Things you never want to hear our trainer say in the middle of a workout
"Let's try this. I just made it up in my head."
"Ready for some fun?" (usually followed by a set of one hundred "fun" push-ups)
"I think you're ready for more weight."
"We did this exercise in the class I taught this morning, and only two people died."
"If you don't have perfect form on this you'll dislocate your shoulder."
"How hard do you want to work?" (usually followed by a workout somewhere in the range of totally impossible to Jon passing out ten minutes in)
"Wow. I was just kidding. I've never had a client do that many."
"This one will really engage your core. That last one was just practice."
"You don't look so good. Only do fifty more."
"This ball was made so that it doesn't bounce. I want you to dribble it for ten minutes."
"I've never tried this one before. You're going to be my guinea pig."
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FM Living
dooce said:
Having said all this, I've never been in better shape!
06.08.10 - 10:55 AM / 1JJM-JJM said:
"Come on maggot!"
Also: how would swimming be as a workout for you?
06.08.10 - 10:57 AM / 2tracy said:
Come on, you can tell us. You're secretly a sadist, aren't you?
06.08.10 - 10:58 AM / 3sherrye22 said:
Ha! How about my trainer's favorite:
"This will look funny, but will hurt SO good tomorrow!"
06.08.10 - 11:04 AM / 4Jacquie said:
Also "Let's drop a level and bring your heart rate down just a smidge. Where did I put those notes from defibrillator training?"
06.08.10 - 11:10 AM / 5MsKathleen said:
I don't like that look in your eye, drop and give me 50! Are you sure your trainer isn't a drill sergeant in disguise?
06.08.10 - 11:14 AM / 6RathrBeAtWrigley said:
I'm getting married in six months and I have 60 pounds to loose. My first workout with my trainer is Wednesday. I'm scared.
06.08.10 - 11:24 AM / 7cateyb said:
500 years ago "personal trainers" worked in dungeons seeing how long they could torture someone without actually killing them.
I don't think much has changed except now we, the tortured, pay them for their services.
06.08.10 - 11:24 AM / 8ChickWhitt said:
And yet, they all sound like good things if you are saying them in the bedroom...
"You look like you could use more weight, honey"
"I've never tried this one before, you can be my guinea pig"
"Wow, I was just kidding, I've never had a partner do that many"
06.08.10 - 11:27 AM / 9tracy said:
PS, you're a badass. Where the hell do you get your everlasting energy from? Caffeine drip?
06.08.10 - 11:31 AM / 10barbara said:
My parents are trainers, so I've heard these all before!
06.08.10 - 11:35 AM / 11mommyoffour said:
"That's all for this morning. See you after lunch for the next session!"
06.08.10 - 11:37 AM / 12TexasKatie said:
This is why I don't have a trainer.
Oh wait. I don't have the money for a trainer. But if I DID have money, I wouldn't have a trainer, because they are mean!
06.08.10 - 11:44 AM / 13Greta Koenigin said:
Trainers are the great equalizers. They take famous people and treat them like they're unlovable Bendaroos. I don't know if this helps, but I hear that even Metallica goes through it.
06.08.10 - 12:32 PM / 14simpliSAHM said:
My "trainer" is the Hubby. When we work out I always hear some annoying version of: "Come on, pick it up, this is exercise!" He likes to remind me that he's no where near as tough as "Jillian" (Biggest Loser) but frankly, I'd much rather take her abuse than hear Hubby's oh-so-helpful proddings.
06.08.10 - 12:57 PM / 15all my user nam... said:
And yet you don't shower every day?
Just sayin...
06.08.10 - 01:42 PM / 16dooce said:
I always shower when I work out.
06.08.10 - 01:46 PM / 17hoosiergirl1962 said:
Did the tyrant hire the trainer?? Because he sounds like they could be related or something....
06.08.10 - 02:02 PM / 18teamcraun said:
"our" trainer? After only reading these quips, I am ever so grateful that I do not have one... :)
06.08.10 - 02:11 PM / 19Ray1987 said:
They just want you to die. Don't they? LOL! =P
06.08.10 - 02:27 PM / 20J. Bo said:
Your trainer is a psychotic Nazi off his meds...
06.08.10 - 05:02 PM / 21Lauranh said:
"There's no shame in throwing up." Said to me as my head was between my knees...
06.08.10 - 05:56 PM / 22Toots said:
I'm a personal trainer. And I am laughing really hard right now. That dribbling one really cracked me up!
06.08.10 - 06:23 PM / 23m2h said:
First time to the gym...ever...and the skinny little wiry man says "okay, first let me measure your backfat". Last time to the gym...ever.
06.08.10 - 06:27 PM / 24Hagan Squared said:
"This ball was made so that it doesn't bounce. I want you to dribble it for ten minutes."
I am cracking up! I know exactly what ball you are talking about. I hate that effing thing.
06.08.10 - 06:49 PM / 25Babydoll said:
My personal trainer said to me once:
"That's great! Really good work, except you're on the machine backwards..."
06.08.10 - 08:32 PM / 26Abra Cat said:
I much prefer my exercise method-- walk up a big hill, then walk down it, conveniently landing in my friend's yard, where she hands me a beer.
06.09.10 - 03:18 AM / 27Ranger said:
Oh, thank you. I am too old to have a trainer. The first session would cause a massive event and kill me.
Disclaimer: Not that Ranger ...
06.09.10 - 06:06 AM / 28denice said:
my favorite:
"This ball was made so that it doesn't bounce. I want you to dribble it for ten minutes."
also, Abra Cat is onto something....
06.09.10 - 08:45 AM / 29BOSSY said:
Bossy's "trainer" is her young daughter, trying to interpret the instructions that came with Bossy's newly purchased Core Ball -- which sounds a lot like variations of this, "And now you drape your upper body over the ball and throw your legs in the air..."
06.09.10 - 07:44 PM / 30