• JaneD

    I can count on one hand the number of times I have felt like my body is actually my body since having my two kids. Even though everyone says pregnancy and childbirth are the most natural things in the world, it all felt very unnatural and alien to me. My kids rock, but it is still a very unsettling sensation to walk around everyday in a body that doesn’t feel like the one I knew for 34 years pre-kids.

    So I’m with you sister!

    Two kids is really a lot of fun, especially when they are old enough to play together and leave you alone!

  • http://www.teamfli.com Rochelle

    I say go with it. Take yourself down to the local sportsman’s depot and buy yourself a duck-hunting quacking device.

    At least you can walk! I know plenty who have been bed-ridden. Mine was just plain uncomfortable to walk further than from the couch to the freezer towards the end.

  • rb

    Really? My favorite pregnancy comments were the detailed stories about childbirth where someone died/nearly died/got really sick/was damaged or disabled for life. It seemed like everyone I met had at least two of these stories to tell me. And then they’d finish it up with, “You’re not going to be one of those awful women who goes back to work, are you?” (I was.)

  • holly

    I was always told when pregnant not to start a fitness regime that I haven’t already been doing. Don’t decide to take up running or pole dancing if you don’t already do it. Just be careful!!
    Also, I was so tired with my 2nd pregnancy exactly how you describe it. I would nearly collapse after climbing the stairs and was constantly out of breath. I got a blood test and found I was dangerously anemic. Please get your iron levels checked!!

    Best of luck!!

  • ShannonO

    I’m nearly 37 weeks pregnant with my first baby, a little girl (!). I completely and unabashedly empathize with your feeling of your body not being your own. That seems to be the understatement of pregnancy in general.

    As for people’s comments – - BE IT HEARD BY EVERYONE OUT THERE! – when talking to a pregnant woman, regardless of what fabulous bit of information that you have just DYING to come out of your mouth – say “congratulations” and MOVE ON. All other comments, maybe with the exception of “you look great”, should stay inside your head. Period. I can guarantee that there is nothing that you have to say that this pregnant stranger in front of you actually wants or needs to hear. Congratulations and shut up. that’s all. :)

  • maggie

    One question, are you getting paid to promote all these products on your style section – the scarves/coasters/cards, etc..? Please answer honestly – either way is fine (with another mouth to feed soon and all) but just interested to know. I think the readers have a right to know. thanks,

  • http://www.d3voiceworks.com d3 voiceworks

    Congratulations on the #8 position on Forbes. But … you’re described as a stay-at-home mom, which you’re not. It sort of diminishes what you do, here, and, clearly, what the Forbes ranking is. Gaaaa!

  • http://www.smithasylum.com dulcenea

    I so hear you. I’m at 25 weeks right now and long ago hit what my husband terms as “critical mass”: the point at which my stomach protrudes farther forward than my ass does to the back.

    Sorry ladies, this sweet-talker’s already taken.

  • Carolyn

    Because you said you’d welcome name suggestions:


    Are you going to share thoughts about names? I know you probably won’t disclose the winner / top contenders until after the birth, but maybe ideas you cross off the list?

    Happy naming!

  • http://stimeyland.blogspot.com Stimey

    You know, this is the best description of pregnancy weight-gain by a thin woman that I’ve read. As a not naturally thin person, I appreciate this point of view a little more now than I did before. Thanks.

  • http://www.kggraphix.com Krystlyn

    I’m hoping to get preggo this year-o and am so glad to read how it really is! It actually makes me look forward to it more! Not the pain or anything…but I’m chunky, and talk about comments you don’t want to hear, how about “how far along are you?”, and I reply, “I’m not pregnant”, there’s one that gets you in the heart! Well, one day I can be chunky for an acceptable reason! Not that I condone my chunkiness, I wish a gym around here would do a two for one trainer deal!

  • http://www.xanga.com/youfavoritecynic Ray

    “And so when people ask me how I’m feeling now that I’m halfway through, I have to hold up a finger and ask them to wait a second while I shift my weight to the other foot. And by then I’m usually too out of breath to summon an answer.” << I love that part! Hehe. =P

    You’re halfway through and looking, “GREAT!” Here’s to the rest of the pregnancy being bearable.

    Take, care.

  • http://www.canthardlywait38.blogspot.com Georgette

    You should try the pole dancing thing. It’s all the rage. And knowing that particular industry, they don’t discriminate the twinkie eaters.

  • catherine

    Heather, the waddling comes when the hormones make your pelvic ligaments stretch. Second time they respond much faster having been stretched once before. I discovered mine one day when I started to run across a parking lot to meet someone, and completely embarrassed myself by being unable to do so! What the Hey? So utterly mind bogglingly weird to tell your body to do something and it just won’t. A fast forward to life some decades in the future, that you don’t know is coming, cause of course we all believe it only requires will power to remain the same, right? Sort of like those men who tell you (while you waddle) that it only took their wife 3 weeks to be back at pre-baby weight (what, did they keep them 24/7 on a treadmill in the basement allowing only bread and water?). I almost killed one guy who fed me that line of crap.

