Wait, rubbing your pregnant belly against the x-ray machine is *bad*?

Hmmm ... maybe that's what the problem is with my kids; my wife used to do that every chance she got.

Oh God. I'm 38 weeks pregnant with my second at the moment, and until yesterday I would have written "I know exactly what you mean! Everything feels so much easier, more peaceful, less what the hell did I get myself into. But I woke up today and have had 3 separate thirty minute crying jags because my first born will not stop talking to me and because my upstairs neighbor owns an amplifier. It seems like this can't be right... I'm pleased that someone out there is channeling the calm, because it certainly isn't me today.

FAT.
hehehe
I felt pretty mellow about the whole thing. I've had three kids and the first two pregnancies SUCKED because I had morning sickness EVERY DAY until they were born.
With my third, I thought she'd be a boy (first two were girls) because it was SO pleasant.
I wasn't strict about much except heavy lifting. I ate what I wanted and tried to be kind to my body... you know, no drinking and smoking ;)Ok, ok.. not much drinking.
:-p
~K

I'm glad this pregnancy is going so well for you. Congrats and I wish you the best of luck with everything! Can't wait to see little Baby Girl Armstrong :)

would love to hear more on how you decided to stay medicated during pregnancy...not to say that it is right or wrong, just interested.

Your story is very similar to mine. I worked during my first pregnancy, and spent my free time exercising and preparing for the birth. I also stayed away from lunch meat, hot dogs, donuts, etc... I miscarried with my second pregnancy, and then when I discovered I was pregnant again, felt oddly content. My stress levels were down (I think it was due to not working as much) and I truly enjoyed all nine months of the pregnancy. However, there were donuts- and some beer (gasp!)- involved this time ;)

With both pregnancies, I went to the gym until my 8th month, then continued to do pre-natal yoga from home. I swear it helped my stamina, energy, and mindset. My labors lasted for less than two hours each. Take THAT people who say you shouldn't exercise!

You're almost at the end, how fun!

I am 24 weeks into my second pregnancy and I mirror your feelings exactly. I feel relaxed, calm and NOW I know that you cannot control the storm that is your body pregnant, your body in labor, or the screamy thing that comes shooting out of your body, so I am trying to roll with it this time. Literally. Also, I'm eating all the cheese I want this time.

I'm 35 weeks today and I'd say that I've definitely been able to keep my anxiety at bay. One, because I have a soon to be 1 year old at home who keeps me busy as she walks, learns to talk, self-feed and currently pull her own diaper off. Two, because I was high risk with her and this time I'm considered "normal" so my doctor refuses to entertain any concerns or notions I have that something is wrong with the baby. I too am happy that you have been able to maintain a self of calm and peace by choice and I wish you a healthy delivery of Baby Dooce. Ciao!

#9 natalie, you can read about my decision to stay on Prozac here:

http://dooce.com/2008/12/02/bump-watch-begins

Thank goodness for MEDS!!!

I haven't been pregnant twice. Or even once. But oftentimes I think about what a basketcase I am sans baby and worry about how conceiving/having a baby will cause me to go off the deep end.

I just wanted to applaud your sense of calm. I know it was hard won. I'm rooting for you, lovely, and I wish you all the best for the remainder of your pregnancy and the birth of your second beautiful baby girl.

You will enjoy the 2nd one so much more -- and not just because of the medication. You know what you're doing now, and you don't have to be as obsessive about every little thing. Having a 2nd baby is a great experience. I'm happy for you.

I did everything by the textbook the first time around. There was anxiety (of course) but all in all, I was calm and at peace.

With the second pregnancy, I strayed a little from the textbook, had less anxiety but was a hell of a lot more emotional (leaning towards the bitch-on-fire emotion more than any other).

I think there are many factors that can make a pregnancy. That said, we all need to do what we think is important/safe/happy baby makin' and that alone can give us peace.

Congratulations on a calm pregnancy...maybe that could be the indicator of your daughter's personality.

Oh my... thank you, Heather. I'm at the beginning of the 2nd trimester of my first pregnancy, and for some reason TODAY is the day that random coworkers decided to start lecturing me about all of my decisions (whether I have a "game plan" for PPD, whether I'm going to breastfeed, etc.).

I sooooo needed the reminder that the opinions of total strangers are just a part of every pregnancy, and it's not just me.

Sigh.

This is my first pregnancy. And, I am trying to be fairly Zen about it. That is, of course, easier said than done. I am pretty good about not beating myself up over drinking a diet coke or eating Lucky Charms for dinner. My biggest problem is Google. I was so impressed to hear that you haven't cracked open a pregnancy book and you resisted the urge to Google. Hopefully, with my second pregnancy, I will be able to eliminate Google.

I am a doula and 26 weeks pregnant with my first child. Before conceiving, I had every intention of staying away from caffine, raw meat, sushi, all the stuff they say is bad for the peanut. Then I had 20 weeks of twice daily vomiting, so I have decided to indulge my one craving...diet pepsi. I only have one a day and sometimes I mix it up and have diet caffine free. Either way, I think the baby will be fine, and I am tired of the stares from judgy, non-pregger people! Heather, thanks so much for allowing for some sanity in the otherwise insane world of pregnancy.

Ha! I love that you opened comments on this. And thus far . . . no trolls?? On a pregnancy post?? Hooray for the internet today!

I've only had one pregnancy, and I pretty much loathed the entire experience, so I'm hoping that I enjoy my second one more. The coffee was never a question for me, though - I love it, drink it every morning, except for the nine gestating months when the smell of it made me snarf. Even a whiff from a mile away. Blech.

The second pregnancy and newborn were WAY WAY WAY easier than the first. Everything about it. Even the crazy sleep deprivation that having a newborn produces was fine for me with #2, because I had been through it before and knew it would not last forever. I wish you and your family the best as your new little joy prepares to introduce herself to you!

Well, yes there were more "rules" broken during the second and definitely the thrid pregnancy. Wait till you get to break all the rules with a second child. Earlier solids, non-sterile soothers, drops of ice cream etc.

I'm in the final hours of my second pregnancy right now. While I felt a bit like a wise ol' sage this second time around, I also had a hard time with feeling like I wasn't doing enough for this child. With my first, every waking hour was spent reading books, prepping the nursery, rubbing my belly and thinking baby thoughts. Now, between husband, son, work and pursuing a grad degree, I've felt like #2 got short changed.

The one thing that helped mitigate these emotions was the prenatal yoga class that I attended once a week. While it was partly for me, those hours of stretching, breathing and thinking about the baby are probably what will be most memorable about the past nine months. It caused me to slow down and enjoy this experience. Who knows if I'll ever be prego again? As a result, I'm hopeful that a happy, healthy baby will be waiting for us at the end of this journey.

Oh, and can I just ask about the food restrictions? What's the deal? I swear they added about 1,000 to the list since I was last pregnant...and that was only 4 years ago.

Alright well I've never been pregnant, so no opinions there. But I had to comment and say MAN YOU ARE LOOKING GOOD. In that video you look so refreshed and healthy. Must be all that heroin ;)

Right there with you. Totally more relaxed this time, even after a miscarriage between first child and this pregnancy. Could be because I am in the States and the first was in Puerto Rico...the differences in medical care most likely accounted for my increased anxiety. I much prefer the days of relative relaxation to the physco days of wondering if I could be the first woman to be eternally pregnant since I was so freaked out about what would come next. Best of luck with your upcoming delivery!

There are so many similarities between your story and mine. As much as I wanted to be pregnant with my first, when it actually happened, it was so shocking. He came into our life and I was punched in the gut and thrown on the floor in the despair of HORRIBLE post partum. I mean, bad. Like, if I write about it, people will send CPS to my house. When I got pregnant with my second, it was like, "oh, so THIS is how being pregnant is supposed to be?". I was on a low dose of anti depressants/anti anxiety and it made me normal. When she was born, the whole experience was a 180. I couldn't get enough of her. I felt cheated out of my first experience because it was nothing like that. This one is going to be a walk in the park for you! I can't wait to see her tiny little face =)

I have not had the pleasure of being pregnant as of yet, but I am extremely anxious of how it is going to feel.

I'm happy to hear you are feeling much calmer throughout this one! Hmmm... have you and Jon decided on a name?!?

*hiding under table for mentioning stress inducing topic

My 2nd pregnancy had more medical issues so I had to be more careful with that one, but the changes really came after the baby was born. Gone was the over panicked mom and a really casual one kicked in. The baby is eating dirt? Must need more minerals. Good job looking out for yourself kid! You want to climb a massive ladder and can barely walk? What a brave baby. My friends explain it using pacifiers. Child #1 drops it, you panic and sterilize it. Child #2, you wipe it with your spit. By Child #3 and after you blow it off and hand it back. My son says he broke Mommy in for his sister and he is probably right. Oddly enough, she is the healthier of the two.

33 weeks pregnant with my second. After seeing what my first has lived through (binkies dropped in the dirt, drank out of Grandma's bird bath, occasionally shares a snack with the dog) that a little cold lunch meat, a cup of coffee or *gasp* some antidepressants are fine. There are a few things Im still a stickler on. Even though friends and family have told me that a beer or glass of wine every once in awhile is fine, I just cant bring myself to drink it.

