Of dares and double-dog dares
So last week I get a call from a producer at the Bonnie Hunt show, and after we talk for a few minutes she says, "Do you think you could show Kourtney Kardashian how to change a diaper?"
Just let that sink in for a second.
I twittered my thoughts about it earlier, but I never thought that teaching Kourtney Kardashian how to change a diaper was on my lifelist, but THERE IT IS. Right up there with chest-bumping Danny DeVito and seeing if I can get Martha Stewart to hold my gum while I taste test her trademark homemade sorbet.
So that's what I'm doing tonight during a taping of the show that airs I believe on Thursday, and I'll let you know if there are any changes to that schedule. But that's not even what this post is about, although I could probably just end it right there: you guys, I get to meet Kourtney Kardashian today and teach her how to wipe someone else's butt. WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY?
Let's just hope it's not one of Marlo's diapers, DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTED on what that kid did as our flight was descending into LAX. And because I had changed both of her blow-out messes last time we did this three weeks ago, it was Jon's turn to maneuver his abnormally large body plus dripping poopy diaper inside that claustrophobic air hole they call an airplane bathroom. Let's just call it what it really is: an upright coffin.
Thing is, he was taking forever, and I wasn't even worried that maybe he'd banged his head against the wall and blacked out because of the turbulence. No. No, I was just hoping, praying that when he came to and realized where he was and walked back to his seat that he wouldn't make eye contact with Peter Frampton.
Half of my audience just went, who?
Dude, PETER FUCKING FRAMPTON. A quick wikipedia search will tell you that his album Frampton Comes Alive was the top selling album of 1976, and my most vivid memory of him, really, is listening to this certain adult contemporary radio station in Memphis on rainy Sunday afternoons in the 80's and singing, "Baby, I love your way" really loudly into a hairbrush with a backdrop of pink and teal flowered wallpaper. I'm sure that's the exact scenario he had hoped that song would inspire, right after world peace.
But he played a HUGE influence in Jon's childhood. ENORMOUS. Here, let me let Jon tell you in his own words:
Summer. 1977. My older brother Tom brought home Frampton Comes Alive. My first time ever being allowed to touch a double album. I was in love with "Do You Feel Like We Do" and would put on headphones (that we bought for my dad for his birthday; a sweet pair of vented Koss) and assume the position of drummer or of Frampton himself. I knew every note. The little riff on the Fender before the crowd roar as Peter went for the talkbox and started teasing with a few Do You Feels before releasing with Like We Do and the crowd roaring approval. I first faked the drum parts via air drumming and then later did stellar air guitar work. I wore that album out, but I was very careful to clean it before and after playing so my brother would be none the wiser. That album was my first leap into thinking that I could possibly one day play music in front of people.
So when we find out that he is sitting two rows in front of us on the plane to LA, both Jon and I instinctually Twitter the hell out of it as we're sitting in the terminal, and I'm joking that I'm going to start singing "Baby, I love your way" while we board, because I BET HE'S NEVER HAD TO ENDURE THAT from a stranger.
And Jon is talking about how he's trying to force me to keep my shirt on, and I'm all BUT MY NURSING BRA, SO HOTT, and someone replied back, really? you have a hot nursing bra? And guys, I only have one that fits me the right way, so even if it was hot back when I started wearing it twelve weeks ago, I'm guessing the frayed straps and sagging elastic make it look less like something you'd find at Victoria's Secret and more like something you'd see Meatloaf using to wipe the sweat off of his forehead.
And that's when I casually glance over my shoulder and see Peter Fucking Frampton SITTING RIGHT THERE BEHIND US in the terminal. And he's on his laptop. And he's looking at Twitter.
Slllooooooowww moooootionnnnn, oooohhhhh nooooooo.
SHHHHH! HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER WHEN I WAS TWITTERING ABOUT PETER FRAMPTON? CAN WE JUST FORGET ABOUT THAT?
UNDO! UNDO!
Jon starts doing the satan ventriloquist thing where his lips aren't moving, and he's going FIND HIM ON TWITTER RIGHT NOW, WOMAN. So I do a quick search and, phew! He doesn't follow me or Jon, as if he ever would, I know, but the feeling was still one of a close call. Except at the time, if he had done a search on his name he would have seen all the replies of people urging and double-dog-daring me to karaoke his music as we board the plane. Note: I couldn't bring myself to do it. In theory, a great idea, right? In reality, the making of a total douchebag.
So we get settled into our seats, and we're both checking our phones before they close the cabin doors and tell us that we have to turn off all electronic equipment, and right then I get a direct message from one of our Internet friends nemeses, Mike Monteiro. And he says that if I can get a picture of Peter Frampton holding a "I hate Mike Monteiro" sign then he'll give me free T-shirts for life (see selection here, we already own a few, including the utterly tasteless "Jackson 4" shirt that I wear around the house when I don't want to put on a nursing bra, and Tito ends up crying tears of milk all day long, bless his heart.)
Jon looks at me, and I look at Jon, and after maneuvering the baby around a bit, we find a pen and I MacGyver a sign on a drink napkin:
It takes me a few minutes to get the nerve up, but I finally hold my breath, hop down the aisle a bit and there I am face to face with Peter Frampton. And next thing you know, I can barely even remember, I'm frantically going MY HUSBAND IS A HUGE FAN AND I LIKE YOU TOO AND WE HAVE THIS FRIEND WHO HAS A CRIMINAL RECORD AND MIGHT CUT ME IN THE THROAT IF I DON'T GET HIM A PHOTO, DO YOU THINK—
And he politely cuts me off and says, "Not now, please, maybe later."
Oh you guys, I don't think I have ever been more mortified. MORTIFIED. I felt so stupid, so so so dumb, DUMBITY DUMB DUMB, and spent the entire plane ride jabbing that pen into my skull. So when we're landing and Marlo shits all over herself and Jon, all I can think is, oh God, please Jon, whatever you do, please do not look at Frampton! DON'T DO IT! LOOK DOWN, LOOK DOWN! And what does he do? HE GRINS AT FRAMPTON. He GRINNED! At FRAMPTON!
And then after landing as everyone is gathering up their luggage I do nothing but avoid looking anywhere near his direction. That's it. I spent a good ten minutes of my life avoiding eye contact with Peter Frampton. Whoever is in charge at the time, I want that on my tombstone.
And after we get our stroller and car seat and are taking our time walking toward baggage claim, we keep going back and forth about how dumb I feel, and Jon's all DUDE! PETER FRAMPTON! He's still reminiscing about that summer in 1977 unaware that I want to shrivel up and die, and OH MY GOD, I am not even kidding, when we get to the baggage claim Peter Frampton is the only one from our flight standing around the carousel. Turns out God doesn't just like to fuck with you through your appliances. He likes to fuck with you through Frampton.
I immediately sprint with the stroller and the baby to a remote hiding place behind a column next to the door, thinking, okay, he'll never see me here, and Jon! OH MY GOD! JON! MY HUSBAND. FATHER OF MY CHILDREN. HE WALKS UP TO FRAMPTON. And I'm screaming whispers from my hiding place, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! STOP! STOP! And I can't hear anything from where I'm standing, but dear lord god in heaven, my husband is over there right in front of Frampton playing air guitar, swaying his hips, and pumping his hand in the shape of devil horns above his head.
Please just picture that in your head.
Remember, Jon is six feet three inches tall, weighs sixty pounds when he's soaking wet, and his hair looks like Kramer's.
I think I fell over dead, or maybe I just blacked out, but I don't remember at least five minutes of my life. The sweat on my upper lip was so thick that I could have poured it into a 64-oz Big Gulp and had enough left over to water my yard.
And just as I come to, just as my vision starts to correct itself, I look up right as Frampton is exiting the terminal with his family not two feet in front of me. And you guys, this still doesn't seem real, I'm still processing what happened, but right then he lifted up his right arm and waved at Jon. And then he stopped a few inches in front of Marlo's stroller and said, "You have a beautiful baby there."
Marlo, honey, do you have any idea how many 45-yr-old men are insanely jealous of you as this moment? FRAMPTON ACKNOWLEDGED YOU.
We talked about pretty much nothing else yesterday, Jon every other minute singing another Frampton song, pretending to play guitar, sending email to all his high school buddies going, LOOK AT ME NOW! And then when we climbed into bed at the hotel to settle in for the night, Jon frantically poked my snoozing body and said, DUUUUUUUUDE LOOOOOOOK!
