• kimba

    i come from a family of 4 girls. syncing up is the real reason polygamy shouldn’t be allowed! i quickly learned why some tribes send women off during their cycles. genius.

  • MJBUtah

    ahhh, the Grabby McGrabersons phase. Always followed up by the visit from Screechy McTantrum.

  • hammy

    Sounds like my daughter!

    Wait until the pushing away becomes full-on slapping.

  • BexBrown

    I have 4 daughters and have a baby boy to add to the mix. Hold onto your hats folks, it gets SO much worse! Can’t wait to watch the next season!

  • The Prima Momma

    My sweet, loving, would-never-hurt-a-fly, son has recently taken to clocking me as hard as he can. He may be small, but DAMN, that hurts – especially when you don’t expect it.

    Let’s hope these particular phases pass sooner rather than later…

  • Schnauzie_Mom

    Shots of Patron…ahh! Sounds like she’s going to make someone a great wingman at the bar someday:-)

  • Chez Sanderosa

    “God help Jon when all three of us sync up.” – BWHAHAHAHA!!!

  • witchuponastar

    um, those electrical protectors fit in a variety of baby parts and if you had twin girls you would also know that.

  • sweetpotatopie

    No. I don’t believe you. Marlo looks way too sweet to be this monster you have described. Those eyes? Those dimples? Nope. Not possible.

  • SLCgirl

    Yeah, the outlet covers themselves are a choking hazard. Babinski’s in Foothill Village sells outlet covers that are wall plates. They are pricy, so I’m taking them with me when we move!

  • Parsing Nonsense

    I guess Marlo’s just fulfilling that axiom of wild second children. Poor Leta’s going to have to start learning how to fight with her gloves off, or at least start learning how to make it look like every bad thing’s her little sister’s fault…

  • mycouchhascrumbs

    I.so.know. I honestly believe you and I, of course I am biased, but I believe that you and I have the most adorable babies. They are just about a month apart. Jacob turned 12 months on May 8. I also believe some day they should get married, but hey, thats not the point here. I didnt think I could get a happier baby then my first son, and then Jacob came a long. And he is SUCH a happy little boy, and so so sweet. BUT. in the last month or so, his temper has shown up full force. And it is something to be very very afraid of. That sweet little thing will scream and flail and let his body go limp if you even think of taking something away from him. Usually he likes to try to unplug things, which of course gives me a heart attack every time. And now that he has a mouth full of sharp puppy teeth, he thinks its hilarious to bite me. During his rage he will clamp down on whatever body part he can, and when I react(or dont, tried that too) he will laugh in that evil laugh, and then continue to throw his massive fit. So. I feel your pain. I know how misleading it can be to have this adorable little baby, and have them scare the crap out of you. Well, really I just shake my head, and turn away so I can laugh at him. *sigh* oh being a mom, huh?

  • twelvedaysold

    This is your brain on Tyra?

  • juliemewood

    Ummmm, amen to that! Our 2nd is an exact replica of what you just described. Watch out!!

    Oh, and good luck too!

  • austinmomof7

    My youngest is definitely the meanest. Everyone says that it’s because she has to compete with six older brothers and sisters, but that’s totally bogus. She’s just plain mean and all six of them bow down to her and give her whatever she wants. She is in charge and she knows it.

  • tallnoe

    BIRTH CONTROL IN ACTION!!!
    Thank you for that… just when I thought… “the cuteness…” HAHAHAH

    Never mind. I like my birth control method.

    Thanks.

  • MelissaJ

    ahhh…the second child; had that child been born first, an ONLY child it would have been. maybe they sense that your defenses are down; you think you know it all so they’ll show you…whatever it is, God love 2nd babies…they are different!

  • Brea

    Marlo is a total bad ass! She will be a force to reckon with.

    I hope you’ve got a good hickey from all that lunging and biting at your necklace. Makes for a great story (although the story was pretty good with the trolling vampire analogy).

  • adulterousellie

    Jon, just climb into the toaster now. Truly. It will just save time and hassle (and who knows, maybe even agony) in the long run.

