• mandypants

    huh. I’m glad I avoided that fiasco when I poured bacon grease into the plastic disposable cup we use at parties and write everyone’s name on them with a sharpie. Who knew that would hold up better? Although, the second time I did that to add to the grease, my husband shook his head and said, “Amanda Amanda Amanda.” I feel your pain with that tone of voice.

  • KA

    I usually put the bacon grease in an old taster’s choice glass jar and let it cool. Then I put the lid on it and put it in the freezer to get it out of the way. I keep reusing it until it’s all full up.

    I’m glad you recorded this moment for posterity though.

  • blondefaith

    In your defense: nowhere on the bowl does it say “bacon grease dangerous” and if you think about it, melting is way safer than exploding or spontaneously combusting, so maybe-technically the melting thing could be considered safe, and then its like no harm no foul, right?

  • jadoyle

    I have no idea why I think you’d be interested in hearing this, but about 20 years ago (gawd, I’m old), I made banana pudding in a glass bowl in the microwave. When it came to a boil, I removed the bowl ever-so-carefully with oven mitts. The bottom of the glass bowl fell out in a nice little circle, and scalding pudding fell on my foot. Freakin’ AWFUL! Glad the bacon grease didn’t get ya. I used to use an old tin can for bacon grease because my dad used to keep it in the fridge and ate it with a spoon. Niiiiiiiiiiiice.

  • NatW

    Woman, you’re Southern! Didn’t your mama teach you to let the bacon grease cool, then put it in a glass jar to be used at a later date for cooking green beans, cornbread, and anything else you want to add a bacon flavor to?? ‘Cause my mama sure did! I’m starting to question your Southern credentials…I mean, yes, you say crayon correctly, but you don’t know that bacon grease should always be saved for cooking purposes? Tsk tsk.

  • sarahlawton

    If it makes you feel any better I put bacon grease in a glass that shattered. The glass was the first my Mother stole from her first ever bar at the ripe old age of 16. Oh and did I mention the bar was in Ireland? And it was the last time she was with her great grandmother before her passing? Yeah…I’d go for a plastic bowl any day!

  • barbara

    This post had me rolling.

    I know you’re not supposed to put tin foil in a microwave, and it’s not a good place to store cats. I’ve got the basics down.

    LOL, that’s one of the funniest lines ever! Thanks for making me smile on a daily basis Heather.

  • smaihlee

    I found a new way to cook bacon that totally kicks ass. Line a baking sheet with foil, then put a metal cookie cooling grid on top. Lay the bacon across the grid and cook on 375 until it’s to your desired crispiness. The grid has “feet” so the grease drips down onto the foil. Once it has cooled to the touch, you can throw the grid in the dishwasher, and ball up & toss the foil.

    I keep a couple of glass jars on hand (from pickles, peppers, etc.) for when I need to get rid of grease. Let it cool, cap it, and throw it out. Never had one break, but I do it in the sink just in case.

  • Figtron

    Dude.

    How can you be from The South and not know about Bacon Grease Containers? Yes, I capiltalized the first letter of each word because they are just THAT important.

    This post makes me feel so….vindicated. Turns out, you aren’t perfect after all.

    I. Am. Shattered. Tell Jon he can have his pen back when he stops with the head shaking. I hope he doesn’t tsk-tsk-tsk as well.

    Great pics.

  • kym b

    baron is right, you should cook bacon in the oven on a cookie sheet covered with foil.
    no mess to clean up.
    no grease splatter.
    no melted ikea bowls.

    and seriously, did a guy who took out both of your vehicles over a misplaced pen just give you flack about melting a bowl that costs a quarter. that dude needs to check himself.

  • MsMo

    And that’s why I only have metal glass and ceramic stuff. I new there was a reason for my awesome taste! hehe….
    I also agree with previous posts just start screaming PEN! PPEEEENNNNN! If Jon pulls out the carcass of that bowl. (I’m the creepy person that sent you a shit ton of pens, just throw on of those at him.)

    PS
    I see a next months master head!

  • JosieC

    I was so hungry for brownies once that when I took them out of the oven, I put the whole pan in the freezer. To cool them off faster. Or so I thought. I ended up melting the bottom of the freezer in our brand new (I’m talking 2 weeks old here) fridge. 10 years later, the evidence is still there and I hear about it ALL THE TIME.

