• http://www.aheadofthewave.blogspot.com Kate

    Great story. I wish I’d gotten my hubby to have the “big V” but time just passed by and then I got old enough where it didn’t matter anymore (not the sex but the childbearing issues). Good for you Heather!

    You’ve a wonderful family; two gorgeous little girls and a great husband. U go girl!

  • http://www.photographybycio.com Anonymous

    So I know this couple who has 3 kids, then the husband finally got a vasectomy. The next year they had another kid…so then he got the procedure AGAIN. 2 years later they.had.another.kid.
    FIVE KIDS.

    crazy.

    poor little bunny.

    :) Dooce, you’re hilarious. I would have chuckled at my husband too.

  • Dee

    Wow, great writing! I can only aspire to your greatness. That being said I have no sympathy for your hubby. All it takes is remembering those wonderful contractions that felt like my uterus was trying to escape my body and all feelings of sympathy and compassion are gone. Frankly, in comparison a little snip, snip down under is nothing. Balls mean BALLS and those who have them will quickly and quietly go through this procedure after witnessing their signifcant other being torn in two by a 6lb, 5oz bundle of joy.

  • http://anneschitchat.com Anne

    You are so funny Heather! Oh my goodness — I didn’t think you were serious about the vasectomy. You definitely were and I like that Jon held up his side of the bargain! Hope recovery is going well.

  • http://www.myobsaidwhat.com My OB said WHAT

    I am so glad you linked to the Man Cold Video! As I was reading this blog post, that is EXACTLY what came to mind! I loved that you ended with it! It serves the purpose of your post well!

    Keep up the great work!

  • Bethany

    Oh dear god.. I just laughed so hard I cried. And while reading it out loud to my husband… another victim of the vasectomy operating table.

  • http://opinionsfromthepressurecooker.blogspot.com/ WorkingMom

    Laughing so hard I’m going to pee my pants! Count your blessings – my wussy Hubby had a hard enough time when the Middle Child has an undescended testicle surgically brought down at 13 months old – when the recovery nurse came over with liquid Children’s Tylenol and told him it would held the kid’s discomfort, he asked for some too!

  • LeFiffre

    Insult to injury! Not only is Jon cut, but now he’s un-manned in narrative. The story is priceless and must be told, but ONLY HE CAN TELL IT.

  • Cate

    My hubby just had his, in his words, major surgery in August. I had no sympathy whatsoever. Still don’t. I’m pretty sure his doc doesn’t allow wives in the room because of all the inevitable laughing that would go on.

  • http://timesurge.blogspot.com Surge

    A poor, little bunny. =)
    “Oh, okay”.
    Reminds me of a guy in my class.
    “What did you get on your test?”
    “90.”
    “NO YOU DIDN’T”
    “Yes I did.”
    “Oh, okay.”

    Rest in peace sans deferens. >.<

  • http://alittlebitrocknroll.blogspot.com Andrea

    So funny! A couple of man-surgery stories for you:

    I had a friend who changed his mind about getting the procedure done — while he was lying on the table. The doctor left the room for just a moment, and my friend jumped up and took off for the nearest pay phone where he promptly called his wife to turn around and pick him up immediately. He never looked back.

    Another friend’s husband took in his post-surgery sample and the results came back that he was twice as potent. His count increased. By 100%. So be careful!

    Andrea
    http://alittlebitrocknroll.blogspot.com

  • superkittn

    I think I just guffawed.

  • lotsalisa

    OMG. I just peed my pants….and I’m at work! Guys are such WIMPS!

  • Meredith

    Sooo, you just made my day. I’m sorry it had to be at the expense of your husband, but still, MADE MY DAY! :)

  • Anonymous

    My husband wouldn’t allow me to go with him to his procedure. No, he took his father, I think hoping to get more sympathy! No sympathy here! The first words out of his mouth when he got home were, “That was the TEN most excruciating minutes of my life!” I was like, “Where were you during the 32 hours of hell, with no durg, when I was in labor with our first child? Ten minutes, I don’t want to here it!” Needless to say, he was told to man up!

  • http://twitter.com/dudgeoh Dudge OH

    I know us guys are sensitive about anything coming within a foot of that area that doesn’t appear to have good intentions, but jeez…!

    Also, I hope for the sake of everyone, but especially his male friends it doesn’t reverse. I had a friend who had it reverse and he was strutting as he relayed the information and gloating about just how virile he was…! *rolls eyes*

  • Heather

    I have never loved you more.

  • thepears

    So funny.
    It’s only a lil snip on your balls. Man up Jon.

  • http://lulusaysit.com Lulu

    good gracious that was FUNNY AS HELL.

