• keneumey

    Did you see the episode of “It’s Me or the Dog” last week with the two Dobermans? (Dobermen?) The couple NEVER scooped the backyard (and they didn’t have snow as an excuse). The wife said, “I find it very hard to believe that everyone in America goes in the backyard and cleans up after their dogs.”

    After Victoria Stillwell convinced them that’s exactly what they should do, because the dogs were tracking fecal matter into their home, the woman said, “I’m not going to scoop the poop when I can hire someone to do it for me.”

  • AttyGirlTex

    So here’s my question — I abhor people parking on the curb when they have perfectly good garages and driveways. It makes the neighborhood look trashy, and ever since I was a kid, I’ve day-dreamed about making up signs to put on people’s windsheilds . . . to nicely encourage them [yeah, that's it] to park in their darn garages or driveways! Any suggestions?

  • bethiecow

    AttyGirlTex – The aforementioned PassiveAgressiveNotes.com should give you plenty of ideas.

  • Anndruh

    I would say you should submit this flyer to passiveaggressivenotes.com (the best timesuck EVER), but not as much passive aggressive as it is unadulterated, in-your-face, rule-following rage.

    Loves it!

  • eleanorstrousers

    I’m amazed by the number of people who think their “voice control” gives them the right to have their dog around strangers unleashed.

    Again, it’s not about how well-trained your dog is. People with phobias, small children, etc. all have the right to be out in public without worrying that your dog will “come say hi”.

    If your dog was the world champion for good behavior, I would still be terrified of it. And I’m sorry, but people’s rights to physical safety before “pets’ rights” to be off leash.

  • highcountrymama

    Have been reading your blog for quite sometime, but I’ve never felt compelled to comment until now. The whole “hungry pitbull” thing is ridiculous, not to mention incredibly ignorant and harmful. You and your assistant just lost major respect points from me. Please- inform yourself.

  • mhsqrd

    I want a Tyrant!

  • Deb Haw

    I am officially in love with Tyrant. Hook me up.
    ;)

  • ladydayholiday

    I love Tyrant for being brave enough to post that. I have a very loving, wonderful dog, but she doesn’t like other dogs, especially small yippy dogs, and those are more often than not the kind that people seem to think that it’s OK to not put on a leash.

    This makes my dog look like the bad guy when she starts growling at the yappy dog who is RUNNING AND BARKING FULL STEAM TOWARDS HER and invading her space because the owner is not responsible enough to respect other people and put their damn dog on a leash.

    People who don’t leash their dogs give me endless amounts of stress because I’m the one who has to worry about keeping my dog calm and keeping the other dog from getting in a fight with my dog because of pet owners who are lazy and irresponsible .

    If you want to let your dog run around GET A LONGER LEASH.

  • LuckIsMyMiddleName

    I’m a rule follower too, but I’m also OK with (judiciously) letting the dog off the leash in some of the places where it’s forbidden. There’s a clearing behind a marsh near our apartment where we do just that on a pretty regular basis, because otherwise the poor thing almost never gets to be outside off her leash.

    Poop, though? I always pick it up. Always. Because we live in an apartment complex with a lot of dogs, and when we got Gladys from the breeder in mid-February, a lot of those dogs’ owners had been shirking their obligation to pick up poop all winter. Which wasn’t such a big deal until March rolled around and the snow started melting. And the many layers of poop started to reappear. For a span of a week or two, I literally stepped in dog shit EVERY DAY. Usually at night, when I couldn’t see what was on the ground but had no choice but to wander around in the popular dog pooing areas. Because my dog had to poo.

    So that experience made me a dedicated poop-picker-upper. And jesus help the person I catch not picking up THEIR dog’s poop.

  • MrsCerecedo

    1. Negative PitBull comments gotta stop folks, its not the breed its their ownersthat need to be banned;
    2. Yes, I pickup my PitBull’s poop all the time, if you are in a public area (not your yard)pick up the poop for heavens sake!!; and
    3. Tyrant you ARE a KEEPER!

