The inside track
Last week Leta learned how to make get well cards at school, and so over the weekend she ran with that idea, holed herself up in her room and started her own printing press:
I have to admit, yes, this is adorable and such a sweet gesture, but the first thing I thought is OH GOD. MARCO? Not only do we have to deal with the whole MARIO scenario, now people might mistake the L for a C?! Are we going to spend the rest of our lives going, no, in fact I did not name my daughter Marco, but I appreciate your concern. Now, let's have a talk about your son, Kayedynne.
Sorry, that was mean. But if you live in Utah YOU TOTALLY UNDERSTAND, AM I RIGHT?
Anyway, we suggested that it might be a good idea to make cards for all the grandparents; for Grandmommy, for Grandpa Rob, for Grandpa Mike, for Grandma Nelta, for Grandma Della— and she was all, WAIT WAIT WAIT. That's WAY too much, and she says, "How about I just do one for Linda and Rob?"
"Why just one for Linda and Rob?" I asked, learning for the first time that she knows my mother's first name.
"Because I don't want to have to do all that writing. I'd get SO tired."
I told her we'd help her with all those other names, and as she handed me this card she leaned in close to my ear and whispered, "Guess what Linda does sometimes?"
Always eager for gossip on my mother I said, "Please tell me what Linda does sometimes!" I cannot wait until she is old enough that I can follow up that sentence with, "How about another martini!"
"Sometimes," she said, "sometimes Linda calls Rob, 'ROBERT'!!" And then she gasped as if she had just revealed that Grandmommy is actually a baby-killing liberal who hopes for a public option.
My eyes widened as far as they could go, and I was all NO SHE DOESN'T! And Leta was all OH HELL YES! Except without the HELL. It's just, that was the expression on her face. And if she knew that I wouldn't take away her Nintendo DS for saying it, she probably would have.
So I called my mother and said, dude, do I ever have the dirt on you.
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FM Living
meganbeth said:
Oh hell to the yes :)
11.24.09 - 11:53 AM / 1Jacquie said:
Kids love a good scandal, don't they? I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the handmade card phase, it just never gets old. I exploited the total weirdness that my own children offered on my recent birthday cards by posting them on my blog. Yes, yes we are saving for therapy:
http://meandyouandellie.blogspot.com/2009/11/litti...
11.24.09 - 11:50 AM / 2radkitch said:
watch her....i have a feeling she'll sell you out in a NY minute! Leta and her state secrets...
11.24.09 - 11:55 AM / 3fat mum slim said:
Oh I love kids and how excited they get.
Such scandal!
11.24.09 - 11:56 AM / 4Mrs. Williams said:
Kids are just AWESOME for dirt. My kid is like the Perez Hilton of little girls.
11.24.09 - 11:56 AM / 5Daddy Scratches said:
Very funny. Always interesting to get reports from the kids about your parents.
Of course, in our case, we usually have to follow our kids' revelations with a brief word or two about how their grandparents sometimes are completely insane.
11.24.09 - 11:57 AM / 6Karla J said:
I made the mistake of telling my Mom my son was conceived while on vacation at Marco Island. She called him Marco until I finally made her stop.
11.24.09 - 12:05 PM / 7KellyKjellberg said:
oh fuck! thats hilareous!
11.24.09 - 12:07 PM / 8cshift3 said:
Kids will say anything and everything. Which is good when it's about other people, but not as funny when it's about me...
Once my 8 year old daughter asked me if I forgot to take my crazy pills.
And everyone at my kids school knows that I'm allergic to bromine...TMI!!
11.24.09 - 12:08 PM / 9proud momma of one said:
I can't wait until my 7 month old can talk! haha! Hilarious!
11.24.09 - 12:11 PM / 10firefly1818 said:
How about an easy nickname for Mario-Marco...? something simple, like...ummm...like MARIA???
11.24.09 - 12:12 PM / 11Janice said:
More importantly - how long did the telephone call with your mother last? Did you break any records?
11.24.09 - 12:14 PM / 12Penelope said:
This cracks me up. My mother had my son over the weekend while I was gone and he informed me, in hushed tones upon my arrival, that GRANDMA TOOK ME OUT FOR FAST FOOD. And I've been drinking chocolate milk all weekend. So there, Mom. Hope you had fun.