I know all about the looks from strangers. I was on my work's social committee, and was nominated to do the liquor run for the Christmas party. You think you got looks. Imagine the looks I got with two shopping carts full of liquor at 8 months pregnant.

Had to laugh at how you remind us that pregnant women and new mothers seem to be fair game for every well-meaning "adviser".

My friend, a new mother, just had a homeless lady scream at her all the way down the street because she didn't have her baby's face covered up in "the cold". (It was a spring day in San Francisco.)

I have to agree that subsequent pregnancies were, for the most part, more relaxing. I think there was the 'fear of the known'--as in 'A Baby Story' would send me into a sweat as I thought about contractions & labor--but when the babies came, it was so much more comfortable. My fourth is now almost 6 months old and I think this is the most I've ever appreciated the tiny toes, little smiles, etc...and I can't believe I ever let myself get so wound up before. It is so brief and beautiful, enjoy!

I indulged a lot more than with my first pregnancy, but I was not happier and relaxed.
With my first son I had a postpartum depression, with the second one a prepartum depression.
Is that English? In my language: postnatale depressie and prenatale depressie.
So the depression kicked in during pregnancy.
I was an utter and complete mess for the better part of my pregnancy. I simply could not stop crying.
And I didn't cry some tears, I cried buckets!
At my work, my boss told me to go home. I cried even harder and said I was going to be unemployed. He said I was not.
Then I said: but when I'm not working, I will be!
He said he knew what I was worth in other circumstances.

I cried and cried and cried. I've been depressed before, and even after but it was the only time in my life I considered ending it. I didn't make any real plans, but it were more sudden thoughts. While driving a car for instance, I could think: "see that tree? Only one second, and all the pain will be gone"
But then I thought about my other kid. And I also realized it was just due to the pregnancy.

Because I simply could not care less I drank an occasional glass of wine,...
The only thing I didn't eat where mussels and oysters (something that I eat as often as I can when not pregnant) and non pasteurised cheeses.

The birth itself was a piece of cake, though. I first wondered if I had gas or if it were contractions.
Two hours later I decided it were defenitely contractions, but very soft ones.
You know how bad it can get with the second one.
Another two hours later we went to the hospital and there the contractions were very fast. Half an hour later I asked for an epidural, but they said it wasn't going to do any good as I was fully dialated. Another half hour later he was there.
So only one hour of real labour.
I sincerely wish for you to have a one of those deliveries!

I had posted over at Momversation, but essentially my craziness increase with pregnancy #2. I read ALL the time over what was going on, which only resulted in my getting more freaked out. I wasn't worried about labor. Labor was actually easy and more relax the second time around. I actually had a pretty good time..lol I would hope that if I decide to go for #3 that I'd be more relaxed, but I doubt that.

It's nice to hear that you're feeling so good about yourself and about what's to come! I had that same wonderful calm feeling when I was pregnant with my first child. I feel 110% even with the heartburn. It was pure heaven!

I wish I could have felt the same when I was pregnant with my daughter but Multiple Sclerosis had other plans. I aways felt a bit off and in the end she was born three weeks early -- healthy but early.

I can say that after my daughter was born I was much more relaxed than I was with my son. It's like everything came naturally -- I had already done this before. Even breastfeeding was a breeze unlike the first time around.

The best thing in the world was watching my son comfort his sister, hold her little tiny hand and in his little wee voice tell her everything was going to be alright. My heart melted right then and there.

Enjoy!

I was way more relaxed with my second, and I too went to the gym through my entire pregnancy.

I am pregnant with my 3rd now and I had an aquafit instructor tell me that I can't swim in the deep end (because the water pressure will crush my baby) and that I can't do any abdominal work outs because my abs are supposed to loosen, not tighten. I guess this baby is just going to slip out of me with not effort at all. She is insane (and now I can't go back to that class, she scares me). UGH.

Yeah it's been tough giving up the cocaine, agreed. Haha. Second pregnancy? Heck, this is my first and I am as chill as can be! =) I still drink Diet soda, I still have coffee, I even *gasp* eat lunch meat. My baby is still moving around and I am confident that he will be just FINE. I realized, though, when a friend asked me how I felt about giving up *chocolate* that there were different lines. GIVE UP CHOCOLATE? SERIOUSLY? This baby has made me a freakin' chocoholic! I can not even imagine what a chocolate-less pregnancy would be like!

All this "mustn't eat this, drink that, do whatever" makes me laugh. I had my five kids many, many years ago, before anyone told expectant mothers not to drink alcohol or coffee. And WTF is that thing about soft cheese? Who knew? How any of us ever managed to have live, healthy children is a total mystery to me! LOL!

Oh, and yes, I got more and more blase with every pregnancy. Of course ;-)

BTW, I'm getting impatient now to meet not-Maria! I guess you must be, too?

OMG you are horrible... the heroine and the cocaine!!

I am 25 weeks into my first and I freak out about A LOT but I have had a really hard time being strict at all about what I eat. I try to keep the fast food to a minimum because I like being able to move my toes.

I like caffeinated soda but I cannot stand the taste of coffee which makes me sad. All I want is a beer but I do not trust myself to stop at just one... case.

I smoked one cigarette about four days before I found out I was pregnant and I am still freaking out about that a little. I am sure that I caused lung cancer in my unborn baby with that one Marlboro Light.

I was fortunate enough to be purely ignorant of my pregnancy until I was 15 weeks into it, if I had know the first trimester I think I would have needed sedation.

I also just recently got married. I am not planning that during my second pregnancy!!

I was a very relaxed & happy pregnant woman. A glass of wine with dinner? Sure! (just not more than once a week or so) Diet Coke? Yep! And I worked out 5 days a week until the day I had each kid (3 of them). And so far, so good - they seem to be reasonably normal, healthy little people. Some women like to be militant during pregnancy. Me? I say relish every moment of not having to suck your stomach in when you walk by the mirror! Good luck in the final weeks, Heather. Such a special time!!

Oh my gosh. I did not admit to pre/post/lifetime depression until after a breakdown 6 weeks into my 2nd's life...And so, with my 3rd I felt that with medication I had built a bridge over what I had jumped off with the first two.

With #3 the experience was SOOOO much better that I had to go through feelings of remorse about missing that time with the first two!! If it's not one thing, it's another!

My second pregnancy was WAY better than my first. I was more relaxed and even allowed myself -- gasp -- a fully caffeinated Coke with my medium rare hamburger. If I had eaten sushi then I would have been truly walking on the edge.

I'm in the middle of my second pregnancy now, and against my thoughts and wishes (I was talked into it by the doctor) we got one of those damn blood tests for diseases, and they said we have a higher likelihood of having a baby with Down Syndrome. Now we don't care either way, we certainly aren't going to abort, but the "you have a 1 in 50 instead of a 1 in 250" crap is just killer. So, I am both more relaxed in exactly the way you say (although I too suffered a miscarriage) and I do still occasionally bike to work, I am also kind of keyed up about ... everything. Anyway, nice post --- glad to hear you are at peace!

Like you, I had a miscarriage between my first and second children. And yep, when I was pregnant with my second child, I just didn't worry about anything. I didn't crack a book, whereas the first time around, I was full of factoids I'd gleaned from What to Expect, and The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy, and OMG You're Huge! Weekly or whatever.

Actually raising the second kid has been that way too--I just don't sweat the details the way I used to. He seems to be okay so far. I hope you keep feeling good right up until the big day!

I've never been pregnant so I've only heard of some fish being risky to eat. Whats up with soft cheese, coffee, and lunch meats?

More relaxed, or just more exhausted so it looks like I am calm....I'm not sure. I'm 36 weeks with a 2 year old boy, and this time is so much harder! I'm tired! Enough already. Plenty of sympathetic looks from other mothers on the sidewalk, and the occasional comment that "how old is he? oh, that was fast, you didn't wait long." and the time a nanny at the playground scolded me for letting my son lick the chain-link fence (yes, gross, but really, will it really hurt him?). Anyway, wishing you all the best!

I think I finished a case of diet soda every other day while pregnant. My children are now 13 and 11 - smart and healthy. Just makes me more grateful I didn't give up my damn soda!

I definitely feel the same way. This is totally out of my control. I hardly think twice about what I am eating and I really do everything I was doing before I was pregnant.

I remember just being totally worried about every little thing with my last pregnancy.

Maybe having to take care of another child plus my husband doesn't allow me much time to even think about it this time!!

EDD 9/5/09

I had this exact same experience as a second time around mom. I did not eat ONE BITE of junk food when I was pregnant with my first daughter. I was terrified of so much during my first pregnancy, and really over-protective and anxious as a first time mom. I also suffered a miscarriage between my two daughters, and I don't know if it was that, or the experience under my belt, or that I also was medicated during my second pregnancy (wasn't during my first), but the whole experience was SO MUCH more relaxed. The birth, the infancy, the exhaustion, it all just seemed expected and normal the second time around. This is not to say that I didn't totally lose my mind when, at seven-months-old, my second daughter had yet to sleep through the night. But I felt much more equipped to deal with the situation and much less guilty about letting her cry it out. And OH, DID I LET HER CRY IT OUT. I read your book, Heather, and loved it. And I hope you have the same kind of experience I did second time around. Much less anxiety and much more laughing and fun and sisterly bonding. (By the way, I didn't feel too bonded to my second kid right away. But I do 100% now that she's 2. Don't worry if it takes a while.) And I hope you have much more of feeling, "Oh, I actually KNOW WHAT TO DO in this situation!!" Imagine!! So glad to hear you're doing well.

