• http://pogonipnv.blogspot.com pogonip

    Mobility…highly overrated.

    Good hair days…priceless!

  • http://yvetteshomesweethome.blogspot.com Yvette

    Yes. Katy is definitely screwed. My chubby, not-so-little guy started doing that at 4 months. The day after he turned 6 months he was crawling. EVERYWHERE!!! Sigh…maybe it’s a chubby-baby thing. Now at seven months he is pulling himself up and goes after everything. His favorite items are flip flops, electrical cords (which go straight into the mouth. Think about all the places those flip flops go! Blegh!) And the dogs’ water bowel has become his own personal splash factory.
    Note to Katy: Get the liquor and xanax ready cause you’re gonna need it!

  • Jenny

    What a dumpling!!!! NOTHING better than a chubby baby.

  • Anonymous

    THIS, totally! And it drives me nutters.

    34. Nicole said:

    dude, sometimes your writing gives me whiplash! Johnny Depp, infants, Koreans, cats, postpartum, tequila, AND THEN the story . . . are you POSITIVE you don’t have adult attention deficit????

  • lewlew

    Yes, TOTALLY. I left one of my 4-month-old twins asleep on my bed while I was holding the other one in the living room…WHAA I hear, plop the one I was holding on the couch, run into my room to find NO BABY. WTF?! Where’d he go?! Not on the floor, not on the other side of the bed on the floor, but I can hear him gurgling, but I just can’t SEE him. I find him on the floor crammed in between the bed and the nightstand, half covered by the sheet, feet to the wall! Like he actually did a flip or something to land with his feet to the wall. At precisely this point I hear WHAA coming from the living room. The other little dude flipped himself off the couch! That was how I learned my babies could flip.
    But my kids’ hair wasn’t nearly as rockin’ as Lily’s while they did it.

  • Anonymous

    #187, you are a retard.

  • Katherine

    Though I shudder to think just how many “UNFOLLOW!!”s you’re going to get for those little tidbits about healthcare, know that in exchange for them, you get an eternal reader in me. Trust me, you’re totally winning on this one. I’m awesome. And that’s a fact.

  • 1111

    My cat decided he wanted to comment on your blog. So he wrote his name by walking on the keyboard. He apparently things much of himself, and wonders how you can not look at his beautiful body and love him instantly. Though I understand since his cuddly fur makes you allergic. On a related note, I found out today that I am allergic to band-aids. well, the generic kind. I was surprised to find out I’m *quite* allergic to them. I thought it was just heat rash..

    Anyway, I wanted to say:
    I love the post, as always, and most especially because you write the way that I think, though the fact that you got back to the original thought is where the resemblance ends.

  • namedphoenix

    And my cat THINKS, not things, much of himself.

    I lurve me some Heather. And those baby arms are delicious.

  • http://violencetovictory.blogspot.com V2V

    That is just too cute for words! Oh wow is she screwed!!!
    Love your blog!

  • Liz

    Favorite post ever.

  • LynzM

    Laughed my ass off at the ranting, as always. :D

    She. Is. Adorable.

    Also: the almost-but-not-quite-nap has the power to make me, also, instantaneously more furious than many other things on this planet.

  • http://prettylittlepenny.blogspot.com Be Like the Squirrel, Girl

    Wow, Lily is amazing! My baby detested “tummy time” so much, she didn’t roll until 6 months and didn’t crawl at all – anything to avoid being on her belly. Which was nice in a way, because at least she would stay put! We were all screwed once she started walking, though, especially the cats.

  • http://poopinginpeace.blogspot.com/ Kristi

    Oh I can NOT even imagine! The earliest any of my 3 girls crawled was 9 months. The older 2 didn’t walk until almost 17 months. I didn’t like it at first, but now my 14 month old is showing no signs of walking anytime soon and I’m just fine with that. I do not need another one running right now. At least I can keep better track of her with her crawling. Tell Katey-good luck!

    ps-your recent tangents have me hysterical. Lack of sleep is making you even funnier!

  • Jeremy

    PLEASE share with us the story of why you lived with several Korean ladies and their evil pooping cat(s)!!! I can only imagine the fun and hilarity!

  • Diane

    Ahahaha, my capcha is “Nixon depraves”. Yes on the healthcare, I can’t even understand why there *is* a debate. BTW all you selfish dissenters, this is Heather’s blog, she can say or write what she pleases. Y’all don’t have to read it, or agree with it. And once and for all, she earns her money, and can spend or not. Any. way. she. and. John. Choose. Are you jealous much?

