• Julie Wood

    no freakin fair! I don’t get all you women that can come back to pre-pregnancy size in less than 1 and 1/2 or well, 2 and 1/2 years for this baby. I really don’t think I’ll ever get back to where I was. I’ve tried, I tell you, I’ve tried. But you ladies who think that pregnancy weight is somewhat of an uncomfortable thought, can shove it. Mine was horribly uncomfortable and it’s still not all the way gone. So, forgive me for being a little ticked by the women that can lose it without months of maternity clothes – after the pregnancy. Point is – you did great, me, not so much. And, I have issues about it. can you tell?

  • Emmy

    I’m listening to the exact same noise right now coming from my 7-month old.

  • Ev

    Here it is Friday afternoon, I’m starving, and I come here and read the words “waffle” and “fries”. Either one is bad enough by itself, but the two together is cruel. Now I’ve got to stop on the way home and buy a waffle iron and a deep fryer..damn you, Armstrong!

  • Emilie

    I am 5 weeks post-partum and weigh less than when I got pregnant. I promise that is not bragging because I vomitted every day I was pregnant, was 6 days overdue, labored for 23 hours, pushed for 2 hours and sprained my pelvis during delivery. Who knew you could sprain your pelvis? Even my doctor was surprised. I had a walker for the recovery floor and when the doctor wrote me a prescription to get my own walker for at-home use, I said, “no need, I’ll just borrow my Grandma’s extra one.”

  • http://iamamomam.blogspot.com Hayley

    I just saw you on Dr. Phil, and I’m so glad because I came to your page. I just read one of your FAQs about call child protective services…its hilarious! Isn’t is funny how other people feel like they know how YOU feel and how your life is and then they even feel so almighty that they get to tell YOU how to raise, treat and love your child? I just wanted to say I love your website and although I may not make it back through all your posts, after all I do have a 7 month old running, crawling, around, I will be reading every day. And I love the pictures of the dogs, we have 3 and I love how you include them.

  • http://quickwittedandwitty.blogspot.com Keri

    Marlo sounds exactly like my son! Oddly enough, I didn’t find it annoying at all; it actually made me smile because I’m in my last half hour of work and I can’t wait to get home and see my little guy. So thanks for that!

    I totally know what you mean about being back to your pre-pregnancy weight and your old stuff still not fitting, what is up with that?? It’s like, Congratulations! You lost all your pregnancy weight! Now, lose another 10 pounds and you might fit into your old jeans. No promises. Have fun!

  • Sadie

    Hah! My son is 2 weeks younger than Marlo, and as I played that clip he could hear it from his crib and made matching whiny noises. In fact I’ve got to go spring him from said crib…

  • Tay

    I found that clip pretty damn cute, actually. Maybe after 10 hours it would stop being cute, though.

  • http://mumologic.wordpress.com Mumologic

    The game show buzzer whine kicks in at about five months.

  • http://www.number17cherrytreelane.wordpress.com No. 17 Cherry Tree Lane

    My daughter is 20 months old and I still haven’t lost all my weight.
    So, congratulations.
    and I kinda hate you, too.

  • Rachel E.

    When I was growing up and my mom got in THAT mode she’d yell at the top of her lungs, “WHERE ARE MY SCISSORS?!?!?!?!”

    That’s when all seven of us would flee and hide to protect our very lives. Then, in hiding, we’d argue in whispers about who had mom’s scissors last and where they possibly be…


  • denise

    Hooray for getting reacquainted with your pre-pregnancy weight! And in such a short time! I hope all those horrible haters didn’t force you to abstain from eating. You’re a gorgeous woman, pre or post pregnancy weight, short hair or long. I’m dumbfounded by the vicious cruelty in your ‘hate’ section.

    Re: that clip. Both of my babies made that sound beginning around that age and I actually thought it was adorable! I never perceived it as whining, but as them trying to wrap their mouths around sounds they just couldn’t quite make yet. Each kid did it much more aggressively and pointedly if I would talk directly at them while they were doing it. It always seemed like rudimentary attempts at language to me. Perhaps you could try to shift your perspective and it won’t get under your skin quite so much? easier said than done, I know…just a thought.

  • http://spotlightonbeauty.blogspot.com Sunnie G Baker

    I can’t get the video to play :( I’ve been curious about this goat noise you speak of, now I guess I’ll never know what you meant.

  • Alyxherself

    The longer this whole hating Dooce thing goes on, the wierder it is. Men are right about women, we’re two faced bitches. I have never heard you say a bad word about anyone, and have always seen you talk up mommy bloggers. You have certainly helped to raise household conciousness about women blogging, and blogging in general, and all you do is write honestly about your life.
    WHAT IS THE BIG FRICKIN DRAW TO HATE ON YOU? what.the.fuck.is.it?
    I come here to have a smile and enjoy what you share and I have to deal with fucking jealous ass lame-o’s who wanna tell you how to run your life. Fuck. Get over yourselves, people. Don’t fucking come here. Go somewhere else and leave Dooce’s blog for those of us who enjoy it.
    Damn already. Shut up you stupid cows.
    And Heather? good for you, stress diet sucks, but being lardy on top of all that crap sucks something terrible. I remember when you and Jon lived in L.A. and you wrote that post about trying to beat him up some brutal outdoor flights of steps on a workout! maybe you should challenge him to flights steps to get your muscles back :)
    I swear, at 40 and 2 kids, its the working out that gives me hope against gravity.