    The thing with bacon grease is, it’ll boil, I think – we always referred to the smoke point of an oil when I worked in a lab (oh hell, don’t EVER get to that temperature, please!) – but probably at a temperature almost 200 degrees hotter than water will boil. So yea, that’s pretty damn hot. Hot grease can crack glass, too – cool glass plus hot grease equals exploding glass…Soooo, I don’t think your plastic bowl ever had a chance.

    Usually when I make spaghetti sauce, I clean out and save the jars. Then whenever I make bacon I let the grease cool off in the pan (not congeal yet – I just let it get to a teeny bit warmer than room temperature), then whip out one of the old spaghetti jars and pour it in. I feel bad not recycling the glass, but it’s a safer way to dispose of all that grease.

  • MissAga

    Oh, Heather, are you going to get from the Ikea people now…
    I’m just saying. Brace yourself.

  • witchuponastar

    Okay, Heather, the problem with putting it down the drain isn’t that it will melt the pipes (it won’t), it’s that it coats the inside of the pipes and causes clogs. You shouldn’t put it down your drain but if you do you should run your hottest water with it so it gets liquified and carried out of your house. My husband is a plumber, I know what I’m talking about. Except he says I’m not allowed to put bacon grease down the drain and I have. Every week for 6.5 years and nothing has ever happened. So really, what the hell do plumbers know?

  • lilfootsmommy

    we have those same bowls from Ikea. I don’t think I’ve put them in the microwave (yet). I do have to say I’m thankful you test drove them for me :)

    I am really glad though that you weren’t hurt by the grease! First the tailbone, then stubbing your foot…the grease was a fortunate near miss! Phew!!!

  • ohsnap87

    Hi Dooce!

    Been there. Done THAT!

    What NOT to do! Do not leave a cup and a half of water boiling on the stove while you take a phone call and answer a few emails. So much for my oatmeal this morning ;-(

    The lid knob melted off. We threw the hot pot onto the snow.

  • Greysmom

    to get even with him, you need to post the pics of the infamous “pen incident of 2010″…
    you ruined a $2 bowl and he runs for the camera… he smashes 2 cars and we don’t get to see? :)

  • ohsnap87

    oh… and I once put a raw egg in the microwave. I put a small hole in the shell, figuring that that would be enough.

    KABAAAAAM!

    My husband was in the the next room and and cried, “What was THAT?”

    I said, “nothing.”

    He ran in to see if I was harmed. When he saw me trying to clean the mess in the microwave he laughed so hard and insisted he call his Mom to tell her the story.

    i don’t care. I thought it was funny myself. For some reason… I thought u could microwave an egg…

  • Schwally

    Not to take attention away from the bacon…..but have you checked with a doctor about bone density or osteoporosis? You seem to be breaking quite a few bones pretty easily….just a thought! Trying to look out for you!

  • momof8

    . . . and then YOU pull out the pictures of your messed up cars! And you totally win!!!

  • akross00

    i totally started a grease fire a few months ago while cooking bacon. i tried pouring the sizzling fat into a styrofoam cup (if it can take hot coffee, why not bacon grease?!) and it promptly disintegrated IN MY HANDS. and then there was fire. good thing i remembered from my 7th grade home ec class that baking soda puts out grease fires. i’ve been too embarrassed to share that tale until now. time to go say a few hail marys.

  • They made me choose a username

    Now I want some bacon. At 12:57 AM.

  • They made me choose a username

    P.S. I’ve heard that bacon grease down the drain attracts rats, but I assumed that pertains more to New Yorkers than the rest of humankind. (Also, my husband says that makes no sense, but I swear I’ve heard it, so it must be true. For New Yorkers.)

  • They made me choose a username

    So I had to Google it and see if this was in my imagination, and it does get a mention in a guide to Seattle rat-prevention:

    http://www.kingcounty.gov/healthServices/health/ehs/rats.aspx

    (Several paragraphs down the page.)

  • Badger

    You are the Valedictorian of death-of-microwaveable-bowl-by-bacon-fat.

  • Googooboyy

    Love the title given to the post. ‘Exhibit A’.

    I’m sensing with my spider sense that ‘Exhibit B’ shouldn’t be too far off. ; )

    Btw, there are numbers given to plastic products as indication of their industrial strength. Check that out next time.

  • heymamas

    I am no Betty Crocker myself and I applaud you for even knowing not to wash the grease down the sink. Not sure I knew that one myself.

    Although now that we are talking about it, an old coffee can out in the garage that my Mom used to use for this sort of thing, does come to mind.

