• Wookie

    wow–nice way to leave us hanging…I see what you mean about the amoral. I can’t wait to read the rest. And I can’t believe the people who turned down your offer, wtf? No wonder it’s been on the market for 800 days. 2% huh.

  • dulcinea47

    Aaaaand that’s why the house has been on the market for 800 days. Stupid, stupid people.

  • J. Bo

    I have a feeling the other shoe is going to drop in a really fabulous Jimmy Choo/Manolo Blahnik/Christian Louboutin sort of way…

  • christine1127

    Yep, I’m totally going with the Blurbodoocery Reality Show: “Insane World.” And I mean insane in the most kind way. Insane as YOU describe your world. I hope this is it! Can’t wait to be a voyeur in the Armstrong household!

  • Kirsey

    DOOCE, you are going to have about a BILLION hits on your site until you post PART TWO! I’ve already checked for an update about a dozen times today and it isn’t even 10am CST! So excited!

  • s3rp3nts

    Heh hehhhhhhhhhhhh… Loves it. But damn I’d love to see that house. And who are those crack smokers in Utah walking away over 2-measly-%? Clearly they are rich and don’t need to sell the house.

  • angela in SC

    Oh my heavens! The agony of waiting for my account at the Dooce Community to be activated before I could comment was nearly too much…. AGONY…you know why? It’s totally childish. I had to wait ONE VERY LONG NIGHT before I could post a comment! Good grief…. I’ve followed this blog for years. Years I tell you…. 6 long years and never posted because I figure it will never be read. But, now I have this HUGE urge to post and I must wait ONE WHOLE NIGHT! Ahhhhhh!

    You see I kept checking all day to see what the deal was and finally you posted … PART ONE. Part one was great and totally not frustrating because you presented me with my favorite game… Guess the Ending! YAY! I love guessing the ending especially when (in my wacky mind) I am racing to beat all of these other brilliant readers to guess!!! I wonder if they knew they were in this contest?

    Yippee!!! Did you know you had presented me with such a delightful challenge! I was like “Cool! I’m only comment # 18. I bet she will read this one. I think this one might be worth my comment.” You see, I do not give out my comments freely as they are too witty and full of wisdom to just throw out there to the wind. It is like me “bleeding my own blood”! My comments take so much out of me. I must factor in recovery time. I must weigh all of the pros and cons. Do I leave this amazing comment or let the children go hungry? Goodness knows it will be hours before I finish my comment as I carefully choose my words and rearrange and rewrite because this is important. I’m saying important things here!

    So, yesterday I was going to be comment # 18 and today, after waiting for the Dooce Community to check my fingerprints and criminal record, and by the time I finish this masterpiece I will be comment #800. Surely it will never be read, but here it is because I have “bled my own blood” and my children have been waiting for food. So here it is by golly.

    Get yourself ready…it’s spectacular….. here it is….remember I had to wait all night to comment on Next, part one. Please read this with a chipper little voice. One full of excitement and anticipation because that was the mood I was in yesterday.

    “Oh I’m so excited for you. I know what it is like to be taking calls wedged between the toilet and the tub because I have five little rascals and it is hard to find a quiet moment. As a matter of fact, while I take a call wedged between the toilet and tub I am usually wiping someone’s bottom at the same time. Yes, I know a thing or two about multi-tasking!

    Ok, I love that you have only posted Part One because I get to guess the ending. What makes this exciting is guessing the ending before someone else! What? This isn’t a game show?

    Ok….my guess…. You are somehow wrapping HGTV into the process of your house hunting and remodeling!?! Yes?!? Am I right? Surely, if you didn’t think of this then Jon did right?

    Can’t wait to hear the out come! Good luck finding your home. You deserve something amazing.”

    There it is in all of its goofy glory. I know it is somewhat of a let down after all of this build up, but don’t blame me. Blame the Dooce Community. It would have been amazing as post #18. That comment of mine could of been a “contendah” ,but now…. I don’t even have words!

    I cannot bring myself to read the other freaking 89 comments that were so politely posted this morning. I can’t bring myself to see if I won. You see time is of the essence in these situations. I needed to strike while the iron was hot, whatever that means. I’m sure another reader guessed first, but if they did don’t tell me. I’m not sure I could take the disappointment.

    Now I am sighing deeply because I am wondering if there is a limit on the #of words allowed in a comment. Please dear God make this happen for me! It’s my first Dooce comment ever! If there is a limit I might go to the corner and suck my thumb for the rest of the day. “Sorry kids. Mommy bled her own blood and it wasn’t worth it. She failed all because the Dooce Community needed to make sure I was not a psycho. You’ll need to make your own breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Make me some too, ok?”

  • Missybeme

    OMG! I feel like I just read a 500 page novel that someone stole the last 10 pages from….I’ve been waiting..patiently…for this post…my DOOCE fix…and boom. Now…I’m going to have all kinds of dreams about the possible ending until I know what happens/ed!

  • MrsRoo

    Some people, huh? We had a very similar situation going on with the house we just bought. Owner bought super high and didn’t want to realize the real estate market in greater Boston has plummeted in the past two years. But it all worked out. Mr. Roo and I have since promised each other that when we get ready to sell this place, we will be REAL. With ourselves, with each other, with the asking price, and with any potential buyers. Yes, it’s our home and we love it, but not everyone loves Palladian blue and maple cabinets. And we’ll need to get over it and entertain offers.

    I cannot wait to hear Part 2! I hope you guys found the Best House in the Universe. And then I’ll need pictures, please.

