"Je m'appelle le croissant." Quelle coincidance! MY name is bagel!!

I say you displayed phenomenal patience. What's to judge? Oh, nevermind. Forgot where we were. Yeah, duck.

I want a Nintendo DS! Now I'm sad. FOREVER.

Apparently, Leta and my son have been reading from the same "How to Be A Disgruntled Child" book.

Often heard around my house: "Aye aye aye! You're giving me a headache! This is the WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!" Yeah, the worst day in all of his six years.

Sincerely,
The Worst Daddy In The World.

Ugh. I'm all too familiar with this morning craziness!! This morning we had a 15 minute battle because I said something completely crazy like "put your coat on, it's cold outside". But I have too many kids to worry about arguing. I let her little smart ass shiver in the cold at the bus stop while her teeth chattered and cracked and fell out of her head. I bet she'll remember her coat tomorrow!

I predict that her PMS will last about, oh, nine years. In the meantime, I foresee a diary filled with tragic poetry. She and Chuck will probably like the same music.

Sounds familiar. My daughter often yells "HELP" when we're in the grocery store together. It's always nice to see other shoppers giving the "What kind of mother are you" look. I would give helpful parenting advice if I had any at all.

my parents totally used the fear tactic, and it totally worked. although i definitely needed therapy later on, it got me dressed in the morning. and that's the overall goal, right?

but seriously, it's fine. she'll get over it. or will she?!?! dun dun DUUUNNN!

I want an invitation to the tooth brushing game! Is it BYOB?

Oh Heather..... I'm afraid it will get muuuuch worse before it gets better! I have 7 year old boy/girl twins, and I'm telling you - the drama that surrounds my girl is i n c r e d i b l e. But, the girl that can make you feel like your head will explode one minute, is also the girl who fills your heart with so much joy that you fear it too might explode - am I right?!
Thanks for all that you do Heather - your writing is feakin' awsome!

The sadness and guilt is refreshing. My 7 year old would start by saying "you aren't the boss of me" and it would degrade all the way down to her standing out in front of the school in her PJs. I'll show you who's the boss!

Anyhow, love the site, thanks for the frank commentary.

I believe my daughter first informed me that I was ruining her life when she was about 5. I think I told her that was my mission. She hasn't said it since, and she's 15 now.

I think you handled things very well. But you should have said the Africa stuff out loud.

My second child can pout for DAYS. Drives me crazy. Ends quicker if I ignore it.

No judgment here. My parents "played games" with me, bribed me and threatened me and I plan on doing the same thing to my boys!

Hahahahahahaha. Sorry. Wow, I don't like ANY kids right now. Especially not my own.

Instilling fear is important. My parents did it, and I'm working on it with my three year old. It's not only useful for getting dressed and out the door in a timely manner; it's critical for kids to listen and obey their parents' voices immediately-- "stop right there!" can keep a kid from getting hit by a car or something similarly horrible. If you fail to use these small moments to teach your child what is and isn't acceptable, then you can't be sure that they'll listen to you when it REALLY MATTERS.

My dad explained this to me when I was about 7 or 8... it helped me to realize that his job was to keep me safe, and my job was to LISTEN, whether I understood why or not.

My point is, I think you're on the right track with Leta. She needs to know that what you and Jon say goes, whether it hurts her feelings or not.

The part about instilling fear made me laugh out loud. Because I find myself instilling fear on a somewhat daily basis.

And a little fear... always a good thing. It goes a long way toward making them behave the way they should.

This is a narrative of every morning in my house. My five year old told me this morning, "Mom, you are not so nice before school."

I was like, "Oh yeah? Well, you are not so nice before your daily allowance of high fructose corn syrup." *sigh*

I'm hoping it gets easier?.... maybe not.

This is hilarious! I am SO not ready to be a parent, but I am taking a lot of notes!

Never mind the parenting side of things, I want to applaud Leta for that true piece of menace regarding hiding the Nintendo. That was a masterstroke and one I'd plan to use, were it not for the fact that I'm an adult now and people tend not to confiscate my stuff when I refuse to get up. I guess being self-employed is my masterstroke in that regard, because I can't get fired for being late.

Why that sounds like typical 6 year old behavior. Get ready because...ugh...six sucks.

Dude. I'm TOTALLY with you. I think you pulled it off right :) I also have a child with similar GOING TO HIDE THE DS SO YOU CAN'T TAKE IT AWAY and YOU MADE ME SAD, MOM, WHY DID YOU MAKE ME SAD? tendencies.

You're an amazing mom.

Leta is an evil genius! Threatening to hide her DS. Man, I better hope my 7-year-old doesn't read this, she'll def pick up some ideas.

Aside from that, I say instill the fear, INSTILL THE FEAR! I'm all for it. These children are cut-throat, you gotta take whatever measures you can now before you're old and they're picking your retirement home!

Hahaha, awesome. I can hear Leta saying that.

Your haircut looks phenomenal and best. masthead. ever.

