• sarah

    I am a freak! My second pregnancy, I was wracked with anxiety! I was 22 or so when I was pregnant with my first, and like the baby I was, I was just walking along, la la la, doing what my dr. told me, taking it all for granted. Then I stayed home on bedrest and got hooked on daytime TLC programming. Then I got pregnant with my second and quit my job and omg the worry! all those horror stories of people losing their babies in their 38th week. Maternity Ward on TLC? bad! bad! My husband, on more than one occasion, had to physically stand between me and the tv, saying “okay…that’s enough” lol. I was convinced there was something wrong, and convinced that because everything went well the first time and I took it for granted, everything was going to go horribly wrong the second time. I laugh now, but still. I was definitely not more calm the second time around and I totally thought that was the norm, but I just read through most of the comments and apparently I’m the weirdo haha.

    My capture is berth thing. Is that weird?

  • https://www.thehowertons.com Kristen

    I was a major headcase during both of my pregnancies. The hormones and I did not get along and I was staring forelornly at my off-limits bottle of Ativan on more than one occasion. I had five miscarriages before my first pregnancy “stuck” so that explains the anxiety (although if I’m really honest, it was a pre-existing condition). With my recent pregnancy, I was doing pretty well and staying positive until I failed my AFP test and was flagged high risk for Down Syndrome. Then I was a stress case again until I delivered my daughter last month – a healthy baby girl.

    To be honest, I really freaking hated being pregnant both times. Some times, I hear others talk about the joys of pregnancies and get wistful/feel robbed/etc. Other times, I think I’m just not the kind of person who likes hosting a parasite in my belly. A parasite who is now very well-loved, nonetheless.

  • http://www.happinessontap.com Elizabeth_K

    I’m in the middle of my second pregnancy now, and against my thoughts and wishes (I was talked into it by the doctor) we got one of those damn blood tests for diseases, and they said we have a higher likelihood of having a baby with Down Syndrome. Now we don’t care either way, we certainly aren’t going to abort, but the “you have a 1 in 50 instead of a 1 in 250″ crap is just killer. So, I am both more relaxed in exactly the way you say (although I too suffered a miscarriage) and I do still occasionally bike to work, I am also kind of keyed up about … everything. Anyway, nice post — glad to hear you are at peace!

  • :)

    I was the same way with my second. So much so that when she was born, the nurses in the hospital asked me the second day if everything was ok because I seemed way to “blase” (the nurses word, not mine). They were concerned. lol.

    I bet you this experience is going to be night and day compared to Leta’s. It is what it is and Leta’s experience is her story and what helped shape you as a mother. I have found this to be true for me and I look forward to hearing you joke about how this daughter of yours has kept you up all hours and etc., but I also look forward to hearing you talk about how relaxed and more enjoyable this time around is.

  • http://zeghsy.blogspot.com zeghsy

    when i was pregnant with the monkey, other than some nausea in the morning (that was taken care of by constant eating), i felt i had a breeze of a pregnancy. i once obsessed about a little spotting and feeling overheated one day. but i had a co-worker i sat next to who was more freaked out that i might deliver right there in her cubicle. i wish i would have exercised (at all) just to make the weight come off easier and to heal from the c-section better. frankly i’m surprised you’re getting funny looks or comments at all about exercising while pregnant. it was encouraged by my doctor and lamented afterward by the new one (insurance change DURING my pregnancy).

  • http://www.jenandtonic.ca jenB

    Maybe it is because I work out at a women only gym, but no one seems to get looks except positive ones, from my experience. Are Mormons not supposed to work out during pregnancy? I have and will only be pregnant once, but I think I was busy being anal about the whole diabetic thing to stress about coffee or lunch meat. Rock on lady.

  • http://www.suburbanmatron.com Becky

    Like you, I had a miscarriage between my first and second children. And yep, when I was pregnant with my second child, I just didn’t worry about anything. I didn’t crack a book, whereas the first time around, I was full of factoids I’d gleaned from What to Expect, and The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy, and OMG You’re Huge! Weekly or whatever.