  • Aaron

    In our Mormon house we follow my son’s example and say “JEEZITS!” in place of Jesus. In reality, that’s how he says Cheezits. Hence, that’s how we take the Lord’s name in vain.

  • Nhiro

    What is it with men and needles? My roommate cringes at just the thought of it. I remember giving blood for the first time and having the person trying to insert the needle (repeatedly) into my arm lean over and whisper, “I can’t find her vein”. Now THAT was fun.

    Then again, it wasn’t my vagina she was poking with the needle. :P

    my captcha: “Farrell flowing”

  • elaine

    omg-this made me laugh out loud. my husband spent 2 days in bed after his ‘v-word’ (as we refer to it) and he was complaining when i declared that i would spend the (recommended by my midwife) week in bed after giving birth.

    dude, my swollen lady parts from child birth are WAY different from you having an outpatient procedure on your tubes.

  • http://barnmaven.typepad.com BarnMaven

    Please thank Jon profusely for allowing us to indulge in hysterical laughter at his pain. I think I’ll still be having aftershock giggles when I wake up tomorrow.

  • Lori W.

    Wayne says “welcome to the Club!” and “Be CAREFUL trying to sit in the car or you will feel like you have been kicked in the crotch by a group of cheerleaders!”

    He also says “Dude just wait until you feel better and the SEX gets BETTER than it EVER has BEEN in the last 20-years!!!”

  • http://www.xanga.com/Bratfink Brat

    OMFG, I cried I laughed so hard. Poor Jon! Men are such wusses!

    I hope his NADS don’t swell up to the size of grapefruit because I heard that shit is really uncomfortable.

    Remind him that someday he’ll look back on this and laugh.

  • StaceyP

    Best. Post. Ever. :) I sit here, 41 and pregnant because condoms DON’T always work and apparently, the ovulation cycle can spontaneously change all by itself WITHOUT TELLING ME… anyway. You can bet that conversation has been had here a LOT in the last four months and will continue until my husband has that exact same experience.

  • http://intentional-stones.typepad.com Simbelmynë

    Aaawwwwwwwwwww, poor little baby!

    I’ve tried that Man Cold thing on my husband and kids, just to see what would happen if we reversed rolls.

    a. people kept asking me to read to them, clean up messes, complaining that the food wasn’t good enough.
    b. I felt sicker knowing that nobody was cleaning up after themselves and I was going to have to do it ALL tomorrow.

    I’ll take my next sick day at the beach.

  • Sravana

    OMG I cannot *believe* that you just blogged Jon’s vasectomy.

    Just had to Facebook it, and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

    (Oh, and my validation phrase is “George aids”. I hope that’s not some kind of prophecy about GEORGE!) :(

  • http://30andstartingover.blogspot.com/ “Seattle”Heather

    I feel sorry for Jon. And I hope he has a speedy recovery. I am on day two of my recovery from my Tubal Ligation surgery. Anything that has to do with being cut open just isn’t fun. Period.

  • http://www.youarewhatyoueatorreheat.com katie

    personally, i think you should tell him in about 3 months time that you’ve changed your mind and that you do in fact want another child.

    but i’m kind of evil like that.

  • GEM

    Love the story. My husband had a buxom, Norwegian bombshell for his vasectomy nurse. To hear it in his words, it sounds like a nightmare and fantasy all rolled into one.

  • http://tablefornine.blogspot.com Michelle

    Mine had a panic attack the day before and started vomiting. Like in the exorcist, with the pea soup. He still went through with it. I guess the thought of an eighth child elicited more panic than the vasectomy.

  • Susan

    I had just learned how to drive a standard for my now ex’s ride home after the procedure. Still cracks me up.

  • http://www.CookingSchoolConfidential.com CookingSchoolConfidential.com

    After my husband had a wickedly nasty bout of flu, the women from his office sent me the link to the Man Cold clip. I was laughing so hard that I misunderstood the instructions and, to this day, whenever he is sick, I call him my FAT Little Bunny.

    More accurate, at any rate!

    Cheers.

  • http://www.powertoolswizard.com/ridgid-power-tools.html ridgid power tools

    Vasectomy part of the movie was hilarious…

  • Dawn

    I needed that laugh, thank you :P

  • http://www.aphrodites-creations.com akparisi

    I’ve already had four kids (the last was an emergency c-section that almost killed me – severed artery and all) so I told hubby that if that blasted test is positive one more frickin’ time, I have a home vasectomy kit – wire cutters and a tarp! It’s been 4 1/2 years since the last one . . . he’s safe . . . for now.

  • Tanya

    I hate to focus on the tangent, but it reminded me of those Hillshire Farms commercials. “GO MEAT!!” I don’t even eat meat, and they still make me giggle hysterically.