    Sadie at heyMamas

  • Violette

    Here’s a cool trick to deal with hot grease — line a ceramic/china (anything heatproof) bowl with aluminum foil, then pour the grease in. Wait until the grease cools and congeals, then wrap the foil around it and toss. Voila!

  • teksupddg

    for those who buy coffee in bags, don’t like pickles,
    or used all the foil to line your windows to keep the aliens out, a metal spoon in a mug is also a way to manage your bacon grease.

  • ohyouandi

    Just this past weekend, I poured a TON of bacon grease into an empty cookie package. Keebler Grasshopper mint cookie container, to be exact. Side note: for those craving Girl Scout Thin Mints all year long, these taste EXACTLY like them! Anyhoo….I wasn’t sure the container could withstand the bacon grease, but it did!!! I was amazed. Still find it hard to believe that bacon grease melted your little Ikea bowl (I have the same ones and LOVE them!). Speaking of melting…

    When I was in 6th grade, I had one of those candle making kits, and decided to make some candles on cold winter afternoon. Of course I didn’t follow the instructions, and when I poured the hot wax into the flimsy mold, I had to grip the mold tighter (since it now weighed more) and that’s when the bottom of the mold popped out, and hot wax went everywhere….down the sink, down the cabinets, all over the stove, all over the sheet linoleum floor. I knew my mom was gonna be pissed, so I attempted to clean it up before she found out, so I started w/the floor. Big mistake, since mom’s have eyes and sensors everywhere. But the funniest thing was when my brother, wearing his neighbor-knitted purple slippers came tearing into the kitchen, hit the recently “waxed” floor, and fell on his bippy and broke HIS tailbone! So in one short afternoon, I managed to clog the sink, wreck the cabinets, f-up the stove, burn my hand AND cause my brother to break his tailbone. Needless to say, I never made another candle…

  • Hey Emilie

    Dude, you can’t recycle that bowl! What are you thinking? Our recycle bins only take #1 and #2 plastics, which this little Ikea bowl is NOT! What kind of hippie are you?

  • yrdsale4me

    I keep a couple of glass jars (from salsa or spaghetti sauce) on hand for this purpose. That way, I can keep the lid on the jar while accumulating grease so it doesn’t attract pests. Once the jar is full, I put it in the trash *with the lid firmly in place*.

    If you can’t put something like that in your trash, I recommend putting the grease in a ceramic or pottery coffee mug and waiting until it’s not quite solidified. Then use a spatula or spoon to put the chunks of grease in the trash.

  • OhAimee

    LOVE this, and love hearing people’s horror stories! Congratulations. We’re human!

    Here’s my Ikea Fail (I.E. ME Fail) moment: to be EXTRA sweet, I baked a big ol’ batch of my boyfriend’s favorite cookies. Only the kitchen in our tiny loft is tiny, and I ran out of counter space and had nowhere to put the last cookie sheet to cool.

    So I uh, put it right down on his beautiful, oval, white Ikea conference table. The thing is enormous and is the focal point of our home. Two minutes later, I smell burning. There is a cookie sheet sized/shaped melted ripply spot on the table. And it’s there to stay.

    That wasn’t a particularly pleasant afternoon and I don’t think he appreciated my idea that maybe we could ripple the WHOLE table so it looks like purposful ripples. Like Abercrombie! For tables.

    Nope.

  • tokenblogger

    I like those orange bowls. I hope you had more than the two.

    I thought non-jew pholks kept their bacon grease in an old coffee can on the stove?

    I mean, you grew up in the south, too. Even more south than me.

    Geez, Heather…

    ah ha ha

    My captcha word is JEWtraw!

  • chicgeek75

    BTW, any paper plate that has sparkle to it… like those you might use for New Years? Yeah, that’s foil, as I discovered. Microwave one of those suckers and you’ll have an little electrical storm right in your own kitchen. Seriously, it may sound simple, but all I know is I thought, “paper plate = microwaveable”. Funny thing is, on the bottom of it says, “do not microwave”. Only, who thinks to look at the bottom of a paper plate before microwaving?

    PS – we bake our bacon in the oven, which is really good and easy cleanup. You just line the pan with foil, and then when the pan is cool, you can fold up the foil and toss it in the trash. Or, you can soak up the grease with a few sheets of paper towel.

  • button

    I had NO IDEA that you weren’t supposed to pour grease down the drain until just recently. I knew my mother must be the source of the problem, because I’d seen her pour grease down the drain countless times. She explained that you just don’t pour it down the side of the sink with the disposal because it will make the rubber curl. So great job knowing this tidbit. I’m still ashamed.

