Version 6.1

You may have noticed that last week we launched a modified design to this website, and I didn’t want to say anything about it for a few days because I just couldn’t get enough of the disgruntled email. I sort of inadvertently conducted a little social experiment, one where the longer I remained silent about the changes, the angrier certain people became. In fact, it started when I failed to update the masthead at the very beginning of February, when I dared to subject people to the words JANUARY 2009 for several unbearable days. Here’s what some of you had to say:

Are your Christmas lights still hanging outside? Perhaps your tree is still in the corner of your living room, dropping needles and ornaments on a regular basis? It’s February 9th. As in NOT January any longer. Please change your masthead. It’s an embarrassment.

And this missive sent on February 5th…

You make LIVING off of this website. Therefore; I feel you have a responsibility to your readership and sponsors to keep your site current.  I don’t have the slightest clue as how to design a masthead or a website or anything else for that matter.  But Dude, it’s mid-February.  Where’s the new masthead?

Some just cut to the chase, like this one sent on February 2nd:

It’s February and you haven’t changed your banner. So unprofessional.

Truth is, I was hoping that we could launch the major website design changes at the beginning of the month, but that date kept getting pushed back, and the February masthead I had designed fit the new layout. So I didn’t think it would upset the rotation of the Earth too much if the masthead remained in its January clothes for a few more days. Oh, how I underestimate the testiness of certain readers! I’m going to let you in on a secret… sometimes, when I’m feeling sinister, I like to use “your” when I mean “you’re” and “there” when I mean “they’re” because one or two or thirteen hundred of you find such a mistake so insufferable that you cannot help but send me an email that begins with, “I don’t usually do this, but…” and ends with your heads spontaneously exploding. It’s that popping sound I love so much.

And then the redesign… dear lord god, I don’t think I would have received such a strong response if I had visited your house and taken a shit in your Cheerios. There are several reasons I wanted to change things up a bit, and in the interest of being totally honest, the main one is BECAUSE I’M PREGNANT. The fact that I have not shaved my head and covered my face in tattoos can be explained only by my unwavering lethargy, and if I had maybe one or two cups of strong coffee I’d be out there right now looking for someone to dye my entire body blue. The need for change is as overwhelming as it is inexplicable, and this trickled right down into the design of my website. It’s probably all the hormones, but I was tempted for just a second to replace everything with a giant picture of my lily-white ass and a thought bubble shooting out of my crack. It would say: DUDE, IT’S MID-FEBRUARY.

Other reasons for the changes: many of you complained that the text was too small to read, so we enlarged the size of the text and added a bit of space around everything. Many of you complained that I never updated my website unaware that I post pictures and commentary every day in the Daily Photo, Daily Chuck, and Daily Style section of this website. Since I moved those thumbnails into the main content area, I’ve received countless emails to the tune of, “I like this new Daily Photo section you added…” A section that has been around for almost five years.

For those of you who found the relocation of those thumbnails a personal insult, I am terribly sorry, I did not mean for it to upset you so badly. We have since added tabs above the masthead that take you directly to the most recent post in those sections. I’m hoping this solves the navigational issues that frustrated so many of you.

Yes, I still plan on updating and changing the masthead every month, and I promise I will try to avoid using hot pink in future versions, although, did you read that paragraph above about spontaneous explosions? In the coming weeks we plan to launch several other changes mainly to the layout and function of the archives, changes that should make it so much easier to navigate through older content. It’s still a work in progress, and I’m listening to and taking notes of the more constructive suggestions. Best one so far:

I hate your new layout. Such a hassle to have to scroll. Two words: lame.

I asked Jon if he could please fix this bug.

  • http://www.bradschmitt.com Brad

    I’ve always found your site easy to navigate and frankly, I think only a complete moron would have trouble with it. Shame on you for not updating your masthead sooner though. I mean, you’re pregnant and you have a family. If you don’t update, the world will implode. You should really get your priorities straight.

    The internet is life, the rest is just details.

  • http://www.coupledumb.com Lee

    As always, you are an inspiration. You inspired me to start a blog and now I am inspired to fuck with my readers as well. I have always enjoyed pissing people off. Just another perk to writing.

  • http://anapestic.blogspot.com anapestic

    omg ur so mean! do u know how many days i wake up hungovr and i cant remember what month it is so i log on to dooce to find out and if u dont fix the headr i think its the wrong month and then all hell breaks lose and janury isnt my fav month to begin with and this year it seemed soooo long but i like februry and u shortend it so now im sad

    i like the new picture links tho. have u had dogs for a while?