Long story to say no, sadly, I didn't get Mike his sign, so he's going to have to settle for this:
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Heather talks about public tantrums (from kids) on today's Momversation.
- RIP Louis Mortimer Armstrong: http://bit.ly/1R4tv6
- Hugs and kisses to you, too! RT: @Monkey_Tree: @dooce he probably committed suicide because he was tired of LISTENING TO YOU WHINE.
- Our fish just died. And I'm sitting here crying. And it wasn't even my fault!
1. Daddy Scratches said:
After having my own recent "make yourself look like a douchebag in front of a rock star" moment, I can say that I feel your pain.
P.S.: Did Jon accompany his air-guitar session with a squawk-box impression? Because that really would have made the moment complete.
2. Tabitha (From Single to Married) said:
Love that story! And so glad he ended up being a decent guy after the "not now thanks" comment on the plane! Besides, how could he not think Marlo is beautiful?
3. ~Michelle~ said:
No freakin' joke, guess what song is on the radio as I read this blog post?
Yep, "Baby, I love your way"
4. Colleen said:
That's one of the best celebrity encounters I've ever heard! And clearly, now it's official that Marlo is gorgeous.
5. Shiri said:
Amazing. He made it up to you!
6. Katy said:
HA!
Frampton lives in my city, so I have met him a couple of times at fundraiser or two. The first time I met him, I drunkenly asked him "Do you feel like we do, Mr. Frampton".
I woke up the next morning and strolled the walk of shame for about a month after that....
Anyhoodle, Frampton lives in Cincinnati and Clapton in Columbus.... Everyone is from Ohio.
7. PJ said:
When was this? Because I saw just saw him Saturday night in New Lenox, IL! I was making fun of it all along (my cousin lives there), because Peter Frampton in New LENOX? C'mon! But it was an amazing show!
8. Sam said:
Now really, how could Mike object to that? Marlo is beautiful :)
9. Anonymous said:
OMG that rocks!!! I'm pretty sure having Peter Frampton tweet about you is five steps above having him hold a napkin with Sharpie. You should get free shirts for life!!!
10. Megan said:
Marlo's looking like, seriously, I do hate him.
11. The Prima Momma said:
AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!! Peter Frampton. So I guess he follows you guys on Twitter now huh? You realize that means he will see this post? I bet he's a cool enough cat to send you that I hate Mike pic after all...
I double dog dare him to.
12. Labradoris said:
You still rock, hard-core. Loved the visual imagery.
13. es said:
Classic! My oldest niece and I saw Gene Simmons in the airport about two years ago. She looks at me and says, "Who's that dude? I know he's famous but I don't know who he is." So I say, "That's Gene Simmons...from KISS." And she's all, "What's KISS?". So I say, "You know, the guy with the big tongue." And she proceeds to stick her tongue all the way out and throw up her rock&roll horn fingers in the air as we are about five feet away from him. I never felt so awkard in all my life.
14. Mike Monteiro said:
I am a fan of everyone mentioned in this article except myself.
15. erika said:
right on, Marlo! I'm guessing Frampton needs you to show him the way...everyday.
16. Michelle Baxter said:
Hey Heather! Frampton lives right here in Cincinnati! After reading your post, I have a new found appreciation for him. Perhaps I will stalk him in his Indian Hill neighborhood...SO JUST KIDDING!!!!! He's awesome.
PS - My little girls can't get enough of the video of Marlo burping..."Play it agian, Mom! She's so cute!"
17. Ashley said:
Haha, what a fantastic story. Have you ever had anyone fangirl herself all over you like that? Because I would totally be the same way if I saw you sitting two rows behind me on an airplane!
18. Michelle Baxter said:
PS - The Jackson 4....hilarious. Thanks for sharing that website!
19. Liz C said:
And here I thought I was the only one who turned into a pile of puppy piss in the presence of celebrity.
BTW, I can't get over how Marlo is losing that newborn look already. In the last pic I swear I recognized some of Leta.
20. Meredith Quick said:
I am embarrassed with you. Not that you did anything that required crawling into a hole. But I would have wanted to crawl in a hole too.
It's like watching an episode of The Office. Sometimes you're so uncomfortable, you just have to leave the room.
21. Lisa said:
The dude who played bass on Frampton Comes Alive...Stanley Sheldon...is currently teaching my oldest son to play bass here in Kansas. I was all kinds of excited...Frampton was my first rock and roll crush. My first concert when I was like 14...a Summer Jam spectacular with Styx and Steve Miller Band!
22. Serial said:
Who loves the internet? Frampton loves the internet.
23. Sarah said:
Love how his twitter is all, "yeah I spoke with dooce!" when in reality there was no conversation between the two of you. Or... does complimenting your child count? I don't know how that stuff works with mothers and their babies. :)
24. Vicki said:
You totally interrupted Frampton while he was editing a track for his new CD!!!!
Fantastic!
25. Suzy said:
My idol was Lucille Ball and once me and my bf got into an elevator at the Milton Berle roast in NY and she and her husband Gary were in there alone. MY BOYFRIEND'S NAME WAS GARY. I was having multiple strokes until MY Gary, or BAD Gary, hissed in my ear "Don't bother her, you know how many people bother her? Would YOU want to be bothered that much?"
And in my head I'm saying "Yes, because I hate you, Bad Gary."
I never talked to her.
26. Snarkmeister said:
Not five minutes after I read this, Baby I Love Your Way came on the XM radio channel I was listening to. True story.
27. Tehmi said:
Thank you so much for the making yourself look like a douchebag moment, I followed it faithfully on twitter.
Love it!
28. nancy@ifevolutionworks.com said:
Does her mother not know how to change one? Guess it makes for rating points when it's done on tv.
29. Jennine said:
Peter who?
30. Kristan said:
I'm sorry to Jon, because I also don't know Frampton outside of "Baby I love your way," BUT HOLY COW MARLO IS SO CUTE WITH THAT SIGN! That's got to be better than Frampton holding it. That's got to be worth AT LEAST half a lifetime of free t-shirts!
31. MustangSally said:
This may finally be the story that gets me on twitter. So long as I don't have to sign up for facebook to do it. Ten bucks there will be a new song with "Marlo" in the title coming soon...
32. Jill Put Up A Blog said:
How cool is that? I would be freaking out too. What a crazy story.
33. Camian said:
I desperately want to know what John was saying while flailing around playing air guitar....
34. brandy said:
This post made me feel anxious. I was half expecting Frampton to end up with poop on him somehow.
The recaptcha words are "the blunt"!
35. Jennifer M. said:
Best. Blog post. EVAHHHHH!!!
36. Kit said:
Your life is so deliciously fucked up! And I mean that in the most complimentary of ways.
37. Jennifer said:
Awesome! But I'm just as thrilled about you on the Bonnie Hunt show. I'm such a nerd, but I love her! ("Aaand we're walking...").
38. Katie said:
THAT IS SO FUCKING AWESOME. Your children are adorable... and I just wanted to say, I have had a huge urge to take your face between my hands and give you the biggest kiss ever because I learned your glow-y photo trick the day I started putting together my wedding album. THANK YOU! You are great.
39. Chriss said:
I rolled when I saw your twitter post about Frampton looking at his twitter page. I just knew it was going to go somewhere fun from there.
And I love Frampton but doesn't he realize YOU ARE #26, my bitch?
xoxo
40. Adriana of AZ said:
So, aside from having famous parents, Littel Marlo gets to say that Peter Frampton said she is beautiful AND she also gets to say that a Kardashian changed her diaper (if I understood that correctly)...Lucky gal.
41. tracy said:
You would be my Frampton. I would totally have had to work up the nerve to speak to you and OH GOD THE HORROR of actually asking you for a photo, and I surely would have died a slow & very painful death if you denied me.
Lucky for me, when I did meet you, it was at a venue where it was perfectly acceptable to speak to you (Powell's) and even then I was literally shaking in my shoes. I asked you for a hug & you were gracious enough to oblige, although I think I might have leaned in before you had a chance to say okay. Wouldn't THAT have been embarrassing if you said no. You even said, twice I think, that my baby was cute.
I flew in from Alaska for your signing and almost vomited when they made the announcement that the reading was at capacity & I wouldn't get in. I waited in line for the signing & met some really fabulous people in the meantime. Thank you for being so amazing in person. To tell you face-to-face that you saved my life was....priceless. Something I will never forget. I don't know how, but if I could ever repay the favor....