  • KatR

    Good for Tyrant. Nothing makes me more livid than when I’m walking my dog in an area where dogs are supposed to be leashed, and we get accosted by unleashed dogs.

    As far as pit bulls being stereotyped, lots of pit owners talk about how kind and sweet the dogs are, and how they can’t understand why the dog ate the toddler next door. I’ll stay away, thanks.

  • stephrupo

    I am laughing out loud hysterically in my cubicle! This is great, I’m a bit of a rule follower myself.

  • Ronklyn

    I agree that it is sad to see the stereotyping of the PitBull breed here.

    However I will also say that putting “chihuahua” instead doesn’t get the point across quite as well. ha ha.

    It’s just too bad that as a result of media hype and being the choice of dog fighting people that it’s the first dog the uneducated (in dog related things) person would use as a big, bad, scary canine example.

    It’s a funny story, and a funny concept but posting it on your blog was just asking for a dog breed stereotyping extravaganza.

  • imaynotremember

    Never a dull moment at Heather’s house. =) LOL

  • imaynotremember

    Never a dull moment at Heather’s house. =) LOL

  • Shauna- Fido and Wino

    I know it was just a joke but I agree with the others- pitbull stereotyping makes me sad.

  • smorale74

    Oh, Heather and Tyrant. Your hearts are in the right place, but please don’t perpetuate the pit bull stereotype.

    It’s not fair to those beautiful creatures; how many more must be put down because people are scared of them before we can all come to learn what loving creatures they are if treated right?

  • chasethefirefly

    Holy Crap it just hit me:

    Heather=Lucy

    Tyrant=Ethel

    Armstrong=Ricky

    You are a zany bunch.

    I would have been more amused if the sign said, “I have two Hungry Hungry Hippos”

    Captcha: squishy him – ew.

  • snarkalicious

    Even though you have posted a picture of this man-in my mind he looks just like an angry Tyce DiOrio on SYTYCD (or Tasty Oreo, as we call him).

    And my dogs poop all over the backyard, when it gets nasty enough I force my kids to go pick it up and load up trash bags. That stuff is ORGANIC ya know….

  • Bryony Boxer

    “What if you think no one is watching?” – This got me thinking that there’s a bigger question here – the question of how much of what you do is for fear of being caught, and what would you be willing to do/ not do if you knew for sure that no one was watching and that you’ll never be caught?

  • chicgeek75

    eleanorstrousers – thanks for the added explanation.

    As an owner of two dogs, who are each very loyal to me in my own home, they go insane when another dog is present. Heck, a leaf could blow past the front door and my little one will go nuts and all I can do to shut him up is holler from the bottom of my diaphragm, shaking the walls.

    People would always say that, “Oooh, they’re really sweet, don’t worry.” Or, I got this once, “You should let your dog off the leash every now and then because that’s probably the problem: seeing all the dogs off leash.”

    A dog’s behavior off a leash has nothing – at all – to do with “how well trained they are”. They. Are. Dogs. Some dogs can be better trained than others and will stay loyal… to a point.

    It saddens me when I see a dog roaming the streets, standing in the middle of a street, or even dead by the side of the road. They depend on us for protection, and the laws to leash them are for the protection of everyone on the community.

    Sorry for the soapbox, but like Eleanor, it boggles my mind how one can let their dog off a leash where there’s a greater community involved.

  • hulahulagirl

    I’m going to be another Debbie Downer about the pit bull stereotype—even though the poster itself is funny.
    Real (loved) pit bulls look like this:
    http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1288/4683496275_480448e87e_b.jpg

  • catslye

    really?

    continuing stereotypes about Pit Bulls is about the last thing I thought I’d see on dooce.

    :(

  • apostate

    “3. Dogs on a leash will see those OFF a leash as a threat.
    4. The owner of leashed dogs has struggle with her/his own pups who are straining and barking to get away, just because an unleashed dog is taunting them.”

    I’m going to cross stitch these words and hang them next to my “Proclamation to the Family”. Just kidding. I got rid of that dog shit years ago.