I was SO much more relaxed with my second pregnancy, but my ob/gyn sucked the second time. I was living in the UK for work and idiotically didn't push for private medical. My doc was about 27 and looked like a barbie doll. She told me not to run (stupid!), to not have one single diet coke (c'mon people) and didn't check my iron levels and i ended up being SO deficient that my US doctor said he couldn't believe I got out of bed in the morning. I was manic about my diet the first time, like MANIC. With my second pregnancy I ate more chocolate and less fruit, which definitely wasn't good but I was so, so much more comfortable with the whole thing. And I had to travel constantly for my job, so ended up flying all the way to the last month of my pregnancy with no issues at all.

FWIW... I was skipping around your posts from right before and right after Leta was born. There's a visible differnce in the way you engage the camera now with your eyes. You may not only feel more relaxed, but you LOOK more relaxed. Enjoy!

I have no advice because I am only the mommy to a half Dachshund/half Jack Russell terrier, and thank God I didn't give birth to this bearded lady! However, I am just overjoyed to experience all that goes with pregnancy: nausea, kankles, expanding waist line, random people wanting to touch me, strangers telling me what to do.....you know all of that fun stuff!

Panicked. Completely panicked.

But that's because my son died four days after he was born from a heart defect that no one caught. Seriously. We took him home and everything. Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. They have surgeries and transplants, but it wouldn't have helped Rhys any if they had known. He had a very severe case, so severe that the doctors who saw the autopsy report (and yeah, I have a copy) were amazed he lived as long as he did. With no symptoms. None.

So, strike 1.

The following year, after a year and a half of trying to get pregnant I have a miscarriage that requires a D&C because the little bit of placenta attached to the empty sac was causing me to remain "pregnant."

Strike 2.

So my final pregnancy, which ended with my daughter Ripley who is nine now, was filled with utter panic and fear. Ironically I was more afraid of miscarrying again, because after Rhys, it suddenly became hard for me to get pregnant. With him, I stopped the pill, and two days later was pregnant. With both the miscarriage and Ripley, I had to take fertility meds, because turns out I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and even though losing weight would have helped me get pregnant faster, my doctor was understanding, because that whole practice was just...stunned when Rhys died. And I couldn't lose the weight anyway.

I had thirteen ultrasounds, from five weeks up with Ripley; including a specialized one at 22 weeks to play, "Let's all count the heart chambers, shall we?" My other personal favorite ultrasound game was, "My baby DOES have a brain, right? Please? Yes, I know I saw it last week, but show me again, please? Cause in these pictures it looks like she doesn't have a brain."

Aside from that, I really didn't DO anything different with the second successful pregnancy than I did with the first. But I also didn't have that feeling of incredible competence that Rhys had given me when they gave him to me. When I had him, I just felt...so right. I knew this child, I knew how to take care of him, what he needed, I didn't feel overwhelmed or scared. I felt just...calm and competent. Never before, and never since have I felt that so strongly.

So there you have it.

This is my first pregnancy, and I'm currently 38.5 weeks. In all honesty, I've been totally relaxed about the whole thing and not at all obsessing about any of it. Throughout the pregnancy I have drunk caffeine, had the occasional sip of wine, eaten blue cheese, heck even had sushi. I also only took prenatal vitamins about 3 times as my body didn't like them and I didn't feel right about taking them. Even ran this by my OB as everyone yelled at me and she said it was fine. Oh yeah, I clean the cat litter too- hello people who tell me not to, read the facts on this!! There is a LOT of misinformation out there and it all depends on the lifestyle of the cat, and you're far more likely to catch toxoplasmosis from an undercooked burger. Does this make me a bad mother? No. All my choices have been informed and they are what works for me and my pregnancy. I'm more of the happy mother=happy baby camp so that's where I choose to prioritise my energies.

I've been 'spoken to' by random strangers on the street for drinking coffee, and carrying things, and one time just last week I got reprimanded by someone else for running through my garden. Gah. So annoying. Different strokes for different folks people, just as all babies are different, all pregnancies are too.

I'm glad to hear things are going so well this time around. :) Here's hoping you have a great labor & delivery as well!

My morning sickness lasted much longer with baby #2, but at least the puking was less. I just felt like I was going to hurl more. LOL

I was also much more tired since I already had one kiddo to chase after, but I imagine you know exactly what I'm talking about. My second pregnancy was much kinder to me with regards to weight gain and water retention. I actually gained the exact same amount, but for whatever reason I carried it better the second time around. And I kept my ankles, THANK GOD.

I was just happy I didn't have a Moon Face with #2. It got bad towards the end of my first pregnancy. :)

I will give you a head's up and say be careful about feeling so good AFTER the baby arrives. I had a great delivery experience and felt awesome when I got home. So I was up and about doing everything I wanted to do...until my blood pressure went through the roof and my pulse rate dropped. My body had a hard time adjusting to not being pregnant anymore, so my doctor put me on bedrest. AFTER I had the baby. LOL Just make sure you still take it easy those first couple of weeks even if you feel great. :D

Can't wait to see the wee one!

My first pregnancy was the pregnacy from Hell. I bled until 23 weeks, which happened to be the day my water broke. Then I was hospitalized for 7 weeks and finally delivered my son via emergency c-section.

Then I went through 3 years of infertility/miscarriage.

When I was finally pregnant with my daughter I was much more relaxed, to say the least. Until my perinatologist told me they saw funneling of my cervix and OMG I might have another premature baby.

Thankfully, despite contractions galore, I remained pregnant until 37 weeks and went on to have a healthy baby via unnecessary c-section.

I think I followed all the rules, except for the one about lunch meat. I probably had a sandwich or two sometime during the pregnancy.

I felt incredible during my first (and so far only) pregnancy... very much like what you described. I'd never felt more centered or more sure of myself. Pregnancy had a wonderfully uplifting and calming effect on my mood. I remember being very excited to meet our baby girl!

Now I have an adorable gurgling 5-month-old, whom I wouldn't trade for the world... but sometimes I really miss the calm.

I was really young during my first pregnancy (17) so I did what ever I was told ... what did I know?

12, 15 & 16 years later .... the biggest concern was the size of my babies. I was continually being told how tiny I was for being so far along with the girls, until the last and he was just huge. Other than eat well, I too did not worry about the baby. Unless of course the doctor had one of "those" looks on her face, but I soon discovered that was her "concentrating look".

So happy for you to be feeling calm and happy. All your life should be like that!

I can tell you, long long ago, in a land far away, I held my newborn (I had just turned 18) in the middle of the night and smoked a cigarette while I fed her. She is 29 now, happy, healthy and never had any health problems. My son is 25 and although I knew better and didn't smoke during his pregnancy, or near him after, he was sick all the time.

The point is do what is best for YOU and your family. NO one has to wake up as you tomorrow, or ever, and NO one can tell you what is best for YOUR children.

You are a fantastic parent and I can see Leta and the new baby reading your blog some day after you're gone and laughing until the scotch they're drinking hits the computer screen.

Thank you, Heather, for writing so openly and honestly about your miscarriages (I just read about them for the first time). Life and death are such intricate things and I cannot pretend to even try and understand them completely, but you put stories into words that I can understand, and feel. I have never been pregnant, so I have never experienced the joy of giving birth or the loss of a child, but I am thankful for people like you, who are able to go through such experiences and share them with the rest of us. It totally puts it into perspective for me, and makes me look forward to the time when I am pregnant, and also to know that I can get through it should anything happen.

I wish you nothing but a healthy, happy pregnancy and baby. We can't wait to meet her!

Yes, I think it's experience. My fourth is 15 months old. His was my most relaxed pregnancy. I was the most excited, too, about him coming, than the other pregnanices. I wasn't freaked out about babies and handling lots of small children (my oldest is 7). I have learned that you just make it through things one day, sometimes one moment, at a time. And you just do it.

As to diet, I stayed with my two cups of coffee each day. I no longer cut out my caffeine when pregnant. Coffee breaks give me joy. Cream with my coffee breaks gives me joy. I ate deli meat and feta. I felt that peace, too, that you spoke of. That you can do so much and the rest is out of your hands.

Don't give all the credit to the meds. Life has changed you. Own it. Enjoy it.

Peace,
Dawn

dear Heather-

I am a faithful reader of your blog but have never commented before. After reading your experience with your first pregnancy here and in your wonderful book, this post moved me to tears. It is so wonderful and so deserved that you are experiencing such peace during this second pregnancy - you have more than earned it.

thank you for being brave enough to share the bitter with the sweet

will someone, anyone, please say that not only is the second pregnancy amazing, but that having another baby is by far the easiest most magnificent experience a person can have? no seriously, in those EXACT words someone please say that. my subconscious desperately needs to hear it before taking the rather deep plunge into second-time mommyhood. tell me about the baby who only cries when she's hungry, the restful nights, the happy toddler elated at the thought of sharing her world with another sweet little one. anyone??

