• motheroffive

    Congratulations on your Forbes list placement! Vis a vis the flying squirrel and Coco- we had an Australian shepherd (regular size) that would catch a frisbee until her mouth bled, and still want to keep on catching. She lived to be 17 1/2. So you have a lot to look forward to.

  • Kristina

    Happy Birthday Twenty-Six!

    And not to be picky but being from the general vicinity of that great waterfall I should mention that it’s spelled Niagara Falls. :) If you haven’t already you should come see them. They are gorgeous!

  • Molly

    HAAHahahahahahahahahahahah ahahaha ahahahahaha haHAHAHA h a ahahdslkfaksjd dj ;lkc!!!!. . Ahem.

  • http://airchick.blogspot.com/ sybann

    And that post right there is one of the many reasons you deserve it Twenty Six!

    GO Heather!

  • Allison

    OMG the grunting! I have a 9 week old night grunter/growler too! It makes me insane. I will take grunting over crying any damn day though.

    Happy birthday and congrats on 26. Well-deserved!

  • Luisa F. Toledo

    Happy B-Day, Congratulations and Yuck!, all at the same time… At least it´s a birthday you will never forget.
    If you want those years of your life back, get rid of the dog and get a cat instead. ;)

  • Karen

    26 – because you make the rest of us feel better about ourselves when we have days just like this. And it happens to me more often than I can count!

  • http://www.diapermonologues.com/ mrs.notouching

    Wow! What a month! What a year! Congratulations!!!

  • Annie

    I love you! You crack me up. Your humility and raw sense of humor are just wonderful. I look forward to each post with such glee. Thanks, Heather, and congrats!

  • Anonymous

    i am crying i am laughing so hard as i read your blog and countdown til 5 pm and home to my 12 week old. i am relating to so many things here it’s absurd. happy birthday 26!

  • http://www.inbetweentheparenthesis.blogspot.com/ Michele

    As the mom of two small girls and the occasionally psychotic parent of two dogs that pee on everything and then poop in front of the roomba so it will drive the poop all over the floor I say, “Here’s to you 26!!”

  • SLC Gal

    Sprayed my laptop screen with lukewarm tea. Thanks, Heather. Oh, and Happy Birthday!

    P.S. Had to type “refill unstintingly” to make this comment, so off to the dictionary to look up “unstintingly” and get edumacated.

  • Darciek

    This entire post is hilarious. Good job. Congratulations!

  • http://csquaredplus3.typepad.com Chris

    Congratulations! Happy Birthday too. You make this Utah gal proud! [not really from Utah, just living here] Next year you’ll give Oprah some stiff competition. :-)

  • http://cribceiling.blogspot.com Kristin aka Krisco

    Congratulations! That is great! And happy birthday, too!

  • Shannon Lee Smith

    You have helped many people by sharing your life stories! That makes you influential! You make people laugh, cry, angry and pee their pants! That makes you influential! So CONGRATS #26 and THANK YOU for living your life your own way!

    Leave it to Coco to keep you humble! :D

  • Catherine BT

    I love you. You are so DAMN funny. Congrats #26!!

  • Anonymous

    In your face haters! #26 just confirmed what we have ALWAYS known.

    Congratulations on Marlo and #26, oh, and happy birthday, Heather!

  • http://www.thefunmommies.com Kristen

    Congratulations on your well-deserved place on the list.

    Glad to see that you are getting so much respect from those who matter :)

  • Ashley

    Oh dear lord, I love this blog.
    I just laughed out loud for a good two minutes in my living room.

    Happy Birthday Heather!

  • Sonnet

    You have bested the Money Honey.

    Does this make you the Meltdown Honey?

  • Anonymous

    I couldn’t find any mention of you on the site. What a convoluted piece of crap Forbes.com is! No idea how you found it buried in there.

    But congratulations.

  • http://bellcurveblog.wordpress.com heather

    hilarious. go 26!

  • http://laurelrants.blogspot.com/ Laurel

    Twenty-six IS impressive, but my novel is ranked 230,547 on Amazon.com. Granted, yours is at 4,358 and a NYT bestseller, but I’ll take my rankings where I can get them!

  • Lucy

    This is one of the funniest posts I’ve read on this site.
    Congrats Heather, and Happy Birthday!

  • Kelly

    Happy Birthday! Yesterday was my birthday too- I turned 29- no really for real, I was born in 1980. I also share this birthday with my mother-in-law and trust me, I’m much happier to share it with you!

  • http://whatwashisname.blogspot.com Erica

    Do you actually read every single comment?

  • http://bicycleirish.blogspot.com Angela

    Congratulations and happy birthday!! I don’t think there are chunks of flourescent poo in Good Housekeeping, but there should be.

  • http://pleasemomdontsing.blogspot.com Beth

    Congrats! #26!!!! I love your posts.

  • Emma Leigh

    SWEET NEWS!!! Congrats to you !

  • http://eusmaca.wordpress.com/ Monica

    “the other hand pointing proudly to the giant milk stain underneath my left boob, and yelled, “Twenty-six, bitches!”

    That is right… Twenty-six!

    Congratulations (and all of the above) and let me tell you I have not laughed this hard in a long time.. because the mental picture – PRICELESS!

