• http://i8pixistix.blogspot.com J.Cro

    In this photo Fred looks rather cute!

  • http://indapuddingclub.blogspot.com/ Lauren

    I’m 30 weeks knocked up and even reading about your broken tortilla chip brings tears to my eyes. I mean, that could happen to me, and it would be just too tragic for words. Are third trimesters always this sad? The first trimester, sure, but this hysterical half-laughing – half-crying business is just not on.

  • KT

    Thank you…needed the laugh! I’m 30 weeks and the last two days I feel like my rib cage is being split apart, and shaving/personal grooming in “certain areas” has become near impossible.

    I just said to a co-worker that when strangers smile at me while noticeably staring at my belly I want to punch them in the throat…and then I would probably burst into tears.

  • http://azmommy.blogspot.com/ Vicky

    You look great. I agree, baby has not dropped at all.

  • http://www.becomingsarah.com Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com

    What a brilliant way to mention the belly button phenomenon. I’m 30 weeks pregnant right now and I swear my belly button is a magnet. People try to resist, but they cannot, and honestly? They spent the whole first two trimesters staring at my newfound boobs like WHAT?! YOU HAVE BREASTS?! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?! So I’m totally down with them looking elsewhere.

    I just wish “elsewhere” were my face lol.

    Awesome post!

  • Rhonda

    Ohhh, I remember those days. I swear I thought my first one stuck his feet out of me everytime he stretched. It always seemed to happen when my husband and I were in the car going someplace and he’d always turn and head for the closest ER. Those were some shocking sensations. I also thought I was one of the lucky ones when during my first pregnancy I didn’t get a Fred…My second time around I had a Fred and the weirdest flat spot that made me look like I’d been leaning up against a wall. This only enhanced the size of my Fred. Fred never really left either. We call him Droopy now. You look great and I wish you the best of luck.

  • http://www.frugalfeasts.blogspot.com suzanne

    I have used duct tape to push my bellybutton back in and keep focus on my giant pregnant ass where it belongs.

  • erika

    not sure if you subscribe to Urban word of the day, but this was from earlier this week…

    RESCUE CHIP

    A rescue chip is the chip you use to fish the bits of the first one that broke apart in the dip.

    ex.
    My tortilla chip busted when I tried to load it with extra salsa so I gotta get a rescue chip to recover the pieces.

    anyway… you look awesome!

  • http://www.tbonelee.blogspot.com Jess

    I’m not now nor have I ever been pregnant….but your description of crying with the toothbrush hanging out of your mouth and your husband laughing at you sounds like what I anticipate my pregnancy to be like….no less than three years from now….complete with lots of mockery.

  • http://MammaPo.blogspot.com Mamma Po

    Great photo. You look so amazing for 34 weeks preggers. I was this size soon after I took my pregnancy test (I am normally a UK size 8). First time round. Thankfully never got any oedema (swelling anywhere else but your belly, for any blokes reading these comments) in the rest of my body so at least could pointedly show people I was pregnant not fat, honest. And that the 3 rounds of toast I’d had for my second breakfast was just to keep the morning sickness at bay. Everyone knows that, right?

  • http://www.ivoryandmoss.com Bianca@ivoryandmoss.com

    OMG. That is too cute.
    Yep I had the same issue with the protruding belly button. seems like at that stage everything is protruding, belly boobs butt! Even my nose got big! But its super cool to see that belly moving around I love it!!
    ivoryandmoss.blogspot.com

  • http://kerryleeslovelylittlelife.blogspot.com/ Kerry

    Reading your comments, everyone is preganant right now. Seriously. I am no exception. 36 weeks with a baby who is already 6lbs, 10oz. OUT! NOW!

    I dreaded the outie belly button happening, but it has not yet so, yay.

    Unfortunately, it has puckered and come just near enough to the surface that my boyfriend says it looks like our kitten’s butt. And I can’t disagree. Lovely.

  • http://www.realityfish.com Robin G.

    Well, I’d recommend bourbon to deal with all this, but tragically it isn’t a viable solution yet. Hrm.

  • http://anywayiwasjustthinking.blogspot.com Liz C

    Hey, at least Fred proves you’re still human. My belly button COMPLETELY disappeared in late pregnancy. Just the barest discoloration where the wrinkles used to be. Freaky! I was so happy that it reappeared after the birth.

    Also, I used to have dreams that my baby would press her face against the inside of my belly and I could see her in complete bas relief, as if my skin and tissues and everything were only as thick as a balloon.

