• Kristine

    Humpty Dumpty has just replaced Fancy as my favorite kind of pants.

  • Kay

    “YOU’RE A FUCKING OCTOPUS! WHY AREN’T YOU SWIMMING?!” Does it get any better than that? Quite hilarious, my internet friends.

  • http://sundancemoods.com/blog Rena

    What a cake! Love it :) Happy Birthday!

  • Kristen

    My kids always look confused during Oswald. I’m just grateful it’s not Oobi.

  • Lisa

    Happy birthday, Jon, but, wow, does that cake belong on Cake Wrecks.

  • Diana

    Not only is Oswald annoying, but that voice. I thought it was
    Squiggy from Lavern & Shirley, but it turns out that it is Fred Savage from The Wonder Years.

  • Del

    Steamed broccoli and shrimp cooked in a little bit of garlic butter. Throw some salt & pepper on it. Fantastic. 1 cup of each is about 300 calories. Seriously.

  • Diana

    More dumb info, David Lander played Squiggy on the sitcom Laverne and Shirley. On Oswald, he lends his voice to Henry, a particular penguin who is Oswald’s best friend.

  • Sydney

    Happy Birthday Jon.
    I must add that i always loved Oswald my younger brother both watched it as children and it made me laugh. Everyone in the show is so calm and quite all the time, my mom was always wanted to know what they were taking.

  • http://brilliantsulk.blogspot.com/ A

    I cannot imagine a more perfect couple of days…

    A child who will actually eat beans (my kid is on the ketchup diet), a farting baby, being forced to watch Oswald, and birthday cake.

    You are one lucky motherfucker.

  • http://adriennejackson.blogspot.com adrienne

    our daughter was the noisiest sleeper ever! we started her in our room sleeping, but it wasn’t long until she was down the hall without a monitor because she slept like a drunk… gurggling and snoring all night.

    happy bday jon.

  • doobrah

    You must now sit in the corner for writing something so funny I almost choked to death trying to stifle at work.

  • nes

    I’m a loyal 5-year reader and fan, Heather, and honestly have never before been offended by anything you’ve said and am usually laughing right along, but your use of the word “rape” here disturbs me. It’s an extremely powerful word, and I don’t think it should be used flippantly for any analogies whatsoever, and especially not to evoke a laugh.

    Perhaps this is related to a recent high-profile rape/murder in my hometown that has been described in uncomfortable detail. Perhaps it is because my partner is a rape survivor. These things undoubtedly make me more sensitive. All the same, I wanted to respectfully voice my perspective.

  • Liz

    I love it that the penguin on Oswald is Squiggy from LaVerne and Shirley.

  • http://www.savanahuh.blospot.com Savanah

    Happy Birthday Jon, and many condolences to your spark-firing baby! :)

    Love ya, Heather.

    And god do I want to cook that Oswald.

  • http://wackymummy.blogspot.com WackyMummy

    Love the way you phrase things. Good laughs. =)

    I’m your newest stalker and am currently reading through your archives, so nothing gets done at my house now at all.

    Question: do you actually read all your comments? I can’t even imagine! The hundreds! And I’m adding to it! Yeesh! I gotta go eat beans now. Yum.

  • http://memyselfandmommy.com/ Renee

    Doesn’t children’s television drive you completely batty? Spongebob and I have major issues, along with a few others that I wish my daughter was not obsessed with. I wish I could be that mom that doesn’t allow her kids to watch TV, but if that is the only way dinner gets made then so be it!

  • Trish

    Oh, Oswald! My kids outgrew Oswald a long time ago, but Hubs still quotes it all the time. He likes to sing the “Big Banana” song every time he hands the kids a banana for breakfast. Of course, they are appropriately embarrassed and horrified; mission accomplished.

    While I love that Squiggy does his voice, that penguin made me want to squash him every episode. The one in which Henry won’t get his stupid feather cut was the last straw. I found myself screaming “Oh for the Christ’s sake, just cut the damn thing OFF, you pansy!” at the screen and I knew Oswald needed to go. Oh, and OOBI was just plain effed up.

    Trish

  • http://leftherwits.blogspot.com/ Aly

    Happy Birthday, Jon!

