which is due to too many kids.

Thank god you're back! I was a little concerned that a crazy-peptopink-smiley face-syrupy sweetie had kidnapped my favorite straight shootin' blogster! Dont let the pressure to be the perfect pregant mom dull that edge! Be you!

I suppose the only thing worse than "just wait" is "it will be over before you know it." So I won't say that. Even though it will.

Ooops. I hear a piano coming, gotta go.

The only time in my life when I've felt physically vulnerable was during pregnancy and for a few months afterward, when I was recovering from labor and then breastfeeding and responsible for something completely vulnerable. And I absolutely agree with you about feeling -- no, knowing -- that my body was no longer my own. Plus I was so fatigued during the whole pregnancy (I was 39) that I kept telling people I'd had a personality transplant.

Oh, Heather, that you are still working out at all makes you a Goddess of Preggerness. I think I took all nine months to lounge about and make others bring offerings to my Royal Couch. The differences of this pregnancy are there to give you fair warning as to the differences of your children. It would be WAY TO EASY if subsequent pregnancies were like strolling down a familiar path. Good luck, I'm glad you're feeling so much better than last time, and, well.... Just wait....

Sorry, couldn't help it. :-)

I know this is no help, but I think you look fantastic for a pregnant woman. But I know the feeling of your own body not being yours.

A few years ago I had a really bad snowboarding accident that led to me lying on a bed watching Law and Order and eating brownies for about 4 weeks. At the end of that month or so, my body had changed completely, and it was so scary.

Good luck!

Gyms should have trainers who specialize in pregnancy! Can I post a picture of you working out on my blog? (For reals. You can be right next to the Catriona Matthew, the golfer who won the LPGA Brazil Cup *five months preggo*.)

Could have used the humor and good nature in this post last night while sleeping on the couch, trying to wedge a pillow under my (recently much expanded) 25-week belly in an attempt to alleviate the MOST AWFUL PAIN in my side. A dull, rhythmic throbbing that made it impossible to sleep. That pillow, btw, was in addition to the one under my head and the other between my knees.

I took to attempting to fart instead. Got a couple good ones out, but they didn't help at all.

To all of those never-been-pregnants reading, I think the one thing that's missing here but is obvious to many of us is that this is all completely worth it. I'm slender and worried about the changes—feeling "fat" etc.— and low and behold I love every inch I grow and change, am thrilled to finally "look pregnant" and know it's all awesome because it's for a little guy I've never even met but adore completely. Don't let this be birth control—I don't think that's how it's meant—instead snicker for all of us waddlers and look forward to the day it's your turn. I hope you love it as much as many of us do!

I'll be 9 weeks tomorrow with a baby that is both our first and a surprise (though still eagerly anticipated). My husband, usually the resistor when it's condom time (surprise, surprise), vowed to devote himself to birth-controlled sex once this one arrives. It already feels like my body has abandoned me in the interest of doting on Baby. C'mon, body, I've taken care of you for over 25 years! Don't leave me like this! It can't be good for the baby for me to be regretting my entire existence while vomiting cheerios, can it? Right?

As if I need anyone to tell me to "just wait." My gosh, I have eyes. I do know other women who have given birth. I've seen the pregnant ladies with bellies out to there waddling down the street. Duh. I'm trying not to think about that right now, thanks.

Sex with a watermelon, eh? That sounds difficult. And MAN would that baby look weird. I recommend a Photoshop session of watermelon+Dooce to illustrate.

(PS: I think your spam filter is trying to tell us something: "New Maddox." As in, your watermelon baby would be more popular than Angelina Jolie's first-adopted!)

-->I felt like I had an alien inside of me when he'd start kicking. Is Baby #2 kicking you yet?

is it right to be jealous of a pregnant lady? not for her pregnancy (although, yes please can I have one that sticks?) but for her lovely long 'noodly appendages' that look even more lovely for 17lbs?

