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The inevitable post that gets placed squarely in the BOOBS category | dooce® dooce® » I'm Heather B. Armstrong. This is my website. » The inevitable post that gets placed squarely in the BOOBS category
  • Kate

    HA! I have a 2 year 9 month old and a newborn (named Marlowe!) and I have to agree… breastfeeding this time around is actually sort of awesome, instead of awesomely painful and get-wrenching.

    And we’re having the same issues around bedtime. I love when I can still put him to bed… we really need that time together.

  • Izzy

    I’m not really enjoying BSG so I’m not actually complaining too much, but I am complaining a little because I am watching it and I am almost at the end and, you know… SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS, WOMAN! I KNOW YOU GOT MILK ON ALL YOUR BLOUSES AND SHIT BUT STILL A WARNING WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE.

    I think there’s generally a window of time after something goes public during which it still requires a spoiler warning and we are definitely still in that window of time.

    On the other hand, maybe you’ve just saved me all those hours in front of the computer. So thanks for that.

  • http://www.answersformoms.org kaydee

    was unable to breastfeed but appreciate the description–and getting out of the house just to go to the grocery is a phenom of all new moms whether breastfeeding or not–i was so grateful to go there, giddy really and i’ve always hated grocery shopping…have started http://www.cheesedoffhf.blogspot.com and called it “Musings of a cheesed off haus frau” after reading some or your posts…very inspiring

  • Nora

    My daughter is over 12 months and I still wear those damn absorbent breast pads every day… I just recently stopped wearing a nursing bra to bed. Can’t wait to put the old milkers into retirement for good!

  • http://www.aussiechic.com Aussiechic

    HAHA oh that is great – you know I know that feeling too – mate it would just starting going for it – I always wore those pads…..heaven forbid it I did not!!!! Oh little babies are just so adorable……..

  • Megan

    My breasts are still purely decorative, but seeing that picture just about made them functional.

  • Natalie

    So…this comment has nothing to do with this post though I did enjoy it, just as I’ve enjoyed reading your blog for several years now. I just wanted to let you know…

    BYU IS HELL.
    YOU WERE RIGHT.
    WHY DIDN’T I LISTEN?

  • http://www.whatmakesmelaugh.com Janelle

    If I had a daughter, I’m not sure I could resist the temptation to ban all princess stories. Dragons are way more fun!

  • http://heartscape.wordpress.com Jane

    HII–LARIOUS!! Ahhh. Reminds me of my nursing days: loved ‘em, loved getting my boobs back to myself, too. Not that I didn’t feel sexy sitting topless on the toilet with a double breast-pumper attached to me amidst the gentle hum of the battery, and watching my nipples being artificially squeezed just to take the edge off my swollen pain. No, that’s hot. But hey, baby’s worth it, right? Thanks for the laughs.

  • Kay

    That is the most adorable baby girl! This was so funny to me because of your “excitability” with going to the store. (Yeah, I said it!!!!!) Eyes burning yet? But my mom is the exact same when she “gets to go grocery shopping”. She stayed there a good 2 hours one day, and said it felt like a much needed vacation. (my little brother is 2)

  • http://www.catsaremyfave.blogspot.com Amy

    This post made me want to buy an iPhone. They look so smart!
    Thanks once again for letting us non-Mums know about things we have to look forward to. I can’t wait :-)

  • http://www.beepily.com a chris

    That is an awesome end to the story though.

    I relate. And the picture is perfect.

    Disposable breast pads are an example of the application of modern technology to a vital product I never even knew existed until I googled around for things to buy in preparation for the birth. Turns out life was even suckier for women in the olden days than I ever knew.

  • Jane

    Can you write your name on the shower wall, squirting with your milk let-down? Try it, go on, I dare you! Ahh, the little known joys of motherhood!

  • http://www.mouthymama.com mouthymama

    Okay, I’m actually laughing out loud. I LOVE this post. I certainly relate. When I had my first baby I used to be up in the middle of the night feeling sorry for milk cows. I had milk spraying out of me!

    The worst part–whenever my dog howled, my milk came in like it was spraying from a fire hose! She was a poodle, a lot of howling, and a lot of changed wet shirts:)
    http://www.mouthymama.com

  • http://babyhumanexperience.blogspot.com/ JJ

    I’m nursing my second born (now 8 months), totally easier second time around. But funny enough, I was talking with a pregnant friend today and she told me she was having B.H. contractions. She started talking about the baby in her belly and I started leaking all through my shirt. Just at the thought of a baby! Weird. I think she was more embarassed than me. I just looked down and said to her, “ah well, at least they work.” What can you do when you forget breast pads?