    BTW, in about 20 years you are going to think that’s the most adorable photo ever. Trust me.

  • http://hallesophia.blogspot.com Raezin

    When my belly button started sticking out in my pregnancy, the hyper-belly-touchers became less inclined to rub my tummy. Except for this one guy who said “buddha-buddha-buddha-buddha-buddha”… I kept waiting for him to realize I had stopped laughing, like, twenty buddha’s ago.

  • http://www.meandthekid.net Katie

    You look beautiful and radiant and I covet your shirt. Did you take your eyeballs in and say, make me a shirt that is this color or what? Or maybe you have mirror type eyes like mine where different colors in your clothes change your eye color. Either way, you look beautiful.

  • http://www.jhsizzle.typepad.com/ Janie

    Heather, you are this ex-Mormon girl’s gift for managing to survive a childhood and adolescence spent in Utah County. Luckily I escaped and now pay homage to the Supreme Being of my choice by tuning in here every day. This is my first comment – love the photo and hope you and Fred are eeking out a peaceful existence. Also wanted to let you know that your Sucked book was my first purchase on my new kindle. I am convinced there was no better way to christen it.

  • Tess

    Wow. You are seriously gorgeous. I am currently praying to my heathen gods of looking hot that my pregnancy leaves me looking half as good as you.

  • Renee

    I’m 36 weeks and cried today. Because why? Because I have completely lost my voice due to a cold and can’t get thoughts out properly to my husband on what we need to do asap! Oh, I also cried on Sunday because my husband and I were out shopping and I got hungry. He took me to my favorite resturant and but didn’t want to order anything because he wasn’t hungry. So, I cried in the resturant because we weren’t hungry at the same time. Non-preggo, I’m not emotional, but now I cry if the dog decides to sleep on the floor versus the bed. My husband learned in our birth classes two weeks ago about postpardum and his reaction to the whole class was “What?! You mean to tell me she’s going to cry after the baby is here, too?”

  • Christina

    You look beautiful! Really, just stunning. ♥

    I’m just a little over half way done with your book and I love it. I read it while walking on the treadmill (torturemill) and the time passes so fast as I alternately laugh and cry that before I know it I’ve done 2 miles. So thank you for that!

  • http://www.alsotea.blogspot.com Becca D-H

    You are, as always, brilliant. Your readers are all here with you lady! You and your wonderful (crazy) family.

  • http://www.thephotofather.com Tom

    Holy crap, I thought that was a fingertip….

  • http://zipbagofbones.blogspot.com Cat

    You’re freaking gorgeous.

    PS – I bet it was actually pretty funny.

  • http://www.humanbeingblog.wordpress.com Lynn @ human, being

    Last Wed., a very pregnant colleague bit my head off for absolutely no reason then burst into tears. I laughed at her because it was funny, and because I remember that point of total pregnancy bewilderment.

    She went into labor right then and there, 2 weeks early.

    She thanked me yesterday and told me that she only had to push ONCE and didn’t tear at all. (bitch)

    Which goes to say that if you’re really done being pregnant, give me a call, and I’ll laugh at you with the hopes that humiliation induces you as well.

    Lynn

  • http://www.kage-g.blogspot.com Kristen

    So I may not be pregnant, but I can totally relate to the crying (mine are PMS tears)…like when we were driving to work in the morning last week, and there were EMT’s (Emergency Medical Technicians) striking, standing on street corners and holding signs…and people were honking for them, and to my boyfriend’s horror, I started crying. It was just so touching…everyone was honking in support. Or the Best Buy Mother’s Day commercial….which I saw again this week, and now I’m totally ashamed and embarrassed for crying while watching it! Good thing I didn’t see that beautiful 34 Weeks picture last week or I would have cried from that too!

  • Herry

    you do look a bit small? do you have very small babies?

  • http://livefromthefence.blogspot.com Kami Lewis Levin

    Hormones rock, don’t they? I gave birth to my second 14 months ago and mother’s day commercials still make me cry. Man, giving another person life is cake.

  • Mary

    Heather you look sooo cute! I hope I’m half as cute as you when I’m pregnant :)

    Also PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE show more of the baby’s room! I absolutely love your style and you are making me rethink any design idea I ever had for a baby’s room. It’s so chic!!

    Finally, all you needed with that salsa/chip fiasco was a “rescue chip” – the word of the day on urbandictionary for May 3. Happens to the best of us!