  • http://www.joanauclair.com Joan

    I can’t believe anyone cares… oh, wait–those must be the people who pay to read your blog.

  • Beth

    I can’t imagine the torment of facing an inbox like that everyday, but I love, love, love your “dumb reader” posts. They make me laugh like nothing else.

    Also, your new “about me” pic is hot. Go sexy you.

  • http://geaux-dd.blogspot.com danielle

    I personally like the redesign. And I especially enjoyed that so many people got pissy over a site they voluntarily read.

    How is that regular readers of the site still don’t get your humor?

  • http://www.phatchik.blogspot.com Jamie AKA Phatchik

    Dude, that’s hysterical. Those people need to get jobs or a hobby or something because anyone who cares that much (!!!) about a masthead or the location of a thumbnail either has too much time on their hands or needs medication….or a bj.

  • Jaylene

    Some people have just WAY to much time on they’re :) hands! If that is all that they catch out of this website, then they should be banned from reading it! Keep up the good work, sister, they’re :) are those of us who appreciate what you do and how you do it!

  • Maureen

    I follow you through google reader – it all looked the same to me. My hubby works at a magazine – he feels your very exact pain, except for the whole pregnancy thing, he just had front row seats to mine.

    I got to confirm my post with ‘moist domestic’ how unsettling can you do something about that, I mean you earn your living off this site, be professional.

  • Sarah

    Hahahaha! Thanks for sharing the comments, they made me smile. I wish I had a web site where I could eff with people on a daily basis. instead I take out my aggression the old fashioned way, on my husband and in the car. Love the new site, btw.

  • http://www.reallybigpeach.com MMStarshine

    Hi,

    I love the site! Love the re-design. And I never though to complain about the new header being late. I promise to be more prompt in the future.

    Have to say, I love the people that say “You HAVE to do this this way because you are being paid by ads blah blah. And I hate how corporate your site feels with all the ads.” That cracked me up.

    You rock.

    -Katey

  • Caren

    Thank you for making me laugh out loud, really, I so needed that! Now I need to go and find out what an “entitled bitchez hat” looks like…

    Oh, and I appreciate the daily photo, daily chuck, daily style tabs. I figured out where things were but this makes it easy if I just have a minute and want to go straight to the chuck or style sections. Thanks!

  • Ann from Minnesota

    Oh! My! God! Are people really that hung up? Apparently they have WAY too much time on their hands! Love the new format!

  • Angela

    One word: People are retards.

    I enjoy the pink, it brightens up February which is a notoriously shitty month.

  • Marcey

    Heather, I have just finished nearly 8 months of reading your blog from the very beginning (10-20 posts per night, on average). I love your writing and feel stupid telling people about “this woman who’s blog I read”…but you are a treasure. Screw everyone. Thank God you have the balls necessary to withstand everyone’s yuck…enjoy every minute of what you’ve got. You and your family deserve it. I have been blessed many, many times by your honesty, and have cried laughing at the stories you tell. God love you, woman. I was just in Salt Lake for the weekend, and I have to admit, I looked for you in the airport. Silly fan that I am…

  • http://www.acdalton.wordpress.com Amy

    OMG, someone has got to cafepress a tee with “Two Words: Lame” on it.

  • http://home2k9.blogspot.com Cam

    Yes, comment #56 is astounding. Ellen sounds like she has personally been paying you to entertain her and that you’ve failed EPICALLY and shall henceforth be terminated from her employment. This is probably why I don’t have readers, too much change, too little posting… OH THE ANGUISH!!!

    Yer awesome. (AH!HA! A new incorrect spelling of “you’re”!) Keep up the good work!

  • lizinsumner

    You’re making those up, right???!!!! People don’t really send you emails like that – do they?? DO THEY??!!! Because I can’t believe that anyone even notices crap like that, let alone takes the time and effort to send obnoxious emails about it! So, could you, like, record the sound of the heads exploding and then post it somewhere on the blog (anywhere, doesn’t matter – I’ll be able to find it – I don’t need “remedial guidance tabs” at the top of the website to find stuff)so that I can play it and hear it too?? {{{shaking head in exaspiration at disgruntled peeps}}}….now, if these were people in the car in front of me driving like a TOTAL MORON, I’d notice….maybe even send them an email…or two…..

  • Andi

    Oh man, that was worth coming back to a skunk doused office for! You rock, as usual. As someone at the beginning of comments said “All the haters can suck it” and I can think of some pretty disgusting things they can suck on besides their hate filled, needing a life selves. Go on with your bad, change loving, lily white ass, pregnant self. Use all the friggen hot pink/fuschia you want. IT’S YOUR WEBSITE, even says so somewhere, maybe in the about this site section above the fuschia and great photos of the family?

