Featured community question with accompanying warning:
DO NOT GOOGLE IMAGES OF SCARS. PLEASE. I URGE YOU TO REMAIN INNOCENT.
Today's featured question comes from user maylu:
Anyone ever heard of a keloid? Basically, I scar outward. Meaning, there are several places on my body where it looks like I have grown an extra limb, one in particular on my right shin that has sprouted its own nose hairs. When people see it and begin to recoil I'm quick to say, hey! Don't be scared! That's just Larry. He minds his own business.
What. Am I the only one who names her scars? Shut up. YOU DO TOO.
I've got Larry on my shin, Roberta on my forehead, and Ed on my shoulder. Since I'm stuck with them, I thought, well, might as well make them feel as welcome as possible. Come on in! Take off your shoes! And Larry got so comfortable that he started to walk around the house without his pants on. I had to stop him when he started to itch his crotch in front of my mom!
Since I've had two basal cell carcinomas removed from my left shoulder and regularly see a dermatologist, I met a doctor at the clinic who prided himself on "fixing" any keloid he came in contact with. Turns out you can sometimes stop the outward movement of a scar with steroids. And I was all, steroids? And he was all, STEROIDS. And I was all, please don't tell me that this means I'm going to have to start shaving my mustache. Ugh. Jon does not like sharing his razor.
Turns out that this doctor had met his match in Larry, and no amount of tinkering could kick his butt out the front door. In fact, he referred to it as "some keloid," as in, "WOW. THAT IS SOME KELOID YOU'VE GOT THERE." And I was like, are you serious? You mean I have the valedictorian of keloids? Really? Sir, this wasn't exactly a bullet point I had on my life list.
But there you go. Now it's right up there with having my bikini waxer go, dude, you're going to need a bigger boat.
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FM Living
CataclysmicStar said:
I adore you.
I have a scar on my face from having chicken pox when I was three. It's a nice little pockmark about the size of Nevada that I think has a nighttime job as a crossdresser at a gay bar - but hey, it keeps him (her?) happy so I just kind of don't ask. It's not canyonesque, but it's deep enough that it kind of makes my face look like I've a pit 'o' dark on my left cheek.
And we won't go into the stretch marks on the insides of my elbows (sorry Ralph and Christy, I'm just not gonna talk about you guys today).
So I feel you on scars. Although that's pretty awesome that you've got so many valedictorian positions going!
PS You know that by telling people not to Google scar images, they're just gonna wanna do it more .. Speaking of which, I gotta go bleach my eyes now..
PPS How is Marlo?! Is she okay? Does she have RSV? I hope not. I'm all freaking out for you - my son is about a month younger than her (and my other son is almost three so thanks to you I know what I'm in for, haha).
02.25.10 - 10:29 AM / 1lobsterandi said:
..Better hope you don't get a scar on your ass.
Then you'd really have to use a donut. Unless the scar/keloid was large enough to use as a stool.
Like that man who had gigantic tumors in his testicals. So he sat on them. Like a chair.
02.25.10 - 10:30 AM / 2WAW said:
I've had 2 c-sections with verticle incisions and now sport a fabulous hypertrophic scar (very similar to a keloid scar). It's 1/2in.-3/4in wide, a good 6 in. long and is still pink in color 3 years after my youngest's birth. I'm waiting until we decide no more kids before I try to "fix" it, if it's even possible. Yeah scars!
02.25.10 - 10:34 AM / 3cellohero said:
The only real scar I have is a tiny line on the end of my nose - in the third grade, some girl threw a swing at my face. I bled out all over my favorite lobster sweatshirt.
just a coincidence that STEROIDS has the same number of letters as SHINGLES!?
DOOCE: VERSION ROID RAGE
02.25.10 - 10:44 AM / 4petermon21 said:
I feel your pain. I have several scars the most immediate is the lack of a right hand! and then skin graft on the other. People ask me that all the time. There is a nice response for children and such and a not so nice one for the A-holes. But human nature begs the question! ;-)
02.25.10 - 12:17 PM / 5lovingthismomstuff said:
I have a keloid on my knee that I despise! I blame it on my sister though...she was trying to lock me out of the house when I was 9 and I slipped trying to get to the door. Gravel and skin don't mix too well.
