• Jamie

    I am laughing so hard!

  • Anonymouse

    Danielle writes, in part, “Luckily Marc is 8 now and no longer goes on “seek and destroy” missions (mostly doesn’t anyway) but when he was 12 months until about 4 I could barely leave the house.”

    People who keep their exceptionally difficult children home are saints and Danielle, while I’m sorry you had to restrict your life to rear him, I thank you for doing it. You saved any number of patrons at grocery stores, restaurants, and other public venues from yet another experience ruined by someone else’s child.

    To Adam’s dad: good luck!

  • Alyssa

    are you people serious? ive read some of heathers hate mail and its ridiculous. You are all grown adults and have nothing better to do with your time or what? Heather, i strongly disagree with more than half of the stuff you write, but i still read your blog because you are a good writer. No one asked any of you to come to this site and read it, no one asked you to support her. You tell her to get a job, This is her job, you are GIVING HER her job. This is basically a public journal so of course sh’d write aboout shingles, and how her baby got clocked upside the head. AND OF COURSE SHE’D SAY WONDERFUL THINGS ABOUT HER CHILD.. ITS HER BLOG. idiots. Heather, you are a wonderful writer and contunue what you do! Its pretty sad that im 19 yrs young and telling grown adults to grow up! ha!

  • Genie

    My 16 month old girl routinely gets smacked and pushed down by a little boy in her play group who is a couple of months older. My girl is a sweet girl with a sensitive personality – it doesn’t take much to make her cry. Had she been Marlo, she’d still be crying over the smack. I’m sure that some sort of discipline ensued because I really can’t see you just sitting there being all happy about it.

    My issue with my daughters play mate is that the mom doesn’t do much in the way of discipline… she takes him away and tells him to be nice but… One year olds can and do learn consequences and are actively seeking boundaries. If my daughters bully would be placed in time out or SOMETHING I would be more OK with it (kids will be kids) but it is frustrating that the mom doesn’t think that there is anything that she can do.

    I could be more sensitive because I was the victim to very cruel teasing and taunting all through school, in the days before Columbine back when schools didn’t realize that they should do anything. I won’t stand idly by and watch my daughter be tormented, at any age, like I was.

  • http://www.mandymoorehol.com mandy

    parenting! here i come.

  • Marcheline

    What you described isn’t cute, it isn’t “boy” behavior – there’s an anger problem there, which if it isn’t dealt with, is going to turn into beaten classmates, girlfriends, and wives on down the road.

    The fact that he would hurt a baby – you need to keep a serious eye on this kid, especially at family get-togethers where people might not always have their eyes open. He’s doing it in front of people now, but stuff like this goes underground and gets worse. Don’t ever take your eyes off Marlo if he’s around! Better yet, don’t let him near Marlo again until she’s big enough to deliver a right hook.

    This post gave me the weebers – ever see that movie “The Good Son”? Maybe you oughta check it out sometime. Seriously.

  • Jessie

    Oh Heather… first you’re not grateful at all for your life and you’re so spoiled, why don’t you try showing some appreciate for the life you lead… and now? Now everything in your life is perfect, including the SHINGLES! and the DUCT ISSUES!!!! and NONE OF US want to hear about how wonderful your life is… wow.

    My cousin was like Adam from day one. Now we’re 23 and a few years ago he was still sitting on me to “teach me a lesson” (he’s like.. 250/300 lbs.). Some of them definitely don’t grow out of it..

    Your kids are adorable, and as someone firmly in the “I will never have children. Ever.” camp, your website is the best form of birth control; thanks for telling it as it is!

  • Jessie

    Oh Heather… first you’re not grateful at all for your life and you’re so spoiled, why don’t you try showing some appreciation for the life you lead… and now? Now everything in your life is perfect, including the SHINGLES! and the DUCT ISSUES!!!! and NONE OF US want to hear about how wonderful your life is… wow.

    My cousin was like Adam from day one. Now we’re 23 and a few years ago he was still sitting on me to “teach me a lesson” (he’s like.. 250/300 lbs.). Some of them definitely don’t grow out of it..

    Your kids are adorable, and as someone firmly in the “I will never have children. Ever.” camp, your website is the best form of birth control; thanks for telling it as it is!

