The newest member of Blurbodoocery, Inc.
A few months ago we needed to hire a new assistant, and through a friend we met someone who fit every requirement and then some. Internet, meet John:
Yes. There are now two people in this house who go by that name, and so to avoid any confusion I refer to my husband as Armstrong. I refer to John as Tyrant.
Don't let that smile fool you. Yes, he is lovely and friendly, but he was hired to keep things in order, and BY GOD, do not get in his way. His sense of order has totally transformed our lives, and sometimes it gets in the way. A few weeks ago he told me that I should cut back on going to the gym because it was getting in the way of The Schedule. How was I going to get all my work done if I'm over there playing around on the treadmill? And I was all, PLAYING AROUND? You think I'm out clowning around with rubber boots full of tequila, handing out condoms and kazoos? BUDDY?
YOU go maintain an eight-minute mile for sixty minutes and then come back and give me all the delicious details on that party. BUDDY.
Already he has caught on to and likes to exploit some of my weaker personality traits, mainly the one where I will believe anything. And startle easily. To the point that when he walks into the room I grab a helmet. Hey, Heather, your baby just fell down the stairs. Or, hey, Heather, Coco just ran outside and bit a small child. Or, hey, Heather, I think I hear a tornado siren.
And then I have a heart attack and everyone laughs.
He's very good at this, and sometimes I team up with him to try and startle Armstrong. Like that one time I had him come into the office and say, very loudly, that there were two scary looking people at the door asking for dooce. And we waited for Armstrong's paranoia to explode, moving quickly out of the way so he could grab a bat. But Armstrong just sat there completely unaware, consumed with something online. It just so happened to be a day when Apple was announcing something.
BAD PLANNING! Tyrant, we'll have to try that one again!
So, I know some of you are like, why does Heather have an assistant? A blogger needs an assistant? Does she hire someone to wipe her ass, too? And I could sit here and try to tell you how crazy it is over here, that every hour of my life is scheduled into discrete increments and that at times it feels like we're all walking a tightrope. Because this blogging gig isn't just pajamas and hand jobs.
Although that part is nice.
But really, it's just like any other small business. Same story. And having Tyrant around has made us realize just how badly we've needed him and his influence. He's a life changer.
And no, you can't have him.
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FM Living
ChickWhitt said:
*in a huff* Fine, I didn't want my life changed anyway! Don't share!
05.17.10 - 01:37 PM / 1Schnauzie_Mom said:
Pajamas and hand jobs. Does life get any better??
And an eight minute mile for sixty minutes...nice work!
05.17.10 - 01:39 PM / 2paperbacks1980 said:
Hey, I can do a fifteen-minute mile for...fifteen minutes. Rock!
What happened to Katie?
05.17.10 - 01:50 PM / 3taylor said:
HOT!!
05.17.10 - 01:51 PM / 4Greta Koenigin said:
So THAT'S what organization looks like. Must say he doesn't seem familiar to me at all. I like his shirt.
05.17.10 - 01:59 PM / 5Hagan Squared said:
It took me a minute to get past the hotness. Yowza!
05.17.10 - 02:01 PM / 6TexasKatie said:
"Because this blogging gig isn't just pajamas and hand jobs."
Possibly the funniest quote ever.
And that guy is pretty effin hot.
05.17.10 - 02:02 PM / 7Essembee said:
Do you require a photo to be attached to the CV when you're looking for assistants?! Both assistants so far have been beautiful people...
05.17.10 - 02:04 PM / 8Jeca51601 said:
Wohoooo!
Woohhhohhhooooo!
No, seriously, I started giggling like a school girl!
05.17.10 - 02:05 PM / 9deege said:
Yum. Just a little bite? Pleeeeeze??
05.17.10 - 02:06 PM / 10Bluestalking said:
Girlfriend, what I want is a WIFE. Yes, I'm a female, and married, but I want someone willing to cook, clean, shuttle kids and do the shopping for me. Not sure about the "I have a headache" thing, though. But all the other stuff? Absolutely!
05.17.10 - 02:09 PM / 11bossyboots said:
He's CUTE.
What happened to Katey?
Great post!
05.17.10 - 02:10 PM / 12thegreyattic said:
What happened to Katie??