42. Jessie said:
So funny! Great story. :)
43. Jessica said:
"God fucks with you through Frampton."
My new favorite sentence.
44. Joseph said:
What a great story to be able to tell. I'll be seeing Oooh Baby all day long now. You two rock.
That image at the end is priceless.
45. Rita T. said:
So Awesome!
46. Anonymous said:
Holy SHIT that story was fucking AWESOME!
47. Margie said:
Marlo definately is starting to look like her big sister. . only the eyes are different color . . you two make beautiful babies. .
48. Peggy said:
I love you.... nuff said!
49. Brooke said:
Frampton is right. She is absolutely beautiful! I happened to be on twitter last night and saw your "tweets". So funny. I totally would have been hiding in the corner with you, sweating profusely from embarrassment.
50. Shelly said:
OMG......I seriously think that Peter Frampton is the reason I have a penchant for young, slender men with LONG ASS hair.
Oh, yes, ladies. I am from the 80's, and also had a thing for Michael Bolton.
Oh, yea. Peter Frampton.
FRAMPTON LIVE!!!!
sorry.......I get so little excitement in my life!!
51. vakadesign said:
Peter Frampton doesn't follow me on twitter, either.
Too, too funny, Dooce!
If you got a picture of Khloe Kardashian holding Mike's sign he'd get you the tshirts?
52. Maggie May said:
The Kardashian's are a guilty pleasure for me. I love the way their family is so careless physically with each other, that's how my husband and three kids are too...um...weird, basically. Slapping each other's butts ( my daughter Lola calls her butt her Buttina, as in 'butt-eye-na' and her girlie parts her Lavina ) laying on top each other, flashing each other, etc.
Of course, now that my boys are older the flashing thing- not so much.
53. Anonymous said:
so lame
54. Lacrema said:
OK, two things: One, I hope that you really are using Marlo as a live prop, and she has the leakiest, nastiest, poopspolsion diaper for K to change. Two, the whole silent scream thing? Needs to be accompanied by flares to work, and if it's a husband you're trying to communicate with, it's only effective if accompanied by an amazing play on ESPN (or, for Jon, I guess, some sort of Steve Jobs breaking news-press conference).
55. Rachel said:
Wow, Peter was right, that is one beautiful baby!
56. suzi said:
Hilarious. You should definitely counter with Kourtney Kardashian holding the Mike sign. That's at LEAST worth a 10% coupon code, dontcha think, Mike?
57. Jen said:
The best part of following you on Twitter is that you always blog the whole story! I was laughing so hard when you said SHHH and totally excited to know what happened!
58. fosterhood said:
OMG- I've GOT to get on Twitter.
Way fucking cool.
59. Miss Thystle said:
Victorias Secret makes nursing bras. I'm not even kidding.
60. becky said:
I refreshed your page 100 times waiting to find out the whole story to your tweets. You never fail. Keep rockin!
61. Rebecca said:
Wait! The Frampton story blocked out the Kardashian ass wiping for a bit, my whole head is spinning! Now I have to get Twitter AND TIVO.
62. PoochMom said:
This is coming from someone who is half-Armenian herself - you might need to teach Kourtney to double-up one baby wipes, since the Armenian ass isn't like other white asses.
63. Abby said:
My brother, a 19 year-old college sophomore, would have been just ask excited as you and Jon. It isn't about being a certain age, it is about good taste in music! My brother has had Peter Frampton cds since he was about 8.
P.S. Marlo is SO cute!
64. amie said:
I have been a terrible crank all day, but this just made me laugh out loud. Thank you! I actually spit my drink out!
65. nicoleballet said:
::inserts excessive Wayne's World quotes here::
66. Kelsey said:
As an avid follower of your tweets, I am so pumped to finally hear the end of this story! And like brandy, #34, was slightly afraid that somehow Frampton would end up with poop on him! And the explanation of Jon looking like he has Kramer hair...Almost sprayed Diet Coke all over my computer.
Thanks for brightening my day!
67. Katy said:
That is GLORIOUS!
68. Christine said:
How cool is that! I love Peter Frampton!
69. Anonymous said:
Bwahahaha.. One of my favs. I love that you're not afraid to show us all your dorky, completely-human side. I was literally laughing aloud at my desk. My co-workers have yet to figure out what 'Dooce' is.. they just know that's what I'm doing when I'm chuckling.
BTW.. Frampton rocks. And y'all were totally caught. You KNOW he went back and read the whole twitter thread. NICE.
70. luv & kiwi said:
i would have died but MAN do you have a kick arse hubby for saving the day...i mean it takes the sting away a bit, don't ya think?
i will now and forever rationalize a celebrity's shun with "oh they must be working on their current cd" because of your delightful story.
thank YOU!
71. Nancy in MN said:
Almost as exciting as meeting Donnie Osmond!!
72. Rita T. said:
DUUUUUUUUUDE!
Peter Frampton is now, not only following you on Twitter he is replying to you!!!
Even more Awesomer (I know that's not a word, but it should be)!
73. angheiz said:
Dooce, let me blow your mind for one moment:
PETER FRAMPTON LIVES 20 MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE.
Are you still upright? It's the most awesome thing ever. Frampton plays with the local orchestra every fall. Frampton gives concerts constantly. FRAMPTON TAKES HIS DAUGHTER MIA TO THE DOCTOR, AND I WORKED THERE.
I, however, had no nerve, and completely pretended as if I didn't know who he was. I'm sure he could tell, based on the sweaty pits and lack of bladder control.
74. Hokie Deb said:
-->That was a great story. I saw a few of your tweets about Frampton but missed that you were on the plane with him.
I have been there too when asking celebrities for their autograph or picture but luckily they all agreed to me before I whipped out a sharp object and started to threaten them. ha!
75. Sarah said:
The Peter Frampton conclusion to the story: fantastic.
The Marlo conclusion to the story: even more so.
76. missy. said:
yes. i love this. you guys are awesome.
77. Brat said:
OMG, I was cringing with you there, Dooce, but OMG, I was laughing so hard, too!
78. barbalute said:
AAAAAAAAAggggg...oh my word, I just snorted diet Coke with lime up my nose when I saw that picture of Marlo and that sign. Frampton rocks and so do you! Heeelarious.
79. Anonymous said:
Where is Leta in all of this? She's beautiful tooooo.
80. Christine Marie said:
How in the hell did you recognize him???? I never would have known that was the golden hottie from my youth.
81. William said:
7-11 is now putting together a new flavor of Big Gulp.
The Big DULP- Dooce's Upper Lip Perspiration. It will sell millions.
82. Erika said:
Awesome.
83. jantzie said:
As one Jeff Albertson might agree, "Best. Post. Ever."
84. Nhiro said:
Dude, did you just about die? Awesome story. I saw Joan Rivers the last time I landed in LAX and I kept thinking that if I even so much as looked in her direction, she would tell me my outfit was awful and that I needed a makeover pronto.
85. K Van D said:
oh baby, look at you now!
86. Linnnn said:
"...the stars are out and shining, but all I really want to know, oh won't you show me the way, every day..." The total tsunami of memories Peter conjures up. "I wonder if I'm dreaming, I feel so unashamed..."
87. OhComeOnHeather said:
Peter Frampton? awesome story.
but DUDE! Kourtney Kardashian?!? Can you sell-out any more than that? That totally sucks. I know half the people who read this probably don't know who that is because she's a nobody - famous for being famous. Jesus. I hope it's worth the money. She's not even your friend! or your friend of a friend! or your friend of a friend of a friend who needs your help because you're obviously the only person she doesn't know who can successfully PUT ON A DIAPER. #26 shouldn't be stooping to the bowels of the "D List" for a some (really crappy) fucking publicity. And don't lay out that 'we need the money' bullshit either. Nobody needs money THAT badly.
88. Figtron said:
Tell Jon I did the exact same thing when my two older brothers brought home "Frampton Comes Alive". I was seven. It was like crack on vinyl.
Tell him I understand his indescribable need to mimic said idol's motions. I would have done the same thing, only much less elegantly. I would have been screaming unintelligibly in some dead language, and thrashing my hair while throwing DOUBLE devil signs.
Classic.
89. r0ckaby3 said:
Two completely unrelated comments: Don't you love the snuzzler? Best baby invention since our first son was born in 2005. Secondly, DS #2 is the same age as Marlo, and we were having the amazing crap blowouts until I started using pocket cloth diapers. I know, crazy. Putting poo in my washer only once every other day is way better than doing it 10 times a day.