  • Anonymous

    Hey I would love some photo editing tips too sometime!!!

    Love the picture of little miss. In no time she will be telling the boys to settle down, read a book and behave! :p

    Speaking of boobs… those little gums on Marlo just made me twinge… just remembering the pain in the early days and the jaws/gums of life. Owwww. Now you could drop a anvil on them and they would be fine… but maybe that was too much info…

  • http://anneschitchat.com Anne

    Best attitude ever. We all need to learn from Marlo. She is a keeper.

  • Katherine

    And this is what assures me that Marlo and Leta are, indeed, two of the coolest kids EVER.

  • Anonymous

    Ps. I hate the hate page! Take it down! lol Does this qualify as hate mail? Will I end up there!? lol I just don’t like it… I like to just read the blog and that’s that. I never knew there was so much drama going on and I kinda liked being in the dark.

  • http://www.stuffedashes.wordpress.com Darleya

    Thank God little Marlo wasn’t hurt! That little monster…I’m sure he’ll grow out of it. I can’t get over your two daughters eyes. They have such big expressive eyes. So beautiful.

    All the best, and I hope your misfortunes have ceased ;)

  • Keldex

    I have a son the exact age as Marlo and I somehow am able to temper my need to gush. You? Not so much. Is it your right to do so, especially on your own blog? You bet. But I think it needs to be said that not everyone who finds the whole “Marlo’s dimples shall bring world peace” thing to be cringe-worthy is a “hater.” I come here for the writing – and for the gritty reality of what you brought to the page. Now I feel like it is all sunshine and lollipops and, lest we forget, DIMPLES. And maybe that is the reality of your life at the moment. But it is becoming a bit too sugary for my taste – and I have quite the sweet tooth. But I am a big girl – I will just look for the posts that don’t contain the word “DIMPLES.” Not sure I will find any for a very long time.

  • Jean

    Lets not be mean to Adam, little guy is just a little guy. Lets be mean to the grown up people that say mean things about Heather’s kids, which is out of bounds. If you don’t like Heather, fine, but leave the kids out of it.

  • http://webcat74.blogspot.com webcat74

    I felt my face turn red when you said it. I would have lost my shit right there.

    Heather, regarding #194, people said the same thing when you had Leta, that you’d gone soft.

    If Dooce uses the words “buffalo vagina” in a post, a letter to her daughters, no less, then I don’t see that the grit is gone. I’m not a mommy-mobster or worshipper or whatever they’re calling regular readers these days. No attacks here, I’m not down with all that stuff. Just my opinion, humble though it be.

  • armonia ( Harmony)

    I am a fan ! but I have to tell you your hate page scares me to bits.. they are full of nutsos!!

  • Kate

    LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL @ “AND SMASHED IT!” love it!

  • armonia ( Harmony)

    something else.. I wonder why people only were happy to read your blog when things were hard and dark, I’m very happy to read your happy blogs too! it also gives me plenty of hope because my baby girl (now 7 months) is somewhat similar as Leta was as a baby, your life now and the thought of a second child to me is now a happy posibility, when 3 months ago was a definite NEVER. I now have hope for what a second child may be,, I thank you for that.
    no matter what the haters say, go eat cake!!

  • http://www.babytanous.blogspot.com Rachael

    Has your brother ever considered putting his son in a structured sport like karate? You said that his behavior was dealt with when you were there but is it dealt with at home? If he’s so destructive does mom or dad deal with it when he goes on a rampage or do the just say o there he goes again and cleans up the mess once he’s finished? I know that the instructor would teach that hitting outside of the mat is a big no no and they would work on having a good/positive attitude. When my brother played football in school he was terrified when he was told that whatever bad thing he had done was going to be told to the coach. He knew that the coach would be disappointed in him and he would make him work harder and longer as punishment. He was so exhausted afterwards that he could not think of doing anything wrong and he was begging for bed. A blessing for me since he tormented me constantly. All of the kindergardeners that were in karate when I was teaching looked up to and loved their instructors. Those same children were rarely called on for hitting/pinching/tantrums. Something to consider.

