May Ninth, Two Thousand Ten
Yesterday we heard Marlo mumbling, "Coco," repeatedly as she shoved a wedge of graham cracker into her mouth. And then again as she crawled intricate mazes throughout the living room. That's all she said yesterday, and we realized she may think it's the only word in the world because all she hears every day is COCO! COCO! COOOOH! COOOOH!
Those damn babies! Picking up on shit!
I'm writing this as I sit in the SLC airport waiting to board a mega-delayed flight to New York, trying not to feel guilty that I didn't get to see Marlo before I left the house this morning. Leta and I shared several hugs before I left, and I reminded her about that word she used yesterday, in proper context, the one I apologized for saying in front of her, and she said, "I promise I won't say damn again."
What? It's Mother's Day. I had to get my parenting in.
I'll be in New York for less than 24 hours, appearing tomorrow morning on the CBS Early Show, talking about the "rules" around writing about your kids on the Internet. Yeeeaaaaahhh. I don't have much experience with this issue, so I have no idea why they called me. I'm guessing... don't write about that enema you gave your two-year-old?
So, it's Mother's Day. Wait, didn't I already say that? PAY ATTENTION, HEATHER. And I don't get to spend it with my kids. And you would think that this is exactly what a harried mother would want as a present, but I just feel awful about it. And I can pinpoint that feeling to the fact that I identify myself as a working mother now, and balance is incredibly hard to achieve. Damn near impossible (cover your ears, Leta).
I've been trying really hard to stop, no really. STOP. Like, cease moving. To enjoy the little moments with my kids. And it's physically exhausting to force myself to do so, because life is just so nuts. And Leta can't find her balloon, DID SOMEONE POP HER BALLOON? Are you insane? You think ANYONE would pop your balloon? No one is allowed to spell SPIDER or TORNADO while you're in the room. POP YOUR BALLOON, AS IF. While Someone Important From LA is on the phone, and the guy who is here to fix the fence is knocking on the door, and oh no, COOOOH! COOOOH!
I know this isn't a unique situation, and it's one told over and over again, and you're all OH GOD, not this work/life balance bullshit again, is this website turning into the third hour of a morning talk show? Where's the poop, ARMSTRONG?
Well, I just got a text from Jon that said, "Aaaaaaaaand Marlo has the stinkiest smelling diaper EVER." You have no idea how many of our texts to each other are poop updates. Well, then again, you probably do.
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Daddy Scratches said:
Love the "No one is allowed to spell SPIDER or TORNADO while you're in the room."
My soon-to-be-5-year-old daughter has for some time been going through a phase whereby she doesn't want me or my wife to hear what she's saying or see what she's doing ... a problem she solves by telling us: "Don't listen" or "Don't see me." We're wondering at what point she'll realize that we're lying when we say "We can't hear you" or "We can't see you" when she's standing right in front of us.
PS: Happy Mother's Day!
PPS: Good luck with that whole "finding balance" thing ... and, should you succeed, please let me know how it's done.
05.09.10 - 09:41 AM / 1kayakgrrl said:
Aww... *hugs*
I'm in awe of working mothers... And I'm dreading being one.
05.09.10 - 09:51 AM / 2ehorn said:
At least you're going to New York for mothers day! I am cleaning a mountain of dishes, cat barf, and hooking up our AC. I would totally trade my day with yours.
05.09.10 - 09:55 AM / 3Damaris Santos-... said:
you do realize that coco means shit in Portuguese?! We are Brazilians. I showed my mom your blog a while ago and she was all like "who is this person that names their dog shit?"
so now you know why this sentence "Those damn babies! Picking up on shit!" made me pee my pants.
05.09.10 - 09:57 AM / 4Schnauzie_Mom said:
Happy Mother's Day to you and all the awesome moms out there! I think a nice gin and tonic is in order to celebrate since you're hanging out in the airport and don't have the kids. At least it would make that idiot in front of you seem tolerable;-)
05.09.10 - 10:12 AM / 5oddFrogg said:
Happy Mother's Day! I'm not sure how you manage to balance it all, but you do. You have a lovely family. Thanks for taking us along on your journey! You rock, girl.
05.09.10 - 10:23 AM / 6LoriLS said:
Let go of the guilt! Tell the family that since you are traveling this Mother's Day, would they kindly celebrate you next weekend instead?? Who says you have to miss it just because you work? I don't! :)
05.09.10 - 10:38 AM / 7BuenoBabyGirl said:
I'm finding parenting to be a lot like self-employment. When you're crazy with work you just want everything to slow down. Then when you're slow, you worry that you'll never be busy again.
It's the same way with the kids. When I'm with them I just want to sit alone in an airport [yes, the gin and tonic would round out this scenario nicely]. Of course, when I'm working I'm worrying that I'm missing their one and only childhoods.
