I've only been pregnant once. However, I am petrified to have another one because the first one went so smoothly that I feel I could never be that lucky again. It seems like something would inevitably go wrong. Also, I'm one of those moms who is obsessed with her kid...and I'm fortunate enough to be about to stay home with her every day. I don't have to miss a thing. I'm afraid that if I have another one, I would have to find a way to split my love/attention and they would both get shortchanged. I really envy parents of more than one child though. Maybe one day....

I hope the remainder of your pregnancy is pleasant and your delivery is speedy. All the best to your adorable family:)

I only have one daughter. I have no plans for another. My first labor was 4 hours long and textbook perfect but I swear on all that is holy I have PTSD from it, BUT I digress. Anyway, where was I....OH...kudos to you and your exercise. Everything I have seen and heard about moderate exercise, through an otherwise uneventful, pregnancy is that it has the potential to help keep all those muscles "down there" nice and tone to help with a more efficient labor. So keep up the good work!

Honestly, I felt more zen...until the dr goes "Your measuring big, you might be having twins" and left me hanging with that for a weekend. WHAT? Twins? Can I sell one? Give one back? What does this mean twins? And twins run in the family so it was scary. Luckily I just had a rather large specimen of a baby girl in there.

I knew what to expect, I knew that if I kept calm the baby would be calm. I didn't freak with every contraction and didn't get up and walk. I just sort of naturally let it happen. Even going through labor till I was a 7 when I did an exorcist recreation and said "GIVE ME MY DRUGS" and then I became Mary Sunshine.

I think I freaked after she came out more because with 2 kids..everything changes. And I think thats the thing I wasn't prepared for.

I'm 32 weeks into the second pregnancy. This one has been the more stressful of the two for multiple reasons. I've been sick a lot, not more sickness I just seem to catch EVERYTHING. We also found out there is a blood clot at the insertion of the umbilical cord, which has turned out to not be a problem at all but caused us some stress for a few weeks. I worked out like a mad women during my first pregnancy elliptical an hour five days a week, weights five days a week and ate the best I possibly could. This time I haven't had the time to workout as much and didn't at all for a few few weeks we found out about the clot b/c I was told not to do anything jarring. My first baby was perfectly healthy and I also read that babies whose mom's worked out during pregnancy had stronger lung function and were less likely to have lung related issues (take that naysayers). Here is the last few weeks I've kicked up the working out and feel so much better, I probably should have just done it all along! I guess we'll see in a few weeks.

Now I'm looking forward to being pregnant one day so I can say a hearty "Fuck off!" to anyone who gives me shit about drinking coffee, eating a hamburger, etc while pregnant.

I'm so happy for you! You said it perfectly in this post.

I finally relaxed by pregnancy #3, and probably because my panic that came the week before #2 was born was just not necessary. I freaked that #2 would be just as hyper as #1... for nothing. You're right, the experience helps, and maybe that calm is projected onto the new baby and they are in turn calmer... maybe they're just a different kid. Who knows?!

All through pregnancy and babyhood of #3 I was so at ease it was an extended 'ahha' moment. I had even commented to my husband, "figures, now that I've finally gotten the hang of this baby stuff and being calm I'm done having kids" ...too bad we can't have that peace for the first.

Well, enjoy. Eagerly awaiting the news and pics!

I need to not watch these things. I am single and I have no children. My father was bugging me the other day about how I should get married asap since he really wants grandkids at some point in time. The excuse I gave him?

"Sorry Dad but I can't have kids. Then I'd have to give up coffee and you know I can't do that!"

Thanks Heather! Thanks for blowing that one for me!

OMG! Look at all these positive, supportive comments! It's seriously awesome. I love hearing about everyone else's stories and experiences, it's fabulous. Good post Heather. :D P.S. No children yet but all this stuff seems good to keep in mind for the future. Also, I keep directing my sister-in-law over here because you rock and she's due June 22 with her second so she's very much in the same boat. I wanted her to be able to read something she would soooo much relate to. (Her first is 4 years old.) Also also, the word Hershey is in my recaptcha. I think it knows you're pregnant.