"instilling fear" is the new "accountability"..and there is far too little of it... love & respect is a lesson that needs to be taught from day one, and the benefits last a lifetime...I required it of my 2 girls..they are now 19 & 20 & the most remarkable, loving young women, and a joy to be around. Make it so Moms...you deserve it!!

I have twin eleven year old daughters. My new name is YouresomeanIhateyou. I will answer only to that.
The more they hate you, the better job you're doing. At least that's what I tell myself when I'm lying in bed, curled up in the fetal position.

if you don't give into the urge to invoke africa, you'll be truly failing in your parental duties. think of leta, 20 years from now, with her own kid. she'll have the urge to use something totally overblown as a reason her own kids should be grateful for socks. but where will she be? she'll have no recollection of having been given the same threats, and the great cycle of first-world parenting will be broken. and it will ALL. BE. YOUR. FAULT.

I think our girls were separated at birth-- only ten years apart. Not only do I get to enjoy the everlasting DRAMA only a 15 year old girl can muster, but she still takes off her pants the second she walks in the door, will only eat foods that are white and even then, only if different foods aren't touching.

No judgment here. Life kind of sucks sometimes, and I think that if kids grow up knowing that they don't always get their way, they will be happier for it in the long run. Now I don't mean we should with hold anything from our kids, I am just saying we shouldn't sugarcoat the crummy stuff like the fact that we all have to get up and go to work/school. It is life.

My SON tells me frequently "you are making me DIE"

Speaking as one of the childless, I'm sorry, but I just laughed SO FREAKING HARD at that post.
Getting dressed tomorrow morning is going to be hard without excessive giggling.

My 4 yr old and I have been having talks about how him saying I'm a bad mommy hurts my feelings and he can be upset with me but he doesn't have to say hurtful things. So the next time he was crying under a blanket he stuck his head out and said "Mommy I love you so much, but I'm sorry you are a bad mommy" :)

You are so going to have to take the NintendoDS away from her now! If you don't, she will have even more power than she does now! :)

I just can't imagine why in the world people want girls instead of boys! Girls are E.V.I.L. And it doesn't get any easier as they get older, either!

Good Luck!

LOL!

You know how you know I'm not a parent? When I read that -- "No you're not because I'm going to hide it and you won't find it and then I'll play it without you knowing" -- I thought, Hey, that's clever! At least you know she's smart!

LOL! Oh Heather, thank you for this. We are at the "I am *not* your friend anymore!" stage. Which I would be totally okay with, except she only lets FRIENDS brush her damn teeth.
God help me when puberty sets in.

This goes along with my bf's 7 year old who insists that "This is the WORST day EVER!" when we tell her no. Drama, drama, drama.

Guess I'm lucky I can still use the "oh you're not coming??? ok but I'm leaving, bye!" which is quickly followed by my 3yr old's "wait for meeeeeee!!!"... Ahhhhh but the joys of parenthood. Hang in there!

I have 6 y/o g/g twins. So, to make you feel better, no, it's not just you. And regretfully, it will probably get worse b/4 it gets better. Our best actress line is "this is the worse day EVER" (I also have no patience for this), to which my usual response is a story from my childhood followed by "you don't know what a bad day is". I'll see you in line at the "Mom of the Year awards"...

Someone in our house had to wear pjs to school today. Yep I'm a mean mom who doesn't want to hear the whining. As soon as she whines about clothing choices, it's pjs all day. Today was the first trial of this parental technique. Curious to see what happens tomorrow AM..

"But now I'm going to have a bad day because I'm sad, and then I'm going to have many bad days forever."

I would - if I were you - wish I had this on tape so when, most likely this afternoon, she has forgotten and is enjoying herself you can play it back at her.

I kinda dig how she stood her ground after you got in her face. Sounds like she did it quietly and with much guilt tripping. My kids would have never done such a thing. They do funny in other ways.

(Yes, I find this exchange funny. Nothing worthy of judging, IMO)

I have a 5 year old girl. I totally hear you. And I'm so glad you are blogging about it because now I know I am not alone. (BTW,I would be SO dead so many times over by now, as well!)

wow. my four year old has very similar reactions to my stellar parenting methods. I am worried for the future.

Those asking about the confiscating of the DS: read the story- Leta got out of bed and in between little sentences intended to throw Heather into intense guilt, slowly put her clothing on.

Oh and Barbara? "First"??? What is this, PerezHilton.com?

You make your child get dressed before school??? Where is mom jail because you need to be there! Why don't you really show her and let her go in her underpants one day - I bet you won't have that "getting dressed" issue anymore! HA HA I've got two teen daughters...need I say more??

Did you steal my child in the middle of the night? Because we have that discussion once a week - and mine is 9! The only exception is mine would like to no longer live because life is soooooo hard. I mean, the dressing and eating and going to school...... you know, UM YEAH, LIFE. Welcome to the pre-tweens. Really gets you excited for the next phase doesn't it? YEE HAW. :)

I love it! So dramatic!