  • Kelly

    “Dude, you’re not even gonna believe this but turns out STARBUCK IS A CYLON, DUUUUUDE!”

    i haven’t watched it on tivo yet! MOTHER FUCKING FUCK!

  • http://www.goodcrafternoon.com Leslie

    Hey Dairy Queen,

    Congrats on getting out of the house!

    I have a feeling that although you turned into Milk Vesuvius, you still did two more errands after grocery shopping because you had the chance to be out with the baby.

    Thank you for giving me a wonderful laugh as I pump at work! Let’s just say, I feel your pain…

  • http://www.adhdattorney.org Anne Marie

    I remember that happening. Things settle down after a few months and then the milk doesn’t gush any more at random times. I always forgot to put the pads in, so I would often be walking around with several dried milk stains on my shirt before I could finally get home to change.

  • Andrea

    Screw all those people about the spoiler. I’m a self-proclaimed girly nerd. I also love TV. SO I feel doubly qualified to say that the Starbuck thing isn’t a big deal. Geez people, it happened so long ago. Considering how long there was in between each of the seasons (and they even took a hiatus in BETWEEN each season) you all had PLENTY of time to watch that particular episode. I mean trust me when I say the Starbuck thing is only the tip of the ice burg in a final season of “NO SHIT. DID THAT JUST HAPPEN!!??” So get over it. I love this blog Heather. Spoil more for me please.

  • http://www.blushinghostessentertains.blogspot.com The Blushing Hostess

    Totally with you on all this, esp. what a profound joy it is to drive in the car alone – I mean, must be…

  • http://myblognathan.blogspot.com Junior

    Oh my god that’s gross. I am never having a child. NEVER HAVING A CHILD.

    Oh my god. I don’t even know what to think right now.

  • http://www.karenchatters.com Karen

    I LOVE to drive in the car by myself. I got to do it just yesterday and it was such a blast. I blared the stereo, sang REALLY loudly, let the wind whip through my hair. Ok, there was no “whipping” in Atlanta in August what with the humidity and my hair’s desire to frizzzzz.

    I think your post made my boobs leak…

  • http://pogonipnv.blogspot.com pogonip

    Sweet memories…

  • http://secretcake.blogspot.com hayley l.

    Any woman who has every nursed is nodding their heads in commiseration and thinking of their own un-duly timed gushers.

    I’m still chuckling about “YOU’RE A F*CKING OCTOPUS! WHY AREN’T YOU SWIMMING?!”

    Too good.

  • http://gproids.com steroids

    It really upset me those first few months that I couldn’t provide enough milk. And the pain? Just intense…but the milk, not there. Still wore the pads, tho – b/c even a tiny spot was gross to me….

  • Beck

    I’ve had that happen many times in the recent past (I have a 7 month old). Here is a trick to stop the milk from coming: As soon as you feel the tingle, put pressure on your nipples for a few moments. It works really well and can usually be done surreptitiously. It’s great for those times when you forget the nursing pads (or when you don’t want soggy nursing pads).

  • http://www.grafficgeorgiamom.blogspot.com Andee

    OK, just want to say, if anyone is surprised at your “Starbuck is a Cylon” comment, they should have been watching the series when it was on the air. And I LOVE BSG.

    That is the cutest picture!

  • http://cyndimichener.blogspot.com Cyndi

    No nursing here, but my phone looks like that too. Not the beautiful baby, but the CONSTANTLY almost discharged battery. Hoping for a software update that will fix that soon.

  • Barb

    I am so envious of your boobs! I was dying to breastfeed–you know, had plans to bf exclusively, etc.–but it just didn’t work for me. You know how most pregnant women’s breasts grow during pregnancy? Not mine. In fact, I’d argue that they shrunk, but that was probably just the comparison to my new watermelon-belly. My milk never came in. I never once got engorged. AND THIS HAPPENED TO ME TWICE (note the caps to show how UNFAIR that is!). I tried the herbal supplements. Pumping. Anything the lactation consultants told me to do–with zero results.

    Oh, well, my babies were mostly formula-fed, and they’re gorgeous and healthy, so I should be happy, but I’ll always be envious of stories like yours. And please don’t think I don’t want to hear it. In an odd, non-perverse way, I’m dying to hear MORE! Thanks for sharing.

  • Celeste

    Oh, I’ve so been there. When my daughter was about a month and a half old, I left her with Grandma for the first time to go see the new Pirates of the Caribbean (I think it was #2). About half way through the theater, a baby cried. Luckily, like you, I had remembered the pads. Unluckily, the movie was REALLY FREAKING LONG! By the time we got out to my car, I had to lay my seat down while my husband drove and try to manually pump milk with my hands into some extra pads to ease some of the pain. By the way, this is a LOT harder than it sounds.