I didn't have a subsequent pregnancy because the first two got so messed up I couldn't bear it again.

But I think you are absolutely on the right track. I did everything the way you're "supposed" to with both pregnancies. The first one I miscarried, the second I ended up with preeclampsia and had to deliver 9 weeks early. My son had a stroke en utereo and has hemiparesis on the right side of his body and a laundry list of issues that go with it.

Being calm and relaxed when you're nurturing a new life is probably the best possible thing you can do for your child.

I am the mama of three crazy little girls. The main difference I noticed was that with baby #1, my life was my pregnancy, my life was about prepping everything for this new little person who was about to arrive. With baby #2 who came a short 16 months after the first, I didn't have the chance to even think about the fact I was pregnant let alone prepare for her arrival. She got what she got because her big sister had outgrown it. In fact she slept with us and in her pack and play in our bedroom until her big sister left the crib just so she could have a crib of her own. With baby #3 who came 3.5 years later I found I had a mixture of both pregnancies. I didn't have time to think about the fact I was pregnant all the time because I had two little girls to chase after and dress 10 times a day but I also had this overwhelming need to buy everything new and pink and pretty. Probably because I knew she would be my last and I wanted to do it all perfectly but it worked out and now I have three little girls who light up our lives and also send us running to the door when we have a good sitter. Good luck!!!

Not pregnant, never been pregnant, and unless it's an immaculate conception, I'm not likely to be pregnant anytime soon.

But I have a dumb question. What are these wonderful benefits prenatal vitamins give your hair and nails? Would they do the same thing for someone who is NOT pregnant? Would it be OK to take them if you're not pregnant?

I'm 31 weeks pregnant with my first child and for the most part have had a peaceful pregnancy with regards to how other people treat me. No one has lectured me on foods, or exercising, or really anything.

Except for one topic. And one person.

My mother tells me almost daily about how much I'm going to need an episiotomy. Thanks mom. I love being told daily that you think someone should slice open my lady parts. I love you too.

My crazy hormones though haven't made me internally all that peaceful. Crazy mean pregnant chick is more like it. Hopefully I can get some of that calm that you have before the baby shows up!

Dear Heather,

I recently discovered your website because of the Oprah Show, like many others I'm sure. My third daughter is 3 1/2 months old and I'm going through the evening screamings, the when-will-she-stop-the-constant-nursing-and-then-barfing? and the wonder at her gorgeous smile because it still seems brand new and surprising.

I was always pretty laid back during my pregnancies but - yeah - I drank a lot more coffee, wine and beer during this last one =)

I was blessed with speedy and complication-free deliveries each time and "cursed" with months and months of colic and crying and no sleep...each time.

On a more serious note, I followed the links back to your postings about earlier miscarriages and was deeply touched by the way you described the loss and pain of miscarriage. At the beginning of this (my third) pregnancy, I went through a stage where I felt absolutely no symptoms of being pregnant and I was SURE I had miscarried. I was so anxious and almost depressed (I try to use this word only for actual depression...) but - I guess - my gut was wrong and the baby was fine. So, I can't really say that I know what you've been through but I was still touched by your words and how you've been able to turn the pain of the past into gratitude.

May God bless you and your family with a healthy child and may you be able to take it all in and be in the moment.

tabea (Ontario)

First, I am happy for you that this pregnancy has gone so smoothly for you and that you are able to feel peaceful and calm mere weeks before giving birth. I hope the labor, delivery, and newborn stages are as kind to you!

With my second pregnancy, I think quite frankly that I was so darn busy chasing after my firstborn who was exactly one year old when we conceived, that I really didn't have time to think or worry about much. We had to use in vitro for both of our pregnancies, and I knew going into it that the second pregnancy would be my last, regardless of the outcome. For that reason, I'm sure I was very cautious in the beginning to follow the rules regarding heavy lifting and such. But as far as worrying about what to eat and what to avoid and all of that -- I'm sure I was more relaxed because I'd already had one child and everything turned out okay with that one. I might have even *horrors* had a glass of wine or two in the 2nd pregnancy!