  • http://www.bunnybites.wordpress.com Marisa

    No hostess donette’s in 7 weeks? Please tell me you’re kidding!

  • http://chrisnicoll.net a Chris

    Heehee. I just went through the same thing with the clothes. I had one pair of pants left (jeans I purchased around month 5), plus maternity pants. Breastfeeding did not, contrary to what I was led to believe, help me drop the extra 10. :( It was only six months later when I went back to work and had to ride my bike half an hour twice a day that things started to happen.

    Your comments form is so Drupaly. :)

    Happy Birthday, Jon.

  • http://www.heatherlibermanphotography.com heather

    THAT is hysterical!!! LOL!

  • http://marriageconfessions.com Chris

    I feel ya! Damn sleepless nights… I mean… babies are great! (big fake smile)

    Happy Birthday!

  • http://www.absentmindedhousewife.com/ Becky..Absent Minded Housewife

    My oldest child was five months old when my grandmother passed away. It wasn’t an especially sad funeral. Grandma had been ill for a long time and most everyone was relieved to see her out of her pain.

    So, when my baby was blowing raspberries all through the services, no one seemed to mind. And when my baby followed up raspberries by farting loud enough for it to echo through the chapel, everyone felt free to laugh until there were tears.

    There is no celebration of life like passing wind. Happy Birthday to Jon.

  • SAJ

    o.m.g. are there only 39 candles!!?!?!??!!!

  • Charl

    If Oswald got on your nerves, I wonder how you took shit like … Crash. Awful, migrane-y film.

    I, for one, have successfully repressed all memory of it, save for that of gnashing my teeth in anguish at the cinema.

  • http://vocabularyvixen.wordpress.com/ Rachel

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JON!!!!!

    Now that was funny. You, my dear, have much literary prowess to behold. Hopefully one day I will possess that much word power!

  • Steph W

    Bad ass birthday cake! Happy b-day Jon!

    Side note: I am so PISSED I missed the comments for your assistant’s story, amazing and congrats to her, got a little choked up about the part when you came home and said that to Jon cause I can just imagine how rollercoastery your emotions were after all that. Anyway congrats to your assistant on that adorable little girl and facing that amazing task of a labor with no drugs that lasted more than 10 minutes (all I could take cause my pain tolerance is shit)

  • http://www.g8rlane.blogspot.com Colista

    Happy Birthday Jon!
    That has to be the smallest/cutest cake ever!!!

  • Starr

    Oh, my, beans and cheese! I could not eat raw onions while I was nursing or it was the same story.
    Did you have anything that made you gassy during pregnancy? For me it was Kashi Go Lean! cereal. I bought it thinking, “Hey! This has fiber. It will help me poop!” Whatever. I had gas so bad, my 3 ms. pregnant belly looked six months, and I could totally fool people with “The baby is moving!” and when they would feel my belly and be all excited, “Haha! Just kidding. It was gas!” My husband called it the colon blaster cereal. It made me fart in my sleep for crying out loud!

    Then. Oh, yes, then. About a year and a half later my husband picks up a gigantic box of this cereal at Sam’s Club. “That cereal!” I scream.
    “What about it?” He asks.
    “Do you not remember the nickname you gave that cereal?!”
    “Ooooh, I forgot.”
    Sure enough the Go Lean! works its magic. One day the hubby comes home from work at lunch. “That fucking cereal. I will NEVER eat it again.” He had to take a half day off work the gas was THAT BAD.
    I think we ended up giving the rest of the box away.
    Anyhow, happy birthday, Jon!

  • Charlie

    Heather, in the 5 years I’ve been reading your blog, you have never struck me as a sheep. You don’t have to follow the current trend of obsessing over losing the baby weight within 5 minutes of giving birth. Particularly if you are breastfeeding. You are a gorgeous woman with a lovely and healthy family. Relax–you have lots of time to lose the weight in a healthy way that is good for both you and sweet Marlo.

  • http://www.survivethemayhem.com SAHM: Surviving Assorted Home Mayhem

    Oh yeah, we’ve got plenty of Oswald going on around here, too. The other day when little guy was watching it, Teenager pointed out the subtle irony in the fact that Oswald’s dog “Wienie” is a girl.

  • the niffer

    Happy birthday Jon!