    I used to think about getting a dog. But I knew that if I did, I could never walk it. Because leashed, law abiding dogs are like magnets for mean stray dogs. Oh, did I say mean stray dogs? I meant nice “he-just-wants-to-play-he-won’t-hurt-you-he’s-my-little-poopsie-woopsie” dogs. And when I would walk my parents’ dog in my neighborhood, every single walk was a stressful experience and a call to animal control, who I have on my speed dial. If that doesn’t make me seem hot to Tyrant, I don’t know what will.

    THERE ARE RULES, DAMNIT! RULES!!!!!

  • apostate

    eleanorstrousers and KatR: You are my two favorite ladies today. Cyper hugs.

    I would like to say to BrittniRose (in the nicest way possible) that your sweet as sugar pitbull needs to be on a leash whether or not you believe it’s necessary because it’s the law.
    Our friends had a “sweet as sugar pit” bull who had never given them a lick of trouble until they were showing their house to a potential buyer. The pit went a little apeshit on the buyer’s ass and he had to jump the fence to safety. Know what, dear? Voice control didn’t work that day. Now, our friends were on their own property and luckily nobody was hurt.
    My point is that legally, it is not an option if you are off your property. Not to mention the fact that it is RUDE to people who keep their dogs on leashes.

    I hope that next time you are walking around on the streets “voice controling” your pit, you get a big whopper of a ticket to teach you a lesson.

    When I was 8 months pregnant, I pissed all over myself as I watched my parents’ dog (who I was watching) being attacked by my neighbor’s “sweet as sugar” rottweiler.

    I really don’t want to hear about all your sweet as sugar off leash dogs. Put them on a fucking leash.

  • Cojo

    Doesn’t EVERYONE leave the frozen poopcicles in their yard until spring? Yeah it’s gross but I’d rather spend a nice summer day scooping up tons of sh*t than go out and grab the turds from the back yard when it’s -20 and the snow is 12 inches deep. I think in your own yard this is perfectly normal/acceptable.

    Out in public,however, I’m very, umm, shall we say “anal” about picking it up. People who don’t don’t deserve to be pet owners.

  • santa barbara

    Stereotype or not, my sweet, cuddly, people-loving rescue pit would just love to chomp an off-leash dog who gets too friendly. And the same could be true with a lab or a collie or any other breed. I agree with Tyrant… keep the dogs on leash for their own safety in on-leash parks. You just never know. Besides, isn’t that why they make off-leash parks?

    I’m a hard-core poop picker-upper. And I give myself a gold star everytime I do it. Total exmo valedictorian of rule following.

  • freaky_rara

    I am an unabashed scooper and rule follower. My Husky and Elkhound are always on leashes. Long live Tyrant!

    Dooce, I got sick three weeks ago and read all of the archives from the beginning through today. You really helped me through a tough time. Thank you so much for what you do.

    PS My pic is supposed to say The Douche is Wrong. Please don’t misinterpret! I hate FN. Thank Al Gore for the internet.

  • Ray1987

    LMAO on the, “Cocoing.” =P

    And I am already loving Tyrant! He is AWESOME! =D

  • FarmMomma

    You have the most amazing assistant! That is the funniest thing, ever!!!! Thank you so much for that laugh! My boxer and beagle have a 7 acre hay field to poop in-I don’t ever have to scoop or put them on a leash. In fact, leash=vet at our place. Oh-and they love to watch the chickens roam around the yard.

  • nakedjen

    i can not stop laughing. and neither can both of my dogs (who break ALL THE RULES) and swear they don’t need no stinkin’ leashes. especially in utah!

  • Amanda Brumfield

    ” There are signs at every entrance that say DOGS MUST REMAIN ON LEASH AT ALL TIMES. Oh, signs. You don’t know how to party, do you? Loosen your tie a bit, SIGN. Here, have some tequila, SIGN. I’ll pay for you to get laid, SIGN.”

    Genius. Sheer genius. I’m actually peeing myself a little.

  • peppylady

    I thought I was the only who every blog about dog poop. Now I know I’m not I did a while ago and even took a picture of the poop on the snow in my royal sunshine flowerbed.

    Coffee is on.