With my first pregnancy I was put on bedrest two-thirds of the way through and my bouncing baby boy was born 3 weeks early. So, throughout that "extremely pregnant" part of the pregnancy, I had dr.'s orders to do nothing, go nowhere, etc. I felt big and sluggish but I had NO IDEA. My second pregnancy was typical to the letter and I worked right up until the day my water broke. I remember, at the end, thinking, "oh my God, I cannot believe women do this with every pregnancy and keep having more babies!" If I'd have had to go through all that uncomfortable, heavy awkwardness the first time, I wonder if there would have been a second.... (Well, sure there would have been!)

Amen to the "Just wait ..." comment. The worst thing to say to a hormonal pregnant lady.

Just wait until I mow you over with my thunder thighs.

Wow. That's EXACTLY how I feel.

...Except instead of being pregnant, I'm being full of Indian food.

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Uh...it's Curry."

you're going to have a boy

I am 26 weeks pregnant and proud that I have only gained 22 lbs. This past weekend I was at a family wedding with many folks there that I had not seen since Christmas. The most common statement I heard was, "Wow! You sure have gotten a lot bigger since Christmas. Do you feel alright?" I am lucky that I am 5'10". Sure, I carry the weight better, but it also made it easier to spit in the faces of those annoying relatives that think it is cute to point out the obvious.

That tall penguin comment was funny!

The 'just wait' thing seems to have struck a chord, right? It just sounds so smug and dismissive. I've been hearing it a lot lately with respect to my 3-year-old boy. My response (in the vacuum of my mind) is not socially acceptable.

Good luck with your back - perhaps it will add an even greater element to the post-partum glow of "being done with this pregnancy shite."

Throughout my one and only pregnancy I referred to the experience as "the alien invasion". My childless friends thought that I was suffering from some sort of during-natal depression because I wasn't all "I'm so in love with my child..." But it truly was uncanny how my body ceased to be my own even though I was still resident

Dear Anonymous & Hollie,
I am really sorry, Hollie was totally right. I completely misinterpreted the comment. Guess I'm still young and stupid. I was just reading one of the archived posts about one when one of Heathers readers was bashing her incessantly and i guess i just associated the two. I shouldn't have said that, and I apologize sincerely.
Emily

just wait....
there's a beautiful baby girl on the other side.

As a 6'2" 21 week pregnant woman, AMEN to all that you said in this post.

You Rock...

Is it so sad that I was actually thinking to myself the other day, "I wonder if Dooce exercises? I know she's naturally skinny but that's just annoying if she doesn't exercise." I hate celeb magazines and E! and knowing too much about people I don't know, but for some reason I allow myself to think about whether or not you exercise. For this I hate myself, and love you.

Heather, I've loved reading your pregnancy tales this time around. I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant with our first child, and I feel like every morning I wake up in someone else's body. It's been so reassuring to read about what you're going through, especially when it seems like every single person I know has an opinion about what my pregnancy will be like. I come here to read about pregnancy because it's my "safe place," you would never tell me I'm going to look like a beached whale (thanks, father-in-law) or tell me that I must absolutely get rid of my dogs (thanks, um, everybody else).

Don't ever let anyone give you crap for writing about your pregnancy or your kids, people like me need to read it so there's a little more to be happy about in the world!

PS> Tolerating your trainer helps if he's a hot Korean guy. Mine looks exactly like the guy with the beer in the Wyndam Resorts ad running on your page... Makes the time fly (and is a huge motivator when it comes to making class).

Man that sucks... sorry...

But you look beautiful so no worries :-)

I hear ya. I'm due on June 22nd, and although this is my second pregnancy, I don't remember feeling this shitty at this point last time. My OB says it's normal for the second time to be harder on your body, but how come nobody mentioned this before now?? Gah. We won't know whether this kid is a boy or girl until Monday so I can't even shop to distract myself.

My son is 6 now... but I remember it like it was yesterday. :) Btw, since I discovered your blog - you have helped to brighten my day. This is my favorite blog!

Well I am childless but I imagine there might be a person or two who might miss me if I died/disappeared.

I realize you're joking but it sounds like "I have kids therefore I am loved and whole and you don't so you're not" thing is really fargin' annoying.

Some of us choose not to have kids. Some of us can't have kids. We are still loved. We would still me missed. Even if you don't think we would be.

So I guess I shouldn't pipe up and say I felt twice as BIG and out of control as you do at this point as I had twins second time around ;) OUCH! That piano was BIG...