LUVVVVVVVV IT!

My most recent favorite in my house is "(grumble grumble) Whatever Mom". Totally sounds better wtih the 7yo tone and eye roll.

I know it wasn't so funny at the time, but I find the drama absolutely hysterical.

I would have totally used the Africa line. Then I would have thrown in a little Darfur and factory farming for good measure.

My son's kindergarten has a "worm" policy, wherein kids who misbehave get these paper worms they have to pin to their name on the calendar. The parents receive a disciplinary notice the same day. Since starting kindergarten and learning about this system, my son gives me 3-4 worms a week. Apparently, I'm on the verge of being expelled from mom-school.

My daughter liked to say things like that too. I vividly remember her WAILING that she was "going to need therapy for this," when I was getting onto her for swearing once. She was around 9 or 10 at the time.

A little fear is good; kids need to know they can't walk all over you. My mother was a very loving and affectionate parent, but she did NOT put up with back talk, and neither did I with my kids. I think you definitely did the right thing with Leta.

When it comes to girls, 5 is the new 2. Today, I threatened my kindergartner w/ a return to preschool b/c putting on socks (which I know would be worth more than gold in Africa!) today was so challenging as they were all too "fuzzy." And thankfully, she wears a uniform b/c I know my life would be utter HELL if we had more of a choice between a skort or a jumper. Rather than making me want to slit my wrists before breakfast I have not even bothered to buy the uniform pants as I know I might as well be asking her to eat a bowl of fish eyes than to wear those. Thankfully I also have two boys, one older and one younger than my daughter, who when I hold up something for them to wear never even glance my way before saying "fine." It's all about finding balance.

I don't fear using threats as a parenting technique. I look at it this way...I didn't listen to my parents because I loved them so much that I wanted to do whatever I could to make them happy and never disobey or disrespect them because I cared about them SO MUCH. Um, NO! I listend because I was AFRIAD! I listend because I was truly scared of what would happen to me if I didn't. I think there is a fine line between being a parent and a drill sargent. It's just the way it has to be in order to teach your children manors and respect.

Bwahahahaha! Girls are a trip. My daughter, the youngest of 4 and the only girl, was an endless source of drama and entertainment. I was fortunate because I had a backup system consisting of her 3 older brothers who she desperately wanted to be like. So, when she'd have a fit about something, she'd hear a chorus of sibling voices telling her to "get over it" or "just grow up" or "this is SO not a big deal." Worked like a charm.

I also kept a jar full of quarters on top of the refrigerator, one jar for each child. At the beginning of the week, I put 7 quarters in each one. If they misbehaved, I took out a quarter. At the end of the week, I gave them whatever remained in their jar. Invariably, my daughter had the fewest quarters, which peeved her to no end, and her brothers would say, "See? Yet another reason to stop being a poop-head."

Eventually, all the peer pressure and monetary deprivation affected her in a good way (along with copious amounts of love and loving guidance). Her teachers were always telling me how cooperative and helpful she was in class, and compassionate toward her classmates. In high school, she won all sorts of awards for being awesome in various ways. Now, she is a vibrant, creative 20-year-old, and simply a delight to be with.

There Is Hope!

P.S. If you can find a nearby drama program, sign her up! It's a great outlet and diffuser for all those burgeoning emotions :-)

2 comments
1-OMG this gets worse? My daughter is almost 2 1/2 and the morning battles are driving me nuts. What gives. I thought this would get better before her teen years and the obvious drama that comes with that.
2-Threats are not a normal occurance in everyone's house? I try so hard to be patient, but it seems like every other sentence out of my mouth is you can do X, or you can go to your room, your choice. She fights us on everything.

Infancy, nursing every 3 hours for months, I could do that. Trying to outsmart a 2 year old, I'm losing fast. I love your idea to make it a game though. I might have to figure out how to tweak that into something that will work for a 2 year old.

oh yes ... I have had those days with my girls.
I did learn something along the way however, as it finally struck me one day - WHY does she do this on days that I a) had no sleep for a week, b) am sick, or c) have PMS myself???

Ahh .. light bulb went off!! It is a mirror.

So ... I found when I could (was not always for sure) ..I showered and got myself energized or at least went into bathroom alone and pinched my cheeks and put on a happy face, before entrancing into children. I over exaggerated being happy.

It mostly worked - well except for my when I had horrific PMS myself and was possessed by demons. So usually.

Hahahahahaha! If I had said that to my father, I wouldn't be alive today either.
She'll get over it. ;)

Did you know that you are using a behavior management technique that people write books about? For the REALS. And you are doing it beautifully. I think it's called 1-2-3 Magic. Anyway, we have a list of "Key Phrases" in our preschool classroom and many of them are similar to, "I'm sorry you feel that way. It's time to do work now." I particularly enjoy, "That's a bummer." I work with kids who have behavior disorders. When they swear at me and kick me, I say, "That's a bummer. Go sit in time out."