11.24.09 - 12:19 PM / 13kristanhoffman said:
Hmm, maybe there should be a Leta series of greeting cards in your Dooce store? ;D
11.24.09 - 12:17 PM / 14Bibbitybobbityb... said:
Oh my god, Kayedynne... What the hell is wrong with these parents. They've ensured that their kid will forever have to assist their teacher in the pronunciation of their name. Utah is the wacko made up name capital.
Kids and dirt = pure comedy. My oldest is the TMZ of the neighborhood. Who's mom got a boob job, who's dad secretly drinks beer in the garage (gasp), who's dog keeps leaving presents near the front door of the grouchy lady on the corner. We get it all. She should blog about it. It's good stuff. (Yes, we live in Utah in a neighborhood where more than half of the women have eyelash extensions (I know, WTF right?), new boobs, multiple trainers, and nannies... but they all stay home. And, where their husbands have lots of little secrets that help them stay sane!)
11.24.09 - 12:21 PM / 15tanyaself said:
Can I first just say what a beautiful girl Leta is. What a great pic of her before she is off to school to learn how to make cards. She will be running Hallmark before long!
11.24.09 - 12:27 PM / 16mommaruthsays said:
She certainly has got this whole gossip thing down pat; who knows she could become the Perez Hilton of the Salt Lake City area!
11.24.09 - 12:29 PM / 17Jenni said:
I totes thought it said "Marco." Don't hurt me.
11.24.09 - 12:43 PM / 18TexasKatie said:
Watch out with the little kid tattlers - I have one of those at home! :-) How cute that Leta thought that was such a juicy tidbit, though - she is too cute.
11.24.09 - 12:30 PM / 19lifewithkids said:
LOL, I totally thought she was going to say that sometimes your mom tooted. I hope that doesn't make me sound to adolescent.
11.24.09 - 12:31 PM / 20simpliSAHM said:
Oh yes, as a former Utah resident/Mormon I'm all too familiar with the weird name spellings, but to fair, let's not forget about naming kids after prophets/general authorities.
11.24.09 - 12:31 PM / 21Daisy JD said:
One of the (few) things I miss about living in Utah is the birth announcements. How many times will the phrase "Aubriella is not a real name" have to escape my lips in one lifetime? I'd argue that once is once too many.
11.24.09 - 12:35 PM / 22LovingDanger said:
At least that's the only dirt she's got... I'm sure when my daughter is Leta's age she'll come home and tell me all about how Grandma hates the Chinese. Yep, cause I've got a lovely mother in law like that!
11.24.09 - 12:36 PM / 23MichelleC said:
I am from Utah and I SO GET the whole name thing. It's like everyone around here (mostly the Mormons)makes up names with "creative spelling" to throw us all off. And there always seems to be an "ay/den" attached to it. Brayden, Cayden, Kaylance, Tayden GRRRR! Enough with the creative names and spelling (you know who you are).
11.24.09 - 12:39 PM / 24marialoo said:
It's not just Utah that has the crazy names. Sometimes I think parents start with a grab bag of letters (both lower case and capital) and punctuation, just pulling random stuff out until they have a "name". Ij'laTay'ah or some crazines.
11.24.09 - 12:51 PM / 25Lara said:
How's this for a name: Tamaleana. No? OK, Kambryn? Haylen? Maybe Mirrorosa? I kid you not, these are all names of children on my current case docket. Mirrorosa alone is grounds for filing an abuse and neglect petition, don't you agree?
11.24.09 - 12:56 PM / 26alice q. said:
At least you didn't name Marlo something that starts with the letter V or else people might confuse her name with Vernal Independence. Oh lord.
11.24.09 - 12:57 PM / 27boygenius said:
Okay, one of the names on that list was Abcde?? I guess the logical progression is Fghij, Klmno, etc. Also, moments like that- with Leta- make me want to have kids.
11.24.09 - 01:04 PM / 28WebSavyMom said:
-->I saw Marco on her card and thought, Uh Oh. Maybe you should just start calling her Marlo Polo?
~deb
11.24.09 - 01:08 PM / 29jenspillman said:
They have NaLa'DeLuhRay listed as a boy's name. Whatever, it's totally a girl's name.
11.24.09 - 01:10 PM / 30