That decrepit old hag
This is quickly and steadily becoming A List of My Ailments Blog, and I'm just waiting for the email or comment that is all, UGH! You just had to go and get OLD on us. I liked you so much more when your bones weren't brittle!
The things I have done to damage your expectations, I know. First, I got married. Then I had a baby. And now! NOW I'M TAKING CALCIUM SUPPLEMENTS! Where is the dooce you used to know and love!
I had blood work done last week while getting a second x-ray on my tailbone, and today the results came back normal. Good news on top of the fact that my tailbone seems to be healing according to the x-ray. When I asked the doctor if it would be okay to travel again with this... this... broken butt? Isn't that what it is, really? I broke my butt. There's no getting around this. Not with Leta walking around going, "When is mom's butt going to get better?"
WHEN WE STOP TALKING ABOUT IT OUT LOUD. IN THE HALLWAY. AT SCHOOL.
The doctor said to take my butt pillow with me, and I'd be fine. Also, just curious, she was. What did I do for a living since I travel this much? Now, picture this, okay. She has just inspected me, taken a look at The Smallest Butt In The History Of The Universe, and this conversation is inevitably going to result in, "Oh, my friend told me about you. You're that woman?" So before I told her, I said, um, the size of my butt falls under doctor/patient privilege, right? The Hippocratic Oath? And she was all, I will take knowledge of your tiny butt TO THE GRAVE.
Thank God no one will know about it now.
Anyway, I had to make an emergency appointment with my dentist this morning because one of the teeth on the right side of my mouth is making it so that I cannot chew food: the shooting, lightening-patterned pain! Straight up through my jaw, up into my eye, and bang into my forehead. And when my dentist sat down and asked what was going on, I was all, I'M FALLING APART! You think I'm kidding, but the odds are that you'll lean over to take a look inside my mouth and suddenly my head will topple off right into your lap!
An x-ray and twenty minutes of prodding and hammering away proved that it has to be a sinus infection. It's just that a certain nerve in a certain tooth sits inside my sinus cavity. Are you serious? It has nothing to do with my bones? I was prepared for surgery, and you're giving me a prescription for an antibiotic? How can I possibly write about this in all caps, SIR?!
I can't go back to the people with a sinus infection! They want DISEASE! They want LIFE-EXPECTANCY! Can I at least tell them you prescribed a cane? Because, let's be honest. I have an image to uphold.
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FM Living
TwirlyGirlie said:
Dude, you're kind of a mess.
:-)
03.08.10 - 02:03 PM / 1susanruffin said:
The older you get the more falling apart takes place. Wait until you get up in the morning and have to glue yourself together to get across the room to the bathroom. I'm 57 and have been known to use a stapler.
03.08.10 - 02:03 PM / 2TexasKatie said:
I feel you on that. It seems like when I turned 30, things started falling apart. :-) It'll be okay, I promise.
Hope you feel better soon!!!
03.08.10 - 02:04 PM / 3kayakgrrl said:
I forgot what I was going to say when I saw the McNuggets ad. *sigh*
03.08.10 - 02:09 PM / 4Daddy Scratches said:
My guess? You got it from standing next to me. Probably happened when I almost shoved the camera up your nose. Sorry 'bout that. ;)
Seriously? Sinus infections are the WORST. I've only had one, and thought I was gonna die. My wife's had a bunch, and dealt with every one of them better than I. Big surprise, right?
Hope you feel better.
03.08.10 - 02:12 PM / 5mommioandretti said:
glad your butt is better. i broke mine in college. COLLEGE! had to sit on the tube during every lecture, at the library, at work, etc... i feel your pain.
03.08.10 - 02:14 PM / 6kimba said:
have you read the fun little children's book, Parts? i think you might enjoy it, what with your body starting to fall apart. :) it has a satisfying rhythm, and i love the illustrations.
would a boppy work as a butt pillow? cause then you could totally blame hauling it everywhere on marlo. and she can't correct you! genius!
03.08.10 - 02:20 PM / 7JessicaP said:
This happened to me in high school. Raging headache and jaw pain for a week straight. I'm a hypochondriac so I was pretty much convinced it was my wisdom teeth... or a tumor... or maybe a demon.