  • Mrs. Q.

    It’s NUMBER TWO! (The kid kind, not the um *that* kind.)

    They are insane. Parenting experts say it’s because they learn faster from their siblings, but my first child never ate plug covers, climbed the bookcase or tried to crawl into the dryer.

  • akturner1

    I laughed out loud at this post, thanks! I love Marlo’s antics!

  • ATXGirl

    Last line – epic…. LOL I fear the same when my little girl and I “sync up”… poor Hubs….

  • Lucy mom

    You know, one of my favorite memories is about 13 years old. I was in my boss’s office at 8:30 pm and she had her 1 year-old there. She wanted to give me something to do, handed me her son , and started digging through her desk. Suddenly, she looks at me and screams – I’m perplexed but look down at her son in my arms and see that he has my beautiful black onyx stone necklace in his mouth. And frankly, he looks like he’s fine with it. I started laughing, stopped when I saw the I’ll-fire-you-on-the-spot-bitch look on her face and calmly removed the necklace from him and handed him back to his mother.

    Two weeks later my own little Lucy sucked down the same necklace and I lauhghed again, only this time the job wasn’t on the line.

    I like that you and Jon enjoy every moment of this time.

  • blytheswideshut

    Elliott who is two weeks younger than Marlo is about 1 month ahead of her in the “aggressive baby” stakes. We have squealing, biting, slapping and shoving.

    The worst part of it is the out and out belly laugh at being reprimanded and the word “No!” well, lets just say he seems to think it’s some sort of comedy routine.

    My favourite it the lunge for something – glasses, necklace, buttons, laptop – the reprimand – the laugh at being told off, then the gentle way he snuggles into your shoulder looks up at you – then !crunch! the vicious bite in your delicate neck/shoulder/arm/BREAST-flesh.

    I want my cute little one back. This almost walking, climbing, screeching monkey-baby is getting sent back.

  • mamadouce

    my 2 year old consistently bullies my 4 year old. It is too funny! He actually takes his older brothers toys just because he knows that it gets him all riled up. Yesterday, he grabbed his favorite planet hero figure and ran away giggling the whole time and finally getting down on all fours and shoving it under the couch. My older son was hysterical crying, while his baby bro stuck his thumb in his mouth and cooly waddled away as if to say, “my work here is done.” Was it wrong that my husband and I just watch this all go down, laughing and certainly not intervening?

  • kristanhoffman

    LOL to kimba’s comment, and thank heavens Coco doesn’t have a cycle too… (Or at least I assume.)

  • mamakelly

    Inevitably, I will someday be punished for how hard I just laughed at that. I know my day will come.

  • Angeerah

    Seriously, what is with the laughing? W is a little older than Marlos and does this to me all the time. He thinks that me reprimanding him is the most hysterical thing ever. I can only imagine what junior high will be like.

  • dykewife

    screw syncing, think of what the poor man will be like if y’all sequence. one, then the other then the last. in sync he has the idea that after a few days it’ll all be over. in sequence it won’t end until you decide to go into menopause and the girls move out of the house.

    i love thinking positive thoughts.

  • SarahP of NakedCupcakes

    He’ll probably have to leave for 5 to 7 days each month, returning only to throw red meat and chocolate into the window once a day.

  • magwilky

    I feel your pain. My girls are very similar to yours. My first child: very sweet and gentle, the younger one, who is now 4, spawn of the devil (just kidding, kind of) She loves to bully her 8 year old sister. The physical harm peaked when she was between 2.5 and 3.5 and has tapered slightly, but maybe because the big sis started fighting back. Oh man, it is a CHALLENGE (read: pain in the ass) mediating between the 2 of them, usually I just let them duke it out.

  • Candy

    Jon, I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve started praying for you NOW.

  • TexasKatie

    She is still the cutest little lovebug ever! Whether she is a grabby, biting vampire bat or not! :)

  • andrea_j

    My heavens, you gave birth to Coco’s twin..on tequilla.

