• Michelle

    And depending how hot Utah gets at this time of year, these 3 weeks take LONGER than the preceding 37 – Good Luck!

  • http://lookedgoodonpaper.com TamiA

    Oh my God, I almost fell off of my chair. Effing hilarious!

  • http://kitkat4real.blogspot.com Katherine SOLO dot MOM

    I am going with Donette Armstrong…. love that comment!

    Great post…

  • Alyxherself

    You do look so sexy all smeared up like that.

    But waay too clean to pull off “trailer trash”.

    Minor inconsistancy would be that if you were trailer trash you would just unzip and fold the sides of your levis under to create instant maternity pants :)

  • Ren

    God Heather you are the BEST!!! I am reading your book and filling out the paperwork to put Jon up for saint hood :-) I love you and how you are just brutaly honest and just put it out there! I want to be like you when I grow up (OK so my kids are 20 and 17), but I still want to be like you when I grow up! No fear and no holding back! Thank you for being you.

  • Kristin

    Caption: “Leta, you git back in here rat now, missy, else you aint gonna git no mo donits for suppa!”

  • marie

    these pictures own. you are now the president of the internet.

  • http://beyondthewindow.wordpress.com beyond

    nice white trash look! did you let leta play dress-up too? sorry your body is giving you a hard time. you still look beautiful, of course. i can think of a couple of women who looked as big as you do now beginning their 7th month of pregnancy.
    ps: in europe, women will have a glass of wine or a small beer while they are pregnant and nobody lectures them…

  • Erin

    You kind of look like Lori Petty in that first picture. Hilarious shot.

  • Robert B

    All I can say is, holy shit! Your traffic will skyrocket.

  • Katie

    Heather will you be my mom????? Sure, I’m 26 and already have a pretty great mom but you are just the coolest.

  • Anonymous

    Umm ok??!!!

  • http://www.whoahgirl.com Anne

    Looking mighty fine there Mrs. Armstrong. I especially like the beer tucked away in your pants. :) You rule. :)

  • April


    The pictures are awesome. I think they should be used as blackmail pics as your child grows up.

  • Tek

    the Anti-Demi Moore! I love it. (nothing against Demi, definitely love; her-real lesbian love)

    Ha! my captcha-father staid as in “my father staid away from home alot”

  • Anonymous

    Beer, big hair, smart and witty, plus Mormon! These are a few of my favorite things.

  • Aspen

    Nice! Love me some white trash mama photos! Lookin’ good, dooce. Lookin’ real, real good. :)

  • Kelly

    This made my day. Hilarious stuff.

    I wish I had time to read through all of the comments to see which doorknob(s) you pissed off with those shots. Pabst & Donettes with a Marlboro chaser – doesn’t get any better than that.

  • http://hounddawgblog.blogspot.com Tobi

    I can’t think of anything in recent history – not even my puppy sleeping with her legs completely spread apart – that I love more than this series of pregnancy pictures.



  • Kate


    I remember all those same feelings like they were yesterday (my youngest is almost 7). And all I can think is “SO GLAD IT’S NOT ME.” Sorry Heather — being pregnant truly does suck!

    I loves babies but now prefer to play with them and hand them back to their parents.

    You are hysterical and look so funny in the pictures.

    And I hope that somewhere someone is looking at your pictures and reading all the comments and saying: “I don’t get what’s so funny? She looks totally like everyone else I know.”

  • Susan

    What a delight to open *this* blog…LOL. You crack me up,girl. Poor Jon…and Donette.

  • http://animationofamy.blogspot.com Amy

    OMG! I think we are long lost cousins! Seriously, you should make that into a friggin’ poster. I’d hang that on my wall. How could you not look at that and smile? Thank you for bringing joy to so many in this crappy economy. Picture of Pregnant Trailer Park Whore . . . Priceless!

  • http://www.thefootballwife.com The Football Wife

    Confession: I drank DIET ROOTBEER throughout my pregnancy. My baby is a genius. ;)

  • Corinne

    Reminds me a touch of Lucille Ball. Quite hilarious, really!

  • Nat W.

    I burst out laughing when I saw those pics. Oh, dooce, you crack my ass up.

  • http://blackpunkin.wordpress.com Nanner

    Good lawd woman, I looked like that at five months, minus the PBR – I drank Bud. (Kidding!)

  • http://csquaredplus3.typepad.com Chris

    You look better than ever! You don’t even look puffy. Donettes agree with you! I like the red lipstick and heavy liner – you actually can pull it off.