  • mrswilson

    That is all sorts of awesome.

  • kellyfaboo

    Poop bags are the greatest re-use project ever. I have preferences in store bags that make great poop bags. And if I can find the poop it goes into the bag. And since I’m one of 5 people in the neighborhood who carry poop bags I’m often picking up other poop as well.

    I have two small dogs. One was Miss Congeniality of her dog training class (Cassie-Lou-Who) and the other we never took to training because he came to us with serious aggression and trust issues which are mostly resolved. Mostly because he has this thing about large dogs and high-pitched children. Sometimes rescues are a pain in the ass, let me tell you.

    Mr. Sydney, aka Syd Vicious, aka Dork, aka ***hole, feels that it is his duty to try to dominate any and all large dogs within his sight. Even from across the street, which is where I position us as I pray he just doesn’t notice the other dog, which has happened once or twice.

    He *has* played with large dogs, but only after aggressive posturing was accomplished.

    Cassie Lou loves everybody — she’s a schnauzer so she has to bark first sometimes — and just wishes Syd would stop that aggressive barking. It makes her feel like barking more and louder then Kelly-Mom does the whole poke in neck and shush thing instead of just the shush thing and sometimes we turn around and head straight home.

    Dork.

    And I can’t tell you how many times we’ve been “greeted” ferociously by little dachshunds that are let out without leashes into front yards. Those things make Syd Vicious look calm, until he has to get out his Can of Woop Ass to protect the pack. That was a fun melee to manage. And after that I saw them on leash more. Imagine that. I still avoid that side of the street just in case.

    We only like two dogs on our walk. Well, I like a few more but only because they’ve decided to leave Syd the F*** alone and wander back to their porches when we are going by. On the other side of the street per usual when I can see them ahead.

    One of them is a beagle and is always on a chain in the front yard when he is out and we all get together for a sniff fest occasionally when he seems amenable to it.

    The other is off leash and is sort of the bane of my walk but Syd has decided he likes Max the fuzzball so I’m more worried about how Max just crosses the street to get to us. If I see oncoming traffic and they are far enough away to see me in time I’ll cross with my dogs just so Max doesn’t get hit. Because I care more than the owners apparently. *headsdesk*

    But seriously the whole off-leash dogs that Sydney hates on sight thing? Keeps me from daily walks because I can control my dog because he’s on a leash and will eventually decide he’s postured enough, but I can’t control an off-leash dog and I don’t have the mental strength to deal with that always.

  • Inkful

    If I was the betting type, I’d bet this post pretty much guaruntees that sign will not longer be effective.

  • kana

    Aw, come on now, Dooce. With the pit bull hate? Really?? i’m surprised; i thought you were an equal opportunity dog-lover. Okay, so maybe YOU adore pits and it’s just your EMPLOYEE that likes to engage in the canine version of racial profiling? Then put a leash on your employee. What a butthead.

    I have a rescued pit bull who is dumb as a rock, sweet as a sneezing bunny, and always on her leash because of constant hypercriticism from people like Tyrant. A cavorting labrador is an Alpo commercial waiting to happen but a pit bull does the exact same thing and suddenly the park is deserted and shutters and deadbolts are being slammed into place. I was attacked by my family’s german shepherd after we’d had him for years- i don’t go around threatening people with clip art versions of a demonized Rin Tin Tin. Get a clue.

    Sorry for the diatribe, but honestly… i didn’t expect to encounter this particular ignorance here. Sad day for my Dooce fanhood.

  • tolbiny

    Interesting cultural difference here.

    Where I live – Germany – it’s VERY common for dogs to be off leash. There are parks where they are required to be on a leash, but most dog owners walk their dogs along the streets leashless. I’m not sure what the difference is between American and German dog culture, but dogs in Germany NEVER run up to strangers or other dogs. I’ve been with a friend who was training her dog and he’d occasionally try to sniff someone, and they were always terrified because nobody is used to someone else’s dog approaching them.
    I’m always surprised when I come to North America how badly behaved and strictly leashed the dogs are here.
    I have no idea why it works so well where I live.

