• Deviline Kin

    Being in the UK I often think that on my first visit to the States I’ll have to do a ‘culinary Dooce tour of confectionery joy’. Then follow it up with looong email to you Heather explaining just how many times I cursed your name in the queasy hours that follow. Everyone is invited! Thank you for the new additions to my fantasy list of food.

  • Sarah

    I just googled Crunch ‘n Munch because I have not had the pleasure of consuming it (birth year: 1980).

    What is it? The ingredient list begins: corn syrup, sugar, peanuts, popcorn.

    I am just a bit amazed by how they managed to make this snack more sugar coating than stuff-that-is-being-sugar-coated. They must be really pushing the boundaries of food science with this one.

    And, to really seal the deal, the next ingredient is … butter!


  • http://www.divorcingdaze.com laurie

    Hang in there, Dooce…it will all come out soon….

  • eileen

    Evil, evil read after an “ease up on the carbs, hunny, or you’ll be a whale” doctor’s appointment at 6 months preggo. Traveling to delicious Japan for business recently really didn’t help. As a Milwaukee-born girl living in LA, I’m considering lying to the airlines to be able to fly to the Wisconsin State Fair a month before I’m due for the sole purpose of eating cream puffs, cheese curds and gigantic pickles!

  • http://www.monkeythoughts.com Monkey

    Raspberry Zingers were the BEST!
    Which, incidentally, is the perfect name for a kid.

  • http://amandablogandkiss.wordpress.com/ AmandaBlogandKiss

    OMG curse that person (commenter 7) for mentioning Krimpets!!! I miss them!

    And to commenter number 45:
    My brothers and I would also be left in the car during my dad’s trips into the grocery store (he always took AGES, probably getting away from us now that I think about it…). We would start clowning around then end up in full battle mode. Something akin to caged animals, for sure. Grrr.

  • JennyM

    Wait, Travis shot Old Yeller?!? I guess there isn’t any Easter Bunny, either.

  • Catie

    I just love how half the comments are junk food related and half are hemorrhoid related. Not the normal mix of conversation any where other than here.

    And I have to say I agree with the one girl at the top, half the time your post make me wanna go cuddle with my fiance and make pretty babies and the other half make me want to get my uterus removed and as quickly as possible. though if I got pregggers I’d have to give up margaritas and THAT isn’t happening any time soon!

    We’re not junk food people normally but I can polish off a half gallon of ice cream in a sitting should the right mood strike. In fact Breyers is probably the only reason I’ve survived grad school.

  • http://sforshenanigans.blogspot.com/ Shenanigans

    Is it me or does every one else have an annoying MacDonald’s banner leaping up and obscuring the top post EVERY SINGLE TIME?

  • lisa marie byrd

    Crunch ‘n Munch. Fiddle Faddle. Poppycock. I learned last week that one of my best friends’ husbands does Quality Control for the factory in Nebraska that pumps that stuff out. He brought me a 5 lb bag (no kidding) of Cashew Poppycock.

    I died. Right there.

    Jon – contact me if you need some more. Seems I’ve got a neverending supply!

  • Mackenzie

    The internet is in such a good mood today! Nothing brings people together like the love of empty calories. Maybe they should serve Crunch N’ Munch at the next Arab/Israeli summit? They should talk about it, at the very least.

  • http://www.iambossy.com/ BOSSY

    Hmm – this post got Bossy thinking… perhaps for the sake of simplification, Bugles should come flavored with Hemorrhoid instant cooling cream. You know, one stop shopping for the digestive system?

  • http://iamafishie.blogspot.com Alicia

    Since I couldn’t comment on the actual photo, I just wanted to say, your bedroom is AMAZING! You might think there are imperfections worth noting but I think it’s beautiful. Can you decorate my house?

    Also, they need to have those orange cupcakes at the grocery in bulk too. Going to a gas station when I’m craving those seems sad.

  • http://www.CookingSchoolConfidential.com CookingSchoolConfidential.com

    Ah food, the great love affair!

    I spend all day making gourmet dishes at culinary school (I’m a cooking school student), but I still crave, oh, cupcakes and potato chips.

    You can run, but you can’t hide!

    Cheers and enjoy the pregnancy.

  • http://www.lovemaegan.com …love Maegan

    mmmmm coffee cake.

  • http://www.becomingsomething.com Natasha

    I have solved your cover-hogging, searing-Jon-with-your-inhuman-body-temperature problems: YOU DON’T HAVE A KING SIZED BED. I’m shocked, really. My husband and I are both slim, averagely heighted (him a wee bit shorter than that) people and even the king size is too small for me.