It's a pattern that continues after the child is born too. With the first one, every time the pacifier hits the floor, you're boiling and sanitizing it. By the time the second one comes along, a quick puff of air to blow off dog hairs and stray crumbs is all that's required. :)

With my first kid I was an organic vegetable loving, exercising, green tea drinking freak.

Second kid. Easy going, hamburger eating, coffee drinking, couch potato.

They are both healthy, fantastically annoying, lovely children. Pregnant women need to RELAX.

My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage, and although in many ways that made my second (and successful) pregnancy feel more fragile, it also meant I was able to relinquish the cracked-out notion that I was actually in control of the process. With the first pregnancy, I did everything I was supposed to and it still didn't end with a healthy baby; the second time around, I concentrated on living as well as I possibly could and yet did so with a thin candy shell of zen to protect me from all the anxiety just begging to flow in and make me a crazy person.

I remember when you first got pregnant with Leta, and I'm so glad this daughter is being a little easier on you already. :)

I was definitely more relaxed during my second pregnancy. I even let myself eat sushi the second time around...I never even worried about it! BTW, everyone told me how much easier the second child is...IT'S A LIE! God bless him, he's wonderful, but easier...no way!

I was the same way with my second. So much so that when she was born, the nurses in the hospital asked me the second day if everything was ok because I seemed way to "blase" (the nurses word, not mine). They were concerned. lol.

I bet you this experience is going to be night and day compared to Leta's. It is what it is and Leta's experience is her story and what helped shape you as a mother. I have found this to be true for me and I look forward to hearing you joke about how this daughter of yours has kept you up all hours and etc., but I also look forward to hearing you talk about how relaxed and more enjoyable this time around is.

I've had two miscarriages. The first, by the book,cut out coffee, etc, etc, and miscarried at 7 weeks. The second, craved vodka, sushi, and mcmuffins from mcdonalds, and it lasted 10 weeks.

We joke that I should take up all manner of unhealthy habit as it might earn us the rest of the pregnancy.

My doc ok'd the sushi, the alcohol in moderation, as she put it "people are going to DRIVE you mad." She asked, "you're not downing a 6 pack and mainlining hard drugs? then don't worry about it."

The pregnancy police did come out in force to tell me I was wrong and that by even stepping in a coffee shop, I was fairly killing my baby, and wouldn't I feel bad if something went wrong?

It's that whole pregnant woman is public property thathas made me hesitate trying again. Suddenly people think it's OK to jam their two cents worth in my face because "she might not know better."

Bring on the sushi, I say, and stay out of my way. I'll have bigger issues to contend with as a recurrent miscarrier. ( however, my doc did say that as an informed patient, she wishes more were like me. Aw..)

Hope the next few weeks aren't too rough, and happy hatching vibes. I'm still laughing over the donut and beer pictures. Much better than the introspective misty eyed momma draped in a sheet, cradling the belly pic.

I came off antidepressant medication when I found out I was pregnant. The clarity was incredible. I'm 35 weeks now and I have been so lucky- I really hope I don't need to go back on to them, but if I do, c'est la vie.

I'm so tired of the pregnancy police. I thought that after giving birth to a perfectly healthy baby I would no longer have to answer questions beginning with, "Are you allowed..." But no. As a breastfeeding mother I've already been asked, "Are you allowed to eat brie / drink wine / enjoy yourself / etc?" ARG!! The best is when the questions come from someone without kids...especially a man.

First baby gestated on a steady diet of fruit, vegetables, yoga and pampered pricess glow.

2nd baby: steady diet of chocolate and running myself ragged after 3 year old.

Result: 2nd baby happy, easy, considerate enough to be born on due date.

Since daughter number 2 is only 2 months old, this topic is still fresh in my memory. I was much more relaxed the second time around while pregnant. Childbirth was shorter and significantly less traumatic this time...and I'm much less depressed post partum. It doesn't mean it still isn't really hard and I'm not hugely sleep deprived, I just know that this stage won't last forever and I will eventually feel normal again soon. Good luck.

