• http://twelvekindsofcrazy.blogspot.com/ Tina

    I tried to “slide to unlock.”
    Because I’m super smart.
    I remember the maiden car ride of freedom that I once took on a diaper run, it really is that good, kekekeke!

  • famousamy

    LOL at all the bitching about the spoiler. Once the episode airs it’s free game, people. Watch the episode real time (and don’t be on the internet when you do it) if you don’t want to be spoiled.

    If you TIVO/DVR something you don’t want to be spoiled about, you shouldn’t be on the interwebs (or watching other TV, or listening to the radio) before watching! DUH.

    Anyway, excellent post Dooce!

  • Mama B

    Riding in the car baby/kid free is an AMAZING feeling. And getting to go to the grocery store alone? Wow, good day. I love when I’m all by myself because I do the same thing you did – blare some loud music and sing in embarassing loud voice. Those moments of freedom keep me sane!

  • Cassidy

    Alright guys calm down, Starbuck is not, i repeat NOT a cylon. Remember all that Angel Talk? Remember Angel Giaus and Angel Caprica? Starbuck is similar. Silly Billies.

  • http://www.bartelbabyblog.blogspot.com Anonymous

    Starbuck better not be a cylon! I’m only on the second season!

  • Angela

    So. I used to love you. Now I hate you. I will still read your blog and love every minute but I think it may be some time before I stop hating you.

    DAMNIT. I HAVEN’T FINISHED BATTELSTAR YET AND NOW YOU WENT AND FUCKING RUINED IT. Seriously. I cannot believe that you blurted that shit out.

  • http://bilateralhaze.wordpress.com Lara

    Thank god for those plastic-backed breast milk absorbing pads. Even at that our mattress would be soaked every morning thanks to the 1/2 gallon of milk I dreamt into existence every night.

  • http://shmaytalk.blogspot.com Taylee


    Perhaps you should quickly grab a bowl or cup for when you have unexpected MOOOOO moments…I’m sure you could use the milk for something. Cooking? Give to Chuck to drink? I dunno, it just seems like such a waste to wear it on your shirt.

  • Jenifer

    Guess what!? Breastfeeding gets even easier with #three and #four;)You are HIlarious,Dooce. Glad to hear all is well.

  • http://www.mouthymama.com mouthymama

    I love this post. I am laughing out loud! My boobs used to spray everytime my poodle would bark and cry! Let’s just say she barked A LOT! Thanks for the post.

  • tiff

    Oh, what an awesomely hilarious story – one which I can relate to. Ditto on the MOOO!

  • Mari

    While I recently made a pledge to myself to stop beginning sentences with, “So,” now you’ve given me the inspiration to instead use it as much as possible . But, as a third grade teacher, how much linguistic damage am I doing?

  • Tina

    Yes, I remember those days. First child story, before I discovered the pads. I was sitting on the examining table at the ObGyn’s ofc. with a gown draped around me, buff from the top to the waist. I look over at my precious newborn daugther in her car seat and all of a sudden both BOOBS began gushing, soaking my gown. Who knew?!!!! Of course the nurse and doctor walked in….

  • Anonymous

    I can’t believe you just dropped a major spoiler….my husband and I have been watching Battlestar on DVD for the past few weeks! I know the series ended, but why couldn’t you have warned us?? I am seriously bummed; this is the first TV series I’ve enjoyed in awhile. :(

  • Kat

    Funny that a spoiler for BSG is what brings me out of my lurkiness. GAH! Can’t even believe I’ve avoided spoilers for this long just to have it ruined by a dooce blog about BOOBS. Oddly enough, this kind of random shit is a big reason why I keep coming back for more. Still, there is some grumbling going on about the BSG thing.

  • http://donthavekids.wordpress.com/ Karyn

    I am udderly confused (heh) about the whole breastfeeding sitch. Here’s my take on breast pumps:


  • http://laurenfrench.com Lauren

    I think my mouth just represented your boob then because it exploded and now my laptop is covered in tea. Thanks for making me laugh but I would like a new laptop please. Haha.

  • Michele

    so so true! I just try to inconspiculously hold my wrists up to my boobs to try to stop it, but it looks like I’m praying. I wonder what people think…. thanks for the laugh.