    Calgary says you’re welcome and come back soon.

  • Anonymous

    Now I want Hostess.

  • http://www.candysticklane.blogspot Candy Stick Lane

    OMG!!! Im seriously rolling in the floor laughing! YOu are TOO much! I never recovered from my eating habits from the last of the last trimester! Hang on tight!!! LOL

  • http://bloodlikemilk.com Linz

    Because of this entry I have to get off my ass and go to the grocery store haha!

  • http://our-goings-on.blogspot.com emily

    Do you know why they call them Tucs? Yeah. Exactly. Fold up a few of them babies and your ass practically swallows them whole. Don’t worry. The weight of each individual butt cheek creates a steel door trapping them in place. Peel them off and put in a couple more. Repeat as needed.

    My fondest memories of hemmorhoids start with my second child. Standing from a sitting position was equivalent to what I imagine daggers being shoved up my ass would feel like.

    I’ll give you something to crunch and munch on, Jon. Heh.

  • Ingrid

    By the way, this post gave me the urge to read about crunch n munch on wikipedia (I know what crunch n much is, but I just like to see what wikipedia has to say on various topics) and it also linked to fiddle faddle and poppycock. Do you know what poppycock means? Its an anglicized form of the Dutch word for diarrhea.

  • http://www.kitchenwitchcookie.wordpress.com Casey

    Lest other women out there, pregnant or otherwise, go looking for Zingers with the Hostess products, I want to mention that they are made by a company called Dolly Madison. So if Dolly Madison can be found in your region, you’re in luck. Otherwise…not so much.

  • http://www.utahbabyguide.com Jessica

    I LOVE your blog!

    As far as the hemorrhoid cream goes, have you tried witch hazel pads?

    Good luck and thanks for the laugh! You rock!

  • Amanda

    Does anyone else remember Magic Middles? I loved those things. I miss them.

    Also, I have the annoying McDonald’s banner problem too. :(

  • Thaís

    Ok, I don’t have anything to say about your post. But your book just got here and I’m so F***ING HAPPY. I ordered it almost one month ago, for my birthday, but since I live far away in Brazil, it takes FOREVER for anything to get here.
    Well, I’m just glad I had already showered today, because I’m not doing ANYTHING ELSE until I finish it.
    Thank you for an excellent present!

  • Keri

    So this week I started my No I Really Mean it This Time Diet, 5 months postpartum. And I was considering going to Target on my lunch break today to do some shopping and browsing just for fun, and now I’m afraid I’ll be tempted to hit the snack aisle after reading about your trip to the store. Thanks, that was very cruel of you, but it definitely made me laugh, so it was worth it. :)

    Also, I wanted to say that the photos over your bed are really cool!

  • http://www.beanma.com BeanMa

    Personally a fan of knock-off crocs (good foot support) and zinc oxide for hemorrhoids.

  • http://angryredhead.wordpress.com Candice

    I suddenly have the munchies…

  • http://indapuddingclub.blogspot.com/ Lauren

    Curse you. Curse you for mentioning Entenmann’s while I’m stuck in England pregnant without their delicious cakes and doughnuts.

  • http://iamabiggirl.blogspot.com CRah

    Now I can’t stop thinking about Nacho Cheese Bugles and how much I want a million. Or two.


    PMS-y woman on a diet who already had her lunch and shouldn’t be thinking about any food except carrot sticks.

  • Angie @ 36 Weeks

    MMMMMMMM…Bugles. Alas, we have no nacho cheese flavor in Eastern Canada. But we DO have Roast Chicken chips. By the way, your husband the stern disciplinarian? Hot. Just sayin’.

  • http://shmaytalk.blogspot.com Taylee

    I continuously tell people I’m screwed when I get pregnant someday. For the very fact that I will eat my way through the 9 months. And or have “oral sex” with every delicious morsel of junk food that crosses my path. Hell look at me now… I was needing something salty and so I bought a large back of potato chips. Heaven forbid I just eat a pickle or cut up a tomato and sprinkle a little salt. No, I NEED a whole bag of potato chips. God, and now a powdered donut is all I can think about. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

  • http://saltyspoon.com Bria

    Natasha @226 I’m pretty sure that’s a king-sized bed.

  • http://i8pixistix.blogspot.com J.Cro

    This – “THANK GOD MY BUTT HAS CHOICES!” made me crack up OUT LOUD. I am at work and sitting in small room not ten feet from another person and I had to muffle myself. So actually, I didn’t crack up out loud, I rather snuffled and snorted out my nose.