Heather, thank you for your honesty- again. I think a lot of people can relate to this. We entered our second trimester yesterday, and also received our genetic screen results, and breathed a giant sigh of relief. The calm has set in, and I know it will be here, as it is with you, until close to the end. This is our 7th pregnancy, and will hopefully be our third child. (warning- we planned on 2, agreed to stop at two, but learned that discussing a vasectomy is NOT enough) I appreciate that you are so honest about the fact that your medications could be helping, and want to point out that your continued focus on your total health- mental and physical- is probably helping as well. My husband and I do triathlons, and I was in the middle of a 5 month training plan when I found out I was pregnant this time. I've continued as much of the training as possible, even though I got banned from running, and I get strange looks from people who do not exercise, but hear tales from other racers about women who have competed while very pregnant (I'm not that crazy). I did not exercise prior to our first daughter being born, and had a difficult time recovering (emotionally and physically) after her birth. With our second daughter, I had changed my nutrition, and focused on my total health- the result being an easier birth, faster recovery, and an overall better experience (and a lot less cheesecake). I also think mentally the second delivery was easier because I knew what to expect, and even when small things went awry, I could handle it- been there, done that.

Best wishes to you- and thank you, as always, for your honesty. I hope your husband continues to enjoy the calm, and look forward to reading about your birth and post delivery stories, and how Leta adapts to being a big sister.

I was relaxed about what I "should" and "shouldn't" do during both pregnancies. I don't know why, because usually I care too much what people think, but I was able to brush off that societal tongue-clicking really easily. Maybe because the standards are getting so ridiculous that you can't even take them seriously. And I'm actually really offended by the notion that my ability to carry a baby makes me public property and gives people the right to scrutinize my behavior. Guess it just came down to "Fuck That."

But while I felt emotionally stable during my first pregnancy, I was HORRIBLY depressed during my second. Regardless of how much coffee and sushi I consumed, or not. Both pregnancies were very healthy, but baby #2 was born with unexpected health problems. I'm typing this from the hospital, in fact. He should recover well in time, but it's a long, long process.

And I can't help wondering if there is a connection there. That some part of me knew, deep inside, that there was something wrong with this baby. Because I just didn't have that overwhelming sense of despair when I was pregnant with my first, and very healthy, child.

Part of me wants to try for a third and see what happens, but I never want to feel as low as I felt during that pregnancy again. Even with a sick newborn in the hospital and a toddler at home, and no family living nearby to help out (a totally overwhelming situation), I still feel heaps better now than I did during the first trimester of #2.

Ahh Hormones!

If you keep up with this easy feeling I know that breastfeeding be easy for you this time, you're so much wiser because of your past experiences.

You're going to fly and do great! And wait until Prolactin hits you from breastfeeding, and keeps you feeling chill.

Good luck and have a great birth.

I was so much more relaxed during my second pregnancy and even the labor and delivery. It had that "been there, done that" attitude, so I enjoyed it without being nervous. Also, it was so much easier at home with the baby. Everything came right back and I knew to appreciate the time with my daughter because I realized how quickly it flew by with my son. Good luck and best wishes, Heather! Everything is better the second time around!

I was much more relaxed with my 2nd also, particularly about diet. I also gained twice the weight I had with my first, and even though I didn't have gestational diabetes people were strangely empowered enough to keep ASKING me if I had it, because I was so suddenly fat. Because, you know, there's no such thing as a rude or too-personal question when asked of a knocked-up lady. (When I had to take my wedding band off before it cut off my finger's blood supply, I even had someone cattily ask, "single mom, hey?" not that I think that's a problem, but clearly this person did.) Lucky for me my serenity hormones kicked in HARD and nothing bothered me, even the delivery of my ginormous baby who ripped up my down yonder pretty thoroughly.

I've switched to making 1/2 caff, but I still drink 2 cups. I do get kind-of iffy about the lunchmeat, though, & I do microwave it, which makes it kind-of gross & unappetizing. I think it's because I got a nasty case of the flu @ lie 8 weeks pregnant & don't want to be throwing up like that again for awhile. Am little more diligent about getting sleep, not eating too much salt, but I am not as freaked about every little thing. I am on antibiotics right now & did have to call the midwife about which cough syrup last night, but it turned out to be a good thing that I did.