    Actually raising the second kid has been that way too–I just don’t sweat the details the way I used to. He seems to be okay so far. I hope you keep feeling good right up until the big day!

  • Nico

    I’ve had two miscarriages. The first, by the book,cut out coffee, etc, etc, and miscarried at 7 weeks. The second, craved vodka, sushi, and mcmuffins from mcdonalds, and it lasted 10 weeks.

    We joke that I should take up all manner of unhealthy habit as it might earn us the rest of the pregnancy.

    My doc ok’d the sushi, the alcohol in moderation, as she put it “people are going to DRIVE you mad.” She asked, “you’re not downing a 6 pack and mainlining hard drugs? then don’t worry about it.”

    The pregnancy police did come out in force to tell me I was wrong and that by even stepping in a coffee shop, I was fairly killing my baby, and wouldn’t I feel bad if something went wrong?

    It’s that whole pregnant woman is public property thathas made me hesitate trying again. Suddenly people think it’s OK to jam their two cents worth in my face because “she might not know better.”

    Bring on the sushi, I say, and stay out of my way. I’ll have bigger issues to contend with as a recurrent miscarrier. ( however, my doc did say that as an informed patient, she wishes more were like me. Aw..)

    Hope the next few weeks aren’t too rough, and happy hatching vibes. I’m still laughing over the donut and beer pictures. Much better than the introspective misty eyed momma draped in a sheet, cradling the belly pic.

  • http://www.myfunnyfunnyfamily.com Carrie

    I don’t know if it is the hypnosis-for-childbirth tapes I listen to or the hormones (I think the latter) but I always have less anxiety when I am pregnant than in “normal” life. Or maybe I’m just too exhausted to care about anything. EDD 7/8/09.

  • http://turtleseller.blogspot.com Lauren

    Rubbing up against the x-ray machine is for wimps. If you were hardcore at all, you’d be sleeping in an MRI machine, so WHATEVER, Heather. (Sidebar: my anti-spam verification is “his fluttery” which is delightfully irreverent.)

  • Nancy

    I’ve never been pregnant so I’ve only heard of some fish being risky to eat. Whats up with soft cheese, coffee, and lunch meats?

  • Anonymous

    I came off antidepressant medication when I found out I was pregnant. The clarity was incredible. I’m 35 weeks now and I have been so lucky- I really hope I don’t need to go back on to them, but if I do, c’est la vie.

  • http://starwoodgal.wordpress.com Starwoodgal

    Well – I’m not one of those women who ‘enjoy’ pregnancy at all. My first – a girl. I had liver complications with the second and literally allergic to my own body and ended up taking Benedryl daily. By the time the ultrasound rolled around where they could tell the sex of the baby – when the technician showed me the ‘proof’ I was carrying a boy – I had my husband fixed. :) No regrets. Two was enough.

  • http://claudia-fireandice.blogspot.com/ Claudia

    My second pregnancy was much more relaxed than the first one – and I was pretty relaxed first time so I was practically horizontal with relaxation the second time around!

    One thing I did which I am grateful for was exercise – like you, at the gym 3 times a week. And running. Yeah, I got the weird looks and occasional rude comment but so what? I was healthy, the baby was doing fine and exercise kept me sane. This baby has turned out to be a very relaxed baby too and my body seemed to get back into shape much quicker this time. I think this had a lot to do with all the miles I was clocking even when I was nine months pregnant. I did have to bear in mind things like max BPM and stuff but all in all I loved spending time exercising my body and my huge, enormous belly.

    My recovery was better, I felt much, much happier (I had a bad case of baby blues first time around, not a full blown depression but still not pleasant) and I have never felt better. So as long as you feel what you are doing is okay and are being sensible, go for it!

  • http://molassescandy.blogspot.com/ chiarabelle

    More relaxed, or just more exhausted so it looks like I am calm….I’m not sure. I’m 36 weeks with a 2 year old boy, and this time is so much harder! I’m tired! Enough already. Plenty of sympathetic looks from other mothers on the sidewalk, and the occasional comment that “how old is he? oh, that was fast, you didn’t wait long.” and the time a nanny at the playground scolded me for letting my son lick the chain-link fence (yes, gross, but really, will it really hurt him?). Anyway, wishing you all the best!