Definitely more calm the second time through. I drank my morning cup of coffee and ate lunch meat as well. I exercised and danced until the day I popped my baby out. I think second pregnancies generally incur much less stress, but is also a bit easier because you are so distracted by your other child that there just isn't time to sweat the small stuff.

I felt better the second time around because I had CUTER CLOTHES! I cannot stress enough the importance of "quality" maternity garb--which for me means no freaking bows and a minimum of pastels, thank yee very much. (Um, incidentally, I mention this stuff in my blog--excuse me for shamelessly promoting myself: http://roniadarc.blogspot.com/2009/01/weekend-wrap-up.html).
After a few installments of bad-maternity-garb shopping sprees wherein I just collected more crappy, ugly, ill-fitting junk, I bit the bullet and threw down some coin for some really nice pants and good tops. I still wear those clothes now, three months post-delivery, not because I have to but because they're well made and beautiful (and fit "thin," too). Ultimately, being able to dress nicely during those awkward months, to feel as good as I could with that big ole' gut, made a HUGE difference--the emotional boost was well worth the money spent. Good luck, Heather--I'm rooting for you!

I felt completely awesome right through my second pregnancy, I didn't have any morning sickness and I threw a lot of my "rules" out the window. I gained 80 pounds and I'm still amazed I didn't end up with gestational diabetes from all the junk I ate. He was a healthy birth weight and has grown into a healthy kid, albeit with a bit of a sweet tooth :)
I've known people who followed the nutritionist to the letter, did everything they were "supposed" to and still had pregnancies from hell and ended up with sickly babies allergic to everything.
It really doesn't matter what you do when you're pregnant, somebody's going to disapprove.
You can't please everybody so please yourself!

I am 36 weeks into my second pregnancy. The first was a relaxed, easy, experience-I was thrilled to be having a baby and getting married. The second has been much more difficult because I struggled with depression and anxiety during the first trimester. I chose not to go on medication, and have wondered if it was the right thing to do as I still struggle a little and know I will probably have post-partum depression. My anxiety is more about bringing another person into our well functioning little unit of 3, not that lunchmeat and a cup of coffee will hurt the baby. So I still do those things. Ugh, people are annoying. 2 people told me yesterday that I look as though I am about to have my baby tomorrow. Hmm, thanks people. I'm so crabby looking all the time, I can't believe my mean face didn't scare them off.
Good luck with everything, Heather! Looking forward to reading about the new baby!

I ate Big Macs and drank any kind of soda or tea I could get my hands on. I craved smells. Gain detergent could give me an orgasm practically, and I carried a bar of Irish spring soap around in my purse so I could pull it out and smell it any time I wanted to. My kids are healthy, happy and so smart it amazes me.

Wow, totally reverse for me. I'm more anxious, less healthy, and way more emotionally up-and-down. Maybe it's having a two-year-old the second time around, but even without his challenging behavior, this pregnancy has been physically harder for me. Nausea and heartburn until about 20 weeks, and I feel like I'm just hitting my stride to start to chill at 31 weeks. I hope to have that feeling of being where I want to be sometime soon. Right now I'm scared shitless about having two kids under three and what the heck this one is going to present. Hopefully a moment of zen will strike when the waddle does.

Heather, no!
You have to cut the blow to every OTHER weekend or your baby will be born with 2 heads.
Christ, I thought everyone knew that.

I think as long as you aren't drinking, smoking, punching yourself in the stomach then people shouldn't get crazy over it. I was always under the assumption that exercise was good for the mother and the baby!

Loved your post today. I too suffered a mismarriage between my first and second pregancies. I was so nervous before the first ultrasound the second time around, even though I just felt this one was right this time. Once I saw a healthy baby, and once I made it through the first trimester, I definitely have been more relaxed than I expected to be. Plus- I've maintained my morning Starbuck's Half-Caf and allowed myself the occasional glass of wine--- even in public (gasp) while working out at the gym twice a week and walking daily. I honestly feel like the picture of health right now at 33 weeks. Its a great feeling. But its amazing, out of everything, the most people question the gym workouts. You talk to any doctor and they say exercise is one of the best things for the baby. Skydiving and other extreme sports--- yeah, probably want to avoid those. But treadmill, ellipical, and other light to moderate weights and exercises that don't exceed what you've done before- perfectly acceptable and actually GOOD FOR THE BABY! I guess this wasn't common knowledge for the previous generation, so I try to be patient as I explain this to worrisome folks. now, I'm with you, definitely at peace. or probably the more appropriate phrase, "the calm before the storm" (will soon have my second boy, 27 months apart....gulp)

My daughter was 2 during my 2nd pregnancy, and she kept me so busy & distracted I just didn't have the time & focus to obsess like I did with #1.

In fact, I remember crying and begging my husband to buy some silly stuffed animal in a dept. store because this new baby had "nothing! We're not even thinking about him!" etc.

Now he's 4 1/2 and making up for that "lost" attention in spades.

I was more paranoid with my second because I had several complications. I didn't find out until about 20 weeks that I had placenta previa, so I was more mellow until that point, but after that I was a mess. Then I had preterm labor and finally a placental abruption at 32 weeks. (I wouldn't have told you this if you weren't already full term!)

I ate sushi both times. More the second time. I got some stares in the sushi restaurants, let me tell you! I also drank coffee and tea both times. And I ate whatever the hell I wanted both times. The first time I was just happy I could eat anything, since I had 24/7/40 week sickness. The second time, I was all about the powdered Hostess donuts. I took my prenatals more the second time, because I wasn't so nauseated that I couldn't breathe like the first time. (I once had a "friend" tell me that by not choking down the prenatals that made me want to vomit, I was killing my baby. I told her that my doctor said that if taking the vitamins prevented me from being able to eat, I should skip the vitamins and eat food. It was one or the other, baby!) I didn't eat lunch meats either time, because they were disgusting. Same with cheese. The thought made me gag. No bananas for me either time either, though they're my third favorite fruit. I also didn't worry about making sure my meat was thoroughly cooked.

I don't know why people would be on you about going to the gym. You're supposed to continue exercising if you were exercising pre-pregnancy.

My favorite thing to do was go to the store and buy a six-pack of beer. I don't even drink, pregnant or not, but it was fun to mess with people.

my first 4 to term pregnancies went off without a hitch. i was great, had a wonderful time, enjoyed being pregnant. with my 5th pregnancy, due to a lot of external stresses - mainly my mother - i didn't quite enjoy the pregnancy as much as i would have liked. she harped on me about EVERYTHING! this didn't let up the day i gave birth either. which probably didn't help matters at all when i suffered severely from ppd. i'm currently pregnant with number 6. this is after a m/c that i'd had between pregnancies 3 & 4 and then after a possible partial molar pregnancy this past dec. i'm a little on edge in some ways however, i am trying to remain rather zen about it all. i've been attempting to exercise - which i never did in my previous pregnancies (unless you want to count walking about 2 hrs a day to/from work with my 2nd pregnancy).

as for what do i eat, what do i refrain from? nothing. nothing that i wouldn't normally eat to begin with. sushi is an acquired taste, the thought of soft cheeses makes me want to hurl. however, you can pass me a toasted ham sandwich (i don't microwave the ham), some lo mein noodles from the local chinese restaurant, a diet coke and it's currently chili dog season at the local creemee. mmm YUM!

i have 5 kids ranging from 16 to 4 with a baby on the way. You learn what's important and what's not. what's needed and what's not. the only thing i'm most uncomfortable with is when people come up to me and start talking about things no pregnant woman ever wants to hear about - like the crazy people out there that do horrible things. seriously!?! have some tact! (i had someone come up to me last weekend talking about the woman from a few yrs back)

btw, i love your belly pic from last week. i haven't stopped giggling at it. congrats on your newest little one to be!

I love that you threw heroin and crack in there. Hilarious and extremely brave on your part!

I am currently pregnant with my second son who is scheduled to be here June 8th (a week before his due date because of a *gasp* SCHEDULED C-SECTION) and have been so much more laid back this time around.

My first son will be a few days of turning 1 when number 2 is born (totally not on purpose, by the way) and I find that as horrible as it may sound, I don't really have time to worry about this pregnancy like I did with my first. I'm busy with snacks and naps and laundry and chasing around my increasingly mobile son all day. When people ask how far along I am in my pregnancy, I have to stop and think for a minute, usually counting on my fingers.

Like you said, so much of the outcome of a pregnancy is out of our hands and so worrying really just makes things worse in the long run.

I am just as eager to meet my second son as I was to meet my first, I'm just not letting every little thing bother me like I did before.

First and foremost... working out and staying in shape is BAD for you? *sigh* It's like... um, ok people...

So it's only my first, but I've been really really mellow. I think because I'm surrounded by other preggos that are SO uptight about everything that it's like, whoa, that looks like it sucks. I mean, I'm not having unpasteurized brie or lunch meat, or a flipping bathtub of gin every day for lunch, but I'm also not completely freaking out about everything. Even that, *gasp* occasional glass of wine.