    Anyway, my kid was cutting teeth an hour after he was born, talking at three months, crawling two weeks later, running at four months. ;P

    Wow, Heather! You sure bring out Teh Crazies.

  • Sophie

    My sister started walking at 9 months, ran 9 months and 1 day and figured out climbing at 9 months 2 days. Pity my poor mother.

  • Jessica

    LOL, I won’t apologize for saying sleep when the baby sleeps. When you get a 3 hour nap it feels glorious!
    Love the blog and I can’t believe you get over 1000 comments all the time… I hope you have someone to help weed through all of them

  • http://www.whatkatiedoes.net katie

    Ha ha, watch out. I started walking at seven months, maybe she’ll be like me! My parents had to super-suddenly baby-proof everything.

  • Amanda

    OMG I never thought i would see the day – Advertising has finally won out on your site. Your blog design has always been as much of a delight as your writing ..I visited this morning and urgh..what happened..do you need more money to buy baby booties. The new alignnments to include the advertising makes reading your wit and wisdom totally different experience….its like you are a tiny tiny voice in the corner of the room shouting above the adverts on a TV thats on TOO LOUD !!!

  • http://adaupdates.blogspot.com Scott

    So how do you say “Hello” in Korean? I mean I dont get Korean manicures or anything, but I am envious of that kind of power.

  • http://www.seawright.info/writing/ Sonja

    I don’t have anything more exciting to say than, “This post was totally awesome.” I admit that I didn’t think you could equal or top the World’s Greatest Email, but this post makes me grovel at your feet and beg your forgiveness for ever doubting you.

  • Heather H

    And the whole time sucking on her fist…amazing! I like my quite stationary 5 month old, thank you very much.

  • http://lynnreads.blogspot.com/ Lynn

    Yo Bo Say Yo?

  • http://themombuzz.com Erin

    Wow! And to think my first kiddo didn’t start crawling at 10 months. My second was crawling at 6 months. But 4 months – insane!

  • http://have-the-t-shirt.blogspot.com/ Have the T-shirt

    Huh! A T-Shirt I have for sure.

    You are right, Katey is totally screwed. One of my babies was physically AHEAD OF THE FREAKING BABY BOOKS! too. The child started turning over the day we brought him home from the hospital, was crawling at three months, walking at six months and RUNNING at 9 months. I shit you not.

    Just as a warning to Katey, this child who was so physically advanced, was also smart as a whip. My advice to Katey is to be prepared for ANYTHING, and I mean anything, because that child of mine? Well……

    I don’t usually link to a post of mine when commenting, but Katey….you might wanna read this one:


  • http://crayonscarseats.blogspot.com Courtney

    You couldn’t have said it better…She is screwed. With baby #1 I couldn’t wait until she was mobile and she was walking at 10 months. With baby #2… I cringed when he started crawling at 10 months!

    Mobility is seriously overrated!

  • Ashley

    I love reading you Dooce, You’re like Junie B. Jones for adults.

  • http://tinyapple.wordpress.com katie

    god, i want another baby. your site is like baby porn for wanna-be moms.

    i once had a cab driver in boston spend most of the ride from the airport on his cell phone talking about women to what i assume was some guy on the other end. in russian. thought he’d shit his pants when i thanked him IN RUSSIAN for helping me get my bags out of the trunk. worth every minute in that class for two semesters in college with that horridly stern no-fun professor.

  • Shanna

    Ha! That’s nothing. My kid was born being able to lift his head up, and started crawling – CRAWLING – at four months, on the day. I totally got screwed.

    (He can also unlock my iPhone and the bathroom door.)

  • http://theresmoretolifethanlaundry.blogspot.com/ kristi

    Dude. If you were truly a humanitarian (you with all of your – affordable healthcare! green stuff! birthin’ babies!), you would teach us all to say Hello in Korean. Just sayin’. Practice what you preach. ;)

  • Anonymous

    Ha. My daughter started pushing up on her hands and knees at 4 months but didn’t start crawling until the week she turned 6 months old and couldn’t roll from back to front until she was 7 months old!