90. julie said:
G-d, you make me laugh.
Thank you.
91. Katya said:
That just cracked me up. I was wondering what had happened with Peter Frampton. I'm sorry you didn't get the picture.
rock on,
I would do the same thing to you if I saw you on a plane. Just letting you know. be prepared.
92. Katya said:
That just cracked me up. I was wondering what had happened with Peter Frampton. I'm sorry you didn't get the picture.
rock on,
I would do the same thing to you if I saw you on a plane. Just letting you know. be prepared.
93. Sarah said:
Great story! Marlo is gorgeous - whenever you post pictures I shamelessly send my husband the links and ask him how he could possibly tell me he doesn't want kids yet. And now that Peter Frampton has recognized that, maybe that will be his turning point. Here's to hoping.
Amazing how ridiculous we all become when talking to celebrities, or even quasi-celebrities of whom we personally are massive fans. I had a moment like that when I met David Sedaris, probably my all-time favorite author. My husband still teases me about how dumb I was.
94. leesavee said:
OH MY GOD -- PETER FRAMPTON TWEETED YOU!!!!!!!
That is too cool for words. That is even more impressive than #26.
95. Amy J. said:
AND THAT MY DEAR FRIENDS IS WHY I PAY THE PRICE FOR ADMISSION to this here blog! (So way better than that weird guy email from last week that still creeps me out when I think of it).
That was absolutely, hugely, terrificly funny as hell Heather! I had tears rollin' imagining you turning white as a ghost as Frampton told you not now, LOL. You've got guts woman (and all for some silly tshirts too...ok, they're cool, so I don't blame you).
And your lovely dorky husband. Did he get an autograph or will the tweet suffice? GO PRINT IT OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!! Frame it...too cool to have up in your office.
And I was following it all on Twitter, which makes it even better. Have a safe flight home. First Rick Springfield (which I have no clue how you managed to hold yourself back from) and now this. Your brushes with greatness just keep a comin'.
Btw, these have to be the best two sentences you've ever written:
"Turns out God doesn't just like to fuck with you through your appliances. He likes to fuck with you through Frampton."
96. julie said:
And now he's following you guys on Twitter.
Your reach continues to astound me.
Yay, you.
97. Maggie said:
hehe. I am a new reader of yours (appx: 2 months, although I creepily read most of your archives while drinking a bottle of wine in bed one Saturday morning with my two furry children, think dogs, laughing out loud). I was in a different Western city this weekend, but I can imagine that I might have been just as excited to have seen your family in the airport. However, after your incidents, I think I am thankful that this did not occur - I say this because you have bruises on your head from poking a pen in it and I don't. Thanks for the daily laughter!
98. gina said:
Have I mentioned today how jealous I am of you? You got to meet Bonnie Hunt ! I loved her in "Return to Me".
99. Belly Girl said:
I find the Bonnie Hunt thing SO WEIRD. The producers are sitting around trying to think of a great segment and someone is all "We should teach that knocked up Kardashian girl how to change a diaper!! But who should do it???" The whole thing just seems so.....awkward! And, are they going to have you do it on an actual baby? An actual baby who NEEDS their diaper changed? And where will they find this baby? And how long will they have been in the status of needing their diaper changed prior to your segment???
100. Lauri said:
Oh my god - you are toooo funny - I would never have the nerve to talk to him, much less go on like nothing happened if he rejected me - you are truly gifted - and I agree with Frampton - she's a beautiful baby...
101. Meredith said:
Awesome. Well, at least he twittered that he was legitimately busy on the flight -- and actually meant the "maybe later" part. Pretty cool deal.
102. Mrs. Wilson said:
That is AWESOME. So awesome. My husband looked at me with his "you are such a nerd I can't believe you're laughing out loud at A BLOG POST" look as I read and LAUGHED OUT LOUD AT A BLOG POST.
Thank you for making my day. And, I'm pretty sure that photo of your little Marlo holding that napkin is WAY cuter than a photo of Peter Frampton holding it.
103. Kelley Butler said:
Dude. The only cool celeb moment I have ever had was when I saw Tammy Faye Baker at the Cheesecake Factory in Charlotte, NC. That was like, 5 years ago and I'm still talking about it. You are much, MUCH cooler than me, despite the fact that Frampton shooed you away.
104. Andrea said:
I'm crying from laughing so hard. Thanks for making the remaining 56 minutes of my work day more bearable.
105. amymarie said:
No fucking way.
106. Erika said:
That sounds so cool! That is better than the picture to me. Internet proof that you and Jon are the coolest! And that Marlo is beautiful!
107. jordan said:
fucking BRILLIANT post!!!
108. wheezer345 said:
WOW! Whole lota emotion in that post! Glad it turned out alright.
109. Cat said:
I wanna tell you I w
I wanna tell you I w
OOH BABY HOW I LOVE YOUR LITTLE WAYAYAYAY
So you realize you're both famous enough that Peter Frampton recognized you. Right?
110. Liza said:
Seriously I have been reading you both for years and have never felt the need to comment but I am sitting here laughing out load from this post. I can picture it exactly as it happened. Brilliant, just brilliant. And he is right - Marlo is gorgeous.
111. mar said:
That story is just laugh out loud funny. Too bad I'm at work or I would have laughed out loud even louder.
And it is just so cool that you got to meet Frampton and then he tweets about you.
112. Katie Kat said:
OH MY GOD HEATHER! I know I sound like a broken record (hopefully not a Frampton!), but this is one of your best entries! I have done the same thing, but it involved James Brolin of Marcus Welby, M.D. fame at a celeb tennis tournament. I was about 10 years old and SO IN LOVE with TV's Dr. Steven Kiley - tall, dark, handsome life saver and there he was... right in front of me in white tennis shorts, sporting a perfect tan and that super suave hair... but when I asked for his autograph, he said "Not right now." I was CRUSHED and never forgot how he shunned me that day. I think it's why I never dated and didn't get married until I was 38.
Anyway... back to the moment. Thank you for giving me the image of Jon dancing at the baggage claim in front of Peter Frampton. I needed a good laugh today!
113. Jenny said:
Of course I know who Peter Frampton is, but who is Kourtney Kardashian?
114. LacubriousOne said:
Framptom? FRAMPTOM?!?!?! OMG...WTF...BBQ...One time I saw Illinois Representative Paul Simon at the STL airport...yeah...that was my brush with the famous...yep a politician...not even from my own state...argggggggggh!
You are so brave and funny and neurotic! I just love your writing! FOLLOW!
115. Mary@Holy Mackerel said:
I had such a crush on Frampton. Oh my god.
116. JBird said:
Niiiiiiiiiiiiice. Very nice, you lucky devil. My GOD Marlo is beautiful. The cuteness is overwhelming!!! Is this why mothers turn to mush and act irrational? Because those big eyes look at you and you melt into a pool of muck?
117. MM3 said:
Fall-down funny story.
BUT, more importantly. Marlo looks so much like Leta in that photo it's nearly redonkulous.
118. Jen M said:
"Teach Kourtney Kardashian how to change a diaper..."
Um, was this some kind of high-tech diaper? Cloth? At least something with special, tricky velcro?
Seriously, I know it's a problem that many new parents have never held a newborn before going home with their first child these days. But other than the front-to-back / back-to-front thing, how much teaching does this activity require? Changing diapers was about the only thing I felt confident in when we took our daughter home.
119. Sprite's Keeper said:
If Mike doesn't give you the lifetime supply, he at LEAST owes Marlo!
120. the doggy mommy said:
Ok I was ROFLMAO with chest-bumping Danny DeVito, he would totally do it! But getting Martha Stewart to hold your gum, I double dog dare you!
As for Peter Frampton, so fucking awesome!!!!!!! What a great story. Thank you!
P.S. Now you know how it feels to get noticed on Twitter by someone you admire. *wink*
121. Sheri said:
Great post.
Frampton story hilarious....
Marlo ending....PRICELESS. I wasn't expecting it and laughed out loud...at work.
Your girls and THOSE EYES. I just can't get over them.
122. Andrew Odom said:
I have read your blog for what seems like my entire adult life although I am probably only teasing myself with the thoughts of youth. I have been reading for probably right at two years. I don't think I have ever written a comment until today.
Thank you for this post. It was funny, poignant, tragic, epic and downright brilliant. I think we have all had some sort of celebrity encounter of some sort - be it large or small - but few of us are able to capture the awkwardness, ridiculousness and even mortification of it the way you did.