05.09.10 - 10:46 AM / 8Pixie said:
Hey Heather, good luck in NYC! I hope to catch you on the tube. As for Mother's Day, just celebrate when you get home, slow down, take a few of those moments, and relish them.....poop, coco, the craziness....and may I suggest a Vodka Mojito!
05.09.10 - 10:54 AM / 9Pandora Has A Box said:
Happy Mother's Day and have a drink. I'm with @Schnauzie mom, a g&t sounds really good right now.
Also, my daughter's word for poop was "Coco", and we're not Portuguese.
I think being in the moment and just STOPPING is incredibly difficult, but you're aware of where you want to be, which is a large part of the battle. I don't work anymore, but I remember feeling insane as I fielded phone calls from clients and fed babies simultaneously. It was HARD.
Enjoy NYC!
05.09.10 - 11:05 AM / 10Trina said:
Mother's Day would not be complete without a good poop story. All Mom's should share poop stories. There should be a subtext to mother's day called POOP DAY. Wait, that's every freakin day for us mom's with babies now isn't it.
05.09.10 - 11:22 AM / 11Heather too said:
What's the point of being parents if you can't talk about bodily functions? My husband and I did it with our daughter, and we do it now with our dog. It must be pathalogical!! But who knew that bowel movements were an integral test of our child's overall health and well being.
I loved your comment that Marlo is asking for "juice" by saying "dooce"!!! Cherish the mispronunciations. They learn to say it right all too soon.
My daughter used to say "washclosh", my niece used to say "shlokat cake". The adults keep the vocabulary alive, while the child leaves it in the dust.
Oh, one other thing about language skills. When my daughter was in the first grade, she came home saying "tough shirt" at an appropriate moment. And, "I'm not going to eat that "crab" stuff.
We started giving our daughter a quarter every time WE used inappropriate language. She didn't really rake it in, because it raised our level of conscious thought. But, she did make some money.
05.09.10 - 11:37 AM / 12Deborah L Quinn said:
re: giving your kids money when you swear...we had friends come to dinner once and my friend (childless) handed our 9yo a ten dollar bill, said "now we're covered" and proceeded to curse all night.
re: Jon's poop-tweet: isn't it a wonderful mother's day present that HE is doing diapers instead of you? think of it: an entirely shitless mother's day. Hallmark should make a card.
05.09.10 - 11:44 AM / 13Nina Amelia said:
Kev and I are totally in on the poop updates. We use a lot of time discussing our dogs poop and I'm a little afraid of what is going to happen in August when we become "real" parents :)
05.09.10 - 12:21 PM / 14Babydoll said:
Just checking in and was delighted to see a post. Happy Mother's Day, Heather! Please don't guilt yourself - it's energy wasted. Maybe you can have a 'make-up' Mother's Day when you get back - really milk it and have breakfast in bed with handmade cards and everything.
We just got back from a walk on the beach, collecting sea glass. It was heaven.
Wishing you and your family all the best, even when that 'best' includes dialogue about pooping. It's all good...
05.09.10 - 02:23 PM / 15jg said:
Happy Mo Day Heather!
ETA- My check-you're-a-person spammer test words were 'crossways she'. Like Yoda.
05.09.10 - 04:12 PM / 16jenwilson said:
Looking forward to watching the segment! I think the fact that you're an amazing mother to your girls will make up for the fact that they don't get to have you home this Mother's Day.
Have fun!
05.09.10 - 04:30 PM / 17Heathers Garden said:
Try having to share your Mother's Day with the actual mother of my stepson (the stepson who lives in my house). And when I'm nice like I was this year, waiting until she makes her plans to make ours, it's so late that we can't even get a brunch reservation. I know, ridiculous first world issue. Try to take a deep breath and relax. I know that's easier said than done, but I worry about you.
05.09.10 - 05:00 PM / 18muttlery said:
Happy Mothers Day! I feel for you with the work/life/mother balancing act. I work part-time and I've always said it's ok once I'm actually at work - it's getting there and back that is the hard part - so it must be really difficult when you work from home. I also try to remind myself to stop and be with them, instead of thinking about what needs to be done next. I've thought about getting those wooden leters everybody loves on their wall, that say things like COOK or LIVE or PEACE. I'd just get STOP.
Kiss NY for me.
05.09.10 - 04:40 PM / 19JulietZ said:
My husband is out of town and I just got online and found my teenager's last google search: "Can a 16 year old run away from home?"
The guilt is huge...I guess there's a payoff somewhere, somehow at somepoint.
As far as Mother's Day -- I just console myself thinking what a Hallmark load of crap holiday it is:) And then I bitch about in my blog. www.parentingfromthecouch.wordpress.com
05.09.10 - 04:54 PM / 20mommyoffour said:
I was hoping for a Mother's Day post from you today, and lo and behold, there it IS! And I must say, as stretched thin as we mothers can become, taking a step back and really enjoying the little things is what really matters, isn't it? There will be a time in the future when you get the pampering you need and deserve on Mother's Day, but when the kiddos are little, its just important that you are there for them. I am sure they missed you as much as you missed them today. And, for what its worth, I think you are doing a great job at keeping the balance! Hope you had a great day today!