    ANYWAY, the sign made me laugh out loud.

  • tolbiny

    Oh, but I forgot to add: many people here don’t pick up their poop and it drives me batty. PICK UP YER GODDAMN POOP.

  • BrittniRose

    Apostate, I never said i walked around the streets with out my dog on a leash. I dont care what experience anyone else had. You dont know my dog so you have no idea. I dont live in the city so my dog is never on a leash nor is it illegal to not have her on one. So like i said, keep your mouth shut when you dont know what you are talking about!!! And no, I wont be putting my dog on a leash.

  • greenplanner

    I get what Tyrant was going for, but it does rely on stereotyping.
    Why not just have a drawing of a nonspecific mutt and skip the pit bull hatred?

    I have been bitten by three dogs in my lifetime, and none were pitbulls.

    Overall, though, it’s very true that letting a dog run free where other dogs are leashed is a very bad idea. A leashed dog feels vulnerable around unleashed animals and will become frightened, possibly aggressive, and may be traumetized by the experience.

  • GirlUnscripted

    I think I might be falling in love with Tyrant.

  • cheapblueguitar

    Tyrant pretty much rules.

    More Tyrant = more cowbell.

  • apostate

    “My dog is never on a leash and i dont care when it is, she listens because she knows better.”
    “I never said i walked around the streets with out my dog on a leash.” “And no, I wont be putting my dog on a leash”

    Uh, so which is it dear? Confused much? I know I am.

    The thing about the voice control crowd is they think that dogs have had superior training and that they are more obedient than most. But really, these people are just arrogant jerks who think that the leash laws don’t apply to them. Or that leash laws are only for city folk. I don’t know where you live. I very much doubt that there are no leash laws in your area. Almost every area that I know of prohibits dogs from running at large.
    All that I know is that people who think the laws don’t apply to them piss me off.

  • AshesVonDust

    Love you.

    Love your family.

    Love your dogs.

    Love Tyrant.

    But the whole “HOMG PITBULLS WILL KILL YOU GRR WATCH OUT!” makes me very sad.

    Sweetest dog in the entire world is (formerly) my purebred pitbull. The dog lets kittens boss him around. I had to give him to my sister because his vet bills were ridiculously high (over $20,000 by this point, for sure) He killed a cat once, but it was by accident, the big dufus (sp?) didn’t know how big he was and he squished the kitty. He mourned and licked it and placed it on a cushion and wouldn’t move until my sister came to take her cat’s body away. I have never seen a dog so sad.

    Second sweetest dog? My (old) baby, who is half Staffordshire Terrier, which is related to the pitbull. She would slap at me or the cat, but never ever attack. Even though she’s now old and senile and doesn’t like anything that moves fast (kids, cats, skateboards, etc) but she’ll just hide behind me and look at me like “make it go away”

    I dunno. It kind of pisses me off, because if asswipes had been using POODLES (who are naturally more likely to attack than a pitbull, ask an expert) they would be banned in my province right now. But it’s pitbulls, and now my sister can’t bring out Capone unless he’s muzzled, which is painful for him, as he is constantly in and out of surgeries to remove tumors in his ears. Poor thing.
    Luckily my baby just looks like a bit fat (pointier) version of Chuck.

  • AshesVonDust

    Oh, also, I get that I live in a “multicultural” area, where people may come from countries where the dogs are mainly vicious strays… And I get that some people are really afraid of dogs for whatever reason… But I don’t get the total, overwhelming, irrational fear of ALL. I just don’t. I’ve been bitten by dogs before, but I’m not afraid of non-agressive dogs, because I know not all dogs attack. I’ve also been attacked by men, but that doesn’t mean that I should be afraid every man is going to choke/rape me if I walk by.

    I am a respectful dog owner, the poop is ALWAYS scooped, my dog is ALWAYS leashed close to my side (as in her shoulder touches my knee) when anyone is around (even though she’d rather poo tinsel *ouch* than go near someone she doesn’t like) but I STILL get treated like a leper because I have a dog. Come on, seriously, I have been here for a year, you see me weekly, my dog doesn’t even look at you, much less turn her head to sniff the air around you, DON’T GIVE ME DIRTY LOOKS.