    Now if you’ll excuse me, my now 13 month old is climbing onto the counter (the COUNTER) again…

  • http://blog.sailorscorpio.com/ Meredith

    Ah, the sweet joy in watching babies progress through milestones — then remembering, “oh hey, this means soon the little munchkin will be reaching for all the things to pull down and break, getting ready to walk around, then running into things and running away from you while giggling insanely.” Yes, I know both the joys and horrors of developmental milestones. ;)

  • http://zoerights.blogspot.com Zoe Right

    Oh you two- these are the good years, just you wait…oh crap when did I turn into a really bad version of my grandmother?

    Do you see? Do you see what happens when there are two teenagers in the house> I find myself saying things like just you wait…Ugghhh.

    I’m sorry but the bit about the Korean mancurists- that was the best. I would have loved to see it, just to hear the crickets.

  • Renee

    I have a 14-week-old son, which explains why I’m awake at 6:02 on a Friday morning commenting on your blog. I’ve been awake about every 40 minutes due to his new habit of only having to poo in the wee hours of the morning, but he needs all freakin’ night to build up to it. And it’s painful, and he screeches all night. And I’m in to the all natural stuff (I will endorse gripe water here – it’s done us ok until this week), but I finally gave in just now and gave him the Infant Gas X my sister-in-law gave me (she works for Big Pharma and is totally the drug pusher in the family. How frightening that I am now the member of a family where the drug being pushed is GasX? Oy.) Anyway, I’m afraid to go back to sleep because I know I’ll be ripped out of my lovely peace in less than a half hour, so I’m on the interwebs, and realize I’m a post behind in my dooceness.
    Oh My God! (Sorry, I’m just not an OMG kinda girl, I gotta write the whole thing out. Yes, even in text messages.) I was laughing so hard I thought I’d wake the baby and my husband (who, by the way, moans a little each time the baby screeches in the night, but never actually wakes up).
    I think I laughed so hard that the properties of transference needed to apply themselves to my laugh because I swear my son, who is all cute and nestled beside me, and damn I wish I could be sleeping now, let out a little giggle. And he hasn’t actually giggled for us yet. For dooce, he’ll giggle in his sleep. And I was reading this silently, in my head, not out loud. That’s how funny you are. So funny my 14-week-old is willing to laugh for you.

    Thanks for making it worth being awake.
    Now I’m going to try to go back to sleep. Wish me luck.

  • Ms. Kim

    If you hadn’t just received the BEST response email already, I would be tempted to send you a vitriolic screed of my own.

    I DO have to say that I loved the one responder that said “WHAT? You don’t like Kimchi? UNFOLLOW!!!” ha ha ha!


    I don’t think you have ADD, I think that’s what makes people interesting writers. If a reader can’t follow more than one story line at a time, maybe they need to get a little less sleep themselves. I don’t even drink caffeine and I talk/write like that ALL of the time. (My husband DOES say, “you can’t use Dooce as the example to make yourself look more normal, you’re BOTH bizarre.” ha ha ha, but he loves me, so he must love you too!).

    I must also point out that I’m pregnant, I’m Korean and my husband is German, so if we have a baby with no head we will then be the Germanic, Headless, Korean anti-vaccination pioneers (wait, we do believe in vaccines, damn it!). . .

    I think you’re funny. I will have to say that I get my pedicures done often, but my manicurist is Vietnamese. I think your story is FUNNY and clearly you knew which language your manicurist was speaking, but to many of your readers I think it would be hilarious if they now go into their respective nail salons and don’t know WHAT language is beings spoken and start speaking nonsense.

    My friends had the rolly-polliest babies and I thought they were adorable. Their heads were also so big they weren’t even on the charts (the onesies with the shoulder snaps to make the head opening larger were still too snug for their giant heads!!).

    Thanks for your post. :)

  • http://www.shenaniganist.wordpress.com stealthnerd

    I am LOVING that her baby mohawk! How cute! And you’re right–NOTHING better in this world than a chubby baby!

  • http://amandacoughlin.com Mandi

    Oh she is too precious! That last photo especially — you can’t look at that baby and not get a HUGE smile on your face. Having not been a mother (yet) myself, I can’t fully sympathize, but I can imagine — good luck, Katy! She’s gonna be a (wonderful!) handful!

  • Alicia

    One of those early crawlers is now a wicked fast 4 year-old able to elude my husband, a marathon runner, for 35 minutes in a super Target.