You look gorgeous darling.

Love your blog and have been reading it for the past 2 years. I'm 8 weeks pregnant, my first child and I hate it. I hate that after 30 mins of exercise I want to lie down and that my boobs are one size up already and hurt. But I'm sure the pain will be worth it...right? right?

Sheesh, Karen. This IS a blog about Dooce. She is funny, and sometimes irreverent, but she is not mean. It is about her reflections on her life, which at this point is about her husband, daughter and new baby. You need to lighten up.

Missy @ 151, this comes from a very loving 31-weeks-along-and-huge place, but...you lucky, lucky bitch!! Your morale must have shot through the roof after that appointment!

I too have started to waddle this week. Fortunately I think the word "waddle" sounds funny so I don't mind as much. Waddle waddle waddle. But I did burst into tears last night realizing it's been two months since I got a good night's sleep and it will be another, oh, maybe 18 years before I sleep well again. Le sigh...

Not to be nitpicky, but I think your reference is to Fred Sanford...and it would be "this is the big one, 'Lizabeth..."

Now I'm going to go soak my head in the toilet for not only knowing this, but bothering to leave a comment on it.

This is not really related at all, but I thought of you... (sorry in advance if someone (million) has already suggested this book to you...)

Have you read The Story of Edgar Sawtelle? OMG is it wonderful. Maybe not the best book to read while pregnant or immediately after, but you'll love, love, love it.

"pregnancy is such an equalizing experience this way for most women." And that is precisely why it is so devastating not to be able to get pregnant. I'm stuck on the outside, unable to be an equal. I think you've summed it up perfectly. Truly. It explains the pain. Well said.

So, I'm watching Transporter 2, the movie... anyway, this actress who is playing a 'Audrey Billings' in the movie, looks just like you. I was like.. ITS DOOCE! I even went and looked up the movie specs to make sure the actress' name wasn't Heather Armstrong. lol

It wasn't.. it was Amber Valletta. I was so disappointed. Here is one of her promo photos so you can check it out for yourself.

http://www.imdb.com/media/rm1606130432/nm0005520

Maybe this comment was already made (I didn't read them all,) but I think Fred Sanford's wife's name was Elizabeth -the aunt was Esther. You look great! Congratulations on the baby!

Congrats being #8 on Forbes!

I have decided to adopt the word "wee waw" into my vocabulary bank. The best part is I work in a pharmacy. We like to keep things very "technical"

I'm glad to know two things: 1. you're having a girl, and 2. you're having a girl that lives in your back. I thought it was just me but my second pregnancy with my second girl was death on my back. And almost three years later, my back still hasn't recovered. The only "just wait" I have for you is just wait until your lower back is totally shot. I give you 10 more weeks. Oh, and just wait until you need to add yoga to your workouts for said back problems. Good times.

On the other hand, you do look rather adorable in that tutu.

Your post confirms my policy to not ever comment on anyone's pregnancy. :-))

Ha ha ha, thanks!
Hang in there pregnant woman, I know what you are going through, it will pass. You will even miss it :)

Just wait ... all good things are 3!

Btw. congrats to #8 on Forbes Web Celeb 25 (tho you definitely should rank higher).

http://www.forbes.com/2009/01/29/web-celebrities-internet-technology-web...

I'm in week 23 and I'm feeling the same things. It almost feels like I'm being over dramatic. I struggle to get out of a chair and I think to myself, "You're such a drama queen." But I really do have trouble.

You act like a piano falling on your head is a bad thing.

I think it's so funny when people don't announce their pregnancy and just let people feel awkward around them. LOL. You totally should have done that to your trainer.

I am twelve days away from my due date with my first child and I can't go over all the changes in my body. Because I am completely carrying all out front, I feel like I need those signs that big trucks have: "Woman makes wide turns. Keep out of blind spot."

Reading the comments you have received, one would think everybody and their sister is pregnant right now.

Well, I guess that's not entirely true. While I AM, my sister is not... Hmmm, you get my point though :)

I know I have no room to complain with most of you pregnant mama's out there, being only about 3 months along, but anytime anyone asks me how I am feeling and I tell them, "Kinda bloated." or "A little tired." I ALWAYS get the line "just wait..." cannot wait for 6 more months of that fun!