  • http://manualnotincluded.com Kara

    Large, swollen, supple breasts…that leak sticky white fluid. Nothing’s sexier! My husband was so excited about the engorged breasts until he figured out the consequences of touching them! I’ve had many, “Mooooo!” moments myself!

  • Anonymous

    I am sooo right there with you right now. I am at home with my 3 month old – I go back to work in a month. We tried to go to a baseball game sans baby last week and had to leave in the 8th inning so my boobs didn’t spray everywhere. ugh. and agree totally about the grocery store – I used to hate it now I LOVE it. I can shop and look at all the varieties of green beans. who knew there were so many? glad to hear it gets a little easier after 6 months. by the way, I read your book while I was pregnant and it was awesome! didn’t scare me one bit, lol.

  • CJK

    HA! Mooooooo

    Don’t you love when they’re so full that when your milk lets down and baby makes the mistake of pulling off for a second to adjust she gets a milk facial?? And they have zero neck control so it’s not like they can dodge it…aaaah, good times! I’ll be sad when I’m done this second, and last, time around.

  • Rebecca

    Heather, as a parent of 2 girls ages 4 and 6 and a 5-month- old son, my life is so your life and I love, love, love reading your take on it.

    You are extremely gifted …

    Thank you again for another wonderful post!

    P.S. The boob leaking does slow down a little later on, thank God.

  • http://www.littlebabyfeet.blogspot.com Sarah

    Hopefully it’s easier for me the second time around as well!! Atleast your ringtone isnt Marlo crying, your tits would most likely explode.

  • http://sassypriscilla.typepad.com sassyprisilla

    I pumped and fed my son exclusively for 15 months. My milk let down at the sound of heavy machinery, not babies.

  • mmh

    I remember going to the gas station to buy a soda (1/2 mile from my house) about two weeks after baby was born BY MYSELF!!! It was exhilerating!!! The second place I went by myself was the dentist. I hate to admit it was the most relaxing hour I have ever, ever spent. Whoever said it was like a spa day is right on!!!!!! All my childless friends laugh at me every time they hear that story… Just wait!!

  • http://thebignells.blogspot.com/ Laura

    That’s so funny! I love the mooing too, I can’t even rememebr my name because I have been called “the milk truck” for 3 years now.

  • http://www.mommiepie.blogspot.com MommiePie

    Damn. Reading this just made my milk come in!

  • RichardK

    You are precious.

  • Ashley

    But, but, but . . . Starbuck ISN’T a Cylon! She’s an angel sent from God or whatever.

    This was hilarious, by the way.

  • kristen

    Going to the grocery store alone is equal to going to the spa.
    And if it wasn’t for Lansinoh nursing pads I would have looked like a target.

  • http://maybeinutah.blogspot.com Mari

    Oh my gosh, I forgot about leakage! Have you taken one out and squirted Jon yet? Shuts ‘em right up. Target practice is fun!

  • Jennnie C.

    I think it’s hilarious that your milk leaked when Hera cried. But what the heck – Starbuck wasn’t a cylon!

  • Tania

    My first child and I were not good at breastfeeding. I did not sleep for four days after giving birth. My neighbor who was a nurse saw the lights on at five am and called to say stop listening to the breastfeeding Nazis and give the kid some damn formula! Baby slept, we slept and the milk finally came in. And boy did it! It took a hot shower, hot towels, my husband, and a breast pump to relieve the engorgement. Thirteen years later we still laugh at the memory.

    Second time around was so much easier. I gave birth to a boy who nursed like a champ thirty minutes after delivery and my milk came in before leaving the hospital. The milk flowed so well that I was able to freeze enough milk to feed my fourteen week old son while I was away on a business trip for five days. The best part of the trip was being in a room next to a fussy infant. Every time that baby cried at night I flooded the bed!

    So glad to see you are enjoying Marlo! Love reading every post!