  • Cynthia

    The whining seriously upset the cat.

    As for the jeans, you can wash them once a week, just don’t dry them. The stiffness goes away in 5 minutes. ;-)

  • Yes!

    #209, I could not agree more.

  • http://www.GgGetups.com Ginger

    Jeans—don’t ever put them in the dryer. Let them air dry, then give them a whirl with dryel.

  • Ellen

    I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m really disappointed I can’t play/hear the clip of Marlo whining.
    I’m sorry you had to go on the diet you did; I hope your (((shingles))) are calming down, and I’m sorry for the loss of your Granny Boone.
    The pic of Lily and Marlo is precious. Marlo looks like she’s about to be upset, and Lily looks kinda tough. Smackdown time?

  • Anonymous

    Ok. Congrats on the sorta weight loss thing. You’re cool like that & it’s good to know that you have to work at it, because you look like one of those awesome supermodel women who say they can eat anything and just take long walks with the children to burn it off. Bah!

    Re: the whining. I must inform you that you have yet another super genius on your hands. Your sweet baby is talking to you. Really. I’ve met many a baby who began to speak at 4 months. The key is to figure out what they’re saying. Sometimes you’re lucky enough to get comments in the context of the conversation, other times they’re trying to tell you that you looked better in the top you wore yesterday. Imagine the frustration.

    I can’t tell what she’s saying, but whatever it is, she’s saying it over & over. What was going on at the time? It’s way cool when they realize that you understand…they get really excited!

  • Anonymous

    Even though I have Quicktime, I could not hear the audio clip in Windows Explorer, but could using Google Chrome as a browser. HTH somebody!

  • Nicole

    Just saw you on Dr. Phil (I’m catching up on my TiVo) had never heard of the website and now I’m hooked:). Congrats on your jeans I too had the same thing happen to me today, I got back into my pre-pregnancy jeans today, my dtr is 7wks old (also my second) a small miracle! Men have no idea!

  • Nicole

    Just saw you on Dr. Phil (I’m catching up on my TiVo) had never heard of the website and now I’m hooked:). Congrats on your jeans I too had the same thing happen to me today, I got back into my pre-pregnancy jeans today, my dtr is 7wks old (also my second) a small miracle! Men have no idea!

  • http://twitter.com/maryjors Mary Jo

    My one year old beagle, Rascal, found the clip to be very exciting. When it started playing he ran over to me and climbed up on my lap to look at the monitor. I’m not sure what Marlo was saying to him, but he was very curious. LOL I love it!

  • Elizabeth

    Maybe it’s my 38 year old ovaries and uterus that haven’t been put to use making a baby yet doing the taking, but I found that sounds pretty great. My dog actually stopped licking her butt for a minute to come see what all the noise was about. Now, talk to me again after 10 minutes (let alone 10 hours) and I will probably be grateful my dog licking her hind quarters is the only sound in my house right now.

    I haven’t lost the 25 pounds of baby weight I gained when my best friend had her kids either :-)

    My captcha word is “boneyer” -what is that exactly??? One who eyes, well…

  • Rachel

    This post was the best form of birth control ever! I am 23, and it made me soooo happy that I am not a mom yet.

  • http://onepot.wordpress.com Onepot

    What in the world are waffle fries? Looks like I’ve been missing out.

  • http://dichthuathaco.com.vn Tran

    Yeap, girls and women should do somethings to keep good weight and shape after having a baby. Men love good looking women, lol

  • http://www.theunnaturalmother.com/ Deanna – The Unnatural Mother

    Here’s to pre-pregnancy weight!!!

  • http://www.psychupped.blogspot.com Kit

    Congrats on the weight thing!

  • http://lisaboo.wordpress.com Lisa

    I was back down to my prepregnancy weight pretty quickly too, but like you, it’s all in weird places now. So, a lot of shirts got thrown out for being too tight and too short! Congrats!

  • http://www.diapermonologues.com/ mrs.notouching

    Yay! And I can totally relate to the shock of looking at my maternity underwear…. I mean… whoa! really?!

  • Kari

    I returned to my pre-preg weight quickly. When people ask me how I stay thin, I tell them “High stress livin’.” Where my tummy was once flat (and pierced!), I too have a van, but mine has a fantasy-blue-hot-chick-and-wolves painting on it, and is blasting prog-rock.

  • Allison

    In the Times Book Review published Sunday, David Kamp writes that Mr. Chabon “shows admirable restraint in not pimping out his children, in not giving away too much of their lives, their trials and their cute utterances.”