My second child, my son, is 16 years old. He has grown 7 inches in the last 18 months and is now 6'1". The other day he gave me a hug and my husband glanced over and causally said, "hard to imagine he came out from between your legs." A visual the 16 year old did not really need. Still... time passes all too swiftly.

At 51 and post menopausal since chemo, I envy you. That part of my life feels like someone else these days.

WV = kicked He hmmmmmmmmmmm

You are hilarious. I'm only 21 but the past year I've decided, somehow, that I want 4 children. Reading your descriptions of the pregnancy process scares me at times but also is extremely humorous.

I can only hope for your sense of humor when it comes time to pop out my little miracles! (can we call them that...? hehe)

Best of luck with the waddling

-Emily June

At least right now when people ask how many kids you have you can say that you have 1.5.

Plus think how much more accepted you will be in the community now that you are rearing another child that they can try to convert later on?

Don't you love how with a subsequent pregnancy everything happens so much faster? Boobs, fat ass, heartburn, constipation. All the fun stuff!

Amen, Heather!!! I am right there with you - 20 weeks today with my first child. First, we are having a boy if you are interested in hooking up our fetus' before they're even born. Second, it may be my first but I am already tired of the "Just wait...." crap I get from, well, everyone! I just want to say that reading your entries helps keep me sane right now and I can better realize I'm not going crazy - I am normal.

You pinpointed exactly what I am feeling at almost 26 weeks along with our first baby. Where did this belly come from? And who swapped my body with an alien's? Because my body does not have D cups and nipples the size of Rhode Island, I can tell you that.

Thank you for that. I am the opposite of you...very short, and with all of 1" between my ribs and my pelvic bone. Every extra ounce of weight puddles under my belly button. I eat a meal, I look pregnant.

So now that I am 13 weeks along with #3, and look like I'm 30 weeks, I'm already tired of the comments. Never mind the boob issues, which are still growing right on par with everything else. It's ridiculous. But I so appreciate the "great equalizer" comment. It's not easy for ANY of us. My greatest hope is that someday, this will happen EVERY SINGLE INDIVIDUAL on earth. Then EVERYBODY will just SHUT.UP. about it already.

you need a BellyBra.
http://www.bellybra.com/

Wahoo for pregnancy! I just wanted to say thanks for posting the Daily Coyote book. I saw it in Barnes and Noble last week and I was ECSTATIC!!! I followed her blog when it was just five or so posts.

SO excited. I looked through the whole book (no money with me at the time), and it was awesome to see photos I recognized.

Good luck with the waddle!

thank you thank you THANK YOU for putting into words what i've been feeling these days. i'm 19 wks and i've been likening it to feeling like alice falling down the rabbit hole some days.

and i totally agree--the "just you wait's" are almost as nauseating as the m/s was...

I say go with it. Take yourself down to the local sportsman's depot and buy yourself a duck-hunting quacking device.

At least you can walk! I know plenty who have been bed-ridden. Mine was just plain uncomfortable to walk further than from the couch to the freezer towards the end.

I was always told when pregnant not to start a fitness regime that I haven't already been doing. Don't decide to take up running or pole dancing if you don't already do it. Just be careful!!
Also, I was so tired with my 2nd pregnancy exactly how you describe it. I would nearly collapse after climbing the stairs and was constantly out of breath. I got a blood test and found I was dangerously anemic. Please get your iron levels checked!!

Best of luck!!

One question, are you getting paid to promote all these products on your style section - the scarves/coasters/cards, etc..? Please answer honestly - either way is fine (with another mouth to feed soon and all) but just interested to know. I think the readers have a right to know. thanks,

I so hear you. I'm at 25 weeks right now and long ago hit what my husband terms as "critical mass": the point at which my stomach protrudes farther forward than my ass does to the back.

Sorry ladies, this sweet-talker's already taken.

You know, this is the best description of pregnancy weight-gain by a thin woman that I've read. As a not naturally thin person, I appreciate this point of view a little more now than I did before. Thanks.