Dude, Leta cracks me up.

This is NOTHING! You have two girls. TWO! Just wait. Wait until they're BOTH so sad they can't go on with life, and it's all your fault. Forget Africa. Forget rationale. You will never believe how badly you want to shake the shit out of something you gave birth to as you do when you have girls.

And another thing... GUH-ERRRRLS!

Yup, she's got an acute case of the 5 year old drama llamas. Infects my house a good 6 days a week. Thank god she's in school. I'm always super disappointed when I wave goodbye to mine while she's trying to make me feel guilty!

Judge you? I applaud you! It's like you were describing half of my mornings...well, and afternoons...and evenings. My daughter is 3 months shy of age 5 - so I usually get a drop-to-the-floor-tantrum followed by..."I'm sad"...then "you are the worst mommy in the world!" Yeah, it is also a whole Academy Award Winning performance! All that drama is after she has the smart mouth with me saying "I'll just do it anyway..." I agree...I wouldn't be here today if those words came out of my mouth as a child! Hmmm. Maybe I need to instill more fear?

My boss just asked me to do a project I dislike so I used the Leta line of "I'm sad and my whole day is RUINED!"

It didn't work.

Reality based parenting is most effective. Parent with her future in mind and you'll be just fine.

Well crap - now I feel bad about telling my son that he needed a trip to Africa to see what life is really like...I didn't know that wasn't acceptable when he acts like a major brat b/c the world is handed to him on a platter. Lucky for him though...I am more oft to go on about how I left the house at 7:00am and didn't get home until 6:30pm and I know he is hungry but give me ONE MINUTE TO BREATHE! :)

Now I feel less alone in my frustration with my belligerant and stubborn 6 yr old girl.

It"s time for the story of "The Boy Who Cried 'Wolf'" for the kid who yells "help" at the grocery store. She's gonna be real sorry if she ever really needs help and people think she's just being assy again.

That said, wow, the drama. I was afraid to try that even in my teen years. Of course, we also had so few things that could be taken away - no iPods, video games, etc. My parents couldn't really threaten to take away my books or my sports equipment, which was the only stuff I cared about. (the softball glove couldn't be taken away because it would affect the other kids on my teams).

I have a 6 year old 5 year old 4 year old and 2 year old girls. My 1 year old is a boy. I think i love him more than he will ever know. Drop leta off here, she can join our drama club. And there will be plenty of room soon since my husband plans on fixing up the basement for himself to curl up with ear plugs and his friend jack daniels.

Oh crap is this a glimpse into my future? I have a 2 year old AND a 3 month old daughter...

@simpliSAHM: Is there even a difference, y'know, aside from the maxi pad usage?

I do believe Leta is the reincarnation of my Jewish Grandmother, who used to say things like, "Oh don't worry that I can't make the (graduation, birthday, wedding) I'll just sit here and think happy thoughts.....which are the only happy thoughts I have these days. Sigh. I'm not long for this world...."
Nana?!?! Is that you?!?!

It's like we have the same daughter!

I absolutely adore that kid!!!
And I absolutely agree with you, Heather....a little fear is definitely needed! I think the younger generation really needs to have a little fear. I don't know, maybe it keeps you responsible.
We may have DONE most of the same junk that kids do today but at least we knew to fear our parents' wrath and I believe it may have made us think twice. Fear is good! Up with fear! I look at some of the stuff my nieces and nephews do and say and I think "my mother would have killed me just for thinking that much less doing it!"

oy vey. i totally feel your pain. my son, who just turned 6 last month, has the dramatic tendencies and attitude of a 16 year old girl. EVERY MORNING i have the "my GOD son....i can not be late for work again. could you PLEASE put your effing pants on!?!?!". if i turn my back for a millisecond, he will have gotten back in the bed, removed any clothing that i have tackled him and forced on him as he flails like he is on fire, and be ASLEEP. AGAIN. seriously. and oh boy....the commentary that comes out of that kids mouth is amazing. the most frequent things he says are: "this is the worst day EVER!", "i am so stupid!", "why do you make ME DO EVERYTHING!?!". you know, everything, like say....picking up his shoes so nobody kills themselves tripping over them. geez, what pressure that has to put on him! he has also told me things like leta said about her ds. i have threatened to do all sorts of things, and that little person will tell me in no uncertain terms that "nu uh, i'll get it back". thank you JESUS for medication. and vodka. :)

Loved, loved this post.....

As a mother of 2 daughters (ages 20 and 23)....enjoy the hysterics....Best memories ever now.

I had basically the same morning you had. Except my son would never be the same again because I was mad at him. Of course, I wasn't mad. I just wanted him to PUT HIS CLOTHES ON!! I only asked him about 4 kazillion times before I took away video games for a day.

