• http://advicefromasinglegirl.blogspot.com/ Victoria

    Happy 26th birthday! Er…. ;)

    Happy Birthday Heather!

  • http://tinyapple.wordpress.com katie

    fucking AWESOME. all of it.

    congrats on being 26 and 34!!

  • Anony-mouse

    Can I just tell you that your being number 26th on this list makes me more happy than is reasonable considering you are technically a stranger to me? I feel vindicated in loving you so much by you getting this recognition!

    I am SO tired of these assholes who blog and are CONSTANTLY congratulating themselves on being blogluxe’s doosh bag of the year or mommydumbfuck’s most hialrious blog. THEY ACTUALLY BEG THEIR READERS FOR VOTES AND ENTICE THEM WITH GIVEAWAYS. Their blogs are horseshit and their posts are forced attemps at hilarity and irony that I’m convinced are mostly made up or at least the sarcasm is so poorly done that you think the idiot is making it up. I know I shouldn’t be reading their blogs, but I’ve had friends who recommended them to me and now that I’ve read the shit they post I can’t stop checking to see how bad it gets and how long it’ll go on. This is the truth, one such asswipe recently wrote that she is a “literary blogger” not one of thos “mommy bloggers” because she is a “professional.”

    Now on to the ass kissing part – if you even read this far in my rant. :0) Your writing is amazing; it is a perfect blend of sarcasm and truth and heart that makes every post a freaking unbelievable joy to read. I have laughed out loud at your posts and I have cried my eyes out at your posts. I have re-read some 10-15 times because some of them are truly beautiful. I am not even kidding, that is the truth. And I recently went back on anti-depressants (this is me, feeling better, scary right) because of what you’ve written about your stuggles.

    In closing, will you please make a stupid ass bright pink BUTTON for your sidebar declaring your numberhood? Make it flash and beep and morph into a photo of you in your milk stained shirt. Please?

  • http://firstclasspanda.blogspot.com Laura

    That is very amazing, I’m sure Chuck is impressed. Congratulations Heather

  • Robyn

    Congratulations on being #26! And Happy Birthday too! I look forward to reading your blog daily…you always make me laugh out loud!

  • Brooke

    Dude, that was as fucked up as a football bat!! You will seriously never forget this birthday. Hope the rest of your special day was awesome, and congratulations number 26!!!

  • Cris


    Also, keep going out in your panties and stained t-shirts. Keep going on making it real. One day you’ll show up like that on the Cover of InStyle and everybody will realize what we already know: you are beyond being just like us. You are truly our essence.

    Even if I personally don’t have husband, kids, dogs.

  • http://eleanorstrousers.wordpress.com Eleanor’s Trousers

    Happy 26! And 34! And oh my god, I am so old… I am 32 with no dogs, no husband, no babies, no house, and no Forbes magazine honorific. I will be drinking bourbon in honor of your birthday and this sudden, mortifying, public display of self-pity.

  • avis

    Hurray! And Happy Birthday. You rock!

  • Anonymous

    Totally fantastic. Love it, love it. Gotta agree with someone who posted about a movie, because you seriously need to get out a screenplay–in between nursings, obviously. Give the masses a version of motherhood other than the hallmark one. Would do us women a world of good.

    I’ve only been stalking your site in the recent months & I wish I had really taken in all the ‘crazy dog’ writing. But, no, we brought home a puppy a few weeks ago who, instead of fearing water, thinks his water bowl is a swimming pool with dog treats buried in there somewhere. Interesting quirk.

    Congrats on the ‘Forbes thing’ and the bday!

  • http://itsybitsymama.wordpress.com courtney

    Funniest post I’ve read, yet. Tears in the eyes and trying to keep the giggles down at work.

    Congrats, #26.

  • http://dearshobha.wordpress.com Julie

    I turned 34 on Saturday. Happy birthday to you!

  • http://idablue.com/blogg Ida

    We love you!

  • Eric Penne

    If that was my wife chasing the dog in the yard like that, I still would’ve been saying, “Damn, that #26 is sexy.”

  • http://www.sarcastica.org Sarcastica

    First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

    Second, I died laughing at this post lmao. You definitely are number twenty-six!

  • Anna b.


  • Anonymous

    Yay on #26, and I’m SOOOOOOO happy you beat Maria Bartiromo!

  • http://theatricalmilestones.blogspot.com Charlotte

    Wow–congrats! Did the Avon World Sales Leader raise her forefinger admonishingly and say “Next year, it’ll be number 19?” That’s how I imagine her.

    As to the Jackson-Pollock-piss-art on your walls: You could sell that to the Utah Museum of Art as a poop-and-performance installation; you know, like the famous chair with grease on it. For that, you’d have to encourage Coco to expel a little more of her bodily, ahem, “juices.” Or include her in the exhibit. Because, after all, you’re number twenty-six.

  • Jenny

    That post just made my day . . .my husband thinks I’m crazy because I’m sitting here laughing to myself like a maniac. Every time I think I’m having a bad day, I will come back to this post again just to have a good laugh. Congrats on being #26, you deserve it!!!

