• liefie

    first of all, i distinctly remember a post where you talked about baking cookies for leta’s class and how you take them out of the oven a bit early because i totally wanted to try it, so i’m sure you do just fine in the kitchen
    also, this is how i bake too! For sifting I use the colander that I strain pasta in, and as a rolling pin I tend to use glasses (which is probably less effective than a cylindrical vase as they are not a uniform width. glad i’m not the only one!

  • beads in the belfry

    that was hilarious. thank you. lol.

  • InkedGirl76

    I wish you would adopt me so I can come live in Wackadoo land. The girls are so gorgeous. I love seeing the new pics of Marlo as she grows!!

  • MustangSally

    Next time just skip all the cooking bullshit and just buy a roll of Pillsbury sugar cookie dough and the frosting and sprinkles.

    I do like to cook/bake – but hate doing dishes. Besides when the cost of buying all the ingredients ends up a lot more that what I can get buying something already prepared (and fabulous) at Costco or the grocery deli my enjoyment fizzles. I’d much rather save the tornado from hitting my own kitchen and pay a couple of local deli/bakery workers to do it for me. It’s a community service when you think about it. They get paid well, good benefits and everything. It’s selfish to cook everything from scratch.

  • Kaff627

    Forget the scissors, use peanut butter to get anything sticky out of your hair…I wasn’t allowed gum for a number of years so I can confirm that peanut butter works quite well!!

  • mommaruthsays

    Do you think there’s any way you can talk Leta into doing a SPRINKLES! dance comparable to your SHINGLES! dance? You know, just ’cause it’d be awesome like that.

  • The Prima Momma

    Heather!!! You put PEPPER in your gingerbread cookies?

    You may enjoy my recipe area:
    http://theprimamomma.com/?p=1306

    I think it captures exactly how you feel while baking. (And the recipe is awesome)

    **Not for the easily offended.

  • Keri

    “Jesus? Didn’t he self-rise?”

    That totally made my day!

  • tigerlily.

    Hahaha I decided that I would make pie crust from scratch this past summer, and planned it all SO WELL until it came time to roll out the dough. I, too, was sans rolling pin. And lazy. And poor. So I didn’t want to go buy one. Helloooooo wine bottle!!!

  • momdot

    WTF is a “sifter”? To make flour SMALLER then it is?
    Does it remove calories?

    I think I would rather it cost 10cents more to come pre-sifted.

    You have more patience than I do. Anything I bake comes out two ways: Black and Blacker.

    Trisha

  • Jen

    Marlo’s big blue eyes make me squeal with delight. I loved this story :)

  • amyruthanne

    A) I’m so hungry for gingerbread cookies right now.
    B) I’ve never heard of using pepper in a gingerbread recipe. Will you post it?
    C) Next time maybe just buy premade gingerbread dough?
    D) I don’t know why I’m lettering my comments.
    E) Perhaps because I can.

  • IngridS

    Please don’t ever use a glass vase or any other kind of glass cylinder as a rolling pin again! I keep picturing your palms, or your daughter’s palms, sliced to ribbons.

    A full seltzer bottle or a full pickle jar next time? Please? Full = solid mass that won’t crack or smash and cut your hands to ribbons.

    Oh! My captcha words are xo aquavit! Aquavit is very good to drink, icy cold, with Christmas foods. xo.

  • Daily Dealia

    Love reading your updates of ‘life’! Ah yes, Mommy’s helper…great to get a good laugh. I’m just impressed you made the cookies, not all Moms will take on that one.

  • DooceFan4Eva

    OMG! I almost spit water all over my monitor when you said, “grinding pepper is a total fucking party”.

    And the uninterested urchin? I had one of those once. He grew out of it thank goodness!

  • Jenni

    Dude. Is Leta giving me the finger?

    How cool is she?

  • fifi

    A Sieve, (what you call a sifter), is a really useful thing to have around.Even if you don’t bake! If you have potpourri, or a collection of any small objects that need vacuuming to remove dust, place a sieve over the top of the pot-pourri, and vacuum the dust through the sieve..or use the sieve for washing small things under the tap,without losing the objects down the drain..incidentally the oldfashioned glass milk bottles used to double up as rolling pins in the UK..Necessity, Invention , Mother,etc.