Just me, and the way that I do things... people who want to tell me what to do just generally get a "look" from me, and not much else. Idiots.

With all of my pregnancies (three) I never really bothered to restrict myself from anything except alcohol. I ate, drank, and excercied as I wanted. The kids all came out healthy and BIG. Two of them weighed in over 9lbs a piece.

I guess I was a little more calm with number 2 and 3 since with my first I was a teenagerr (yeah I was that girl). Every day was traumatic when ever I allowed myself to think about the fact I was going to be a MOM and not a KID anymore. Yes, my second two were much easier.

I completely echo your sentiments. I felt so much calmer and confident the second time around and also allowed myself to indulge in some pregnancy no-no's. I had one cup of coffee every day, continued to exercise, ate tuna, slept on my back, even had a glass of champagne on my anniversary. I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy girl, every bit as beautiful and healthy as my son (who came from a pregnancy where I did everything by the book). My OB said it best when he told me that pregnancy is the most natural process in the world; just do what you normally do and your body will take of the rest.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy... soon you'll have TWO princesses!

The woman at my gym with a lovely, round pregnant belly who worked out every day until she gave birth was totally my hero. Not only did I think it must be very good for her body and her baby to keep herself fit, but she was very inspiring to me. I figured if the pregnant lady could do it, what excuse did I have not to?

So who knows? Not only are you keeping your body healthy for delivery and caring for a newborn, but you could be inspiring some fat girl to stay on the elliptical another half hour!

Well, it's good to know you haven't lost your sense of humor in all that peace.

I will most likely get more hate mail than you will for what I am about to say...

I've had four kids and I drank coffee and smoked cigarettes through each pregnancy. My OBGYN gave me the lecture, so you can all close your mouths now, thanks!

My oldest is 18 and my youngest is 18 months and each pregnancy was completely different for me. I was fine with the first, sick for 9 months with the second, felt on top of the world with the third, and was diagnosed with gestational diabetes with the fourth.

You're in the home stretch now and I can't wait to see pics of the new baby. Have you decided on a name yet?

I agree totally. I am 15 weeks into this second one, and well, lets just say the benign neglect had already kicked in. While I am experiencing a repeat of my 40 weeks of morning sickness I had with my first, it just doesn't seem to phase me. Granted I have way more help this time with my husband not deployed for most of it, and the guarantee he will be here for delivery, but it is more than that. Somehow I just figure it will all be just fine, it was with my daughter after all... Naive? Sure. But it works for us!

Now, I could wax nostalgic about my belief that all the "rules" about pregnancy and motherhood are just the last bastions of the anti-feminist movement...but that might just be the hormones bleating.

Best wishes for your growing family.

I felt waaaaay more tired and cranky for the second. He's more dramatic, too, even at 14 months old.

I remember crying more, and feeling hopeless & trapped in my body more. That may have had something to do with being in poor shape- kudos on that awesome healthy gym routine. I'm better now, but even though I knew it wouldn't last it still sucked. I felt a little like I was letting the second down already by taking that time for granted and not savoring. And I was letting the first guy down by being tired and cranky.

It surprised me that having a second child actually challenged my identity more. I sort of though I had the hang of it already.

One thing that was wonderful, though, was when he arrived and I held him and I knew how quickly the little hamster phase would go. So there were some amazing moments of loving just the peach-fuzz head and all those goofy firsts.

Congrats to your whole family.

I'm definitely not as all-consumed about being pregnant this time as I was with my first. I was more concerned at the beginning of this pregnancy (my second) than I have any recollection of being with my first. I have had some odd pregnancy-related health issues this time around, but it SEEMS that all is fine and well. I have found myself smiling and laughing to myself about the stress, concern, over-reacting, planning, etc. two of my friends are experiencing right now with their first pregnancies. I guess that's a good sign!! I am weary/wary of lifting things that are too heavy or carrying them for too long, but that's more because I know my back will complain loudly, not because I'm afraid to make the baby fall out. It's funny: I'm less conscious of "good" eating habits this time around - I've got a toddler to feed now, too! - and I've gained less weight so far than I did with my first (somehow, too, my belly is much larger - go figure!).

I had an entire 13 years between pregnancies (hence my toddler-and-teen-with-none-in-between status) and being *cough* older definitely played a role. I was not quite as energetic and despite continuing my workouts managed to pack on a ridiculous amount of poundadge--still trying to get those last few off! I didn't have complications until the very end and though it all eventually worked out fine the stress in my pregnancy was very hard to live with and could be what caused the PIH near the end. My first pregnancy back in my early 20's was much easier overall.

HAHAHAHA - Good.. because cocaine during the week would force me to call social services.

I felt pretty much like you do. There was just something so right about waddling along, pregnant with the second one and holding the first one's hand. And I had two miscarriages between my two, so I should have been doubly nervous, but meh. I was not.

During my first pregnancy I was very closed off from my husband. I didn't want to be seen naked at all. Basically my body stopped belonging to me and even less to my husband and it was all about the pregnancy. That attitude continued for about a year after my son was born and it almost cost me my marriage. Second time around was completely different and I felt sexy as hell with my big fat beautiful belly!

Hi Heather,

I've never been pregnant, but what you describe in your post is so much like what I'm feeling now. I've spent several years trying to figure out why I felt the way I did and what was going to help me feel like the person I knew was inside of me.

Recently, things have come together and I feel like I've woken up to my own life and to the validity of me just as I am. It feels very much like a second chance--or even a first chance--to really live my life rather than just survive it.

I feel so much more prepared to dive into whatever may come tomorrow or next week or next month. And I'm looking forward to it so much, to my own birth as what I always was inside.

I'm so lucky to be able to afford my own mental health, and my heart breaks for everybody who never gets that chance.

I'm 26 weeks into pregnancy 2, and have done a horrible job working out. I also don't take my prenatal vitamins because I puke every time they go down. I eat sandwiches, lunch meat, caffeine...all the things I didn't do with Baby#1. It's not that I don't care, but I just don't stress out about all the things that society tried to freak me out about the first time.

I felt better when I asked my doctor if my caffeine intake was ok, and her response was, "Don't worry - my labor and delivery nurses chug Mountain Dew when they are pregnant and on the night shift...just try to balance it out with water."

I'm so impressed with everything you put up with, go through, and how you manage to make everything funny. Thank you thank you!

Honestly, I tried to be super mellow during both of my pregnancies because I watched my sister be a complete neurotic maniac and her baby had colic. I know there's no correlation there, but I made one in my pregnancy-addled brain.
The second time around I drank coffee and diet coke daily, ate soft cheese, and, in general, didn't worry that much at all. I had a 10 lb. 2 oz. baby a whole week early.

I was just as sick, just as big, probably twice as tired, and I thought the 2nd pregnancy was a total breeze compared to the first. I felt like my first child was sucking the spirit right out me. The 2nd daughter "felt" far more calm, and I felt far more calm. Wouldn't you know, that's exactly who they are as people: I call my first daughter my journey, and my second my joy.

People are never afraid to look at my 2nd daughter and say, "Wow, you earned her." What's funny is as different as they are, I love them both exactly the same. Mothers love their girls!

Best wishes always,

Indiana Lori

I was young & adopted a 'don't ask don't tell' policy with my 1st pregnancy (& even then I also had a 'you can go ahead & ask but I still won't tell' policy thrown in there). I was lucky in that major swelling, a 60 lbs weight gain, and no one wanting me to ride in their car (on the off-hand that I would sneeze) were my only pregnancy complications. The 2nd pregnancy was definitely different & quite a bit more stressful for me. I worried a lot about taking better care of myself during that one. My 'complications' were that I had massive weight loss in the 1st & 2nd trimesters (which actually turned out to be nothing, but could someone have let me in on that little secret? NO!) & gestational diabetes in the 3rd (so I was induced early).

I think you have the right attitude about dealing with some people's irrational advice. I'm so glad that you've had such peace with this pregnancy. I hope it gave you the chance to really enjoy it (Did I really just say that? ENJOY a pregnancy?). I also hope that the rest of your pregnancy goes as smoothly.

I wish I'd had the energy to work out while I was pregnant both times, that's great that you are able to Heather. My second pregnancy was kind of interesting, it started out fine, though I, like you did not pick up a single pregnancy or baby care book the whole time. I also ate chocolate, I would put my almost two year old down for her nap, then go and get my two dove dark chocolates, I waited until she was asleep so I didn't have to share. I pretty much ate what I wanted, I had chronic nausea and it was the best way to keep it at bay. I worried much less, having done it all before or so I thought, until 28 weeks when my pregnancy turned high risk, with all the attendant monitoring and tests. It was hard, I had to take one day at a time and was grateful for each one my baby had to bake. Our second daughter came early, but thankfully healthy.

I have been pregnant twice - miscarried the first time, the second resulted in the most gorgeous and gifted little girl you've ever met.

But the "second" time around I spent the first trimester in complete fear, having miscarried the first time, that I didn't get to enjoy it. The second and third trimesters were just lovely for me...I truly loved being pregnant.