  • Jills

    Shame on you for me giving me false hope that I could look that f-ing gorgeous when 34 weeks pregnant. You’re putting us all on right? You just have a skin covered basketball attached to you, right? RIGHT?!?!?! Seriously, I’m mad at you for looking so good.

  • http://bilateralhaze.wordpress.com/ Lara

    You look fabulous, Heather. My belly looked like a highway road map by that time in my pregnancy!

  • http://www.stuffchickswant.com/ Arwen

    …quite possibly one of my favorite posts to date. Made me laugh hard enough that I ALMOST forgot about the fact that some avocado from my sandwich found its way to my desk chair, where I then sat on it and proceeded to walk around the office for an HOUR before realizing I had green crap smushed all over my ass. Bravo, Dooce.

    -Arwen

  • Julie

    Thank you for the much needed Thursday afternoon laugh! And a few tears of my own :) You look amazing! I only hope that I can look half as great when I’m at this point.

  • Susie

    Ah, the dreaded protruding belly-button… I think all women get them while extremely pregnant, however it is very disturbing to see a man with one… Particularly a man on the beach at a resort, who is talking to me and rubbing his stomach like a pregnant woman would… It was very disturbing. Made even more so by the alarming skinniness of the rest of this man, except for his tummy which was about on par with yours… I still think he may have had a baby in there… Obviously I am still reliving this moment and need to talk to my therapist about it! Take care, you look great!

  • Meranath

    34 weeks!!

    I just had my first baby Friday (I was going to say “we” but the husband sure as hell didn’t push anything out his vagina). When you posted that you were pregnant and only 6 weeks behind my due date I was so excited LOL. OMG MY FAVOURITE BLOGGER IS PREGNANT TOO!! I’m such a nerd.

    My belly button never popped out. I’m convinced it’s a black hole that eats socks and hair ties.

  • ember
  • http://1bigchaotichappyfamily.blogspot.com CraezieLady

    Words cannot express the magnitude of your hilarity! Honestly, how can you live with yourself and not pee in your pants all the time from laughing so hard? Or is Jon who’s doing all the laugh-peeing? Great post, I freakin’ loved it!

  • http://www.peachyhollow.com Nin

    I’m a week ahead of you, and in the past 7 days I have completely dropped and my belly is now where your crotch is. Except we’re having a boy and the world and his wife keep telling me that they hang out a bit lower anyway.

  • http://maneuveringmotherhood.blogspot.com Maneuvering Motherhood

    Heather – I can’t believe how little your bump is for as far along as you are. Seriously, I was that size when I was, like, 4 HOURS pregnant. You’re lucky!

  • Julie

    My five year old sitting next to me said “I think she is going to have a baby.’ He is very observant.

  • http://saltyspoon.com Bria

    Tom @145 – thanks for the best That’s What She Said set up I’ve had in weeks.

  • http://bethalea.blogspot.com just beth

    I would totally make out with Fred.

    xo

    b.

  • Jae

    Best wishes!

    Your eyes are purdy! :)

  • http://figcookies.blogharbor.com Caren

    Once again, you look amazing!!

  • Jo-Anne

    Is it wierd to want to feel ‘scraping of the cervix’ by little feet? I’m beginning to think that I should count my chickens before they hatch and leave my eggs unfertilized!

  • Mari

    Your writing is a gift. One that arrives pretty much five days a week. I look forward to checking your site each day after work. As a new grandma, my response is always grandmotherly, hoping all goes well for you. You are doing great.

  • http://chocolatesaltyblog.blogspot.com Minigirl555

    You make me laugh. I love this site.

  • http://moderndayrickyandlucy.blogspot.com/ Lucy

    I too am 34 weeks and could have totally written this post. I cry, I’m annoyed, I pee. I cry, I’m annoyed, I pee. Lather, rinse, repeat.

  • http://www.CookingSchoolConfidential.com CookingSchoolConfidential.com

    Toothpaste on the t-shirt – is there anything more worthy of a good cry? Two days before my period and any toothpaste-related mishap is not only worth a good cry but, somehow, is clearly the fault of the husband.

    I’m just saying.

    Cheers!

  • http://craftymelicious.wordpress.com/ Melissa

    I’m so glad there was a post when I checked out your blog tonight. Because I just finished your book and the withdrawal was getting painful.

    You are beautiful. (Getting tired of hearing that yet?)

    And Fred’s pretty cute too.

  • http://www.Beverly-Useyourwords.blogspot.com Beverly Dixon

    When I was pregnant, while ironing, I ironed my tummy, aka,
    baby bump