    Thankfully when I got to my mom’s house, my baby was more than hungry enough to take care of the problem.

  • http://www.lovems1.etsy.com Nancy

    It has been 26 years since I nursed a baby and I so remember all of what you talked about! Oh, the moomeries!

  • http://www.spoke.typepad.com Spoke

    I’d very much like to eat your baby. She looks like she’d taste really good with some ketchup.

  • http://not-so-deepthoughts78.blogspot.com/ Melinda

    Thank goodness for breast pads. I recall falling asleep on the couch after feeding my son one night and waking up in a puddle. My couch still smells a little like sour milk because it soaked so deep into the cushion. Gross.

  • http://www.tunheimfamily.blogspot.com Annie

    I so hear you on that one. I had to wear those disposable pads that had some absorbent material–they would feel like a full diaper on each boob when I went to take them off. Still, there’s so much good to breastfeeding, it makes all the bad stuff worthwhile…

  • julie

    My first outing after my son was born – we went to a street art fair and I saw two adorable puppies, and my milk came in. I laughed so hard!

  • robyn

    Your posts lately sound positively giddy. I love it that you’re having such a great time with life this time around!

    PS – I highly recommend washable fabric breast pads. You don’t end up with soggy cotton stuck to your boob.

  • http://www.grumblegirl.com grumblegirl

    I remember those breastfeeding days… now that baby #2 is 18 months, those days are behind me, but I remember how wonderful yet awful the feeling of being “tethered” all the live-long day was back then. Oy! I envy your time alone in the car… what a joy! I’m still doing time in baby prison and hardly EVER have a moment to myself! Le sigh. It won’t be like this forever… and they grow so freaking fast, it’s amazing. Like magic.

  • Diane

    OMG, hilarious. It’s been eleven years and I still remember that so well. That strange feeling, followed by the spouts going on. Value it.

  • http://www.grumblegirl.com grumblegirl

    I remember those breastfeeding days… now that baby #2 is 18 months, those days are behind me, but I remember how wonderful yet awful the feeling of being “tethered” all the live-long day was back then. Oy! I envy your time alone in the car… what a joy! I’m still doing time in baby prison and hardly EVER have a moment to myself! Le sigh. It won’t be like this forever… and they grow so freaking fast, it’s amazing. Like magic.

  • srra

    I breastfed my twins. There is nothing so Moooo-like than having a baby on each breast. Mooooooo. I called myself the dairy queen.

  • http://www.grumblegirl.com grumblegirl

    I remember those breastfeeding days… now that baby #2 is 18 months, those days are behind me, but I remember how wonderful yet awful the feeling of being “tethered” all the live-long day was back then. Oy! I envy your time alone in the car… what a joy! I’m still doing time in baby prison and hardly EVER have a moment to myself! Le sigh. It won’t be like this forever… and they grow so freaking fast, it’s amazing. Like magic.

  • Danielle

    Ok, here’s what I’m wondering…

    My son is almost 10 weeks old now, and my boobs have some sort of crazy Spidey sense going on. It never fails that I can predict when he’ll wake from his naps because about 5 minutes prior they get all tingly and sore. Like my milk somehow magically knows that it is about to be called into action and it is getting ready.

    Anyone else have psychic boobs? I can’t be the only one!

  • http://grumblegirl.com grumblegirl

    I remember those breastfeeding days… now that baby #2 is 18 months, those days are behind me, but I remember how wonderful yet awful the feeling of being “tethered” all the live-long day was back then. Oy! I envy your time alone in the car… what a joy! I’m still doing time in baby prison and hardly EVER have a moment to myself! Le sigh. It won’t be like this forever… and they grow so freaking fast, it’s amazing. Like magic.

  • Anonymous

    I hope you’re pleased with the spoiler about BSG! I am choosing not to believe it.

  • Dave

    Wait, Starbuck is woman now? That’s a huge spoiler! I haven’t been able to start the new series yet. Is there really any point now? (That Dirk Benedict sure is versatile.)

  • http://megatropolis.wordpress.com Anonymous

    Breastfeeding twins+one missed feeding= 22 oz. of pumped milk. Yeah, MOOOOO!

    All I can say is Curity Nursing Pads… saved my sanity :) .

  • http://www.musicformotherandchild.com Music for Mother and Child

    LOL!!

    Thanks for sharing!

    :-D

  • Klemptor

    Argh. I haven’t seen Season 4 of BSG yet. Please no more spoilers!

  • birdie

    Breastfeeding rules.

  • http://labellavitaevents.wordpress.com/ Emma

    I love this blog!!