  • http://thedalaimama.net The Dalai Mama

    Congrats–#26. Happy Birthday and at least you weren’t showing your bare ass this time in the freezing cold. Coco certainly makes me appreciate my dogs more and more each day.

    Thank you so much for the laugh.

  • http://www.joypeters.com joy

    congrats on 26! and 34 and everything else.

    can’t wait to read the birth story part dooce.

  • alayna

    wow Heather, congrats!!! very cool.

  • Gabrielle

    I was secretly delighted by the fact that you outranked Soledad on the list. Although now I’m wondering whether you’ve recruiting your own retinue of “dancing leprechauns and fairies.” (Which won’t surprise me, personally. However, if I ever found out that you’d stopped taking shits, I might question whether the earth was about to fall off its axis. The idea of an Armstrong household devoid of bodily functions just doesn’t seem right.)

  • Lauren

    Heather, congratulations. And that sucks – all at the same time. And I know, because I spent a good part of my last birthday cleaning human poo stains out of the carpet (they were the work of my toddler).

  • Beth

    Congratulations! OF COURSE you’re on that list! You’re on my own personal list of top ten influencers. Thanks to you I embrace and flaunt my own brand of crazy- with massive pride!

  • Christine Randle

    truly hilarious!!

  • http://35andsingle.wordpress.com/ 35 and single

    lol bloody awesome.. after that you should be at 25 at least..

    Happy birthday!

    PS one of my recaptcha validation words is “bitchier”

  • Nicole

    This post is exactly why I read your blog!!

    Happy Birthday, and Congrats on 26!! You absolutely deserve it!

  • http://subpolka.livejournal.com Rachel D.

    Holy crap…that’s incredible.
    Congratulations, Twenty-Six!

  • http://www.lifeloveandlevi.blogspot.com KJ

    I can’t f’ing believe that Oprah beat you out for the #1! Seriously…she has nothing on Dooce! Congrats and Happy Birthday.

  • Dionne

    Congrats Number 26!! Nothing like real life to keep you grounded! :)

  • Anonymous

    You’re number one in my book. My co-worker (who is pregnant) and myself (mother of 10 month old) LOVE to read your blog and just read and laugh together. We look forward to you more than any of the names before you. Thank you!

  • bonnie

    a fucking hilarious post. go #26!

  • keagansmom

    I laughed till tears were streaming down my face! Seriously, you couldn’t make this shit up if you tried.

    Happy Belated Birthday!

    PS: Your new family member is exceptionally lovely.


  • Michelle

    Happy Birthday and go 26! You rock!

  • Mander

    It was the best of birthdays, it was the worst of birthdays.”

    So wonderful to see that you can keep your sense of humor about things happening unexpectedly.

    (PS: fark.com has a filter in place specifically to avoid the “OMG I’m first post!” routine. It might be worth looking into so that folks stay focused on the task at hand.)

  • Mrs. Q.

    Few people can understand why my husband and I don’t want a dog. I’m going to print this out and hand it to whomever asks why.

    Congrats on 26! And that beautiful baby? Are you photoshopping her eyes? They can’t really be that blue, can they?

  • kat

    the last paragraph is hilarious! oh my god!

  • http://lesjoujou.blogspot.com Stephanie

    Damn, that is amazing! Congrats! And Coco should be proud she has number 26 to chase her around with a hose. That was hilarious.

  • http://longawaypix.com jenniferL

    whoa! twenty six is awesome! congratulations. this birthday story made me laugh… sorry you had to deal with the piss dog but the visual is hilarious. happy birthday!

  • http://spendingourdays.blogspot.com Carlotta

    That was awesome; #26 + birthday + hilarious post. I totally enjoy your blog. Just discovered it so I’m way behind everyone else. My only regret is that your previous masthead wasn’t still up for all for Forbes folks. Dang, that one was priceless.

  • marsha marsha marsha

    holy crap, i just realized i’m old enough to be your mother

  • http://www.waitinthevan.blogspot.com Kristine

    That was an awesome story :)

  • Chris A.

    Congratulations! That’s fantastic and so deserved because you keep it real, woman!

    Hope your birthday improved after the episode with Coco – I can so relate!

  • Erica

    Hilarious! Hope the day only got better from there. Would love to have been looking over the fence at the circus going on in your yard.

  • http://blessourhearts.blogspot.com Ms. Moon

    And this post demonstrates quite admirably why you are twenty six. And I say that with much admiration.

  • http://teaworthy.blogspot.com teaworthy

    26 kinds of perfect, that essay.
    Happy Birthday.

  • RJ

    Congrats No 26 (and please say Ann Coulter wasn’t on the list) and Happy Birthday. I needed that blog – hormonal/pregnancy tears all morning and now smiles :) Thankyou!

  • mamamare

    That’s just so freaking awesome. Congratulations!

  • Tami

    You are #26 and fabulous. that was great!