Thanks for the ending with the heroin & such. Needed that laugh, although my stomach muscles are killing me from holding them in when I cough so I don't pee. Does that count as exercise?

Do people have no sense of where they stand in the course of history? That some of the most brilliant minds in history were born to mothers who drank, ate whatever they wanted, and gave birth in filthy conditions with midwives? 95% of the world (I'm estimating conservatively) *gasp!* doesn't know what "prenatal care" even means.

Sometimes it is no wonder to me that the rest of the world hates Americans. So many of us are completely disconnected with common sense & have no idea how most people on the planet actually live.

I was far calmer with the 2nd one, and he has a calmer personality. Connection? Or just coincidence?

~Shrug.~

I was equally relaxed in my second pregnancny and it has progessed into being much more relaxed with my second baby ... breaking all sorts of "rules" I wouldn't have dreamed of the first time around. And yes, the PND medication helps too!!

I am right there with you. 38 weeks (and a week away from my csection) and I could not be more relaxed about this pregnancy. I've continued eating lunch meat, shrimp, drinking caffeine, having a little wine every now and again (so sue me, my doctor said it was FINE PEOPLE). I've highlighted my hair and even had a straightening treatment ( I live in Florida, I HAVE to otherwise I will look like Diana Ross). I basically stopped exercising because I was on no movement for the first three months and I found I liked it ;) I think with this one I gained 40+ lbs already so I feel like if I'm going to be a heifer I might as well enjoy things, eat what I want, and worry about losing it later. Of course, I had to go and get stretch marks (which I managed to avoid with my first pregnancy) but screw that. I only have 4-5 and I'll get them lasered off when I have my tummy tuck. JK, I know stretch marks are permanent no matter what. Not JK about the tummy tuck though, I'm getting that sucker taken care of if exercise doesn't work. Or if I'm too lazy. Or if I win the lottery.

The bottom line is I don't have the time with a 2.5 year old, working full time, and this insane nesting habit that I also managed to avoid with #1. Oh yeah, and husband just had back surgery so I basically HAVE to haul around 30+lb child, groceries, huge boxes full of books because HE DID NOT MOVE THEM BEFORE HIS F-ING SURGERY LIKE I HAD BEEN ASKING HIM TO DO FOR 3 MONTHS. You get the idea.

With the first, you have no idea what it's like to have a baby so you obsess about everything that is going on with your own body. With the subsequent pregnancies you're dreading the every two hour feedings, the pain of trying to get the hang of nursing (if you're going to do that), and not getting enough sleep. You're already worrying about what kind of vaccinations you will allow your child to have and how you will space them and if the off-gases from your child's mattress will cause SIDS. You worry about how the older sibling who is spoiled rotten with being the ONLY CHILD is going to react to the baby. You worry if your mom is going to get annoyed with you because you don't do things "her" way while she is here to "help" and when you tell her that you can handle it and that you're not stupid (amongst hormonally induced sobs) she's going to again tell you to "stick your child up your ass" and give you the silent treatment for three days IN YOUR OWN HOUSE and then pack up her bags and go to your sister's house. Oh yeah, true story. And all the references to "you" doesn't necessarily mean you, but they always mean ME.

Oy.

I am delurking to comment for the first time. I LOVED my second pregnancy the most--my only girl. My first and third pregnancies were more difficult and stressful--boys. Now, my boys have been easier to parent and the girl has been, well let's just say, more trying. Looking forward to hearing about the new baby!

Mom from Iowa

By the way, I really love your writing and sense of humor!

I was much more relaxed, in spite of having three prior miscarriages. Two of them were before my oldest. One was between the two girls. (Kasia's 12 next week and Emily is 8.)

And no matter what happens, you're right...there's only so much that is within your control. You can't be a total freak about it.

I am still not grasping what the big deal about a whole whopping TWO kids is, but I guess we all have different levels of what we find stressful.

I spent my entire first pregnancy in denial that I was really about to have a baby. I ate a healthy diet, exercised, and stayed away from anything horribly unhealthy. I still drank diet coke because my OB told me that caffeine had indeed been found to increase risk of miscarriage....if you drank an entire pot of coffee each day.