-->I think fear is a good thing. You're not her best friend but her mother. FEAR THIS. ;-)

This has been one of my favorite posts to date. Thanks for the chuckle.

www.WebSavyMom.com

http://angheiz.blogspot.com

On a daily basis, I use "If you don't get outside to the van right this second, we're just going to have to leave you at home all day. By yourself. Hope you've learned to cook and subsequently call 911. You're going to need it." Works every time. She'll figure out a way around THAT by the time she's 3.

How can I judge, when my daughter and I have had similar discussions already- and she's not even 4 years old!!!

Oh my god. That was my morning. Except that I told her I'd take a quarter out of her bank, and she said she didn't care, and so I walked off w/ the whole bank and then went back and pulled her pajamas off of her, and now she now wants to run away. Then my husband made the mistake of saying sometimes he wants to run away too, and now she's making plans for them both to run away. Just for one night, and just somewhere close, so she can go to school tomorrow, of course. Oh, and she says she just wants to have a peaceful house, and Mama won't let it be peaceful. Do I feel like shit? Yep, I do...

My five year old just did something like this when I made him shut off his video game. He declared that he hates me, he's going to run away from home and I'll never see him again, and DO I WANT HIM TO GET HIT BY A CAR??!!!

Deep breaths.

Candace

Good Gravy Marie!
I have been there and done that. I'm still going through this kind of thing but on an older level. I threaten my 18 year old all the time. "If you don't take that drunken picture of yourself off Facebook, I'm taking the car away, FOREVER!"
It never ends, but I do love the fact that Leta is so smart that she has it down pat already.

Good Luck!!!

wanted to add: I once screeched my car to a halt, turned around and said "PARDON ME??" to my son when I got lip from the backseat. (Luckily it was a sideroad with no one behind me.) He got the point. I have also been known to silently turn the car around and drive back home when getting attitude. When he figures out we are not going where he thought we were, apologies fly fast.

Oh, thank goodness. I thought my 5-year old was the only one! Fantastic story. Thank you for sharing.

My oh so often comment to my children, especially my 7 year old drama queen, "well, my job is to keep you fed, clothed and safe...happy is not my responsiblity!" And, then I walk away..."hope you don't miss the "mommybus" to school sweetie, as you pout away your life"

ahhhhhh the joy of girl drama....

When my three kids whine and tell they "want" something, I have been known to say "Well, people in hell want ice water"; and then I have a drink. At noon.

I win for parent of the year.

...and I love comment #159. Where is it written that we have to make kids happy all the time? Did I sign a form that makes this claim?

You were spot on with Leta.

Sounds exactly like mine. She has a habit of talking way too much in the mornings before school and it drives me bizzerk. Both my girls lolly gag. My ten year old will be getting her period way before your five year old so trust me...I know what your dealing with:) The Joys of Motherhood!!

While writing my previous comment, I forgot to include my personal motto that helped keep me afloat during my child rearing years: My job as a parent is not to make my children love me, but to make them lovable by others :-)

it's not just girls. this sounds very much like my eight year old son, who is giving lessons to his six year old brother. except their favourite thing to say to (scream at) me is, "i hate you!" it's ever so much fun. :|

Well, my wife and I (25 years and 5 kids later) must have been ahead of our time, because our oldest is 22, youngest is 18 (there's a set of twins in there), and they are remarkable, much better behaved than their sometimes spoiled, over-indulged 'rents.

We had many mornings like this one, and a few more that were worse, and I can attest that drawing the line as you did (we did it much more assertively) pays huge dividends in respectfulness, patience, and self-control. Our children learned that there are limits to people's patience with them, and that includes Mom & Dad.

We've had lots of parents "correct" us about this over the decades, but my retort (usually along the lines of "see me in 10 years when your spawn are as old as mine, and let's compare notes then") always concludes with a favorite of my mother's sayings when my siblings and I were little: "The Earth revolves 'round the sun, child, not you, and the sooner you learn that, the happier you'll be."

Ha! Ha! I am a substitute teacher-resigned from full time to spend more time with my baby-and I was teaching Kindergarten the other day. It came time for recess and all of the kids have to go outside, they don't have a choice. One little girl was refusing, big time. Before I had left for work that morning I asked my husband-who had experience teaching Kindergarten-what to do if they are misbehaving? He said the sure fire solution was to say "What would your mom think of your behavior? Do I have to tell her?"

Remembering this advice from my husband, I looked the little five year old girl with flaming red hair in the eyes and said, gravely, "What would your mother think of you acting like this?" She stared right back at me and said, "SHE'S not going to know, because YOU don't know my phone number!" Imagine my double take...and my OH NO YOU DID NOT, which immediately sprung to mind!

The wee ones are smart these days. I was trying to hide laughter while at the same time thinking of a solution to the problem. Eventually, she went outside...one point for the teacher!

Sigh. It is lovely that she has started her emo, pouty tween years early. Just think - it won't be long now until she starts reading Twilight and listening to Morrissey.

For 6+ years, we have practiced the parenting technique of "I'm sorry you feel that way..." or "it must be frustrating to have that happen..." It works. To a point. There are many times, however, when you need to use the glare or well-timed threat. We are animals, you need to establish dominance every once in a while.