  • Bria

    I’m so tired of the pregnancy police. I thought that after giving birth to a perfectly healthy baby I would no longer have to answer questions beginning with, “Are you allowed…” But no. As a breastfeeding mother I’ve already been asked, “Are you allowed to eat brie / drink wine / enjoy yourself / etc?” ARG!! The best is when the questions come from someone without kids…especially a man.

  • http://www.chadkelley.blogspot.com Kelley

    Can I just say that I laughed out loud at you and hope and pray that I deal with my future pregnancy (first) as you have done with your second – calm, relaxed, and not freaking out over the amount of mercury that one piece of sushi contains. I heart your blog!

  • http://www.lillyslife.com Lilly

    Sounds like you are in a great place.

    People think its wrong to exercise when you are pregnant? Why do they think it’s some kind of illness, for christ’s sake?

    Gosh, if we were living somewhere else we would be doing back breaking work in the fields for eight hours a day, taking a break to sit under a tree and pop out the baby and then be back at work soon after.

    You are doing it exactly the way you should. And I will guarantee this baby is going to be as placid and calm as you feel now.

    Good luck to you, Jon, Leta and little whatshername. What is her name – I can hardly wait.

    As for subsequent pregnancies? I only had one and she is perfect so I never went back for more (well that is my excuse and she is all grown up now). But I am not the anxious type so I lived my life as I always did until it came to the labor then I turned ferrel and completely was overtaken by demons. I have wiped the memories for good reason. The doctor could have sued me quite frankly. It wasn’t pretty for anyone.

  • Amy

    I think I finished a case of diet soda every other day while pregnant. My children are now 13 and 11 – smart and healthy. Just makes me more grateful I didn’t give up my damn soda!

  • http://colourfulwords.blogspot.com Natalie

    First baby gestated on a steady diet of fruit, vegetables, yoga and pampered pricess glow.

    2nd baby: steady diet of chocolate and running myself ragged after 3 year old.

    Result: 2nd baby happy, easy, considerate enough to be born on due date.

  • Jinx

    My first was an emergency C section, the second a planned C section, I was so out of it after the first, I just wanted to be more conscious and aware the second time.

    I’m so happy you are feeling well, and enjoying the experience Heather!

  • http://believeintheflowers.blogspot.com KAS

    Ugh. I thought I was laid-back with #1 – things have sooo changed.
    Now that I’m in week 33 (ish) I’m realizing how much I’ve changed this time. When I’ve felt bad I haven’t had the option of staying in bed or sitting on the couch, so I’ve been up and about more. I’ve allowed myself caffeine without feeling guilty and have honestly changed little about my eating habits. .. Actually, I’ve changed little about my LIFE. With #1 I found out about the whole lunch meat/listeria concern, and while I didn’t follow it, I certainly did consider it a valid worry. Same with the nitrates and sodium in hot dogs and bacon. Now, when someone brings up the fact that HOLY SHIT THEY’RE PREGNANT AND JUST ATE A HAM SANDWICH WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT IT, or y’know, last weekend at a family barbecue they ate TWO HOT DOGS OH DEAR GOD, I just kind of roll my eyes. Really? THIS is what we’re worrying about? You’re gestating another human being and instead of panicking about affording it, or naming it, or whether or not its older sibling(s) will attempt to kill it, you’re coming on here and bitching about eating a HOT DOG?! For Christ’s sake, I promise there are more important things in life than consuming a hot dog, or a sandwich that happened to have unheated lunch meat.
    I mean, now, there are SO many more interesting things that we can bitch about. Co-sleeping (or not), allowing kids to “cry it out” (or not), vaccinating (or not), circumcision (or why it’s bad) .. The list could go on forever. Extended breastfeeding and extended rear-facing car seats? BRING IT THE HELL ON. But .. Hot dogs? Lunch meat? Whether or not you’ll be able to get the Coach diaper bag or if you’ll have to “settle” for Louis Vuitton (or whatever; that’s about how much I care)? No, I don’t care that you slept on your back aaaaaall last night without any complications or pain whatsoever and no, for the record, I don’t think that it hurt your baby. Yes, I will laugh at you if you come to me telling me that you were told by your DOCTOR that because you do a lot of lifting over your head while pregnant that that’s probably why your baby was born with its cord wrapped around its neck (and yes, it’s fairly common; my son had the same issue, do some damn research).
    The sad thing is that I used to think so much of this was common sense, or was something that any other woman would at least look up before she brought it into a public forum with other pregnant women. And yet I’m realizing just how many women are completely clueless about themselves, their bodies, and how to care for the alien spawn they’re carrying.
    Wow, sorry, that was quite the tangent.