  • Jane

    I have had mastisis, too. Ouch. Not from feeding a kid though (no kids) but a mammogram. Ouch. Ouch. Thank goodness for antibiotics.

    I’m sure Marlo & Adam will play nicely together in a couple of years.

    PS Hoping this is post #200!!

  • http://www.myhormonesmademe.com MyHormonesMadeMeDoIt

    Oh serious, you have like the coolest kid and she isn’t even able to talk yet.

    That Adam is scaring me a little.

  • http://agablack.wordpress.com/ Agi

    Hey Heather,

    Did you realize how many times you used the word “wolf” in your writing? I’ve noticed only cuz I was looking for this book you were talking about some time ago, about this chick from NY that landed in Wyoming and adopted a wolf teenager, and started taking pictures and posting them online, and then turned it all into a book..yyyyhhh…DEEP BREATH…
    So my friend has a thing for wolves. The thing is such that I’m not asking any questions. I just thought she may get a kick out of that book. So I typed the word “wolf” in the search box, and then all those wolves popped out, and I thought “Geez, she talks A LOT about wolves! How in the world will I ever find the one I need???”
    Help..?

    Cheerios,
    Agi

  • Anne

    First, my sympathies on the clogged duct. I nursed two kids and am getting ready to nurse a third, and man do those clogged ducts hurt. Someone once told me to fill a newborn diaper with really really warm (hot) water and wrap it around the boob. Helped immensely!

    Second- I have girls. But I have nephews, and it is true- they are just a totally different breed. My youngest nephew is 18 months old and he will wait until someone is looking at him, make eye contact, and then throw whatever is in reach to the ground. We also have a family member who has a 2 and a half year old boy, and he was the kind who hit/pushed/bit other kids. Both of my girls cried the first few times they got a whack, or a push, and then after that the little boy would be the one crying and my girls would know nothing about it. Girls are SNEAKY. Boys might be destructive, but at least they are honest about it.

  • yieldtomaturity

    Goodness gracious, Marlo is so adorable, and Leta seems to become prettier every day!

    About monetetizing the hate though. Dude. I read it, but only because I’m astonished at what people write, and how they have the time to actually come up with such negative comments. I don’t understand why they keep coming back, or what sort of gratification they receive. I think it really sucks that such people should leave you messages like this on a regular basis, and I admire that you seem to take it quite well. They obviously lack the confidence you have, and aren’t having as great of a life as you are. The jealousy is mind-boggeling and really quite sad.

    So keep up the good work. I think you’re doing a fantastic job, and hold a proudness in my heart for you and your whole family. You all get through thick and thin like the rest of us, but still carry a special strength with you that allows you to keep going despite such comments. This is a feat that I reckon a lot of other people wouldn’t have been able to handle. So good on you, congratulations, and I look forward to reading more in the future!

    xx

  • http://www.booshay.blogspot.com Miz Booshay

    Love her sweet little attitude!

    The picture of her grow up self….biggest eyes I have ever seen.
    I use to look at my little Katie and think her eyes were unbelievably huge….your Marlo’s make her look like a mole.
    Gorgeous!!!

  • Sheila

    Hi Heather,
    My son is now 13 but when he was young he acted like your nephew. I’m sure your brother does not condone his behavior. My son is now the kindest, most gentle boy I know. He loves helping with his younger cousins and is great with animals.

  • http://www.whereisjeanchung.blogspot.com Jean

    Marlo’s gonna grow up to break a lot of hearts. But really, do you have the best baby ever or what?

  • Neg

    I LOVE THIS POST!
    This exact scenario drove me to drinking. I never drank. Religion and personal philosophy kept me away for 28 years until one Christmas where my husband’s cosine’s 2 year old devil’s seed acted just like this.
    I had it!
    I saw his parents give up long time ago and I swore not to have kids just to avoid seeing this monster again in anyway shape or form.
    We ended the evening going to his aunt’s house miles away from this beast and his carnage and I told my brother in law to pour me a strong one.
    It is now 3 years ago, I am now 4 months pregnant and repent every pain caused to my human peers during my upbringing just to avoid this sentence.

  • http://www.justchangingbags.co.uk/ Changing bags UK

    Marlo is a never ending source for story-telling, oh, and so are your body parts- great post (sorry you had to suffer from clogged booby though!)