I know: you've been beyond busy to have caught this, but for a giggle in light of this story, check out Flight of the Conchords' video from a number this season called "Hurt Feelings."

And please post the toothbrushing game in the community... I need some ideas for this little chore.

@Lunaticinthehouse

I'm 23, I still take my pants off immediately upon coming home & I still won't eat foods that touch eachother :)

I guess us girls are just trouble forever.

I'm logged in! I'm logged in! I think this might be my second comment ever in several years of reading every post. Just had to say that you're freaking hilarious.

First of all "Wackadoo" is one of my favorite words. Secondly, I want to agree with everyone else in saying that you are extremely patient. Thirdly, I love the new community.

My daughter has so many of the same personality traits, it has to be a five year old thing. Or maybe it's a child born in February of 2004 thing. Either way, I have to commend you for your patience. I frequently have to get up and walk away so that I won't smack my daughter.

I think a little fear is good - it's called respect. (I'm 37 and I'm still a little scared of my mom when she's mad!) It let me know, as a child, that SHE was in charge, not me. Leta wants you to be in control because you will keep her safe; if she feels like she's in control that's a pretty scary feeling for a kid. It sounds like you were very patient and gentle with her (how did you keep a straight face??).

If you're really lucky, you be starting through menopause just as your girls hit puberty. I'm already praying for Jon.

My younger daughter started her periods at 9 1/2. Yes. Yes, it was. But I'm much better now.

"And I can guarantee you, Leta, that any time you dare talk to me like that I will make you sad. Very, very sad indeed. Now. Finish getting dressed before I make you even sadder."

I am an evil mom. But neither of mine are in jail, so there's that.

Courageous post, Heather! And can I just say... my daughter is a few months younger than yours, but she is EXACTLY like Leta in this... almost exact wording, too.... "You've hurt my feelings" or "I'm always sad, even if I'm laughing"...
I once asked her to turn down the volume on her singing. She was so hurt, she told me she'd NEVER-EVER sing again and it was all my fault!

That scene you described plays out exactly the same at my house. Not every day, but whenever I'm not 'at the top of my game'.... bright perfectionist girls who try to get their perfectionist mothers to pull it together?

You're doing her a huge favour by showing her that mums and dads are not perfect and that life still goes on, even is richer for it.

I try not to buy into her making me feel guilty while still owning up to my shit (Sorry, I yelled at you...). We're imperfect. And yes, she's singing again... :-)

It's always good to laugh out loud at work so others think you're crazy! Too funny.

My kid is SO ADVANCED NOW that he manages to whimper while one eye tears up dramatically and he starts the whole "but-SOB-I-SOB-need-my-SOBSOB-ds- or-I-will-be-sad-SOB-forEVER Mommy -" complete with hitching intake of breath and look of absolute desolation.

It almost works on me sometimes. ALMOST.

Fast forward 9 years to a freshman in high school who is overwhelmed with homework and this is the drama that I hear... "I'll never be able to finish all this homework, I'll get a bad grade, flunk the class, and I won't get into a good college...my life is ruined!"

Who can judge someone for not letting their 5 year old manipulate them in to getting their way? Stupid question because of course someone WILL. However, kudos to you. I would not be alive if I said something like that {or like my kiddos say sometimes} to my parents!

And I took my DD to the pediatrician last January to see if she was going to start her period early due to all the attitude and drama going down. She was 7. The answer was no!

I'm having the same problem with my six-year-old daughter talking back to me. But she's just too clever. I told her once to watch her mouth and you know what she said? "I can't watch it because I can't see it!" How do you punish a child whose thought process is so profound?

for as long as i can remember my mother has told me that MOM stands for Mean Old Mother.

Well, I had boys, but drama can be fun with them, too! My grandma used to tell me, you just relax, dear, you only need to stay one step ahead of them.

My boys are now all men (youngest just turned 21 today), so here are my pointers, feel free to ignore:

Toothbrushing: This works best with an older child, perhaps: Mom: OK, you don't want to brush your teeth? Well, take this mirror and take a good look inside your mouth. Pick the one tooth you want to keep and just brush that one.

Fear: I think what you need to do be able to do, is in the event of an emergency, get everyone to MOVE fast if need be. If you are always in explaining mode, you or your kid is going to be up s creek in the event of an emergency. Think about this; you'll come up with something.

Getting up and dressed in the morning: Hoo boy! Here's my best advice: Dress them for bed in what you expect them to wear in the morning. They will be wrinkled but who cares? The thing is, after their bath, they dress in tomorrow's clothing. This can make mornings much more enjoyable. When they get older and more interested in what they wear, tell them at such and such a time they are leaving the house (this works best if you start when they are small enough that you can lift them up if necessary). And, at that time, they leave the house, you can assist if needed. Guaranteed they will go to school only once wearing only one sock.