I had our second child 16 months after our first AND I had a miscarriage in between them. Because of both the miscarriage and the fact I now had a clear understanding that another human being was actually inside of me, I was actually more paranoid the second time around as far as foods go.

With the third (born 3 years after the second)I was more relaxed. By the fourth (born 2 years after the third) I was comfortable with all of it. I knew exactly what to expect and I knew how my body would respond at every stage of pregnancy and labor.

Every time I see a woman say she "can't" lift anything (or whatever the task may be)because she is pregnant I have the overwhelming urge to punch her right between her eyeballs. Sure you can! You just have to listen to your body and use proper lifting techniques. American women become total pansies when they are pregnant. I moved our house when I was 6 months pregnant! I did more and more with each pregnancy. With our fourth pregnancy I was outside in the heat mowing the grass with my toddler in a pack on my back. I don't get the whole "I am delicate and you must worship me" bs that most pregnant women expect. The point was, I wasn't delicate in any pregnancy and got progressively less so with each one.

I want to read more of these comments -- I only got down to #60 -- but the monkey is waking from his nap. Funny, most comments are saying that they are/were more relaxed with their subsequent pregnancies ... I am way WAY more stressed with my second (and I'm only 16 weeks). My first was super easy, a little bit of nausea, swollen feet close to the end, but nothing major. This time, with friends going through multiple miscarriages, and just knowing more about labour, and all of the horror stories people (thankfully) saved for after my first was born, I"m a nervous WRECK. My nausea stopped after week 8 -- that was a sure sign something horrible had happened (nope). I haven't been an emotional mess -- there must be something wrong (nope). UGH!
Good luck, and keep this calm ... forget about YOU, it's good for ME :)

I am not pregnant yet, but plan to be in the near future :) And I consider your blog an excellent source of information along with the What-to-expect kind of books. What you do is amazing and I love your style of writing and think you are hillariously funny.
We have in the family one of the fanatic mothers who all together ate about 5 foods during their pregnancy because everything is either deadly for the child or potential allergen. Their first child turned out to be a copy of Leta :) Wouldn't eat anything, wouldn't sleep, horribly stubborn plus sick all the time. And you know what? The second kid is an angel. Will eat anything, sleeps well and is totally laid back.
And I totally believe not-Maria will be a really relaxed baby as well :)
Oh, and I loved the heroine/cocaine provocation at the end.

Thank you for this post. I'm 27 weeks pregnant with #2 and I'm definitely allowing myself more cheese, lunch meats, etc. with this pregnancy. I've also been having one caffeinated coffee drink a day. Then I have friends who are pregnant who won't even eat chocolate because of the caffeine. Come on. What is annoying is that question you get "oh, so you are drinking coffee?" Yes, leave me alone.

I imagine the same will happen after the baby is born.

I'm definitely less stressed this time around and honestly annoyed with the amount of prenatal visits I have to go to. Who has time to go to the doctor when you have a 2 year old to find child care for, a job, and a life. I'm not looking forward to those every week appointments. I don't usually have any complaints or questions to ask. I guess I should feel fortunate about that. Here's to having a safe birth that is easier than #1! And I wish you the same!

Glad your keeping the crack down to weekends only, your daughter will thank you when she is born!

Well, I am pregnant for the second time. I haven't told my boss, and I haven't written about it on my blog - and it's not because of the usual reasons like worrying about employment, etc. but because for this, the second time round, I am just trying to remain calm.

I delivered our son in a stillbirth at seven and a half months, a little over a year ago - about 15 months ago I guess. And we're expecting again...I am 8 weeks today.

We found out after losing Henry that there is, in addition to the Rheumatoid Arthritis that I've had since age 6, a few other things that are complicating factors - antiphospholipid syndrome, and the lupus antibody are a few. I had mini strokes in the first pregnancy, and in the end had severe pre-eclampsia.

This time we hope to mitigate those risks with Heparin therapy (I start next week) and a calm environment.

But that second part, the calm thing, is a bit of a challenge when I remember what we went through not so long ago, and the pain after (since).