    So, invest in good shoes and practice tennis on the Wii because you’ll need some fast reflexes.

  • Elissa

    Long time reader, but don’t think I’ve ever commented – love your blog! I just had to completely agree with you on the not sleeping while baby sleeps. I’m a first time mom of a 6 month old and EVERYONE told me to sleep while the baby was sleeping. I can say that this was the WORST advice I got regarding babies. The minute I’d fall asleep, the baby would start stirring or crying which is, as you so eloquently put… pure agony.

    You are the first person – mother or otherwise – who has expressed my exact feelings on this and I just had to say – Thank God I’m Not the Only One…

  • http://www.autismlearningfelt.com Tammy

    I remember those days. Watching my daughter go through her developmental milestones was so great. Each one was a triumph. My son, who is autistic, did not meet his milestones on time. His were met in his own way and at his own time. It took a lot of work by him and us to get him to accomplish them. When he first rolled over, I was so excited. It was a major accomplishment. Now that he is ten, I still get overjoyed with each new accomplishment.

  • Janie

    Oh Heather, you’d best keep Marlo in another room away from Lily or she might teach her.
    Katey, you have a gorgeous little girl…don’t know how you stop yourself from chewing her up. Look at that chubby arm! Those cheeks! That tiny peeking tongue! Precious.
    And Heather, the adorable video of little Marlo’s burp was just priceless…as was you’re laughter.

    The two of you are lucky, lucky women. Jon on the other hand? Really? Both of you pregnant at the same time? Trapped in the house all winter with 2 pregnant woman? And now. 5 women? I don’t think Jon’s worrying about Lily rolling over. More likely he’s hoping neither of them ever learn to speak ha-ha.

  • Soph

    Johnny Depp is MY boyfriend.

  • June

    Baby tongue ENHANCE! What a cutie. Good luck to Katie, hope the home is babyproofed! :)

    Re secret language – my mom would try to do that, except she speaks a hybrid of Japanese and English (Engrish, really), and all the key words often would accidentally be said in English. See us browsing through a posh boutique, you hear “yabba yabba UGLY DRESS yabba yabba TOO EXPENSIVE yabba yabba.” LOL. Maybe it wasn’t an accident after all!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/crownofstorms Justine!

    @101. Sylvia: I’m pretty sure the sheer BEAUTY of a blog is that you can say whatever you damn please!

    @107.Serial: I LOVE YOU! You summed it up better than I ever could.

    @129.Liz Lemon: it’s comments like THIS that really bug me! someone occasionally mentioning healthcare and their stance on it IS NOT equivalent to watching the news! are you KIDDING me!? if snippets of mohawked babies and Johnny Deep were injected into the news, I’d even watch THAT!

    @159.backbone4jon: go freaking cry about it! does she have a chain around his testicles? I’m pretty sure Jon helps her out as much as he does because of a little thing called LOVE.

    And Heather … LOVE this post. LOVE this blog. LOVE your writing. You would probably have to drive all the way to Maine and piss on my shoes to even make me THINK about unfollowing you … but even then, I probably wouldn’t!

  • Dharma

    My darling son, second issue of my loins, started walking at 9 months. I remember the dread, horror and fear of watching him teeter victoriously away from the ottoman on his way to effectively destroy everything in my house that was placed below a 3 foot waterline….

    If that child had been my first I don’t know if I would have truly been able to appreciate how SCREWED I actually was at that point. Having an infant in the house who is completely and independently mobile is like watching a episode of COPS when they are chasing a drunk driver into the medians off the Pacific Coast highway…..dangerously close to the edge…..WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA……WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

  • http://www.websavymom.com Hokie Deb

    –>I couldn’t wait for my son to start crawling and pulling myself up. Idiot that I was with my first kid. We thought having two dogs with tails were bad…..not compared to a toddler.


  • Kariari

    My daughter was 10 months old when she figured out how to VAULT herself over the side of the playpen. She couldn’t even walk yet, but she was able to escape the playpen. At the time my husband was deployed to Iraq and I was home with a 3 year old and a 10 month old who could now escape her ‘cage’. I think I cried for an hour.

    Then I bought a playpen with higher sides.

  • http://www.racheldirollzack.com Rachel

    So you hate Korean cats now too?

  • http://www.karenchatters.com Anonymous

    OH MAH BABYNESS!! The hair! I LOVE the hair. What a cutie!