  • http://www.websavymom.com WebSavyMom

    –>I think my instant reaction would have been to shove that kid backwards away from my baby. I don’t think timeout would cut it either but a serious spanking from his parents. Good for Marlo in rolling with the punches…literally.

  • mss

    I find it distressing how many people rush to the conclusion that boys are just like that. Boys are not different than girls. People are individuals. I have a son and he’s sweet and mild-mannered without an aggressive bone in his body. He loves building things–not destroying them.

    If you expect a group of people to behave a certain way, they are going to try their best to live up to expectations. Thus the people who think boys are so different (not you, Heather or your relatives–I mean the commenters) are in subtle ways encouraging aggressive and destructive behavior. They may even think such behavior is “manly”.

    Worse, such “boys are so different” attitudes morph into the more dangerous excuse for anti-social and misogynistic behavior–the classic excuse, “Well boys will be boys.”

    No way! Boys should be held up to the same standard of socialization as girls. I’m sure with patience, consistent discipline, and proper outlets for his energy that Adam can become a fine person.

  • http://jiveturkey.wordpress.com jive turkey

    Oh, man. This happened to us over the summer when my daughter was Marlo’s age, and the culprit? An 18-month old. What is it about that age? Our Baby Terminator was a girl, though, and her weapon: a sandal. She saw her Dad holding another little girl and proceeded to WEAR IT OUT the side of my daughter’s face with her Stride Rite. My baby started screaming and I don’t know how my head didn’t explode, but I managed to hold it together. Yowza.

  • http://goodgoog.com Zoey

    As someone who reportedly hit my brother upside the head when he was still a baby, I feel Adam’s pain. Apparently my brother reacted much the same way that Marlo did – more surprise than anything else. It all works out in the end – once I’d gotten over being a little green monster – I realised that not only was he super cute but as his older sister I could use him as a human doll. Things improved from there and as the baby of the family he’s always been spoiled rotten, especially by me.

  • NY,NY

    Can’t wait to read the hate on this one.

  • http://blog.sailorscorpio.com/ Meredith

    Wow, she handled that one pretty well. On the other hand, I would be seriously spastic. In fact, this does not help me with the whole “how is my 2.5 year old going to respond to her baby brother?” issue. No, madam! Not one little bit! I might just need to hide under my desk for a bit.

  • Wendi

    Marlo is beautiful, Leta is gorgeous and obviously very bright, love your writing, very happy that you’re in a happy place and are sharing it with us. I tend to be neutral about you, not a worshipper and not a hater, even though I disagree with a lot of what you say. But I come back because I enjoy your story telling.

    Here’s what I don’t get about the hate page even though Jon tried to explain it on Twitter. If you want to publish the hate mail you get and let all the world read the horrible things, and some of this stuff is REALLY horrible, people say about you, that’s fine. You’re an adult, your right to do so, have at it. But I’ve read some really disturbing things being said about your children, things only really disturbed people would say. And I truly don’t get why you would put those things out there to live forever on the internet. Sure, the kids don’t know what’s being said about them now, but they will one day. Is making a point and calling these people out, especially considering how futile that is because you’re really only feeding the hate and generating more hate, worth Leta someday reading that she has a huge forehead and may be somewhat “retarted”? I don’t get it.

  • http://lollygagblog.blogspot.com Keely

    Gotta love Marlo’s resilience.

    I nanny for a 5 year old dude and his 18 month old sis- when she first came on the scene he would surreptitiously extend an arm and shove her backwards, forwards, on her forehead, whatever, under the guise of “I tripped!” After awhile she would adopt this leaning back-kinda wince every time he would “trip” by. He stopped. This year.

    And as someone who’s due in 5 weeks, I can only hope for a same such tolerant kiddo- ’cause the baby will be coming to work with me! (Eh, kids are resilient. I have younger twin sibs that I used to dress up and leave on shelves while I went outside to ride my bike. We’re quite close now.)

    Finally- I agree. Sunshine n’ roses cannot be applied to a posting that also clearly prints “buffalo vagina.” It’s a conflict of interest. Or anatomy.