    Breathe.

    Just had to get that off my chest! :P

  • little miss headlock

    i’m not going to say anything thats already been said about pitbull stereotypes sucking because it goes without saying. (shit, i said it again.)

    what i DO have an issue with is people like BrittniRose who yes, love their animals and i’m sure mean well, but don’t understand that their pet is still AN ANIMAL.

    let’s not get blinded by the snuggling and puppy-dog eyes and incredible bond we form with our animal companions. because in the end, they are still just that- animals. they have instincts that run WAY deeper than your love for them, and it doesn’t matter if they’re sweet at home or come on command or even if they change your babies diapers. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT WILL SET THEM OFF.

    this is coming from HUGE animal person, vegetarian for over ten years, a consumer of products that are definitely not tested on animals and yes, a pet owner. i love my animals and i bet i’d love yours, too, but shut the f up if you think you can “out-love” the instinct and outside forces that might make Fluffy quit acting cute and get crazy outta hand. i think it’s cute you have a bond with your dog and think it “knows better” but c’mon now. you’re talking about an animal that eats its own poop and drinks out of the toilet.

    in my younger days, i delivered pizzas for an italian restaurant. i got bit by dogs with owners who ASSURED me there was nothing to worry about when walking up to their open door when their dog was off their leash. it’s stuff like that that gets animals put down, NOT JUST STEREOTYPES. (“Nine out of 10 pitbulls are big babies.”- generalizing doesn’t help either, brittni) so next time you start crying and going on about how misunderstood animals, make sure you’re not naive enough to put someone else in harms way or assume other peoples pets aren’t a potential problem. i’m glad you have land for your pets to roam, but some people don’t and making blanket statements is laaaaaaame.

    sigh.

  • apostate

    OMG little miss headlock you totally nailed it.

    My neighbor owned a rottweiler (sweeter than sugar) who would throw herself against the fence every time I had the audacity to go into my own yard or check the mail. We were constantly having to nail slats back on the fence. Still, I was prejudiced against rottweilers. She was a sweetie pie. Oh, and she only behaved this way because she could tell I didn’t like her. True story.

    One day my husband went and took our leashed dog (who was visiting) to check the mail. Neighbor was in her front yard with her unleashed rottweiler. Rottweiler came at our leashed dog. Surprisingly, the rottweiler didn’t heed her voice control. I was in my house and could hear my poor dog crying and freaking out. Neighbor was able to pull her dog off my dog.

    The next time the rottweiler came at my leashed dog, I was not as lucky. Neighbor carelessly left her gate open and wasn’t home to pull her dog.

    One time, the neighbor was out in her front yard “voice controling” her dog when she started to chase a little girl. Afterward, neighbor said: She really shouldn’t have run. That just made Angel (seriously the dog’s name) want to chase her. That’s right. The crazy bitch (my neighbor) actually did place blame on the child.

    One day “Angel” came into my yard dragging some sort of gardening equipment(probably no more than 10 lbs) that my neighbor had tied her leash to.

    Yes. My neighbor is a moron who does not learn. Sadly, this is the case with many dog owners. After all these incidents, she still believed it was okay to take the dog into the front yard and “voice control” her.

    Also, I would be remiss if I didn’t take this opportunity to disagree with simpliSAHM that insistance that dog owners adhere to the rules is a “Mormon related habit”. LOL. :) I’m a day late, but it has to be said. I will continue to be the thorn in the side of every dog owner in my neighborhood who lets Fido run free. It really doesn’t take that much time to phone in a complaint. And if that makes me bitchy to some people, I can totally live with that. It’s good revenue for the city. And maybe after enough fines, people will start to get it. But sadly, some people never will.

  • shy

    heather – you keeping on bringing up the chicken coop thing. my husband grew up working on a farm. do you realize how smelly a chicken coop is? he said that out of all the poops of all the animals he’s ever worked with, a chicken coop was about the worse thing he ever smelled. just a warning. :)