Liz
02.25.10 - 10:53 AM / 6Vander said:
I just had a growth removed from my leg and it has left a scar uglier than the growth. Friends have recommended ScarAway treatment sheets. Has anyone tried these?
02.25.10 - 11:02 AM / 7Figtron said:
Keloid sufferers are so misunderstood...
I have scars on me like history markers. I can tell you the exact date and place I received each one.
Thanks for passing me that genetic gift, dad.
Maylu...scars are a part of your unique character and makeup. When some tactless person blurts at you, blurt back..."What the hell happened to your manners?"
02.25.10 - 02:06 PM / 8Ex Files Chick said:
I just looked at a picture of a keloid and I swear if you threw down a pickle and tomato and topped it with mustard and celery salt, it could stunt double as a Chicago-style hot dog.
I won't ever complain about my cankles again.
02.25.10 - 11:27 AM / 9BargainBex said:
I have a scar, but it's not visible (IE: easily covered by clothing) from open heart surgery when I was the wee old age of 11, but it's not the scar right in the center of my chest (that runs vertically instead of horizontally) that gets to me, it's the scar, right below on my tummy (due to necessary bags of medical whatever needed to drain excess during and after said operation), that makes me turn all red with embarrassment just thinking about it and its odd little look.
I'm thinking I'll take your advice and just name it and learn to love it.
Any ideas/thoughts as to what nickname or title I should bestow on it?
Thanks much-ly in advance.
02.25.10 - 11:40 AM / 10luv and kiwi said:
are you sure you don't have sister girl in you? i thought only people of color got keloids...very interesting. i actually have some gnarly ones on my hand from where i got my fingers ran over by a mini van. i should name them too. clever idea actually.
02.25.10 - 11:53 AM / 11thingone said:
I have so many scars on this old body it looks like a road map. I think of myself as the Rand McNally of body scars. I'm old enough I really do think of them as medals of honor for getting through life. Some for babies, some for gall bladder removal from baby dancing on gall bladder for nine month (big boy baby). Several for back surgeries from carrying babies around, dancing at weddings of friend's babies. All signs of a life well lived is how I see it. Oh and the occasional sibling scars left from bites, scratches and car doors slammed on hand. Not bad for a life...Wear your battle scars with pride!
02.25.10 - 11:58 AM / 12BooBooGaLoo said:
BargainBex... Stella is a good name:)
02.25.10 - 12:00 PM / 13mommica said:
I have scars all around my right eye from being bit by a horse. Ya, that's right. A HORSE! Top that, mo foes.
02.25.10 - 12:08 PM / 14kellyjcallahan said:
I have had several major surgeries. While in post-op from my hysterectomy I over heard the nurses say... "My doesn't she have quite the roadmap on her."
That is correct I have scar bisecting my stomach north to south. A scar from hip bone to hip bone. An IV scar on my leg and my arm. I used to have a hole from a stomach tube. It looked like a 2nd bellybutton
The scar I have now was originally so keloid that I had plastic surgery to fix it. While it isn't a purple or thick... it is still 1/2 wide.
I never though of naming my scars. But all previous boyfriends and husband got the scar warning: WARNING I AM FLAWED THERE IS A HUGE SCAR ON MY STOMACH... YOU CAN'T AVOID IT. Of course they never cared... I have BIG BOOBs, such a great distractor.
02.25.10 - 12:09 PM / 15veronicamarcett... said:
Jeez. I have visible scars and people don't freak out and ask me about them. One is from an animal biting my face when I was young and one is from my very own suspicious mole that had to be removed and required a lot of thick stitches. Turns out I am not a "healer" and the incision looks practically fresh after 10 years.
02.25.10 - 12:13 PM / 16napachick said:
I am covered in scars... they help define the awesome that is me. I was born with clubbed feet and have had 30 surgeries to rebuild and then repair them. They've also taken bone out of both of my hips. After a botched tubal ligation - I've had 3 hernia repairs on the stomach AND I had a malignant melanoma on my back so I get to rock a 6 inch scar from that one.
More than anything, these scars give me a chance to share my stories - which are always ALWAYS funny.