I'm not sure what I will do second time around, but I know that I will be more vocal in responding to everyone and their dogs' opinions on what I'm doing or not doing. That's fo-sho.

Have a great weekend! Can't wait for the big day!

Hmmm... interesting question. I gained a HUGE amount of weight (like 80 pounds) with my first. I gave myself every license to eat whatever the hell I wanted, since I'd been having fertility issues for the previous 5 years. I got so much crap from my OB about that. With my second, I ate more sensibly, but I also told my OB to mind his own damn business about my weight. That in itself made me more relaxed. By the time I was pregnant with my third, I finally felt confident in my own instincts and how my body is when it's carrying a baby. My husband finally chilled the hell out about the whole process the third time around as well.

So you asked, right?

First baby I had no idea, I slept most of it away and catered to my every impulse.

12 mos later I was pregnant with number 2. I didn't have the freedom to sleep for 2 days to get rid of a migraine. It was just completely different and I didn't really have time to worry about if I was doing everything correctly. My husband moved down to AZ from ID midway through the pregnancy. I was left to pack up the house, clean it and move everything down. Oh yeah, and I had a low-lying placenta that they were concerned was placenta previa (sp?). But even with all that, I enjoyed it, loved being pregnant and had an awesome quick delivery as well.

Number three was the icing on the cake. I had the whole mom thing down. I felt great. Very boring pregnancy. The delivery was phenomenal, less than three hours. No *snip-snip* as with the previous two. And OH MY GOD!!!- the sex afterwards was soooo fantastic. We resumed on day 10 post partum. So different than the first which was like 6 mos, I’m sure. Second was 5 weeks...

And as for the prenatal vitamins, I skipped those. Couldn’t stomach them. My babies were all exceptionally healthy-birth weights of 8-4, 9-1, and 9-1

WIth my first I did everything I was supposed to...and was scared out of my mind and barring the 9 months of morning sickness that had me lose 45 pounds ( and yes I had them to lose) everything was fine.
With my second I was on bed rest from 4 months on and had a drug being pumped into my thigh 24 hrs a day and a contraction monitor on 24 hours and oddly I was much more relaxed. Not because I wasn't worried but because I felt like in the end it was mostly out of my hands and what would happen would happen. And of course I was sick for 9 months again and lost the same 45 pounds again ( damn why don't they stay off after the babies show up?)

Everything was fine the second time around too...BUT i am never physically having another child pregnancy was MISERABLE.

Michele

I was a lot less naieve my second time pregnant. My first son was born very ill; he had a liver transplant when he was three months old. In the beginning of my second pregnancy, I worried a lot about "lightning striking twice". Thankfully I got past that and was able to enjoy my second pregnancy. My second son was born perfectly healthy and will soon be one year old.

I felt kind of bad that I wasn't as obsessed with every developmental milestone baby #2 was reaching.

Who has the TIME for all that when you're chasing a toddler?!

I am not pregnant nor have I had a child (yet maybe one day). But i look forward to reading your blog while I am stuck in my cube. I Laugh literally OUT LOUD and I get weird looks from my cube mates. I don't care. You are awesome and brighten my day! thank you for all your posts and good luck in your pregnancy.

PS i love the photographs of Chuck!

My first pregnancy was an ectopic (tubal) pregnancy, which resulted in emergency surgery and only one remaining fallopian tube. After that fun, completely out-of-my-control experience, I was just extremely grateful to be pregnant again. I didn't spend my time worrying about what might happen, just tried to take care of myself and enjoy the ride. The result was a BIG (9 lbs, 2 oz) happy, healthy baby boy. With my third pregnancy, I was even less concerned, since I was running around after a 2 y.o. boy all the time. Again the result was another (less) BIG (only 8lbs, 10 oz) healthy baby boy.

The best part of having my second son was labor, if you can believe that one. I was so much more relaxed the second time around, and it made for a fantastic, calm birth experience. I was so afraid of the unknown the first time, that I was tense, scared, and not really "in the moment" for most of it. My second son was born in 5 hours and I was entirely present for the experience...it felt more emotional too, since I knew what to expect and looked forward to a new chapter in our family.

Heather, I wish you that same kind of 2nd birth experience...calm, fully present, and with tons of happiness involved!!

I was pretty relaxed both times. But, even more the second time. The only thing I worried about was the fact that I was now having "a boy". (Which despite my worst thoughts was no different than having a baby girl.)

The first time I had the most horrible delivery experience ever. So, I always said there was no way the second time could be worse, or even equally bad. It wasn't. In fact I would describe it as very nice... if you are allowed to say that about labor.
Wishing you a healthy, happy delivery too.

My subsequent pregnancy was less stressed since I was prepared, having gone through one already. However, the baby was almost 3 lbs. heavier than my first, and a good thing too since I would have never had another kid if my second son had been my first!! We tore the shit out of each other when he came out, literally. Also, my first son was a picnic, easy going, etc. My second sone is HELL ON WHEELS. "Everyone is different", that's what Granny told me. She wasn't kidding.

After two pregnancies I had no idea coffee was bad for you :o Maybe because I come from a more coffee crazed culture than even America.

Both times I ate sushi, molded cheese and went in a hot tube and other different things I wasn't supposed to (or so they say). Didn't care.

Second pregnancy my diet was not as good as first (but not bad at all). No prenatal vitamins because they made me puke (and that's the only thing that made me puke, no morning sickness whatsoever). Both cases I was calm and just enjoying this amazing process and how everything is provided for the baby and I don't have to worry about a thing. No remembering to develop eyesight or limbs. They just came!

ah-men sistah. you do what you need to do and what feels right. you're a great mama and both kids are blessed to have you raise them.

Good lord I can't wait to hear about what it'll be like when Little Sis is born! I hope your feelings of confidence and wellness last all the way through the transition, and it feels so awesome when you get to have that siblings-holding-hands moment.

Well this is actually my first pregnancy, but I would say about 85% of the time I am pretty calm and relaxed. I remind myself that as long as I go with the flow and realize things are not going to go exactly as planned I should be fine. The other 15% of the time I am freaking out of course about a variety of things!

Oh man, with my first baby, I was a careful, caffeine-free, alcohol-free, vegetarian. Then I got knocked up again with twins, but miscarried one at 11 weeks. After that, I was all, eff-you, healthy lifestyle. And the baby craved meat. And I craved caffeine. And wine. And sometimes beer. So I had all those things, and guess what? The little stinker was JUST FINE. And weighed over 8 lbs. And just as beautiful as his older bro. So, best wishes to you, keep on hugging that x-ray machine!

i felt much more prepared and knowledgeable and thus more relaxed my second time through...i also suffered a miscarriage in between #1&#2 and learned to just let things happen. i'm happy for you & your healthy pregnancy!

SOUTHERN-ISMS!

Heather, I LOVE when you said "You know what I mean" in such an *awesome* Southern way in the Momversation. I am from Texas, and my husband says he knows when I'm serious or angry because I start talking with a Texas accent. The other day, he said "ain't" (which he never says) when he was obviously lying about something, and I said, "Don't be using 'ain't' when you're lying!" Ain't is -serious-.

I just had my second child. My children are 8 years apart which means that I am 8 years older and 8 years wiser. Even though I forgot a lot of what it is like to be pregnant and the maintenance involved in caring for a newborn I am loving going through the experience again- aches, pains, mental and emotional breakdowns and all!
I let myself enjoy being pregnant and appreciate that it might be the last time I get to experience everything associated with sharing my DNA with another being...and with the 8 years wiser I learned to not pay much attention to what you read and to not google every little symptom!

Much more relaxed with #2, was teaching Spinning by the time I was pregnant with #3 and taught class 3 days before I delivered him! Worked out the whole time with 2 and 3, much quicker recovery from both pregnancies and much happier mama.

Also, had a glass of wine when I wanted to with the later pregnancies and didn't worry about much, knowing what to expect made the entire time, birth, and infant-hood much easier.

Now #3 is in Africa and #2 is learning to drive, #3 is doing badly in 8th grade and doesn't care, and THAT stresses me out far more!

Well I haven't ventured into my second pregnancy yet but I can already tell you that my second pregnancy as well as my second child...will come with way more sense of peace and confidence in myself. Maybe I was a bit daring when I was pregnant but I remember a friend of mine (who is a little "on the edge" ) almost had a heart attack when I told her that I still ate salmon when I was pregnant. My doctor told me it was good for my baby's brain. She also quit a yoga class and made me walk slowly with her when we went for walks when she first found out she was pregnant. I tried to exercise and walk as much as I could when I was pregnant. People think you need to walk on egg shells, eat veggies and put your feet up for 40 weeks...can I say...NADDA! I mean...how else are you suppose to get your butt to not take over the rest of your body if you don't do a little exercise?? Oh and that last few weeks...I was bounce bounce BOUNCIN on the exercise ball...that baby came out and quickly and it was smooth sailing! And the advice I've given ANYONE who is on their first baby....don't read any books!! I was soooo good with babies until I read books and had my own and it was like I had no idea what to do at all because the book went against what I thought I should do. Lesson learned. Good luck...and at 37weeks...start bouncin!!!!! ;)

Thank you for writing about this! I've been feeling the same way lately. I have an almost-3-year-old son and I suffered two miscarriages in Sept and Dec last year. I was always so careful, I thought I was doing everything right, but as it turns out, it's all just a false sense of control. I am now 17 weeks pregnant and I've been calm this time around (and thankfully, all is well, which certainly helps). I've come to accept that the whole crazy pregnancy process is out of my control. And this time, I'm still eating deli meat.