    You’d be wise to do the same.

  • Ang

    Holy comment section batman. Well, I am super-tardy or just retarded at not looking you up earlier Deuce. My mother-in-law reads you daily and for some reason, in my seriously sleep-deprived post-partum fog, I neglected your page.

    I have a 2 month old who looks much like your baby girl. She’s started to track my body (enormous body- how could she miss it?) and voice. Poor thing, she has no idea what her hot momma looked like back in the day… mind you that was somewhere in the early 90′s but at least there WAS a DAY.

    I’ve had those underwear adventures…hell my “fat panties” elastic went shot- so that tells you how much weight I gained.. the poor fat panties didn’t survive… and I think they’ve been disposed of. I can’t match a mit or baby sock in the wash at the moment, so who the hell knows? I’m pretty sure the 2 month old is snacking on them at midnight, I blame her for lateness, why not blame her for this too?

    Anyway, glad to see I’m in good company. Glad to read you. Cheers, Ang

  • Aidyl

    To #244 Allison

    “Make somebody happy today. Mind your own business.” ~Ann Landers

  • Yolanda

    Heather –

    Good evening. I played the clip of Marlo whining and my cat who was sleeping next to me woke up from his nap he was disturbed. I think I will play it for him everyday that way when we have a baby the sounds will not be so foreign to him.

  • http://www.princesshairstyles.com hairstyles for girls

    I’m still not my pre pregnancy weight and my “baby” is now 3. How much longer do you think I can get away with using the excuse that I just had a baby?

  • Kari

    Um, that sounds like the whine of a baby with digestive problems: constant low-level discomfort = wretched whining.

    I expect she’s still mostly on boob? (Sorry, I’m not reading regularly). Both my kids had terrible colic so I did the rice-for-a-few-days-then-add-boiled-chicken diet (deadly boring). But worth it as we discovered various things I was eating that gave them a lot more gas.

    Also, my daughter ruptured her eardrums like 5 times her first year — and then the pediatrician said “hey, maybe she has reflux!” Yes indeed, baby reflux can get in the sinuses and then the ear canal, causing nasty ear infections and a hell of a lot of whining.

    Just saying — she’s trying to tell you something. Figure it out.

    Cheers, K

  • Linda

    Congratulations! I can’t seriously be the first to comment, can I?

  • beth

    I find you very entertaining, and am somewhat addicted. Since Marlo was born, you do not satisfy my cravings enough. More Dooce, please! Update more often.

  • Debbie

    Ooh, that audio clip is really annoying. I am deterred from having children. For now. Until you post another picture of her, or write a really heartwarming post about her and Leta.

    Also, congratulations on your ass. :)

  • http://bebehblog.com/ Suzanne

    I’ve only had one baby and things have already moved in ridiculously strange ways. Why do my hip bones point in separate directions? Not that anyone can SEE my hip bones, mind you, but they totally do.

    Can you throw those old sweatpants this way? I’m suffering from a severe sweatpant shortage.

  • http://www.millatimes.com Milla

    i would rather be at my fresh-out-of-college weight, but that would require subsisting on a daily diet of cigarettes and coffee, with vodka binges on the weekends. oh the good old days!

    sorry, got carried away. what i meant to say is, “congratulations!!!” that and “i now want waffle fries, too.”

  • http://homegrown-insanity.blogspot.com Tracylea

    Not an easy achievement. yea for you and I think maybe you were wearing my underwear during pregnancy (woah, that was way creepy now that it’s said). I am not pregnant. my ass is large (but enjoyable to look at as long as it is covered in denim). My underwear scares me on a daily basis as I wonder how in the hell my ass ever got that big (but it has been for years I just apparently wore underwear to small for it).

    Anyway, congrats to you and your ass from me and mine.

  • http://embracingmyquirks.blogspot.com Beth

    I just played the sound of Marlo whining while my 4 month old whined from the bouncy chair beside me. He actually stopped whining to listen, so I suppose I can thank you for 60 whine free seconds. Except that I was listening to Marlo, too, so… Hhmm… maybe they weren’t 60 whine free seconds after all. Crap.

  • http://www.gollygear.blogspot.com Hope

    For the smiles, tears, and laughs – thank you!

  • http://inreallife222@blogspot.com Kelly

    Yay! Pre-pregnancy weight! I am still 12lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight, and my baby is 8 years old! I’m gonna get there though – I’ve lost 24lbs so far this year. The funny thing is that I hadn’t realized that I had gotten so big/huge!

  • http://thisitaliangemini.blogspot.com Michelle

    Congrats! But that post made me want waffle frys (with fry sauce, because I’m a Utah girl).

  • Lyndsey

    Oh how I remember those days and months of the constant whining. Hang in there!

    I wouldn’t throw those pregnant panties away just yet. Not until Jon gets the snip. :P

  • Me2

    Wait until your girls are teenagers and (assuming you are still doing their laundry) you have to fold their thongs. No one tells you about that in any “What to Expect” book.