• Pinkporches

    Oh no.

  • Aunt_Lala

    I had an orgasm over the kitchen, dude. Amazing. And the floors, sweet baby Moses in a basket, those floors are beautiful!

    If you’re not going to move into this house, I’m going to freak out.

  • saraminerva444

    Part 3 before midnight right?

    Captcha: was manured

  • tksinclair

    NO! This is MY DREAM HOUSE!

    Seriously! It’s absolutely perfect! Living in S. California I have no idea how much something like that would cost but it’s beautiful and unaffordable in S. California.

  • GirlUnscripted

    I really really hope the cliffhanger ends with you getting the house for a song. Because if you didn’t get your dream house? I’ll be VERY depressed for you.

  • beannie


  • jnudler

    Okay, I am guessing the reference to the insano home owners means that the story is NOT over. I cannot believe you are doing this to us AGAIN!!! However, since there are pictures, I am thinking, maybe, just maybe, there is hope that you are getting the house. But that small voice in my head keeps saying there is more than meets the eye here. You know you cannot possibly wait until Monday, or even worse, Tuesday to post the rest of the story. Right? Right?! I’ll just be waiting here for the ending, because I know you could not possibly make this four parts in good conscience! BTW, the house is gorgeous.

  • deathbyjava

    And then the story went DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN!!!! How can I possibly go about my weekend without knowing if you got that fabulous house or not?! Oh, Heather Armstrong, you are a most cruel story teller.

    Actually, in your last post, I thought you were going to say that CoCo had been bird hunting and that she’s been hiding dead birds in your attic which you’ve now discovered – thus giving Jon another reason why you shouldn’t have chickens.

  • knolting


  • Blahggy

    I logged on right at the right time! Didn’t see part I until part II was up. Awesome.

    In all seventh-grade-oh-my-god-I-can’t-believe-he’s-looking-at-ME style, OHMYGOD! It’s GORGEOUS! That KITCHEN! That BACKYARD! THE WINDOWS!!! HOLY CRAPOLA! So awesome. I love the Universe.

  • Brea

    Did he?! Did your realtor do it – DO IT NOW?!

    It is so pretty, and it looks like the perfect place to raise your family. Can’t wait to hear the final outcome…

    Congratulations (hopefully), Armstrongs!

  • imaynotremember

    What an amazing house Heather! I hope you move in soon, it’s really fabulous.

  • angela in SC

    Oh, mercy…another chance at the game. You know how much I love playing the “Guess the Ending” game, but I don’t know if I have it in me to go another round. (Yes, I know it’s not a real contest…it’s just a contest in my own little mind :) )

    Ok, I should know this one…. my parent’s are realtors. I should have the upper hand here. Let’s see…did they say that they wanted to wait 2wks and see what other offers they got since the house has just hit the market? Did they raise the price on you guys after you made an offer?

    Sorry, that’s the best I’ve got. I “bled too much of my own blood” guessing on Next, Part one. You are going to need to anounce the winner soon because I’m not sure I can go another round.

  • Wombat Central

    But with this new house payment, can you still save enough for Leta’s BYU education? Hee!

    It’s stunning. Hope the Armstrongs call this home soon!

  • Mrs.Koehnke_ it is pronouced kinky. Like S and M

    I fear there is a part three that might break my heart because, seriously, this is MY dream house! I got goose bumps from looking at the pictures!

  • Enatural7

    Dude, if you don’t end up with this house, I’m gonna be so pissed.

  • Couture Coco

    It’s beautiful! But wait, obviously I haven’t been paying enough attention, I assumed you already lived in place like this. It was meant to be congratulations!! When do you move in?

  • ladyamazing

    I’m currently searching for a new house with my…baby daddy…and I want to (and I mean really REALLY want to) hate you right now.

    That house is incredible. It is the perfect mix of modern and traditional and holy shit hardwood.

    Gorgeous…stunning…more words than my High School degree can spew forth.

    When I finished reading your post the FIRST thing that came to my mind is, “I want to see more.”

    The lighting will be amazing any time of day. As a photographer, I’m that much more jealous.

    Congratulations and thank you for sharing with us so we can visually enjoy it as well.

  • Shamelessly Sassy

    I was once touring my dream house while house hunting. All was well. The layout was amazing. Lighting fabulous. Even the wall colors were the sort I would dream of splashing into the rooms. Then we get to the master bath and the current owner is on the toilet taking a MASSIVE shit. He welcomed us in to tour the bathroom regardless. Never got up from the toilet, just continued to grunt it out. Creepiest thing EVER.

  • Tracye


    Thou are blessed!

    Grats on the new home /golf clap!

    So much sunlight…

  • Ezza

    … I smell a big but coming.


    If this is anything like my experience in buying the dream-home, there will be angry phone calls to realestate agents/mortgage brokers/lawyers, midnight drives to get documents notarised at the police station, binding legal contracts signed in a state of total intoxication, blood, sweat and tears. Oh the tears.

    But that’s my tale to tell – I hope it’s as worth it for you as it was for me Dooce.

    And tell Jonboy half an acre is plenty big enough for chickens.

    Giant freakin chickens.

  • TXinUK

    Its gorgeous . . . you must have gotten it because you can’t just post pics of someone’s house online, right?

  • Couture Coco

    Oh come on please tell us Part Three, Four and Five – whatever, just do it, then we can have a virtual house warming (pity?) party for you all!!