  • kait

    When I was single, when I changed apartments, all I had to do was dust my stove, never clean it. Now, I’m kind of just your opposite. I can’t cook much at all (enough to keep my poor non-picky auntie alive), but baking, baking I can do. Once in a while I even enjoy it. But for my kids, when they were little, like you, I’d try most anything, even more than once. I was lucky, they usually knew what they were doing. Plus, I went to HS in WV and was REQUIRED to take home ec., so I had a jump on you, knowing what a sifter was and all.

    Cheers,
    kait

  • fidget

    I can not be the only person who wanted to barf when you started adding pepper to the cookies. Gingerbread tastes kind of assy to begin with- it just DOES but then adding black pepper?

    next time try sugar cookies, Leta MIGHT possibly maybe eat those and if she wants then to look like gingerbread, mix in a few tablespoons of cocoa powder

    Better yet, send her over. We are making sugar cookies tomorrow

    and for god sakes never again put pepper in a cookie

  • H to the Izzo

    I laughed so hard at this. I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t cook. I am cracking up over the vase as rolling pin-that’s just terrible and perfect!

    Thank you for the Jesus self-rising mental picture. You make my day :)

  • Jayceekay

    Ahhh…no one can make me laugh like you, Heather!

    Have you found out who the culprit was who told Leta you guys would make cookies? I did wonder when you chose gingerbread since Leta has such tempermental taste buds.

    $12!!!!?? Cloves are a high end spice $-wise (as in 5 bucks, not 12!! Where the hell do you shop?!!) but most of the others you can get for a buck or so at any Target, Walmart, CVS, Rite-aid, etc. They work just as well as the name brands. (I actually DO bake!!)

    Also, you guys are all so funny! A fork?? Okay, I’m sure someone has already written it but the purpose of the sifter is to make sure all the dry ingredients are un-clumped and fine. As in finely sifted. Not necessary for a lot of chunkier or dropped cookies but for rolled cookies…well, it just makes for a nicer, smoother cookie or cake.

    One more thing, Marlo is so freakin’ adorable I want to bite my computer screen when you post her picture! And boy does she look like Leta!

  • John Duke

    That sure looked like a process. Pepper in cookies? Unfortunately my attention span couldn’t take me to the end.

  • Annie T

    *You* made those cookies?
    When did your arms go all hairy?

  • Cheshire Kate

    Yep learned that lesson about sprinkles too. Now we just buy the sugar cookies in a roll in the refrigerated aisle and the big jars of sprinkles (there is an especially nice one that has 5 yes 5 different kinds with a dial) and let our daughter decorate her heart out. She tells people she baked cookies with mommy and I figure I have done my job. We have even let her and a friend do it so they both tell people they have baked cookies. All the appearance of a homemaker with much less work.

  • mjameson

    Beyond fabulous. I just snorted iced tea through my nose. (Which, considering the fact that it is below zero outside, is not much fun.)

    Is Marlo eating food now? How does she like it?

  • causticwookie

    So cute! I really like the photo-essay format.

  • Shuddrbug

    OMG you are the funniest writer E V E R. I love your stuff. I love the pictures of your children. I read your posts and think I am actually there watching it happen. The cookies looked great. My daughter was ALWAYS about the sprinkles! Merry Christmas!

  • josephine

    LOL – i LOVE the pictures that go along with you stories. Cutest kids ever, and though I do love to bake, I, too, am awful at reading all the way through the recipe before I start. :)

  • Alexandra

    This is how often I cook – it took me TWO MONTHS to realize that the silverware drawer in my household changed after we got new roommates.

    Two months without using a single fork from my house.

  • Tricia

    Stop it. All that effort for just a dozen cookies? I won’t go near my mixer for fewer than four dozen. Too much work!

    Also, what is Leta now, sixteen? Look at that first picture of her!

  • kth201

    Ha! I remember the first time I tried to bake something and got to the “sift” line in the instructions. That was years ago, I still don’t own a sifter, and I’ve always found that “mix with fork” does just about the same thing.

    Some of us just aren’t meant to be bakers.

  • LifesBeenGood

    So I’m with you… sorta… I DO NOT BAKE. NOT ANYTHING. NOT EVER. I will cook you anything you like… but I WILL NOT BAKE. That’s what bakeries are for. If I cannot find it in a bakery, I DO NOT NEED IT!

    And I’m with Leta on not eating the ginger bread cookies… YUCKO! I’ll pick the frosting and sprinkles off though and eat them!