  • Evie

    I definitely feel the same way. This is totally out of my control. I hardly think twice about what I am eating and I really do everything I was doing before I was pregnant.

    I remember just being totally worried about every little thing with my last pregnancy.

    Maybe having to take care of another child plus my husband doesn’t allow me much time to even think about it this time!!

    EDD 9/5/09

  • HeatherE

    Since daughter number 2 is only 2 months old, this topic is still fresh in my memory. I was much more relaxed the second time around while pregnant. Childbirth was shorter and significantly less traumatic this time…and I’m much less depressed post partum. It doesn’t mean it still isn’t really hard and I’m not hugely sleep deprived, I just know that this stage won’t last forever and I will eventually feel normal again soon. Good luck.

  • http://mixednutsblog.wordpress.com Katie

    I’m on my fourth pregnancy right now. It seems like I have different anxieties each time. I still drink my Diet Mt. Dew (after my first pregnancy, I had a lactation consultant tell me that you may as well do it while you’re pregnant if you’re going to while you’re nursing so the baby is already adjusted to the caffeine and it won’t keep it awake). This time around, I still have maintained blue cheese dressing as my favorite condiment. I think this is the first time, though, that I’ve had an irrational fear of soft ice cream.

    I think that I was the most neurotic with my first pregnancy since it was supposed to be an absolute miracle that would never happen again. This one probably comes in second, though. Of course, the fact that it is my first girl and I have already been through a bad car accident, a child with fifths disease, and an abnormal ultrasound during this pregnancy probably hasn’t helped.

  • a Chris

    Haven’t done pregnancy number 2 yet. But just wanted to say that during the one I have been through I was happy to have had lots of exercise (an hour a day of reasonably hard cycling to get to work) right up to the day before she was due. The effect that had was to keep me strong and fit, and my systems regulated. I suspect that anyone who stops exercising in a normal pregnancy for the sake of the baby is doing said baby a disservice.

    If you’re healthy and there are no specific risks, I would argue your gym sessions are to the benefit of you both.

    For background, I was very conservative on most issues that scientists currently think could possibly have a negative impact. I gave up coffee and booze entirely, not because I thought they’d hurt the baby, but so that I could be completely sure that they wouldn’t.

  • http://juliesiphonetoday.blogspot.com/ Julie

    I had this exact same experience as a second time around mom. I did not eat ONE BITE of junk food when I was pregnant with my first daughter. I was terrified of so much during my first pregnancy, and really over-protective and anxious as a first time mom. I also suffered a miscarriage between my two daughters, and I don’t know if it was that, or the experience under my belt, or that I also was medicated during my second pregnancy (wasn’t during my first), but the whole experience was SO MUCH more relaxed. The birth, the infancy, the exhaustion, it all just seemed expected and normal the second time around. This is not to say that I didn’t totally lose my mind when, at seven-months-old, my second daughter had yet to sleep through the night. But I felt much more equipped to deal with the situation and much less guilty about letting her cry it out. And OH, DID I LET HER CRY IT OUT. I read your book, Heather, and loved it. And I hope you have the same kind of experience I did second time around. Much less anxiety and much more laughing and fun and sisterly bonding. (By the way, I didn’t feel too bonded to my second kid right away. But I do 100% now that she’s 2. Don’t worry if it takes a while.) And I hope you have much more of feeling, “Oh, I actually KNOW WHAT TO DO in this situation!!” Imagine!! So glad to hear you’re doing well.