After finishing the last word and laughing outloud several times I have decided that it was Frampton who met the real celebrity. With parents like you two, what child is NOT destined to star status (heck, Kathy Griffin got a show didn't she?)!
123. Lindsey said:
My coworker just goes "Now I have to Google Peter Frampton because I don't know who that is." It made me laugh.
I LOVE the picture of Marlo, too cute!
124. Erin Smith said:
Great story - but what I really must know is what kind of carseat do you have Marlo in? She totally looks like she doesn't hate it and my 4 month old haaaaaaates his. Please, do tell.
125. Anonymous said:
OMG that story is the best!!! It made me think back to high school when I first heard Frampton Come's Alive, I love that album. And the Talk Box?? I can't believe he is coming out with a new CD.
126. Scott M said:
Very cool story. Had to go hunt him down on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7rFYbMhcG8
I, too, am old enough to remember what MONSTER hit that album was. Seriously gigantor.
Some other thoughts:
1) Look how skinny he was
2) Look at how much hair he had
3) Look how much he resembles Toni Collette!
:-)
127. Catherine said:
Heather I think you and Jon rock and should I ever run into you at the airport I will totally be the one hiding behind a column with the husband being all like, "don't bother her, who is she anyway" and I will be forced to slap him.
128. Anonymous said:
You are awesome everyday, but this entry might be my favorite ever.
129. Shanna said:
I can't tell you how many times my sister and I begged our Dad to play the "talking guitar" song AGAIN.....We LOVED that album, we loved Peter Frampton. I secretly (or maybe not so secretly) wanted to marry him.
Marlo is beautiful...those eyes!
130. MotherProof said:
If you were in any doubt before, it is now official. YOU HAVE MADE IT. Peter Frampton *hearts* your baby.
131. Jenna Jean said:
Please get Kourtney to hold up a "I hate Kim's boring ass sex tape." sign.
132. Becca said:
HA! no way! He rocks for responding on twitter!
133. kate said:
I love your life. Talk about surreal.
134. KRAZYKRIS71 said:
That is one of the coolest and craziest stories you've posted in a long time. Needless to say, Marlo looks just like her big sister. She is beautiful!!!!
As for Jon, I hope he manages to come off his cloud sometime before the next century. I guess Marlo will always be the golden child now that she's been Framptonized...poor Leta:(
135. Paty Bortolotto said:
I just laughed my ass off. Thank you so much for sharing this.
That is priceless! Who wouldn't be insanely jealous of you right now?
And gotta love Marlo in tha pic. =D
136. Alyxherself said:
Whoa.
137. cookingschoolconfidential.com said:
I'm the other half. The half that does NOT have to Google Peter Frampton.
I'm deducting years off my age as of ... now.
Cheers!
138. delia said:
my mom dragged me to the junior high school one year because Peter Frampton was there practicing for a concert he was giving that night. I still have his autograph, even though I had no idea who he was at the ripe old age of 8
139. Amber Star said:
OMG....that was one of your best posts ever! It was pure gold and to think it all happened to you! I just set my tivo for all of Bonnie Hunt's shows for like until you are on it. The guide did say Kim Kardashian, I think it was that one, would be on there, but not your name. I gotta get this show.
And Peter Frampton is a great guy to notice how beautiful Marlo is, too.
140. Jana said:
HYSTERICALLY AWESOME! We love Jon's way...
141. Kendall said:
Marlo is the cutest EVER.
142. mediumcrazy said:
This is a post for the "Best of Dooce" retrospective that will someday exist. Thank you for ending my work day with this.
143. robyn said:
SHUT. UP. Your life is crazy!!
144. Jen Tullis said:
Thanks Heather and Jon, I can turn off my computer with a giggle! What a great post!
Jen
145. Vee said:
That story is surreal. I've never met anyone famous on a plane though I always hope to. I'm not sure I'd have recognized Frampton anyway. I would have recognized you, however. Somewhere out there, while you were in Frampton agony, someone was tweeting OMG DOOCE IS ON MY PLANE. Cause you're #26.
146. AnomAli said:
I love Frampton stories! I have one too! Long story short: I am 25ish and live in Cincinnati, which is also where Peter Frampton lives. (Unexpected, yes no?) Anywho, I used to be a server and he came in to the restaurant I worked at from time to time. He came in one afternoon not too long after I started working there and I almost had a nervous breakdown because he was SITTING IN MY SECTION! I immediately ran back to the kitchen and yelled to everyone in the vicinity "PETER EFFING FRAMPTON IS AT MY TABLE! WHAT DO I DO?!" And they all look at me like I'm crazy, because #1-they've all seen him there before and #2-obviously none of them were raised by fathers who cared as much about their rock n roll education as mine did. SO I took his lunch order without gushing about how much I loved him and he was incredibly nice and even signed an autograph for my Dad. Also- reeeaalllyy good tipper. It turns out that some rock legends are also just really nice people. Rock on Frampton! Rock on Dooce!
147. Ms. Missteps said:
Pretty much the raddest story I’ve ever heard. And I do mean rad.
148. Stephanie said:
Omg that's so awesome. Almost as good as the one time Usher ignored me while we were on the same flight (Vegas to LA).
Although - to be fair...I didn't have the guts to go up to him and say "hi I love your abs" (although that's what I was thinking)
149. freckletree. said:
Rike I dooowwww?
150. Sara said:
Honestly Dooce, what is your problem? After last weeks, fiasco, I might have thought you would have learned some manners! Interrupting Peter Frampton with your "blurb"ering "Dooce"ry! ...unfollow
Just Kidding! You rock (and Peter Frampton knows it-maybe he will even write a song for you?)
On a serious note-I think you should give Marlo some prunes and let that ridiculously average Kardashian change one of Marlo's amazing diapers!
151. Emmaline said:
Dude. I'm 22 and I know who Peter Frampton is. There's really no excuse for living life without belting out 'Baby, I Love Your Way' at least once, hahah.
152. Kristin said:
This has to be one of the funniest posts you've ever written. Thanks for that laugh!
153. the niffer said:
Awesome story.
154. Kelsey said:
Aww! I actually cringed when I read that he rejected you. My worst nightmare. You should have sent Marlo over to get the picture.
155. Meredith said:
I must be old. I had to google Kourtney Kardashian...I must be really damn old. I DO know who Peter Frampton is, though! Thanks for the laugh!
156. d3 voiceworks said:
no. fucking. way.
that is hilarious. WAY better than the salon story.
jackson 4! lurv it!
157. Lizzie said:
a most excellent story!
158. Sue said:
Armstrongs, you rock!
159. Lily said:
Marlo is beautiful!
I was never a big fan of Frampton until just by chance I saw him perform the opening act for Jethro Tull last Summer at Jones Beach on Long Island. He was Amazing!
that was a great story Heather.
If you'd like to check the post about Frampton out, it's right here
160. Rissa said:
GORGEOUS* baby! I was excited for you that entire post, I read it as fast as I could until the "DUUUUUUUUUUDE LOOOOOOOOOOK" part. :)
And Kourtney Kardashian should just have her mother show her how to change a diaper. With an ass like Kim's, I'm sure she's got all the experience needed to wipe 4 babies' asses at once!
161. Anonymous said:
Oh Heather thank you for always giving me a lift and a chuckle during my 11-hour work days.
162. Samantha said:
shuuuuut the fuuuuuck upppppp! best story ever.
163. Amy J said:
That is freaking fabulous!!!! BTW that is exactly how I felt (sweaty upper lip) when I met you at your book signing!!
164. cat said:
I don't think I know anyone who leads such an "ordinary life" in such extraordinary ways. How does that work????
165. marianne said:
OMG I am totally elated that your story had such an amazingly bad ass ending. I once tried to bust a joke out on David Sedaris while he was signing a book for me. DAVID FUCKING SEDARIS. He didn't even smile politely. I'm still stabbing myself in the head with that pen.
166. Kyla said:
I LOVE PETER FRAMPTON! I'm a 26 yr old girl who has listened to him for over 12 years.
And now I am jealous of your Peter Frampton story and wish I had one of my own. Love how awkward it was and how awesome he is.
Funny story. cute baby.
167. Susan said:
Most awesome story ever. Period.
168. mommica said:
I can't believe God fucked with you through Frampton. That's shady.
169. Karen said:
Marlo is beyond adorable so keep posting pictures.. and a side-by-side of her and Leta at her age (I think they look a lot alike with those eyes my goodness)
Congrats on the Tweet from P.Fram, that is excellent!