    I want to thank you for sharing your experiences with us. When I was pregnant, no one understood why I felt like an alien had taken over my body. Not one of my friends would accept the fact that I wasn’t a glowing, cheery, deliriously happy pregnant lady. They made me have a baby shower, with hors d’oeuvres and pink plastic babies floating in a red punch. “Why are there dead babies in the punch?” I asked. They were horrified. Who thinks putting plastic babies in red punch is a good idea??? It looked like an abortionist really busy night. I kept telling them they were lucky I was civil to them and allowed them to hang around and talk to me. I honestly could have killed more than a few people, mostly the ones I loved.

  • Anonymous

    Congrats on being a Forbes web celeb!

  • http://www.diaperbagsinc.com Win a Free Diaper Bag

    I love hearing that other people went through the same horrifying experiences! Some of the changes I went through made me feel like I was in a Sci-Fi movie! But, like most moms, I now am so in love with my son that I can’t wait to go through it all again to have another bundle of fun and joy join our family.

  • http://www.quietlikehorses.com Sobrina

    I read the Virgin Airlines complaint letter Sybil posted and it made me laugh so hard I cried. I was sitting at work and had to cover my mouth with both hands to keep my uncontrollable laughter contained, lest it sound like I was having a major breakdown at work cackling maniacally at my desk.

    On another note, congrats on ranking in the top 10 of Forbes Top Web Celebs! That is quite a feat considering there are a bazillion and one blogs out there!!

  • Anonymous

    That strange feeling you describe of not knowing your body
    is also exactly how I feel after going through double bilateral mastectomy + hysterectomy + chemo. UGH! Hormones!
    Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em!!!

  • http://tutorialcompiler.com Ali Hussain

    I love working women

  • http://www.townsvillecomputerrepairs.com Anonymous

    Awesome post. Thank you very much.

  • http://sukie.mt-wudan.com/ sukie

    I’m officially going to try to use the words, “wee waw” for the next couple days!

  • http://sass-o-frass.blogspot.com momma2731

    I hear you! I am 33 weeks with #2 and am moving about with all of the grace and elegance of a hippo. And not the ballerina kind from Fantasia. More like a huge, balloon bottomed, wounded hippo.
    My favorite is this:
    THEN- “Hmm, I think I may have to pee. Oh well, I can hold it for awhile.”
    NOW- “Hmm, I think I may have to… oh, hello there pee.”

    Good times. Who convinced us to do this again??

  • http://www.litaslilleverden.blogspot.com Lise

    haha!! I`ts the first time I have read your website, and I think you are fantastic!! no wonder you have so many reades!
    Good luck to you!

    Lise from Norway:)

  • http://www.responsibleequityrelease.co.uk Baby Equity

    I’m on my third and it doesn’t get any easier. Although when I needed to go to the bathroom with my first born baby equity, I could make it in 5 seconds flat, that was my record.

  • http://www.articlesson.efven.com walkie

    Congrats on the forbs placement! Great blog!

  • http://www.livebhajans.com bhajans

    I just found your blog recently and I love it!! You crack me up. Thanks for the laughs…these days that’s the only way I’m burning any calories ;-)
    You look Sweet honey

  • http://retardedinlove.com Michelle

    Eh, sometimes I waddle when I’m tired.

    And I am definitely not pregnant.

  • NOVA

    Heather, I hear ya! I don’t know if it was inexperience or what, but the second child was much harder to carry than the first. I gained weight faster, waddled sooner, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t sleep, heartburn, and the stench that I could create from my bowels….good grief! What killed me is that I thought I was in pretty great shape before kind #2. At this point, I am 2 years post kid #2 and I STILL haven’t recovered. I no longer have abs. KEEP THE PERSONAL TRAINER.

  • slow-one

    You are one sexy preger. I luv u

  • Julie

    Hilarious as usual, but damn, pregnancy is such an equalizing experience for women. I was supposedly one of those “cute pregnant people” who looked like they shoved a basket ball up their shirt. But I have never felt so uncomfortable in my body (puberty was nothing).

  • Marnijll

    Ok, Woman, I seriously LOVE your blog and your writings and WISH I cold BE you or at least be your BFF… but you have ISSUES ma,a. With pregnancy…and weight..and body image, etc..I know from whence (??) I speak, having narrowly escaped anorexia in my college years, but seriously?? Your TINY, barey visible belly, as you lament it at 16 weeks, makes me worry that you have a serious disorder. I have never seen anyone, at 16 weeks, as non-pregnant-looing as you, as you expressed dismay at your big belly. I carried small, so i gte ti, but REEAALLY, woman? EMBRACE it. I know you are sick and have bad pregnancies,but dont even JOKE that you are getting large. You look like me on a skinny day when I decided to have pizza (and I am a fitness instructor!)ENJOY…eat everything in site and get BIG!!!