  • Anne

    Heather, thank you for your honesty- again. I think a lot of people can relate to this. We entered our second trimester yesterday, and also received our genetic screen results, and breathed a giant sigh of relief. The calm has set in, and I know it will be here, as it is with you, until close to the end. This is our 7th pregnancy, and will hopefully be our third child. (warning- we planned on 2, agreed to stop at two, but learned that discussing a vasectomy is NOT enough) I appreciate that you are so honest about the fact that your medications could be helping, and want to point out that your continued focus on your total health- mental and physical- is probably helping as well. My husband and I do triathlons, and I was in the middle of a 5 month training plan when I found out I was pregnant this time. I’ve continued as much of the training as possible, even though I got banned from running, and I get strange looks from people who do not exercise, but hear tales from other racers about women who have competed while very pregnant (I’m not that crazy). I did not exercise prior to our first daughter being born, and had a difficult time recovering (emotionally and physically) after her birth. With our second daughter, I had changed my nutrition, and focused on my total health- the result being an easier birth, faster recovery, and an overall better experience (and a lot less cheesecake). I also think mentally the second delivery was easier because I knew what to expect, and even when small things went awry, I could handle it- been there, done that.

    Best wishes to you- and thank you, as always, for your honesty. I hope your husband continues to enjoy the calm, and look forward to reading about your birth and post delivery stories, and how Leta adapts to being a big sister.

  • http://www.nancykingsearch.com nelking

    Went to a college European program reunion three weeks before giving birth to my second son. Drank one imported Austrian Beer out of a bottle in front of 100′s of people.

    That’s how I felt about my second pregnancy!

    (Baby is now 14 years old)

  • Audrey

    Heroin on the weekend, that is why you’re LAZY and don’t post on your website. GET BACK TO WORK.

    I am kidding. Still happy for you and yours on the shiny (gooey) new (needy) baby on the way!

  • Michele P

    I was SO much more relaxed with my second pregnancy, but my ob/gyn sucked the second time. I was living in the UK for work and idiotically didn’t push for private medical. My doc was about 27 and looked like a barbie doll. She told me not to run (stupid!), to not have one single diet coke (c’mon people) and didn’t check my iron levels and i ended up being SO deficient that my US doctor said he couldn’t believe I got out of bed in the morning. I was manic about my diet the first time, like MANIC. With my second pregnancy I ate more chocolate and less fruit, which definitely wasn’t good but I was so, so much more comfortable with the whole thing. And I had to travel constantly for my job, so ended up flying all the way to the last month of my pregnancy with no issues at all.

  • stacy

    I was relaxed about what I “should” and “shouldn’t” do during both pregnancies. I don’t know why, because usually I care too much what people think, but I was able to brush off that societal tongue-clicking really easily. Maybe because the standards are getting so ridiculous that you can’t even take them seriously. And I’m actually really offended by the notion that my ability to carry a baby makes me public property and gives people the right to scrutinize my behavior. Guess it just came down to “Fuck That.”

    But while I felt emotionally stable during my first pregnancy, I was HORRIBLY depressed during my second. Regardless of how much coffee and sushi I consumed, or not. Both pregnancies were very healthy, but baby #2 was born with unexpected health problems. I’m typing this from the hospital, in fact. He should recover well in time, but it’s a long, long process.

    And I can’t help wondering if there is a connection there. That some part of me knew, deep inside, that there was something wrong with this baby. Because I just didn’t have that overwhelming sense of despair when I was pregnant with my first, and very healthy, child.

    Part of me wants to try for a third and see what happens, but I never want to feel as low as I felt during that pregnancy again. Even with a sick newborn in the hospital and a toddler at home, and no family living nearby to help out (a totally overwhelming situation), I still feel heaps better now than I did during the first trimester of #2.