"And so when people ask me how I'm feeling now that I'm halfway through, I have to hold up a finger and ask them to wait a second while I shift my weight to the other foot. And by then I'm usually too out of breath to summon an answer." << I love that part! Hehe. =P

You're halfway through and looking, "GREAT!" Here's to the rest of the pregnancy being bearable.

Take, care.

Heather, the waddling comes when the hormones make your pelvic ligaments stretch. Second time they respond much faster having been stretched once before. I discovered mine one day when I started to run across a parking lot to meet someone, and completely embarrassed myself by being unable to do so! What the Hey? So utterly mind bogglingly weird to tell your body to do something and it just won't. A fast forward to life some decades in the future, that you don't know is coming, cause of course we all believe it only requires will power to remain the same, right? Sort of like those men who tell you (while you waddle) that it only took their wife 3 weeks to be back at pre-baby weight (what, did they keep them 24/7 on a treadmill in the basement allowing only bread and water?). I almost killed one guy who fed me that line of crap.

I want to thank you for sharing your experiences with us. When I was pregnant, no one understood why I felt like an alien had taken over my body. Not one of my friends would accept the fact that I wasn't a glowing, cheery, deliriously happy pregnant lady. They made me have a baby shower, with hors d'oeuvres and pink plastic babies floating in a red punch. "Why are there dead babies in the punch?" I asked. They were horrified. Who thinks putting plastic babies in red punch is a good idea??? It looked like an abortionist really busy night. I kept telling them they were lucky I was civil to them and allowed them to hang around and talk to me. I honestly could have killed more than a few people, mostly the ones I loved.

I love hearing that other people went through the same horrifying experiences! Some of the changes I went through made me feel like I was in a Sci-Fi movie! But, like most moms, I now am so in love with my son that I can't wait to go through it all again to have another bundle of fun and joy join our family.

That strange feeling you describe of not knowing your body
is also exactly how I feel after going through double bilateral mastectomy + hysterectomy + chemo. UGH! Hormones!
Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em!!!

Awesome post. Thank you very much.

I hear you! I am 33 weeks with #2 and am moving about with all of the grace and elegance of a hippo. And not the ballerina kind from Fantasia. More like a huge, balloon bottomed, wounded hippo.
My favorite is this:
THEN- "Hmm, I think I may have to pee. Oh well, I can hold it for awhile."
NOW- "Hmm, I think I may have to... oh, hello there pee."

Good times. Who convinced us to do this again??

I'm on my third and it doesn't get any easier. Although when I needed to go to the bathroom with my first born baby equity, I could make it in 5 seconds flat, that was my record.

I just found your blog recently and I love it!! You crack me up. Thanks for the laughs...these days that's the only way I'm burning any calories ;-)
You look Sweet honey

Heather, I hear ya! I don't know if it was inexperience or what, but the second child was much harder to carry than the first. I gained weight faster, waddled sooner, couldn't breathe, couldn't sleep, heartburn, and the stench that I could create from my bowels....good grief! What killed me is that I thought I was in pretty great shape before kind #2. At this point, I am 2 years post kid #2 and I STILL haven't recovered. I no longer have abs. KEEP THE PERSONAL TRAINER.

Hilarious as usual, but damn, pregnancy is such an equalizing experience for women. I was supposedly one of those "cute pregnant people" who looked like they shoved a basket ball up their shirt. But I have never felt so uncomfortable in my body (puberty was nothing).

Just a head's up, you might want to google "SPD" (symphis pubis disfunction?). I had it with my son, who is now 6 months old, and I still can't roll over in bed properly. Staring at about 25 weeks I had to sit down to put my pants on, and when I stood up after sitting I had to wait for my hips to pop back into place before I could walk. Was really fun with a 20 month old in the house.

Hahahah!!! That dreaded phrase.....If I had a dime for every time someone said that to me when I was pregnant, I wouldn't be worrying about going back to work on Monday because I would be RICH RICH RICH!!! Why is it people feel the need to inform you of the most awful things??? I don't get it...do they think that you're going to come back to them someday and say, "Hey...thanks for that heads up about the whole not-sleeping ever again thing..if it weren't for you I would never have been prepared."? I mean, really...