    Great cake. Hilarious story. I can’t believe you put on 40 lbs. You SO did not look like 15 lbs extra. You were all baby, baby!

  • http://thewitchie.blogspot.com Jenn

    um. Dude. John is a geek. Seriously.

    Also, I don’t feel sorry for you about your 15 lbs. I know that you are not used to it, but please… shut up.

  • http://laflacad.com Dianne/LaFlacaD

    well, I’m sure the beans help you clear out a good additional 2lbs or so ;)

  • http://strongrhetoric.blogspot.com StrongRhetoric

    I have TOTALLY seen that episode. It IS stressful. And I thought the same thing as Jon.

    It’s the dachshund who should have REALLY been in trouble.

    Happy Bday to blurbo!

  • Cher

    Here I was sitting bemoaning the fact that I got paid today and have a whole $75 bucks left til NEXT Thursday, when I read you I forgot all about my troubles and thanked my lucky stars I am now beyond breeding age…OMG, That helped my day so much, THANK YOU

    Oh, and Jon, Happy Belated from Mempho…

  • Chriss

    I’d like to weigh in on cakegate. I love it! Very cool.

    As a side note (if you actually see this far down in the comments)- did you see the video about the 7 year old Utah boy who stole his dad’s car and ran from the police all to avoid going to church? Best video of the year and I am wondering if he is a kindred spirit of yours? :)

  • http://bearclau.blogspot.com Bearclau

    It wasn’t funny enough that Jon exclaimed that the octopus should be swimming, but a FUCKING octopus… hysterical!

  • http://zoerights.blogspot.com/ Zoe Right

    Oh I do not miss those days when everything I ate affected the baby- as in I will cry non-stop for twenty-fours straight because you dared to ingest something green.

    On a side note Jon- Happy Birthday! That is the most bitchin’ cake I have ever seen!

  • http://cityoferin.blogspot.com Erin

    Happy Birthday to Jon!

    I can totally relate to the issue with Ben Stiller movies when everything goes wrong..”Meet the Parents” was my nightmare! Those movies just drive me crazy and frustrate me to no end.

  • robyn

    As a mother of a 3 year old who only eats beige food (no joke), I can TOTALLY relate to making a separate meal. If they want something remotely healthy but it’s not the same healthy meal you’re eating, GO WITH IT. At this point I would whore myself in exchange for my son eating anything with color.

  • http://www.theprimamomma.com Kristy Merrill

    Happy b-day Jon! You share a b-day with my favorite cousin. He’s 21. Remember 21? No? That’s okay… the back 44 will be good too.

    We love you guys in our house! Hope you had a wonderful day.

  • SANDY

    Happy birthday Jon! Please don’t let those crazed fans with their inappropriate comments vis a vis EVERYTHING get you down. You rock!

  • http://www.phatchik.blogspot.com Phatchik

    Happy Birthday, Jon! That story cracked me up, but I have to admit that when I read the part about his floating around on his couch, I immediately thought, “Didn’t she just say he’s an octopus?” Great minds??

  • Spain

    I’ve seen that same Oswald episode and I thought the exact same thing! It must have something to do with his tiny hat. It keeps him from swimming properly. Since Fred Savage is the voice of Oswald I can’t help but think of that part in “The Rules of Attraction” where Savage puts that cigarette in his bellybutton and shoots up and is all, “OH! OH! I CAN FEEL MY DICK!” Unfortunately, every time I see that show I think of that and wonder if that octopus can feel his dick.

  • http://thesassymama.blogspot.com Heather @ Mama Sass

    Happy Birthday to Jon!

    Having grown up on The Wonder Years, it pains me greatly that Fred Savage has decided to be the main freaking character on such a gawd awful show.

    Why isn’t he doing something cool? Like Jack’s Big Music Show?

    That is all.

  • Francie

    Oswald didn’t want to get his bowler’s hat wet.

  • Caroline

    Girl, you are hilarious. You make the everyday hilarious – and suddenly I realize how awesome it is that the everyday stuff is really the coolest stuff. Thanks for a much-needed chuckle.

    PS your photographs inspired me to take up photography!

  • LindaLu

    you are a funny motherf*cker!

    happy birthday Jon!