02.25.10 - 12:21 PM / 171katiem said:
I think maybe that's what I had on my shoulder. I had a little blemish or something on my shoulder that I picked at (gross, I know) that ended up protruding from my shoulder. The more I messed with it, the more it grew. Eventually it was like I had a nose on my shoulder. I saw a dermatologist about it and she said it was nothing to worry about, just a little scar tissue and that it could be shaved off. Since I didn't want to PAY to have it SHAVED off, I just put a bandage and some antibiotic ointment on it every day, and after a few weeks, it was flush with the rest of my skin. I still have a lighter spot on my shoulder, but no more extra nose.
02.25.10 - 12:22 PM / 18emmiegrn said:
As it turns out I just got back from the plastic surgeon's office where we discussed the two keloid scars on my back that are the result of a regular ol' cancer screening removal of moles. Yeah, real sexy. He just finished injecting a bunch of steroids into them and basically turned me into a pin cushion. Hopefully this will reduce the size of them and we still may go for the re-excision route along with some (OMG!) mild RADIATION! to keep the scarring from coming back.
02.25.10 - 12:24 PM / 19holly1018 said:
OMG, OMG, I get them too! Mine are from sunburns from living in the Caribbean. (Wear your sunscreen peeps.) They make me soooooo self conscious! UGH! I have several on the back of each shoulder. I've had the steroid injections several times but they don't last and I have to go back to get more AND they won't give them to me pregnant or breastfeeding. Basically, I surrender to living with them, hoping I don't get more and knowing my husband still loves me.
02.25.10 - 12:32 PM / 20courtney.m said:
oh I am so glad I finished eating my snack before I read those old posts about the other spots and saw their accompanying pictures.
I have an awesome scar on my elbow from shattering a fish bowl. Yes, my elbow shattered a fish bowl.
02.25.10 - 12:36 PM / 21JustLinda said:
Funny, funny post.
MOREMOREMORE I love your sense of humor. You seem more guarded these days than in days of yore and while I understand it, I still want moremoremore.
02.25.10 - 12:36 PM / 22agablack said:
That was fooking hilarious!
02.25.10 - 12:51 PM / 23HappyFoxx said:
My family uses the "bigger boat" reference all the time! LOL While I'm happy to see it in a Dooce post, I'm kind of sad that you need to include a video for reference so all the young whipper snappers know what you're talking about.
02.25.10 - 01:07 PM / 24ddee said:
I'll never forget when I went to my follow-up appointment a few days after wrist surgery. Because I would be wearing an external fixator for 6-10 weeks (Google for pics -- it's a lovely contraption), my incisions weren't allowed to heal. The doc explained that I'd have some pretty good scars, and I casually replied, "that's okay, I have a plastic surgeon." His eyebrows shot up and he asked, "on retainer?" I laughed and said no, but a plastic surgeon had removed my melanoma a decade before.
I never did get the plastic surgeon to "clean up" my scars. I kinda like 'em.
02.25.10 - 01:11 PM / 25slappyintheface said:
I also have chicken pox scars that look like somebody burned me with a lit cigarette - if only the scars that my parents caused were that easy to identify. :)
02.25.10 - 01:14 PM / 26Jacquie said:
Oh, bummer, I started to get excited that you were going to announce a wonder cure that I could buy online for just $29.99*!
Yeah, I've heard of Keloids. They suck. Especially Vera, who lives right above my right boob.
*plus my soul
02.25.10 - 02:01 PM / 27stellans said:
I have a good sized keloid scar on my right shoulder, due to the removal of a cyst when I was 15. The year I turned 40, I celebrated by having a tattoo done of a pretty white swan which used the keloid as part of its wing. It still looks good 15 years later, and I love not being so self-conscious of it.
02.25.10 - 02:11 PM / 28rparton said:
oh my word - "the valedictorian of keloids". priceless.
02.25.10 - 02:21 PM / 29aliceone said:
Own those scars! They are like the lines we get as we age, marks of the life we've lived. And they are often a great story.
Don't buy into that airbrushed "perfection" that media would have you believe is our true nature. It isn't. We all have bumps, lumps and imperfections. They make us unique and interesting.
02.25.10 - 02:27 PM / 30