  • Angie

    I’m sitting here eating Wendy’s REALLY hot “bold buffalo” wings and my mouth is ON FIRE but I can’t take a drink of my tea because every time I try to I imagine the moment when Jon put her down and as I was reading it I actually said, “Oh dear God NOOOOOO!” because, well, I’ve owned dogs and I know she’s going to “do the shake” … and your description of it puts me in hysterics. OK, so, I can get past those but then there’s “Twenty-six, bitches!” and, I swear, I die, too. Only mine is from choking on INSANELY WAY TOO HOT TO HAVE COME FROM A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT BONELESS WINGS while imagining you hosing a dog and pointing at your milk-stained t-shirt.

    Yeah … I’d say you got robbed at only getting 26. It should’ve been Oprah, Barbara, Heather …

  • http://www.rachaelrossman.com Rachael Rossman

    Congratulations! I can verify from personal experience that you are most influential. When you posted my painting of Chuck, my web traffic went from 20 to 5,000/day; I received emails from lots of friendly people and sold a bunch of paintings. (Thanks again, by the way!)

    Conversely, when a painting of mine appeared on another Influential Woman’s site, all I got were a couple messages from people emailing IN THEIR DOG’S VOICE.


  • Polly

    Dear Heather,

    Disheveled woman chases piss covered dog while congratulating self loudly to the skies: a funny story in itself. But in your hands, it’s absolutely charming and joyful. My dad used to warn my little sister “You can’t get through life on just cute, y’know!” He was bluffing–she could have, but instead she developed many other wonderful qualities and skills as she grew up. I bet you could have gotten through life on just charm, but we’ll never know, since you are talented in so many ways.

  • http://stacyandjordan.blogspot.com/ stacy

    ok, congrats on 26. funny oprah is 1 cuz that is where I was introduced to you/dooce. question though, your pics always look so clear and virbrant, what kind of camera do you have so you may “influence” me to get it.

  • http://cribceiling.blogspot.com Kristin aka Krisco

    I love it that you beat 4 others! You not only made the list, you made it INTO the list. That’s pretty dang good. I will take credit as being one of your 300,000 hits a month. Without us, what would you do? : )

  • http://scrappinjenny.blogspot.com Jennifer

    I don’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. And I mean that.

    Congrats on making the list…although I must say, after that story, I think you deserve to be much higher than 26.

  • Stephanie Melton

    That is awesome, congratulations! There were lots of women I have never heard of above you, so I am either totally out of it, or you will easily crack the top 10 next year! Seriously, what you do is so important to so, so many – this is a very much-deserved honor. Happy birthday, and sorry about the dog pee thing. Gag. As the mom of an 8 week old, and 2 very bad dogs, I feel your pain all too well…

  • http://simplyblissful.blogspot.com tracy

    I heart you! Seriously, your story telling abilities are the BEST.

    I totally look in Ellis’ diapers to check out its contents, too. What is that? A hunk of soy bean? A raisin? And my favorite: WHAT DID YOUR GRANDMOTHER FEED YOU TODAY?

    Congratulations #26!

  • http://www.royalbaconsociety.com Marianne

    God damn, woman, you are funny.

  • Kristen

    I saw that you made the list, and realized that as weird as it is, you ARE influential. People relate to you and you feel like our friend, and there are so many readers, it’s amazing.
    And then I remembered your recent post about how you changed your mind about how you wanted to birth. I just want to say, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU, you are my hero. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if there are hundreds of pregnant women who read your site and are now pondering if they should learn a bit more, too. You rock.

  • http://tropicalsoup.typepad.com Jolie

    happy belated birthday! And congrats on the fab news! (the 26 bit. The dog pee, not so much. Then again, my 3yo twins and I have been perfecting projectile vomit techniques the last day or so, so leaking milk, handling pee and playing with hoses sounds fun right now!)
    Congrats again – well deserved!
    signed humbly, # eleventy billion and four.

  • http://casadekaloi.blogspot.com Stephanie


    And that counts as sleeping through the night? I’m not being bitchy, but everyone kept telling me that our baby had to go 5-6 hours without waking up to eat, so I’ve been bummed, but he regularly wakes up to eat and immediately falls back asleep…he usually even nurses while sleeping. Awesome!

  • http://heisnowhere.blogspot.com Rottenrott

    Good for you. I think that you are a good candidate- just look at your income woman!

    Can’t wait to hear more from you.

  • Dan

    Congratulations! What a birthday gift!

  • http://casadekaloi.blogspot.com Stephanie

    Oh! and Happy Birthday!

  • http://www.hoppytoddle.blogspot.com hoppytoddle

    Yep. Dad & Coco conspiring together to keep you humble.

    You’re giving me hope that I can pull off this whole #2 thing & not completely lose it, BTW. Thanks for that. Looking forward to hearing the rest of the birth story.

  • kranky reader

    Marvelous piece of writing!

  • http://www.smyliesforever.blogspot.com Sarie


    Yep.. still laughing..


  • http://rainydaychocolate.blogspot.com/ Aimee

    Oh thank god for this post – laughter was exactly what I needed right now! Happy birthday and CONGRATS on being #26 (YAY!) See how much you rock?!
    Sorry about the Coco pee fountain…