  • monica

    My milk almost let down seeing that baby!! Beautiful. You wrote in a previous post how you did not expect the feeling of crazy, overwhelming love for your first child after having your second. Kind of like it hit you all over again, the love for Leta. I went through that similar experience (it took your post for me to remember and, you know, write it down somewhere so I wouldn’t ever forget again…), but the love I would feel looking at my toddler caused my milk to leak like crazy. Baby crying–nope, my beautiful toddling girl looking sad, or happy, or doing something funny, or walking into the room–SOAKED!

  • Chareelk

    LANSINOH PADS. Those are the only ones you should use. cloth are huge and soak thru, and all the other disposables are thick, sticky, soggy and miserable. I had to use them cause the milk stained my shirts even if i washed them right away.

    LANSINOH PADS… in the purple box!

  • http://your-life-is-now.blogspot.com Sarah

    DUDE! I am soooo on the same page as you right now! Got my breast pads in and everything. Check out this post on my blog from the other day…I TOTALLY get what you’re saying!

  • http://www.candacemorris.blogspot.com Candace

    OMG! Starbuck is a CYLON?!!! I haven’t got that far.

    Thanks for the spoiler! :(

    And for the laugh of the day.

  • Jordan Olson

    I remember the day I went to the grocery store by myself for the first time after my daughter was born. *sigh* I remember feeling completely free at the time and took like an hour and a half at the grocery store for 5 items.

    Moooooo! I wish I had had that kind of let-down. I was a constant dripping faucet. I don’t know that I was never not leaking. Ever. Even months after I weaned. I do remember changing my breast pads all the time and I swear they’d weigh like 5 pounds and it felt like such a waste of breast milk…

  • http://mysleepinghusband.blogspot.com Carrie

    I thought breastfeeding was easier with my second as well. Only made it 5 weeks with the first one! My second went 8 months before she lost interest and tried to eat sitting up, which is against the physics of breastfeeding.
    I fondly remember the days of leaking. Mine was always worst at night and I often woke up swimming! I eventually broke down and bought these sticky rubber like shields that helped as long as there wasn’t too much pressure!

  • Anonymous

    Aren’t you worried Leta will feel left out / jealous with that (beautiful) phone screen picture?

  • KathyM

    Y’know, if I were still nursing and saw that particular picture, I think my milk would also let down! :-)

  • LJM

    Wish you would have noted the Battlestar spoiler alert – man! Not that I wasn’t suspecting Starbuck, but still. Ah well. Enjoyed the post.

  • Anonymous

    My “yeah I am all alone” trip was to the Walgreens to pick up photos of our new little angel…which of course I opened and looked at right there in the store. Let down, all over the front of my t-shirt.
    It was raining out though so I was hoping the photo-lab guy had no idea.

  • a

    nice product placement.

  • lizandboys

    I STILL get that feeling when I run errands by myself and the boys are 5 and 9 years old!!

    I hated the disposable and cloth pads – I liked Lilypadz – odd but they worked well for the gallons of milk that leaked from me.

    The 2nd time was easier for me too…congrats again – you have a beautiful family

  • Lisa

    Hilarious yet beautiful all at the same time. You’re a rock star, Heather.

  • http://www.luckytohavethesekids.blogspot.com/ Roach

    SO precious I can hardly stand it…that pic!!

  • http://www.smacksy.com Lisa Rae @ smacksy

    A solo trip to the market is like being launched into space. (No baby on board feels sort of naked. In a good way.)

  • Cara

    Great post and the picture is adorable! I haven’t breastfed for 3 years now, but occasionally when hearing a baby cry in a story I’ve felt that distinct tingling that comes just before letdown. Crazy stuff!

  • http://www.twosheep.com/blog June

    The visual/aural baby stimuli never did it for me, but when I had let-down, it was the proverbial fire hydrant stream of milk. There was much choking, gagging, and coughing, and of course this was going on last summer, when you turned on the news and all you would hear is “waterboarding” day in and out.

    It took months for the girl to figure out how to control the flow, namely through CLAMPING DOWN when it started. (Mthrfkr that hurts!) I can only say it got worse for a while when she got teeth – nothing quite like peering down and seeing bite marks circling the nipple – but then she learned to clamp with her tongue instead of her jaws, or maybe the let-down lightened up, or possibly I got used to the pain.