  • http://www.addiebaby.com Meg

    Hilarious. Why do people get so upset about a website that they DON’T HAVE TO VISIT? Have you people ever heard of Google Reader?

    Love the new look. And I totally know what you mean about the need for change while pregnant. I cut my hair like Victoria Beckham’s a week before I gave birth. One of the worst things about my labor was it being to short to pull back with an elastic. Worst hair mistake ever…especially with a fat post-partum face.

  • Janie

    Oh Heather, you always make me laugh my ass off!

    Personally, I saw your February masthead was late…didn’t care, dude. (Since someone said this was your job, you shoulda put up a note that you were calling in sick.)
    I saw the changes…liked some, didn’t like others, but I hate change and it’s really not my business anyway.
    I can’t believe people actually reprimanded you though. That’s too funny. I’m glad the tardy police can’t see into my house. I went on a long weekend two weeks ago and the full suitcase is still sitting in the library unpacked. There are a couple of Christmas presents sitting on the coffee table…probably should mail those. Think there might still be a Christmas turkey leg in the crisper drawer too. And did you know that if you eat all the green Christmas M&Ms out of the candy dish and leave the red ones, they’re no longer Christmas M&Ms but Valentine’s Day M&Ms!

  • bran

    Dude the fifth is not the middle of a month.

    I was slow to figure out that I could click on the narrow picture views but thats me in the morning.

    thanks for blogging

  • Michael Ball

    I’ve got a suggestion: I find that there’s a very large area of blank space between the main text on the left and the ads on the right. If you minimise the space as much as possible, perhaps you could increase the size of photos.

    Also, I notice that you haven’t updated your FAQ to reflect Coco, like what breed is she, etc. Same thing with the 5D Mark II.

    (On a side note: I went to Momversation, heard your voice, and OH MY GOSH I’ve heard the Southern female version of me. This isn’t a good thing. In you, I can hear that annoying twitch in my own voice that I can’t explain in words beyond saying it’s like hearing an extremely annoying version of Kermit the frog. Don’t believe me? If I ever start a blog, I’ll send you a link to my voice. And then you’ll go there, listen, and think, HE’S MY LONG LOST BROTHER. And then I’ll hit you up for money every day.)

  • http://stampstars.blogspot.com Sarah

    seriously… wtf is with people and their stupid ass opinions. I changed my bio pic once and got a 4 paragraph email detailing concern for my well-being because I looked like a “street urchin”. I kid you not.

    Some people just sit around naked eating raw bacon dipped in mayonnaise while they are surfing the interwebs. Crazy nut bags.

  • http://writekudzu.blogspot.com Keetha

    “Two words: lame” That may be the best comment of its kind I’ve ever read.

    I can’t feature the people who email you about these things. Seriously, there’s a big wide world out there that perhaps that should get out and explore.

  • Michael

    Not bad… just an idea… A dooce.com iphone app. Not sure what it would do, but something to think about. Maybe it could be an app to connect mothers who exploit their families.

  • Lauren

    Please get over yourself. If you expect to attract traffic and readers you should be more polite. This post was incredibly rude and made me think differently. Ahh, the grand age of hipsters and bloggers.

  • http://www.yellaphant.com Bridget

    Who ARE these people and why do they CARE so much? Does it offend them? Do they really have nothing else to complain about? Or, better yet, do they spend their entire lives complaining about everything? See, now these haters got me all uppity and it isn’t even 10 am yet.

  • http://intransitblog.blogspot.com/ InTransitClaire

    Wow. Honestly, I know it’s cliche to say this, but don’t people have anything BETTER to do with their time than complain about the masthead on a blog? REALLY. Absolutely ridiculous.

  • Anonymous

    How beautiful and sophisticated you look in the trench pic. Way to freaking rock pregnacy lady. You go with your lily-white self. They’re I said it.
    Hey, help out the loyal readership…print the email addresses of the haters. We’uns could vent our frustations on them in return for them venting they’re frustrations on someone (pregnant yet! sharing her talent with us for free, yet!) who never said an (undeserved) unkind word to anyone. Just think about it, is all I’m sayin.

  • Tammy Reel

    two words: lame! haha!!
    I only have one word for that: are you serious?

  • Vicki

    Change. Yes we can!!! I thought for sure your change was in honor of the new administration. Either way, looks great to me!