05.17.10 - 02:15 PM / 13lollynx said:
Katey?!?!
05.17.10 - 02:27 PM / 14kristanhoffman said:
Welcome, and good luck! :P
05.17.10 - 02:31 PM / 15dooce said:
As Katey's former employer, I can't legally say anything. Seriously, it's against the law.
05.17.10 - 02:33 PM / 16Heather B. said:
You know...I've never been to Utah. Now seems like a perfectly fine time for me to come and visit.
05.17.10 - 02:43 PM / 17jennisdrinking said:
Ok, fine- you can't comment on Katey's departure...
Can you at least say whatever happened to Chuck's goddess of love?? I think her name was Heidi. Come on!!!! (and I'm not a mulitiple exclamation point kind of person, for the record)
05.17.10 - 02:48 PM / 18gretchie said:
Oh, those laws. Nonetheless, wish Ms. Katie and her sweet baby well for us, if you get the chance to speak to her again. And, if you're not on speaking terms then, a) DON'T TELL US ANYTHING - we don't want you to get in trouble, and b) Katie, if you're reading this, we wish you well. And your cute little baby girl, too.
I married a man like Tyrant. Comes in handy when I need to bully around a telemarketer or a company attempting to double-bill us. Plus, he actually enjoys this. Brings him joy. Which is perfect for me b/c I SUCK at confrontation.
05.17.10 - 02:49 PM / 19theotherlion said:
More pictures of Hottie McHotPants, I mean Tyrant, please.
But seriously, I don't know how you would manage your business and have any time for your family without help.
05.17.10 - 03:04 PM / 20Kristen from MA said:
YUM.
05.17.10 - 03:05 PM / 21labradoris said:
Not to be confrontational and perhaps you or others can edify me - but I didn't think it was against the law to talk about former employees.
Speaking about former employees other than to confirm or deny previous employment, I thought, was based solely on an existing company policy (e.g., "My company policy dictates I can only confirm this person's past employment.").
As far as state or federal laws go, however, I do not believe there are any in existence that dictate that an employer can't talk about a former employee.
Now, what an employer chooses to share - a bad reference, for example - can be held against them as far as defamation, but only if it is untrue or exaggerated. As long as the information is true and factual (and does not contain information that would violate privacy laws, such as HIPAA), the past employer can share the information with a future potential employer.
That's MY (limited) understanding of employment law.
Now, as far as this area is concerned - any non-disclosure agreements in a contract could specify the employer would not be able to give a reference or talk about the employee other than to confirm past employment - and maybe that's the situation here. And, the company certainly has a right to not disclose to the public certain information - especially a small business.
But what do I know, right?
05.17.10 - 03:06 PM / 22labradoris said:
(and good for you for snagging an employee that is most excellent at tricky confrontation!)
=)
05.17.10 - 03:07 PM / 23krazykris71 said:
OMG, how did you get all the man candy in Utah to hang out at your house everyday? Good thing you're married and have 2 kids (I hope that's what is keeping you from tackling him!!!) See if you can exploit him like you do Chuck and get in some inappropriate pics, backside would be nice :P
05.17.10 - 03:09 PM / 24Number 99 said:
He's pretty damn cute, and I'm super glad that he's earning his keep, but the real conversation here is: EIGHT MINUTE MILES!? Go Heather. Kick that treadmill's ass.
05.17.10 - 03:09 PM / 25judi_cutrone said:
Is he- is that my hedge fund manager? What's happening here?
05.17.10 - 03:22 PM / 26Vander said:
@labradoris: Sometimes employment ends in separation agreements that need to be kept confidential. My last employment ended that way. I would tell you more...but by law, I can't.
05.17.10 - 03:24 PM / 27barbara said:
Hello cutie! Between your husband and this new assistant, I wish I was living at your house! Lucky girl!!
05.17.10 - 03:26 PM / 28Bluestalking said:
Never mind Katey! What happened to GEORGE! Haven't heard about him in a long time. I miss the exploits of GEORGE!
05.17.10 - 03:29 PM / 29rebelprince26 said:
umm, he's super hot. is he gay and single?
05.17.10 - 03:29 PM / 30