  • Missives From Suburbia

    I’m going out on a limb here and saying it’s the second child. Because mine is the same way, and my first one is just like Leta. Well, not JUST like Leta, because that would make him more anal-retentive than me, and he’s not that bad. Yet. But, yeah, we call my second one the little beastie.

  • emmadden04

    outlet problem? i love love love these. http://www.acehardware.com/product/index.jsp?productId=1294949&CAWELAID=155441507

    keeps my 2 yr old away from “french-kissing” the outlets—and no choking hazards unless Marlo can use a screwdriver or power tools.

  • luv and kiwi

    my heart went pitter pat after reading “bitch i will cut you”

  • dabbles

    ok, so i loved the blog before marlo, because i know that leta and my daughter have a lot in common. like they could be twins, except for the age difference and the fact that actually my older daughter eats everything. then marlo came along. about the same time as my younger daughter (who just turned one yesterday!) and when i read about marlo i think “wait a damn minute! heather came to my house, watched my kid, took notes, and DIDN’T stay for drinks? WTF”

    marlo and my youngest would be the best play date in the world. they would conspire on ways to destroy the world and heather and i could lay by my pool drinking margaritas.

  • IsadoraTheFury

    I laughed hysterically when reading this! I can appreciate your disbelief regarding Marlo’s “craziness”. I have two girls as well. They are 2 and 3. Everyday I wonder how I’ll make it to age 5 nevermind 15. *Sigh* Oh well. Somehow it still brings me overwhelming joy with the intermittent moments of terror.

  • Keri

    I totally laughed out loud all throughout this post. A way with words you have indeed.

    Lesson learned: Not a good idea to drink water while reading Dooce.

    Also, I can relate. My son Jude is a shark when it comes to things he wants in his hands. He’s picking up words left and right, and while he refuses to say “mama,” I have a feeling that “STEP OFF, BITCH” isn’t too far off.

  • momof8

    I have 6 boys and 2 girls and let me tell you, when we sync up it totally negates the testosterone!

  • medwards

    My son was the best baby and kid. He started sleeping through the night at six weeks, was never interested in anything electrical, would play by himself for hours at a stretch, even watched entire movies for an hour and a half at 12 months. Was a little picky eating, he lived on peanut butter and chicken nuggets, but grew up to be 6’3″. However, he’s now 17 years old and I don’t know how we survived the last year and I’m not sure we’ll survive the next one. If there is anything a teen-ager can do he has done.

    On the other hand, my daughter is 4 1/2 and has always been into everything, demands total attention from everyone in the room, eats anything, including the outlet covers, and can be very physically punishing. I’m just praying she’s getting the rebellion out now and not waiting until she’s a teenager. I don’t think I’ll survive another one.

  • Kassi

    that’s what we call “girls night” and the guys all have to leave or be subject to our whim. It works. Poor Armstrong :)

  • Monkey

    My youngest is like that as well. One of the first pictures of my two boys has my youngest pushing on his brother. And so it began.

  • hoosiergirl1962

    All I wanna know is…..
    Has she done the “throw yourself on the floor. become stiff as a board and scream like a banshee” yet???
    Just a coming attraction….

  • funke

    This officially goes down as the funniest Dooce post for me. There’s something about that ridiculously cute, innocent, angel from heaven baby bossing the whole house around that I find hilarious.

  • freckleface

    Lol… “sync up”. It’s like you guys are iPods.

  • Brian V. Hunt

    Can’t you stop this behavior by just giving her shots of Patrón?

    Also, the captcha I got when I signed up for Dooce was climax zinnias. Anyone know where they grow those and whether you can smoke them?

  • Starr

    Just wait until she starts hitting complete strangers in the back of the head. Oh, wait. That wasn’t a complete stranger. It was only a VP of one of the companies my husband does business with!

  • sexylikeapeanut

    I’m in tears laughing because I’m dealing with the same thing. My baby girl is almost exactly a month older than Marlo. My son is soon to be three. When he gets in her way, she grabs him around the waste and throws herself backwards, taking him with her. While growling. My terror started walking at 10 months and has been tearing it up since.