170. Kasey @ All Things Mamma said:
OMG! I would have died! Especially when Marlo pooped! I would have never been able to walk by Frampton with a stinky, drippy baby and then have to come out all hot and miserable from the the bathroom! LOL! Good call on making your husband do it!
Make sure to print a copy of this post to stick in Marlo's baby book. It's a keeper for sure!
171. Bella said:
Love the story! I can't imagine the embarrassment of being told no to a photo! I bet if you would have explained the circumstances he would have understood. There are few things greater in this world than receiving free t-shirts.
Even Peter Freaking Frampton knows that.
172. Kelsey said:
God's not fucking with you through Frampton-
He's trying to tell you to continue to PROCREATE!
More Armstrong Babies!!!
173. Bea said:
SHE'S GOT LEGS! Holy crap, that girl has got spider legs. Absolutely gorgeous. And I agree with #172, the Armstrongs need to keep procreating--you produce beautiful girls!
174. Susanne said:
Am I the only one who had to google Kourtney Kardashian?
175. Victoria said:
OK, that's it. You are the funniest person writing and posting photos on the internet.
And I don't even LIKE Peter Frampton.
But I do like your baby pictures.
176. Valeri said:
Dooooooooode! I LOVE BONNIE HUNT. I'm more excited about that than this Frampton nonsense. Take pictures with her! Hug her for me! Tell her that episode of her show with David Duchovny was so funny I cried laughing.
177. MissCaron said:
OMG. Frampton. 'Nuff said.
P.S. Can't believe he's following you on twitter now ... surreal.
178. Betsy said:
Quite simply, this is the best celebrity story ever. Ending the entry with Marlo holding the sign was pure comic genius.
179. Laura said:
That is the single greatest post ever. Really... EVER!
180. grace said:
GEEEEEEEEET. OUUUUUUUUUUUT!!
Out of all the awesome that you are, Heather, that is probably the awesommest yet.
181. Dene' said:
I, too, feel your pain. A few years ago in LA during Oscar week, I spotted paparazzi gathered outside a shop and inquired as to who they were stalking. Apparently SIR Elton John was inside, and because they were STALKERS and I was not, they asked (begged) me to go inside and get a picture with him. With adrenaline rushing, I went in, spotted him, and casually walked toward him, stopping next to him and trying NOT to look like a crazy fan. I mustered up the courage and simply asked him if I could get a photo with him. Without looking up he said in a quite rude tone, "Don't TALK to me!" I was embarrassed and mortified, but later realized SIR ELTON JOHN blew me off - it doesn't get much better than that!
182. LindzML said:
...that's awesome, you have got to show Marlo this post once she's old enough to understand just how incredible that was. Also, so she can have a cool story to tell her friends every time they ask why her Dad is playing that weird music while they drive to the mall.
183. Molly said:
Well, I got to spend my day fighting with the administration at my school because they would not let us show the Obama speech to our kids. Peter Fucking Frampton. Everyday you make me hate my life a little more. And that is one gorgeous baby...actually TWO gorgeous babies!
184. Meredith said:
Maytag, The White House, and Peter Frampton..gosh who's next in line!
This blog makes me smile! Thanks for that!
185. Kristie said:
My favorite post you've ever written. So good.
I felt like I was there hiding near the baggage claim with you (because I would be doing exactly that).
186. SAHM: Surviving Assorted Home Mayhem said:
What a fun story that was! About my only "meet someone famous" moment was during my career as a Professional Organizer when I met Don Aslett, cleaning extraordinaire, in Utah. Yeah, that's a hard one to top, I know.
187. Bush Babe of Granite Glen said:
I am thinking Peter Frampton's popularity just sky-rocketed. In a weird kind of famous-in-your-world versus famous-in-their-world kinda way...
Great story - told as only Dooce could tell it!!! Baby, I DO love your way (with words). And I bet PF is cringing that he dissed you in the plane...
:-)
BB
188. zenmomma said:
Very cool. ALMOST as cool as the time I asked Tim Booth of the group James to sign my 15 year old daughter. He did. it was awesome.
189. Steph TN said:
fuck who doesnt know who frampton is....thats what i want to know.....what sad sad individual has gone through life without knowing if they feel like he feels??? and oo baby i love your way (everyday) =) you guys should have totally done an air guitar rock out session on the plane.
(and im only 24 ffs....i still cant get over who wouldnt know him. lol)
and you should write that in marlos baby book...sept 2009 you were called beautiful by peter fuckin frampton.
190. loribeth said:
This is hilarious -- & I am insanely jealous!! I had a huge Peter Frampton poster on my dorm room wall in university.
191. Grizzly Kitteh said:
That is soooo epic! I wasn't even alive during Frampton's hayday, but I think he's the awesomest thing since sliced bread. When I was about 10 I asked my mom what LPs were since her collection was in the living room, so she put Frampton Comes Alive on the record player and told me I had to start with that one (followed by Dire Strait's Brothers in Arms).
192. saturdayjane said:
Ha! Oh, Peter Frampton is a great sport. And so are you! I'm familiar with the 'melting into a puddle' feeling in front of anyone with any worldly clout.
By the way, your baby's beautiful eyes constantly look like they're about to shoot lasers, all X-men style. They're that intense.
193. MamaLana said:
Who is Kourtney Kardashian? Really.
194. Lisa said:
My favorite post yet. Sleep deprivation enhances your writing.
195. Lisa said:
Hmmmm....I'm afraid I didn't get past WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY? Me? I taught 26 six and seven year old first graders. Oh before that...on Labor Day weekend...I delivered my baby girl (the last of four baby girls) to college in Chicago. Poopy diapers do evolve into other things eventually.
196. Sarah said:
Don't let your celebrity go to your head! Peter Frampton, Bonnie Hunt and Kourtney Kardashian all in the same weekend. It might be too much!!
197. Lisa said:
Duuuuuuuuuude. No. Fucking. Way!
198. Theresa said:
Totally awesome. A story for the ages.
199. Chutney said:
Best. Story. Ever!
And here I thought you were going to end with, "and we re-named our dear, sweet, BEAUTIFUL Marlo... Frampton."
200. kym b said:
awe. some.
totally queued up 'frampton comes alive' in my itunes right when you started the story. definitely added an extra touch.
201. Carly said:
Great story. And I LOVE that you call him Peter Fucking Frampton. High Fidelity rawks!!
202. Anonymous said:
Seriously, that was the greatest story ever! So glad I didn't UNFOLLOW!
203. Gretchen said:
"Turns out God doesn't just like to fuck with you through your appliances. He likes to fuck with you through Frampton." -Heather Armstrong
Print that. Put it on a refrigerator magnet. Affix photo of sweet baby hating Mike Monteiro to refrigerator with said magnet. Take photo. Post on Daily Photo.
There. I took care of your next post for you.
204. Meredith said:
I am going to need therapy after reading this. So awesomely awesome. My kids are so mad at me for sitting here laughing out loud at my computer. Nothing this exciting ever happens to me when I travel.
205. Mary said:
You need to get a Bravado nursing bra. BEST NURSING BRA EVER. It may possibly change your life, no kidding.
206. islaygirl said:
Heather, that was definitely in your Top Ten of Best Posts Ever That Didn't Make Me Cry. When they hand out awards (whoever They are), you're getting one for that post.
(and comment 205 about the bravados? eh, not so much. it's a personal thing, no offense to mary. maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't want to be wrapped in a glorified sports bra with twice the fabric and four times the stretch. but that was just me.)
207. Meghan said:
HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT MEATLOAF THAT WAY!!!
*unfollow
In the meantime, that is supremely cool. You guys win at life.
208. MIchelle said:
Goosebumps. What a wonderful story.
209. M. Butterfly said:
This whole post is fucking amazing.
210. Anonymous said:
You do realize Marlo looks EXACTLY like Leta right?
211. Big Dog Mom Pam said:
Wow. Frampton. On the same plane. Then twittering about you. How very cool. Oh, and yes, everyone does live in Ohio. Go Bucks!!
212. Jeanne said:
That's a fantastic story and a great read.
And Frampton is correct, Marlo is beautiful.
Cheers.
213. Kristina said:
Shut up!! Peter f**kin Frampton!!
No words!
214. Paulla said:
OMG, I laughed so hard at this post. Such a great story - thanks for sharing! LOL.