  • http://web.me.com/rolph.blythe/Site/The_Blythe_Life/The_Blythe_Life.html Rebecca

    My youngest is only 8 weeks old, so I’m pretty fresh off the second pregnancy boat. I enjoyed both my pregnancies and feel so incredibly fortunate to have had 2 healthy babies. My first child was conceived via IVF and I think that set the tone of that pregnancy. The whole first trimester was carefully monitored with weekly ultrasounds, and I had a brief scare with some unexplained bleeding at 9 weeks gestation. Despite all that, once I was through the first 12 weeks I sailed along. I kept up my work and gym routine, but ate/drank pretty much by the book. My second pregnancy was the result of a good old fashioned knock-up, and there again that set the tone. I approached the pregnancy with a sense of calm, confidence, and fun. I never really worried that this baby would be anything but perfect. I was a good little mama during the first trimester avoiding all the “dont’s”. But during the last half of the pregnancy I carried on pretty normally. I had a glass of wine here and there, coffee, even an occasional sushi dinner. Prenatal yoga was my workout of choice and all turned out well.

    Good luck with your pending delivery!

  • mbventura

    I didn’t have time in my second pregnancy to worry about “stuff” I was too busy running after a 2 year old….My second child turned out just fine getting left over chicken nuggets, mac and cheese and half eaten apple slices as his only source of in utero nutrition! Cognrats on the future edition…enjoy the chaotic ride~

  • http://kitchenbeard.blogspot.com kitchenbeard

    FWIW… I was skipping around your posts from right before and right after Leta was born. There’s a visible differnce in the way you engage the camera now with your eyes. You may not only feel more relaxed, but you LOOK more relaxed. Enjoy!

  • ma2one

    Ahh Hormones!

    If you keep up with this easy feeling I know that breastfeeding be easy for you this time, you’re so much wiser because of your past experiences.

    You’re going to fly and do great! And wait until Prolactin hits you from breastfeeding, and keeps you feeling chill.

    Good luck and have a great birth.

  • Ann Johnson

    People really think you’re not supposed to work out? http://health.usnews.com/articles/health/2007/11/06/marathon-winner-ran-throughout-her-pregnancy-should-you.html

    I couldn’t find a link to the picture in Runner’s Magazine – the one of Paula, eight months pregnant, totally passing a really angry looking guy in a race.

    Pregnancies are like weddings, no one is ever happy with what you choose to do for your own. Ever.

  • http://jennyjsjournal.blogspot.com jenny

    How did I feel during my second pregancy? Large.

    But I do tend to agree, much more relaxed.

    Until I went into labor and had a full blown panic attack because that pain? that they say you forget? And you do? Well, the remembering wasn’t one of my finer moments. There was no screaming or trying to escape from the hospital or anything. Just the scary realization that I had been so far in denial about the actual HAVING of the baby and holy SHIT this hurts. And it’s going to hurt more.

    Perfect story for a woman about to have a baby.

  • http://truebeautyinsideandout.blogspot.com R. Wallis

    I have no advice because I am only the mommy to a half Dachshund/half Jack Russell terrier, and thank God I didn’t give birth to this bearded lady! However, I am just overjoyed to experience all that goes with pregnancy: nausea, kankles, expanding waist line, random people wanting to touch me, strangers telling me what to do…..you know all of that fun stuff!

  • Katie

    I was so much more relaxed during my second pregnancy and even the labor and delivery. It had that “been there, done that” attitude, so I enjoyed it without being nervous. Also, it was so much easier at home with the baby. Everything came right back and I knew to appreciate the time with my daughter because I realized how quickly it flew by with my son. Good luck and best wishes, Heather! Everything is better the second time around!