05.09.10 - 05:01 PM / 21mamatabea said:
...just wanted to say that I applaud you for still trying to chase those quiet moments even when things are crazy. It takes a long time to learn to be patient with yourself and actually ENJOY slowing down. But sometimes it just happens and it's worth all the frustration and failed first attempts.
Don't know if you ever read "TO HELL WITH ALL THAT.
Loving and Loathing Our Inner Housewife" by Caitlin Flanagan. It's about many aspects of being a stay-at-home or working-outside-the-home Mom but mostly about embracing that freedom we have today to choose and embracing all the feelings that come with it. We're allowed to love and loathe it because life is never perfect and neither are we.
Aaaaaaargh, here I am getting all deep and meaningful on you...I am so sorry ;) But I had to get it off my chest. You're posts are always meaningful to me, serious or funny.
All the best to you,
tabea
05.09.10 - 06:05 PM / 22MPyrzynski said:
Happy Mother's Day, Heather!
How in the hell did you not slap the moron who blamed the two hour delay on Obama?
Or... maybe he's right. Maybe the President knew THAT GUY was on that plane and delayed it just to piss him off.
Hey, it could happen!
Don't worry about "missing" Mother's Day. Like everyone else suggested, celebrate it when you return. Your kids love you and you love them. That's all that really matters.
05.09.10 - 06:30 PM / 23Billygean said:
I have to give a stool sample next week. My boyfriend drives so he has to take it in on his way to work.
My boyfriend is delivering my poop. That's right.
05.09.10 - 06:54 PM / 24lynnbied said:
our favorite home movies are of our 2 and 4 year old girls in the tub together and the 4 year old saying "shit down!" to her sister. Mothers Day is every day - write this stuff down or get it on camera because you will all enjoy it several Mothers Days from now
05.09.10 - 07:56 PM / 25Crazy Lu said:
I think poop stories are great. For some reason when I share a poop story about my dogs on Facebook, I get all kinds of TMI comments... I just do not get it?
05.09.10 - 08:03 PM / 26reymiland said:
It's so sad that you can't be with your own children on Mothers Day (isn't it your babies first one?) because you are too busy pimping your lifestyle as a hip, modern day mommy who blogs about her children so EVERYONE can know every little detail?
You will never get back the moments you miss Heather. Is all the fame and hoopla really worth it to you and your family?
~~just sayin' is all.
05.09.10 - 09:18 PM / 27Vander said:
I'm amazed how, even on Mother's Day, people like reymiland have to question other people's choices. How do you have any idea what Heather misses or is there for? Please let me judge your choices, because it looks like you are having fun judging Heather.
Happy mother's day, Heather and all of the other mommys. I would never want the job, but you make it look good.
05.09.10 - 09:55 PM / 28LuckyMama said:
Heather- I think we have the same kids or we're living in alternate universes!?! Leta and my daughter are only a few months apart, and my son is 16 months.
The only word remotely close to a swear word that she has used to this day is DAMN...which for my potty mouth is a miracle! My husband is to thank for this word, but when she used it (twice) she used it in context so how can we complain? She knows now that DARN is a better word and has never said it since.
My son's 2nd word, after Mama of course, was OZZY! More like Oz-zee! Like you, I am constantly yelling at the dog so we're pretty sure that is why he learned it so fast.
Sorry to hear you hade to be away for Mother's Day...I vote that next Sunday is "Make-Up Mother's Day!"
05.09.10 - 10:07 PM / 29The Bold Soul said:
Maybe your special Mother's Day bonus this year was NOT having to change that particular poopy diaper.
True story: my nephew (who graduated college this weekend and got commissioned as a 2nd Lieut. in the Army) was 3 when he said the "F" word at his baby-sitter's house (which is where we think he picked it up in the first place). Of course his mother and the babysitter explained to him that this was not a nice word. So fine. The next day, I was playing the "Cootie" game with him, you know the game where you make little plastic bugs? And as he finished assembling his Cootie, he looked down at it and very casually said "F***". Like he was saying "cookie" or "dog", like he was just trying it on for size to see how it felt. So I said, "Steven, what did you just say?" and he looked at me calmly and said, "I said F*** to the cootie". And just then my sister walked in, and when I told her, "Mommy, do you know what Steven just said?" you know, trying to act like a responsible adult and all -- and SHE just burst out laughing!
So much for parental discipline. Sometimes, it's just funny and you HAVE to laugh.
And why are my Captcha words "again wifeliest"? Is "wifeliest" even a word? Does that make me the wifeliest of wives?
05.10.10 - 12:03 AM / 30