  • Yolanda

    What Southerner doesn’t have herself an old greasy coffee can dedicated to bacon grease? Or at least a mason jar? My momma always had one and when I moved out I started the habit, too. Some curses were uttered when my Pacific Northwestern husband confusedly threw the can out one day, having no clue why we were saving old grease.

    And another broken toe? Really? I think the universe is saying you need calcium, stat.

    But at least the bowl photos were perfectly lit and beautiful. There’s that, right?

  • strawberrygoldie

    You know how things on top of your refrigerator will shift as you regularly open and close the freezer?

    I did not.

    Until the Fry Daddy that sat on top of the refrigerator shifted its
    leftoverfriedcatfishandhushpuppyoil-filled ass to the edge. I blame my husband. He saved the oil.

    Yeah.

    I open the freezer.

    The Fry Daddy, in SLO MO, MIND YOU, falls to the floor, erupting crusty, fishy oil into the air.

    The sound the oil made, when it splashed onto the floor? I hear that in my nightmares.

    My son still laughs hysterically when he recalls just how many times I yelled “FUCK!” at the Fry Daddy that day.

    Mommy of the Year. Yup. Dat’s me.

  • Mugswife

    Ok. So I am assuming you took a picture to document the ruining (is that a word?) of two cars incident? So you can pull that picture up and say, see, thats why I’m right.

    You did document that, right?

    If not, thats why he will be right.

  • Peter P

    Do it flow better if you say ‘literal and metaphorical,’
    or: ‘literal and metaphoric?’

    Or… do I just sound like that constipated ENG102 professor from wayback?

  • Angie_from_Oz

    Pyrex Heather, Pyrex.

    PS – the new McDonalds ads are quite overpowering – I love Macca’s but maybe the ads could be a little less obtrusive?

  • austinscott

    Ahhhhhh…. All is right with the world now Jon. Got your pen back didn’t ya. Heh heh….

    ..Smooth

    Heather, pop one of those bowls in the oven. (lol)

  • 1greenblogger

    Microwaves can boil water. How much hotter can bacon grease be??

  • Ells

    Oh, come ON, Jon. Melty-plastic-bacon-bowls are the new black.

  • Curiosity

    Beautiful. Bacon grease is okay in the pipes as long as it’s coated with orange plastic. …Right?

    I did hot tea in a reused plastic water bottle once. They do not offer classes in that. This is because it does not require classes to know that is a BAD IDEA. On the plus side, the wooden kitchen stand that we were too lazy to put a finish on is now laminated.

    And high in antioxidants.

  • cris

    You did it. You actually did it. You found plastic allergic to bacon. There should be a prize for that.

    Also, my captcha is “in jumpsuit” which reminds me of my thoughts during your first two paragraphs: you should look into bubblewrap jumpsuits. They may help.

    But you probably should test bacon on a small portion of the bubblewrap jumpsuit. One never knows…

  • ATXGirl

    My ex caught biscuits on fire in the microwave. I’ve put non-microwave safe coffee mugs in there too… they come out hot – I have the scar on my finger and thumb to prove it. I feel your pain on microwave disasters…. It’s actually one of the reasons I didn’t own one for about 4 years. We just couldn’t get along, so I kicked him out. :-D

    But… for future reference, get a metal coffee can to store your bacon grease… and don’t put the plastic lid on it until it has cooled :p

    At least now, you have a potential science experience for Leta for her first Science Fair Project. “How hot does liquid have to be to melt a plastic, microwavable bowl?”

  • MissCaron

    Holy crap. I’m pretty positive I would have done the SAME thing … that is if I ever cook bacon on the stove. My family is a microwave bacon kinda people. We’re lazy like that.

    P.S. I’m really glad ATXGirl told me what to do though in case I ever DO cook bacon on the stove … but where am I supposed to get a metal can if my coffee comes in bags. HELP! ;-)

  • JenS

    I dunno.

    It’s not like you crashed your car into your other car.

    No harm; no foul.

  • josephine

    LOL…I actually poured hot bacon grease into a FULL kitchen trash bag last night and just hoped and prayed that it would cool itself down enough on the journey through the trash that it wouldn’t melt out the bottom of the bag. I lucked out last night, but I guess I should know better, my Mom used to save all of her bacon grease to cook with it after all… time to find a tin can. :)