PS - Marlo IS beautiful! Peter Frampton knows his stuff. :)
215. Cadence said:
Seriously, you have the best stories. I mean, I know it's your thing and all but jeez, you're putting the rest of us to shame. Cheers!
216. Hissyfit said:
That is the most awesome story ever! My boyfriend recommends you start every celebrity encounter by saying "My million-plus followers on Twitter would be interested in _______" because you probably have about 10X the followers they do.
217. Amanda said:
Awesome story! I always enjoy reading your site because you have quite a way with words.
218. Karen said:
Is Peter following you on Twitter now? Really, the dude would be a fool not to. (And that photo of Marlo should be worth a t-shirt or two if you ask me...)
219. Anonymous said:
Helpful hint regarding the baby and explosive poop:
Put TWO diapers on her. That'll contain everything.
220. Natalie said:
I'm fairly certain I just peed my pants reading this. Gah Lori Us!
221. elismsue said:
OMG...Frampton..good...memorable....
Mesmerizing, beautiful and unbelievable deep.....are Marlo's
eyes! (referring to pic on your pic page)
Sue
222. Cran said:
My husband wants to know....does Frampton fly first class?
223. Rebecca (Ramblings by Reba) said:
Very cool. :)
Marlo is looking SO much like Leta.
224. Meg said:
no. effing. way.
frampton @ you on twitter??? insane!
still, i can't imagine frampton twittering.
225. Julie said:
But there are sexy nursing bras! Check out Bella Materna. No, I don't work for them, just a happy customer :-). bellamaterna.com
226. cattitude said:
ha, that story cracked me up; I still have tears in my eyes. lol
very cool meeting Frampton, and oh my, Marlo looks soooo much like Leta in that photo!!
so cute! :)
227. country mouse said:
And now, for the first time EVER, I actually wish I was part of Twitterworld : )
Omigod--that was *such* a good story!!! Marlo rocks.
228. cattitude said:
...and my 16 year old son is now blasting Frampton Comes Alive from his computer because I told him this story lol
:)
229. Rachel said:
I was one of those people who said, "Peter who?" I checked his Twitter and it looks like despite all that you are Twitter friends now. You may not believe this, but once he figured out who you were, I bet he was in awe of you (and all your 1M+ followers).
230. Catherine McP said:
Well that whole story is just cool..I loved that album when it came out in high school.. Ok now for the Kourtney Kardashian gig..Lordy good luck with her. I think she may be the normal of the bunch. Really I cant wait to see you on that show!
231. wundermuffin said:
wow. this might just be the best blog post in the history of the world.
232. Julie said:
I finished that story, turned to my boyfriend and said "You need to hear this." As soon as I said "Frampton" he broke into "Do you feel..." (he's 55, I think he drank the same water as Jon.)
233. Allie said:
Wait I love Frampton plugging his new cd to the Blurbodoocery crowd.
234. Andrea said:
Best. Story. Ever.
235. Angela said:
Awesome story Heather! And Marlo - what a doll!!!
236. Amber said:
Frampton vs. Dooce
How many twitter followers does he have against your 1.2 million? Let's just say he should have been making an ass out of himself to get his picture taken with you! :)
237. jean said:
Wiping the tears away from laughing so hard. Thanks for sharing.
238. Chanel said:
Seriously? I don't think Marlo could have more beautiful eyes. And that dimple? Shiiiit
239. HoboBaby said:
Sweet holy crap that is AWEsome. I nearly peed my pants in anticipation of the ending of this story. I reallllly hope you mention Peter Fucking Frampton on the Bonnie Hunt Show.
240. THE SUPER BONGO said:
One of your best posts ever!
241. Amber said:
Classic!! Looooooove Frampton!!
242. Autumn said:
Oh great post. This was a hilarious entry.
243. Wendy said:
I saw that tweet. I loved that album, but not as much as Jon. When I saw the tweet I told my friend @dooce is sitting behind Peter Frampton on an airplane. She said, "obviously Peter Frampton isn't that famous because I don't know who he is." But she knows who you are and she doesn't even have kids. Ironic isn't it?
BTW (by the way) funny post.
244. Balkan Girl, now Down Under said:
Egads!
And yay!
I'm just...trying to get my head around the awesome notion of Jon doing the air guitar/devil horns schtick before The Framp. Did he just spontaneously burst into it like they do in musicals and shit? Did he preface it with a caveat of sorts?
And, most importantly, how did it all look and what was Frampton's reaction as it all panned out? :D
...And he tweeted you guys (!), coooooooool.
(Really does NOT get any cooler than that.)
I'm reminded of The Simpsons eppie where Homer becomes Hullabalooza's main freak (heh), and we have the following awesome Frampton moments:
Tech guy: Aw, man. There goes Peter Frampton's big finale. He's gonna be pissed off.
Frampton: You're damn RIGHT I'm going to be pissed off; I bought that pig at Pink Floyd's yard sale!
...And then later he does his "Do you feel like we do, Springfield...YEAH!" & keeps on 'do-you-feel'-ing as he frantically stamps the pedal that's supposed to activate the pig.
Hee!
Said episode also has the golden quote that, although unrelated to Frampton, made me think of you:
Bart: What religion are you?
Homer: You know, the one with all the well-meaning rules that don't work out in real life. Uh...Christianity.
:D
Ain't that the truth. ;)
245. souldose.com said:
I love reading your stuff, keeps me laughing. I first saw you on Oprah which is like a year late here in South Africa. I'm loving you, you're one funny mama
246. Cathy said:
Oh my God, I was laughing so hard! I had to read it to my husband, trying not to cackle too loud and wake up my babies, while I wiped my tears! Way to go! We soooo love your way, Dooce!
247. Lori Hudson said:
Haven't laughed this much since Saturday. Thanks Dooce.
248. MyHormonesMadeMeDoIt said:
Embarrassed to say thank God you decided to blog about this because all I could think when I saw your tweets was who? I know lame.
249. Lauren From Texas said:
HOLY CRAP. RE: Marlo, since I don't know who Peter Frampton is. Is he that guy who sang with the Monkees?
250. Tricia said:
Yet another wonderful example of why I come to your site multiple times per day... I love your writing!
Also, Marlo has the most beautiful deep blue eyes I've ever seen... I wonder if they'll stay that way.
251. Rachael W said:
AMAZING.
And for the record, I'm 23 and I know who Peter Frampton is. My dad thinks his live album is the best live album ever recorded, simply because of the "talking" guitar.
252. Amethest said:
Best. Post. Ever.
253. Kristi said:
And what do you want to bet Peter Frampton gets several thousand new followers out of this encounter? I'm really glad it wasn't Ted Neugent on your plane.
And, yeah, as soon as I double-dog-dared you and hit return, I cringed. Glad you didn't do it.
254. Ashley Ann said:
Oh I so love this blog. Thank you, thank you!
255. Hope said:
Outside of baby boomer rock stations ("Playing the hits of the 60's and 70's, 24/7!"), I have not heard Peter Frampton's name in probably twenty years. And you must be WAY older than you look if YOU remember Peter Framptom.
Awesome.
256. Jan said:
This is my new favorite story. Until next time anyway. I can't stand it when my husband looks at me like I'm nuts. He just doesn't get you. It makes me love you more. HA!
257. Faith said:
OMFG! I almost peed my pants reading this. Thank you!
258. Lisa said:
I finally got past What did you do today?
Good one.
259. SpartaGirl on Twitter said:
I was SO hoping I would be able to hear the whole story!
260. Jen said:
Awesome.
If I may... my husband and I had a 'sploder as well. We coined a phrase you might find useful: fwahpoop! Short and to the point, lets the other parent know exactly what has just happened to you, and probably your shirt. Give it a try. :o)
261. Christy said:
LOL...only the two of you.
What was the conversation between Jon and Peter???
262. Michelle said:
You're not going to tell us what Jon said to Frampton between air guitar licks, are you?
263. Southern Accent said:
OMG - that is the best story I've heard in a long time. I cannot believe he Twittered about you too! How cool is that? How did he know your twitter names?
264. Jennifer said:
Wow, no one's quoted Mitch Hedberg yet? It's all I could think about as I was reading this entry:
"I did a movie with Peter Frampton. He's a musical genius, but I don't listen to his stuff. So I had to continuously try to draw attention away from the fact. "Hey Peter Frampton! Do you like toast too!? Yes, as do I, it is warm and crispy... and the perfect place for jelly to lay. Now stay the fuck away from me Frampton, I ain't got shit to say to you!"