One quick trip to the dentist and after ten minutes he was writing the script and kicking me out of his office. My head orifices rejoiced when the amoxicillin kicked in. Good times.
03.08.10 - 02:29 PM / 8KateH said:
Dude. I had a sinus infection last week and I thought I was going to DIE. Because in order to live, one must breathe; I felt I could not breathe therefore I was going to die (the SINUSES were all CLOGGED UP and DEATH WILL ENSUE).
So help yerself to as many ALL CAPS as you like.
I did.
03.08.10 - 02:39 PM / 9Jayceekay said:
Ahhh dude, it doesn't even have to be an infection, just clogged sinuses will do it. I get tootaches in places where I don't have teeth haha.
I barely knew I had sinuses until my 40s when I began to get susceptible sinuses... lovely. (Lots of new and interesting things happen as you age!) I'm telling you if you look at me crooked they get blocked. And I can tell you if it is going to rain....low pressure systems cause HAVOC with sinuses. Flying as well. I always take a decongestant if I'm going to fly.
So I hope you have a sinus infection haha!
03.08.10 - 02:43 PM / 10JustLinda said:
You'll just have to do what the rest of us do - go find some young, hip blog and live vicariously through its bold and fearless HEALTHFULNESS.
Sadly, it won't be mine, though. I'm older than you and - dammit - that's why I came HERE.
Of course, it's all relative, you're still younger than me and I can still live vicariously through you.
Plus, there is an aspect to it that's like opposite-deju-vu... Stuff that hasn't happened yet, but I know will happen and I just stick around to watch your entertaining spin. "Can't wait until Heather needs GLASSES. Can't wait for the post she will write about orthotics!"
(I swear, it's not schadenfreude -- I just know that you'll make life's little trials very entertaining!)
03.08.10 - 02:46 PM / 11nicholee said:
Are the teacups Silver Pine? If they are, shoot me an email. I'm pretty sure my in-laws have a bunch of them, and they're in the antique-sellin' business.
(I'm glad to hear your tush is healing, and I'm sorry you're falling to bits.)
03.08.10 - 02:47 PM / 12mcgreedy said:
Your feet may have changed size (spread out a bit) due to a second pregnancy. That can happen and even a slightly bigger foot can add up to a ton of banging and stubbing. You may not be falling apart that much. You may just need some time to get used to a new proprioception.
As for the tail bone and lack of bottom, I'd advise more Lil' Donets.
03.08.10 - 02:48 PM / 13haleyj said:
Sounds like Dooce and other readers should start using a Neti Pot, I had a sinus infection in May '09 that turned into a double ear infection, after the antibiotics cleared me up I started using the Neti Pot regularly and I haven't had a sinus infection or any cold/sickness since. *knock on wood*
03.08.10 - 02:57 PM / 14Curiosity said:
Reputation untarnished. Sinus infections hurt like heck. Just think,...if all of this physical craziness continues, eventually you will be able to write about being healthy in all caps.
Today I DID NOT FALL DOWN, and NOTHING IS HURTING!
Now that's some good blog fodder.
03.08.10 - 03:04 PM / 15msanth120 said:
:) I remember the first time this happened to me (bare in mind that my mom is a dental hygienist and therefore has made me PARANOID) so yeah..."good news no cavity, just sinus pressure..." me: "surely you're joking? don't spare me. really, they all gotta come out don't they?" poor student dentist at BU....
03.08.10 - 03:11 PM / 16Figtron said:
Dude.
Be glad you no longer live in the South where the sinus infections flow like wine, and allergies sometimes cause people's heads to enlarge to the size of small weather balloons.
If you ever want to become REALLY famous, we can be the first two humans to undergo a butt transplant operation. I have plenty to spare.
Feel better.
03.08.10 - 03:11 PM / 17dkmissie said:
duck tape.It works wonders :)
03.08.10 - 03:19 PM / 18dianemaggipinto... said:
d00d, i'm living your life in sugar house minus the #26, valedictorian, and--sadly--the dogs. i have that sinus infection, baby had that same cough, i was at the e r and had doppler done on a shin injury that might have clotted or become cellulitis or something (but it didn't).
i blame all of it, particularly the sinus infection, on mag corp.