The specialist has told me that I have a 50/50 chance of delivering a healthy baby and that we could lose this one anywhere in the pregnancy, even as late or later than Henry. And there's also a 1% chance that I could die.

We decided to try again, and hope and pray that everything turns out okay - that's all we can do.

Best of luck to you, Dooce! And please send good wishes to us.

Tamara

I have not yet been blessed with a second pregnancy, but thank you for sharing how yours has been. I have suffered from anxiety for many years and my first was definitely anxiety overload. I worried over every little thing. I am figuring that with the second I will be so focused on my first born that the pregnancy will become smoother somehow? We shall see!

Im sorry but the herioin and cocaine comments got me laughing so hard.. You say it with such a delivery that its almost believeable.

Thank you for you humor.
I love it.

I was more relaxed my second pregnancy, but also a lot sicker...then I found out about week 20 that my little girl was going to be born with a cleft lip, possible cleft palate, and when the doctor said it could be due to chromosonal disorder (meaning the baby wouldn't live to be a year) I became severely depressed. The doctor prescribed Zoloft for me, and there was never a question whether or not I would take it -- if I hadn't, I would be dead and so would my baby.

My little girl was born perfect except for a minor cleft lip (only cosmetic) and the amazing thing is that since I stayed on the anti-depressants, I too got to experience having a newborn without the freakout (my postpartum after my first was pretty ugly). I felt bad for my son that I was so crazy when he was a baby, because the second time around we just sat around and worshipped Maya and enjoyed every second of her babyhood. She was a very calm baby and ended up sleeping through the night after a month (my son didn't sleep through the night for 2 1/2 years) and overall our family was soooo much happier.

I stayed on the Zoloft for a year before slowly weaning off (although I am taking it again -- depression runs in my family and it wasn't entirely due to the pregnancy/post-partum). I certainly felt much calmer when people tried to tell me what to do with my baby that first year, and all the weird things people do just kind of rolled off (including the subtle questions about whether the cleft was my fault somehow -- no, I put the crack pipe down for nine months). My daughter had surgery to close her lip (I have some pics on my site) and we made it through that experience without a hitch.

Enjoy your pregnancy, Heather. Enjoying my daughter's birth and first year in a relaxed state of mind was one of the best gifts I ever gave myself, and I will never regret it.

My second has been caffeinated since conception. She's one and still nursing because she refuses to wean and, with a 3 year old too, I am too tired to care much. I drink occasionally and exist almost entirely on diet coke and coffee and she is wonderfully healthy.

My husband jokes that one day, when she's like 13, she'll try a diet soda and go, "Mama?!"

Yeah, my breastmilk is most likely carbonated.

Oh I so agree with you in regard to people being fanatical.....it is just getting out of control. I am an avid rider of horses, compete in dressage, and rode until I was 5 months pregnant - and I received all sorts of comments about it. (I have a gorgeous little boy - I was fine). I also had a woman at my work tell me that I should not wear high heels to work because, and I quote, "that baby could fall out of you at any moment".!!!!! I am not kidding you!!!!! How is that??? I could not believe her comment. I told her to her face that I thought she was bloody ridiculous and she could take her comments and shove them. This is when I was 7 months pregnant......So good on you - get out there and enjoy life. You will be fine and so will your little newbie love bug.

LOVE your comments about heroin and cocaine. Very funny.

Oh my god I LOVE the way you said "knowwhatImean?" in the prenatal vitamin segment! You've mentioned your accent before of course and I always love hearing you speak but that was the ultimate for me. Thank you.

Oh yeah, the topic - I was much more relaxed the second time around. Experience and being too busy with the first child I guess. And I also drank my coffee every morning.

This is my 3rd pregnancy, I'm 27 weeks, and am SO much better off with my coffee and diet coke. Living in Utah as a non-LDS I've always enjoyed the slight rebelliousness of carrying around a cup of coffee- and a pregnant woman with coffee seems quite taboo. I love it! I almost wish I smoked just for the shock value...