    Thank you for making the end of my day so funny.

  • http://i8pixistix.blogspot.com J.Cro

    Oh yes, and I LOVE your duvet cover!!

  • Anonymous

    okay, this has bothered me since you were pregnant with leta but i never wanted to say anything because i do enjoy your writing and am not, by any means, one of your “haters”.
    but- heather, women have babies. we have been doing so for millions of years. it happens thousands of times a day. it’s not that hard. it doesn’t give you free reign to be lazy and bitchy and self absorbed. just reading you whine about this heroic, monumental task you have taken on by being PREGNANT with a HUMAN CHILD is exhausting and obnoxious. jon probably does deserve/need that indulgence more than you. seriously, woman, get over yourself.

    sorry about lack of capitalization, i am breastfeeding as i type this.

  • http://saltyspoon.com Bria

    So…if calling someone “lazy and bitchy and self absorbed” and “exhausting and obnoxious” while telling her to get over herself *isn’t* being a hater, where exactly is that line, Anonymous @ 247? I mean, cripes, I’d hate to hear what you say to people you don’t like.

  • http://www.pleasurenotes.com emma

    I really wish there’d been a warning label at the beginning of this post to scare off those of us who haven’t eaten lunch yet. I now want to kill someone for some damn coffee cake. And I don’t even like coffee cake. I can’t imagine how much worse my insanity would be if I also had a creature inside consuming all the nutrients I’m digesting. I’m in awe that you don’t stage Clive Owen-inspired heists to abscond with all sugar-based products in the market. I’m devising a plan now. Or in a few minutes, after I finish inhaling this cookie…

  • http://walkingtomaine.blogspot.com Betsy

    BeanMa: though Crocs really are insanely comfy, they are reeeally bad foot support! Like, I’m talking, serious-fodder-for-podiatrists-everywhere bad for you. Anything you can bend in half is baaaad foot support. I’m just sayin’….I have my fair share of experience..um..walking? I guess you would say (did a thru-hike from Georgia to Maine last year) and I have all this semi-useless footcare info squashed into a brain folder. I learned that foot doctors treat tons of peeps from the medical field who substitute white Crocs for footwear.

    Is anyone really tired of hearing me rant about this? Sorry.

    What I really meant to say was, Heather: Jon is really hot! and those dogs are always so. unbelievably. clean.

  • ma2one

    The perfect pregnancy food, ice cream, candy, cake and chips!

    Have fun, YUM.

  • Suzie

    #247 Anon, If Heather’s blog experience bothers you so much WHY ARE YOU STILL READING IT? My God, your poor child! To be breastfed by a woman who “isn’t one of your haters” yet feels necessary to call a person “lazy and bitchy”….wow. Start the therapy fund for your kid RIGHT NOW, because he/she is going to need it. And you might want to get yourself some help, too. Jacka**.

  • sparkyd

    Four words: Earth Mama Bottom Balm. Oh yeah.


  • Anonymous

    My 3 year old begs me to leave her in the car – I guess she can’t articulate “not another damn errand….I may be stuck with you but I don’t have to go inside too…”

    oh, about your bedroom photo – you know the pictures are going to bug the hell out of you until you fix them…you’ll be in delivery and make your husband go back and fix them and then take a picture of it to show you that he did it…you might as well fix it now…takes a ocd’er to know one.

  • http://www.tylerroberts.net Tyler Roberts

    Hang tough, Jon!

  • Cynthia

    Did anyone else notice that Jon went with her to the grocery store. How cool is that. I have been trying to do it by myself with 3 kids (5, 18 mo & 2mo) and I wish I would have thought of that earlier. Smart woman- that Dooce…

  • nis

    Great…I’m not even pregnant and now all I can think about is Entenmann’s coffee cake! My daughter is about Leta’s age, though, and frankly she’s certainly enough to send me over the edge and to the baked goods aisle. Or to the liquor store. :)

  • Dustin

    Hey, Dooce, I like your site! Although I’m not too fond of the unwarranted profanity.

  • Anonymous

    When I was pregnant I couldn’t get enough pancakes, eggs and bagels with cream cheese! I’d waddle my ass over to Brugger’s Bagels everyday like it was my job.

  • http://www.talesofmikkimoto.com Becky

    I left my 8 year old in the car while I literally ran into Trader Joe’s. I locked the doors and he hid from strangers. But I NEVER thought about him running over Grandma. Thanks. Thanks for putting THAT idea in my head.

    Mother of the Year prize, here I come…

  • dooce

    Also, does anyone who was born after 1965 even know what Crunch n’ Munch is?