03.08.10 - 03:24 PM / 19LoveMeDaily said:
Ahh! Sinus infections are worse than the kids and the husband getting sick at the same time! Horrid.
Old? No. You can blame this all on the season. It seems winter wants to get in one more kick in the ass before everyone can rejoice in the onslaught of puffy, itchy eyes and irritated noses all in the glorious name of spring! Then, ski injuries will be in the past and bicycle accidents will endure.
www.lovemedaily.com
03.08.10 - 03:47 PM / 20keithandjamie said:
This is random, but with the calcium supplements, make sure you take the kind that doesn't give you kidney stones! Go with calcium citrate!
03.08.10 - 04:07 PM / 21Wombat Central said:
I agree about the neti pot. Run and get thyself one. Wash that snot right outta your head...
And if you do ride a bicyle (as mentioned above), you might consider getting yourself one of those three-wheeled jobbies. No need to invite more injuries.
03.08.10 - 04:13 PM / 22BooBooGaLoo said:
Did you happen to have your D3 checked when they did bloodwork? D3 is a wonderful thing when you get your levels up.
03.08.10 - 04:19 PM / 23charlene_crazed... said:
Same thing happened to me over the holidays. I went to the dentist and was on the verge of telling them to just rip the tooth out because that would hurt less than the pure torture of anything brushing against the tooth causing the pain. but nope. sinus scan and everything else showed it to be a really bad sinus infection along the soft tissue (eww).
i bow down to the neti pot, though. always helps with regular sinus issues.
03.08.10 - 04:29 PM / 24cobaltblue said:
First, that is a truly stunning photo of you and Chuck. Second, I mourn the loss of those cups. Third, have you considered wrapping yourself in duct tape?
03.08.10 - 04:37 PM / 25ehorn said:
You can still get one of those old lady walkers from walgreens. People will totally give you cuts in line if you have one of those. Putting tennis balls on the bottom will make you look for real. Just don't get caught throwing it in the back of your car after you just used it to get ahead of 50 people at the movie theatre.
If anyone says "you look too young for that" just start yelling unintelligible words and spraying spit. Nothing shuts people up faster than that!
03.08.10 - 04:39 PM / 26beth m said:
wrong....I'm the one without a butt....seriously, I'm not sure your no butt can beat my no butt....just saying :)
03.08.10 - 05:46 PM / 27c_kidman69 said:
Well Heather I was raised with a grandmother that I totally love and who is old fashioned. So much so that you never see her without her full makeup and hair done every single day. She used to tell me that you ALWAYS feel better after doing your makeup and hair even if you are sick. So one day I had a killer sinus infection and I got up and did my hair and gingerly put my makeup on my sore face and it didn't help. So I called my grandmother crying and told her that I didn't feel better. I did what she said and I still feel like crap. She asked what was wrong and I told her I had a sinus infection and she said in her sweet grandmother voice "oh didn't I tell you it doesn't work for sinus infections dear?"
Good luck with everything. And unlike other commenters I cannot relate to the no butt thing I have enough for about 4 of you.....just kidding, but I can share some though....maybe I will have the excess fat sucked out and implanted in my boobs to even them up....now that is an interesting thought and totally not related to anything you were talking about. Sorry.
03.08.10 - 06:00 PM / 28mommica said:
Dude, I had the same thing. Aching tooth = sinus infection. Who knew? My dentist prescribed me a Z Pak or Zip Pak or some kind of pack that was supposed to heal me up real quick like. It did not work according to plan and I was on a plane to Guam with drippy nose AND hurty face.
03.08.10 - 06:03 PM / 29Snarkmeister said:
It could be worse. At least your shooting tooth pain can be solved with antibiotics! My shooting tooth pain has resulted in a crown and will shortly be requiring a root canal, since the crown alone did not solve my problem (a cracked tooth). :(
03.08.10 - 06:10 PM / 30