Pick your battles: If you threaten to take something away, be prepared to do just that, no matter what the darling says back at you.

Above all: Enjoy each stage of each child; they are truly only that way for a very short time. Which is something one tends to forget while they are being so entertaining.

Kate, you are a GREAT mom, and Leta is going to be a wonderful ACTRESS.

Everyone who has a kid who can hold onto anything (like a pout) for hours or even days: in the adult world that is called persistence, and is highly thought of.

Aww, they're so good at that guilt-trip/manipulation at that age. My 10 yr old has a lovely trick of looking like a severely depressed child when I tell him to, oh, make his bed...hang his jacket up...put his dishes in the sink. You know, completely harmless parenting things. It used to make me feel horrible, but now I just shake my head and say "Yeah, I know, I'm just a HORRIBLE mom". You know, when he complained that I was a strict parent (because, unlike most of the parents in our neighborhood, I enforce tv/video game limits and bedtimes), I have to admit I smiled on the inside.

Oh my god...did I write this? I think I wrote this. Every day my delightfully precocious 6-year-old boy and I engage in this exact same dance, from the no-sleep-baby-sister to the hiding-instead-of-changing-for-school to the DS threat (which has lost its luster, since I have yet to 'set it on fire and throw it out the window' as so often promised).

Is there a bulk discount for Drama Camp?

So first of all, HILARIOUS.

The drama of girls makes me thankful that I have two boys. Seriously, there is a reason I don't have a girl. You have way more patience than I have, and I think you did a great job handling the situation. What a smart kid to tell you she would hide her DS, and a little fear is a GOOD thing.

Just think, in about 15 years you will all three be on your period at the same time. Jon might as well just kick himself in the balls now.

...you mean that's not how mornings are supposed to go?

Oh Heather, my two year old is about to start her period too. I thought I was the only one with a premature emotional wreck on my hands. You know what I've noticed, she gets worse when I'm PMSing. Her evil side turns up the volume when she absorbs my hormones. I wrote about her moody issues on my blog http://memyselfandmommy.com/2009/07/15/moanna-is-pmsing/

I have no idea what to do when she actually hits the teen years

Circa 1969 -

Mom: "Get your ass out of that bed and put your clothes on before I knock you into the middle of next week."

or

::shaking her fist in my face:: "You know what this means? Do you? It means HOSPITAL!!"

This is the same woman that threw rocks at my brother all the way to the bus stop because he didn't want to go to school.

I love that mean ol' bitch. :P

dude. She has a DS? For reals?

And ooftas. Malka went to the damn same acting class as Leta. SO DAMN GLAD TO KNOW IT'S NOT JUST HER.

oh man, i have a 5 yr old and i am right there with you. the drama!

the latest is claiming that he "can't" do things. like the other morning he "couldn't sit up on my bed because it was too slippery." i watched him flopping around like a beached manatee for a few minutes, then went downstairs and played solitaire on my iphone till he *somehow* managed to get himself out of bed.

I would say that my 3 year old kid is PMSing, but he's a boy. Today was day six in the telenovela, Marcos Goes to Preschool. And EVERY SINGLE DAY I leave him, he's a crying, snotty, clinging, screaming mess! His screams are so high pitched, they melt off the finger paint artwork hanging on the walls. And now all the other parents hate us. I now take him in a little later so that his screams don't wake up the other kids from their nap. Today, after I left with my aching heart full of guilt, fighting back tears (again), I called his room to check in on him. I wasn't even out of the parking lot, when his teacher said, "Oh, he's fine. He's calm and now we're getting ready for snack." Duh-rama boy indeed!

I love 5/6 year old girls. My daughter had a bad day the other day and told me I needed to cover her in bubble wrap :O) (She kept falling and tripping!)

I have a son and a daughter now in their 20s. I love hearing about life in your household.
Thanks for making my daughter's day by stopping and taking a photo with her at the Pioneer Woman's book signing in SLC tonight!
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/note.php?note_id=176177345918

No judgement here! I have a just-turned-three-year-old boy who is challenging in all the same ways: needs routine, needs predictability, needs me to not deviate one iota from how he brushes his teeth before bed. To disrespect these things is to make him 'very, very sad' (but since we live in Poland, he is 'bardzo, bardzo smutny'). I have developed the patience of Job - in two languages - along with the ability to roll my eyes hard enough to rupture something (when his back is turned, of course!)

well, you made it 5 years before you made her sad. congrats.
and yeah, we've had the africa talk here.

In my opinion, you have the patience of Job.

My just-turned-three-year-old loves to tell me that I've "made her sad" and have "hurt her feelings." Though, we've not gotten to the FOREVER stage yet. Soon, I'm sure.

Her favorite, however, is, "Mom, you're not respecting my wishes."

Shame on me.

Oh WOW! My 4yo doesn't do the arms-flailing-lying-on-the-floor-screaming-blue-murder kind of tantrum either, but WHOOO BOY, does she have the whole crying-coughing-almost vomiting thing down! I share your pain.