Best wishes to you and your family!

As there will be NO *subsequent pregnancies* (one and done, thank you very much), I can only speak to my only pregnancy. I read the first few chapters of What to Expect and decided that the people who wrote it were trying to get me to join their cult. So I tossed it. During my pregnancy I:

* ate sushi (raw fish) every Monday
* drank caffeine (1 cup of coffee and 1 diet coke a day)
* took analgesics (tylenol & advil) regularly
* painted with regular paint
* got stage II melanoma and had radioactive dye put into my veins for 2 tests
* had 3 chest Xrays, a CT and a PET scan
* underwent surgery with general anesthesia
* took narcotic pain medication, including morphine and oxycodone
* had 15 ultrasounds to figure out what the hell was growing inside my daughter (turned out to be a grapefruit sized ovarian cyst) -- fun

Anyone who questioned me, told me I was killing my child, etc., got the same response:

** And it's your business because ... **

Then again, I didn't have a blog 8 years ago either.

BTW, my almost 8-year-old is oversized (she's 4 feet 11 inches already) and in an academic gifted/talented program. Personally, I think the sushi and tylenol made her a mutant, but really, it's probably all genetic (I'm a fucking genius and 5-9, and her dad's smart enough and 6-3).

Lynn

With Little Miss Kickboxer being 5 months old, we're just now warming up to the idea of #2--and I swear I can still remember every single thing I read in all of those pregnancy books. Which will mean much. less. reading. the second time around. Also, I plan not to freak out about 1. that half glass of champagne I had once during the pregnancy, 2. the cigarette I smoked a few days before finding out I was pregnant, 3. the faded spot on the stroller sunshade, and 4. my career (oh man, if you'd seen me the first time around ...!).

I DO plan to freak out about:
1. Explaining to my wonderful daughter that she'll be a big sister.
2. Explaining to the rest of the world that, yes, AT MY AGE!, I got myself pregnant AGAIN!
3. VBAC or second C-section.

That cocaine habit? Yeah, once a week seems about right.

Sending you the best thoughts for your L&D.

I gave up very little for my FIRST pregnancy. I'm not a great believer in the official guidelines and while I respect their intent, I think they're Going A Little Too Far and Just A Teeny Bit Paranoid. So, among other things, I ate the following during my pregnancy: 1 full-strength espresso every day, soft cheese, processed meat, raw oysters, peanut butter (in fact, I used a tablespoon to get the stuff out of the jar), McDonalds, sushi, food from bain-maries, and so-on. I did not take pregnancy vitamins because I'm pretty sure vitamins of any kind are a complete marketing rourt and you just wee them out anyway, and surely that's got to put a strain on your kidneys? I refused to give birth naturally and chose a caesarian.

I had a very healthy 9 pound baby boy with an APGAR score of 10.

I also followed very few 'guidelines' when he was born. I did not take breastfeeding vitamins, I started him on solids at 4 months instead of the recommended 6, I did not breastfeed him for the recommended 12 months, I fed him peanut butter, I did not sterilise, I put him to sleep on his tummy... and so-on. I think I've pretty much broken every rule there is.

He's a healthy, loving, active 9 month old who loves the world. What more could I ask for? Too bad so sad for the naysayers.

Women are smart. They know what's best for their babies.

Miranda :)

Heather, Just wanted to take a moment to wish you and soon to be here baby girl all the best. I am LOVING your website, your honesty and humor are very refreshing.
Best of luck in the next few weeks, I hope the peace, contentment, and medication last through the delivery!
You are doing everything right, interesting how "nutty" people can be, I read some of the comments from your bathroom remodel, hilarious! Only you know what is best for your baby, and you got Leta to five years old, so you must know at least something about raising a baby.
Best of luck, can't wait to see the nursery and the baby!

In my first pregnancy, I was 19 and single. I was standing in an elevator at work with one other person. While we were standing in there, the lady proceeded to tell me that if I didn't want my baby she would take it. Just for the record, I DID NOT know this person. I slowly inched toward the door and ran as fast as a 6 month pregnant woman could run when the door opened.

So far nothing like that as happened in this pregnancy. Yet.

I've never had a baby, but to me it seems perfectly sensible to keep fit. A fit body is supple and a supple body can do that whole birth thing, right? I have often wondered why we "treat" pregnancy as an illness when it's really another state of health. I wish you all the very best with the rest of your pregnancy and get such a sense of peace and calm from this post that I'm smiling here. :)

I was a little nervous during the first 12 weeks, since I too miscarried between my first and second pregnancy. It has been a long time (27 years) but I recall being more achy during the second pregnancy and being more uncomfortable earlier... especially lower back, knees and groin, was bigger earlier (my second baby, at 9# 4 oz was more than a pound bigger than my first), more tired (chasing a 3 year old in addition to being pregnant was a wipe-out) and with my first I was much pickier about food. I hated spicy things and I could not tolerate or even look at peanut butter... the, texture, smell, taste, was nauseating. Second pregnancy I ate everything with gusto. First pregnancy... no sex drive whatsoever. Second pregnancy horny all the time right up to the end. Also for the second pregnancy I never "dropped" and I had a much shorter, more intense labor. God speed Heather... you're almost there!

Hello Heather,

I would just like you to know that I also suffered a miscarriage (I was 10 weeks along and it was my first pregnancy) and two months later when I got pregnant again, I was still going to the gym about 4 times a week up until my 8th month of pregnancy! My giant pregnant belly (and I was HUGE) was sticking out of my shirt (like the new pepsi logo) and I did get a lot of stares. Buuuuuuut, as a medical professional, I can tell you that if your pregnancy has no complications, there is no reason not to be physicaly active! All those people giving you judgemental stares can stick it up their rear-ends! They just want to carry on using pregnancy as an excuse to pig out on powdered donuts and not do any exercise.

ps: I ate my fair share of powdered donuts...

Amazing how everybody feels that it is there duty to enlighten pregnant mother's to exactly how they should eat, breath, think, etc., isn't it? Even complete strangers.

My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage in the first trimester. Throughout my entire second pregnancy, I was MORTIFIED that it would happen again. I don't think that I relaxed an iota until the moment my daughter was first placed into my arms!

I had one more child after that and a whole lot less worrying. Remarkably, what I ate, how much or how little I moved around, what position I slept in, etc. didn't seem to matter as much. I blame BTDT experience, along with the fact that I was chasing a 3 year-old girl all over the place. In fact, I think that I was more worried about how she would accept a sibling...as well as how much sleep I could sneak into any given day ;)

You sound so satisfied and content with everything. Seems like a nice place to be. Best wishes to you and your family!

I agree with the whole not letting strangers get to you part. I definetly feel like I'm better at not taking every thing personal. However this pregnancy (I'm currently 21 weeks) has been hell compared to the first. With him I LOVED being pregnant. Every tiny milestone was so exciting. I didn't even mind that fact that the entire lower half of my body was constantly numb. This time the complications just keep on coming. I'm pretty much over by now. Today I landed myself a nice stay in the hospital because sneezing through me into terrible contractions. I'll be happy when the little fellow arrives healthy and I can be done with this.

*Also, feeling so miserable makes me feel guilty, like I should be enjoying it because I did the first time. Ugh

you are fucking amazing!

My youngest just turned 16, but I remember carrying him like it was yesterday. I went through a miscarriage right before I got pregnant with him, so every twinge, cramp, or flutter sent me running to the phone to call my doctor. I quit working out while pregnant because I was sure that's what made me miscarry in the first place, and as a result, gained 70 pounds! At the time, I worked in a maximum security prison, with an all male population of 2000. I worked right up until the night before I delivered, wearing uniforms tailored by female inmates at a nearby prison. Between my anxiety, the noise in the prison, and all the junk I ate, I do believe I helped my son to be ready for anything. He's currently in the gifted program at school, & has an IQ of 153.
It's been 17 years since my miscarriage, and to this day, I still think of the baby (it was a girl) that I lost.

Dreamy. I wasn't nearly as pissy or as freaked out - which is funny since I, too, miscarried between babies A and B. I look at child B now and think dang, I almost had someone else instead of you. It makes me all fuzzy and grateful inside.

I got those chills you get when you read something so true & real as I read your thoughtful take on where you are at during this time of your life. Talk about girl power! You have been through so much in your life yet you have empowered yourself by learning through your experiences and doing everything you could to move forward in a positive direction. I think it's also pretty cool how filled with gratitude you are that everything is going so well at this stage. You are a very inspiring person, so I think I speak for many when I say thanks for sharing your journey.
I never got to have a second child but I always imagined that if I had, barring any unexpected health problems, it would be more relaxing having some experience with the first. Childbirth seems like one of those things that people can only tell you so much about,you really have to experience it to truly know what it is.