But I do hate that now with 3 small ones in tow everyone assumes I'm LDS - what I really want is a t-shirt that reads "Catholics - the ORIGINAL breeders." Sorry, I'm warped, living here will do that to you ;)

Now that child #4 is 15, I look back with the objectivity of time ... NOT!

Wow, it seems like each pregnancy and each newborn period was filled with the emotions and atmosphere of the moment. By the fourth (easiest in oh-so-many ways, and the only girl) I really thought I had it down, until I leaked amniotic fluid at 29 weeks and spent the next 6 flat on my back. Mother nature's way of saying ENOUGH!

Love this post and the rush of memories it brings ...

I was wary in the beginning of my third pregnancy as my second one ended in miscarriage and I was pregnant again (my family calls me Fertile Myrtle for a reason) only a month and a half after suffering that loss. At 8 weeks I started bleeding again and ended up miscarrying a twin. One successfully stuck around and after the 6 month mark I felt great- I hadn't gained the same weight as the first one, I was more active, as a diabetic my bloodsugars were under better control... it was cool. Then I became toxemic and had to undergo emergency c-section at 37 1/2 weeks. Everything worked out beautifully and Maddy, my youngest, is the most laid back, easy going kiddo ever. She's going to be 10 next week.

Congrats on making it through this one. I almost guarantee life will be twice as amazing.

I have that peace about my son who autism. I'm so damn happy to have him in my life that I don't care about the ridicule I receive daily. As you know, everyone is an expert on how to deal with autism. It's like being pregnant for your entire life.

I really admire you for your honesty (and bravery) regarding pregnancy.

I'm a little ways behind you, and am due at the very beginning of August. This is my first child.

Two years ago, I was in a horrific accident where a semi driver tried to purposefully run me over in my little Honda Civic. I escaped (relatively) unscathed, but with a scorching case of PTSD. I'm still dealing with PTSD today.

I have been very heavily criticized by everyone (but my OB, thankfully) because I have continued to take my antidepressant through my pregnancy. People don't seem to realize that the risk rendered by taking Wellbutrin presents less of a risk to my baby girl than a the risk of having a suicidal pregnant woman off her meds.

People don't seem to realize that, regardless of the limited information they have about my life, I have the best interests of my baby at heart.

Thank you for being relatable. Thank you for being human.

A coworker of mine shared a cube wall. Another coworker sat diagonal to me; this means I could hear all conversations.

One lady was pregnant with her third. I asked if she wanted a little cup of coffee. Other lady got mad at me and pregnant lady for the coffee incident. Other lady had one kid 10 years ago when she was 17; but she is the expert. Pregnant lady and I just rolled our eyes.

Heather, I didn't realize that newborns COULD be enjoyed until I had my second, and I was thrilled to be able to sit for a while (well, hours) and cuddle and smell her. This was a drastic change from having my first daughter, where I was plagued by feelings of unreality, wondering what on earth I had done, feeling like I didn't have a clue how to mother, and eventually experiencing full-blown post-partum depression. I hope that your feelings of being in exactly the right place continue after the birth of your second and that you get to experience the wonder of having a newborn that I got to experience only the second time around.

I could add to the abundance of "yep's" and "same for me's," but to spare you the boring details, I had a tougher second pregnancy, but a more hilarious time of figuring out my body. In fact, my first was so much smoother and physically easier that I thought this second one was going to suck the actual life out of me. I didn't have morning sickness or aches and pains or sciatica with the first ... I had them all with the second. Not to mention the 6 times I was sick with either the stomach flu or a serious cold. One even turned into a sinus and ear infection. I should mention that I rarely get sick, so it was really irritating to be so sick for so long. Plus, my poor daughter who had to suffer through my lack of energy and ability to go and play with her or even just sit on the ground while she played in her room. Anyway, as far as the unfortunate comments that others love to interject while you're pregnant about how you're taking care of yourself and your baby, I had a really funny experience with that. I blogged about it here:http://www.mercyssake.com/2009/03/my-condition-great-pregnancy-story.html. Let's just say, it's my husband's favorite story of when someone noticed my "condition." FYI -- Baby boy came out perfectly healthy 4 weeks ago. Good luck and God bless your delivery.