265. Zina said:
Only when I'm commenting on Dooce do I feel like saying "FIRST!!!!!" when I'm comment #265.
(And, in correct form for "FIRST!!!!" comments, I actually have nothing to say.)
OH wait I DO have something to say. Like you, I live in Utah, and like you (until recently) I have a broken washer, and am waiting for a repair guy to come install a new pump, and after standing me up once, now he won't return my calls, AND I'M STARTING TO BELIEVE YOU GOT MY REPAIR GUY FIRED. Because where else could he be? It's not like he's off repairing other people's washers, right?
266. Erin Z said:
Jon met PF BUT he is married to number 26! He can't beat that!
267. Savanah said:
You. Bitch. :D
268. Sara said:
April, 2009. It Sucked and Then I Cried signing in Colorado. Me, rambling and idiotic. You, Peter Frampton.
I don't feel so bad now. Thanks for that post.
269. Zina said:
After reading some more, I've come back to comment again, because I'm a huge jerk and can't resist pointing out that you spelled "lightning" as "lightening" a couple of posts back. HaHAhaHa! you made a mistake, neener neener neener.
But because I also have a generous heart, (a jerk with a generous heart!) I also wanted to share, in case you hadn't yet encountered it, this wonderful clip of comedian Anjela Johnson describing getting a manicure from Vietnamese manicurists. I really think it might be worth your 4 minutes.
270. Meredith said:
Heather, this may be my favorite story from the last, oh, ten years. Thank you so much!!!
271. Michelle said:
But most importantly, did you ever see him playing Billy Shears in the movie "Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" alongside the BeeGees and George Burns? It was awful--horrific, even. But Frampton was in it and I loved Frampton. One Saturday in '78, my mom dropped off my friend and me at the old Century Theaters in SLC, where we watched it...three times in a row. It is only now, after many decades of maturity and therapy that I can openly admit to willingly viewing that flick.
272. Chad's Favorite Bridesmaid said:
I never saw Peter Frampton coming. I mean, Bonnie Hunt Show, Kourtney Kardashian, monumental blowouts...& PETER FRAMPTON?! Knocked me clean upside the head.
Most excellent of stories. Just when I think you can't be funnier, you one-up yourself.
273. Amy from Denver said:
Dude, this is totally NOT the last you'll hear from Frampton. Ten bucks says you'll be having dinner together before the last Twilight movie comes out. I bet he follows you now.
Sweet post. Thanks.
274. jeannie said:
Okay, I have a great baby/celebrity combo story.
My son was exactly two weeks old (and awfully cute and fat), and I was with my husband's aunt and uncle who were visiting from out of town and we were eating at the Boat Basin Cafe in NYC (cool place only open in summer in Riverside Park by the 79th St. Boat Basin).
Aunt says "I may be crazy, but that man over there looks an awful lot like Paul McCartney." So I lean over, and look, and say "that's because it is Paul McCartney."
When we are ready to leave, we decide to nonchalantly walk past his table to get a better look, but without actually saying anything to him, because as uber cool NYC residents, you never talk to celebrities.
So our whole entourage files out past Mr. McCartney and his date, trying to act as if we don't notice who he is. As I pass them, bringing up the rear, I can't help but glance back over my shoulder at them, and see he and his date (Heather Mills, it turns out) excitedly pointing at MY son, and turning their heads to look at him. Paul McCartney seems slightly embarassed to be caught looking and talking about my son, and our eyes meet, and he says, in an oh-so-Paul McCartney way "cuuuute baybay." I say "thanks," and move on with a straight face. We wait until we get out of earshot before all collapsing. I said "that is a couple that is baby-obsessed and wants to have a baby." (Turns out I was right.) My husband wanted to go in and ask if they would take a picture with the baby, but I said no, that would ruin everything.
I remember the day and date so clearly because it was the weekend before 9/11. I think Paul McCartney was in town that week because his daughter Stella had a show for Fashion Week.
275. Megan Beth said:
*sitting here alone, at 3AM, reading about Peter Fucking Frampton, laughing so hard wondering if they make Depends for 25 year olds*
276. Zoe Right said:
Yeah Frampton's cool but he's no Henry Rollins- JK. I never know what to do when I meet a celeb. Mostly I just drool.
277. Tanya said:
What a great story.
278. kindelfind said:
I wouldn't have recognized him... That was the best celebrity story ever!
279. tokenblogger said:
OH MY FREAKING AWESOME!
AND BONNIE HUNT? WILL YOU/DID YOU MEET HER, TOO?
280. Sean said:
okay, so I like so totally don't really care about Peter Frampton except the story is so great ... but I would pay to see you teach K. Kardashian how to change a diaper ... which I might have to do to get a DVR by then cuz I certainly won't be home ... but maybe it'll get posted online and save my day. Rooting for the poops!!!
281. Julie said:
Whether its family lore or hallucinations, the carpet in our Connecticut living room c. 1976 was bought from Peter Frampton. Need to cross check with my mom....
282. Sharon Simpson said:
That is the absolute funniest story I have ever heard!!!!!LOL I LOVE your blog and how you write about the world. I rarely comment because you get so many comments, mine would be lost in the crowd.
However, today is my 67th birthday, YES, and the date is 09/09/09!
So you just made a cool day even cooler! Thanks, Heather!!!
283. Miz Booshay said:
I love Bonnie. I imagine I will meet her some day and we will have lunch.
We're like twins.
I hope you have a fun time on the show.
To me....that takes the cake.
284. Katya said:
Ok ok, I thought of the perfect thing for you to have said to frampton:
"I'm a fucking believer, my bitch."
I think you may have gotten a photo then. Guaranteed.
See!? I even come up with the hypothetic things you should have said as I'm trying to fall asleep.
This concerns me just a little bit.
285. Charity said:
I just wanted to say how cute Marlo is and how much she looks like Leta and in turn they both look like John. I hope you don't mind that? I have 4 kids, 3 boys and a girl and they ALL look like their father. You could take a family picture with just my hubby and not even question where the mother is, it looks like he gave birth to them himself.
286. kliclift said:
This is one of those amazing stories you only get a fistful of in life. And Marlo is so flipping gorgeous.
287. Danielle said:
Another brilliantly entertaining piece of writing. I hope you are working on another book :)
288. Penny Rene said:
I was introduced to him by a friend who asked me to sit down with them at lunch one day. He was all, "Penny, Pete. Pete, Penny".
Oblivious as always, I said "So, what do you do?"
His answer?, "I play guitar."
And my friend just laaaaaaughed.
289. Anonymous said:
I love Peter Frampton - so jealous. Don't feel dumb!!! PETER FRAMPTON tweeted about you!!!
290. E2WCoastMom said:
Ooo - my belly hurts from laughing so much. That was very very funny. Thanks for sharing. I think the whole family should get T-shirts for life bc Marlo is much cuter than Peter.
291. Ashley said:
How have I never come upon this site before??
Great story of celeb-based mortification, I think we have all had those. Mine involved Ray Lamontagne looking like he would be happy if I spontaneously combusted.
I can't wait to read more!
292. lulu said:
you are brilliant.
293. Kristina said:
That is a great story! Great ending! I have a similar story that involves Adam Yauch and his wife and son at a Green Party convention in Madison Square Garden. My boyfriend was in love with the Beastie Boys and when we saw him, he almost fell out of his chair. So I coerced Adam's baby son to come over and say hi to us, then his wife followed and chatted with me, then Adam followed and sat by my stuttering boyfriend for the rest of the convention. This was 15 years ago, so no Twitter or texting. But my now ex-boyfriend still tells this story with pride for my mad skills!
Have fun with Kourtney!
294. Due Date Calculator said:
very nice, He made it up to you!
295. Siobhan said:
THAT FUCKING ROCKS! GO MARLO! (you didn't do a bad job either Jon)
296. Allison said:
Is Kourtney Kardashian going to change Marlo's diaper? What if Marlo makes a big poo on the Bonnie Hunt show?
297. Tracy said:
Awesome story.
Tracy
298. Nancy said:
Good Story! Thanks for sharing!
299. tracylea said:
*SCREAMS Fangirl scream* I'm definitely busting out the vinyl Frampton when I get home tonight. Well, Frampton has officially met the two coolest people alive and I'm sure will soon begin telling everyone how Jon played air guitar to HIS song.
300. Brad said:
Oh my God, stop! I'm laughing so hard I'm crying! The thought of Jon totally fan-nerding out all OVER Frampton is just too much! Stomach hurts!