  • butidigress

    Someone else who reads recipes like I do!

    For what it’s worth, a wine bottle also works as a rolling pin. I may have found that out the hard way…

  • SarahHoff

    Fantastic story! I was so hoping that we would get to hear the whole story after I saw the pics on twitter (not that I’m cyber-stalking dooce or anything, I’m just sayin’!). Marlo and Leta are adorable!!! Love Marlo’s smile, it’s very contagious! Thanks for the great story, I sooo needed that today!!!

  • amberdawn07

    “Although, grinding pepper is a total fucking party”

    This sentence along w/ picture has to be the best thing I’ve seen/read all day. And please explain this sifting term you keep using. I read it in recipes, but I figure it’s some fancy schmancy word they use to weed out non-bakers like myself. I, myself, just dash/sprinkle/pour and keep on going.

  • Sarah C

    Ahhh this was a fun post. Keep up with the story-in-pictures theme! And great job on the cookies!

  • kacyd

    Kudos to you for actually baking the cookies. Tonight I am planning on making a gingerbread house with my kids (from a kit). My son, who is as picky as Leta I think, said he wants to take a bite of the gingerbread cookies included in the kit….shocking.

  • sarafem

    I’m telling myself that your “cylindrical glass vase” is really part of a bong, because that makes this even funnier.

    Also, it is EXTREMELY sweet that you baked cookies with your little munchkin despite her ambush and your loathing of all things kitchen-y.

  • Cornelia

    Thanks heather for the laugh today! I’m suffering through pregnancy fatigue at the moment, I needed a good laugh. And for the record I don’t cook either. Husband does all the cooking.

  • adrienne…

    The kids aren’t snorting the cinnamon so much as… Well, you can look at the cinnamon challenge videos on YouTube yourself. Funny stuff.

    warning, there are some swears :)

  • lisa_j

    i’m totally throwing a pepper grinding fucking party this weekend. thanks for the idea.

  • Gardenfreak89

    I cannot get over how much Marlo looks like Leta… what beautiful kids you have… Looks like you had a good time baking so I look forward to seeing more posts of you and your daughters making MORE things for us to drool over!

  • ehaggie

    Thats the beauty of the premade refrigerator dough. Seriously, all the kids want to do is the sprinkles and a galon of frosting…so kick ‘em outside and let em sprinkle away

  • EliBailey

    SEND THE COOKIES TO ME, I will eat them! I was already hungry when I started reading this; now I’m REALLY hungry.

    I don’t cook either. Or bake, unless I have to. I did make brownies for my husband’s birthday from a mix, but I think he wished I hadn’t. He does all the cooking, thank God. If it was up to me we’d be eating frozen pizza every night.

  • WebSavyMom

    –>I told my husband recently when I asked why I don’t bake (like his Mom!).
    My reply:

    “I don’t bake; I blog.”

  • Celestia

    Gingerbread cookies are the best! I never sift stuff or chill over night either and they turn out fine. I sometimes doen’t even ice them and eat them plain.

    You’ve made a lovely memory for Leta, WTG mom!

  • Penelope

    As usual, thanks for the laugh!! I actually want to go bake with my kiddo now. Crazy enough :)

  • jennandrob

    Sprinkle the shit outta it..that made me laugh.

    I also baked gingerbread cookies this past weekend, casually forgetting to see how much flour was in one batch after I had already decided to double it.
    Yeah, 4 cups, one batch.
    8 cups, two batchs.
    All in one mixer…I had to keep both hands on each side of the bowl as it slowly mixed the batter and ever so often pushing the dough back into the bowl as it oozed out.
    On the bright side, when I got home last night, my cookies I so lovingly placed in a ziploc bag had magically fallen to the floor.
    Huh, I said to myself…I don’t remember placing those on the floor. So I pick up the bag and put it back on the kitchen counter when all-of-a-sudden I notice little tiny holes all over the bag and one giant hole at the bottom where the chimney and front door of my gingerbread house was GONE.

    That turd Walter ate my cookies…oh well. I’ll just slather extra icing on those and give as gifts. :)

  • lifewithkids

    Either you have really hairy arms or it looks like Jon did most of the baking…lol, and for curiosities sake, did the recipe really ask for ground pepper? Hehehe

  • Robyn L

    Marlo is looking more and more like Don Knotts everyday!! So cute!

    And Leta looks like such a big girl now. Time flies!