  • http://oddgoodtrue.blogspot.com Cupcake Murphy

    You are beyond hilarious and creative and your turns of phrases and use of profanity deserve many awards so when I saw the sudden change I could not wait to hear your explanation about how everyone was having a heart attack. I love the redesign and I think you’re the best and quite honestly your lack of typos and grammatical errors make me have hope so if others are crankpusses they can just go eat the big crap you SHOULD take in their Cheerios.

  • Jenny

    So glad to see all the love here backing your decisions to modify your blog… it is your blog, right?

    Loving the new site… keep it up!

  • http://www.repliderium.com repliderium.com

    Seriously? I thought you were kidding until I continued reading….. Have these poor sad lamenting folks not yet realized that this is in fact YOUR blog as opposed to THEIRS?????
    Two words: Lame.
    (Almost peed my fucking pants. Had I been knocked up like you, I probably would have.)

  • Lisa G

    The hate mail posts are so entertaining! People are delightfully and inadvertently hilarious. I had a colleague at the high school where I teach write an email bitching about a student’s “fowl” language. It took ALL my self-control (minimal at best on a good day) not to cluck and honk every time I saw her. LOL as usual, Heather!

  • Anonymous

    I find it annoying that some readers believe that just because companies pay you to advertise for them, that the readers are entitled to something more. I don’t see them paying a subscription fee, so they can feel free to cancel at anytime. It’s a PERSONAL blog people and if you don’t enjoy what you read or see, then maybe you should just stop! That is if they can.

  • Loren

    two words: your my hero (purposeful on the “two” as well as the “your”

  • LauraLee

    Umm, it’s your website, you can do whatever the hell you want to it, especially posting a picture of your butt. The people that complain are the same people who have a problem with what’s on the TV, radio, etc. If you don’t like it, don’t effing come here (or watch or listen). Also, love the pink.

  • http://www.design-newyork.com rothbeastie

    Nothing new to add. Just wanted you to know the site looks great and the haterz can suck the big one.

  • http://www.re-ramblings.com/ Re

    isn’t lame one word? but what would i know, i’m just a journalist blogger who recently got dooced :)

  • Haley

    I just wanted to show my support, I was able to tell that you were making changes to the site, your site, which is something you have ever reason to do and there is nothing wrong with change,I love seeing that a blog has been updated to see what’s new, you are in the technology business and people would be stupid to not want change…..! & who cares if you’re a little behind on the month how many people forget to change the calendar over every now and then when life gets hectic, not to mention being a pregnant women…geez!

  • Anonymous

    I’m sorry people talk to you that way. I liked the look of the old site, and I love the new one too. Great job!

  • http://avuee.wordpress.com Cristina

    It’s your website. Do whatever the hell you want. If someone has a problem with it, you know the chance of them not coming back to your site is slim. So most likely they’ll come back with some anonymous handle and pretend they hate your site, when in truth, it’s their favorite.

  • http://lovelyracket.blogspot.com Jen

    You changed your layout?

  • Scott

    I liked the old layout better but the change certainly isn’t anything to get lathered up about.

    Since I visit your site mostly to look at your photographs I appreciate the link that was added to the top to take me straight into those. You take a lot of interesting shots. :-)

  • http://mettethomas.blogspot.com/ Mette Thomas

    Not sure if you taking a shit in my cheerio’s is the way i want to start the morning Its hard enough to get up in the morning and struggle to my 2 cups of strong coffee simultaneously. My big baby doesn’t sleep to well -aka 20 mth pain in the arse. So its a struggle to get up in the morning but to get up and view your blog i get to smile as i start the day, my day starts with coffee and blog reading while said child watches something on Nick jnr “thank you nick jnr”.

    So anyway what ever you change it to is cool i just personally read the content and don’t fuss to much about the changes apart from admiring them of course – so keep it up and ill follow no matter what you do, unless of course you choose to shit in my cheerio’s then i may turn off you a little !!!

    If i add you to my Google reader do the other sections i.e. photo a day etc show up or is it only if you post – guess i could answer that myself and just see but soo much easier to ask you LOL.

    thanks for the help and entertainment

    Mette

  • Ashley

    thank god people like that exist. reminding the rest of us that we aren’t as crazy as we thought we were.

  • Jamie

    Is that bug you speak of the one up that person’s butt? If so, I recommend Jon double glove for that two word phrase. La-Ame. This could get messy.

  • Anonymous

    Hey all you fricking whiners posting on this blog, leave the poor girl alone and get your own damn website in which you can make money off of. You can’t then either read it and like it or don’t read it and say nothing. Heather I like your new website, its colorful and fun, and the date who f’ing cares!!! Look at a calendar if you are confused by the date! Thanks for the blogs heather, they are great!