    Best wishes to Jon. We all think you’re awesome, even tho we join Heather in laughing at you right now. Great story.

  • http://tanyetta.com tanyetta

    HILARIOUS. I LOVED THIS SO MUCH. AWWWWWWW JON. :)

  • http://www.our-married-life.blogspot.com Annie

    Be careful! Our neighbor had a vasectomy 11 years ago, and guess what? His wife is pregnant again. And we haven’t seen any odd cars parked across the street either! Have him get those things checked once a year to make sure there are no swimmers ;)

  • Lilla

    LOL, flipping “man-flu”
    When my bf is whinging about having a cold, i feel like reaching for the pillow and hold it down firmly with both hands…..just to stop the whining.
    It is u-b-e-a-r-a-b-l-e.

  • Amy J.

    Heather, you are a good wife. I did not go with my husband. I sent his father with him, lol.

    He’s a doctor and a big wimp, so I was not in any mood to hear all the complaining. I did however have a major panic attack and cryfest over sterilizing US for the rest of our lives AS he walked out the door to go, lol.

    When I told him Jon had gotten it done, he was all sympathetic and said, “I could have warned him how bad it will suck…after the procedure, for MONTHS.” Yup, warn Jon now, there is “phantom” pain that lingers (for years actually, randomly). Hubs is not happy about that, neither are the fairly large number of guys I’ve talked to who have had the same thing. I hope Jon doesn’t have it, mostly for your benefit because the whining will totally get on your nerves, lol.

    Also, four years AFTER the procedure, when my youngest turned four, I had this overwhelming desire to have another baby. Hubs was very, VERY sweet and offered to reverse it! I changed my mind back to NO more kids (thankfully for him). But it reminded me of that episode of Mad About You, the finale I believe, when Helen Hunt made Paul what’s his face’s character get a vasectomy, then reverse it, only to end up getting it again. My husband says that is his worst nightmare now after having had it done, lol.

    Good luck Jon. Remember to not lift anything heavy!! My father in law loved to tell the story of how he woke up after his was done to have his crotch soaked in blood! A stitch had come undone and he nearly bled to death. But I digress…

  • Jen

    I had my husband, who is not fixed, read this; I thought it was funny. He did not. He was not amused. In fact, the first thing he said, less than halfway through, was, “Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. They don’t put you under for that? No f&*king way. They are knocking me the f*@k out.” I guess he feels pretty strongly about it.

  • Erin

    I laughed so hard I peed a little!

  • http://www.prudenceoctavia.etsy.com Prudence Octavia

    poor Jon, but I am crying with laughter – soooooo vivid.

    I hope he is up and at ‘em soon1

  • Kristen

    To those worried about swimmers. You are required to give ejaculate samples (I believe) at 1 and 3 months to confirm that it worked.

    Even my husband who is quite used to pain thought it hurt. But he was fine with some ice and back to normal the next day.

    He drove himself there and back.

    The doc that did it was named Richard Chop here in Austin. No kidding. He’s the best and everyone knows him because of the name.

  • http://thejunesky.net/ Brent

    As a member of the male sex, I feel for Jon. But as someone who has seen childbirth firsthand, I understand where all the funny comes from. Those are what I like to call the church giggles, when your shoulders are flailing trying to keep it all in.

  • http://eatshootblog.com/ Trish

    I went to the doctor today because I’ve had a bad cold and I needed a Get Out Of Work Free card. While I was there, I mentioned to my lovely doctor that I didn’t get my period last month, and still haven’t had it this month, and since I am exceptionally regular I was a little concerned that maybe something was wrong. He asked me if I could be pregnant. The answer to that is no, because (a) unfortunately I’m not having a torrid affair with Jason Statham and (b) PJ had a vasectomy six years ago

    “It could have corrected itself.”

    “After six years?”

    “Yep, I’ve seen it happen.”

    “With your own eyes? Here in your practice?!”

    “Yep.”

    Holy shit.

    Naaahhh… I’m putting it down to stress.

    So anyway, tonight PJ gets home from work. He knew I was going to the doctor and he asked if I’d asked about the “period thing.” I told him about my doctor’s theory about reconnection.

    “Oh my god, do you realise what that would mean?”

    Yes, I thought to myself. An abortion. Or, if the thought of not having another Ella or Madeleine was too much to bear, then another having another Ella or Madeleine.

    “I’d have to have another vasectomy!!!”

  • Anonymous

    Maybe this is why my local medical clinic gives VALIUM to any man having a vasectomy there.

  • LD

    Oh.my.god. Thank you so much for sharing this. I laughed until I cried.