Thanks for posting...your dark sarcasm cracks me up!

Your text message conversation had me rolling on the floor. Thanks for the good laugh.

caraspides, si qereis ver material entrar aqui

Awesome post - a nice remedy for the baby lust I've been having lately (you'd think four labors would kill it, but no.) I took the time to read through your comments today - some of them are so funny. Thanks to all!

Oh, yeah, I definitely felt that my body had disappeared one night, leaving this other, alien thing in its place. Especially the last month or two: I'd get home from work, flake out on the couch, and pull up my shirt to watch my belly change shape. (I swear she was dancing in there!) Better than anything on TV!

And no one warned me that a) I'd still look pregnant for weeks after I had the baby or b) not only my hips but my ribcage would widen, permanently.

We're rooting for you, Dooce!

Good Post

Upon first survey of this blog, I am certain that I am in love with you (in a completely anonymous, actually just very envious of your successful blog and astonishingly intersting life way.) Congrats!

Heather, these posts make me remember my pregnancy (two years ago) in a really wonderful, nostalgic way. No, really! :) It's so much fun to read about all the big and small changes you're going through. Even as you complain (your GOD GIVEN RIGHT as a pregnant woman), your joy shines through. And you look adorable pregnant, especially in a tutu. Congratulations to you and your family!

First, you are so freaking awesome. I had a friend that used to go to yoga with me and we would plot murder against the instructor. Second, you nailed the whole "feeling like an alien thing. I was blessed and happy to be having a child, but felt like I was missing something because I... hated it. Perfect textbook pregnancy, and I still refer to the three trimesters as "sick, tired and sick and tired." I still don't feel like I'm back wholly living in this thing sometimes. After all of that growing of a fetus, why does pregnancy have the right to change my ability to find deodorant and shampoo that works? WTH, the kid is freaking two. Third, to comment to someone above me waaay up there, sometimes skinny women don't have stretch marks, sometimes they do. Skinny women ARE just like everyone else, after all, sometimes they win that lottery, sometimes they don't. Me= 5'2, 95 pounds pre-prego. Gained 40, lost 35, no stretchmarks. Friend= 5'3, 110 pre-prego, gained 65, lost 50 (so far, kid is 4 months) no stretchmarks. Friend# 2, 5'2 about 105, gained 30, lost it all and still has purple stretchmarks even though the kid is 2. Sometimes it just happens, sometimes it doesn't.

(Also, am super jealous of the tall, by 40 weeks I was carrying a torpedo baby that would get all on one side and TIP ME OVER)

Here's the cool thing about working out with a trainer while pregnant...your "wee waw" will snap right back into shape after the ol' watermelon passes through. Much, much better than the alternative.

So we all get those infamous lines when we're preggo. With my son it was "are you sure you aren't having twins?!" But the most... interesting one I just had to laugh along with. I was about 8 months pregnant with my daughter and headed to my OB checkup and right as I stepped on the elevator there were two nurses who looked at my belly then each other and started laughing as one said "Oohhhhh a pregnosaur!" *giggle giggle... gooooood one*...

I love your blogs and so much good articles, thanks!

I was so excited with my second pregnacy, when people said "just wait" or whatever annoying know-it-all phrase they could come up with, I could respond with, "I know! This is my second." Like I was some type of old baby-making pro! I remember my extreme disappointment when the first person come back with, "Oh just wait, two is so much harder." Great. There they go again! SERIOUSLY SHUT UP PEOPLE!

ouch. "She doesn't have any kids. No one will miss her."

I gotta agree with Karen here. Yeah, I know Heather was trying to be funny - and that's the point - she was thinking of her audience, and making them laugh. Us singles like to laugh, and be missed, too!

Otherwise, another entertaining and enjoyable post. I've never read such an honest account about pregnancy. Thanks for the honesty, Heather!

@ Comment # 279 tess:

THEN QUIT READING! Heather isnt writing to please everyone. So if you dont like what is on the menu, quit coming to this restaurant. She is a mom and proud of it and I like that. I dont have kids either, but I find the stories posted here, charming and funny. Sheesh...