  • Kelly

    My first was a surprise and since my husband was COMPLETELY against having a child, I was not prepared and terrified. (the minute the stripe turned magenta my husband was all smiles and hugs and twinkly I was FREAKED OUT). With the first, I was not ready to be a mother and was mad that it was “thrust” upon me. I didn’t enjoy my pregancy, was sick for 5 months, didn’t buy any cute maternity clothes and moaned and complained the whole nine months. My sister was pregant at the same time and had complications. It was as if she was trying to have a harder pregancy than me. It was pathetic how we “competed” with our morning sickness. I am embarassed of my behaviour. The minute my son was born, I realized that he was not “just mine” any more. I used to sing to the radio at the top of my lungs in the car and he used to jump up and down in my belly to “dance along”. Once he was out of me I realized that there would be no more just him and me time and I was so mad that I took that for granted.
    So with my second, I was determined to enjoy every minute of my pregnancy. I bought cute maternity clothes, ate well to curb the nausea, excercised, did everything that I “should” have done with my first. I enjoyed my second pregnancy SO MUCH MORE. A plus: since I excercised with the second, my recovery was like nothing! (I could hardly walk after my first)
    My boys are 4 years apart, and I found that many things had changed with breastfeeding, availability of cute things, etc. so it was like starting over. Plus there were many things that I had to re-learn, like changing a diaper, believe it or not.

  • kelly

    My second was an easy delivery, though I had 6 months of “all day” sickness. My first was 10 pounds and the second was only 9lb 6oz and it is unbelieveable that such a small difference makes such a big difference.

  • Talon

    Panicked. Completely panicked.

    But that’s because my son died four days after he was born from a heart defect that no one caught. Seriously. We took him home and everything. Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. They have surgeries and transplants, but it wouldn’t have helped Rhys any if they had known. He had a very severe case, so severe that the doctors who saw the autopsy report (and yeah, I have a copy) were amazed he lived as long as he did. With no symptoms. None.

    So, strike 1.

    The following year, after a year and a half of trying to get pregnant I have a miscarriage that requires a D&C because the little bit of placenta attached to the empty sac was causing me to remain “pregnant.”

    Strike 2.

    So my final pregnancy, which ended with my daughter Ripley who is nine now, was filled with utter panic and fear. Ironically I was more afraid of miscarrying again, because after Rhys, it suddenly became hard for me to get pregnant. With him, I stopped the pill, and two days later was pregnant. With both the miscarriage and Ripley, I had to take fertility meds, because turns out I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and even though losing weight would have helped me get pregnant faster, my doctor was understanding, because that whole practice was just…stunned when Rhys died. And I couldn’t lose the weight anyway.

    I had thirteen ultrasounds, from five weeks up with Ripley; including a specialized one at 22 weeks to play, “Let’s all count the heart chambers, shall we?” My other personal favorite ultrasound game was, “My baby DOES have a brain, right? Please? Yes, I know I saw it last week, but show me again, please? Cause in these pictures it looks like she doesn’t have a brain.”

    Aside from that, I really didn’t DO anything different with the second successful pregnancy than I did with the first. But I also didn’t have that feeling of incredible competence that Rhys had given me when they gave him to me. When I had him, I just felt…so right. I knew this child, I knew how to take care of him, what he needed, I didn’t feel overwhelmed or scared. I felt just…calm and competent. Never before, and never since have I felt that so strongly.

    So there you have it.

  • Kirsten

    I felt so much better with my second and third pregnancies, I miscarried after my first child as well.

    With my second and third I just knew what to expect better, knew better how I hoped things would go, but also knew I had such little control over all of it. Knowing that last part really freed me to enjoy the journey more.

    In the years since I’ve learned the really hard stuff comes so much later, pregnancy looks almost easy now:)

  • http://shriekhouse.wordpress.com shriek house

    I was much more relaxed with my 2nd also, particularly about diet. I also gained twice the weight I had with my first, and even though I didn’t have gestational diabetes people were strangely empowered enough to keep ASKING me if I had it, because I was so suddenly fat. Because, you know, there’s no such thing as a rude or too-personal question when asked of a knocked-up lady. (When I had to take my wedding band off before it cut off my finger’s blood supply, I even had someone cattily ask, “single mom, hey?” not that I think that’s a problem, but clearly this person did.) Lucky for me my serenity hormones kicked in HARD and nothing bothered me, even the delivery of my ginormous baby who ripped up my down yonder pretty thoroughly.