  • christine1127

    :D Well done, angela in sc. I wish we were friends.

  • angela in SC

    Christine1127, That’s very sweet and encouraging of you. Just knowing someone out there would be my friend helps as I recover from my disappointment of not winning. And it strengthens me to go discover what my children meant when they said they were playing “catering business” while I wrote that comment.

  • Anxious Annie

    I’d love to see you buy a house and fix it up for HGTV like SARAH’S HOUSE … yours could be DOOCE’S DIGS. But don’t buy a farmhouse like the Fabulous Beekman Boys (have you seen that show?).

    Or maybe you’re moving back to California to be closer for filming with HGTV.

    Oh he**, just post Part Two already and put us out of our misery!

  • UtahMom

    Part 2 will probably find this information useless to you but —

    Leah Krueger 801.255.4663 is the best realtor in all of Utah.

    Dan Riddle 801.673.9841 is the contractor to turn your modest home into your castle.

    If you just wudda asked sooner — lol.

    Good luck with your housing situation. These two people performed housing miracles for me.

  • LaurenT

    Part two, pleeeeeeease. :)

  • Sarcasmisgoodforyou


  • BostonNic

    “It’s like some giant alien found the valley, unzipped his pants and shit TUSCAN into every crevice and nook of this county.”

    This might be one of the greatest things you’ve ever written.

  • MustangSally

    You’re making up the 2% difference with the additional ad revenue you’re gonna get from the million refreshes we are all desperately pounding into our keybords? :p Holding Part II over until Friday is brilliant – then you don’t get as many showing up as unique visitors (I’m totally guessing).

    While I’m sure it involves a show on HGTV I’m really hoping it’s more of the renovate/house hunt/build yer dream variety than “John & Heather Plus Chickens!”. Because all the marriage/relationship reality shows seem to end in divorce and as much as I would love to see a reality show of the BlurboDoocery, not at the expense of your partnership. I’m happy with the blog and Vimeo reenactments.

  • chasethefirefly

    I can’t wait to hear the success story this sounds like it is going to become.

    I understand the need for a larger home. As I type my husband is on our bed taking a conference call as I make sure our 3 kids don’t go running down the hallway and interrupt him.

    We decided to cram all three kids into one room to make a playroom out of the third bedroom. It was supposed to be an office for my husband and I, but we’re outnumbered and we were tired of all the toys in the living room. We may have to work from the kitchen table, but I don’t have to see multicolored plastic every time I watch my soaps and eat bon bons.

  • Clarkware

    I cannot believe you are leaving us hanging like that!!! You’re a poop-head. ; )

  • Feastafterfamine

    You’re moving to New York.

  • WilliesMom

    OMG. KILLING. ME. I’m having images of you guys winding up in a double wide trailer. Please post the 2nd part before my imagination goes to crazier places. Like taking on a 2nd wife.

  • onedesigner

    HGTV has offered you a show and you’re moving to New York! Am I right?

  • KMPL


    (picture this being said like the little girl from Poltergeist)

  • deblongman

    My guess? You are the new Oprah.

  • gln1967

    Have you NOT heard the call from the masses!? Give us the rest of the story already!!! Good GOD WOMAN!!!

  • Sweet Em

    Oh I know I know I know!! You are relocating aren’t you?!! To Idaho!

  • christine1127

    Seriously! Post the rest, already! We’re going away to our cabin in Big Bear this weekend and will have sluggish iPhone Internet that only works when you hold your arm high and point in a certain direction. I cannot wait until Monday to read part 2!

  • reikigirl73

    AHHHH! This is as bad as having to wait all summer for the new season of your favorite tv show to start!

    Because I love you, I’ll wait patiently!

  • Kluvharter2

    This whole post sounds like it belongs to @whitegrlproblem. Why don’t you just get to the point and tell us you’re building a new house of monolithic scale?

  • nakedjen

    so, i just want to know, will you wait until sunday and then make everything go KABOOM?!?! because i think your fireworks will be far better than the sugarhouse ones. just sayin…

  • lisdom

    Oh dear Lord. Yesterday, i was on the phone w/my best friend and she was asking why people blog, and why she should read anybody’s blog if she doesn’t know them, and this is why. this is why you read blogs.

    also: the captcha to leave this comment is “jugular to”. I find this appropriate.

  • micheleleeb

    so yes i am another long time reader who registered because of this post (great marketing!) Do you think crazy off meds house owner has neighbors who read your blog and thought 1) if i sell to dooce and they get chickens my friends will kill me
    2)dooce has a blog; surely she can afford the 2%…

  • jessica.gg

    I’m afraid I haven’t read all the comments, but did anyone else think that the big news was that Jon was getting a second wife? ;)

  • craftyashley

    Have you tried putting a white noise machine in Marlo’s room? I have one in all the kids’ rooms and I could run through here with a bulldozer and it wouldn’t wake them!

  • cattail722

    SUSPENSE. KILLING. ME. HURRY! Pretty please?

  • TXinUK

    Woman, you better not leave us in suspense all weekend long!!

  • Lila0724

    Long time reader-just registered–


    captcha code “when nobel” YIKES

  • debhayford

    I predict – you are building!

    my captcha code: plussing toad??

  • ladyamazing

    I don’t know if anyone else has said it, but if so or if not, I will say it (again).

    You, Heather Armstrong, are a cock tease. In verbal internet form.

    Please update soon. My brain is going to implode.