    Glad the butt rash is nothing serious. Maybe you should consider wearing clogs or crocs [I know you hate them, but...] to protect your little piggies until baby girl #2 arrives.

  • Brittany

    Dooce! This seems like a shirt Jon might try to get you to wear.. it’s the perfect combo of pregnant and nerd :)


  • Doobrah

    Ha Ha Ha — You could be Madonna’s little sister from the “Papa Don’t Preach” video. And no I’m not that old.

  • http://daddyscratches.com Daddy Scratches

    Funniest. Thing. Ever.

    Seriously, that might be the funniest thing you’ve ever done on this site. Bravo.

  • Tina Babb

    I LOVE the pictures. Nothing could be funnier.

  • Katie Kat

    TOO F’ING PERFECT! Dooce as white trash trailer park preggo slut… kinda scary how well you pull that off… hehehehehe! HANG IN – the kiddo will be “heading out” all alien style in no time! :)

  • Olga

    Love the picture! You rock!

  • http://www.sadiemama.blogspot.com Sadie

    Oh my god! You are too funny. I have the giant Sam’s Club jug of Hershey’s syrup in my fridge. I highly suggest getting one for yourself, because there is nothing so wonderful as having THAT much chocolate in your fridge, just waiting for you to devour it.

  • Christine Sheppard

    So that’s what the stretchy bit at the top of maternity pants is for–beer cans.
    I like the second picture better for the “Yeah? So what if I’m using my food stamps on donettes, bitch?” expression. Good work not wearing a fake wedding ring, too.
    The 37-week pictures are now my total favorites. My day is vastly improved.

  • http://callipygianchronicle.wordpress.com Yolanda

    Oh how I want a set of notecards with these images on them.

    I’m sorry the invaders are trying to have a way with your body. I remember that feeling all too well. Wait, the invaders never left and my baby is almost two. Here’s hoping you have a better time evicting them than I did.

  • Nicole

    Forget all beautiful and lovely but gooey eyed, gushy mushy pregnancy photos almost every woman gets done these days. This one takes all. Nice work.

  • http://www.iambossy.com/ BOSSY

    Now all you need to do is record that album of Clash covers and you’re all set.

  • http://ledzeppelinmama.blogspot.com Joeythegirl

    A “WT” family portrait would be even more Awesome right about now!

  • http://www.tojupiterandback.blogspot.com Sarah

    FABULOUS pics, they cracked me up. Congrats on your upcoming delivery!!!! Can’t wait to see pics of the little miracle.

  • http://www.momstimeouts.com Katrin

    Thank GOD there’s someone willing to poke some fun at the holier than thou pregnancy freaks out there. Our parents were drinking and smoking up the gazoo and we turned out ok.

    Oh… wait. We’re the generation that spawned a global economic meltdown. Hm. Maybe lay off that beer.

  • http://qcreport.blogspot.com/ quinn cummings

    You look purdy. Your inner alien overlord chose well.

  • Betsy

    You look purdy!!!!

  • http://www.visiblevoice.ca Kristi

    Oh heaven’s those pictures are so funny! You don’t look like you’re getting bigger! I’m sure you feel all stuffed up but you look great!


  • Tine

    *snort* That is all. Back to lurkdom.

  • Teri

    OMG, I love you!

  • http://claraharrisonstage.com Clara

    These are, hands down, the best pregnancy portraits in the whole history of the world. I’m also impressed that you had some PBR around for the photo shoot.

  • E2WCoast Mom

    #71 – I totally agree. Totally hilarious and Heather, please post!! As a matter of fact, I’m scheduling extra visits to today’s comment section but some poor soul is just not gonna get it…

  • HMFT

    OK. First of all, I live in the mountains of North Carolina, where women are known to look JUST LIKE THOSE PICTURES while pregnant. For real. Uh…yeah.

    Second. Thank God for husbands. Mine certainly takes great care of my dumb ass. Let me explain. I bit into a granola bar the other day and found a small chunk of glass. Freaked. Called the Quaker company, saved the glass, blahblahblah. Joe comes home, and I show him the glass.

    “See? Look at this crazy shit! It looks like a tiny piece of crystal! Maybe it’s a sign…a good sign…”

    “Um. It IS a piece of crystal. Broken off from the BIG crystal that fell off the top of the computer monitor the other day. Were you eating by the computer?


    “Did you mayyyyyybeee put the granola bar DOWN for a minute?”


    “Yeah. Problem solved.”

    And thank God. ‘Cause those Quaker True Delights granola bars? Are the SHIT.