  • http://www.peachyhollow.com Nin

    This is my first pregnancy, and I’m currently 38.5 weeks. In all honesty, I’ve been totally relaxed about the whole thing and not at all obsessing about any of it. Throughout the pregnancy I have drunk caffeine, had the occasional sip of wine, eaten blue cheese, heck even had sushi. I also only took prenatal vitamins about 3 times as my body didn’t like them and I didn’t feel right about taking them. Even ran this by my OB as everyone yelled at me and she said it was fine. Oh yeah, I clean the cat litter too- hello people who tell me not to, read the facts on this!! There is a LOT of misinformation out there and it all depends on the lifestyle of the cat, and you’re far more likely to catch toxoplasmosis from an undercooked burger. Does this make me a bad mother? No. All my choices have been informed and they are what works for me and my pregnancy. I’m more of the happy mother=happy baby camp so that’s where I choose to prioritise my energies.

    I’ve been ‘spoken to’ by random strangers on the street for drinking coffee, and carrying things, and one time just last week I got reprimanded by someone else for running through my garden. Gah. So annoying. Different strokes for different folks people, just as all babies are different, all pregnancies are too.

  • Theresa

    For my first pregnancy the only thing I would not eat is sushi, which was kind of stupid when you consider that I was addicted to raw cookie dough and made it so often that I memorized the recipe. (Chocolate Chip.) Raw eggs=ok, but raw fish and vegetables=not ok? Who says pregnant women are rational?

  • E

    So glad everything is going well for you. I look forward to reading about your two beautiful daughters, and of course, you making fun of them!

    My first pregnancy: I had a healthy full-term baby boy and went into labor at 39 weeks naturally. But my son had a knot in his cord and had died apparently just hours before I went into labor. He was 7lbs, 13oz, 21 inches, beautiful, and stillborn.

    I am not brave enough to try a subsequent pregnancy. I still really miss my son. He should be 8 months and 2 weeks old.

    The knot tightened after I ran across the street in a rain storm, so I definitely won’t be running if I’m pregnant again but I totally understand that is not a problem for most pregnancies.

    And I am glad that you have peace with this pregnancy and are enjoying the little girl inside of you. Take care!

  • http://www.hoppytoddle.blogspot.com hoppytoddle

    I’ve switched to making 1/2 caff, but I still drink 2 cups. I do get kind-of iffy about the lunchmeat, though, & I do microwave it, which makes it kind-of gross & unappetizing. I think it’s because I got a nasty case of the flu @ lie 8 weeks pregnant & don’t want to be throwing up like that again for awhile. Am little more diligent about getting sleep, not eating too much salt, but I am not as freaked about every little thing. I am on antibiotics right now & did have to call the midwife about which cough syrup last night, but it turned out to be a good thing that I did.

    Thanks for the ending with the heroin & such. Needed that laugh, although my stomach muscles are killing me from holding them in when I cough so I don’t pee. Does that count as exercise?

  • KellyT

    I’m glad to hear things are going so well this time around. :) Here’s hoping you have a great labor & delivery as well!

    My morning sickness lasted much longer with baby #2, but at least the puking was less. I just felt like I was going to hurl more. LOL

    I was also much more tired since I already had one kiddo to chase after, but I imagine you know exactly what I’m talking about. My second pregnancy was much kinder to me with regards to weight gain and water retention. I actually gained the exact same amount, but for whatever reason I carried it better the second time around. And I kept my ankles, THANK GOD.

    I was just happy I didn’t have a Moon Face with #2. It got bad towards the end of my first pregnancy. :)

    I will give you a head’s up and say be careful about feeling so good AFTER the baby arrives. I had a great delivery experience and felt awesome when I got home. So I was up and about doing everything I wanted to do…until my blood pressure went through the roof and my pulse rate dropped. My body had a hard time adjusting to not being pregnant anymore, so my doctor put me on bedrest. AFTER I had the baby. LOL Just make sure you still take it easy those first couple of weeks even if you feel great. :D

    Can’t wait to see the wee one!