@damaris

You could be right re. the triplet thing... if yet another kindred (and tortured) Mommy soul is out there, she may well be chiming in soon.

And when the darlings get older you can use the I'll remove the games off the computer if you don't............ Yes, we did it. What you have there is the beginnings of "baby PMS." Midol works if YOU take it.

Wait until she's 14 and you take her phone away....(oh yes, I did it)

My sister told me a story about her friend and her daughter and your story reminded me of that.

It was breakfast and the kid wanted waffled. Mom says, "We don't have waffles, you can have cereal or pancakes." Kid says "I want waffles!" and mom repeats the cereal or pancakes option. Kid starts to cry her eyes out because she wants waffles dammit. Mom says something along the lines of "I know you're sad because you want waffles but we don't have any waffles. So you can either choose to be sad or choose to be happy but either way, we still don't have any waffles." And the kid, through the tears and sniffles says "I... *sniff*... choose... *sob*... happy!". The way my sister tells it is adorable.

Erika, Your post stabbed me in the heart..my daughters used to say the same thing about me being the cause of all of the uproar (insert reason here)..they even told our family therapist this (a woman, and I highly recommend having one on board)..said therapist was able to show them the error of their ways (including passive/aggressive hubby)..anyhoo, many years have passed, girls are now 19 & 20, marriage is entering 23 years, and I totally have their love and respect, which is all I wanted all along. Peace and harmony now reigns, and I resist the temptation on a daily basis to say "I told you so!" My daughters are loving, confident young women, and my husband gives me much credit (he is a great dad)...so stick to your guns, and keep your eye on the big picture...I'm rooting for you!!

You're so super awesome.

Lately I have been wondering what aliens have taken over my 5 YO boy's body but after reading the comments, I see its all normal.

The latest round of insanity was about a toy. He insisted he gets it. Our response was either put it on your christmas list or save up your $. "You always say that", "can't we combine our $ so I can buy it", "you are not fair" and on and on.

I have a 8 mo old with poor sleeping habits, so zero patience here.

Threats and fear, yep that's my style too.

I just read this whole post to my 14 year old daughter who laughed hysterically and said "Leta's only 5? They're in trouble!"

LOVE it! My child has 5 different types of crackers on his plate with a bite taken out of each of them and now he's "all done". I wish I had the patience to put together an action plan--now I'm listening to "more cracka". Good luck with Leta! I'm glad I have boys!

At least you didn't do "Shingles" right in her face. I swear that's my DO. WHAT. I. SAID. look and it scares the living crap. You'd think I'd learn - it gets me nowhere except children paralyzed with fear and still unable to follow instruction. Is there such a place as "Fine, gas your friends out with your breath." avoiding the whole crazy eyeballs all together?

My 14 yr old daughter was a nightmare as a young child. I was told that she would be just like that in her teenage years, only worse. It's true. I used to be the kinder, gentler parenting type. I am here to tell you that some fear is a good thing. She's currently in therapy (long story involving an ex). We were having a repetitive discussion about her lack of effort in school. I said if she just got it handled we wouldn't have to talk anymore because this is all we talk about anyway. She nastily replies, "Well, what do I need you for anyway? I have Ashley (her therapist)!" I responded, "Because Ashley doesn't pay for the fucking roof over your head, sweetheart!"
Apparently, I was channeling my dead father...

I have a 4 y/o who constantly reminds me that "you don't let me do ANYTHING!".

Last night he told me he was "not going to love me anymore" after I told him, yes, he was going to put on his pajamas.

It's hard, so very hard, trying to come up with ways to get them to do what you need done. I also use the iPhone timer to the point where Caiden now tells me set the timer!

But the pouting thing, how do they learn that? I get the shoulders dragging on the floor and then "YOUR MEAN"!

In my day, if I didn't do what I was told, I got a spanking. When I got older, restriction from things I loved to do. I don't remember feeling abused or not loved.

Sorry but I did have a great laugh out of this episode of Leta, good to know everybody has the same problems. WHEW!

My hubby takes our oldest to school. When he was in kindergarten we were having trouble with him reading and lollygaggying. So my husband and I devised a plan that my hubby leave without him. I of course had to take him to school, but it was worth it because I only had to take him once. He never lollygags because he knows if he does he'll be stuck going to school with Mom.

This post and the following comments are hella good birth control.

classic!

I would have busted a gut trying not to laugh because really, that drama gives me the giggles.

Advice from comment #192 must be taken immediately.... memorize the following dialogue and use liberally:

"And I can guarantee you, Leta, that any time you dare talk to me like that I will make you sad. Very, very sad indeed. Now. Finish getting dressed before I make you even sadder."

Nip this in the bud, or you will have TR-UH-UH-BLE. Well, you're gonna have trouble anyway, but at least she'll be dressed for school.

Are you saying that my 5 year old SON is going to menstruate. he behaves the exact same way.