  • spike

    IIRC, your household moves generally coincide with major home renovations. Kitchens, bathrooms, etc. Will Jon need to reno the current house before it can be sold or have you already got plans for the new place? Beyond the obligatory need for cat-5, HDMI, and other blurbdoocery tech requirements throughout the home of course. Indoor lap pool for the dogs? Wine cellar? Moat?

  • comicmummy

    Wait, I’ve got it.

    You pitch a reality TV show to HGTV called…wait for it…”So You Think You Can Kick Insano Homeowners’ Asses”.

    It’d be like a home improvement show meets the Karate Kid but with vested emotional interest.


  • cat

    Oh my freeking lord. I think I want to move to Salt Lake City.

  • rebeccak

    JEALOUS!!! Beautiful! You guys are very fortunate! Can’t wait to see what you guys do with it! This certainly looks like a place chickens would dig, ;oP.

  • Shana in Texas

    Score! I hope you experience much happiness here.

  • dfunkmcgunk

    Dooce, you are really starting to drive me nuts.

  • southerngirl


    It looks like the Chinese have forever cursed you to live in interesting times. The little bit of backyard I saw through the dining room window looks amazing. More pics of that, please.

    Also thought you could use some humor about now. Here’s a blog that “looks into the exciting lives of the people who live in your catalogs”. Hysterical.


  • WayToGeaux

    I want in on the speculation. Because debating with other Doocebags about how your predicament will work out is much more entertaining than sitting around waiting for your next post. Or your next post-ette, as you can’t seem to spit it all out at once :)
    I think that Insano Owner #1 came back, accepted your offer, at the same time that #2 accepted. The Armstrongs were then forced to choose between two essentially perfect homes, a situation more difficult than having no home to ponder at all. Hence the question about view vs. back yard in the Community…you wanted us to help you decide where to live. Am I close?

  • screwdestiny

    Gah! You’re killing us here! So, you didn’t get your perfect dream house? Or was it just a hassle? I need to know!

  • ClaireinAustin

    I absolutely love it! the floors are stunning, and the windows absolutely wonderful!
    modern, schmodern: this place is flat out beautiful!

  • angela in SC

    WayToGeaux, thank you for joining us in this exercise that I am calling the “Guess the End Game”. Great job on your guess! Excellent speculative skills my friend!

  • theurbancowgirl

    I’m pretty certain I want to make sweet, sweet love to that house.

  • Mandaray26

    OMG! I feel like this isn’t going to end well! This house is *so* amazing.

  • LuckyMama

    I want to make out with those incredible floors! I mean it…HOLY MOSES I LOVE THOSE FLOORS! I’m not all that into formal living spaces, but I would gladly have them if I could live in that house! And those chandeliers! I am in love and eternally jealous! Congrats Armstrongs!!

  • Keri

    Oh, my GOD! That house is beautiful! I’m crossing my fingers that this series of posts ends with “and then we bought it”!

  • mrs.notouching

    Well… since nobody has said it yet… Oh Em Geee! The house is gorgeous!

  • Anu

    Wow! That is a big ass house. I love it. Too bad HGTV didn’t renovate your old place. Would have made for hell of a show.

  • ClaireinAustin

    also-does it come with the piano?

  • J. Bo

    It doesn’t matter if the outside looks like Hagrid’s grubby hut from the Harry Potter movies; the inside is obviously “The Room of Requirement” for you and yours!

  • Lanie

    There HAS to be something else going on than buying a house. Because what is this tweet about:

    “All of HGTV talent just said, “Heather, you are not allowed to tweet about this.” Oh, man.”


    Why should HGTV care, if it’s just the Armstrongs buying a house?

    Also, while there are many jaw-droppingly lovely things about this house, what EXACTLY is attractive about that bathroom, particularly the vanity?

    And some of the hardwood IS beautiful (the piano area, the kitchen, the last picture) – but the wood on the stairs, the two pictures after the stairs, and the second-to-last picture is just ugly. WAY too grainy, and/or planks that are WAY too mis-matched. I mean, my family’s house was nowhere near as nice as this one, but our hardwood was much better done.

    Just saying…

  • medwards

    what a great place. The kind of place that you could spend the next 50 years in. The best part will be moving day. It’ll be such a blast with the kids and Tyrant.


  • ClaireinAustin

    and ok, if we’re playing “guess the rest of the story” then I bet you made an offer, it was accepted, and then they found out who you were and what you did and tried to back out because they decided they didn’t like you. and that would not only be mean and bratty, but illegal, right?

  • danioz

    Looks fabulouso. We have just moved and doubled our space, not quite what you have there but it has blown our mind.
    What a lovely family home for you all.

  • s3rp3nts

    Wait tho. Insano homeowners good this time? Because I’m confused.

    And damn, girl, that house is the hotness. I wish I lived in an open market where home prices were normal. Sadly, I live in DC, where home prices are not normal. And I live in a dump because I hope the owner will sell it to me when he becomes (yeah, like he’s not already) too old to make the repairs…

  • Laurie C.

    House looks gorgeous…and I found a post about chickens you might enjoy!


    Good luck with the whole home thing…and perhaps you’ll have room for some chickens?

  • Sabine

    Oh it’s just beautiful. Congratulations!

  • The Bold Soul

    ::hanging off that cliff you’ve left us on, by my fingernails:

    Which is really uncomfortable considering I just got out of the hospital after having major gall bladder surgery, and I’m not supposed to reach for anything high.

    Please, put me (us) out of my (our) misery.

    WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? If I weren’t hanging off this damned cliff, I’d have my fingers crossed that you got your dream house.

    Hoping it goes your way,