This pregnancy has been physically more straining especially since I have a very active 16 month old. But the hormones are nicer this time, I have more blissful moments in the middle of craziness, I am not as freaking scared.

I guess after the first one I was thrust in to this world where there was something to love and protect and nurture and the ideas of threats to that end being out there was so overwhelming. It still is.

I guess this time I have no delusions about what will be- what kind of mom I will be, what kind of sleep I will get, what kind of love I will discover, and that is making me feel so much more at peace with this pregnancy.

I will be delivered by Monday, and the truth is, I will miss this body, this quiet, controlled connection to her, this safety that she has in there right now. But this time I feel more sure that somehow things are going to be alright.

Absolutely. Even with having twins the second time around, the pregnancy, delivery and the aftermath were ten times easier because I was in a place where I knew who I was, where I was going, and who was coming with me. Honestly, the first time kicked my butt so much that the twins seemed like cake in comparison.

Like you, I had a miscarriage between my first and second children. Also like you, I was more relaxed during my second successful pregnancy - I'd been through it before, so I knew I could give birth (it seems so daunting the first time), etc. etc. My midwife says so many of the restrictions are because of extreme caution/paranoia/lack of confidence in women (for example, drinking a glass of wine here or there won't hurt anything, but drinking a bottle of wine every day just might, so they tell us not to drink at all, for fear that we don't know the difference).

And by the way, my mom played raquetball the day before one of my brothers was born, so I think you're probably okay going to the gym!

I cannot tell you what I've done differently with my second pregnancy because I'm still waiting for a successful first.
In reference to Heather's long ago category of "how to charm me" - I am endlessly delighted by the obvious flasehoods that Heather adds. I love imagining the email she gets and wonder how people could possibly take her seriously. Call me tickled!

I was very meticulously cautious about everything during my first pregnancy: didn't have a lick of caffeine or artificial sweeteners. Second pregnancy I occasionally had 1/2 a can of diet coke. Third pregnancy, I allowed myself the occasional cup of coffee. My husband joked that if we had a fourth, I'd be guzzling beer, poor kid. Which, actually, come to think of it, since my fourth "pregnancy" was just on paper (she's adopted) I COULD have...

P.S. In most pregnancies, exercise is a GOOD thing. Doctors ADVISE it. I know, 'cause I am one. You know, 'cause I'm sure you asked. Gah -- people can be such ninnies with their unsolicited (oft ignorant) advice.

First pregnancy: I nibbled carefully on steamed broccoli, turkey breast, and fresh fruit. Napped a lot.

Second pregnancy: I dipped my bacon into the mayo jar before eating it. No naps because my 3-year-old son was awfully needy about that whole feeding and mothering thing.

My second pregnancy was with twins (Surprise! So much for the plan of two kids maximum!) so everything was different from the moment I found out. I ate way more, didn't exercise frequently like I did with the first, and from 27 weeks on I was on full bed rest, parenting a 3 year old from the couch is rather ineffective. They arrived 5 weeks early and healthy at the time (one was eventually diagnosed with some health issues, including Type 1 diabetes at 20 months) and I sometimes wonder if there was something that happened in the womb that caused one twin's pancreas to not develop as opposed to the other twin who is just fine.

The second pregnancy I was also MASSIVE and house bound so I cared way less about dressing in cute little maternity outfits than in the first when I was also working full time. Luckily, breast feeding twins got me back down to a small size as I was much more anxious to get my body back than the first time around. With the First that empty feeling you have of not sharing your body, is mildly sad and wistful. After twins, holy shit, I never want to do that again.

Heather, I've been reading you for years and like all the rest of us, anxious to meet baby girl Armstrong. Good luck!

I am 3.5 weeks postpartum with my second child, and though my pregnancy was much "lighter" and easier where emotions are concerned, I did have more difficulty with the physical aspects. Chasing a toddler when I would rather be impersonating a beached whale on my couch- that was hard. When my kiddo arrived I had some of the worst panic attacks of my entire life and I am really wishing I had realized they were coming and had gotten on medication beforehand.

All that being said (with the addition of anxiety meds), in general the second child is a wonderful, jovial experience. There is a real sense of lightness- You carry that same relaxed attitude of a second pregnancy into life as a mother of 2.

My second pregnancy was bliss! The baby was bliss! I felt so relaxed. My sister has one child and will never know that feeling. She remains an anxious mum and I think it's because she only had the one pregnancy.

Heather, Congratulations on having such a wonderful pregnancy this time around, and kudos for being relaxed enough (AND medicated enough) this time around to enjoy it a little more. You totally deserve it, and I'm so happy for you! As you already know, you just can't count on people to Be Kind and to not hijack your life as their own. But at least you have perspective on the matter and have learned (for the most part) to tune out The Nutters. Yea, Heather!

That is a really warm and touching post... I am happy for you. You are a great mom!

I've never been pregnant but as someone that's struggled with anxiety all my life I wanted to send you some gratitude for what you share about your big interesting creative life. I loved this post because it was so filled with hope and I know that feeling of getting to the letting go. There is something so meaningful about that. Yay for you.

What I find terribly amusing is the fact that ALL of us were birthed and raised by mothers who drank, smoked, didn't wear seat belts, etc. during the 70s and 80s. Who knew, who cared? And yet, gee whiz, most of us turned out fine and are reproducing. What the H*LL? Relax...

While I haven't had a 2nd pregnancy yet, my first was the best experience ever and as soon as my son came out I immediately said I wanted another.

Unfortunately, the stress of motherhood, finances, and a changed marriage makes me wonder if that will happen. Our son is the best thing that ever happened to me yet it has also been the most difficult, stressful, and I have never cried more because I always feel like I am inept. I don't know how women do a 2nd. I would LOVE to, yet the days are making me wonder more and more.

But without a doubt, he is the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm grateful how good he was to me during and after pregnancy.

Good luck, Heather. It is an amazing process. I definately miss the closeness. I think that's the problem. I miss my son being with me 24/7.

Caffeine, caffeine, caffeine ...
and my second baby is so much calmer than my first (who wasn't exposed to even a DROP of caffeine)

I ate brie and the odd piece of sushi during my second pregnancy. Gasp!

But I taught a weight-lifting class (BodyPump) at the gym until I was 7.5 months along in both my pregnancies and continued yoga beyond that both times as well, and my doctor was all for it so long as I kept hydrated and respected my limitations for certain moves. You should have seen the looks of incredulity I got when I was teaching... but on the other hand, I don't think my participants have ever worked harder because, really, if the pregnant lady can do it...

Heather, honestly, I've never been pregnant. But, if I were to be so (TWICE!), I'd feel so undeniably blessed. Times two.

I had the same thoughts during my second pregnancy! I wish you all the best during what will hopefully be a week or two left of your pregnancy. :)

I hope that I will feel more Zen if/when I have a 2nd pregnancy.
During the pregnancy with my son I was working for a financial firm, which let's face it when it comes to money people stress the "f" out plus doing everything on my own- it was inevitable that I would end up with pre-eclampsia.
I'm very happy that you get to really enjoy your second pregnancy. Congrats!

I only have one son (so far,) but it is so reassuring to hear that peace during pregnancy IS possible. After suffering pretty intense postpartum, the thought of having another makes be tremble in my boots. I hope the remaining weeks of your pregnancy are pleasant and uneventful!

If you had balls, I would kick you in them. OK, not really, but it kinda feels like I just got kicked in mine. (and I don't have balls either, I'm a lady)

I just lost my 5th pregnancy this week. Five. Who the fuck looses 5 babies? Me. Similar to your story, I thought all was finally OK at 10 weeks, only to find out I was fucking wrong.

The pain is raw. And I don't know HOW I'm going to do it again, I only know I'm going to try.
The whole sob story in in my blog, but I just wanted to relate, and say I'm sorry for your loss(es) and that I'm thrilled you have another wee child on the way! I'm just thrilled for your whole family!

Heather, you rule! And so do all these ladies who have just been so honest about what they did and didn't do during their pregnancies.

I recently finished a very long car ride (12 hours) with a very newly pregnant (and ridiculously cautious) gal whom I love to death. However, when she mentioned that she would have to stop eating tiramisu gelato because of the liquor in it, I almost lost it.

Thank you for restoring my faith in the fact that some people...you know...use their best judgment instead of adhering to every "rule" put in place to combat the high price of malpractice insurance.

And with that, I vow to never give up my coffee. I would stand no chance of pooping without it.

I felt experienced while pregnant with my second, and then got a kick in the ass when my third was born with several congenital heart defects that went unnoticed (somehow) at the 19.5 week sonogram. That delivery sucked (unplanned c-section) and is a long story and I'm doing it no justice at the moment with how I'm wording this. But that's ok. I signed the tubal ligation paperwork at 28 weeks gestation and never regretted it. Three is enough. I had the hardest time transitioning from one child to two children. Going from two to three children (even taking into account the high-needs baby) was cake. Cakeity cake cake. My kids' father wasn't really into being a father. Your girls have a wonderful father. I think you'll do great transitioning from one child to two children. My best to you. :)