  • http://stephthesap.blogspot.com Steph

    Just a head’s up, you might want to google “SPD” (symphis pubis disfunction?). I had it with my son, who is now 6 months old, and I still can’t roll over in bed properly. Staring at about 25 weeks I had to sit down to put my pants on, and when I stood up after sitting I had to wait for my hips to pop back into place before I could walk. Was really fun with a 20 month old in the house.

  • http://daddyscratches.com Daddy Scratches

    I have never been more happy about having a penis than I was both times my wife was *extremely* pregnant with our children … not to mention the part where they came out of her vagina.

    Hang in there, Heather. (Like you have a choice, right?)

  • Michelle

    I am 29 weeks into my third pregnancy and a group exercise instructor. Let me tell you how happy I am that my participants finally realize that I am prego and not just getting fat! As for the waddling, I just asked my husband to pull me up from the couch and when I fell into him, he asked what I was doing and I informed him that I just couldn’t stop the movement. Best of luck!

  • Erin T

    Thank you for the laughter. I needed that today. Very badly.

  • http://www.thetrunksjunk.blogspot.com Jenn

    Hahahah!!! That dreaded phrase…..If I had a dime for every time someone said that to me when I was pregnant, I wouldn’t be worrying about going back to work on Monday because I would be RICH RICH RICH!!! Why is it people feel the need to inform you of the most awful things??? I don’t get it…do they think that you’re going to come back to them someday and say, “Hey…thanks for that heads up about the whole not-sleeping ever again thing..if it weren’t for you I would never have been prepared.”? I mean, really…

    Thanks for posting…your dark sarcasm cracks me up!

  • http://thedalaimama.net The Dalai Mama

    Your vibrant description has made me thankful for adoption and scared to death for the possibility of getting pregnant with IVF. My first two kids came to me with no physical symptoms other than stress.

    But an excuse to waddle–does seem handy.

  • http://www.themoodringshop.com Mood Ring

    Okay I just fell in love with your blog. I am also pregnant and find myself relating to you so well!

  • http://www.happinessontap.com Elizabeth_K

    The “just you wait” comments are not nearly as bad (in my opinion) as the “you really ARE big” comments. A pox on all pregnancy-commenters! You are allowed to say “May I go get you a box of chocolate?” and that is ALL!

  • http://evesecopinions.com/ Eve

    Your text message conversation had me rolling on the floor. Thanks for the good laugh.

  • http://www.pollycolephotography.com Polly

    you do realize that i’m going to go back through your entire blog and use it as a pregnancy manual right? and each time i’ll be so happy that someone else has been through it.

    thank you.

  • http://262291.blogspot.com Anonymous

    Gotta say, I don’t read your blog alot but occassionally my wife sends me quotes or articles to read and when I do I enjoy them alot. Great read. Very entertaining.

  • MoxieCrimefighter

    I’m right there with ya, sister. 22 weeks and feeling it – BIG TIME! I cannot believe I’m just over 50% done. I’ll be the size of a smallish elephant before this bambino pops out!

  • http://www.taladraculos.com Porno

    caraspides, si qereis ver material entrar aqui

  • http://seventenclark.com Karrey

    Man, pregnant ladies are the most effective form of birth control EVAR!

  • http://allmylittlewords.com Bella

    I think I love you for acknowledging that tall people are often naturally thin, which simultaneously acknowledges that we short people rarely look naturally thin. It is frustrating to always feel inferior because I will never feel that natural willowyness that many tall people have, yet they have no idea why.
    And even though you may not look all that big yet in your pregnancy, I understand how you feel about carrying around that extra weight. I really felt it when I was pregnant, and it did not suit me.
    You’re halfway there, good luck with the rest, and congratulations on the new addition to the Dooces : )

  • duck_jb

    “Just wait” equals the same amount of rage to me as “… let you.” did when I was a teenager. No one can tell me to wait as they know better and no one can ‘let’ me do anything. Ugh HATE HATE HATE HATE that line.

  • http://bighairandthejunkie.blogspot.com/ Lou Ann

    Awesome post – a nice remedy for the baby lust I’ve been having lately (you’d think four labors would kill it, but no.) I took the time to read through your comments today – some of them are so funny. Thanks to all!

  • http://kelseashell.livejournal.com Kelsey

    Ditto on the birth control comment. Ha! How’s Leta doing? Newsletter?

  • modernmama.co.uk

    Loving your blog! You’re an inspiration to women everywhere! And loving your dogs too – very cute. My two are just as mental!