    Finally FINALLY, the ‘captcha’ I get to type is “retinas fabulous.” Thanks!

  • Kelly

    18-mos old child acts out, tests boundaries, news at 11.

    People aren’t very careful readers are they? Or they are unreasonable about their moral expectations of children. I prefer my first interpretation. The second one scares.

    But Leta and Marlo reminds me of my friends’ first two children. Her first boy was very anxious and high strung even as a baby but the second channels his inner surfer-dude constantly. #1 learned his ABCs before he figured out that walking thing. #2 pretends he doesn’t know anything.

  • http://www.wellreadhostess.com Well Read Hostess

    I like to think of myself as reasonably well in control and not entirely impulsive (especially when I’m appropriately medicated). Also, I’m 41, so, you know, I (theoretically) know better.

    Nevertheless I can’t say for certain that I wouldn’t just smash a bird figurine for no reason in front of its owner either.

    No judgment on you and your bird figuring THANG, but bird figurineS (plural – en masse) might just incite me to smashing.

  • http://www.taylorjoelle.com Jenny Moyer

    Great post. I can totally relate to that!

    Thanks for a great and entertaining blog,

    Jenny

  • http://doobylove.wordpress.com DoobyLove

    Marlo should run for president! Right now!

  • http://etsyphotos.blogspot.com Hannah

    I really just wanted to comment on the new photo of Marlo. She looks like a totally different baby now! Did you trade her in for a new model? ;) She’s looking a lot more like Leta now, too.

  • http://www.postednote.com Eddeaux – The One and Only

    Haha. I love reading your capitalized parts out loud trying to duplicate the anger and southern accent. I do this while at Starbucks… probably why I’m still single.

    Also, I just looked at that photo of Marlo and her big blue eyes. Those eyes alone are the reason why people should procreate. That blue is so beautiful that if I could, I would strip the world of all other color and replace it with just those shades of blue.

  • http://www.200books.com Amanda Patchin

    Why do ya’all keep talking about how “boys are a mean like that” or “they sure are a different breed.” Some boys are aggressive and some aren’t, and I’ve met some downright mean and violent little girls. Most kids are trained out of that kind of awful behavior and their parents are saints if they manage it well but let’s not gender-stereotype too much ok?

  • rebecca

    since i can’t comment on the photo page-your girls have the most beautiful eyes! i know they may be a little fudge with photoshop but ugh!!! they are irresistible!

  • LLL lady

    Info about relieving plugged ducts a lifesaver for me-
    http://www.llli.org/NB/NBMarApr07p76.html

    Info on gentle discipline –
    http://www.llli.org/NB/NBMayJun05p94.html

    I know, I know, sounding all preachy, but hopefully this might help some parents NOT hit their children, and teach their kids NOT to hit others!

    Parents can talk about the basic emotions with their kids “You feel mad/sad/bad/glad” and see where it leads – give them the words when they’re too wound up or too young to express themselves.

    Love your blog, loved your book.

  • tlf

    LOVE michelle w’s new haircut and i think it will look fabulous on you… the key is the short bang, love! would you ever consider giving us a tutorial on how to use twitter? i’m on twitter, i follow you and jon and love it but FOR THE LOVE OF MARY i can’t figure out how to reply/comment, ect. I’VE TRIED!!! would love it if you could walk us through it. the FAQ’s on twitter are very vague. xoxo

  • http://www.reluctantrunner.net Candice

    First off I have no kids so my opinion doesn’t really count but a friend of mine believes kids are born evil and it is the parents duty to make sure they grow up worthy of going to whatever they believe heaven to be.

    After this story I think perhaps you get 2 kinds of kids – Marlo (already suited for heaven) and Adam (Satan’s spawn)… Let’s hope I get a Marlo when I decide to push a bundle or two out!!

  • katie

    marlo – i love marlo.

    btw – i would have smacked your nephew (omg did she really just say that! but dooce! people shouldn’t hit their kids and you should take her comment down because you are just advocating child abuse by leaving it up there!!)being a relation of mine or not – so kudos to you if you managened not to do so.

    oh and fyi i said smacked, not beat the blody shit out of him.

    give that cute baby a raise! she is amazing.